Friday, January 23, 2015

Back to My Little Corner of the World

                                    Tea set from 

Hello Dear Ladies, 

I am back to the normal work of the home and have been looking on our eBay and other places for some of the china I saw while in Victoria. The patterns are not available in the US and seem impossible to have sent here.  However, there are a number of pretty china patterns available here such as the set seen in the above photo from Cake Stand Heaven.

Due to many changes in the house (shifting things around, unpacking, re-arranging, uncluttering, etc) things are not as orderly as I would like, but in the midst of it all I have a little space for any visitor or family member to stop and relax and maybe have a cup of tea.  

Maybe you would like to join me today, as I would like to share some thoughts with you. I hope you will share your thoughts back, also, by leaving a comment.

 The boxed set is quite lovely and would be a nice thing to give someone who is resting at home and needs a little extra TLC for some reason or other.

As most of you probably know, a return home can mean a fresh new outlook on life and maybe even arriving at solutions to old, puzzling problems.  Jesus was loved by many and hated by others. He knew the value of retreating to a quiet and private place.  Homemakers need their own privacy, so their minds can rest and renew and get more clarity in their thinking.

One of the things I have been thinking about that may be of interest to some of my readers is the problem of the Christian lady and tale-bearing.  Please do not think I am referring to any person or anyone's personal situation. Because the pattern of a tale-bearer is so familiar, it may sound like I am talking about your situation.

 Following the suit of other bloggers, I do not want to allow tale-bearers, wolves, Jezebels, haters, and trolls to control my web-log and the articles I write, or the "real life" wolves to destroy my sense of well-being. As I have been researching how to effectively handle haters of what is good, true and lovely, I came across a lot of good articles and books that were already written on these subjects, and I want to share some things that might be helpful to others, whether they are blogging or just want to get something done at home without the interference of jealous, malicious people.

Two of the books that I have read so far are:

"Pastor Abuse: When Sheep Attack the Shepherd", by Ken Crockett, and "When Do I Cry Wolf" by Steven Catt.

The first book reveals the tactics of trolls, wolves, critics or whatever you want to call them, to demoralize, divide and defeat any good work that is going on. They begin by telling you it is no good and you might as well give up because everyone is against you. Nothing has changed since the days of Nehemiah when his detractors tried to get the workers to quit building the walls of Jerusalem by telling them the walls were too weak and the job would never be completed. 

The second book gives some rather pointed examples of the way wolves and Jezebels work in any group, whether it be the city council, a gardening club, a family endeavor, a public person, a career, a church, or a business. People reading this book will see a pattern of destruction, beginning with turning what was once a friendly meeting into a long, arduous, miserable argument that discourages everyone from continuing.

If you look up "the tactics of demoralization" on the web, you will clearly see how the troll or the wolf uses the pattern to destroy confidence and divide people so that the hater can take control.

You may wonder what a homemaker has to do with any of this, but she must be alert to divisiveness and fiercely guide and guard the home.

For further research, type in words like "How to identify and deal with wolves in the church" as just since 2014 there has been a horde of articles on this topic. People are waking up after their homes and businesses, city councils and churches have been torn apart, and are exposing the plan behind it, along with the pattern that usually occurs, and with great accuracy they relate how people are hit blindsided when someone takes over their project or their business or even the church they belong to.

The first tool that is used is tale-bearing, supported by rumor.  Rumors spread seem to take on a life of their own. Even when they are outright lies, people's minds tend to absorb them as true, and they are so sucked in by the wolves that when asked to hear the true story, they will stop up their ears, just like the people in the New Testament who refused to listen to the truth. Heads of corporations who have taken the defamation and false accusations to court to prove the truth, have found that even when the case is ruled in their favor, the rumors, once having free reign, persist and ruin their business and the lives of all the employees who once benefited from a prosperous enterprise.

Haters know the power of a rumor, and the strength of a lie in the minds of weak people. If you are home, you have great power to influence your family to always investigate the story behind the story and to find out the source.  If you are raising children it is a mistake to deny the presence of wolves in the world. A study of the New Testament reveals the problem of those who come to "spy out your liberty" and wreak havoc with your faith. Their goal is to make you quit, whether it be your love of the home or your interests and hobbies, or your beliefs.

