Friday, March 01, 2013

Protecting Your Time



Coming Home by Susan Rios


As there are many women now choosing to stay home, I think it would be a good idea to address the issue of protecting your time at home. 

There can be a tendency in women to rescue everyone who has a problem. This is due to the fact that they are created to be helpers and to take care of those less fortunate than themselves. They also want to make life easier for their fellow human-beings.

Women were created with that "helping" instinct so that they could help their husbands and children.  Some new homemakers  may  not yet have arrived at a good understanding of how to fill their day and or how to guard their emotional health. Or, they may  feel responsible to to make the world a better place. There is nothing wrong with these desires, but I wish to send out a caution about allowing your time to be taken by other causes and worries.
The Afternoon Read
by Paul Fischer


  God gave women these caring instincts to be used within the family, in caring for the children and in aiding their husbands in their goals in life.  Sometimes, though, a woman's mind can get caught up in other people's drama or just the issues brought up daily on the news, which is just one scary thing after another.  Soon, a woman can feel very guilty and unintelligent if she is not trying to do something to improve the world.

Naturally there should be some time set aside for other people outside the home: for phone calls, letters, visits, and so forth, but it is not wise to be too wound up in their problems to the exclusion of your family. It is easy to get obsessed about a subject or a person. 

A woman at home  can always make it appear that she has been keeping house all day, by rushing through jobs at the last minute. Maybe she has spent a day worried about the news, and still manages to get dinner ready before the family all convenes together. Maybe she still manages to do the grocery shopping but has her mind on other problems.  She could give so much more quality to her home life if she had her heart in it and was not distracted by these other things.
Sweet Fragrance
by Susan Rios



The young women need to preserve their mental and physical energy for their families. One thing they may not realize when they are young, is that their strength will not always be there for them if they use it up on other problems. Many young women are tired, and lagging in their housework. They have used up their mental alertness on other issues that have nothing to do with improving their homes.  Young women may not realize that their tiredness is in part, due to the amount of time they spend thinking about other problems.  

Spending great chunks of their time on problems outside of their own homes can one day bring on great regret and grief, when they think back and wonder what happened to all the time. Children in the home will never be that young again. Each day, they grow older, and the previous day cannot be brought back. Although her family may not even notice that her mind is occupied by problems outside of her own home, she herself might one day be sorry that she did not concentrate more fully on her family or her home.

Homeschool mothers need to be particularly careful and wary of time-stealers. As you begin to homeschool, other people seem drawn to you and what you are doing and want to be a part of it. This may not be true for every one, (in some cases you become more isolated as people reject you, which can be a blessing), but for some, they find out that people think they have free time. After all, they do not see you conducting a strict school-like atmosphere, and do not understand the value of your time alone with your children.  Homeschooling is also very adjustable. People will want you to collect money for United Way or other causes, because they think you have the time. You may have the time, but the care and worry of it adds to your stress. Families can attend events on school days and make up for it later. Homeschool mothers can find that there is so much to do at church and in the world, because other families are not available to do it and they may stretch their time and emotions thin, trying to do it all. They feel it is selfish not to help the rest of the world, but they miss out on their own rest, which they badly need.

Flower Arrangement on a Candle Stick
from Victorian Trading Co. catalog

Older women may become very sensitive to stress from others who will impose on her time. While they may be at home without children or without a lot of responsibilities, others may pressure them to socialize more. If you are a stitcher, or a creative person, you will need a lot of free time. Getting too caught up in social things or in the latest gloom-and-doom news forcast, can rob you of that time for your mind to rest and re-create.  I am not suggesting that we become neglectful of people we need to care for, nor am I saying that we should not be aware of things that are going on in the world, but that the time at home needs to be guarded, lest whole days slip away and nothing gets done at home. 

Children sometimes sense when their mother is not being herself, is tense, worried, or getting obsessed with something.   A mother needs to have a clear mind and be focused and present, not preoccupied with fears, or with the situation in other people's homes. Children can tell when their mother is distracted and discontent with the task at home. 

It is important to preserve the time God has given you and not allow other problems to take over your life.
Give Yourself the Gift of Time


If you allow too many other things to get in your mind, you will lose the sense of who you really are. You may find your creativity is stifled or that you cannot enjoy your life. Your personal relationship with God will suffer if you take the time you would normally spend with Him and His Word, and let it be used up in other ways.

