Saturday, January 22, 2005

Do What God Says Do and Let Him Take Care of the Rest

The Bible references to women being guides of the home and guards of the home are:
First Timothy 5 verse 14,
Titus 2

The commandments for men to be providers for their familes are:
First Timothy chapter 5 verse 8,
Second Thessalonians chapter 3 verse 10

The roles of men and women were defined in Genesis, where man was commanded to work by the sweat of his face and a woman was to be a helpmeet to her husband and to bear children. This can be found by reading the first three chapters in Genesis.

The command for a woman to be the provider for her family cannot be found. It was given to the men. They were also to be the leaders in the church. The command for a man to guide the home or be a keeper at home, is also not found. The clear, distinct roles of men and women are shown in many examples throughout the Bible.

If you want to see the results of the role reversal that is going on today, read this article "Men Working," at http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/artman/publish/Responsible_Manhood_20/Men_Working_A_Tract_to_My_Fellow_Men_364100364.shtml

I've heard several times of women who read the Bible's command for women to be keepers at home, guard the home, guide the home, and be wives and mothers, come to a heartfelt conviction that they could no longer go to work with the rest of the pack every day. In spite of the fact that things didn't "add up" financially, these women made the commitment and stuck to it, and guess what happened? Somehow, someway, they survived, and they kept their children. What I mean by keeping their children, is that their family is loyal and their children are well adjusted, faithful church members and faithful to the teachings of their parents and the Bible. They aren't troubled people.

Let's have a look at the financial question that many women face when trying to quit work, or avoid going to work. My counsel has always been: "Do what God says do, and let Him take care of the rest." Adding up every expense and then concluding that you can't survive without the mother going to work, leaves God out of the picture. If He, in his wisdom, decides what is best for you, how can we say, "But Lord, we won't make the car payment or the house payment, or have food and clothes?" While it is good to plan, sometimes we are guilty of looking too far ahead and trying to solve everything ourselves and leave God's hand out of it.

I know several women who have taken this advice to do what God says do, and let the rest fall into place. Today, none of them are living under a bridge. In fact, if you were to interview any poor displaced woman living from a bag or living under a bridge, you would discover that she didn't get there because she was sincerely obeying the scripture to take care of things at home, or because she quit work in order to take care of her husband and home school her children.

Sometimes things don't add up on paper, but when you step out in faith, letting God provide, you'll find that things fall into place. Just do what He says do, and watch what happens. I know several families that have found that they are actually better off without the wife's salary. Children are less sick or troubled, which cost less money. Food is less processed, which promotes better health, which costs less money. Mother at home means less wear and tear on vehicles, and even the possiblility of having only one car and one repair expense. Believe it or not, you can live with one car, and I've done it for many years. I had grown so used to using my husband's car when he was not using it, that when I finally got another one for myself, it sat outside for days before I remembered I had one! I was waiting for him to get home so I could use his!

Being without a car means less expense for insurance, gas, repairs, parts, tires, and so forth, but it means also you'll accomplish more at home. The more you stay home, the less you'll spend and the more you find you can save, or discover more ways to make money.

But, back to the idea of leaping out on faith and staying home, even though it doesn't look like you'll "make it" financially. One of the keys to doing this is to be diligent once you are at home. You've got to run the place like you mean business. You can't go home just because you want to avoid responsibility. You've got to go home with a purpose: to make that place the best dwelling place you can imagine, for your husband and children. This is going to take some work, but it also brings a lot of pleasure, as your work will create beauty and order and a lovely atmosphere that makes all who enter say, "I LOVE coming here!" Once, after a day out doing essential shopping and errands with my children, we returned to our humble home out in a country area, and my youngest son kissed the floor. "I am so glad to be here!" he said. Instead of home being a source of stress, you will find out it is a place of comfort for everyone and they would rather be "in" than "out" of it.

There are some sacrifices you'll have to make, if you really are determined not to go to work. You may have to find a cheaper way to live, or you may have to figure out how to change your living situation. If you cancel subscriptions and newspapers, or cable television, you can avoid paying out several hundred dollars a year. All these things are pleasures but they aren't worth trading mother going back to work. There are sites all over the web that show women various hints on how they can come home, and "make it," but even without doing these things, I know without a doubt that it is possible for a woman to be in the role God wants her to be in, and survive, without losing everything. Even so, in my opinion, there is no posession worth keeping if a woman has to put her family in the care of others in order to go to work to save some object.

I know of women who work, put their children in daycare, and hire housekeepers to look after their homes. In just a few years I've seen the stress on these women age them to the point that they look older than I am, and I'm a grandmother. It isn't worth it. These women are not working so that their families will have good character or be better people; they are working to pay for something. Their wages are not high, and they are burning both ends of the candle.

The Bible clearly states that young women should marry, have children, and keep the house and home. Why would God tell us to do something and then make it impossible to do it? I've heard the argument that this sort of life worked "in Victorian times," but now it is not possible, because of the economy. The economy is a relative thing, and even a nebulous thing, because each person creates their own economy. Some people even prosper in hard economic times, because of their Biblical approach to economy. We must not be guided by the news reports about the economy. Your economy is your own, and it is up to you how you manage it. Sometimes you'll hear news reports that in order to survive, the average family must bring in a certain amount of income. If you pay any attention to that, you'll end up back at work. It isn't true that women could stay at home only in the past, but not these days. It used to be said that "two can live as cheaply as one," and it is still true, if the couple are sharing their posessions, rather than buying one thing for each person. The Bible principles worked, they say, in Victorian times, but they work today or in any age. They can be put into practice, no matter what the current economy is. If they worked in the past, they'll work for us, today.

