The Bible references to women being guides of the home and guards of the home are:
First Timothy 5 verse 14,
Titus 2
The commandments for men to be providers for their familes are:
First Timothy chapter 5 verse 8,
Second Thessalonians chapter 3 verse 10
The roles of men and women were defined in Genesis, where man was commanded to work by the sweat of his face and a woman was to be a helpmeet to her husband and to bear children. This can be found by reading the first three chapters in Genesis.
The command for a woman to be the provider for her family cannot be found. It was given to the men. They were also to be the leaders in the church. The command for a man to guide the home or be a keeper at home, is also not found. The clear, distinct roles of men and women are shown in many examples throughout the Bible.
If you want to see the results of the role reversal that is going on today, read this article "Men Working," at http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/artman/publish/Responsible_Manhood_20/Men_Working_A_Tract_to_My_Fellow_Men_364100364.shtml
I've heard several times of women who read the Bible's command for women to be keepers at home, guard the home, guide the home, and be wives and mothers, come to a heartfelt conviction that they could no longer go to work with the rest of the pack every day. In spite of the fact that things didn't "add up" financially, these women made the commitment and stuck to it, and guess what happened? Somehow, someway, they survived, and they kept their children. What I mean by keeping their children, is that their family is loyal and their children are well adjusted, faithful church members and faithful to the teachings of their parents and the Bible. They aren't troubled people.
Let's have a look at the financial question that many women face when trying to quit work, or avoid going to work. My counsel has always been: "Do what God says do, and let Him take care of the rest." Adding up every expense and then concluding that you can't survive without the mother going to work, leaves God out of the picture. If He, in his wisdom, decides what is best for you, how can we say, "But Lord, we won't make the car payment or the house payment, or have food and clothes?" While it is good to plan, sometimes we are guilty of looking too far ahead and trying to solve everything ourselves and leave God's hand out of it.
I know several women who have taken this advice to do what God says do, and let the rest fall into place. Today, none of them are living under a bridge. In fact, if you were to interview any poor displaced woman living from a bag or living under a bridge, you would discover that she didn't get there because she was sincerely obeying the scripture to take care of things at home, or because she quit work in order to take care of her husband and home school her children.
Sometimes things don't add up on paper, but when you step out in faith, letting God provide, you'll find that things fall into place. Just do what He says do, and watch what happens. I know several families that have found that they are actually better off without the wife's salary. Children are less sick or troubled, which cost less money. Food is less processed, which promotes better health, which costs less money. Mother at home means less wear and tear on vehicles, and even the possiblility of having only one car and one repair expense. Believe it or not, you can live with one car, and I've done it for many years. I had grown so used to using my husband's car when he was not using it, that when I finally got another one for myself, it sat outside for days before I remembered I had one! I was waiting for him to get home so I could use his!
Being without a car means less expense for insurance, gas, repairs, parts, tires, and so forth, but it means also you'll accomplish more at home. The more you stay home, the less you'll spend and the more you find you can save, or discover more ways to make money.
But, back to the idea of leaping out on faith and staying home, even though it doesn't look like you'll "make it" financially. One of the keys to doing this is to be diligent once you are at home. You've got to run the place like you mean business. You can't go home just because you want to avoid responsibility. You've got to go home with a purpose: to make that place the best dwelling place you can imagine, for your husband and children. This is going to take some work, but it also brings a lot of pleasure, as your work will create beauty and order and a lovely atmosphere that makes all who enter say, "I LOVE coming here!" Once, after a day out doing essential shopping and errands with my children, we returned to our humble home out in a country area, and my youngest son kissed the floor. "I am so glad to be here!" he said. Instead of home being a source of stress, you will find out it is a place of comfort for everyone and they would rather be "in" than "out" of it.
There are some sacrifices you'll have to make, if you really are determined not to go to work. You may have to find a cheaper way to live, or you may have to figure out how to change your living situation. If you cancel subscriptions and newspapers, or cable television, you can avoid paying out several hundred dollars a year. All these things are pleasures but they aren't worth trading mother going back to work. There are sites all over the web that show women various hints on how they can come home, and "make it," but even without doing these things, I know without a doubt that it is possible for a woman to be in the role God wants her to be in, and survive, without losing everything. Even so, in my opinion, there is no posession worth keeping if a woman has to put her family in the care of others in order to go to work to save some object.
I know of women who work, put their children in daycare, and hire housekeepers to look after their homes. In just a few years I've seen the stress on these women age them to the point that they look older than I am, and I'm a grandmother. It isn't worth it. These women are not working so that their families will have good character or be better people; they are working to pay for something. Their wages are not high, and they are burning both ends of the candle.
The Bible clearly states that young women should marry, have children, and keep the house and home. Why would God tell us to do something and then make it impossible to do it? I've heard the argument that this sort of life worked "in Victorian times," but now it is not possible, because of the economy. The economy is a relative thing, and even a nebulous thing, because each person creates their own economy. Some people even prosper in hard economic times, because of their Biblical approach to economy. We must not be guided by the news reports about the economy. Your economy is your own, and it is up to you how you manage it. Sometimes you'll hear news reports that in order to survive, the average family must bring in a certain amount of income. If you pay any attention to that, you'll end up back at work. It isn't true that women could stay at home only in the past, but not these days. It used to be said that "two can live as cheaply as one," and it is still true, if the couple are sharing their posessions, rather than buying one thing for each person. The Bible principles worked, they say, in Victorian times, but they work today or in any age. They can be put into practice, no matter what the current economy is. If they worked in the past, they'll work for us, today.
