Saturday, June 17, 2017

Include Some of These Things in Your Days

Pictures today are from Pinterest.
We all know what it is like when home life becomes mostly work!

Being keepers at home is not supposed to be continual labor, but a variety of things where work and leisure are combined.

There will always be meals to make, laundry, rooms to clean up, and things to take care of each day.  We know that, and think about it all the time, but it is good to include other things in your day at home,
...such as setting a fine table, at least once a week. It is good to keep the table setting habit in practice, and not let the table cloths and special dishes go unused. 

Treat yourself to a tea time with your favorite snacks and hot tea, and serve it in a real porcelain tea cup.

Sit on the swing. We can spend so much time cleaning up the porch we forget to enjoy it.

Other things to include in your week, besides work:

-phone a friend.
-a care package for someone by shopping your house for things you no longer need.
-creativeness in sewing, cooking, or some other interest.
-time outside.
-rearrange something, add flowers, scent, music.
-read something.
-Plan something 

Everyone has to sweep, clean the kitchen, clean the bathroom, and do the general housekeeping, but it doesn't have to be grueling if you have some leisure things planned.

If you find yourself getting snappy and tense and an unbearable attitude, stop for one of these leisurely things, even when surrounded urgency of a mess from unpacking or rearranging or just normal living.

When I get tense I stop for tea and use the most elegant cup I can find in my cabinet, and the best tea, and then I call a friend.

I posted this because I have let seasons pass by without doing the simple things traditionally done such as writing a letter, sewing a skirt, talking to someone or drawing a picture.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Concerning Cosmetics 1 Video


I love having visitors, but since you can't all come, I am visiting via video. Today I am talking about the question people sometimes ask concerning the wearing of cosmetics.

The links to these videos below might be helpful in learning how to apply skin-care products and cosmetics, if needed.

This lady in Holland demonstrates how to use a lighter touch of makeup for the  historical Jane Austen look. She has other videos you might be interested in, and I appreciate all the work she has done. Making a video difficult for me, and that is why I do not produce them often.

Lily Jarlsen  in Germany is another delightful woman who has several videos about using makeup to cover skin imperfections such as psoriasis.  There are several cosmetic companies that have products to cover unattractive skin irritations.

Please watch the two videos mentioned above, as they are helpful. Not everyone will want to use cosmetics and that is fine, but those two videos are helpful for anyone who wants a touch of makeup.

Personally, I think it is important to present yourself at your best, even at home.  I have noticed the day goes much better for me and there are fewer family troubles when I have dressed my best, and taken care of my hair and face so that my appearance is refined, which I think shows respect to my loved ones.

There was a woman I knew who had just birthed twins, and a friend came to fix her hair afterwards and give her a lift to help her recover. She applied some skin care lotions and such, and some cosmetics and the woman said it was indeed a great help. This would be a very appreciated service to help ladies in any stage of life feel better by improving their appearance. I think homemakers are the most independent people, and as such, often have no support group or working companions to encourage them. That is why it is so good to fix yourself up every day and look your best. It helps you feel good and makes life at home royal, which is what it should be.

My mental approach to my work at home is more on the optimistic, "can-do" side if I paid careful attention to  my face using skin -care products. My skin does not burn and itch when I have used skin care products and cosmetics that are appropriate for my skin type.  In applying any kind of skin care I think it is important to take your time, and to not be rushed. You feel more like a lady if you take your time.

Monday, June 12, 2017

Housewife Scenes of the Season

Above: scene from my back door

Hello Ladies,

My European friend at Adventures in Housekeeping blog had a Housewife Newsletter yesterday and so today I want to follow her cue with my own news.

The first item of interest concerns this great looking apple pie baked by a reader in Pennsylvania. You know of course that state got its name from William Penn, one of the early settlers who became the first  governor. I recall he wrote a book called Plymouth Plantation.(Thanks to a readers comment: correction: William Bradford wrote Plimouth Plantation and was the first governor. The state of Pennsylvania was named for William Penn.)

Back to the pie.  My friend Lynn M. Who baked it has also chatted on the phone with me a time or two.  

She sent pictures of the old cookbook pages where she got the recipe. I am thinking it might have been her mother's cook book.  Some of us are noticing that the more messed up the pages with stains and rips and tape, the better the recipe will taste. The same goes with old recipe cards.  If the cards or paper aren't dog-eared it is not worth making the recipe. It means the recipe was a favorite and the page was open a lot.

