Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Keeping Education in Perspective and Video 24

Hello Ladies,

I spoke too long and did not notice I got cut off. I decided not to remake the
video, as it was not rehearsed and I was not sure I could repeat it all, so please excuse the abrupt ending!

I was alerted to this subject of being too busy for  parents and grandparents,  how they sideline them, and how this is effecting people everywhere. Several homemaker bloggers and other women I know are talking about this subject.  I hope it will not seem accusatory or condemning. I am just sharing how we can rise above the world's behaviour.

My husband says he has recently come across so many grieving parents whose grown children and grandchildren have cut them off. He says it is a national and international disease that will bring down our familes, churches and nations faster than bad politics.  Even on a family reunion in Kansas he heard people complaining about the same thing: the children are too busy for their parents, seldom come home to visit, will not pick up the phone when called, and cannot be bothered to make courteous calls just to touch base and reassure the parents.

 My fellow-blogger lady at Living From Glory to Glory  has written several good posts about this, and we are bringing this heartache to light so that you can teach your children the better way.

I have also heard from a LOT of other women who had a wonderful relationship with their children while they were home, but who do not bother with them at all now that they are away from home.

We need to remember that God does not look lightly on the disregard and dishonoring and ignoring of our parents. Those of us whose parents are now passed away realize the finality of all that. We live with every single regret of not spending more time with them. We want to warn you that this neglect and lack of bonding will one day come back to bring you deep sorrow that you may not be able to reconcile. (Naturally there are acceptions to this. Please do not inisist on exposing your children to grandparents who have sinful vices which will be corrupting to your children.)

There is also the reverse of this sorrow: parents who are through with their children and start living like they have no grandchildren, never phoning or visiting or creating a welcoming home for them.  Grandparents should generally make their home open and available to their grandchildren, barring exceptions. It is sad when someone has to make an appointment with Grandma because her social life is so big that she cannot accommodate them.

No matter how imperfect your Mother or Daughter is, your communication with her can give both yourself and her, more life and more health!  You know, the doctors and the medical tests cannot detect the symptoms of broken hearts! Unrequited love is painful but unresolved sorrow caused by hearts that miss their loved ones, can be emotionally and physically debilitating to loving Mothers and their grown children. Remember the book, "Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and be Happy" by Barbara Johnson. When the author's son cut her off, she lost her health. Reconciling brings health and peace!

 In my home, my husband and I hear more and more personal accounts from grieving Mothers whose daughters or sons leave them alone for so long and do not communicate happily and regularly. With her permission, I have spoken of a case where a Mother wanted to spend more time, even in small segments, with her children and grandchildren.  

Ladies, as homeschoolers and homemakers, we can do better than the world. We must not practice the "cut-off" culture's antics of silent treatments and rudeness.

Perhaps we need a review of polite and happy telephone conversations.  Maybe people just do not know how to have productive and healthy phone calls anymore. Maybe in my next post I can put a few hints about telephone conversation and how important it is to send your love to one another.

We must follow the words of the Holy Spirit, which are:

"In love of the brethren ...

Ladies, your children and grandchildren are some of  your "brethren" and the most important ones!

be tenderly affectioned one to another;

Affection is not a regulated, mechanical thing. People should love each other spontaneously and tears should be shed, both in sorrow and joy. We are to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. Who better to do it with than our own brethren--our mothers and grandmothers, our children and grandchildren!

 in honor, preferring one another...

Some people think other people and other places are more important than the home. They start preferring non-family members over their own parents, grandparents, grandchildren and children.  They will not let their grandchildren visit because they have friends coming over. They will not answer their daughter's  or son's phone calls because they are too busy with a life crowded with every known activity and cannot be bothered to connect with the ones God gave them for comfort and encouragement and stability!

Ladies, we should run to our loved ones like we are seeking water from a refreshing stream after being nearly dehydrated!

I realize this might not ease the deep, engulfing grief some Mothers or Daughters are experiencing. This post is merely to acknowledge it.

You probably have seen a lot of Grandparents in public who have none of their loved ones in tow, and who have to have pets to keep them company. No offense to the pets, but it is far better to have the hand of grandchild to hold!

Thank you for watching, and please be sure to leave a comment.


Since I wore this dress in the video, I want to include the "Wilderness Fashion" house frocks from Walmart's Waverly  Inspirations fabrics.

The ensemble includes Mother, daughter and Grandmother dresses and raspberry cotton cardigans.

The girl's cardigan is a long sleeved cotton tee shirt, cut down the front, with a little flower attached.  While I am talking about these clothes, I want to explain that we are being careful not to show pictures of our children online. They are not ashamed to wear the clothes, as the online trolls and critics declare, but we are protecting their privacy.  These dresses are for the home, but while they are fresh and new, they are quite suitable for church, shopping and other public things.

My old truck has been parked in the wilderness and makes a perfect prop for my Wilderness line of clothing. Oh, I do like this cheerful soft fabric with the colors of wild!  While I have made quilts, I find a hand sewn dress allows me to enjoy the fabric print and color with every step I take and when I sit in my house.


Mrs. Christopher Daniels said...