If you really want to obey the Word, you've got to trust God to provide for you, but my motiviation for obeying the command to stay home, is so that I might help my family develop the character and obedience that will gain them the heavenly reward, and that I myself will be in compliance with God's will. To complain that I do not have this or that, or have very little or no money, is to question His provision for me.
You may be thinking about quitting work, and trying to add up your household profit and loss sheet, but I'll tell you right now that it won't add up. If you are waiting for it to balance out, you'll never go home. Just go home and see if He will not open up the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing that cannot be contained. Do not go into homemaking expecting God to "pull his share of the load," however, but do it because it is the right thing to do. Forget about the rewards right now, and just do the right thing.
See also Titus 2
37 comments:
That essay you wrote, Lydia, really encouraged me. If fact, I am going to pass it on to a young mother thinking of becoming a stay-at-home mom and her husband. They are looking at all they pay for childcare and etc., and think that they can do it. I know they can do it, but I cannot tell someone who I have only known for a few months what to do. I have a personal testimony of my Father’s faithfulness over the years and this last year has been the hardest.
We moved to Missouri early in 2002 because we were wanting to get out of Florida and move out in the country in a more conservative area of this land for the sake of our three children still at home. My four older children had grown up in their early years in Nebraska before we moved to Florida back in 1988. Their best memories are of those years we spent out in the country and they look fondly at them. We lived in an area in Florida that had about 2.5 million people in 3 counties and didn’t think it a good place to raise our children. So we sold our house and made the move. My husband found a job down the road in a convenience store (he was finding it harder to get a job in today’s world as an almost 50 year old white male) and we managed to get by just as you have been testifying. We lived on the edge of a small town until we could find a place to rent in the country. When we did find something, it was a real leap of faith since we would be 11 miles from a town of 2400 people and 30 miles from the biggest town in the area of 11,000 people. We made a fleece before our Lord and He answered it and we knew we should do it. During the move in November of 2002, my husband hurt his back. He just kept on going as men are prone to do and by the beginning of the new year was flat on his back. He had been driving 90 miles one way to the job that he had, which did not pay well enough to make that kind of trip for it, but hadn’t been able to find a job that even payed $6 an hour where we had moved. I was so concerned for him driving those 3 hours a day, of which half of that was late at night. It was hard on the family, too, with daddy gone all that extra time a day. When he got laid up, we found a chiropractor in the little town we were nearest to and he was able to help him, but told him that if he continued to stand on a concrete floor in front of a cash register like he was doing, he would continue to have real problems with his back. Now what were we to do? After praying, my husband believed he was being led to take the real estate course and get his license to sell real estate. It is interesting that the very day that he told his job that he wasn’t coming back, the pain in his back quit. We joke that he was getting a kick in the rear to leave that job. It was not easy for him to pass the test for his license, but he persevered and passed. We found a realtor to work with and commenced a new phase in our life. It seems that just at the right times we would get a small sale to keep us going that first year. I did get my license, too, so I could not be restricted in helping my husband (I could not even give a description of a property over the phone without a license according to Missouri law.) I did not like leaving my home the 1-2 days a week for a few months to take my share of time in the office, though. It did give him more time with the children, but it made my life feel off kilter. We switched to different realtor after a few months closer to home and I did not have to go to the office. We got our biggest sale at the end of the year with the people who are the parents of the young man who became our son-in-law this last year.
That sale was our last sale. We went months without a sale. It was like the bottom fell out for us. We had no reserves since we had used them up a long time ago. Sorry to say, we did not trust Father enough to provide for us and we charged up our credit cards to the max paying utility bills, gas and groceries in the hope we would get some sales to pay them off. Eventually, we got to the point where we could not pay any of them. My husband got a temporary job helping some people with a move and it brought in a little. We would get gifts of food given to us. Our grown children gave to us. Our landlord was so patient with us when we were not able to pay the rent. My husband knocked on every door he could think of to find out what Father wanted us to do. By July, he believed that His direction was to go back to school and get his degree that he had never finished when he was younger. By this time, we were 4 months behind in our rent and didn’t even have money to pay our utility and phone bill. It seemed like a crazy idea, but it was the only direction we were getting. He applied to the school and we started getting ready to move. We had a moving sale way out in the country and sold most of the stuff and got almost $400 from that. We were able to pay our utility bill just in time to keep the power on (and thus the water since we needed electricity to run the well) and pay the phone bill. A friend told us that she believed if we packed and found a place to move, the funds would be there. We packed and we found a place online and rented it sight unseen. Right after that we got a check for $1000 in the mail from a totally unexpected source. We got $500 from a friend we never even have met that I “knew” from an online forum. We got little amounts almost every day until we moved, which was a period of about 2 weeks. Our landlord offered for us to live in the place rent free when we talked to him, but we were convinced of Father’s direction for us by then so told him “thank you, but no thank you.” I had been praying for Father to move on his heart and he then forgave our debt of 4.5 months of rent when my husband was assuring him that we intended to pay that debt as soon as we could.