If you really want to obey the Word, you've got to trust God to provide for you, but my motiviation for obeying the command to stay home, is so that I might help my family develop the character and obedience that will gain them the heavenly reward, and that I myself will be in compliance with God's will. To complain that I do not have this or that, or have very little or no money, is to question His provision for me.

You may be thinking about quitting work, and trying to add up your household profit and loss sheet, but I'll tell you right now that it won't add up. If you are waiting for it to balance out, you'll never go home. Just go home and see if He will not open up the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing that cannot be contained. Do not go into homemaking expecting God to "pull his share of the load," however, but do it because it is the right thing to do. Forget about the rewards right now, and just do the right thing.

See also Titus 2

Organizing For Success

If you find yourself getting up in the morning and dreading the work ahead of you at home, or hating your house, you probably lack the benefit of organization. Just close your eyes for a minute and imagine what would make you want to get up and face the day with pleasure. When I do this, I see clean, shiny surfaces in the kitchen, uncluttered floors, and a sparkling, nice smelling bathroom.

If I were to escape the clutter, I would go to a shopping place where everything is cleaned up and in order, or a hotel where the beds are made and the tables are clean except for meals, or the house of a friend who seems to have everything picked up and put away. After thinking about this, I can more easily identify the problems of disorganization that are keeping me from enjoying my home.

Accumulated work, such as piles of clean laundry not folded or put away (or worse, laundry not even washed yet), dirty cookware and dinnerware strewn from one end of the kitchen to the other, bedrooms with clothes and piles of blankets and other clutter, and a living room full of things that don't belong in there, put a tremendous amount of stress on me. Chaos may not bother some people (or at least, it appears not to), but it makes me feel stressed and depressed.

About twenty years ago I was reading about this new phenomenon in women called "chronic depression." The author was using a type of therapy that, although very ancient, was new to that generation of people. She suggested that you clean one thing. Just one thing. Organize a kitchen shelf or cabinet, or wipe the sink in the bathroom. Afterwards, if you still feel discouraged and depressed, clean the floor. Admittedly, most people who are feeling depressed, aren't going to have the gumption to get up and move around, but her point was that the hands engage the mind and change the chemistry of the brain in some way, when a person is organizing. I tried this, and it worked. It helps if you have someone who cares about you to dig in with you and coach you along.

The phone is my best tool in this kind of circumstance. Clutter makes me panic to the point that I don't want to face it, so I call my daughter, or she calls me. Sometimes she is facing a huge task and just wants some inspiration. While I'm talking to her, she moves about and washes the dishes and cleans off the surface in the kitchen, or starts doing the laundry. What we talk about would fill volumes. I sometimes wish we had recordings of these talks, because there are so many ideas about the home and family that we discover and pass on to one another. We would call them "Kitchen Tapes" or "Laundry Tapes."

When you get way beyond your own capability to cope with the clutter, you are just going to have to take some time out to get back into shape. You might have to have a few meals out, or bring in some prepared food, so that you won't have to stop and spend a lot of time in the kitchen. In my case, on "kitchen day," the cleaning and organizing and de-cluttering left no room to cook.

I've been spending about a year getting organized. During this time, I've seen something about myself that I need to be aware of: sloth comes gradually. The house doesn't get stuffed to the gills in one day. The closets, shelves, and spaces gradually accumulate things. It comes from putting something in them and not dealing with it at the moment. You think, "I don't know whether I want that or not, but I'll keep it for now." The "I'll keep it for now" things can add up, until you have to take full days off from normal work, and deal with them. Once you dig yourself out of this accumulated clutter, it is best not to bring it in again, or, think carefully about where it is going to be put and what it will replace. If something comes into the house, something else must go, unless you have gotten down to bare essentials and really need to build up your supplies again.

These accumulations cost time and money. If you keep just one thing a month that you don't use or need anymore, in a year you'll have 12 things to put somewhere. Modern homes do not have the attics and the storage areas to accomodate this. In 3 years, you've got 36 extra things. It could be a seasonal decorating collection, for example. I've had to go through these things because they lose their appeal and freshness sometimes, and no long interest me when it is time to get them out again. While I may keep one or two items with sentimental value that I will use, I want to be free to make something new or buy something that I like, and not add to the heap. Time has to be taken to keep it in order, dig around it when you are looking for something else, or re-fold and re-sort it to keep it out of the way. It costs money in the sense that if you can't find it or it is too hard to access, you will end up going to buy another one.

In five years, a collection will amount to 60 items. In ten years there will be an accumulation of 120 items. Whether these are clothes, dinnerware items, decorating things, sewing supplies, pieces of furniture, accents for the home, or tools, they've all got to find a place to stay. If you inherit your parents' household items, you will have double the problem if you bring it into your house. Biblically and traditionally, the parents things go to the grandchildren rather than the children. Your things go to your grandchildren, and on down the line. So, while you may keep one or two items in memory of your parents, pass the other things on to the children, if they will appreciate them.

