Sunday, February 28, 2010

Families in Peril


"Lighting the Way"

Ephesians 5:25
Ist Peter 3:7
Ephesians 6:2
Proverbs 31:25

Psalm 55:22 Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

Knowing the pressures on families today, I would like to declare a Home Living Day of Prayer for families you know that are in peril: those with problems and anxieties and those under attack or bad influence.  Prayers should go up especially to the homemaker who is enduring pressure to leave her responsibilities and enter the workforce to make money, and the parents who need strength and courage to teach their children, and for those who have laboured in the children, that both the children and the parents would overcome and have great joy.  Pray also for marriages that are under attack.  God bless everyone for this kind favour!! 


30 comments:

Keeper of our Home said...

What a great post and prayer focus. Speaking first hand as one who's marriage is under attack I thanks you and appreciate the prayers going out.

~Mrs. M

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this. We do feel under attack for the choices we are making and for not being more worldly. I know so many others are under the same sort of pressure. I will join in with the praying!

Emmarinda said...

Praying for all these dear ones.

Anonymous said...

I would really appreciate some prayer!

Right now, I have an opportunity to go back to school for free (which will expire in 2013). I would love to go back to school because I think having a "back up plan" for the possibility of my husband's divorce, death, or disability is important for women. However, I would have to put the kids into public school for this season, which I can safely assume would be three years. I am planning on coming back home after I get my degree because I think that is the best place for women.

Am I wrong for considering this option? Is having something that women 100 years ago didn't have, a possibility of education and career in case of my husband's death, really such an awful thing? I am struggling with this decision because I can feel how weighty it is. My husband has told me that I should go back to school because "I am not happy at home." I tried to explain that that wasn't the case, but he is now frustrated with the entire conversation and has told me that we should put the kids in school so that I can go off and go to school.

Is this wrong? Do I give up free education only to possibly need it later when I can't use it? What do women do when their husband's are unable to work? Then what? If I have spent all my time at home, then I will be very ill-qualified in the job market. If I have a back-up career, I would be able to transition much easier and into a better paying job, only if necessary.

Obviously, I could use your prayers!!! Kristi

Laura Ashley said...

Kristi,
If you don't want to go to school, then don't. I'm sure there are plenty of single mothers that need to be there. If you do want to go,why not look into online classes? At the community college here you can get several entire associate degrees online. That would allow a more flexible schedule.

If you get divorced, then you will get child support. If, God forbid, something tragic happens to your husband then you will get social security. As well as be eligible for other social programs- including educational one. There are also churches and other organizations that help displaced homemakers. I wouldn't worry about what you will do if your husband can't work. Besides, even if you get some skills now, unless you use them right away they will quickly become outdated anyway.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much Lady Lydia.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

1. There are a lot of things available now that were not available 100 years ago, but it does not mean it is all good for us or that we should take advantage of it.

2. Government schools have been shown to be against the Bible and against the home. Some say the schools belong to the devil and it is his domain. He will detatch your children from you and when you want them back, their hearts will be divided and far from you. I know a woman who decided to homeschool, but in a year she put them in public school and went to work. It took only one month to completely dismantle the beliefs she had taught her daughter. Her appearanced changed in one month from a wholesome and contented homeschool girl, to something else, and there was friction between mother and daughter for the first time.

3. School may be free but you will pay a terrible price in many ways, later on, in the form of troubled children, lack of good home life, and learning from the pulpit of progressivism.

4. The Bible is sufficient for us. The privileges it gives women are both protective and productive. If the Bible is sufficient, and if God's plan is the ultimate, why would you want a back up plan? If you raise your family according to God's plan, they are your back up plan. Teach them to be honoring and to never forsake you when you are old. You cant have that if you send them to the public school, though, as they will not learn it.

5. Eve had everything she needed in the Garden but Satan distracted her for a moment with a forbidden fruit. In the middle of the garden was the tree of life and she forgot she was allowed to have that. She wanted the one thing offerred her that looked good. She desired it and took it and she lost her home. If you go to work you will lose the bonding in your family. It will be gradual but it will be there. And you will bond with people at school, too. You need to save your bonding for your family.

6. Just because an opportunity presents itself does not mean you should take it.

7. Count the cost: there will be a great loss for just the pursuit of money in the end. nThe first thing you will notice is your children will not have a full sense of well being, and the second thing you will notice is the deterioration of your homemaking.You cant have peace of mind if your house is a mess.