Another friend in a northern state sent me this picture of a kind of court yard she discovered after pulling up a lot of brush and grass and cleaning up the area around the house she lives in. She had great plans to make a seating area there, where the roses are blooming.   

For myself, not much progress is being made here at all, since it has been raining and cold.  The day lily bloomed before I could get it out of the temporary pot I used a few months ago. The weather has been too icky to plant anything.

 Also, when Jan stopped by on Saturday she brought me these bedding plants. It is just what I needed to brighten my interest in getting the flower beds looking nice.   
Although I want to keep this as cheerful as possible I have to say how messed up my place has been for the last week. We thought someone was coming to put some flooring in a bedroom so I emptied the room of a thousand and one things, which are out on the dining and living room now.  We then had a change of plans and I am busy getting it all cleaned up and put back.  It sure is a lot slower to put things back! When you empty a room it doesn't matter where everything goes temporarily but when putting it back, it has to be done much more carefully.  I would post a "before" picture but it would depress you.

I heard cooing doves while I was working and scent of mint was everywhere, as this is a big mint-growing area. 

That's all the news I have for you, and I will try to have some more, later.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

A Big Supply of House Keys

Painting above: Victorian Interlude by Nicky Boehme, from

Greetings Ladies,

Today was nice for me because a friend came by and we went to a tea room.  I got my purse and keys and we kept talking. For some reason, I set my keys down (that is why I should always have them fastened to my wallet), and walked out the door, locking it behind me. Of course I couldn't get back in and could not use the car without keys so my friend took us in her car, with me giving her stilted directions all the way to the tea room. I must say she mildly put up with me telling her every turn and every lane to get in. I am a better driving than directing.

My husband had not taken a set of keys that included a house key, so when he got home after one of his appointments, he too was locked out.  When I arrived home several hours later there was a muddy footprint on the outside window sill.  He said he used his "burgle skills" and  burglarized the house by removing a screen and opening a window.  I did notice the furniture by the window was slightly  askew, but sure was happy my 74 year old husband  still was able to climb through a window. It's great we have not lost all our survival instincts at this late date in life. (He also still uses the tractor and spends several hours keeping the grass cut, which grows tall after so much rain. We must not lose the key to the shed where that vehicle is kept, since the shed is impossible to burgle.) This week he will be busy getting a supply of house keys for our wallets and cars. Relatives and our neighbor have keys but the neighbor was not home today, so that did not do is any good.

My DH couldn't resist telling someone today after church services about the experience (this is one more to add to the stories he tells the grandkids) that he burgled the house "and it wasn't pretty." 

My friend and I shared some old patterns and I took a photo of some of hers. One of them was her wedding dress she made back in the day but I missed getting a picture.

The pattern on the right was a Centenniel historical celebration pattern.

You remember the rule I made regarding Mr. S. whenever there are ladies here for tea--to make an appearance, exchange polite greetings and then leave us to talk fabric.  Well, since we had tea elsewhere, he was waiting in his favorite chair, eager to talk on some subject, (including how he broke in to the house) and this time it was aliens, and not the immigrant type. If you remember, the last time it was the Sasquatch.   My friend and her husband have an interest and I think my husband gets some amusement from hearing what other people think about these things. Fortunately for me, she had brought a Shabby Fabrics catalog to browse, which I did when the talk turned to modern fuel injection for space craft and things that happen in a desert city in N.M. which name starts with the letter R. The question was brought up regarding replacing a well-known jet aircraft that had been retired decades ago. I shall mention nothing further, since I don't want to encourage speculation.

All in all it has been , shall we say, an "interesting" day. A big rain storm, which we describe as a "squall" poured all over my friend and me as we walked from her car to the tea room and back again. 

Mrs. W. comments here on this blog. I think she's as cute as can be and looks like a teenager. Her husband collects antique cars and is interesting too. (I posted pictures of their house here a couple of years ago). I like the way she dresses and I got such a nice picture of her at the tea room, on my cellphone, which I will try to post here, and she has a picture of the two of us on her cellphone. Just be patient while we take our time getting these star-quality pictures to the blog. She made the skirt she was wearing, and the silk flower clip on her jacket.  

Some early 1970's patterns seen on the web recently, below. 