Having too many things means you'll always be moving them or cleaning them or trying to manuever around them. One of the tricks of getting an organized, streamlined home, is to remember the early settlers, who just had what they needed, and took care of with pride. The less you have to take care of, the more of your time is freed up to do things with others. If you are like me, being disorganized can keep you from showing hospitality or writing a letter or sewing a little blanket for someone, or even sewing your own clothes. My goal is to get the house so easy to clean that it doesn't fall apart at one end while I'm cleaning the other. The secret is to reduce the amount of things you have to clean and organize.

After you've spent several months going through everything room by room, observe how your day goes and watch what you have to pick up and move or clean. Then go through the house again and get rid of even more. Things that accumulate dust will have to be dusted, and that takes time. It is fine to do this if you've got help, but if your children are really small or grown and gone, you'll have more responsibility if you've got extra things to polish, dust, wash, and so forth.

Being de-cluttered is so freeing. It clears your mind and lifts a burden from you. If you've ever heard someone say they are depressed, inquire into their home life and see how organized they are. When my daughter was a teenager, she and I used to go and help young mothers who were discouraged and depressed. We began by bringing them an afternoon tea in a basket and serving it, and then we set about to straighen and clean their front room, or the room that people first see when they enter. We even arranged wall hangings and things in a pleasing way. Then we did the kitchen/dining area. The rest was up to her, but we gave her a lift, and a jumpstart so that she knew where to start.

I'll never forget one young woman we visited who had such a messy house that she wouldn't let anyone in the door. She had a tiny place to live, and was hoping for something bigger someday, and had allowed herself to lose interest in it. When we got finished cleaning and organizing, she not only wanted to stay there, she recognized what a valuable piece of real estate it was.

Friday, January 07, 2005

Headache Prevention and Relief

If you have reached a "certain age" you may find a monthly headache replacing your old cycle. Your body is changing and as a result you can get sinus headaches or other kinds of headaches. You might find that tablets and pills and chemical remedies have side effects that you don't like, or maybe your body doesn't respond to them anymore. Here are some great tips, some which I learned from a doctor.

To prevent headaches:

1. Watch your posture. There is a tendency to slump a little when you get older, and this pinches the nerves and can bring on a headache.

2. Get adequate sleep, but get up at the same time each morning. If you "sleep in" you might noticed that you will wake up with a headache. This is a type of "withdrawal" from the things you are used to when you get up--the food you eat, the things you drink, the activities, and other things your body gets accustomed to.


3.Find some kind of strenuous work to do outside every day, and work up to a fast pace. I don't like formal exercise, but I find more motivation in working up a sweat while doing something quite useful that needs to be done.

4. Breathe deeply and let your breath out slowly. If you get a headache, try breathing as deeply as you can and puffing out your breath. This sometimes relieves the pain of a sinus headache.

5. Peppermint oil with rubbing alcohol applied to the forehead and temples, can relieve a headache. Massage the area with just a drop of this 3 times a day. Breathing some eucalyptus oil, or putting some in a vaporizor, can help.

6. Trying dropping refined sugar and all artifical foods from your diet for a month. This may help decrease the amount of headaches you get.

7.Put a cold cloth at the base of your skull, and put your feet in warm water. Sometimes "headache" people suffer from cold feet and hands. Massage also helps a headache.

8. You can purchase a "headache Tea" made from things like valerian, chamomile, mint, and black cohash, or you can just take the tablets.

9. Increase your consumption od magnesium and calcium. Foods that contain these are
Apricots


Blackberries
Curry powder
Dates
Figs
Garlic cloves
Malt extract, dried
Molasses, blackstrap
Okra
Peaches
Prunes
Raisins, seedless
Beet greens, common, raw
Brussels sprouts, raw
Chard, Swiss, raw
Kale, raw, leaves without midribs
Kohlrabi, raw
Parsley, raw
Spinach, raw
Turnip green
Apples, raw
Apricots, raw
Blueberries, raw
Cranberries
Grapes
Lamb
Almonds
Beans
Brazil nuts:
Cashew nuts
Cornmeal
Filberts (hazelnuts):
Hickory nuts:
Lentils, mature seeds, dry
Millet, proso, whole grain
Peanut butter
Peanuts
Peas Pecans:
Pistachio nuts:
Rice, brown, raw
Sesame seeds, whole, raw
Walnuts
Wild rice

There are enough foods here to pick what you like.


10.Drink water. You can sometimes "drink away" a headache. To make it easier, just fill up some little dixie cups with the water. If you get a headache or sinus, put 6 little cups full on the edge of the tub. Fill the tub with hot water and a few drops of eucalyptus bath oil. As you relax, drink all those cups of water.

At the first sign of a headache, take a hot bath, keep your feet warm with plenty of warm socks, cover up well, and lay down, maybe with the head elevated. Do whatever gives the most comfort. I personally find it better to go to bed and sleep off a headache, then to try to keep moving and get something done. The jobs take longer and the headache lasts longer when I insist on being up. Howeverk, sometimes a headache will go away with the breathing and posture exercise.

Monday, January 03, 2005

Illustrated Lessons

There is an old illustration that has been told over and over throughout the years about a father who went to the preacher to ask for help with his children. "My son doesn't care about life, and he attends church reluctantly. He doesn't understand Christian living." he said, "And my daughter has no sense of values and just wants to waste her time with worthless things." "I am disappointed that they do not live up to their full potential, even though they are in their teens now. I want something better for them than the mediocre lives they live. Will you go and talk to them?" he asked.

The preacher asked the distraught man to sit down and make a list of all his hope and dreams for his children. He was told to list any character qualities, such as patience, goodness, courage, and so forth, and anything involving the development and use of their talents and natural abilities in art, music, and creativity. He told him to write down the things he hoped his children would accomplish in their lives.