8. Money or education are not more important for a woman than her housekeeping or her children or the care of her husband. You will give them less than your best, as you will be serving two masters.

9. Instead of asking, "How will I get an education or get a job?" A woman needs to look around her and ask, "How will I keep up with my housework and disciple my children? How will I nurture my children? How will I guard my home from bad influenes. How will I keep my family healthy and how will I keep the world from influencing my children? How will they grow up to embrace the family system and reject communism and leninism?

10. There is no Biblical command for the women of God to go to college and get a job. The Bible says they should marry, bear children and keep house, in that order. It doesnt say prepare for a job and put the home last. The business of education is just that: a business. They need your business to stay in business. They are a factory that churns out worker bees for the socialist society that is being prepared, where there will be no women at home. Karl Marx believed that women were not contributing to the welfare of the state if they were home, and his goal was to get them working. Today we can see the fall out of that: kids do not thrive well when mothers farm them out to schools and daycares, and they do not have the gumtion and self-starting personalities as those who are homeschooled and grow up in the home.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

From the book , "The Mis-Education of Women:

Tooley, British professor of education, takes to task the U.S and British educational systems for succumbing to feminists in the last 30 years and misdirecting young women into early careers instead of marriage and motherhood. The result is what he calls the "Bridget Jones syndrome," young women suddenly realizing they're squandering their prime opportunities to marry and reproduce. Refuting educational policy in the U.S and Britain that promotes gender equality, Tooley argues that boys and girls are different and should be counseled differently on life and career choices. He counters the arguments of famous feminists Simone de Beauvoir, Germaine Greer, and Betty Friedan with Bridget Jones' Diary and vignettes of unhappy young women who have sacrificed personal lives for careers. Echoing Friedan, Tooley announces that the "problem that has no name" is the misdirection of feminism. First published in England to scathing criticism, this book is sure to spark vociferous debate in the U.S. as well.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Before you go to school or to work, please read two articles on this blog:

The "Titus 2" post just a few days ago, and a post called "Thirty Times Yes" on the Theme Article section.

Mrs. L said...

Dear Kristi,

Of course you are not wrong for considering going back to school for free. You need to consider, though, the cost of it, not in money but in the welfare of your marriage and your family.

You are feeling pressured by your husband and by the views of society. A back-up plan sounds like a wise thing to have but it can lead to temptation to use it. I'll explain that a little further in. First, let's consider your husband.

He believes you are not happy at home. Obviously there is a reason for his belief. Raising and home-schooling children and keeping house is a huge responsibility. We women so desperately want our husbands (or even just somebody!)to acknowledge how hard we work and what an important contribution we make. Unfortunately, men are not wired the same way we are and often do not dole out the encouragement we crave. Therefore, it is easy to get into the habit of complaining, pointing out all the work that we do. That is a huge mistake that tends to backfire on us. Men are problem solvers. If you are not happy at home, they look for a solution for that.

To top it off, many women complain about lack of money (few young families have all the money they desire). Men take this very personally as it implies that they are falling short of your expectations. They see that other wives work and start to think that having their wife go to work might just be the answer.

You already know that staying home and home-schooling your children is a counter-culture move. In real life, few women receive any kind of encouragement for this. You have to know in your heart that you are doing the right thing and pray for strength and a right attitude.

Having a back-up plan might pay off if your husband dies or divorces you within a few years of completing your studies. Any longer than that and you would probably have to take refresher courses to enter the field of employment you've studied for. Your skills and knowledge will become obsolete quickly.

Make sure you have a good life insurance policy in case your husband dies, first of all.

Is divorce likely? It is something you should never, ever threaten. I can't stress this enough. So many young women seem to take this lightly. Threatening divorce will have the opposite effect of what you likely intend. You do not want to go there.

Kristi, if you have to send your children to public school and figure out a way to keep house and keep up with all their school activities while you try to study, this is not a "free" education at all! Public schools do not take over all that you do. Your children will have homework and assignments (Science fairs, plays that need costumes, parent-teacher meetings, etc.) that will need your time, attention and energy. You have to get them to school on time and have back-up care planned in the event of school holidays or illness.

No woman can do it all. Your time in classes would be just the beginning. You'll have homework and then exams to study for, all on top of most of the things you are already doing now. This is likely to cause a terrible strain on your marriage and on your children.

If your husband becomes unable to work for some reason, that is what employment insurance and welfare are for. Some families need to move in with parents for awhile.

(to be continued...)