Thursday, June 08, 2017

With Her Love She Makes a House a Home

Someone sent this to me this morning and it was a pleasant thing to wake up to on a rainy day here. There hasn't been a housewife/homemaker popular song in a long time--since Glenn Campbell's "Everyday Houseife" and I like the lyrics on this one much better! There were, however quite a few songs in the past, with this theme. Now we need some songs about these great men today who are husbands, providers and fathers and who deserve so much more recognition than they get.

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

Ladies Beach Wear With Paintings by William Henry Margetsen

The Sea Hath Its Pearls by William Henry Margetsen

Dear Ladies,

Margetsen (1861-1940) probably was not promoting  beach fashion for women, but his paintings say a lot to some of us who are wanting to look pretty at the beach.  We do notice other things in the paintings, but today I am looking at better ways to dress for a visit to the beach. 

Also, please notice how similar the hair styles of the paintings are to the natural up-sweeps and loose curls of the current decade.

Of course I am not referring to swim-wear, but beach wear, for those who just want to walk on the beach or sit and look at the ocean or engage in activities other than swimming.  So this post is not about swim wear or sports wear. I mention this because of the inevitable comments I get telling how you can't run a race in these dresses. This isn't about scaling the sand dunes, riding a horse, hiking or boating. It is about leisure wear for ladies who want to wear something soft, feminine and pretty in a slower way of life;  to wear for a low impact trip to the sea shore.

Does not dressing for a visit to the  beautiful sea shore deserve as much consideration as other events?  In my opinion a trip to the beach is a memorable event, and we create the memories in many different ways. We do not want to overlook clothing in creating memories.  I for one, like to mark the evet by a special dress, which I make. Others may do this differently but it is an important part of life to get a special garment for a special occasion.

The Seashore, by William Henry Margetsen.

As far as clothing design, I am not too keen on The Seashore dress,  because the brown piece that joins the collar to the skirt is not familiar, although it may have been a style of the 1930's. It looks like a lenghth of fabric  that is wrapped around into a skirt and then joined in the front with a clip.
I do not know for sure if the above painting is by Margetsen but when a teenager, I always thought it was quite a pretty sight when ladies sat on the beach with shawls around them, watching their children play. I always wanted to sketch such scenes.

Below: another painting by Margetson (not sure of the title).

This one, below is called "Castles of the Sand" by William Henry Margetsen, and it is these two dresses I want to immitate in sewing a dress for the beach. 

I am not sure where the scarf that is shown blowing around on the left is coming from on the garment, (above) but it may be from a wrap around waist band. I won't be using it. As I get busier (and older) I like simpler garments without too many fussy accessories. Scarves, ruffled sleeves and too full of skirts get in the way.

In the 1980's  there was a pattern that had gathered over-lays on the bodice front and back, which were quite simple to sew.  I keep looking for this pattern but could easily do it with gathered pieces, which I have shown here on my planning sheet. 

I saw this 1970's pattern on the web, and although it is hard to find, I thought it was similar to the Margetsen paintings of the white dresses. I think it would look good in pastel shades.

Summer clothing is not just applicable to the beach, for there are many opportunities to look nice all summer, whether going about you business in town, working at home, or going for a walk. 

Ladies I continually think of coming here on video as well as Housewife Radio but lately my house is full of noise due to some repair work going on, and it is quite a mess, as things from several rooms are put in other spaces to make room for all the changes. It is taking a lot more time than I anticipated as we are doing a lot of it ourselves and we have to stop often for other things in daily life.  However, I am getting close to making a video and you might even see one to go with this post. 

I appreciate your donations and your comments and your kindness in coming here to this blog. 


The garment in the above painting looks like a caftan, with embroidery on the borders.

Caftans and  Hawaiian mu-u-muu dresses were some of the most elegant ethnic clothing in the past but both got bad press here, which discouraged women from wearing them. People who wanted to undermine this fashion began to spread around that it was only for women who had nothing else to wear, or who were hiding their weight gain, or who didn't care how they looked or that only prudish women obsessed with modesty would wear them.  

I do remember the caftan and mu-u-mu very kind to the full figure visually, and comfortable in hot weather when other things might feel restrictive, and some women did indeed have nothing else to wear that fit them as well.  However, they were still beautiful garments worn by  women, young and old, thin and ample, and it is too bad women do not feel free to wear them as commonly as they once did.  If you will look at the caftans worn by royalty in places like Ethiopia you will see just how elegant these loose dresses are. Most of our mothers had these garments but they were not widely available by the time we had grown up.  These dresses were a welcome change from the dresses of the 1950's because they were so much easier to sew. 