We moved the beginning of August to Tennessee so my husband could start classes at the university that we believed he was to attend. The move put us within a day’s trip from any of our family which was an advantage to us, too, as we were two long days from our two daughters in Florida and our two daughters in Pennsylvania. The house that we had rented was a 100 year old farmhouse and had quite a few problems, but we made it homey and enjoyed our time there. We hoped and prayed that we would find a better place before winter since it was uninsulated and had 9 foot ceilings. It was also almost 30 miles from the school and the gas prices went way up and it was costing a lot in gas just to make the trip. Father provided a place for the same amount per month 17 miles from the school and a much better situation that we moved to the beginning of November. He again provided supernaturally for that move. My husband had found employment as a janitor at the university, but let the job go while we were moving because he had too heavy of a schedule to keep up with and move. We are convinced that the family is the most important and that we need to trust Father to provide so that I stay home and that he has time to be involved in their lives, too. I can’t tell you how hard it has been to stick to that the last few months, but we know and are convinced that I am to be here at home with our children. When the first semester was up, he got a job in a convenience store about 11 miles down the road, but it was again a desperation thing and Father had him quit it by giving him no peace about it. He has started his second semester now and we are seeking Father what He wants us to do to gain some income. I am so proud of him too as he came through his first semester with 2-A’s and 2-B’s.
We have been looking at our earnings for this last year to do taxes and also for him to get the financing for summer school and we thought we had earned more than the less than $3000 that was our earned income for 2004. We do get about $450 per month for my oldest son for child support (his dad left me and our five children back in 1995 for the “gay” life after almost 20 years of marriage.) Now, if our Father can keep food on our table, a roof over our head, and clothes on our back, as well as provide for our vehicle expenses and utilities with the circumstances we have had this last year, I know he can for any other family that is convinced that obedience to Him is most important. Honestly, I am amazed that we are not “living under a bridge” and I can attest to the fact that He makes it work when the numbers just don’t add up.
We regret using the credit cards and are going through the pain of not being able to pay them right now. We have learned a rough lesson there and have purposed not to use them again. Our daughter in Iraq is one that Father has used to help us many times over the last few months and we are so grateful for her love for us and her heart to help her family. She has also helped her sisters over this last year when a couple of them have needed help. One of them she left her car with to use and has continued to make the payments for it. In spite of the shaking that we all went through when their dad left, I have seen a closeness continue with my older children and have seen Father bringing them through it to a stronger relationship with Him. I don’t think that would have happened if I had been a working mom when they were growing up. Even when I was a single mother for a few years, I worked just part time for all but a 2 month period where I tried to hold down two part time jobs and ended up with one really sick little boy and sick myself where I had to quit the one job. Father was teaching me to trust Him and keep the priorities straight. There is nothing that is worth leaving the home and having “hirelings” raise my children. (As a single mother, I had the blessing of older children who helped care for their little brother who was almost nine years younger than my youngest daughter of my four older daughters.) Not even the debt we have and feel the pressure of, is worth leaving home about and having it unguarded(spiritually) and the family unprotected. We recently checked with a credit counseling agency about getting on a plan to get out of debt and the man my husband talked to said I would have to go to work to do their program since we didn’t have enough income to pay even our living expenses!
All I can say is that One who made us, who took on human flesh and redeemed us by His blood, who knows every need we have, HE is the ONE who is FAITHFUL!
Just wanted to add that Consumer Credit is the best place to go to get help paying off debt.
If you have just recently 'come home' you may notice some unforseen expenses. Your utility bill will be higher if your family has previously spend the major part of the day somewhere else. People whose children go to school or daycare, and who spend their time in a workplace, are using someone else's lights, water, heat and even some other things. Some of our acquaintances just couldn't understand why we were having such a hard time making ends meet, until they discovered our utility bills were much higher than theirs. They thought that I was being extravagant, but if you are living in your home, you and the children will be using the appliances and the rooms to their full extent. You might also find that your cooking equipment, and even dinnerware, does not last as long as your working counterparts, who eat most of their meals away from home. We went through several sets of everything. The children all learned to cook with these things, and the wear and tear on it all was enormous.
On the other hand, there will be a reduction in other expenses such as convenience foods, going out to the movies, ball games, clothing and medicine. Being at home more means you don't need a lot of these things.
Something I enjoyed about being home is being able to get adequate rest from time to time. If I were at work, I don't think I would have been excused to go take a nap, or sit and have a cup of tea, with my feet up.
Lydia,
Would Consumer Credit Counseling do the same thing or not? My husband checked with a non-profit "Christian" credit counseling outfit and that was the response we got. I just explain our situation to our creditors and tell them we intend to pay them when we have some money to do so. Right now, we just barely meet living expenses. Some of them can be so mean and rude. We are definitely experiencing the consequences of not trusting Father and using the credit cards. I sure would encourage anyone who is thinking of getting credit cards to not get one. I don't care how disciplined you think you are, you can get burned by them.
Love and shalom,
Serena
This comment was sent by a reader:
Today I read the article entitled "Do What God Says Do, and Let Him Take Care of the Rest". While reading, I immediately thought back to the day eleven years ago when I decided to leave my career and stay at home. That day, I was standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes, thinking about the impending birth of my first child. As I worked, I continued to imagine what life would soon be like; the break from employment and the time to be spent with my baby during maternity leave. As my thoughts moved ahead to the eventual need for childcare, I felt a heart-wrenching pain and began to weep. When my husband came home at the end of the day I told him, through tears, that I could not bear the thought of leaving our baby in someone else's care at the tender age of six weeks. He agreed without hesitation that I should stay home, and I filled out the necessary paperwork to leave my position. During this time we didn't stop to consider the financial ramifications of our
decision; after all, our income would drop by nearly fifty percent almost overnight, and things were already tight. How were we to pay all our existing bills plus the costs associated with a new baby? What about the student loans, car payment, doctor bills, etc.? All I can say is that the Lord was faithful to honor the intention of our hearts. He provided for our needs even though the numbers would never have worked out on paper. I encourage every woman whose heart longs to be home to seek the Lord's direction and timing. Although the transition may sometimes be difficult, we can trust Him; He is well able to make a way where there seems to be no way. My family is living proof.