The older women are no less susceptible in this problem of letting their time get used up. Sometimes people think that because a woman is home, she is available to everyone.  She may feel guilty that she is home, and that she has a good life, and cannot say no to those who would impose on her time. She feels it would be selfish to have time to herself. 

It is important to spend time in your own house without outside stress.

 Older women need to make it a priority to take care of themselves. If they get too tired or tense they can lose their health. 

To help the rest of the world, to help others and to be charitable, women can begin at home. Here are some ways to do that without losing health or neglecting the home.

A Meaningful Day, by Susan Rios

* Showing hospitality is one way of helping others who need cheering up, but it, too, must be approached with moderation, being careful not to put too much distress on the family or neglecting the husband in order to entertain other people. Guests in your home can be strongly influenced to provide a happy home for their families. Setting aside specific time for company or to talk to a friend, will help free up the rest of your time for home things.

*Providing yourself with mental interests that compliment your homemaking endeavors. Read things that will help you appreciate home life.   Choose colorful books that are a pleasure to look at, containing information on many different subjects. 

*Direct lonely times into personal interests that build you up rather than drain your mental and physical energy. Sewing or reading, music, art and many other things can be very fulfilling if they are done for relaxation.  Sometimes women at home think that they cannot have any rest, and must be always working, but leisure is a very, very important aspect of reviving yourself. To neglect it is not wise. Allowing other problems to absorb this time can mean future exhaustion.

*Paying attention to the manners and training of your own children is a great contribution to the world. When they become Christians, as adults they will spread their influence to others who will be converted to Christ. This is something you can do for the world right in your own home, which becomes your own ministry.

*Fulfilling the scripture's admonition to be keepers of the home really does help make the world a better place. If you care about your country's reputation, you'll be very conscientious about the way you keep your house and personal property.

*Send out notecards as a way of serving others from your home. Make a little extra something when you are   sewing, so that you always have gifts ready if they are needed. Protecting your time does  not mean neglecting those who are in need. There are so many ways of blessing others without neglecting your home. In some places, grocery stores will deliver, for a fee, a phone order of groceries to someone. While it is great to do it yourself, I think that the young women with children at home really need to be careful not to take on too many other responsibilities. I have seen young mothers sometimes try to "save the world" who are always involved in some activity, and unable to really be homemakers and homebodies for their children.

Colossians 4:5 says to walk with wisdom around those who are outside of the faith, and redeem the time. (Just run your arrow over the scripture citation and the verse will appear.)  To redeem something means to regain possession of it, or to free it.  Homemakers really do need to be cautious about allowing their time to be put into captivity. If they do not practice protecting it, they might find it slipping away, and they will lose that sense of freedom that a woman at home is supposed to feel. When you commit big sections of time to something that drains your mental and physical energy to the point of becoming burnt-out, you have allowed that time to be captured. Redeem it by freeing it.

An English Poppy Field by Bernard Willington
from allposters

When homemakers take on too many problems outside of their own homes, there can be signs of social stress, such as:
-Inability to concentrate on simple tasks at home
-Words become jumbled and thoughts disjointed
-Unable to relax or unable to sleep
-No longer participating in things that once were interested in
-Children more fussy and noisy
-Thoughts constantly on someone's problems
-Making a cozy home is not as interesting.
-Feeling rushed all the time, in meal preparation and other housekeeping
-Not getting to the grocery store early enough and when there, not able to concentrate on what you need to get. Reading something on a label or sign but not really seeing it.
-Breathing is not normal, and tightness in chest from so much stress.
-Only time to do surface housekeeping. No time to sew, no time to clean a shelf, no time to read a book.
-No time to pay attention to your appearance--just rushing through the morning with a quick brush of the hair, neglecting your appearance.
The Small Garden 11 by Henry John Yeend King

Husbands can take a big role in providing peace and safety at home for their wives by helping to protect their time. They can reassure their wives that they are perfectly happy to have them at home and that there is no need to feel they have to fill up their time with projects for other people, or pressure-filled home businesses. The most helpful thing a man can do is reassure his wife that she is acceptable and important if she has energy only for house work and if she wants to spend some time baking a cake or sewing a dress or reading a book. As long as she is home, she is not obligated to fill up her time with causes and things that rob her of rest and relaxation. Men can also create things to make life easier in the home for their wives, from building needed organizational shelves, to installing convenient things to make kitchen and laundry room work easier. They can also keep the home in good repair and add things that make life comfortable, to take the stress off the woman at home.