Caftan/Mu-mu pattern from 1990's

Friday, June 02, 2017

Songs From the 50's and early 60's

I hope to post some of the songs my husband likes to listen to in the car. When he has the music playing  I feel like we are a carefree couple cruising around. A simple stop at the grocery store and the post office seems like a vacation :-).

Some of the songs we listen to are about meeting someone to marry and the lyrics talk about church bells ringing and weddings. You certainly do not hear words like that in today's Noisic. Now if they
played that in the stores I wouldn't complain.

The "crooners" of the fifties -- individual singers not in groups--often sang songs containing
references to getting married, having a house and children; sharing a future into old age together. This music, although not church music, at least did not undermine marriage and family or the woman at home.

And never did any of the songs of that era speak against God, Christ, the Bible, Christians, worship
or the church.

The songs expresses kindness, sympathy, ("put your head on my shoulder"), and gentleness between
men and women.

Also songs seemed to lack tension except for the question of winning the love of the opposite sex, which was a common challenge. Music was not too annoying, although there is some of the harmony
Not to my liking.

This next video, below, is the same group, many years later, still dressed up and still fine voices. This group performed at one of the schools my husband attended. These singing groups always dressed decently for public performances and they smiled a lot.

The Church Bells song is at 5:29 in the above video, some of the other the songs are good in that you can hear the actual words. What a novelty, eh? Hearing the words of the songs? At 15:10 is the song "Twenty-six Miles".

Below, another group that sang the church bells song:

The Church Bells May Ring

Church bells may ring,

Church bells may ring. 
Church bells may ring,

And surely, darling, the angels will sing.

I'll tell you, darling,
You're the queen of my throne.
You should have known, sweetheart, sweetheart. 
Church bells may ring,
And surely, darling, the angels will sing.

I'll tell you, darling,
You're the queen of my throne.
You should have known, sweetheart, sweetheart. 

Ling a ling a ling a ling a ling ding dong,
I love you, darling, and I want you for my own.
I'll give you any, anything that I own,

You should have known sweetheart. 

A reader left a comment about this song, and I agree: it has such good values in the music and 
lyrics. This song was sung by many different artists, but this man's voice is incredible. Jimmy Bell was the first artist to record the song, in 1960 :

She wears my ring to show the world that she belongs to me
She wears my ring to show the world she's mine eternally
With loving care I placed it on her finger
To show my love for all the world to see
This tiny ring is a token of tender emotion
An endless pool of love that's as deep as the ocean

She swears to wear it with eternal devotion
That's why I sing, because she wears my ring

She swears to wear it with eternal devotion
That's why I sing, because she wears my ring
This tiny ring is a token of tender emotion
An endless pool of love that's as deep as the ocean
She swears to wear it with eternal devotion
That's why I sing, because she wears my ring
That's why I sing, because she wears my ring

Songwriters: Boudleaux Bryant / Felice Bryant
You may like this one: "I'll Be With You in Apple Blossom Time."

Cars of the times were very nice too, and well built, but I wouldn't mind a reproduction of the previous era roadsters with the picnic box on the back!

Leisure Days

On the Shores of Bognor Regis, Portrait Group of the Harford Couple and Their Children, 1887

By: Alexander Rossi 

Hello dear Ladies,
We are coming to the end of cold weather and getting busier outside.  At the end of June we are planning a trip to the coast with a cousin. As I was looking on Allposters for beach paintings I found this painting by Alexander Rossi, who also painted this afternoon Tea Scene:

In the 1960's when I lived in Australia, there were some girls who burned easily at the beach and wore pretty dresses with long sleeves, similar to this vintage pattern:

One girl made something similar in pink gingham check,  which she wore a broad-brimmed sun hat.

These are patterns from thr 1960's and early 1970's which we enjoyed using. I do not own any of these patterns anymore but and busy finding them again in Etsy stores:

We enjoyed using trims on these garments and rick-rack always went with gingham check---so pretty!

I do have this pattern. It was one of the patterns I first bought. I had to adjust it in a few places. The skirt was a strawberry print. In the early 70's the fabric stores had a wide range of strawberry prints on different backgrounds.

