Tuesday, February 21, 2006

New Articles Soon

Thanks for your patience. New articles will be posted in the future.

Thoughts of Home

The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family. - Thomas Jefferson

The most influential of all educational factors is the conversation in a child's home. - Sir William Temple

Where there is a mother in the home, matters go well.- Amos Bronson Alcott.

A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home. - Chinese Proverb

There is nothing like staying at home, for real comfort. - Jane Austen

This is the true nature of home - it is the place of Pease; the shelter, not only from injury, but from all terror, doubt, and division. - John Ruskin.

He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home. - Goethe

The home is the chief school of human virtues. - William Ellery Channing

The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.

My preceipt to all who build, is that that owner should be an ornament to the house, and not the house to the owner. - Cicero

To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition, the end to which evry enterprise and labor tends, and of which every desire prompts the prosecution. - Samuel Johnson

Thank God for dirty dishes;
They have a tale to tell.
While other folk go hungry,
We're eating very well.
With home and health and happiness,
We shouldn't want to fuss;
For by this stack of evidence,
God's very good to us.

As a bird that wandereth from her nest, so is a man that wandereth from his place. Pro 27:8

At home, you are a king by your own fireside, as much as any monarch on his throne. - Miguel de Cervantes

Therefore, whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and bet upon that house, and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. -Mathhew 7:24-25

Painting by Peggy Sibley "Red Vase I" from allposters.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Daughters at Home

A host of people seemed unhealthily curious about what my daughter did at home, during her teen years. I'm not sure what they thought was happening, and although I assured them that she was content and busy, well-meaning relatives and friends thought that she would not be fully formed in some way if she did not go to public school, have boyfriends, or attend all the activities of other girls her age.

One of the by-products of daughters at home is their thoughtful approach to life. Everything has a purpose and there is no peer pressure to be distracted from the quiet pleasures which help develop their minds.

My daughter spent a lot of time looking at me. I remember thinking I had a little shadow, when she was young. While I was washing dishes, sewing, or cleaning house, I would sense those big brown eyes in that face framed by dark brown hair, staring at me. I would connect my eyes with her for a moment and then she and I would go about doing the things that we were doing. When she was very young, say, about 4, she seemed to look at me every 15 minutes. She came from her bedroom every quarter of an hour and found me, looked at me, and then went back to her occupation of playing or looking at books. As years went by, she looked at me less, until when she was in her teens, she would only come into contact with me every hour or two. Most of that period was spent worldlessly by my side in the kitchen or sewing, yardwork, shopping. Now that she is grown, she calls me at least once a day, but not always. She has discovered that one of her children has this same tendency.

I think this kind of contact is very important for the mother and child. It is a special bonding that is broken when the child is sent to other people to be educated. Instead of forming a bond with the parents and siblings, the child develops friendships that, although can be rewarding, do not have the same strength as family connections. By the time she was 15 she was capable of taking over the responsibility of the home if I was tired, had to be away or was not feeling well. She married at 18, and has been married for almost 8 years, with three children. We noticed a lot of girls her age who thought she was being deprived of fun and parties and the free, single life of dating, did not fare so well in their lives. At a young age, many of them could not form good relationships, and already are sufferring from divorce.

One of the problems with dating is that it sets up a pattern of divorce. If you date someone for awhile, it should be for the purpose of marrying, however, most people don't date for that purpose. They just want to have fun. Then when they see something they like better, or if they have a little quarrel, they throw off that partner and find another one. The bonds that were formed are then severed, and there are a lot of hurt feelings on the path to finding the perfect mate. Most of the girls who thought we were crazy by protecting our daughter from dating, had difficulty being committed enough to marry, or finding someone committed enough to marry them. This is due to the dating mentality. Our son once wrote a tract about dating called, "Kissing, Hugging, and Dumping," because this is often what happens. Later, when some of these people get married, they have the same habits, which ultimately bring on marriage break up. If someone who has dated quite a lot, or has gone steady with someone, eventually marries, he faces the problem of the embarrassing contact with women he has dated before. Can you imagine walking arm in arm down the street with your husband or wife, and having to acknowledge and introduce a former boyfriend or girlfriend? Wouldn't it be better not to have "a past?"

When a girl has a settled way of life with her family at home, she will repel the guys who don't want the domestic type, and she will attract only the one who desires to settle down to the serious matter of marriage, home, and family. This kind of man may often have a strong bonding with his own parents, and want to reproduce that in his future life with his wife.

Some of the things my teen daughter did at home were routine. By this time, she had observed how the home operated for many years, and the routine was automatic to her. She often prepared meals because to her it was grown up and fun. She cleaned up the kitchen afterwards. She knew how to mop a floor, and straighten up a sitting room. She knew if this major work was done, she had time for even more exciting things like sewing, quilting, rubber stamping, letter writing, or hospitality. One of the highlights of her teen years was a type of cooking club that she formed. Once a month, she invited some girls to the house to cook and serve a meal to their parents. Each girl brought a recipe they had not ever tried before, and created a salad, a main dish, or a dessert. This helped them all learn more about cooking. These girls today still mention how helpful that was to them.