Tale-bearers do their part to change the way things exist, by suggesting with words that a situation is different than really is. Thus, a happy family is reported to be a factious one, and a popular business is rumored to have in-office fighting. A well-organized garden group is tale-beared to be ineffective and a church that is getting along just fine will be reported to be "disorganized" and "sharply divided."  A nice blog is called conceited and a successful etsy store is "a failing business."  These tales, once released, continue to circulate until the members of the families, websites or churches involved give up, and even after that, will go down in history as truth, even when proven to be a lie.

The reason the wolf prowls freely is that he is dressed in sheeps clothing (works for the company, is in a seemingly cohesive family, is involved in community organizations, goes to church) and so he seems like everyone else. Nice people do not like to admit that some people are not so nice. They do not warn their children of the wolves that will interfere in the home and in the church, to reduce their confidence in their leaders and God-given authorities.  Parents do not want to say anything  negative or talk behind someone's back, so they fail to warn their children of possible hazards ahead. We are all from a polite generation and we hate to be accused of gossip, so we say nothing while a trouble maker  has free reign over any group he infiltrates. 

A wolf senses two things: lack of authority, and fear.    Wolves are attracted to any thing that looks like a group, because it is the nature of a wolf or a hater to devour, destroy, and steal.  These books I read rightly described the nature of wolves, which I will not go into here, but every type of group or "flock", even a nation, may have a wolf circling around the sheep.  When a wolf is around, the sheep are nervous and cannot eat properly or digest their food. Nervous sheep will be distracted by a wolf and will not look to the shepherd, and at times will not obey his voice when they are in danger. Sheep tend to scatter in different directions when full of fright from a circling wolf.  A controller senses fear and will take advantage of it. A controller or hater thinks there is no authority over him/her and will go as far as they can until someone stops them.

One example of tale-bearing and the damage it does is the all-too familiar woman who infiltrates someone's home or church and tells someone else what terrible people they are. Then she goes to someone else and reports that the people who formerly provided for her, mentored her and helped her are really hypocritical and unqualified to minister to anyone.

This is is a story that is repeated around the world, causing neighbors and old friends not to speak to each other for years and years.

A friend gave me permission to relate her story here:

"My friend was mentoring a young woman who was living with them in their home, and asked if I would be able to help by having her in my home as well.  I was willing to take her as long as she would work in our family business with us, in exchange for living with us.  The first thing this young woman said was, "I am so relieved to be here because I just didn't feel safe with your friend. Her family has bad habits and poor character and they all insulted me." 

 My friend then said she didn't feel she should call her friend to verify this because she didn't want to offend her or stir up trouble.  The young woman then communicated to her former hostess that her new mentor had an unruly family that had criticized her and that her new home was "a terrible place."  As a result of this cross-tale-bearing, two lifelong friends ceased communicating for five years!  When they finally reluctantly met again at a social event, they were able to reveal the reason they had not spoken in so long: the wolf had deceived them both into being suspicious of one another and divided them.

Ladies I have heard many versions of this story from all over the world, and it always has the same pattern.  As you guard your homes, be wary and be aware. We are living in a culture of lying.  It is naive to believe that such things do not exist, and being ignorant of it can cost you the loss of your family, your business, your community projects, your blog, the church you attend, and even your marriage. 

The articles I have read on the web have many useful ideas for dealing with these divisive and destructive wolves. We spend too much time catering to them, trying to reform them and tolerating them. We even hide their identity. What shepherd in his right might would refuse to identify a wolf, let him in with the flock and let him devour the sheep?  Even the apostle Paul named the troublemakers in the church, calling them by their names and exposing them. He did not tell the leaders to run away or give up. He showed ways to discipline them, when we may reveal in a future post.

In closing, I thought you would be amused and informed by this report from an old ettiquette manual:

Hannah Moore had a good way of managing tale-bearers. It is said that whenever she was told anything derogatory of another, her invariable reply was, "Come, we will go and ask if this is true." The effect was sometimes ludicrously painful. The tale-bearer was taken aback, stammered out a qualification, or begged that no notice might be taken of the statement. But the good lady was inexorable; off she took the scandalmonger to the scandalised, to make inquiry and compare accounts.  It is not very likely that anybody ever a second time ventured to repeat a gossipy story to Hannah Moore.