Regarding Consumer Credit: If you don't want to use them, it is simple to use their system of getting out of debt, on your own. The one advantage to them is that they often can persuade credit card companies to drop their finance charges until you get the cards paid off.
Dear Lydia,
I have read your article and I agree with the fact that a woman's place is in the home. But, what if you don't have children. I have been hoping for children since I was married two years ago. In the meantime I have had to work at first full time and now part time. My husband believes that I should work and bring in income until I have a baby, but what if this never happens. Is it a woman's role to feel as though she must help provide in this way? Am I wrong in thinking that his view is liberal? This has caused much strife between us recently and I would like to know your opinion.
Thank you,
A.M.
Since we don't usually answer comments on older articles, please go to our recent articles here, for more insights on this subject.
http://homeliving.blogspot.com/2006/07/stay-at-home-wives-series-part-1.html
There is an article beneath that which talks about stay at home women without children, and the many things there are to do. We also have many articles, including, "When Queens Ride By" on this blog, and an article by Taylor Caldwell called, "They're Spoiling Eve's Con", by an author who was born in about 1900, who saw the changes in the home and marriage due to the push to get women into full time careers, away from matters at home.
Great encouragement. Thanks so much!
God Bless You,
Victoria
I wholeheartedly agree - but what can I do when my husband wants me to remain at work? :( Yes, he is a strong Christian.
Don't both partners have to agree on this issue? :(
This question leaves me with a question: Is your husband really following Biblical principles? Many Christian men are still learning and studying about the will of God.
Don't assume that he knows it all just because he is a Christian. There is a lot in the Bible to study. He may not know about the different roles of men and women according to scripture. He may not have a heartfelt conviction that he must be the breadwinner and protector. He may not know that the wife staying home makes him a better man. He may not have conviction about these things.
Also if a man does not want his wife to stay home, he is going against Biblical principles. He is going against God. There will always be troubles and conflicts, but it is better to have conflict over doing the right thing, rather than suffer the consequences of "kicking against the goad" or going the opposite way of God's natural plan for men and women.
It puzzles me how so many women, especially in the West, who marry of their own free will, having their own choice of men, with no parental mandate, will soon report that their husbands "don't want" them to do something, or "want" something, etc. I don't understand this conflict, in view of the fact that when they got married they both felt on equal terms, and they willingly tied the knot. Now, there is conflict, and I do not understand it. If a husband loves his wife, really loves her, he wants her to be happy. He will not object if she does something to ensure her well being, such as staying home and working as a wife, mother and homekeeper, and he will not object if she wants to preserve her family, look after her health, and ensure the family stability.
Money does not do these things, inspite of what the media and the education establishments tell us. You often see that word "stability" or the phrase "looking after" in relation to money and income. People have just grown up believing that the woman working IS "doing the right thing." They never stop to consider that the things that really preserve marriage, home and family, do not come from money. The word "security" is also paired with "job" or "paycheck" or "income" but it is talking about financial security. In marriage, financial security does not make the relationship solid or raise nice children or clean a
house. Marriage is designed in such a way that no matter what the income, your loyalty and your determination will always be stronger. You can live in a tent and be happily married, and on the other hand many people have adequate income and are not happily married. HOwever, God intended for the man to earn money by the sweat of his brow and provide for the family. In that regard, it is important to have money. So if you are married, the husband MUST have an income. The wife doesn't necessarily have to have an income, but she, if she works it right, creates another, second income from her husband's earnings, by being the diligent and frugal keeper of the home.
Think of all the goods and services you do not have to buy when you are the manager of the home full time. Your food does not have to be boxed or packaged or frozen. You don't eat take-out. It costs three times as much as making it from real ingredients. You pay more to eat at restaurants. Even coffee is cheaper if you make it at home. You don't need all the things that the world says you need. I remember women who had two outfits of clothing: one for the week and one for Sunday. They wore these out before they got more, if the family needed something. However, because of their sacrifice, later on the family prospered and they were able to have much,much more.
The problem is that many people want to start out "on the top of the ladder" financially and don't want to work their way up. When you start out on top, in a perfect house and a perfect car and all the accents you like, it is a painful crash down if you lose an income. On the other hand, if you begin with only your husband's income, you will be used to living carefully and watching the pennies, and one day, you will have built a stable financial base for yourselves, even if the husband has a change in jobs or loses his job.
One way to insure your financial income is to be generous givers when you do have something. Helping others,putting something in the contribution at church, providing hospitality for someone, doing something in a giving way--benevolent, comes back to you 10 to a hundred times. I've never seen a really generous person end up on the street begging. David said in the Psalms, "I have been young, and now I am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, or his sons begging bread." If you do the right thing, you will be blessed. Now of course, I'm not saying you can go home and be lazy, or go home and just spend like it was water. You have to have respect for your husband's earnings. YOu can't buy whatever you want and then complain that his paycheck doesn't stretch. You have to appreciate the time it takes for him to earn ten dollars. Every time you spend ten or 20 dollars, it represents so many minutes or hours at work, so do not waste it. This does not mean you will be struggling and poor all of your life.