Sadly, there are men who do not understand the value of a woman just being home, even if she is sitting down and reading, or sewing, or baking a cake. The pressure of the world to make money and pay your own way is upon them, and they think women should always be making money or they have no value. If a man truly cherishes his wife he will insist that she take time out to rest and to pursue things she loves, just for the pleasure of them, such as sewing or decorating or watching her favorite movies. It is too bad that many young women at home think that they cannot do anything unless it is work, but it is an important part of life to have some leisure. It strengthens you for doing your work more energetically. Women will find they are much more productive in their housekeeping when they give themselves time to take tea and read their mail.

There are good reasons that God provided for Christian women to be occupied with the home. For one thing, it reduces the demands that other people put on her time. However, sometimes if she is not careful, she can allow this same kind of imposition at home.  A woman at home also has the opportunity to regulate herself without schedules and rules being placed upon her by a business. If she is not careful, she can get allow other things to regulate her.  At home, a woman is free to come and go as she pleases, but too much social pressure can limit her freedom.  

There is nothing wrong with staying home and resting, or doing as you like, and it is good to protect that time, and to be wary of trying to fill up with other causes so that you really are not able to enjoy being home.

Here is a good idea if you want to remind yourself to preserve the time: Write on a chalkboard the words: "Redeem the time."

P.S. Of course the homemakers and the homeschoolers, women old and young, are very well informed and educated about the political process. They in fact, are the best watchers of the political process. I believe that we should always be alert about what is going on so we can protect our families. What I'm warning about is taking so much time for it that your housework and family are not getting the best part of you.

To print this article for your notebook, go here.

You might also like to read  "Unnecessary Stress."

44 comments:

LadyLydia said...

It is still foggy here, so I hope to have a couple more fog posts. Also I am hoping to show how to sew a dress, from start to finish. It is taking a long time to get it ready to post. It is amazing how much time it takes to set up a step-by-step picture series.

ChristyH said...

I really needed this post. I have occasionally let outside activities take up way too much time. And way tooooooo much mental energy. Thank you so much for your encouragement.

budgeteer said...

Thank you for the excellent and much-needed advice for many of us, LadyLydia

Women all over the world are being worn-out by getting obsessed and involved in issues outside of their home sphere. Mostly, we cannot solve these outside problems and that is why they overwhelm and rob us of our health.

Lesley

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this, I was just going to ask a question about the same thing. I spent a lot of time learning to knit and sew, and now people ask me to do these things for them, asking things like, "Oh, you aren't busy right now, are you?"

I have done a little for others, but it has knocked me flat in other areas that I have needed to keep up with.

Some of my friends have the ability to learn just like I did. I took many years and worked very painstakingly at it. There was no one to teach me, I had to do my own research. They have no idea of what really goes into making a garment. There isn't really an amount of money you could be paid that would make it worth your while to do this for others while keeping home with little children.

But I learned it because I wanted to make special things for my own family. I'm not interested in a business. Sometimes I will make something for someone else, out of my own desire to do it, as a gift, and that is no problem.

But when they ask, and tell me it would be a great way for me to make money (my husband has a great job), I still feel really awful saying, "Maybe you could get out your own machine, and follow the directions on the pattern, just like I had to learn to do". I would be glad to answer a few questions for them, or even spend time sewing with them, but not do it for them.

But somehow, I feel that it is not wrong of them to ask, but it is a weakness in me, to 'stew' over it like I do, wondering if maybe I really can fit it in and do it, if I would just try harder, instead of just happily saying no. It makes me feel there is something wrong with me that I would put making some things for my own family before making things for other people. Just like your article says, I feel I have no right to do this. They are not needy people, either, but very capable, and many have their own machines, just won't learn to use them.

Thank you for the words of wisdom. They have really helped me make real decisions about how to run my life throughout the years that I've followed you!

Mary said...

My husband and I are sitting in front of our fireplace, the curtains drawn, the flowers, planted last Spring in a burst of orange. Thank you so much Lady Lydia for continous reminders to cherish our home. Lately, as recent empty nesters it has been a challenge to redefine ourselves and become accustomed to the quiet. It is refreshing to read your posts, how blessed I am to be here with my best friend enjoying these moments.

Anonymous said...