Clara Barton, the nurse who founded the American Red Cross in 1881, made it a rule never to hold on to resentment.  A friend once reminded her of a cruel incident some years previously, But Barton seemed not to recall it.

"Don't you remember the wrong that was done to you?"  
"No," Barton answered calmly. "I distinctly remember forgetting that."

While we are here to raise our families and enjoy them, we should, at the same time be alert to the tale-bearing that destroys our reputations, our friendships, our church fellowship and our businesses, and reject it, as Hannah Moore did.

Lev_19:16  Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour: I am the LORD.
Pro_11:13  A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.
Pro_18:8  The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
Pro_20:19  He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.
Pro_26:20  Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.
Pro_26:22  The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.

You can go to Printer Friendly on the left sidebar and print this post, or you can paste pertinent parts on a blank page and print it all off for your big green file  or red ( or pink or white, etc) notebook!


Christine said...

Dear Lydia,
Welcome home.. So glad to have you back safe and sound from your long journey, but all your posts whilst away were much enjoyed.
What a good article today! I think we all have been affected by "wolves" in one form or another. It is wise advice to consider that not everyone may have the best intentions for us, although it is contrary to what we ourselves can understand.
I have been the recipient of such gossip in the past, as well as taken in by the same, unfortunately.
This is very wise and helpful advice, which is certainly I plan to heed in future, and I look forward to your next piece on the subject in due course.

Lydia said...


I am glad to know you recognized the tactic of being taken in. Usually it is not possible to warn someone who has been influenced by slander and you have to wait til they wake up by themselves. I have seen tale-bearers get the sympathy of other people, but when someone warns these other people, they are rejected. So there are people who can learn by listening to wise counsel and observing the mistakes of others, and there are those the tale-bearer will take for a long ride before they wake up. In raising children, teach them to obey your words and to trust your judgement until their judgement is fully formed. There are many adults today who cannot distinguish a wolf from a sheep and allow a wolf to influence them and their children.

Anonymous said...

Lady Lydia, this is so good. I am going to search all the 'places' you helped with. Secondly...and off this topic...that second picture! Wow..!!! Lovely!!! Yes. As a homemaker of 30+ years, I find I must guard my home. But also, as a christian who has seen far too many churches fall because of divisiveness...I want to thank you for doing this research. So glad you are back home - that your travel was safe and that your dear husband has you back.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lydia,
I enjoyed this article greatly. I have often been slandered and tried my best to correct those who believed the lies they heard about me. You are right, it is the habit often times for the one who heard the gossip and lies to plug their ears to any explanation of truth. It only serves to make the slanderer look all the more convincing. I have learned to go happily on with Christ. He is the One Who knows the details in such situations. I can never change the heart of others in my own power. I have recently watched the Lord deal in powerful ways in the lives of 2 people who were very destructive to me over the years. He showed that He has the power to stop destructive people in their ways, He alone can defend His children. We can trust the Lord with our deepest sufferings and continue in the work He has called us to and simply allow Him to care for those who seek to destroy us. He is mighty to bring His deliverance in His own way.
Love, Shirley

Toni Marie said...

Thank you, dear Lydia, and welcome back. I am a first time commenter, and have just found your blog recently. What a strong and true teaching is this post. Matthew 10:16 addresses this very thing...we are taught to be as shrewd as snakes, but as innocent as doves...we just don't know how to live it in a practical manner. This post helps. And Hannah Moore's example is priceless! Please accept my sympathies on the loss of your mother; may the God of all comfort continue to comfort you. God bless you for the important work that you do.

Homemaker' said...

I LOVED the Hannah Moore story! Not only a wonderful idea for handling someone that might not be telling the truth, but also a good reminder for those who may take their words as truth and make trouble where none exists. Thank you so much, and welcome home. We really appreciate the beauty you bring to life. : )

Always Learning said...