One way to "live rich" when you are cash poor is to be creative and the other way is to be resourceful. When you are buying groceries, only buy the real item in its most natural state, as close as you can get it. If you want a box of mixed rice with seasonings, just look at the ingredients listed on the box and then go home and make it yourself.
The seasoning packet is no secret formula, no big secret. You usually have all those spices at home, and it is a matter of putting in a dash of one and a dip of another and getting the flavor as you like it. It is a learning process, so don't expect to get it right the first time, but do try to find out how to make everything from "scratch."
I haven't used a cake mix in years and years and wouldn't have one in my house, now that I have a cake recipe I have used so much I memorized it. It takes just as much time to open the box (three times the price of ingredients) and pour in the oil and add eggs, as it does to measure out the flour and the rest of the ingredients. You still have to use a bowl and a spoon and prepare a pan, even with a mix.
So don't buy anything pre-packaged if you are worried about money. You can even make your own pudding mixes. There are cookbooks you can get that show you how to make your own mixes of everything from spaghetti sauce to salad dressing. Yes, you can make your own salad dressing.
You don't need spaghetti sauce. You can use a can of tomato sauce, which is anywhere from 25 cents to 50 cents and add your own basil and oregano, etc. Just look at the ingredients on the side of a jar of it and you'll see it is no big deal.
YOu can cut down on the expense of the home by not being wasteful in anything. The first thing you can look at is your non-food items. Use less paper towels and less cleaning products. Your house can be just as clean and even smell wonderful with natural ingredients and you don't need expensive shampoos and expensive soaps. I am not saying you are going to be making all these things, but you can use less of them and make a product last longer.
Taking care of things in the home, and keeping the house in good condition means you won't face expensive repairs later on. Don't use the dryer for just one item. Hang it up somewhere and let it air dry. Don't wash clothes all the time. Wait til there is a substantial load. You don't need a closet full of clothes falling all over the place, creating more laundry. You can sell off everything you don't need, in a yard sale. When you really want to stay home, you have to look at spending and resources a little differently.
As far as the husband sending his wife to work, it isn't right, but it could be that he doesn't see you getting much accomplished at home or he doesn't have faith in your housekeeping. The best thing to do is prove yourself, gain knowledge, be dedicated to the home.
I can't imagine Sarah or Rebecca in the Old Testament asking their husbands, "Is it okay if I quit work and stay home and have a baby?" It would have been fodder for comedy. It is natural for a woman to be a homemaker. It is inside of her to do that. Her brain is wired for it and she is much better at it than a man. Many interesting inventions and businesses have been developed at home by enterprising women. I'm not saying they should also have to have a business on a side, but sometimes it occurs.
What a wonderful post. I am new to your blog, and I appreciate the point of this post. We live in a culture that likes things to add up nicely and neatly before we "step out in faith".
Even in the church we have forgotten that the essence of faith requires unanswered questions, or it isn't faith is it? "The subsatnce of things hoped for and the evidence of things NOT seen."
I am really looking forward to getting acquainted with this site. And your introductory post to newcomers is brilliant!
I found you through LAF. What a refreshing post! I rarely hear someone just SAY what you have said. These are things I have worked through over the last year or so. In fact, I have been home for one year in June! Praise God!
But oh how I wish I had learned this sooner. The lies are rampant and thank you for saying the truth.
I think one of the glaring differences between the feminist view and the Biblical view of womanhood is money. Feminist posters seem to always mention the words "afford" or "finance" or "money" or "earnings." Christian women at home know that it is not all about money! It is about caring for people in a spiritual and emotional sense, that is most important. When we know this is our duty, we can live in a tent if necessary and be happy. No one can pry our children from us and no one can force us out of our homes when we come to a deep spiritual conviction that it is God's will for us to guard and guide the home just as the ancients did... though some did not, with the usual consequences. No it is not about money. In the 50's when my mother and her friends were home, not one time did anyone ever utter the words, "How can you afford to stay home?
that was a sly choice of words from the media and the writers to make women think they had to be wealthy in order to stay home. Women naturally stayed home in the past, not because they could "
afford" it...but because they wanted to do what was right. Only the wild, irresponsible ones would dare to run away from their homes...and the men wanted women who would provide them a beautiful nest to come home to...today, however, even the men are indoctrinated to believe women should labor at work and labor having children and labor at home as well. It is a triple burden for the women, really. The college men think they will get a woman who has earning power and then they can buy so much more....it is not true, not true...it will all sink, eventually.
