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Recognition
by Franz Guler
Questions and Answers From a Collection of Emails
Q: Why don't you use pictures on your blog that are not Victorian? Do you ever post a broader collection of pictures, such as modern art or photographs of the current era?
A. I have had many email queries about this. The clothing of the past is one of my interests, just as other blogs and websites are reflections of the writer's personal passions, interests, hobbies and beliefs. I like the fabrics and I like the dignity of the clothing of both the men and the women. I like the contrasts between the masculine and the feminine appearances.
I believe there is a great deal of prejudice against the clothing and customs of past centuries, when in fact, the clothing was quite functional and comfortable to wear.
The pioneer period in many countries, including South Africa, New Zealand, Australia, Canada, Alaska, North and South America, various European countries; the time of settling a rough land and creating homes and cities, was all done during the time when women wore those dresses.
Before there were modern electric and plumbing conveniences; before the roads were paved and cars were driven, when life was a lot more difficult--before washing machines and dryers and vacuum cleaners, and before modern gardening tools and lawn mowers, women wore that clothing.
They wore that clothing to go on walks, picnics and mountain climbs. They wore it when they swept the floors and made the beds and washed the dishes. They wore it to church and they wore it when they traveled by train and later wore it in the new motor car invention. They wore those clothes as they walked on the sidewalks and entered the shops. Those who worked in the stores wore it when they served the customers. You can see it on old films, if you search.
Think about all this , and not with a fleeting thought, but ponder that for a long time and then reach a conclusion about the clothing that is more fair.
The Watchmaker
by Zuber
Q: What is the big deal about your rejection of feminism? Isn't it right that women be treated equally and have the same opportunities as men?
A: In general, there is nothing wrong with equal treatment, but I reject the movement that claims it gave it to women. It came from Jesus Christ, who elevated women to be equal spiritually. When they obey the gospel, they, like the men, have a place as citizens in the Lord's kingdom (the church; body) and the Bible says that in that kingdom there is neither male nor female, Jew nor Greek. There is in my mind only one kind of inequality, and it is the most tragic: those who are saved, and those who reject the Lord. Those who reject the Lord are in a very unequal position regarding their souls.
I believe the Lord gave women a wonderful role in life, and it is far greater than many moderns can fathom: that of guiding the home. There, they have a direct influence on the beliefs of the family members. If they homeschool, they have an even greater chance of instilling an understanding of God's Word and bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). Then, they will one day be able to reinforce the teachings of their parents and be an encouragement in return. This is something I have personally experienced.
This being explained, there is really no way a woman can possibly be equal to a man. Men have different abilities and different focus in life. To try to equal them would be a mistake because it would require the neglect of their home and their children, and even neglect of their husbands.
Opportunities abound for both men and women, but that does not mean we are obligated to pursue them. We must pursue the opportunities that are blessed and sanctioned by God, through His word.
Mother's Comfort
by George Sheridan Knowles
Q: Why are you against college for women?
A: There are really several answers to that questions. Firstly, I do not think college is necessary for everyone, even the men. To most, it is only an opportunity to get into debt at a young age, and have the burden of that debt well into their old age. Instead of giving the young people a bright future and success, it sets them up in failure immediately, so that they cannot start out their careers or their married life without the baggage of debt. When a couple marries, the woman almost immediately has to go to work in order to lighten the burden of that debt.
Next, colleges do not really have some secret, superior knowledge that cannot be obtained elsewhere. As I have explained in previous posts, the college system is archaic and out of date. While many people accuse me of "living in the past," I must say it is the belief in the college method of learning that is clinging to the past. College was invented to impart knowledge and training under masters who had the skills to pass on to the students. Books were often shared and college was a good source of libraries. Today, there are so many sources for knowledge and training.
College systems are out of date. The homeschoolers have it right: study can take place anywhere, and just because a number of students of the same age are sitting in a classroom with one teacher does not necessarily mean they are absorbing the information or that the teaching methods are effective. We can buy our own books and access the web, and also tap into the training that other people want to pass down. I believe the teacher-student ratio should be small; preferably one-on-one. The old apprenticeship method of learning from someone in a business is older than the college method, and will still work today, as it is so adaptable to any era.
Colleges, on the other hand, are sought for the prestige of the degree, which sometimes does not really help women, but instead, enslaves them, making it hard or impossible for them to be homemakers and to care for their children themselves.
Last, I believe that women can be better educated and not have their roles stripped from them by college and career, if they will stay home and watch their mothers, and do some reading and research, writing and creating from the resources available to them. Education at home has more freedom and less pressure. Women can create their own experiences and learn by doing. I find the homemakers online to be the most interesting and intelligent, stimulating women to talk to. Their lives are full of discovery, which they happily share on their blogs.
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The Sweet River
by Luke Fideles
Q: Why bother having posts that show how to do simple things like boil water or make sandwiches? That information can be found elsewhere on the web and in books and television shows.
A: It is true that any information on this blog can be found somewhere else. Homemakers around the world who study the Bible are aware of their responsiblity to their knowledge on to younger women and to edify each other. Any subject can be come factual, dry and cold when taught outside of the love of Christ. When you read a post about homemaking that has some warmth and heart and purpose planted in it, it gives you greater motivation and a higher and more refined reason for doing it. Otherwise, it is all just very materialistic. I always enjoy watching people who are really living the role of homemaking, do things. While there are many ways to find out how to do something, the impact of a life upon another life is a greater teacher.
Tea
by George Dunlop Leslie
Q: Why the emphasis on Tea, Afternoon Tea, Tea Time, and Tea Parties? Is this intelligent or worthwhile?
A: With all the stresses there are in the world, and all the things to worry about, do you ever just desire a place of peace where everything is pleasant and beautiful? Tea time is like going to a spa or a resort, without the expense and without any upheaval in your life. Tea cups that were barely used by the previous generation are sold for just a small amount in the thrift stores and Goodwill, so why not use them and create tea ceremonies to remember?