Mrs. L said...

To Kristi (continued):

In the end, the most telling thing you wrote is that your husband said that you are not happy at home. You tried to explain that this is not the case. So, you are happy at home but you have not conveyed that attitude to your husband. Swallow your pride and ask for his forgiveness and promise to change your attitude. Let him know how grateful you are that he goes to work so that you can stay home. Make sure your children learn to be grateful to their Dad for being faithful to go to work. Pray when you feel like complaining. Don't complain to your husband or your children. Keep it between you and God.

Don't fool yourself into thinking that you'll be able to come home and resume being a homemaker after you complete your studies. That is highly unlikely. You won't feel at all motivated to put in the work required at school just to put it on a shelf for "just in case".

There is another evil trap you need to beware of, Kristi. If you have an "out" it may be more tempting to consider divorcing your husband. It's also more likely that you will convey in subtle ways that you don't really need him if you have the ability to support yourself and your children. This attitude will cause your husband's heart to grow cold towards you.

If your marriage is in trouble, your husband may very well want you to be able to earn money to make it easier for him in the event of a divorce.

Kristi, I highly recommend that you try to get a copy of the book 'Fascinating Womanhood'. If you do a Google search you'll be able to read some of it to get you started.

I will pray for you and your family and hope to hear more of how you are doing.

Anonymous said...

Lydia,

What day would you suggest for this combined day of prayer; important to settle upon because of time differences etc from nation to nation. Count me in.

Mrs. Anna T said...

Dearest Lydia, your last two posts were so spot on, so timely and inspiring. Thank you for taking the time to write about the blessings of a woman in the home.

And yes, we all need prayer.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

The day of prayer was intended to be the day of this post. If you run across this post, please pray for those who requested it. Or we can extend the effort into the next day.

Anonymous said...

Please pray for my family today. We have been undermined and our children are being urged to go against us, despite the fact that we have dedicated our lives to discipling them. My husband was weak and neglected the children in some ways and does not see the danger. One of our children is about to make a life time decision that is very grievous. PLEASE PRAY GOD WILL HAVE MERCY AND PROVIDE AN ESCAPE. The decision of one is affecting the rest of the family and causing a rift between us all. Yes please extend the Home Living "day of prayer" for families in peril. If we all pray for one another maybe God will hear from Heaven and will heal our families. I cannot leave my identity but if anyone prays for us, God knows who I am!

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Thanks for reminding me about the time differences. I had not thought about that. If you arent in the western hemisphere, I noticed your posts come in around 3, 4, or 5 am here, so go ahead and put up any urgent family prayer requests. When everyone in the west who views this tunes in to the blog, they will see them.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lady Lydia,

Thank you so much for this post--it is a tremendous encouragement to know someone out there understands. For some time now, our family has been suffering from a kind of persecution--we really feel abandoned and marginalized by other people, especially Christians, for choosing to homeschool and not follow mainstream culture. The hurt from this is staggering at times. We know that God has not abandoned us, and we are crying out to Him. Pray that we stay faithful to Him and to what He's called us to do. Pray that we will rest in the fact that His grace truly is sufficient.

Mrs. KM

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Mrs. KM

I could talk volumes about THAT subject, too. You go into complete shock emotionally when the church members reject you because you left the public school system. Shows how brainwashed everyone is.

I had to laugh out loud when I read a "brotherhood" paper that sometimes comes in the mail, with the headlines, "WHy are We Losing Our Youth?" The editor of the piece provided all kinds of wacked out solutions to keeping kids in the faith and in the church, and not one of the ideas included learning God's word and living by it or honoring parents, or parents teaching their own children at home.

One program they launched (why in the world does it sound like the churches are run like corportations?) was a six thousand dollar subscription to a mail out flyer for a large city--one of those automatic mail outs to addressee, that had a youth page in it, with things of interest to young people.

Think of all the homeschool curriculums for families in the church, that money could buy. As frugal as they are, homeschoolers could educate 600 children on that money, or 60 children for several years, and so forth.

What I am saying is that the churches are neglecting the very people that will make them strong. They are neglecting their youth by neglecting the family. When a family does try to take responsibility, and teach their own at home, the church members shun them or attack them. These are young people that will one day lead the church and they are turning their backs on them.

The homeschoolers are the ones actually doing most of the work in the churches, because they are not tied down to the public school schedules. They have more time to dedicate to teaching and to showing hospitality. I've seen large congregations where a very small percentage was homeschool families, and the homeschoolers carried on MOST of the work.