It seems to have cut off again! There's so much to say. :-)

Laura Jeanne said...

I agree with what you are saying Lydia, and yet this post and video saddens me. I experience the reverse of the situation you describe - when I was a child, my mother was always too busy for me, and now that I have children of my own my parents are too busy for them. My parents have a very active social life, like to travel, and quite frankly they don't like having children around very much. If the kids are at their house to be babysat once in a while, they stick them in front of the tv the entire time. Furthermore, they don't seem to feel comfortable coming into our home either - they are always in a rush or too busy or something. I have invited them in for tea many times (when they dropped something off) or even invited them for dinner and they refused every time.

I grew up in the late 70s and early 80s, and I have spoken with many women my age whose mothers had listened to the voice of women's liberation at that time, and "freed" themselves from the burden of family, which in reality means they became selfish, began following selfish pursuits and spent as little time with their children as possible. I literally don't have a single memory of my mother reading me a book or doing anything with me. She was always much too busy talking with her friends to talk to me. Today, from talking with other women, I have developed the opinion that a lot of us current homeschooling moms, are doing so because we are trying to create a strong mother-child bond with our children, that precious thing that we missed out on because we were born during the heyday of the feminist movement.

In addition, many of the young people you are talking about in your post who have "cut off" their parents, may have done so because they have given up trying to have a loving relationship. Very few people in my generation seem to have memories of a loving mother. I have kept trying (to no avail) but many people will get tired of getting hurt by a rejecting mother and give up.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this Lydia.... And for the encouragement in your words. Mari

anonymous said...

I have seen these same cut-off incidences happening in families whether they homeschool or not. You're right it is in epidemic proportions and didn't Jesus tell us these things would happen increasingly as time passed. It is a sign of the times, one only has to listen to the news or read a newspaper.

I personally know a grandmother who holds down a full-time job working the graveyard shift who also helps support her daughter and her family with food and diapers, clothes, transportation and A LOT OF BABYSITTING and some medical for the children.

For the grandmother's efforts the daughter has run off to another state with the two children and doesn't let the grandmother even talk to the children on the phone.
Child protective services in this state are overwhelmed and don't offer much enforcement.
There is much more to the story, but I share this to point out that this situation is very widespread.

Lydia said...

Laura Jeanne, I do agree with you! I hope I made it clear in the article that we arent required to fellowship grandparents who are not a good influence or not interested. I am addressng the people who had hmeschool pare ts themselves and who got too busy.

living from glory to glory said...

We all know that there is a problem in our world and it does affect the family! But we have all been subjected to family dynamics that are wrong! But we must take the high road and do things that can stop or break the cycle of broken hearts and minds and relationships. The feminist movement robbed many of us of our inheritance. Many problems of infidelity and divorce has done so much damage. But does that mean we try to stop the sinking ship "NO" We continue to save as many lost souls in the great big ocean called life. You made the valid point of keeping your children from a bad influence, but we are assuming that we are dealing with some healthy normal parents and grandparents. We see many children that are being exposed to terrible things. Why we do have to have all the drama and controlling stuff that just confuses the children and leaves so many isolated in what was suppose to be connections to families. We have paid a high price to just be right and prideful and to be in control of everything and everyone!
Monitoring is one thing, controlling is not healthy and leads to not being able to process and to learn discernment!
I for one have had so many wonderful memories and wisdom given to me by and through my grandparents! I will be forever grateful for their love and encouragement in my life. Someone has to say stop this nonsense and grow up and be the parent and grandparent! I always sense this is just the big bully syndrome!
Well, that's my two sense on this subject today!

Gigi's Blog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lydia said...

Hi Gigi.

This is addressed to homeschoolers who were homeschooled themselves, but who are acting the way of the worldly ways that the parents warned them about.

Lydia said...

What I mean is they participate in the cut off culture to people who are devastated by it, in order to hurt them. I am not saying ypu have to involve a mil who chews out your husband

Michelle said...

I hope that as homeschooling parents we have done a good job of integrating our lives with our children's grandparents. When our kids were young, my mother-in-law would have our children up for lunch every Weds. and to spend part of the afternoon (they live right up the lane). She did all kinds of things with them through the years-puzzles, crafting a whole town of miniatures, gardening, playing games outside, and reading aloud to them. Most weekends we go to my Mom's and eat lunch with her, and the kids do yard work for her when needed. They keep her grass mowed, etc. I always feel that we could do better, but we at least try to spend time with them both most weeks eventhough now my kids are in their early twenties and teens. I didn't know this was such a problem, but I can imagine that many grandparents might be frustrated and lonely with being so isolated from their grandchildren. Being too busy is not a good thing. I wonder if sometimes it can go the other way also, that some grandparents are too busy to help with their grandchildren, etc. I've been disappointed to hear relatives talk about how their grown children are struggling and have to find a sitter or daycare for the grandchildren, because both parents have to work. Yes, I wish these moms would just stay home instead, but if they can't, I wish more grandparents could help out at least for some of the days. Thanks Lady Lydia for sharing your thoughts with us.

Mrs. Christopher Daniels said...

I think a few tips on polite conversation would be very lovely and helpful.


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