There is something about sitting down for tea and scones that evokes kind conversation and relaxation, which is something that is so needed to revive the senses and the body for the responsibilities at home. Women in past centuries had tea, and it produced many fine scenes and memories; some which were captured on canvas by the painters of the era. There is something good to be said of a people who valued beauty and sweetness, and Tea Time is one of those things that allows us to capture something lovely from the day. Taking tea helps us revive a time of innocence, and lifts our burdens.
Home, Sweet Home
by George Dunlop Leslie
Q: Why the emphasis on young women growing up at home and being homeschooled, and then staying home until they are married? Would not they benefit by the experience of being out on their own, fending for themselves?
A: This seems to be a sensitive subject for people, and my answers are always hard for them to take. My own observation is that, in spite of the picture that is painted for young women--a picture of freedom and happiness and lack of responsibility during the "single years" what others are not telling them (those who promote it) is the drastic loneliness, poverty and temptation that awaits them: things that will alter their lives forever and sometimes, disastrously.
They are not saying how there is reallly no fulfillment in that single life away from their families, and they are not telling how much other people will prey on them for various things. They will be sought after to be a roommate to someone who needs half the rent shared. They will be sought after by anyone that is selling anything, from insurance to cars to trips. They will be sought after as recipients of credit cards of all kinds. They will be sought after by cults and religions and false teachers. They are away from the protection and comforts of home, and they will become vulnerable to many things.
The fault is in assuming that leaving home, and that college, is for everyone. Not all young women will benefit from such an experience. For many, it is a dark, harrowing period in their lives in which no one cares whether they survive or not. It is a world devoid of love and acceptance, and some people cannot survive the emotional emptiness without their families, unless they succumb to the "ways of the world" to fill up the void.
Financially, leaving home can be a disaster, as rent takes up most, if not all, of a young person's salary. The cost of transportation and other living expenses can use up all their resources, until a young person may find that the parents are actually subsidizing the young person's life. I believe that people who think that sending a young person away from home to college or to work may be living in their own, idealistic dream world, where they believe their child will learn how to survive.Sometimes survival begins in the emotions, and taking them away from home is not always emotionally healthy for every young person in the world.
Our grandparents may have lived in a safer world and been able to send their sons and daughters to college or to work, or even on vacation by themselves, but the dynamics of the way things work in the world away from home have changed a lot. It is wrong to assume that every young woman will get along just fine away from home, grow more mature, and head off into a productive life that is meaningful. It just does not happen that way for everyone, no matter how the single life away from home is promoted .
The Pride of Dijon
by William John Hennesset
1839-1917
Q: I am someone who will never follow the role of womanhood the Bible speaks of, because it does not bring any security. A married woman has no freedom, no money and no security. Her talents are stifled and she has no education.
A: This is going to take a long time to answer. So, while you wait, please read what my readers have to say, in the comments. Ladies, please respond to this in all honesty.
A: I grew up observing many women at home, in an era when women did not go to work, nor did they want to. They all lived off the income provided by their husbands, and the men gladly provided it because it was a great source of pride and manliness to do that and because the loved their families and because it was their duty toward their families and to God. They believed the scriptures taught men to be providers and women to be guides and guards of the home. This system worked very well, and when there was occasionally a woman that went to work, he would "lose" her children, who became wild and unruly, lacking in structure and purpose, and got into trouble with the law.
That being said, there were not a lot of jobs available and preference was always given to the men, so that they could provide for their families. The mail service had a man driving a mail truck, and the buses were driven by men. I remember once when the man who drove the mail truck got sick, his wife took the route and delivered the mail for him. In those days that was allowed. And I remember the wife of the bus driver driving the bus when he got sick. But these women were not trying to prove a point or exemplify that they were equal or demanding any rights or power. They were doing what they had to do at the time, and they did not hang on to those jobs. Once the men got well , the wives expressed their relief: "I am sure glad he's back at work and I can get back to my own chores," they said.
I know that being home is not an indication that there is lack of income. In fact many women at home seem to prosper better. I can only say that even though the figures might not "add up" for some people (regarding the money and staying home) that God has his hand in it. Women at home are not living under a bridge, homeless, destitute or without support. Just because a woman does not work outside the home, does not mean she will have nothing. And, a lot of this has to do with the reasons for staying home, the motivation, and the spiritual aspects of it. A lot of it is based on faith, and showing that faith by staying under the authority of God and His Word, a concept that some people have a hard time accepting.
Below is a comment I received from an older woman who has experienced a lot of things as a homemaker. It ties in nicely with this question about the security of staying home.
Dear 'Someone',
However, consider the other side of the picture. There are many of us here who are older. We've seen much in our lives, made mistakes and learned from them. One thing we can tell you in all certainty is this...there is no security outside of God. Do you think that the thousands of people who cannot find jobs felt secure in their jobs at one time? Do you think that the thousands who have lost their homes through foreclosure felt that they would live in that dream home forever? What about all those college students who just knew that after getting their degrees that they would start off in their careers only to find themselves living at home because they can't find a position in their chosen field much less find work? Those who lost hard-earned money in the stock market? Those who married and find themselves divorced? Those who have lost a child? Nothing is secure.
Now, this is not to say that we stand still and do nothing because everything might fall apart! When we walk in obedience to what God has to say, we have a solid foundation, a Help in time of trouble, a true Friend. He has said through His servant, Paul, in the New Testament of the Bible and in the Jewish Torah, that the best place for a woman to be and to serve Him is in her home. He has also given us minds to use, and the gift of prayer as we seek His will for a husband. We have freedom to make a wise choice when picking a husband. You will look for someone who is Godly, kind, loving, strong, and a good provider. This is a great start. When you find someone like this, and God will bring you together, you will experience great joy!