Monday, May 29, 2017

A Shocking Lack of Denim

Dear Ladies,

This is a very "materialistic" post. There is a shocking lack of denim in these parts. Goodwill had no long denim skirts and the short ones were in very short supply, making it impossible to use the fabric to make an adequate denim skirt to work and play in that would provide the great protection that denim always does so well.

We used to cut denim jeans apart and make skirts but there was a shocking lack of denim jeans in thrift stores, Goodwills and Walmarts. 

Some of you remember how people kept denim clothes until old and torn and faded and then still kept them, because denim is such a comfortable fabric when washed and worn to softness.  Later on the fashion industry imitated the worn, torn look. I suppose it was one way they could get denim-lovers to buy more. Otherwise, they are usually content with worn-out denim.  

Denim began as a fabric suitable for men working in the mines in the 1900's, because it did not easily   puncture or tear. The homesteaders and farm workers liked it too, and it made the fashion scene through catalogs where it was marketed with gingham shirts and bandanas.   We wore it all winter and by summer it was thin enough for warmer temperatures.

Those of you who are familiar with the ending "lack of satin" remark in the 1995 movie "Emma" will understand the title of this post. 
The fabric stores yielded nothing, and catalogs like Blair, Chadwicks, the Paragon and others had nothing left in denim clothing for ladies.

I mentioned fabric for possibly sewing,  but prefer factory made denim clothing because the industrial machines do a good job on the flat-felled seams and other doubly sewn areas. 

Denim is a western staple, so I hope we aren't losing our denim.  It is the most adequate fabric for just about everything:- travel, house work, western-wear and ranch work,  errands, outings and innings! A comfy cotton, which takes years to wear thin, it is makes very protective garments for the home and garden.  

When my friend Roxy of Living From Glory to Glory Blog came to see us, she wore a cute denim jacket and she looked so very chipper and youthful! Denim makes you feel young, for some reason.  I remember the fabric stores used to sell denim in other colors, even pink, but most of us prefer blue denim. 

The thing we are all very weary of is the jeans. We get tired of seeing the torn jeans, the bleached jeans, the ill-fitting jeans, the jewel encrusted jeans.  It is time for a design change in the jeans department.  However we are really missing our denim skirts and jackets. The fabric of these garments is so sturdy it can be worn for decades, and the skirts do not show up as cast-offs and donations in the thrift stores.  

Here is a skirt from an older Spiegal catalog. At the time it was dreadfully expensive but it would still be a classic style today.  Denim skirts and vests were a very feminine look when paired with cotton lace blouses; a pretty contrast of rough and refined. A skirt or vest looks particularly good with a white cotton eyelet blouse.

I have seen floral printed denim and other types of denim. Chambray, a thinner cotton similar to denim, seems to be getting scarce too.

It would be good if this outfit was reproduced and made available. The jacket is so nice.

When I get my sewing room and supplies more orderly you may see some garden aprons and other garden garments here (at least I hope).  

It is Memorial Day and so may people are now using it as a remembrance of all families in the past. Many people have fought battles on the Homefront, both spiritual and in a physical way building homes and livelihoods. We honor the sacrifices of parents and grandparents who have done more than they were ever given credit for.  People usually have a family and friends lunch and activities at home this day.

Friday, May 26, 2017

Today's Scenes and a Little About Conduct of Outsiders in the Home

Good Morning Ladies,

It is looking quite wild around here and yes, I will try and paint that (below) fence this year.

The wind has wreaked havoc with anything not nailed down, so Mr. S. has secured the metal swing to the trees with you-know-what. Eventually I am going to find some camouflage stretch chords for projects like this.
Of course, the tree could always fall down, but for now we think the swing is stable. It just doesn't look very photogenic. 

I found this little rose tea pot at Goodwill and thought it looked good parked next to the Paul deLongpre yardlong print I got from the same place last year :
Also from a little antique store that recently opened in our town, I found these crocheted trivets which were made by a local woman on commission. We actually USED these kind of things for hot pads on the table back-in-the-day, as they were commonly available, but over the last few decades I haven't seen many of them, so I was delighted to find these. I won't be using them as I do not know if the next generation of women will even be making them!

Also I wanted to share something about the atmosphere of the home.

A lot has been said about how home life should be a peaceful place of refuge.  Recently I have had conversations with other ladies who have experienced people coming into their homes--maybe friends, relatives, neighbors, who engage in loud outbursts and rude, accusing conversation. 