When he had finished he handed the list to the preacher. Hopefully, he asked, "Now, will you talk to them?"

"Yes, I will talk to them," said the preacher, "But first, I want you to do something for them." Eagerly, the father said, "Just tell me what you want me to do! I'll do anything to save my children!"

"Then take this list, and do not come back to see me until you have completed every thing on it yourself."

Sadly, the man went away, but in a few years, he came back and said, "That was the best advice you ever gave me. Not only did it lift me up from my immediate despair, but in developing my full talents and living the life I wanted my children to live, I was able to inspire them to do the same thing. My son and daughter are not just 'doing well,' but rising far above me in godly character, enthusiasm for what God is doing in their lives, development of talents, and service to others. Not only that, but they prefer my company, and I prefer theirs."

Folks, I have to tell you that this story has impressed me so much over the years, that whenever I get a little worried about the way other people are behaving, I immediately remember the preacher's advice, and start demonstrating the principles in my life that I want others to live by.

We live in troubled times, as we can see and hear, daily, but there is no sense in wishing you were born in a more genteel era or a time when society was more family oriented. The fact is, you are here in this century, and you are placed here at this time for a reason. If you are depressed by the way women are dressing these days, then dress differently yourself. If you feel society lacks real vitality and life and wish there was something wholesome to attend, why not create something yourself. Many concerts, fashion shows, book clubs, sewing and craft circles, begin with one person in her own home and grow to have many chapters throughout the area.

Whatever you want others to be, be that yourself, first. Lead the way and many will follow. This is because enthusiasm and goodness catch on.

If you have ever been frustrated as a mother, at the way the children neglect the cleaning of their rooms, or the way they ignore the condition of the home, and you've instructed, nagged, and talked until you are a nervous wreck, try this preacher's advice. You'll notice that when you get in the mood to clean up your bedroom, and declare that you aren't going anywhere or doing anything until that room is clean, you'll find the activity and enthusiasm is contagious. When I stopped reminding my children over and over to clean up their rooms, and began to show the example myself, I found that they "caught" these good habits.

You know, yourself, that when someone starts something, other people can naturally begin to immitate it, almost unconsciously. If you have young children, remember that good habits are caught, as well as taught. If you'll expose them to good works and good habits, you'll find that it will become automatic with them later.

To this day, when I become a little anxious about the direction the lives of the people in my family are going, or the direction society is going, I look inward and find ways to start the things that I want others to do. Are you lonely and need more hospitality? Show more yourself. Would you like something special to happen? Do it yourself. Do you wish someone would write you a letter? Write one yourself. Is your friend or neighbor a discontented, complaining homemaker? Start living the way you wish she would live. Now, don't do this just to get someone to change. Just do it because you ought to do it. Don't write a letter just hoping for something in return. The reward is in doing it.

Someone once asked me if this practice of doing what you wish others in society would do, was some sort of distraction from feeling bad about the way things are. No, it isn't. The idea is to show an example, and it will rub off on others. People can't say "no" to success. There have been many things that are very successful these days, which were begun by one woman in her neighborhood. Anything that is good, will always multiply in some way.

So if you want some spiritual quality for someone, or some good work done, then try doing it yourself.

Here is a poem by Helen Steiner Rice which illustrates some of this principle:

The more you give, the more you get--
The more you laugh, the less you fret--
The more you do unselfishly,
The more you live abundantly...
The more of everything you share,
The more you'll always have to spare--
The more you love, the more you'll find
That life is good and friends are kind...
For only what we give away
Enriches us from day to day.

(poem:"Give Lavishly! Live Abundantly!")

While we do have great expectations of the church members, our friends, our spouses, our children, our parents and others, we can sometimes grow disappointed and discouraged at their failures or lack of achievement. Living, dressing, and behaving the way you "wish" things would be in life, helps get that trend going!

Modernism/Liberalism

You might wonder why I occasionally include something to do with the media, politics, or popular beliefs, when addressing the subject of homemaking. It is unfortunate that the homemaker can't be left in peace by these influential powers. As I see more and more influence being exerted on to the role of the homemaker from the modernist or liberal forces, I find it necessary to address them. When I say "modernist" I am not referring to these current times, as much as I am to a set of beliefs called "Modernism" which had its beginnings in the late 1800's and dominated the thinking of 20th century citizens.

Modernism, as a religion, is the same as Liberalism, and it is the belief that the Bible is too archaic to address the problems of modern man. Therefore, they say, man must be ruled by his own reasoning to find truth. The problem with this, is that once people reject the wisdom and example of the Bible in order to live right, and determine their own destiny by their own reasoning, they are ultimately going to be ruled by something else. While they imagine they are ruling themselves, if they reject the ultimate ruler, God himself, through his will, the Bible, they will become slaves to other rulers. Groups like the media, friends, false religions and government, will soon have people in their grasp. When people do not live by these eternal laws laid forth in the scriptures, they look like they are "up for grabs" and some other influence will snatch them away. We find people everywhere believing all the things that the news media spreads, and living accordingly.

For example, in the 70's the news media made several broadcasts reporting the state of the income of the average family, claiming that women no longer had the luxury of staying home and taking care of the family. They reasoned that the cost of living--the cost of the house, plus the automobile, and other things--was too high for a one income family, and that the women would have to go to work if the family was going to "make it." Many men came home to their wives after listening to such broadcasts on their way from work, and reported the "crisis" to them, putting pressure on them to find work or a second income source. Even our own mothers and grandmothers seemed to have no good way to refute this.