I have been married for almost 37 years, and in that time I must say I have experienced greater freedom than I did when I was in the working world. I have the freedom to work or to rest, to visit or to volunteer, to study or to blog!
As for money, we are neither rich or poor, but we have taken what we had over the years, invested, saved, improved. People said it couldn't be done. It can!
As for talents being stifled, a woman has greater freedom of using her talents out of her home than she would in the workplace. At work she can only do what she's been hired to do, but at home she has her pick of anything she wants to do! There are a myriad of things she can do because she has the time and talent. Nothing goes to waste!
Lastly, you mentioned that a homemaker has no education. I beg to differ. She is free to access libraries or order books to increase her knowledge on thousands of different subjects. It is beneficial for her to be well educated. Feminists would have us believe that the homemaker is only home because that is all she knows how to do. Some of the smartest, most intelligent women I know are homemakers but they are avid readers, and some take classes online as I am doing now. We are not stupid. We are smart cookies! And yes, we can bake them too!
All of these things can be done, but the most wonderful, the most beautiful, the most satisfying is for a woman to oversee her home, being a vital presence and worker there. Her whole family is blessed, and she is in the will of God. If you read Proverbs 31 in the Bible, you will see how talented and hardworking that the virtuous woman is! I encourage you to seek God and do not be afraid of the future. Please don't listen to those who constantly spout fear. The enemy doesn't want women to be home because he knows how easy it is for a family to fall apart when the woman, the glue, is not there. He knows if he can get her to give her energies elsewhere that her husband will be lonely, the children will miss her presence and her guidance, and there will be turmoil and chaos. That is exactly what he wants and that is exactly what is happening all over the world.
God bless you, dear one. Please remain open to God's will in your life. It is such a happy, free, secure life in the Lord!
A: In response to this lovely letter, I would like to say that there are a lot of women who think nothing of counting the cost of buying a car on credit. If they were to add up the total amount it would cost them in the end, possibly long after the car is worn out, they would be frightened. If they were to try to find out if their job was guaranteed to be there for them the rest of their lives, they should become quite hesitant to take the job, since it is not really "secure." And they should not buy a house because they might lose it in hard times. There are plenty of things to be frightened of, yet these kinds of risks do not frighten them at all. They are more frightened of making a commitment to a husband and a home, thinking that it is not "secure." What is missing here is the quality of love and loyalty, and the skill of guiding and guarding the home so that it will be secure, which are things the older women should teach the younger women. Even without that knowledge, the simple act of trusting God and obeying His Word, goes a long way toward security at home.
Through the Garden Door
By George Sheridan Knowles
Q: Don't you know you are living in the past? Do you not realize that all those paintings represent women who were oppressed in their day? Their clothing was made by other people, who were poorly paid. To show these paintings is to deny the rights of women in the past. The clothing represents women who were rich, with nothing to do. The lower classed women were hard workers and they did not wear these clothes. A painting of a woman carrying water is just going into the past and telling us we should all go primitive and carry water instead of having modern homes. Those clothes also prevented women from really doing anything. This is the 21st century, and you need to face reality.
A: You can discover the truth about the clothing of the past by looking at the photographs of the 1800's. When the camera was invented, women were wearing the Victorian styles, all over the world. Yes, there was a difference between the quality of the garments of the rich and the poor. The rich were more likely to have specialized cloth in their garments, more embellishments, and more tailor-made. The poor often wore hand made skirts of homespun fabric, and made their own clothes. Revise history tells a terrible tale of woe, but if you actually look at the photographs and the paintings, you will see a different story.
I wrote in detail about this on a post called "The Old Ways or the Old Days,"
If you have photographs and diaries of your great grandmothers, you will also gain an insight into their lives at that time period. Like every single time-period that ever has been and ever will be, there are both good and bad elements. The Victorian period was not all bad. There was great progress made during that time, when women wore those things. Many new frontiers were discovered and pioneered. Hospitals, trains, sanitation, running water, electricity, and most of the conveniences we have to day were discovered by these people. It was also a time of great invention: the motor car, the sewing machine, the airplane, the elevator, the washing machine, and many more things were invented in that time.
As in any era, including our own, we must learn not to identify people by whether they are rich or poor, but by their character. No matter what their social condition, it is their spiritual condition we must be concerned about.
Q. From what I have seen and read here, I can conclude that you are living in the past, which means you are dragging a lot of women with you who could contribute something greater to the world.
A. More than one subject is covered in this question. 1. The Past, 2. Readers of this blog, 3. Contributing something to the world, 4. The world.
1. The Past: The past is what makes the present and the future. If you ride a bicycle, for transportation to school or college, or just for enjoyment, then "living in the past" could just as well be said of you. The bicycle dates back to the early 1800's, with some historians claiming that facsimiles of it appeared long before that. Look at all the things you use daily, and you will find that everything from the automobile to plumbing first existed long before this present era. The design of clothing is nothing modern, when you consider the way it was made in the past. Skirts are still skirts, and blouses are still blouses; suits are still suits, boots are still boots. For the most part, a house that functions as a home still has the basic elements of a home in ancient times: a living area where one may visit with seating arrangements (couches and tables have ancient beginnings. Just look at the photographs of those discovered in ancient volcanic ruins), and a kitchen area, a laundry and bathing area, doors, windows, gardens, yards.
Enjoying things from the past is a lot different than living in the past.
Q. If you do not believe in college for women, it means you are taking away a basic human freedom. We have come so far, in the west, and women now have equality with men. They should take advantage of a college education. They will never get anywhere in life without it.