There were things she enjoyed besides homemaking that she did at home: she liked music a lot and after taking quite a few years of lessons, she set up her own studio in the home and taught piano to children. Stamps were just becoming available, so she made a greeting card business portfolio and took orders for cards. She also learned to quilt from books, and sold several quilts that she made.

One other thing that a daughter at home enjoys is planting a vegetable garden in the spring. Our daughter had a gardening diary, or notebook that you can buy, which had places to write the date certain things were planted, and were they were planted. It had a place where she could plan the garden. From a small raised bed, she grew an abundant amount of vegetables for the family.

Our family went into the Tea Party business, where we met many interesting people. One person we met was influential in the local newspaper, and asked our daughter to write a column for it each week, which she did via email, for several years.

Not all of her time was spent being productive. She had plenty of time to rest, and one of her favorite things to do was go retire early so she could read a good book. Her brothers used to complain, "I wish she had not found a book to read, because now I know she won't be playing with us for a long time!" When she lost herself in a book, the boys begged her to play with her. Growing tired of interruptions, she closed the door of her room. They then slipped notes under the door. When that didn't work, they went outside and tapped on her window. Eventually she had to give up and come out, lest the pestering continue.

I've met other daughters at home and not one of them regret being under their parents roof during those years. They slipped easily from their parents home to their husband's home, to continue and improve that way of life which they had enjoyed. These girls adjusted well to marriage, home and family.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Encouragement request

The lady I spoke of who has been married 34 years, who is being sued for divorce, really needs our encouragement, and so does her husband. She is trying to save the marriage. If anyone has anything to say that might help, please post it, either to husband and wife or both. I'll print it and give it to them. I've heard of a lot of marriages that have recovered from the threat of divorce, and I have hope that this one will.

Thanks so much,

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Refuting No-Fault Divorce

Before we move on to some more good homemaking articles, I'd like to take this opportunity to point out some very good information regarding the threat of no-fault divorce. Click on left "Why We Don't Marry Anymore" and the comments. The comment by AJ in particular would be a good thing to print out and distribute to friends, ministers, social workers, and anyone concerned with the family. It refutes the point that no-fault divorce was going to make things better for the family.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Oh The Things We May Do

This is addressed to single girls as well as new stay-at-homemakers. Sometimes it is difficult to understand what there is to do at home. A young man said to our family one day, "I don't understand what can take all day for a woman to do. When my wife has to be away or is sick, I take care of the house, and it takes just under an hour to do everything."

I laughed at this ignorant young man, because, although he got the mechanical things done--the laundry and cooking and sweeping, he missed a major part of the purpose of the home. It isn't just a hotel to provide food and bedding and a shower.There is so much more to it than that. Home is a place where memories are formed. It is a place where the mind is more fully developed.

It is a place where true rest and creativity can be achieved. Home is where real work takes place, where the heart is fully engaged in making it a wonderful place. Oh yes, there is much more to it that making a clean sweep of the place just before someone comes home, but there is a big difference in the atmosphere of a home where the homemaker has taken much, much time to put some thought into what she is doing, and one that has just been swept through.

Any one of us can rush through the house at 4 o'clock and get it cleaned up, and make it appear that we have been working all day, but really taking care of a home takes much, much more time than that. There is a lot of thought that has to be put into exactly where an item must be stored. Great contemplation goes into the placement of the furniture or even the selection of a good piece of furniture. Home isn't just any old place. Everything in it counts, and everything you do there, counts for the future, as well as the past.

When I was a young lady in my father's house, I noticed with longing that single girls would go to work, and after the day was over, suppose that they should just relax and go see a movie or go to a restaurant, even shopping. I thought they had a wonderful life! I was made to clean house, sew, write, paint, or cook.

My parents believed that we should be busy and not idle, so if we were not working at something, we had to be doing something creative and fun. We weren't allowed to go from house to house or be at someone elses home unless it was a particular invitation and there was a distinct purpose for being there. We could not sit around and stare into space or pick arguments with one another.

Our conversation had to be constructive. Our occupations had to be useful.Later on I learned that many single girls did not know what to do with their time, because they had not been taught to do very much, besides type. Their education limited them to one kind of work, and after work, they had no skills to do anything much, so they shopped or visited in other people's places of abode.

Many of these girls were not aware that there was so much to do, and so much to learn, during their leisure time.Below is is a list I have that helps you find your niche when you don't think there is anything to do:

Are you learning to sew?
Do you visit fabric stores and try to learn about different kinds of fabrics?
Are your clothes mended, and buttons replaced?
Have you taken a cooking course, or checked out a book or magazine about cooking?
Do you try new recipes?
Can you cook with raw foods, without the aid of mixes and prepared foods?
Do you know how to plan, prepare and serve a simple meal?
Have you written a letter recently?
Do you have more than one correspondent?
Do you make your own cards?
Have you taken an art or craft course from a craft store?
Are you developing a little knowledge from books and films so that you can participate in conversations dealing with various subjects?
Are you physically fit and healthy, or working on it?
Have you read any creative books in the last week?
Have you learned a new skill within the last month?
Is the area you reside in kept perfectly need and clean?
Are you trying to learn to be a good homemaker?
Are your pictures in order and put into albums?
Do you keep a scrapbook or journal?
Are you learning to live frugally so that you can save money??
Are you helping your parents in some way?Do you know how to talk to people in a way that will encourage them?
Could you take over the housekeeping in your mother's house?