When the word "finance" or "income" comes into a report, it sounds very "official" and believable. Many women never stopped to think how their parents and grandparents "made it" on one income, and even a small income at that. They assumed it simply was not possible anymore because after all, times have changed. Their parents didn't have loans, mortgages, student loans or car payments. They reasoned that it was "impossible" to get a car or a house without getting into debt and having to make high monthly payments.

Fearing they would not have the security of a house, furnishings, clothing, and cars, many women went to work. In the end, the nation lost something very precious: the solid families, loyal to each other and to their country, that so characterised our nation in the past. Certainly you'll see many new houses with fine cars parked in front of them, but at what prices? And what price would you pay to have these things? Would you leave the children in the care of others in order to go to work to pay for these things? What would you trade your family for? Time spent away from them is time wasted. You can never bring back the childhoods that are so fleeting and fragile.

We are innundated with magazines showing the "ideal home" and kept quite anxious and discontent trying to keep up with a current trend. Instead of being concerned about making the home a safe haven away from the influence of the world, where all members have the same goal of pleasing God and doing good, families sometimes make materialistic priorities in the home. The perfect furniture and the new rug will not make a solid, God-fearing family. The only thing that will accomplish this, is the family spending much, much time together in the home, learning good values.

Over the years, our family has kept track of some of the families that used to question our sanity when it came to church, home schooling, mother at home, and so forth. Every single one of them who thought we had just gotten "too extreme" has sufferred terrible results in their families. Divorce, troubled adult children, adult children in prison and other state correction facilities, and many other sad experiences have befallen these people. When people reject the old, tried and true ways of family life, the world senses that they are floating without an anchor, and offers them all kinds of substitutes that seem bright and pleasant, but in the end are the wrong paths.

We've seen several families who thought having something was the best route to go, and that both parents working outside the home would be a way to teach their children the value of work. These children were "put out to pasture," a common expresson in the south, as they spent many hours away from their parents. Hard work doesn't necessarily mean working away from home for an employer and a paycheck. Children whose parents both work will not necessarily pick up the habit of hard work. It is a lesson that must be taught by example in the home, hour by hour and day by day. The mother is an essential and irreplaceable factor in this equation.

If you are working, let me suggest that you trust that God would not have told women to "guide the home" and at the same time making it impossible to do. The Bible is a guide for any era. It works now, just as it did in the past. Modernists claim that that "system" of mother being the guard of the home no longer "works," but there is an old saying worth memorizing: If you will work the Plan, the Plan will work. This naturally involves faith and trust, but any plan involves faith and trust. We can either trust in man's plan (modernism/liberalism) or go back to God's tried and true plan. Look at the results of both lifestyles and compare them. Look at the marriages, and the lives of the children. There you'll find your answers as to which plan works and which does not.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

For Newcomers - Just a Reminder

Swedish Woman Writing With a Quill Pen
by A. Jernberg (1826-1894)




If you are not a homemaker and have no children or have not married, I would like you to know that just because I am married, am a mother and grandmother and am a full time homemaker, it does not mean that I do not approve of you because you are not.

If you have never had children, it does not mean that because I've had children that I do not like you. If you have not married it does not mean that because I am married I do not approve of or like anyone who is not.

If you like dogs in the house it does not mean that because I do not like a dog inside the house that I do not like you or your dog. If you do not enjoy glitter, it does not mean that I look down on you because I like glitter and glitz. If you don't like to wear dresses, it does not automatically mean that I dislike anyone because I like skirts and dresses and they do not.

If you like to shave your head and put posts in your skin, it does not automatically follow that I do not like you because I do not have posts or metal in my skin. Because I have not shaved my head does not mean I have condemned you for shaving yours. Because I cook some meals does not mean that I don't approve of you because you do not cook.

I hope by these ridiculous comparisons you can see my point. If you got on a blog where some woman was making cloth dolls, would you flame her and say that she was condemning everyone that did not make and sell dolls? Would you say she was putting you down because she did not give an alternative to making dolls? You would expect a doll making site to be about making dolls, wouldn't you? Would you complain that she didn't fairly offer alternatives to doll making, or allow other opinions? Would you flame someone who wanted to make her own bread instead of buying it, just because you do not make your own bread?

These are just a few points I'd like to bring out, especially for the very young, single women who have never had children, never run a home, and have not had the experience of a long marriage. This blog provides ideas to make being a wife, mother and homemaker the best it can possibly be. It does not have alternatives. I do not promise to give fair treatment to those who do not wish to be home, who are not wanting to marry, do not want to honor their husbands, and who do not want to keep house. It addresses those who really want to do it.

Take a break from this article and go here http://coffeecatholic.blogspot.com/2008/05/manipulating-others-using-hurt-feelings.html to see how one woman in the UK is handling the argumentive naysayers on her blog. They have the same "you are offending me" attitudes that the flamers on my blog have, and I think her post has exposed them. Also, look at the articles on her blog, here http://coffeecatholic.blogspot.com/.

A new way of thinking amongst many people is that if someone is doing very well, they are doing it at the expense of someone else. If someone is doing something successfully or has developed a nice skill, they are somehow condemning and judging everyone else. If someone has a successful marriage and family life they are being hateful toward those who does not. This is the kind of attitude that Marxists (see the Marxism/Feminism connection on Rob Fedder's blog "No Ma'am, and Vox Day's blog) depend on in order to create strife so that people will riot when they blow their bugle.