A. The question of the cost of college and the debt it incurs has become a national scandal. Young people who are told that college provides a wonderful future for them, are in debt up to a hundred thousand dollars by the time they are finished. Some of them never get the jobs they hope their education is leading them to. Others have changes in plans and family issues. Many of these college loans are a trick. I have seen students apply for scholarships. They are told that in order to be applicable for those scholarships, they have to already be enrolled in the college of their choice. That enrollment takes money that they often do not have, but they often take the risk by borrowing, holding out hope that they will get a scholarship. I have seen students stuck in colleges because they have borrowed, and yet they find out they do not like the college or the programs. This goes entirely against the free enterprise system. College is a system of debt. They suck the customer in, and then the customer is stuck. If college were a pay-as-you go, per class, the student would be able to withdraw attendance if the courses did not suit his requirements, instead of forcing a student to make such a huge financial commitment.
As for college for girls: I have written about this on another page called "Get On In Life." This post shows the urgency of young women to marry, have children, and be homemakers. Their lives cannot be put on hold while they pursue a man-made course of study. If they feel they must study, let them study the art of homemaking, which is varied and interesting, scientific, and mathematical. There is such a variety to home life that it takes years and years to understand and manage it. That is why Titus 2 assigns the older women to teach the younger women. A college course could never cover all the experience of an older woman experienced in true homemaking.
A. First of all there is a false assumption that homemakers over the centuries never had money. That is simply not true. Most of them actually held the purse strings. Their husband's earned the money and handed it over to their wives to manage and pay bills. Homemakers also earned money through domestic endeavors of sewing, vegetable gardening, and many other things. In many cases they had substantial savings. Also through the care of the house and land, they create investment property that is worth a lot.
Assuming that the women at home are on some kind of public assistance is far from the truth. They are instrumental in teaching their children to avoid going on welfare and foods stamps, and are and always have been strong advocates of independent health care. They also teach nutrition and healthy living to their families. Besides all this, homemakers believe that people should be self-sufficient and not put burdens on the public, for their care.
Your statement about women in the past having lived unhappy lives: there are many women today who are not homemakers who are also unhappy, despite the fact they have high paying jobs. Happiness is a character problem, not a problem due to circumstances.
Your statement that many women would be treated better by men if they had better options is also something that is misunderstood. Hopefully women whose major job is the care of the home and family are doing so because of the teaching in the Bible that women should guide the home, guard the home and be keepers at home. If they are following the Bible, then their husbands have no right to mistreat them. Any husband that does, is not worthy of being called a husband, loses a great deal of his masculinity, and is not following the scriptural guidelines for men, including the command to love their wives and treat them with understanding. Her situation at home is a noble one, and even if she is sick and cannot keep house for a period of time, she is still needed at home.
One of the advantages of women being home is that they can care for their health. If they are working for someone else, they cannot take time off to rest or take care of themselves if they are not feeling well. Working outside the home obligates them to a rigid schedule daily and weekly and is not as flexible as being at home. They have more freedom at home and can pay more attention to nutrition and cleanliness and their own environment, which is conducive to good health.
You mentioned independence and self-respect. Those two things begin in the home, and are taught from the cradle. Children who are homeschooled are taught that the government does not owe them a job or welfare. They are more likely to create their own businesses, which enables them to hire other people who in turn can help their own families.
When women stay at home they are able to create the kind of beauty and order around them that suits their own tastes. Have a look at my blogroll and you'll see some women who are doing their best to make their homes wonderful places and yet do not require a huge income to do this. When I was growing up in the 1950's it was rare to find a woman who worked, unless she was unable to get married. Those who were not married would work until they met someone to marry, and then, they were very glad to quit work and go maintain a home for their husbands and children. Working outside the home is not the ideal thing for women.
Q: Not everyone was "good" in the historical past, nor were men and women so great back then.
A: I agree. We have a historical record of such scroundrels as Darwin, Freud, Keynes, Sanger, Marx, many world leaders including presidents and prime ministers. There were also social "movements" called Universalism, Utilitarianism, Socialism, and many more, which I have occasionally listed on posts and comments here.
(This is a continuing post. Please check back for more questions and answers.)
39 comments:
I share your love for the feminine clothing of old too :)
I love your blog just the way it is!! Reader since 2007.
Wonderfully refreshing post. You have expressed my thoughts perfectly. Have a lovely weekend.
I enjoy your blog the way it is. If others don't, they can look elsewhere or do their own blogs.
Personally, I love the art you use on your blog and have often wondered where you get it from.
I get a lot of it from allposters.com and when I find an artist I like, I type in the name and look for the biography, which usually comes up with more paintings on other sites. I give the names and dates with the paintings as a reference for anyone who wants to find them.
I fully believe that our blogs are our own and we should and can express however we feel on a subject. Just like other forms of info like papers or tv folks can take it or leave it. I am glad to find other women that have traditional values.
Greetings:
Well said, and I could not agree with you more! I love your blog and use it has my guide to read the other blogs that you have listed on the left side of your main page. Thank you for all the work you do in researching information and for taking the time to post your godly thoughts with us.
Blessings!
the paintings from the periods you post are real art....and I for one appreciate their beauty.
LM
I love the way you have answered these questions,I could'nt agree more.Men and Women should have equal rights,but cannot be equal in other ways as they are so different.I think we would do well to look at the past much more in the way of homemaking and dressing.
I always appreciate your posts and the wonderful way you explain the things many of us believe in. Thank you for your hard work and diligence.
I would like to add a word, if I might.
1 Cor 14:33, 'For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints'
This clearly speaks of what God requires of the church. But, He has also placed an order in creation and in life itself.
As it is, people, both Christians and non Christians, have rejected God's order, and we can see that sowing and reaping taking place in the world around us.
If we truly fear God, we will respect His order, and Him, and live only to bring glory to His name.
God bless.
May I say something?
1 Cor 14:33, 'For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints'
Whilst this scripture speaks concerning order in the church, we can see that God is a God of order and not confusion.