Just this morning, I told another young woman who writes a blog that the majority of those commenting on her blog were trolls whose purpose is to kill, steal and destroy. I encouraged her to not spend any more time arguing with them since their purpose isn't to clarify but destroy God's message. I have been plagued with trolls since I began. I wrote a post about them here ~

I have since put all my comments on moderation and only allow those who have legitimate questions and/or speak words of life! It has made blogging SO much more enjoyable! Blessings to you.

Miriam said...

Good to hear you are safely back at home. I really did enjoy your posts, and I fully understand that you wanted to keep some things Private. I wish people would understand more the importance of 'fences' :-)

I don't know if this story is true, but I've heard it many times. It is a little bit off topic, but it is quite educational. A couple of girls were talking about their friend, who has announced her engagement, in a bus. They spoke all kind of general slander how she is not even beautiful and how horrible she is, and about her habits and so on. An older lady sat behind the girls and heard every word. She decided to give them a lecture of their lives. When she stood up to leave the bus, she said to the girls: Thank you for telling me all this. You don't know me, but I have also heard about the engagement. I am a friend of the groom's family. Now I can tell them what is going on. Thank you so much! And she was about to leave. Oh no, no, no! the girls shouted. Oh please, don't! We were just jealous, but we mean no harm for her!
Okay, said the older lady, but next time think twice what you speak!

J♥Yce Burrows said...

Good afternoon, Lydia! Am so glad your travel was safe and all went well ~ though due to the saddest of circumstances. Brought many thoughts of my own mother to mind in praying for you all; am grateful for that along with the beautiful posts you shared while away.

Would this be the source for the second picture you shared? So very pretty!

What a helpful post to take to heart whether on or offline; convicting and encouraging, both.

Hugs <3

Lydia said...

Oh thank you. But what a price, eh?

I will put the link up.

J♥Yce Burrows said...

You're welcome! Hopefully reduced pricing can be found elsewhere or happen on Amazon ~ :-)

Lydia said...

If people do a search for tea-for-one boxed sets they will find more affordable ones just as pretty.

amulbunny's random thoughts said...

Glad you're safely home. Did you fly the A380 from Australia to the States? Quite a difference in the weather from there to here.

I had to take my Mom via 911 to the ER on Tuesday. We were at a funeral for a dear dear friend, and Mom suddenly got ill. She's 90 and said you can just drive me to the hospital. I said with all the illnesses out there, you're going in the ambulance and not sitting in a waiting room for 8 hours (the average wait). For once she took my advice, at 61 I guess it can be trusted.

She was poked and prodded and they couldn't find anything. They think her BP got low and as such she had a panic attack and got ill.

I know Marge would have understood if she was still here, instead of in heaven.

As far as the trolls and bridges, that delete button is sure good.

BTW my husband got a Keurig for Christmas and I've found it so useful to have hot water in a minute. I take my tea bags and put them in a refillable cup, and then pour the water over them and the tea is ready in 3 minutes. If I want another cup I just run some more water over it. It's also got some good brands of flavored coffees, I love their French Vanilla Cappuccino.

Take your time putting things back together. It will wait.


Suzanne said...

Dear Lydia,
I found myself nodding my head through your entire post. I , too, have dealt with a troll on my blog. I actually do have a link on my homepage right on the top bar "Internet Trolls-Advice". Just a bit of wisdom I have gleaned while dealing with mine. I pray all those who try to stir up mischief will stop and use their God-given time wisely and to further the Kingdom!

living from glory to glory said...

Dear Lydia, I am thankful for this wise advice! As we all know that it is the enemy's purpose to divide us and to destroy others. I am also happy that you are exposing this tactic! I laughed over the lady saying lets go ask if this is true?
I also have been attacked and no matter, it hurts! But we need to realize that we have a calling and we must take care of our own homes and speak truth to others. Learning to quickly judge a person's motive is a wise gift.
I also think this is a culture and a generation that lies and has an appetite for death. It breaks my heart! But I must keep doing what the word tells us to do!
So glad you are home!
Blessings, Roxy

Linda said...

I am so thankful and happy that you are back home.

Alex said...

Sometimes when we return home after a long journey we can see things with fresh eyes and get inspiration for new
projects, in a addition to enjoying the comfort of homely familiarity.
I just returned myself from a shorter journey and noticed the front door needs painting before I even got in the house!
May there be peace and loveliness in your day.