The "its not fair" mentality seems to be the pervading theme in the minds of many students, who are people you would think of as being open to new ideas and eager learners of truth outside of the things dictated to them through textbooks. Unfortunately, from my mail, it is apparent that many students think everyone that is doing something they are not doing is somehow putting them down. I do not know where this mentality comes from, unless it is a result of extreme isolation from the real world of marriage, home and family.

Some of the critics of this blog have a hatred for the past, particularly the Victorian era. One book they need to read to clear their minds is "Simple Social Graces" by Linda Lichter. I have explained how this book can clear up some of the myths about that era (i.e. that because most women preferred to be wives, mothers and homemakers, that they were not fulfilled, or that they were unhappy, repressed, downtrodden, poor, hated, beaten and starved, etc.)

This book shows how the 1920's generation rebelled against their authorities and brought down the niceties of the civilized era that they lived in. It shows how rumors were created about the past to prevent people from going back to the good ways, and to usher in the new ways. Many of these myths keep young women from following their natural desires to be wives, mothers and homemakers. This book needs to be added to their personal curriculum of voluntary learning.

I have said all that to counter-act the amount of frivolous mail I get saying that I am prejudiced against women who work, women who send their children outside the home for education, and women who do not do their own housework. If you are working outside the home, does that mean you hate all homemakers? If you are sending your children to government schools, does that mean you hate homeschool families? If you do not attend worship services does that mean you hate those who do? I doubt it!

Now and then there is a totally silly comment that people here are acting like they are above everyone else. I assure you that homemakers are a very private group that do not have time to meddle in other people's lives and do not have time to organize other people's homes. Mostly, their blogs are sharing what can be done at home that lift up the family and give a positive view of home keeping.

I read in the news in the UK about a woman who merely had a blog about baking and knitting. Immature women flamed her constantly, posting rude comments on her blog, even though all she was doing was making her life better at home. She later wrote a book and was trashed continually in the news. This comes from envy, and I've said before, envy is immature.

If you cannot see what advantages you have in life, and indeed, blessings you have that others do not, you will never be happy. I watch some of the students blogs, particularly girls. They spend their spare time trashing other people and satirizing homemakers articles about cooking, cleaning, decorating and sewing. After some observation over a couple of years time, I noticed that about every five posts comes one where the blogger will tell how low they feel; how depressed they are; how they hope they do not end up in a mental facility. All this negative attitude eventually adds up to depression. Many of them deny the existence of God and mock the name of Christ all week. They sometimes become very, very ill later on.

You cannot put envious, mocking thoughts in your head constantly and hope to have a happy outlook on life. If young students spend the week days vilifying whatever is good and pure and lovely, it is no wonder that the thoughts will eventually pressurize their heads so much that they will be driven to drink all week end. I wrote several articles which have not been labeled yet, about how we have to be as careful what we say and think as we do putting pure food into our bodies. If a person feeds his body junk food all week, it will not be surprising that he feel sick on the week end. After a week of crude remarks and rude come-backs, these girls will naturally be so sick of life they will sink into depression, which always follows.

If girls engage in jealous mockery, and put their nose in the air in a superior attitude towards the natural, God-given roles of women, all week, they should know that it will come back on their heads by the end of the week. They will feel down. They will not feel life has worth. They will feel though they are put down by others, but it is they who put themselves down, and they alone.

There are always those who believe they know what is best for women. We have seen it in all generations, from Margaret Sanger and Margaret Meade, to Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem, women who wrote books that pretended to elevate women, erstwhile, bringing them down from the glory of the home where they could truly be the queen of their castles and shine out to the world.

The only reliable, never changing principles for women to follow are found in the Bible. They begin in the Garden of Eden where Eve was given the job of being a help meet to her husband. Throughout the Old Testament we see women who desired to have husbands and children so much that they cried out to God. It was the most important thing to them. They could have been out in the field driving cattle or fixing wagon wheels, and perhaps some of them did, but that does not mean that they did not find the office of home-keeper the highest a woman could achieve.

In the New Testament, the book of First Timothy 5:15 shows that women should marry, bear children and keep house, so that the adversary could not find fault. Throughout the Bible we see that God had ordered the man, beginning from Adam, to toil to provide bread for his family. The New Testament specifically states: 1Ti 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. The words "his" and "he" indicate that it is the man of the house that is to be the provider. That does not mean that women can never earn money or provide, but that it is the job specifically given to the man.

When we send our children to others to be educated day in and day out, role reversals should be no surprise. They have special classes to help the children understand that there are no differences between the roles of men and women, and that the home is an archaic, outdated institution that must be replaced by the state. I will post quotes from socialists/communists/Marxists that prove this agenda on their part. Their last stronghold is the home and the church and if they can institutionalize everyone and put every bit of knowledge and every relationship in an institution fostered by the state, they will have achieved their goal.