We have talked about the way it poisons the atmosphere of the home. After such people leave, there is an unsettled feeling as though something is missing. It is like the peace and joy fled.  We discussed how it takes some time to recover from the experience and feel "at home" in your own house again. There is also the problem of regaining your confidence afterwards.

In the case of younger people, it could be a rude husband or wife who has not learned the harm in disturbing the home. One of them may have grown up in a home where they thought there should be regular outbursts and constant criticism. They may have thought that is healthy. But there is a segment of society that finds it more harmful than good, particularly the ladies who have dedicated themselves for years at home.

While rude remarks and outbursts would get a person dismissed at work, or perhaps be reported as threatening behavior in public, there are those individuals who (lacking wisdom and knowledge) think it is doesn't hurt  to speak rudely in someones's home.  I suppose they know that no one will write them a ticket or a written warning for public disturbance. There will not be any complaint filed or fine levied against them.

Years ago I did a little searching through old books and magazines to find out how the Victorians viewed the verbal desecration of their persons and well-appointed homes, and found out that even the least wealthy familes had ways of preventing it.  Word would get around about some habitually rude visitor or caller (a caller was someone who just dropped by for a few minutes), and before the said person could make the mistake again in someone else's home, they were stricken from the guest list.   

This was in the day before instant messaging.  It is amazing how fast a report could circulate among a network of people, even from town to town, and without telephones. Overnight, a home wrecker was blacklisted and banished.

No one felt sorry for them, either. 

They allowed them to suffer the consequences on their actions because it often taught them a lesson and helped them to see the mistakes that were hurting their social life. Some would learn from it and be admitted back into the fold of good company. Others who would not reform were simply left out, but it was their choice, just as it was the hostess choice not to include them in polite society.

Because most people had a built-in guard for good manners (due to a well-formed teaching in decency), they responded automatically,  changing the subject, motioning the perpetrator into another room for a private conversation away from people with delicate sensibilities, or escorting them out the door and  verbally giving them the rules of conduct.

It is interesting because today we feel obligated to patiently listen and allow them to "vent". The Victorians were all for free expression but drew the line at disturbing someone in their home,the church, or places of business. Anyone who "lost it" would be so embarrassed they would not want to show their faces to anyone for a long time, and wouldn't accept an invitation if they got one.

Today many women have to sit and listen helplessly to someone's outbursts because they are trying to be understanding and patient. If they claim to be Christians, they feel a double burden, because the perpetrators have an unreal expectation that a Christian is obligated to allow people to speak rudely and create a disturbance.

If the anger or accusations are very intense, it could be worse to try and stop them in the middle of their performance. It is like tangling with a bear. I remember how the homesteaders were very careful not to wound a wild animal, because it became even more dangerous. 

So today I am going to share some things you can do to diffuse the situation, should your home ever become disturbed by someone coming to vent all their resentments.

-Silence.  When someone is angry they are in "the far country" as my husband calls it.  They have gone into a mental state where they cannot be reasoned with. Every response you give them only fuels their anger. Your words also give them more material and evidence against you.  That is something people try to tell you when dealing with the law: even the most innocent remark can be twisted by someone to be used against you. 

-In such a mental cloud, these people do not even recognize or accept any apologies or attempts to make things right with them. In fact, some people do not want to make things right because they enjoy making you feel unsettled. 

- As Christian ladies, we are not able to function well if we know someone is upset with us, and so we attempt to get it straightened out.  However, there are some people who really do not want people to make things right. They enjoy keeping others in a state of emotional uncertainty.

-Be careful about peace offerings. Some ladies have suggested when tension increases to offer Tea.  That is not a good idea when dealing with a wild animal in the far country.  They could ruin a perfectly good tea set. If you still insist on tea to diffuse a bad situation, at least use your tin campfire set of cups.

-Cellphones are abundant these days. I have known a few people who asked permission to make a video of the outburst "because I want to remember what you said and be accurate" only to find the other person gets quiet very quickly. They probably do not want to see themselves on a family movie night in such a condition.

-Avoid trying to appease them with gifts and hand-outs, freebies, or compensations.  Make rudeness a loss and not an advantage. Small children engage in trantrums  hoping to get something they want. Make sure any adult tantrums result in not only no advantages or gifts, but send them home with less privilege. We used to call that "taking them down a notch or two" because they would have to work hard to regain your good opinion or be let into your fellowship and "good graces."