This post is so timely for me. As a new empty-nester, I find we are being pulled into the social sweep at church. My husband is enjoying it, but I find I'm wearing out from an overpacked calendar. I've got plenty to do around this house and yet I have to stop two or three times a week for this potluck or that dinner party or some other small group. I am by nature an introvert, so I find all this socializing to be draining. Hubby finds it exhilarating. We'll figure it out, I'm sure, but your post gives me encouragement that this is not unusual. BTW, I've been a follower of your blog since the outset and thoroughly appreciate your writings. You've been so much help to me over the years.

Sara said...

Dearest Lady Lydia,
I have been reading your articles and posts for years now. I have printed off many, many of your articles and I reread them regularly for encouragement. I think this article would have to be one of your best and for me, one of the most practical. I would be considered an 'older woman' now, but O how I needed to hear this. I can clearly see how burn-out has set in to my life and mind becouse of the 'otherness' I have been practicing for so long. I have felt overwhelmed by so many things that don't pertain to my family and my home. I have had the mentality that I must 'help the needy', be hospitible, be a watch(woman) on the wall and all while trying to love husband, children, and home. It can not be done. At least not as a lifestyle. You're article was so right. I have a charitable and hospitible heart, but the burden is not on me to prove it by doing and worrying. I care about what is happening in the world, but I am not required to carry the burden of it. I can relax and enjoy my family and home because truly that is the only thing that God has called me too. I must be realistic about this fact and not be swayed by the enemy to think anything less. Oohrah for you! I am not very articulate, but please know how very thankful I am that you are. God bless you. Sara Kelly

Shirley said...

My husband has taught me the same lessons throughout our marriage, stay home, use my time and energy to enhance my family, don't feel obligated to drain myself in areas God has not ordained for me to be used in. How encouraging to be reminded by your lovely words...your blog uplifts my heart.
Shirley Cox

Shirley said...

My husband has taught me the same lessons throughout our marriage, stay home, use my time and energy to enhance my family, don't feel obligated to drain myself in areas God has not ordained for me to be used in. How encouraging to be reminded by your lovely words...your blog uplifts my heart.
Shirley Cox

Anonymous said...

This was a wonderful, helpful post. My extended family is going through a crisis right now that could cause me to stop focusing on my own husband and children, if I allow it to get to me. One thing I notice is that when I try to set my priorities as you suggest, there are people who don't respect that, and start becoming more demanding of the my time, not less. The valuable reminders in your post are important things to keep in mind, when others become demanding. There are people who would not dream of bothering a woman in a workplace, but don't hesitiate to make all kinds of demands on homemakers, at all hours.

LadyLydia said...

Sara, I will try to remember to put the link for printing this article, soon.

Anony: what a great point: "People would not dream of bothering someone in a workplace.." Its so true. Of course we are always open for drop in visits and hospitality, but we have to be able to identify the causes that will suck up all the energy required for home.

LadyLydia said...

One of the most common remarks when someone sees a homemaker make or do something (sewing, decorating, teaching, hosting tea parties) is, "You could SELL those!" or "You could make a BUSINESS" out of this. Yet everyone who says this, is capable of doing it themselves. It is more motivating to make clothes for friends and family, and to sell only that which is extra. People don't realize that if you go into business, it absorbs all your time and thinking and can be a drain on your energy.

LadyLydia said...

Yes it is interesting, as you say: you can be sitting in a beautiful house with plenty of food in the pantry, able to show hospitality, and the guest says "you could start your own business with this." Obviously you are not poor and destitute, you have a husband who is providing.

Anonymous said...

My husband relieved me of all that stress when, early in our marriage, he humorously said, "I am not paying you to worry about politics. I would rather you make me an apple pie." An instant feeling of relaxation came on me and I've had to remind myself of this saying of his, because I sometimes get tempted to be caught up in something.

Anonymous said...

There is an article I'm looking for on your blog with a title something like, "So, you think you are ready to go back to work?".

It contains a list of all the things that could be done, if you were out of things to do at home! : )

I looked as thoroughly as I could for it, but couldn't find, and would like to read again. Thank you!

Also, I appreciated an article I read on Mrs. B's website. Thank you for linking to her the other day - it was called something like "Homemaking at the speed of Love", or something close.

LadyLydia said...

My husband has a similar attitude. He says, "Just let me worry about the state of the world, and you make a nice home for me to worry about it in."