What this blog is all about is to say you do not have to wait until all your friends have jumped on the bandwagon and gone home to raise their families. You do not have to wait until some government statistic says families can now live on the husband's income. You do not have to wait to do what is right and what is best for your children. You do not have to wait until homeschooling is popular and approved. You can take hold of the Bible now and do what God says do and go back to the old paths, where the good walk is, and where you will find peace. Following what the government media and the society says and does will bring constant upheaval, as they change their rules so often. One week the world is going to starve, and another week there are not enough children being born. Another week, according to the media, the children are not skilled enough in math, and another week they are all in danger of getting the bird flu. If you follow the status-quo you will get only misery and turmoil. The only thing that brings stability is the word of God, which truly liberates women to be home guiding the house with all her creativity and intelligence. Christ freed her long before women's lib enslaved her.

If you come here and you think you are being condemned, think again. If you decided to be a homemaker, you would find yourself being accused of being an elitist, conceited upper classed woman with no brains. Yet I doubt any successful home can be run by a stupid woman who smokes and drinks and parties all the time. Take a good look at yourself and ask how you are preparing for the future of having children? All the drugs and drinking and late nights will effect your ability to have children. Also, those who do have children may have problems emotionally bonding with them, if they have had substances in their youth. It takes a long, long time to get it out of your system.

Home life will be difficult to understand and adjust to if you as a young girl are used to living to please yourself. If you drink when you want to drink, partner with anyone you want anytime you want, and take pills when you feel down, you will not be able to face the challenges of the home. Taking care of a husband or children takes a great deal of sacrifice. It means putting away your own selfish desires and doing what is best for others in your care. It means, in a sense, being the hero of the home. It means helping others in their destiny in life.

The student life does not adequately prepare women for marriage and family. It does not tell them how to prevent divorce and how to teach their own children. It does not teach them how to stay out of debt and built personal wealth within their own family. It does not tell them how to stay mentally balanced. The lifestyle that students are compelled to live and the living conditions are totally opposite to family life.

I would like to share something about the boys some of you young students are hanging around. You have a great power to influence these young men, if you would recognize and use that power. Instead of sinking to their level of crudeness, rise above it and inspire them to do so. In general, young men who drink and carouse around and party and go from girl to girl will not be good husbands and fathers and providers. If they are not responsible now, they will not be responsible later. Don't expect to meet a guy at a drug or drinking party and take him home and live happily ever after. You cannot make a purse out of a sow's ear. You cannot build a house out of rotten wood.

Many of the young men you look down your nose at because they are laborers or construction works, are more stable and more protective than the weak-willy-nilly men who do not want to exert themselves and make a home for you. If a man does not want to marry you and buy you a washer and a dryer and provide for you, do not flirt with him, date him, or live with him. If you meet a party guy, do not complain that he is irresponsible when you marry him. If you are a student, you should use some of that intellectual ability to discern between good guys and bad guys and save yourself a lot of grief.

A good man will not want to marry a party girl who does not have a purpose in life, so you will have to clean up your own act, as well. It might be fun to be carefree now, but one day you will desire a stable home and family. He that sows to the wind will reap the whirlwind.

This blog shares many people's experience of returning to the old paths, where the good walk is (Jeremiah 6:16) and their successes in the home. That is what it is for. It is not for the purpose of arguing. It is not for the purpose of condemning you if you are not doing this. But, if you want to do it, it is here with a lot of information, some of which might be something you are looking for.

The world needs more homemakers. Expensive homes are empty all day. The world needs more hospitality. In spite of women working outside the home, they suffer more loneliness and more doubts about their validity in their roles. The world needs more mothers at home. There are too many children with their faces pressed against the windows of the day cares they are left in, crying for their mothers to come and get them.

The world needs more older women teaching younger women how to love their husbands. In spite of the amount of dating and pairing up going on, there are too many divorces. Divorce used to be only in very extreme and rare cases. Now couples do not want to endure the difficulties, most of which could be overcome and make them stronger because of it. The world needs more women following the Biblical plan for women to be wives, mothers, homemakers. Titus 2 explains the role of older women and the task of younger women, perfectly.

The world does not need more women in the military, it needs more women at home. The world does not need more women in Universities. They have equalized the men now, so what else is there to prove? The world needs these young women helping young men to be good fathers and husbands, by being good homemakers and being serious about life. One of the best books I read when I was a girl was "Fascinating Womanhood" by Helen Andelin. The women's liberation had run roughshod over women, leading them to believe there was something better than marriage, home and family. Helen did her best to refute that, and although today young girls mock and sneer at the principles that she taught, (good character, house keeping, feminine appearance and attitudes, role distinctions, etc) the teachings have survived. This not because she invented them, but because she used the time-worn teachings that were handed down to us from the scriptures and from generations of women before us. Another book that was prominent at that time was called "She Hath Done What She Could," by Jane McWhorter. In this book she outlined all the responsibilities of women: care of children, care of husband, church responsibilities, helping the poor, teaching the lost, and much more. Lottie Beth Hobbs wrote, "Daughters of Eve," in which she described the attributes of the women mentioned in the Bible, and how they did God's will in the world. Some of these books are available still. Today there are a host of books available to help young women understand the importance of guiding and guarding their own homes: The Spirit of Loveliness by Emilie Barnes Creating a Sensational Home by Terri Willits Home Comforts by Cheryl Mendollsen Treasury of Homekeeping Skills Hopechest Legacy, and many more, too numerous to mention here.

If you are a young women who is not yet an experienced wife, mother and homemaker, it is important to educate yourself in these things before you can understand what we are talking about. I would not think of getting on your blogs and condemning you or accusing you of something. Occasionally I post an article on the dangers of feminism, but for the most part I like to show the joy of homemaking. I hope you will be blessed by it and not feel that anyone is putting you down. That is not my purpose at all. Most people become upset when they read something that they have a problem with. The things that we react to the most are usually the failings that we have.