My comment might be kind of long but I have to say this. The Bible says that many are the plans in a man's heart but it's the Lord's purpose that will prevail. A little background on me: I am a pastor's wife who lives in the Caribbean. I am a stay at home homeschooling mother of two boys ages 4 & 5 yrs old. My husband and I moved back to our home island of Dominica October 2007 at God's direction. Yesterday thought our senior pastor and the church did not go the rally yesterday because of other commitments he okayed for my hubby and I to go. The preacher was from the US and the part of his messaged that God used to speak to me was from 1 Cor 16:9 which says "For a great and effective door has opened to me, and there are many adversaries". I felt the Lord speaking directly to me and I wondered and prayed in my heart asking him what ministry door is He speaking of. Today I had a whole lot on my to do list to accomplish but somehow when I woke up I felt that I should just spend the whole day ironing(I had a lot backed up). So I started and took breaks in between. Somehow the Lord had me reading article upon article from your sidebar during my breaks. I did not feel in my spirit that I should visit any other blogs to say hi and catch up or to even post some long overdue things on my blog. I just felt that I should read the different articles and as I try my best to do I followed the leading of the Holy Spirit. I am not yet finished reading but as I was reading this particular post I felt the moving of the Holy Spirit in my heart and I saw the great and effective door that was opened and the many adversaries. I just had to stop and tell you this because it is just amazing how God will use something that someone has written so long ago to bring clarification of His will to another person several years later. This post was written in January 2005. It is now July 2008 and here the Lord is using this post to speak to me. This has been something I've been pondering in my heart for sometime and God used you to confirm to me that He wants to use me to change the minds of His women in this island starting with the few He has placed in my sphere of influence. I feel so passionately about staying home and being a keeper at home that sometimes people though they may not voice it think that I am a bit extreme but I believe that the time has come for me to boldly step out in faith as He leads and let Him use me to save families on this island. The decay is too rampant. I felt so moved that I cried and began to say yes Lord, yes Lord, yes Lord as I heard His gentle voice speaking to me today. Then He showed me that even pastor's wives may think that I am extreme and He showed me that there would be many adversaries as I stand and speak as He gives me utterance. Oh Lady Lydia, I am so scared but at the same time excited. Please pray for me whenever you think of me or see a comment from me because I feel so small and weak. I am really scared. I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and it is He who is calling me and will empower me but I just feel so inadequate and scared right now. Thank you for being such and inspiration to me in my own walk as a keeper at home. Now you are being used to touch an even wider circle of people as I venture out to articulate what I believe God wants me to. God richly bless you.
Jenn
Fruitful Vine, yes I read your blog every once in awhile. I just love the photographs of your bright land in the Carribean. I have been to a few countries there, myself and was so impressed with the colorful houses and clothes.
This article is on the "most popular pages" every day. Since I have seen it pasted on other blogs for the purpose of totally distentegrating it into mockery, I'm always glad to see a friend reading it!
I am getting ready to publish something from an old newspaper from the late 1950's/early 60's that will add more sense to the belief of the woman's value in the home.
It is true you will be pressured on every side. I was surprised at how many church members opposed me, and then I realized they had all been educated by the left to believe in feminism, and if it came to a choice between God's word and feminism, they would choose feminism. It is sad to see the children of many of these church members, fall away and lead less than happy lives. Much of this is due to the absence of the mother in the home during the most teachable moments of their lives, and the most receptive moments of the day.
I liked what one lady here said: "After all, that is what faith is all about." Peter Marshall, in one of his sermons, said that we had faith in airplanes and in schools and in electricity etc. but we fail to have total faith in God. We can do what He says do, and even if we don't see immediate results we will have a clear conscience knowing we did right.
Lady Lydia,
Your blog is my favorite. I have gleaned so much knowledge here and I cannot begin to tell you how your blog has changed my life and my views.
However, I must humbly express my opinion. Please know that this is said with utmost respect and agreement that women should be at home.
Many of us were not Christians when we got married. We were indoctrinated and believed the feminist agenda along with most of society. However, God has slowly changed our hearts and made us realize that women should not be in the workplace.
Yet, it is very hard to change our husband's hearts in this matter and it is not up to us to do that. It is God's work. My husband is definitely a Christian and does know the Lord. I sort of took offense to your insinuation that he wasn't obeying the Lord. As with all of us, God is working on his heart. I am sure God will bring me home in His timing and restore the years I foolishly wasted. I would like nothing better than to be a stay at home mother and I realize this is a woman's highest calling. However, hearts don't change overnight.
Actually, you said what I said, in a different way--that a husband has to have a heart change and he is not automatically aware of changes that need to be made, even if he is already a Christian.
Even Christian men and women sin by omitting part of the word of God. Just because they are Christians does not mean they will know or do all of the will of God. What sets them apart is that they are willing to follow that word when they hear it. They believe what God says to do.
They may not be knowledgeable in all the Bible things. It takes study. They have to read the word. It won't get in the mind unless they hear it or see it. They may not have grown to spiritual maturity. It isn't offensive; it is just a fact.
The reason I wrote it is because a lot of women feel that just because their husbands are Christians, they automatically have a knowledge of how to be husbands. In this day and age, however, a lot of men have been raised by feminists, who taught them that "what a man can do, a woman should do" and expect their wives to work just like their mothers did.
However, they must live under the direction of the Holy Spirit contained in His Word, the Bible. They can't arbitrarily say "I'm a Christian, and I'm the husband, therefore, my wife will work all her life in a factory and we will put our kids in daycare." Or they may think they can view unwholesome material and the wife can't do anything about it. She can. A lot of women would be surprised at just how much the men depend on the women to have a certain intuition and knowledge about things and how much they need the women to inform them. I agree they shouldn't argue, push, preach, threaten, etc., but they should not neglect to be good counsellors and good guides in matters of the family and the home!
Women know that just because they are Christians, doesn't mean they arrive all at once at a conviction to do the perfect will of God. Sometimes it comes through experience and maturity.
The New
Testament was written to people who were already Christians, to get them back on the right path, to correct them, and to make them see the truth and avoid certain errors they participated in.
James wrote, "Therefore, to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him, it is sin." Not everyone knows to do good, just because he is a Christian. It is a learning process. He may not be knowledgeable on the subject.