The world very much is confused, not knowing God, means not knowing what order things are supposed to be in.
Also, if God is not the author of confusion, guess who is?
When God's order is ignored, and we trample His word underfoot, we see the results in the world that we now see.
This scripture also tells us that God is the author of peace.
When we follow God's order, we will have peace, and bring glory to His name.
Take care and God bless.
I enjoy your blog and read it nearly every day. I appreciate your posts about tea time, dressing well, having a good attitude, and everything in-between.
Those who are not homemakers may have a more difficult time understanding some parts of your blog. Homemakers need this information and it is of tremendous value to us. If someone is have difficulty understanding aspects of your blog, they should live as a full time, dedicated homemaker for several months. That would eliminate much of their confusion.
If anyone is still confused after that, you provide excellent Biblical references to explain your beliefs, and they should make use of those.
I have been reading your post off and on for quite a while and I always find it to be refreshing and encouraging. It's such a sweet, gentle reminder to me to strive to be graceful and lovely in all things. It's difficult to find such encouragement anymore. Thank you for being lovely.
This is true. It is rarely as convincing to read something as it is to experience it or see it in action. Take a month at home to get it in order and maintain it, while making daily meals and working in the garden or sewing, or while looking after your own children, and you will discover some things as you go, that maybe no one has even written about. While it may seem "easier" to stay home, it requires some dedication and some personal determination and commitment, as well as creativity and a higher purpose than just the material aspects like cleaning and orderliness.
I come here throughout the day for a bit of peace and sanity during my hectic work day. You see, I fell for it. I thought I could do it all. I went to college and have loans to pay off. My "equality" is being yelled at, hung up on, and disrespected on a daily basis. Oh, had I known. What I wouldn't give for not hearing that alarm clock go off in the morning. To have leisure time to have a cup of coffee and Bible reading without feeling rushed. To spend time baking and making real dinners, to have a truly clean and organized house, instead of me hastily trying to get it all done Friday nights and Saturday morning. To dread Mondays so much that I have headaches, deal with nausea and literally *want to cry* when I think about how I spend 40-45 hours per week. Ladies, if you are home, you are blessed indeed.
Well answered! I love your blog. You have a beautiful spirit and it shines through your writings.
In your most recent comment, you said, "while it may seem "easier" to stay home, it requires some dedication and some personal determination and commitment, as well as creativity and a higher purpose than just the material aspects like cleaning and orderliness." I have to say how much I AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT!!! I have been a stay-at-home mom for the past 8 years, and it is so easy to lose focus and let the world determine my value and worth. When that happens, I lose my dedication and personal determination and I let the house get messy and I stop taking pride in my appearance. Eventually, of course, that leads to me lacking commitment and wanting to go off to work just because it feels "easier" and "more valuable." So far, I've been able to fight it off, but it feels like a losing battle sometimes. I think it's important to teach young girls and women to keep that determination alive, even when things aren't going as planned because it is a slippery slope if you let it go even a little.
I am enjoying your questions and answers and thankyou for sharing. But I do disagree in part with your views on collage/university. There is much that is taught at university that can not be learnt at home and certain occupations such as doctors, lawyers, teachers, nurses etc.. all need to have specialist skills and should never be undervalued and they are all necessary. I went to University and had a debt, which my husband and I pay off - however, we decided to pay up front for our son (and my brother in the US is paying up front for his 3 children) to avoid debt. It is our contribution to their very important education which in the long term with assist them in their careers.
As to the discussion of whether working or being at home is harder - I have been both, and both can be hard (demanding) at times, depending on the age of the child and number of children (and what previous skills a woman has been taught by her mother). However, I personally don't find being at home difficult - in fact I find it a breeze in comparison to what I do at work. However, other women may have different feelings and we need to respect each others viewpoints as we are not all the same.
I am quite a fan of Victorian art and have shared some of my favourites on my blog. I find the Victorian era interesting because of the vast differences between the rich and poor as Dickens has shares with us in his books.
I was raised by a feminist mother, who oddly enough, was a SAHM. I was one of those young ladies who was encouraged to get out and "fend for myself". It was a terrible time of my life. Only by the grace of God did I make it through that rough period of my life and finally find my way back home to raise my children. I do not want that kind of life for my daughter (much to my mother's dismay). She is being encouraged in keeping a home and taking care of children. She may take some college courses, as she is interested in Christian education, but it will be under our roof where she intends to stay until marriage or the Lord sends her into the mission field. This is the way she wants it.
Also, I think it is unrealistic to think that most parents can send their children to college and be debt free these days. Most are just trying to make ends meet.
Jane
I hope more women will comment about their working experience, single life experience and college experience and tell the truth about the bleakness and the uncertainty and even some of the things that are rarely exposed. A small town is much different than a city, and so many children go to cities to work, and find out that they are not making it. The advice given to young women about college and work and even the mission experience, is not always with the knowledge of what really happens inside their souls.
I enjoyed the answer you gave to the person who asked about girls staying home until marriage. You were absolutely right in the reasons you gave for a girl not venturing out alone at that time. My parents were of the mind that after high school, I should either go to school full time or get a job and move out. I did both (school part time, job part time) and moved out as they wished. It was a disaster! I was preyed upon by everyone, businesses and men alike. I spent many free hours between classes sitting in St. Phillips and praying as I felt so alone and frightened with no one to help. I finally became friends with people who I thought cared and in the end only wanted my money or anything else they could get. I hope that the mothers on your blog read that message and have a change of heart if they are thinking to send their daughters away to school or off to a long distance job. The daughters need the strength and security that only the family can provide and helps to keep people-users at bay.
You are 100% correct about what young women on their own go through. It is harrowing. Over two decades ago, I found myself alone in an apartment at age 18 because I had to leave home due to circumstances beyond my control. I was hungry and cold a lot, and very tired from working very long hours. My employer knew I had no one to protect me and took advantage by not paying me as much as other employees in a similiar position. I was passed over for raises and treated miserably but I could do nothing about it because I desperately needed the paycheck.