Anonymous said...

Wow, you have a rare and insightful husband, Anonymous @ 1:54!

LadyLydia said...

Its under Most Requested posts and is here http://homeliving.blogspot.com/2007/09/taking-time-to-reflect.html but as it gets requested so often, I'll put it up on the side at the top

LadyLydia said...

Please refresh the page and have a look on the left at the top where I have placed the link to that post.

Anonymous said...

A fine & timely post, & one that I hope women who have been troubled with the thought that they are not contributing enough to their "keep", will read carefully & give some serious thought.

It seems that a husband who is alright with, or even enthusiastically supportive of, his wife staying at home to tend to the many & varied needs there is a real rarity these days. "Just let me worry about the state of the world, & you make a nice home for me to worry about it in." Gotta love that! :o)

Satan certainly has worked his mischief with housewives/homemakers, hasn't he? Hmm....how often I've prayed that God will grant that I might see the day we come to our collective senses, as a culture, & stop penalizing (either socially, or economically) the women who find the satisfaction their hearts long for by doing for others under their own roofs, & that the husbands will proudly say, "I'm the breadwinner for our family...& my wife helps make that possible for me!"

Brenda

LadyLydia said...

Brenda that is a very good motto for a husband who is looking for ways to be supportive of his wife at home.

Linda said...

LadyLydia, this was so encouraging and beautifully said.Thank-you!
Linda

living from glory to glory said...

Greetings, I am feeling the fresh words of peace and wisdom just flow from a post that all women need to read. It was like you were in my home this last week and you heard our cry.
A believe we do need to set our homes in the place in the right priority and not the last few minutes of strength.
My hubby has always encouraged me to rest and only do what is right for us.
Blessings, Roxy

Anonymous said...

I too have been spending way too much time viewing political type You Tube videos...all about what's happening in various areas of American life. I have to tell you , it is somewhat addicting...I will really cut back and spend more time on my little apt. home and with sewing, which I have neglected for some time. But I have been planning for the future for safety.
LM

Anonymous said...

Ooh...how exciting to learn of your up-coming post, Lady Lydia! This will be most inspiring to all of us...thank you for all the time and hard work you are putting in to all that you are doing for us. Bless you! And wish I could enjoy the fog you have right along with you!
LM

Machelle said...

This was a very inspiring peice! I'm still learning how to be able to shut off my "stress brain" and put on my "peaceful" brain!

Kimberline said...

This was well timed for me. In December I stepped out of all my obligations in order to take care of my health. Since that time I've traveled more, shopped more, gone to more doctor's appointments with kids, and basically had NO REST. I'm really wondering if this is a Satan kind of thing.

I need to grow a backbone and draw a line in the sand on this I think. I know I need days and days at home without appointments to pull me from the home. Is it possible to do that?

I'm especially going to be mindful of giving away time to people online and through emails. I did notice that when people found out I was going to be home more, that they suddenly thought I should be online chatting with them. I'm cutting that out for several people right now. I'm going to remind them that I'm supposed to be resting and when I have energy, it needs to go toward caring for my kids and keeping up my home. Thank you for sort of "giving me permission" to take that time back. I needed help to do it.

This article was so welcome...so important to me at this time. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I particularly appreciated your comment that older women need time to work on their health. A few years ago I got very run down--I had gained weight and was too busy taking care of everyone else to make time for exercise. I developed high blood pressure, prediabetes and problems with my joints. I decided to change my ways and made a healthy diet and daily exercise a priority. Four years later, I am 60 pounds lighter, my blood pressure and blood sugar are normal, and I am strong and healthy thanks to a balanced diet,weight training, and aerobic exercise. I rarely get sick anymore and have more energy to care for my family and home. My husband is delighted that I have regained my figure and is much kinder to me. My doctor told me the best way to ensure a healthy old age is to build as much muscle and bone strength as you can before menopause and keep exercising and eating well after menopause. Don't put your need to stay healthy on the back burner because you are so busy taking care of everyone else.

LadyLydia said...

If the person who sent the comment about selfishness would please email me at ladylydiaspeaks@comcast.net I would be happy to discuss this with them. I don't want to publish the comment until I understand what she is trying to say. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

One of the most comforting and encouraging things my husband ever told me was that he did not care if I accomplished anything, as long as I was happy and wanted to stay home and take care of the children. He wants his children cared for and he wants them to be safe and he does not think I am of less value if I can't do other things.