Women should not assume that just because their husbands go to church, they automatically know what is best in matters of family. They have to learn and they have to have their eyes opened, just as the apostle Paul was opening the eyes of many of the believers who had already obeyed the gospel.
He still had to tell them over and over not to follow the world. He still had to remind them to be rich in good works. He still had to point them to God's will.
There are many women who have come home because they prayed for their husband to see the light and they also told them of their heartfelt convictions, in a nice way, or offerred to cut down expenses (sell a vehicle, cut down on spending, earn extra money at home, etc) and this has brought about changes in their lives.
Women with Christian husbands need to remember to be helpers, or helpmates to their husbands, so that they can alert them to spritual danger, or tell them when they are headed in the wrong direction or are making certain errors that would change the course of their futures. There is nothing wrong with that. That is what helping someone is about. You don't just sit back and wait for something to happen; you have to be honest with your husband. I sometimes can't figure out how women can marry their "best friend" and then not be able to tell them everything on their hearts. So, the comment was not aimed as an insult at anyone. It did not say your husband was not a Christian. It said that Christian men do not know everything, and can sometimes, even ignorantly, neglect the teachings of the scriptures.
I love this post and have had this same mindset for a while now. When I was working, the ache to be home was so great I was almost sick to get up everyday and go to work, of all the ungodly places, a factory. But I knew my husband would not allow me to leave. After much praying and putting my trust in God, waiting on Him, I was laid-off. I cannot express how relieved I was! I tried to console our manager that I knew this was God's will and not to feel bad, I knew His hand was on it all (he had already had to let go of dozens of people, I could tell it was wearing on him) So now I am drawing unemployment (which I don't feel great about...)and trying, albeit halfheartedly, to take an online class for medical transcribing. My husband has assured me that I could be at home and work through this career, but it just doesn't feel right. I am so anxious when I do try to study, and I realize that could be due to my mentality about it all (what I believe God says I ought to be doing instead of this) But my husband is so sure we cannot make it on one income. I want to be obedient to my husband, I know I am supposed to be submissive to him, but this just does not feel right. I know I need to obey God, I KNOW HE WILL TAKE CARE OF US! Why can't my husband see this? It hurts me. All I can do is pray. Mrs. Lydia, will you please say a prayer for us, I so want to be obedient but this is so hard. God bless the work you are doing through your blog, I absolutely love LAF. You have a wonderful ministry, thank you.
Wow! I'm so excited that I found this site. I thought that I was alone. It is so refreshing to find someone who has the same values and beliefs that I have.
I am the mother of two preschoolers. When my son was born I was working. After staying at home for 2 months I could not stand the idea of going back to work. I was sick about leaving my baby. Even though my husband was watching my son, I knew in my heart that it was my responsibility to care for him. I was not at peace. My husband and I have been struggling for years financially but God has provided for us even when I did not trust Him. This is the hardest job that I've ever had but not a day goes by that I wish that I was at work instead of teaching my children. Both of my children are well adjusted and have great personalities. Both of my children get to rest and play on their own little schedules. No rushing around going and doing, and filling our days with lots of activities and stress. NONE of our family or friends believe the same way we do. Noone supports our decision. We have been called names including "deadbeats". We do not have any close friends because no one agrees with the way we are living. It has been most difficult. I must say that one of the hardest things that I have had to deal with is unlearning the feminist views that have been used to brainwash me over the years. I've gone through feelings of guilt over not being able to buy clothes for the kids or thinking that I'm a bad mom because our pantry is getting bare and I don't have some food that my son requests. Then I remember that no amount of money can replace the time that I am able to spend with my children. Thank you for this site and your ministry. Thank you for having the nerve to go against the establishment and share your life with others. I am anxious to read more. Thank you for pointing out the fact that there are Christians who are not following God's will. You are an inspiration!
Amy, be sure to check the side links for homemaker blogs here in the US and also in other countries. There are more people than you think, who have this instinct for the home that is stronger than any temptation to go out to work. There is no law, Biblical, or otherwise, that requires us to have the things that everyone thinks we should have, nor to live the way everyone thinks we should. One or two sets of clothing is good enough for each child, and they do not need the latest of everything. Plain food with some vegetables is all we need to eat. We do not need all the things that cost us so much money, and we can be happy by being creative with the homes we do have. You can learn to substitute for some of the things your family wants. Everything comes from somewhere, and once you figure out what the ingredients are, you can make many of your own foods. Even spaghetti can be hand made with flour and water and eggs. I am not saying we MUST do this, but it is not impossible to live at home as a wife and mother, if you do not demand to buy everything.
I can see this is another one of those bloggers who thinks homemaking is the only way. Guess I will have to get out my sewing machine and dust it off. Can't imagine how anyone could make anything of themselves being a homemaker. Where do you get the money to do this, if you have no job? How in the world can you deny your daughters the fulfillment of a career? Your life is boring and stagnent and you will never get anywhere in life. What is the point of it? You will have no career to fall back on when your husband leaves you and you will have no skills except that of being a maid.
Anon, if you're going to criticize this blog, you should do it with something other than the "homemakers are boring, your husband will leave you" argument. For my part, I don't care for this blog either, but it's not because of the homemaking thing; it's because of the message that this is ALL women should ever be and they're sinning if they don't. My mother's a homemaker, and her life is quite interesting; she's out of the house plenty. I intend to have a career before marriage, and after that I'll write from home. Other than that, I'll be a homemaker myself. To each her own.