I had no luxuries and struggled to even get the basics. To do my laundry, I had to put it in a backpack and walk a mile to and from the laundramat. I had no car because I could not afford one as I had so many other expenses.
I could not do much wash that way and it would pile up in a closet. I remember friends who lived with their parents coming to visit and picking on me for the dirty clothes heap, but no one offered to drive me to clean them. They did not understand how hard my life was because they were safe at home with their parents. I lived in a bad part of town near a bar, and slept with a steak knife under my pillow, because I was so afraid.
When a young woman is hungry, cold, tired and lonely, she can make some very poor decisions. Looking back, I can see there were times I made decisions that were not safe at times, such as walking alone in the dark at night, and I am lucky to be alive... I could go on, but you get the idea. I longed for a family that wanted me at home, but I did not have that. I cannot understand how any young women who has a family that wants her at home would ever think she could do better out on her own! That just isn't the case and I would never want my own daughter to live as I did at 18!
LadyLydia I found the same experience many years ago. I am now safely married at home where I need to be and where there is no terror or uncertainty. My daughters are all raised to be homemakers to spare them that awful inbetween time of singleness where there really is no "fun" outside of the wordly concept of fun. I was sent away to work at the age of 17. There I wept the first day I was left in a large, unfamiliar city, and faced each day trying to be braver than the day before. But if you have no home to go to, there is only bleakness in each new day. There is hope at first, but it fades as a hardenning sets in when you realize people are not your friends, even the religious ones, and do not care for you the way your own family does. I asked to go home several times but my father was of the opinion there was nothing for me to do there, as it was a place where there were no jobs and no young men that might be suitors. So I stayed but the loneliness was terrible, and in those days you could not phone home (it was back in the early 1960's) as not everyone had phones. Sometimes my parents would come to see me and buy me dinner but when they left, I was always devastated and felt so alone. I had several sisters that were also working, but not in the same town. It was the way that people thought they ought to do things but as you say, it is not taking into consideration the condition it will create in the soul of the young woman. I had several close calls where I could have wound up dead, but the angels were working overtime and I got out. Finally I met someone who wanted to get married. He was not "exciting" but he was sincere, stable, kind and a hard worker. After 50 years we have had a wonderful marriage and I have never had to work, and neither have my daughters, who wisely married men that were determined that their wiveds would be home and homeschool and be dedicated to the home.
I love your answers. I moved out at the age of 24. I was blessed to have family support regarding direction and extra money if needed. What I was not prepared for was loneliness. It took me years to realize that a desire to stay home on the weekends was ok. It was alright to WANT to go to church on Sunday mornings. We live in a culture that glorifies this supposed free single existence. It is empty. Thankfully God gave me an amazing roommate who liked staying home on the weekends and going to church. I am now happily married. If I ever have a daughter I will raise to understand that a desire to be home is natural and a gift.
I have to say, as one who has been to college (I have both an undergraduate and advanced degree) and has worked in the world much of my young adult life, who, even as a Christian, did not live God's plan for a woman, being at home full-time (with all the daily duties that home and children require) has been by far better than the daily grind of working in the world! There was time, when I may not have had such enthusiasm as I do now. I love being home with my children, tending to this or that -- and training my children to do likewise! Best of all, I have a husband who has learned to appreciate having my at home full-time (he once was very much against it). Because I am the budget-maker, with the blessing of my husband, we are able to save for a great variety of things and are working our way to being debt free. I homeschool, having been in both the public and private education arenas, am grateful for the lack of issues we must correct or deal with because of the wrong peer or adult influences. I in no way feel restrained or hindered in my ability or freedom to pursue my interests. When I lack time to do something I desire, it is usually because I wasted time elsewhere or got involved in something that took a greater amount of time to do, not because I am hindered by tending my home or family. I am thankful that I have this opportunity and all the daily challenges and even the trials that come with interacting and training the precious souls God has blessed us with. Don't let the enemy feed you lies. If it is worth doing, it is worth doing all the way and well.
An assumption is often made that college suits everyone; a one-size-fits-all deal. Yet there are those young women who would rather be at home and do much better at home.
And careers: while it is nice to have money, a career is not the only source of money for a woman. She can be a homemaker and wisely handle the family income and double it through wise investing and good management. Families where the mother is at home are often the best givers at church and good supporters of church missions and are available to help.
Not everyone is suited to college, yet the colleges ARE businesses and operate on the belief that the student is the customer and they need those customers to pay to keep those systems going. So it is not just in the interest of the young people, as they claim. Knowledge is not limited to colleges.
My security comes from Jesus!! I have to first depend on God Almighty!!! Jesus told Peter to walk on water. I go against the prevailing culture which tells me to trust in things of this world. I love your blog and It was sad the women who wrote she couldn't follow the Bible.It reminds me of the parable of seed. It sounds like she may be the seed that got choked by the thorns.aka the cares of this world. Jesus please help this women to be freed of fear to freely follow You!!!!!!
(Part 1 of 3)I write now from a perspective of 50 years of age. When I was 18 I left home to attend a Christian college several states away. I had no life experience (I attended Christian boarding schools for all 4 years of high school) and no real idea of what "career" would suit me, and so my first year of college concluded and I found myself deeply in debt at age 19. My father did not believe in paying for my college tuition. That first year was very lonely and I felt frightened a lot, my roommate was unkind, and I had no money.
The next year I lived at home with my parents and attended a community college and worked part time for minimum wage. I was discouraged with my debt load, and still did not know what educational road to take.