I hope this explanation has been enlightening, and you will gain further understanding about my rules for posting. Though flexible, I follow the main principle that they should be for the purpose of uplifting the homemaker and reinforcing the homeschooler and the daughter at home. They should be helpful and not calculated to insult those who want to be home and do the right thing. They should not in any way demean the homemaker or the wife and mother, or the Biblical purpose for home.

Sometimes a post will not be published because it leads to a blog that will be a bad influence on someone, or because the blog endorses things that are not holy. Sometimes a post will not be published even if there is nothing wrong with it, because it will invite objections and quarrels, which take up too much time to delete or post. If you can post in such a way as to not come across as attacking or creating any kind of strife, you are more likely to be published. You always have the option of emailing me. You should know when you come here that you are entering a biased area. Everyone is biased about one thing or another. We have no trouble being biased when it comes to the food we like or dislike, or the colors we like to wear or decorate with it. We have no problem with being biased about the people we prefer to be with and those we do not. So, it cannot be that hard to understand that this blog is biased in favor of homemaking, wives, mothers, daughters, families and churches of Christ. This blog will be biased because I am pro-homemaker and pro-home education and pro-private enterprise and pro-family business and pro-men as providers and protectors. When you enter here, at least you should expect me to be biased.

This blog is being posted from the private and beautiful sanctuary of my home, where we are trying to bless one another with encouraging words and good works. Sometimes there are children standing over my shoulder when I read your comments. Therefore, when you, as a young person enter my home, you have to be on your best behavior. You cannot come here and say whatever you like without regard to the impression you will make in my home. If you do not behave yourself, you will not be allowed back, any more than I would invite a rude guest back to my house after they had eaten my well prepared, free dinner all the while hurtling insults at me and my family.

I would not dream of going to your house and deliberately trashing it and then demand to be accepted again. In this world, we are accustomed to being free to do what we want without restraint, but one day you will find that it is nothing but a fantasy world. The real world, that is, our homes and our families and our home education, our decorating, our cooking, our house keeping, our sewing, etc., is controlled by restraint. Taking captive every thought and not letting every single feeling depress others, is part of the way we conduct our home life.

The blog is not for teenagers and students who just want to express themselves. We have no "rights" in the real world of free speech. Freedom is not the right to do and say as we feel all the time, but the responsibility to do our duty. You may comment if the comments will not stir up trouble, and you must learn to be careful not to create comments that will cause arguments. It will be a great exercise in human relations and a good lesson in communication. Finally, no blogger is obligated to allow posts at all, and no one has a "right" to post or a right of free speech unless it is refined. Many girls who are used to having blogs of their own will come aboard and expect to post in the same manner in which they are accustomed. They want to post smart mouthed replies, innuendos and contradictions disguised in clever speech. That doesn't work here. If you want your post published, you cannot write anything that mocks or derides the beauty of the home and the family. Your comment has to be clear. You have to write in a classical way that will not shut out other generations.

You have to write in a way that is not condemning. You cannot start out calling me a hypocrite. You have to have a foundation, even a historical one, for your points, and you cannot just come here and jump around, madly shrieking and casting dust into the air, crying about your your rights. If you want to be read, you have to write legibly and use a little punctuation. I'm not claiming to be the best at grammar or spelling or punctuation, but I do not type with one hand unless I am holding a baby in the other. If I get 12 letters full of this feminist nonsense that has no shred of intelligence, I will condense them into one comment for time and space sake.

A lot of times you girls are just spouting off things you have been indoctrinated with all of your life through friends and media and institutions around you. You have to look at real life sometimes and see how it is working. A lot of people are book smart but not people smart. They have never spent time at home raising children, teaching them, relating to a husband, making a marriage successful, keeping out of debt, and yet they want to tell homemakers, working within the freedom of their own homes and families, that they are brainless. I assure you that brainless people do not teach their own children at home, nor help their husbands be successful in their own businesses, or are alert to needs and emergencies without having to listen to a bell. There is a greater force in homemaking because it is motivated by love, not by social pressure or education. There is more knowledge in homemaking not because it was studied, but because it was practiced.

Take a little time and think about what you are writing. In years to come when you have had some experience in the real world, you may change your mind about a lot of things. Do you want to look back with shame on words you posted that you cannot take back? .Imagine that you get only so many words in a lifetime and that they are like dollar bills. You don't want to waste any on useless language that doesn't really count. Let your words be numbered and do not speak unless they really matter.

Added: Here is the procedure that I follow regarding quarrelsome posts: If you post a question and someone here sincerely tries to answer it, I leave the post up. I will observe if you pick quarrels and seem to be looking for trouble. I may allow a couple of your posts to stick. However, once I figure out what you are up to, I will not only delete the recent post, I will go back to the very first time you ever posted, even if it was 3 years ago, and delete every single post you ever sent. This will make you understand how you can lose even your past prestige and privilege, and how I can remove your influence from way back. You may find whole threads of comments disappearing if you turn them into arguments. In the church, this is like first and second admonition. It is also casting out the scoffer, as Proverbs teaches. President Andrew Jackson told those who troubled our land that he would, by the hand of Almighty God, "route you out." On this blog, if you pretend to be amiable but later on your posts become devisive, you will be thoroughly routed out. Even your good comments will go bye-bye.

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