This is by no means a complete list, nor is it meant to impose on young ladies a lot of "must-do's.." so don't get any ideas here that all of this is required. It is for the purpose of showing those who think there is nothing to do at home, that there is a lot ot do, as well as a great opportunity to learn.

Stitching the Standard by Edmund Blair Leighton, c. 1800

Why No One is Married

Why No One Is MarriedTexas no-fault divorce informationMarriage today is no more than "registered cohabitation" because no-fault divorce was misinterpreted as "no cause & no proof" divorce. If you can divorce without true cause--then you were not truly married in the first place.

You were merely cohabiting, as in ages past, regardless what name it's called.You could always walk away from a disagreeable cohabitation, but marriage was defined in its protection by law. You couldn't get out of a marriage just because you wanted out. You had to have true cause: abuse, adultery, abandonment, or the like.

And not only cause, but genuine proof of it.When the well-meaning no-faulters tried to take adversarialism out of the divorce process, to make it friendly, it failed. The door swung wide open to "no cause & no proof" divorce. Meanwhile, adversarialism went right back into the property and custody battles.

The old "fault" laws needed overhaul to bring spousal equality, and to make the system friendlier, but no-fault's "no cause & no proof" divorce, administered by warring lawyers, was the wrong implementation.The law should have required that spouses be taught how, and helped, to settle differences as co-equals, to deliberate justly and fairly, with self-control, while honoring their partner and the vows they made for a permanent union.

Beforehand, almost any man could rule his wife and settle disputes by physical force. But spousal equality demands at least a little education, a working knowledge of civilized diplomacy and reasoned compromise--for both genders.The no-fault laws did not train the partners to solve any problems. The laws simply--and grievously--empowered the courts to settle all their disputes for them, in one grand sweep, by divorce, no matter how whimsical or trivial the disagreement. No-fault did not elevate the status of wives as co-equal family managers. It lowered the status of both spouses, while it elevated the courts as the new, and not-so-charitable, family managers.

The no-fault divorce system, as implemented, funded divorce. It channeled money from troubled families to divorce lawyers, now at hourly rates in three digits, in exchange for dividing children and property. The court's officers were hired and paid to terminate marriages, not to save them.The no-fault legal system, as envisioned, was to be a family hospital, to comfort the hurting spouses and bandage the wounded marriages. Instead, it became a family morgue. It promised to give relief from the former hostilities of the "fault" legal system, but it became more hostile than ever.

Reconciliation dollars, facilities, and assistance were promised, but they never materialized. A generation and a half later, we know that the experiment did not work as planned.In truth, our no-fault laws, as implemented, abolished true marriage. After many years of no-fault, we no longer even respect the solemn covenants that partners make between themselves and God. Instead, we respect the solemn covenants that lawyers make between themselves and a judge.

Although cohabitation is handicapped in many ways, it unfortunately has one important advantage: ordinary cohabitation keeps government out of the home. In contrast, the registered cohabitation that we still call marriage invokes the jurisdiction of government officers. They receive authority to manage the lives of both spouses and their children with legal force.No wonder people cohabit. No wonder we have so many broken homes. Partners can walk away from the slightest inconvenience, at any time, with court assistance. They don't ever have to conciliate, or swallow their pride and say they are sorry, or try to please anyone but themselves.

When divorce was made into a guaranteed certainty, it became an easy way out of hard times.Partners knew they would no longer be pressed by embarrassing questions about covenants and faithfulness, as they moved on to their next cohabitation. Nor could they be stopped.The fundamental attribute, the unique defining characteristic, the earmark, that always distinguished true marriage from cohabitation, is legal security--protection by law--protection by divorce law.Today, that protection is gone. Genuine proof of true cause was always required for divorce, and anything else--but that--should have changed in an overhaul of divorce law.It is one thing to let spouses decide, without intrusion, for their own private reasons, whether to live together, or to live apart indefinitely.

But it is another thing altogether, for government not to question the cause, when government has already intervened, when government is asked to destroy a marriage, totally and permanently.The legal security of true marriage cannot be a chain. But neither can it be a thread. It must be a sturdy fabric, a flexible but tough canvas, to weather the gales of life.That's why true marriage is so secure and stable for mates.

When spouses cannot easily shake off their yoke, they soften it by mutual accommodation. In other words: spouses don't stay together because they get along; they get along because they stay together.And that's why true marriage is so secure and stable for children.True marriage is underwritten by law. Children can rest assured that no passing storm will carry either of their parents away.

They know that the whole force of government stands as a benevolent guard to protect their homes and both of their providers.We are not in the midst of a divorce crisis. It is a marriage crisis.No one is married, and no one can marry. The right to marry was taken away.The happy voices of the bride and the bridegroom are gone from our land.Copyright 2000Ed Truncellito, JDpursuejustice@lycos.com