My third year I reconnected with a guy friend from high school and thought I was in love with him, so I followed him to a Christian college in a state even further from home. I attended that college for one semester, and the expense was exorbitant, so I found myself even further in debt. I found a crummy part time job and found a room to live in as a companion to a weathly woman who wanted someone in her home while her husband was away on business. I was socially isolated and very lonely. The relationship with the guy became unhealthily intimate, and he was emotionally abusive, but I was so alone and he was my only lifeline. The next semester I went to a local beauty school. At the end of the semester, I packed my belongings and went home, broken in spirit, broken financially. I felt like a failure because I couldn't seem to "make it" on my own and had to keep going home to mom and dad.
I might add here that my parents did not teach me the needed skills to successfully survive on my own. I was not allowed to work until after I graduated from high school, my mom procured my first job for me...I was not taught good work habits...nor was I given any career counseling. I was never taught how to live on a budget, how to live on a schedule, how to develop housekeeping routines.
My fourth year I lived at home with mom and dad again, worked full time nights (11pm to 7am) as an aid at a nursing home and went to school from 8am to 1pm at the local community college. I did manage to graduate that spring with an Assiciate's Degree in general education. Which still did not prepare me for anything.
The following fall I moved in with my brother and his family in another state. Big mistake! But I found a job in a drapery workroom sewing curtains and drapes for a local interior designer, and I loved it! Within 6 months I had mastered everything in the workroom as it was my natural gift. But he pay was poor, I was struggling to pay rent and daily necessities even living in government assisted housing, and my student loans were due for payment, so I was forced to get a second job in a nursing home. Live was a real drudge, and I was still lonely. Church people were not very friendly. I did start a small business, fabricating for interior designers on my own, but I had no business training and no support, so I barely survived the six years I did that, and my debt load only deepened.
(Part 2 of 3)In time, I eventually met my future husband. He was a local boy, a Christian, but of a different faith than mine. I really only started dating him because I was so lonely. We soon developed an unhealthy physical relationship. After "dating" for 4 1/2 years, we finally married. I was not really in love with him. I liked him, and he was the best friend that I had at the time. I was 28, there were no other prospects on the horizon, and I didn't want to grow old alone. My Christian walk had grown cold by this time, and I had basically walked away from my faith.
I started back to school to become a registered nurse the week before we were married. I spent the next 4 years pursuing "job security", hoping to be able to support myself and any children who might be born to me were my husband to die unexpectedly. We incurred another $32,000 in debt in order for me to achieve this goal. After 5 years of a very stressful career (I worked with cancer patients) my health broke and I had two back surgeries and the doctor told me if I went back to work in a hospital again and messed my back up a third time, I would only have a 20% chance of recovery. My student loans were placed on hold and continued to accrue interest for the two years it took for me to recover and find another job. I spent the next 8 years working in Dr. offices at a much lower wage.
I battled infertility. God eventually and miraculously blessed us with a child through adoption, but even then I still had student loans to pay and needed to work, even though I desperately wanted to be at home with her. It was during this time that I began to learn of the Lord's plan for women to be keepers of the home and their children's teachers at home as well.
My husband and I have now been married 22 years. We have had many trials and a few times I didn't think our marriage would survive, but God is gracious. About 2 !/2 years ago, my husband and I were baptized into the same faith. Our miracle child is 9 years old, and I have been with her full time now for the past 5 years. About a year ago we made some huge sacrifices. My husband quit his job of 30 years. We cashed in our retirement funds and paid off the student loans. We sold our home, liquidated the mortgage, and bought an old 5th wheel for $3000. We moved to another state to look after my elderly parents. We are still in the process of working that out, and we have been through many trials in the process! But God is good, and He is faithful. When you make up your mind to obey Him, the evil one attacks from every side. But God has given us great and precious promises, and He always comes through. My husband has found employment at a job that he enjoys more than what he did the past 30 years. We are living (and homeschooling) full time in a 38' trailer. But we are debt-free.
(Part 3 of 3)I am FREE to be at home where I have always wanted to be. I use my gifts, talents and creativity in my job as a wife, homemaker, and homeschooling mother and I find it very stimulating and challenging. I am currently continuing my "professional" education by training to be a Medical Missionary via an online course. Trust me, you can learn waaaay more than you might think online! I am taking an refresher anatomy course via YouTube that is conducted by a delightful woman who had taught at Harvard and U of CA at Berkley. I am learning so much more in her class than I did at the local university so many years ago! You can learn all kinds of medical skills online and on YouTube. I am excited about this training far more than the 4 years of Nursing ed I took, because what I am learning is GOD's way of ministering to others, learning about and following the laws of health (diseases of all kinds are preventable!) and using natural remedies such as hydrotherapy and herbs. God's way of healing is available ALL people, regardless of social class, and is not expensive or harmful!!!
In conclusion, the statement "A married woman has no freedom, no money and no security. Her talents are stifled and she has no education" is simply a string of misconceptions. I have much more freedom now to do the things I want to do and that matter than I did when I was single and working, or even married with a career! Although we have made many financial sacrifices to get where we are today, it is an unbelievable feeling to be 100% debt free! And, I am learning to love minimalism, because stuff is stifling and weighs you down. Our house is on wheels...how much freer can you get? :) "Security" is an illusion, especially if one thinks money or an education bring it about. The only place we are "secure" is when we are sheltered under the wings of Jesus. But, one who doesn't know Jesus won't understand that. I use my talents every day and am constantly challenged to improve them! And I have constant access to higher education. I have internet, I have a wonderful local library, intralibrary loan services, and there are always local educational opportunities.
I am working to teach my daughter how to manage a household, manage a budget, create excellent work habits, learn how to learn anything she wants to learn about. It is possible to homeschool through college now!!! I am training her in the medical profession even now. I want her to have her family's support until she finds her calling as her husband's help meet. We provide opportunities, even now, for her to become acquainted with young men, in a healthy, family oriented environment way, so she will hopefully not make the mistakes my husband and I have. Pray for all of us who are raising children in this day and age!