Can't recall sending such a message and object strongly to the accusation. Just because I promote the things that glorify womanhood and the contribution women make to marriage, home and family, does not mean I condemn anyone who does not do that. There are always those who never marry or can't have children, and there will always be those who love careers more than marriage home and family but it does not mean I condemn them to hell.
"Can't recall sending such a message and object strongly to the accusation"
In this very post, Lydia, you said that the Bible commands men to earn bread and women to be homemakers; you even almost sarcastically that the command for women to work
"cannot be found". It sounded pretty clear to me, and that wasn't an accusation; it was an observation. If you truly believe otherwise, thanks for clarifying, though I don't see the point in your overreaction to my post.
That is what the Bible teaches, but I don't see how it leads anyone to the conclusion that I believe women are bound for hell if they do not do that. In the past I have stated that those who do not obey the gospel will not receive salvation here nor the reward of eternal life in heaven. That goes for both homemakers and those who are not home based. In order to have a good conscience towards God, those commands that he says to do, we will try our utmost to do. The instruction to women are found in Titus 2.
"I don't see how it leads anyone to the conclusion that I believe women are bound for hell if they do not do that"
I never thought you believed they'd go to hell.
"That is what the Bible teaches"
I don't see any command against married women working; many women I know are successful at it. We'll just have to disagree on that. I hope I haven't upset you.
Have a good Christmas
Not upset about anything. There are lots of things the bible does not specifically forbid, however, just because it does not forbid every little thing does not mean it condones, approves, or commands it. When there is a specific command, we abide by it, not by the belief that if it "does not say you can't do it, it is okay to do it." If we followed that belief, we could do anything we wanted as long as the Bible didn't forbid it. I believe where God specifies, we cannot generalize. The bible does teach that the Christian women should guard the home and be keepers at home. There is nothing that commands them to earn a living, however the men are command to be providers. There is no Bible command that forbids men to stay home and be housekeepers, but where there is a specific command to earn his bread by the sweat of his brow and provide for his own, I believe it eliminates other things. Now for example when Noah was told to build the ark he was given a specific wood to use, the acacia wood. He didn't say "you can't use birch or spruce" and Noah was bright enough to know that where God specified, he was not giving a general command. In the case of women, if we get into saying "It doesn't say I can't be a bartender" then we could just about open it up to anything, but since they were told to be industrious keepers of the home, it gives a huge role and responsibility. There will always be those who want to do something else, and there are no religious police preventing it, but I hope more women will realize they do not have to put themselves in the position of being wives mothers and homemakers and breadwinners at the same time, just as I hope men will realize they do not have to be homemakers and breadwinners at the same time. It puts a double burden on women when they try to do it all.
"I hope more women will realize they do not have to put themselves in the position of being wives mothers and homemakers and breadwinners at the same time"
I do agree with that. It depends on individual strengths.
I admit I haven't had time to concentrate on the explanation very much, as I've been involved in table settings and sewing today and trying to get a clearer photograph on a dark day ;-)
I don't blame you a bit; serving family is what Christmas is all about! :) And a homemaker's work is indeed never over.
Thank you for your article. I need to constantly be encouraged(every time I'm paying bills) that I'm doing the right. Escpecially since my children are grown and everyone expects me to get a job. How can we be an example to the younger women if we are out of the home? I love your blog. Sharon
Sharon,
I get the same response from people who do not realize that when the children are in their own homes, the expenses go down, and it makes even more sense to stay home. I have occasional illness just due to my body changing, so who wants people like me in the workplace? Leave the jobs to the women who have no husbands to look after them. Why should a woman who has been dedicated to the home suddenly be put under the stress of entering a different career, with all the pressures and uncertainties and changes that jobs entail? Most working women will say they barely make enough money, so what is the difference? I dont see them wearing nicer clothes or having nicer homes or having more fun and I cant see that their families are more cohesive or lacking in troubles.At least you know you belong at home and no one can take your job and your company won't downsize.
Thank you for this post, Lydia. I left the work force a month ago and have been questioning whether it is, in fact, God's will for me to stay home. When I look at the financial ramifications I am filled with doubt. My husband and I wonder how we will make ends meet on his income alone. Your post was just the encouragement I needed in this moment. With God all things are possible!
I notice that some of the stay at home wives who have posted are under a lot of pressure to enter the workforce, even if they have children to take care of. With the current economic situation, it's amazing that more people don't see that it's good for society when more women do stay home. It's clear that there isn't enough full-time work available for everybody to be able to make a living that way. There's huge unemployment almost everywhere in the world where the feminist view dominates. Also, there's been a huge increase in the problems that affect young people these past few decades, such as drug and alchohol abuse and teenage pregnancy. These problems were much less widespread in the days when the mother was at home to keep an eye on them.
One of the problems with today's thinking is that everything, I mean everything, is based on its monetary value. This is erroneous thinking. We were taught as Christians that God wants us to make a value judgement based on His Word. His word contains not only commands, but examples and inference. This means that you have to take it as a whole picture and not in bits and pieces to suit you. The wife being home is not contingent on the husband making a certain amount of money: it is based on a belief. The women are so special and so important in creating the home, and in passing on values to the next generation, that they cannot be used as mere work horses to provide an income for the family. Today their value is devalued by their place in the workforce. Thousands of woman go to work each day and put their children in daycare. Without children, women still do not understand their value in the home. There is so much to do to make the home a place where members of the family, particularly men, can be what they are supposed to be. Educating women should begin at home, teaching them how to keep house and how to develop an intellectual and spiritual approach to home life.
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