I wrote to that paper and suggested that they put a sign outside their building or in their ad in the paper, that said, "homeschool families welcome." I told them how many homeschool families were looking for churches that would not destroy their values by allowing immodesty or modernism/liberalism in the church. There is a huge potential there but churches are ignoring it and also hurting it.

Besides all this, you homeschool usually because your heart is drawn to GOd's ways and you know something is just not right about the public schools. You want to do right and that is one reason you are in the church in the first place. To have those people turn on you is devastating.

You have to realize those people all came from the public school. What we have is public school mentality going on amongst the elders and deacons and preachers. They all have a public school mindset. They think public school is somewhere in Dueteronomy or that it came over with the Mayflower. I have noticed how particular churches can get over certain doctrinal issues, making sure they are scriptural, but they dont get too close to finding out the unscripturalness of sending your children to a public school.

Read the article "Who WIll Your Children Follow" on the side bar somewhere. Print it out and give it to the people who will read it. They might see the light.

Anonymous said...

Lydia,

The churches en mass do not look into the education question because this automatically leads to question number 2; that of the families within the congregation able (or more to the point, unable) to home educate due to the fact 99% are dual income households who have not stopped for one single moment to consider the why's and wherefores. And the churches are wondering why on earth they have an attrition rate of 80% or thereabouts among young persons once said young persons reach their late teens/early twenties.

Internationally, the situation is grave; i will uphold the various commenters here in prayer, and the state of the Christian family in general. however, in your prayers, it is essential to remember our brethren in places such as Germany, where families who choose to home educate for reasons of faith and conscience are forced to seek asylum in the US on acount of this choice. Christian families in Germany who wish to home educate have been served jail sentances, fines, had children removed and had children forceably repatriated back into public schooling. The Scandinavian nations are not far behind this; France and the UK are seeking to introduce similar laws also. the irony is that families who are circus or itinerant fare families, within Germany, for instance, are freely able to home educate, but those who wish to do so out of faith and conscience are forbidden. As Brussels strengthens its iron grip around the throat of Europe, expect worse to come - and expect these draconian laws to be emulated in Australia, new Zealand and North America.

We have one home educated family in our parish - a missionary family who train ministers in Chile (pray for them in the wake of the catastrophic earthquake that has recently struck that nation).

Additionally, otherwise serious Christians within our parish see it as the family's role to educate on Christian life, morality and ethics, believing that a godly family will be able to deprogramme children from the guff they are subjected to at school and that the church through its programmes will also be able to assist in said deprogramming re worldly standards taught and implement faith sturdy enough to withstand the contrary positions presented as non negotiables within the classroom.

Only one minister, a junior minister, had the guts to preach against what he termed the idol of career for women, and needless to say, i believe he found himself censured for it.

Some years back, I circulated some material concerning the Christian family and so on to a few sisters within the congregation, who, took it graciously and returned the books graciously, but murmured to other mutual friends that they found the material deeply offensive and rather shocking. Needless to say, i quit my counter-revolutionary activity soon after. They know what I think.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

First of all, the public schools ARE churches, just of a different religion, namely athiesm. Secondly the pulpits are the classroom, and thirdly the ministers are the teachers and professors, and fourthly the doctrin is psychiatry, darwinism, dewyism, leninism, marxism socialism and communism. Public schools are like the whited sepulchres that Jesus spoke of: inside are rotting bones of Victorian athiesm.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lady Lydia
I am blessed to be in a church where the husband and wife in charge were missionaries abroad, and home educated while their children until they came to the UK. The wife is also quite vocal about how it's v wrong that so many mothers are feeling forced to leave the home.

One sister in the church gave us some furniture and said that she had offered it to us first, because she wanted to support me in the decision to stay home.

However, we do need prayer. My dh is short of work, money is scarce, and there is conflict in the home.

I would appreciate your fervent prayer.

A.

Anonymous said...

We need to make this a national, annual event!!!
Lynn

Anonymous said...

#6 on Lydia's list is one of the very most useful thoughts...I think it will behoove us to memorize this one.
L.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post. My husband again is urging me to leave the home and return to work. He is dangling the opportunity to return to school for a master's degree program in a field he knows I would enjoy.