As an added thought, my daughter's birthmother was sent to this country by her parents to work and send $$$ home to help support the family. Can you imagine her situation, to find herself in an unfamiliar land, city, culture and language, pregnant. (Her own father had left home years before to work in the US so he could send $$$ home, which I believe factored into some of her own poor choices.) But talk about lonely and frightened and vulnerable to those who would prey upon her!!!
Please, Let's stop this craziness now-- one home, one family, one daughter at a time!
Thanks for listening to my story. Blessings to all.
It always baffles me when home-makers say they don't get paid for what they do! I work very hard, but that enables my husband to bring home a good wage, and I get to enjoy using the good income he makes. We live in a beautiful home now, after years of this, but we didn't always.
In years that he didn't make a good income, we both worked hard to remedy that, but neither of us moved out of the intended sphere of our work. I worked at home on educating the kids, I lumped it, and sweated it, and suffered through it, and got rewarded for it. Who knows, we may be "abased" again someday, through no fault of our own. I will still be staying at home, working very hard, and expecting God to find a way to reward me some day.
If your husband is bringing in any reasonable income at all, how can you say you are not getting paid for what you do?
I agree with the concept of staying home no matter what. If you go to work "in an emergency" there will always be more "emergencies." And you will not experience toughing it out through trials. There is no story to tell, there. If women start rescuing men by going to work, they may actually make things worse.Stay home and manage the money and guard it and also build him up and make him proud of being the provider. No matter what the problems, I am going to be staying home.
College was supposed to be a great experience, but it was the pits, and a rip-off. During college, I was crying out to the Lord to show me something more - I really wanted to be a woman, not compete with men - though I was more than capable, that just didn't seem right to me, and I wasn't happy.
One day, I was at the Christian bookstore, and picked up Helen Andelin's Fascinating Womanhood. I could not believe it. I read it alongside of my Bible for many years. That was a gift from God.
Because I was already so far into my degree, I finished it, and have never used it since. I LOVED the science classes I took, but I hated the application classes that politiced the information I was learning - they were all wrong. It is true that you can take college-level classes on the internet - some for free. Just search "Harvard free degrees online", which we heard about recently on the radio. Even in homeschooling my kids, we can access great teachers and courses online, and occasionally purchase classes as well.
Women should enjoy studying anything they want, for the enjoyment or usefulness of it, but not for the purpose of taking themselves out of the home. Study should enrich the home - any area of study can do this, and all areas apply. Hard sciences, arts, language, history - all inform home-living.
But homemaking is hard work - don't entertain dreams of doing something else, that take you away from your daily reality. Work to make your daily reality better. That is HARD work, but well worth it.
I enjoyed following your suggestion to look up cleaning videos on youtube the other day. I spent a while doing that, and it gave me an answer for one of my cleaning problems I've been having for a long time. Refreshing! I often think of the words in your pink book on homemaking, about cleaning being a very important thing for people to do, and not beneath us at all. I have often felt that that was beneath me, since I am so well-educated, etc. : ) When we humble ourselves, then we do a good job, and can be proud of the lives we are enabling to thrive all around us.
I have found an older homemaking friend - the love and comfort just exudes out of her, and everywhere she goes, the women gather around her to talk. She is simple, and cute, and wears a head-covering, and a jeans-jumper most of the time. But all of these modern young moms gather around her for some nurturing. She is a good example, and everyone wants her advice on how she does things. She does not have a college degree. She is wise, and loves her family.
I am or used to work as a nurse. I have three children at home. They are a bit older 11, twins, and 15 now. I haven't worked for three years. When I was working as a nurse, I had nothing left to give at the end of the day for my family. My job was so stressful. I worked every other weekend and when I worked my husband would be grumpy because I wasn't at home. Yet he is the one who wanted me to work.
Finally I called him from work one day and told him I could no longer handle the stress and that this weekend was my last weekend to work.
I have been home ever since. We have always home schooled. Now that my kids are older I still don't see how working is a possibility and nor do I want to work. My children and I are always having deep discussions. When I worked I just had no energy left for them.
I was raised by a strong feminist family. Sort of a, "I am woman hear me roar." To this day they think I am foolish for not working and actually checking with my husband before agreeing to things. They men as mostly good to have around for home repairs. ;0)
One thing that the Lord has brought to mind is allowing our daughter to stay home until she is married. She does want to take a few classes at community college but nothing expensive. This is a huge turn in my own thinking. I remember as I was growing up thinking I never wanted to be a stay at home wife and mom, now I am even encouraging it for my daughter. I can't believe how satisfied I feel doing this "job."
BRAVO, LADY LYDIA! Your answers are honest and insightful.
There is quite a bit of wisdom in what you write. We are still paying the college bill for our child who did not finish college, and who is not using their college education in their current job. They have been out of school for 8 years and they do not make enough money to make the loan payment. We will most likely be paying for it for many years to come. Thankfully they did not continue for 4 full years or we would be paying until old age. This child chose a "Christian" college but I cannot honestly say that they were influenced for good either through the profs or the other students.
As a homemaker with grown children, my husband includes me in everything. He doesn't say "I make such and such a salary, he says WE. He does not make me feel like i have no say, no security, no importance, etc. On the contrary he is thankful for what I do at home, what it means for his comfort and convenience. We are able to afford some things we want to do because we don't have some of the expenses involved in having two working adults. I dont' know whether people are writing from true experience when they disagree with you, or whether they are bitter, or just writing what they think is the truth. But what you say lines up closer to reality.
Glad to see someone say it is "our" money. We heard our parents say that! "We" have such and such amount in the bank, "We" can't waste "our" money. Tthe husband promised in the wedding vows "All my worldly goods I thee endow" and that meant income, house, everything. Its hers too!
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