-Since most rages begin with a rude remark or criticism, you might be able to diffuse it early by thinking, "this person does not have the knowledge, experience and training that I have been blessed with. They are not able to reason in a polite way." When you realize their disadvantage, you will not be able to argue with them. You feel they are like a little child still growing up, having temporary glitches in their maturity.

-These people should be doing something helpful and useful and lasting (such as fixing something or cleaning something) instead of wasting time disturbing someone's equilibrium. Sometimes they get you in a conference where they attempt to go over a long list of points against you. This is a waste of good time. They need to do something useful they will be remembered for, such as repairing a squeaky door or cleaning a room.

I feel I need to mention that all the ladies who have ever brought this subject up usually say their own parents and grandparents and they themselves, never attempted to disturb the home with rudeness.  It was considered a sin against God, and a blight on your soul that you would have to repent of with much agony and tears and great effort to make things right with your brother. It was never a good feeling knowing you had offended God and no one was quick to repeat the offense.

 "Well,"  they say, today,  "What is wrong with that?  There is nothing wrong with venting as long as I apologize and ask for forgiveness!"

Let me remind you of the Lord's warning not to to be so casual with sin just because of His grace is covering it all the time. We are told not to use grace as an excuse.  "My father will pay for it!"  says the careless person.  This is what many preacher's term "crucifying Christ a-fresh," meaning disregarding the supreme sacrifice of Christ and showing disrespect for Him by willfully offending.  (A great study if you ever want to explore this!)

There are many parables, stories, and legends told over the centuries to emphasize the folly of rashness and rudeness.  In short, while you may indeed be able to recover from the pain you inflict on someone, that "someone" will always be cautious around you and never fully trust you again. 

They need to understand the maxim of leaving a bad taste in someone's mouth. It means they will be remembered as sourness and bitterness.

When we were growing up we were shown the illustration of shaking the feathers out an old pillow and challenging the children to gather them all up and put them back in the bag. Of course it was impossible, and that is like rudeness. It is impossible put words back in your mouth once they are let out. 

The home is such a blessed place, and so different than the market and the institutions around us. We cannot have the same atmosphere in the home as those places. They may be free to vent and undercut and demoralize others in the public sphere, but the home has a completely different set of values. At home, we build one another up. We rejoice with those who have success, and we empathize with those who are discouraged.  We help one another with goals and dreams. We protect one another from their own folly. We do not run each other down. We do not shout at elderly people. We do not criticise our parents.  The people in our home are too special and too important to expose them to diatribes and rages.

In such cases as these, there needs to be one person who is not angry. Let that person be you. Watch the other adult as though you were seeing a bad movie and do not let anything they say while they are in "the far country" stick in your mind.

Though this post is far too long, I cannot resist relating a particular incident in my own home when my children were quite young.  We had met another young family and invited them to eat with us in our home. During meatime conversation the subject of history came up, as to how it effects us or if it even is important in our lives today.  The husband and father who was our guest began to shout. He loudly emphasized that history was of no importance, that it did not matter and had no use for anyone today. 

As he was so loud and was not allowing any air space between his comments to enable anyone else to insert their thoughts on the matter, we were unable to participate or make any remarks one way or the other. We had not resisted or disagreed, or shown any argument, and yet he was shouting as though attacking us. I have since noticed other people doing this in conversation, as if to imply we were against them. Then they start arguing against their false perception of us.

 While we might have been agreeable on the subject, we felt a resistance to him because of his rage. He may have been correct on some points, but we did not want to reward him for his rudeness in any way so we were silent. It was very embarrassing for all of us, but I noticed his wife was just shrugging it all off as though it were a normal thing, and she was not sitting in stunned silence or unable to eat, as my family was.  When the meal was over we avoided the usual retiring to the living room because we didn't want them to get too comfortable and perhaps stay the rest of the evening. 

We never again invited them, and when we saw them in public made sure not to linger too long with them.  I am not certain they ever knew how shocked we were or why we were not cultivating a friendship with them. I felt they had done quite enough damage exposing my young family to such rude behavior and was not able at the time to be an influence on them. My duty was to look after my own family and not raise other adults or teach them manners.  I did, however, discuss the man's' behavior with my children to let them know we didn't practice such things in our home.



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