I asked my husband several months ago to tell me why he was so focused on my returning to work. He criticized my housekeeping, saying that he couldn't always find the shirt he wanted to wear and that meals weren't always on the table when he walked in the door from work. I now keep the house spotless with the table set and dinner warming on the stove when he walks in the door. His new argument is that I have "too much time on my hands" now that the house stays tidy and meals and laundry are always done. Is he kidding? The house doesn't clean itself and the food doesn't magically appear on the table. I have just gotten the house to the point where I have the time to organize and declutter the closets and drawers. I also want to do some painting and make slipcovers for our worn couches and chairs.
I find this situation very frustrating, but I have learned volumes about being a good homemaker and a contented wife from your site. I will keep praying and keep "soldiering on" until my husband realizes just how much I bring to our family life and contentment. As one of my sons said recently, "Daddy may be the boss of the family, but you are its heart."

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to thank the ladies who posted a response to me. Mrs. L, do you know me? Your comments seemed perfectly suited to my exact situation and Lady Lydia, I loved points 5 & 6; all of the comments have really challenged me to rethink staying home.

I have been a stay-at-home mom for my kids' entire lives and I have loved it...but I'm not very good at it, so you all were right in thinking that my "back-up plan" could easily become my daily plan. You were also right in thinking that I wouldn't be able to do it all and the housework would suffer and the resulting lack would weaken and stress my marriage.

I am now planning on staying home and caring for my kids, just like I had originally wanted to do, but that leads me to another prayer request. Can you pray that my mom at least stays quiet on this topic? She has already called me a fool for not having my degree and has referred to me not getting my degree the same way. She still has a lot of power over my emotions and I hate to make her ashamed of me or angry at me. (Both of which, she will be.)

I love this idea of a day of prayer...and I think that we could easily dedicate the whole of March, or the first week of March as the "National Day/Week/Month of Family Supportive Prayer" or something like that. We all need it!!! Thank you for the prayers that have been sent my way.

Kristi

Mrs. L said...

Dear Kristi,

No, I don't know you but I just had such a strong feeling that I had to write to you after I read your comment.

I wanted to say, about several things you wrote, "been there, done that" but didn't want to make the comment all about me.

The good news is that being a homemaker is a skill, not a talent. You can learn to be an excellent homemaker. Treat it just as you would a so-called career. Time management is crucial. Ironically, when I went back to school, one of the first things we were taught was time management because the drop-out rate was so high.

I will pray for your mom, too, Kristi. She's probably about my age. When young women today are looking for mentors I think a lot of them don't realize that we Baby Boomers grew up steeped in feminism. Even if our own mothers didn't work, we were indoctrinated into feminism through the public schools.

One thing you may not realize is that your mother also cares what you think of her. There is a time to be firm with your parents, when they interfere with your responsibility as the keeper of your home. When you "leave and cleave" you have the duty to defend your own home and family. Tell your mother that you have considered college carefully and have decided against it at this time. Tell her the reasons for your decision and that you would appreciate it if she doesn't bring it up again. If she does, shake your head and gently say, "I told you I'm not going to discuss this anymore." I know it's hard but she will respect you for it after the shock wears off. If it is too hard to speak like this to your mother, then write her a letter.

Kristi, my girls both "threw away" a paid-for education so I do understand the frustration your mother feels. It was humiliating for me at the time but I got over it. My beliefs about college for young women have changed in the meantime. Who knows, your mother might have a change of heart, too.

I will keep praying for you and your family for awhile and hope you'll let us know how you are doing.

Anonymous said...

When I first met the family that later led me to be a member of their church I noticed they mentioned they had always homeschooled almost in whispered tones. They seemed shocked that I knew and supoported homeschooling. You should have seen the famlies faces! Their whole church is encouragedd and supports homeschooling yet they had met so many that are not that they are a bit shy at times to speak up about it. The fathers as well as the mothers are taught encouraged in every aspect of Christian homeschooling. They have a huge group of this courch and others that interact to help each other and still they feel alone. Even around other churchs! That really threw me at first till I'd really listened to others ridicule homeschooling...of course I spoke up and told the truth as I knew it when I heard such. This Is really sad that parents are trying their best to do as God ordains and other Christians try to put road block in front of other road blocks up. I didn't know this was a problem in churches till then.

Anonymous said...

May your efforts be blessed. Your love of right things is beautifully displayed on your site. Thank you Lorraine

Shirley said...

It might be nice to repost this and have another day of prayer like this.
You are special. So many enjoy the love of Christ that comes through you in this blog dear one.
Shirley in Virginia

LadyLydia said...

Good idea. Will give a new post some thought.

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