Anonymous said...

This post is a God-send to me today...one of those moments when you read the words you most needed to hear, almost in answer to the very thoughts I was having as I sat down!

I am not 'at home', but it is my own fault. I am home today - sick- again- and spending too much time worrying about the problems of others.

Lady Lydia, I know you speak the truth. God bless you, and give me the strength to just "go home" already!

Kentuckybranch said...

There are two other aspects of the distraction and exhaustion that can come with not guarding your time.One is something that perhaps Lady Lydia was too kind to mention (though she has addressed it other times) and the other is one that Lady Lydia may have been delicate to not mention.

There are some ladies that will involve themselves with all kinds of church activities,causes and others personal lives where it is unwise to be involved. They do not draw the line because consciously or unconsciously they do not want to fulfill their role in the home. It does not seem "high" enough to them or of interest to them or worth learning how to do well or bring creativity to. All the distractions presented to them are welcome and a husband who is getting concerned or upset about the condition of regular home life or his wife is dismissed as "not understanding".

The other husbandly concern with a tired wife even if he can tolerate the uncentered home is something I will put delicately. The wife who expends all her focus not only away from the home but away from him. They are unhappy with a wife who is always having a headache or seems too tired or uninterested in them every evening. He can get lumped in with not enough of a higher cause.She thinks surely he should understand other obligations or efforts that also lead to fatigue or lack (including too much focus on the children or the care of the home)of interest in him.Yes,husbands can be understanding,for awhile,but not on a regular basis. A wife,to be loved and desired and to feel the same must guard herself so that when the Song of Solomon calls so to speak, she is able,willing and available. It is plenty to do to keep the house humming along,your attitude positive, your body some rested and your husband with an assurance that you love him as only a wife can.

Alex said...

Great post, and very perceptive of the way it can sometimes get with we women, when we are at home. A real wake up call!
We should realise we have a very special role to play and to be firm about it so that we can really do this.
I feel ready to defend the cause!
Thanks :)

Anonymous said...

There are two aspects not mentioned with the protection of time and rest. One,Lady Lydia has previously written about and the other perhaps she is too delicate to mention.

There are those who focus on any and everything other than the home either because they see these causes and interests as "higher" than the home or because they actively dislike the obligations of the home (too mundane,not prepared so frustrated or not enough outside reward and approval). A husband who sees the results in his wife,children and home may be upset with this but is labelled as "not understanding" or "not seeing her value as a person".

The other matter has to do with a woman who finds herself with a lot of evening "headaches" or fatigue and seems to have little interest or time for her husband. Husbands can be marvelously understanding,FOR A TIME. However, if a wife regularly puts home,hobbies,children and outside interests constantly before him he will be quite unhappy. To be loved,desired and willing a woman must have some energy and focus and thought for her husband. It is more than enough to creatively manage our home,to raise children who are a blessing and to keep the heart and body of our husband as in the Song of Solomon and I Cor.7:4.

Anonymous said...

What is amazing is that a woman who works full time outside the home is rarely put upon by others to do a lot of charity work or adopt stray pets to look after, or take care of social problems in the world. The homemakers are told sometimes that they are selfish or lazy and not generous or caring of other people.

This is unfair criticism. The homemaker DOES care about other people, and she particularly cares for her own family , pets and home, and they will not be a burden on others. She takes full responsibility.

Sarah said...

Very true and helpful. I agree with a previous commenter about getting too involved with church activities. I attend a small church and there is a great pressure to be at all of the women's events and to help in various ways on Sunday. I am a momma to a 1.5 year old (hopefully more!) and I find myself fretting over things that are expected of me on Sunday. Thanks LadyLydia for being a fresh voice!

P.S. - I am a stay at home mom PLUS my husband works from home. Needless to say, people assume we are available 24/7!

LadyLydia said...

It is not selfish nor un-Christian to look after your own. Most women at work outside the home are obligated to stick to that job until quitting time. No one would ask them to do something else because it would adversely affect their employment. Women at home may need to remember that they are obligated to do their job at home, and not feel guilty if they can't manage anything else. If your husband had a job that was 9 to 5 he would not dream of leaving it to do other things. By the same token we have to be careful not to allow our freedom and our time to be taken up with things not directly related to improving our home life.

Anonymous said...

This post was so needed! It actually spoke to questions in my mind when I sat down. I am not at home, with no one to blame but myself. I am home sick from work - again. This post speaks to listening to the pressures of the world, instead of to the Voice of God in scripture, and running ourselves down because of it.
As an older married woman, without children, I have resisted the call home. I have bought into the social notion that we should all be "earners" and I realize that this focus on money is satanic. It leaves both husband and wife so exhausted that there is no time for the enjoyment of God's creation.
In addition to being called to contribute more and more financially to church (of course a tithe is appropriate) we are called upon to fund raise through more and more activities. This is craziness.

It is really time to step off the hamster wheel.
Thank you Lady Lydia, you are divinely inspired in your work.

LadyLydia said...

To the lady in Florida: you can come and experience some of the seasons here if you like: cold, almost warm, blazing hot and dry, drenched, fog, etc.

To the recent comment: My words are not inspired, but one cannot lose by following the scriptures. Jesus is called the Rose of Sharron--a rose without thorns, and his words will never hurt you when you grab hold of them. I believe he spoke through the writers of the New Testament and that it relieves women of many of the heavy responsibilities that they would take on when trying to please the world. It is not true that you will be financially poorer just because you stay home. Many women who stayed home in the earlier years of their marriage did have some financial tightness but later on it got better. I'm sure one of the fears is financial but there are lots of ways to have other incomes at home--particularly through investment. I don't know if you have an Edward Jones rep in your area but it is an institute that can take a little money and make it grow into an income.

Anonymous said...

This was a wonderful post and very timely! I loved all the comments; they were very good and also let me know that other homemakers also experience the stress I encounter with this potluck dinner or that group. It can be exhausting getting ready , traveling many miles and then sitting 3-4 hours at someone's house and then traveling back again. To do this a few times a week plus the homeschooling, cleaning, cooking , laundry, errands and training of children can be awfully draining. Thank you to all the ladies and Lydia for reminding me that I don't need to feel bad or guilty because I am not in this or that ministry or that potluck or this raising money event.
I also have great sympathy for all those empty nesters which I will be soon and also women with no children.. this is because the comments I hear are that these women need to 'be doing something' Sometimes , it doesn't help when other women make comments about needing to keep busy by running this or that and not 'just staying home'
I am so thankful to know traditional women are still here and still at peace at home.
Mari

LadyLydia said...


Mari, as a preacher's wife, I was in the beginning of my marriage perfectly happy to attend all the church functions, Wednesday night Bible Classes, and Ladies Bible Class, etc. But as I began homeschooling I saw there was something not quite right about all that. It seemed a substitute for real home life. We taught the children Bible at home through all their curriculum, even in the Math courses. And also the evening meetings were too late at night for young families. I was in a real situation because my husband was the preacher and I did not want to take the children out at night and I was also a very tired young mother. I began to see that churches sometimes do things that fill up the time that families could better use together at home. We are commanded to assemble and to observe the memorial (Lord's supper) and to be faithful, but sometimes I thought the extra programs of the church were exhausting. If we are dedicated to the home, the church will not find it necessary to supply all the social programs that the home would have once provided. I can remember in the "old days" that certain church families used to show hospitality and of course we were glad to go, but it was not a program that was set in place to last for years and years.



Anonymous said...

Thank you Lydia for this post. I am a older wife who has one grown child still at home (age 19). I have been an isolated homemaker since I came home when the children were babies and I began homeschooling. Now that I have more "time" I am beginning to feel uncomfortable that I'm expected to join in the meetings and clubs for the constant never-ending fundraising that goes on in our church community. I don't want to. I don't want to be running around all the time raising money for this or that thing. If more women were at home with their families and let the men lead the church like they're supposed to .. our church would be in a lot better shape in general. But the amount of busybody-ism going on is unbelievable. I know too that once you do one thing, the pressure is increased and you will be called all the time to do this or that. You can't let these people get their hooks in you. Anyway, thank you again for your thought provoking and comforting post. (Lisa)

LadyLydia said...

Lisa, If more women were home, any needs of the church would be divided more between them, but when only a few women are available at home to minister to the sick, or to prepare for a wedding, a funeral, a baby, etc. it is a bigger burden. Most of the "church things" that require so much time are not necessary.

Eve | Inchworm Chronicles said...

I needed to hear this wisdom. Thank you!

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