Thursday, November 08, 2007

Mature Audiences Only

As mentioned in a previous post, the younger women become older women, and take with them the habits they formed in their youth. Bad habits are very hard to shake, once they are formed, especially if they involve substances like drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. Young girls are full of fun and rebellion, wanting to relieve themselves of every stress, and turn to mindless occupations. To learn more about the effects of rebellion in youth, go to my blog for parents at
Immaturity takes the form of:
*Mocking everything that is good. This might be "cute" when you are young but translate it to old age and you get someting far more repugnant.
*Sarcasm. Young people today have a propensity to be sour on life, and when they get older, they are even more jaded.
*Drinking and partying. It might seem cool when you are young, to have a beer in your hand and a cigarette in your mouth, but just imagine what it looks like on the elderly.
*Not being a good steward of time. You may get away with unfinished projects and lateness when you are young, but it is a sign of immaturity if you are still doing it as an older women.
*Careless in dress and going unbathed. You might get away with it for awhile, especially if everyone at college is neglecting their appearance and going to school in their pyjamas, but it is more disgusting as you get older.
*Thinking that money is the answer to everything. Mature people are resourceful and do not use lack of money as an excuse.
*Pessimism. Old people who are negative and pessimistic and critical of everything, were once young people who developed these attitudes and cultivated them.
*Turning everything into an argument. Though this was once loftily labeled as "higher criticism," it is just immature rudeness. Skip ahead 50 years and imagine what you will be like as a critical, argumentive old lady.
*Naivity. It is not necessarily innocent to be naive. One is wise and the other is foolish. Naivity may be protected in your youth, but as an elderly person, naivity will rend you powerless.
I posted all this to let the young ones know that if you are not mature you will automatically misconstrue the Biblical teachings for women. Scoffing and simple mindedness is like being constantly drunk. Drunk people do not have good judgement. Who would pay attention to them? Only those who would restrain them. You are in training to be an older woman. I wrote about this several years ago on the Lady Lydia Speaks column at and mentioned that you are practicing to become an old woman with dignity or else you are putting into place habits that will make you an old lady that will never be regarded as having anything worthwhile wisdom to contribute to the young.
I do not think many people realize how much the older women are needed to be good examples. Though there may be no older women in your life that you desire for mentors, you'll just have to take control and start learning how to be one for the next generation. You can build a reputation of being smart and wise in all things regarding the roles of women.
One lesson to be learned is the art of visiting. An older person who wishes to call upon a younger person should first make an appointment. She should phone and find out when would be a good time to drop by. She can say, "I have a little something I'd like to give you. When would be a good time to drop by." She should prepare a gift bag with something in it for her home: maybe a scented candle, a set of measuring spoons, some jam or a new dish towel in her favorite motifs or colors. Fruit or vegetables from a farmer's market is nice, too. Flowers from your garden put in a jar that is hand decorated...sometimes I use a baby food jar and put a rose sticker or decal on it and "frost" it with clear glitter paint, tie with a bit of ribbon, and put fresh mint leaves in it . If there is no money to spare, she can make her something very simple--a batch of homemade cookies, some hand made cards or stationery.
The next thing she needs to know is that she must try not to over-stay. An hour, in my opinion is enough time. That way you won't use up her day and she will look forward to seeing you again. While I love visits, I find their are older women to whom time means nothing, and they will stay from noon til 6 in the evening and only leave when they see me starting to get dinner for my husband.
Another thing she needs to know about is conversation, and to be careful about subjects that would depress or cause anxiety. I find the easiest things to talk about are the things that seem to mean a lot to the young woman in her house, from decorations, collections, quilts, colors, or whatever you find. Also to inquire about how she has been and what she needs help with. Stay away from discussing all your health problems and your own family problems such as the daughter that doesn't speak to you anymore or the cousin that ran away with his boss's sister, leaving behind his wife and family. Don't criticize your husband. Be a cheerful as you can and leave on a high note.
Finally, she should be careful what she wears and not show up in shorts or something sloppy. I have an elderly friend that I never tire of seeing, because she always comes dressed up. I remember James MacArthur talking about his mother, actress Helen Hayes. He said that his mother was very dignified in her appearance, and in the later years when other actresses were showing up at the studio in jeans and sports shoes, Helen said she would not do it, and came "dressed to the nines." A young person can get away with being a bit more casual, but that casual, sloppy look has a terrible effect on an older person.
I am not yet an older person, but having found very few older women that would teach me, I began at the age of 21 to find out more about this role. The Bible seems to indicate that a woman was considered an "older woman" when she was past the age of 65. I wrote an article on the Guard the Home blog called "Doped Up and Dumbed Down; the Demise of the Older Generation." In it I showed how the older people were under doctor's care and most were given pills, disabling their thinking processes so that they could not teach as they should. They sit in front of television sets and feed on what the liberal media is dishing out. They cannot be counted on to give sound counsel. It is best to care for your health as young person and not get dependent on chemicals if you want to be an effective older person.
It is somewhat difficult to explain the feeling I get when I realize that though there are people in the 60's, 70',s 80's and 90's ahead of me who cannot be trusted to give sound counsel and guidance to the younger generation. It is a terrible waste, but a waste that could be prevented if young people would prepare for their old age more carefully. The older people should be running city hall and the government, and we should not be so youth driven. However, we are losing our elderly due to the many vices they practiced in their youth. You will not be a robust, healthy elderly person if you smoke, drink, stay up all night, eat junk food, take drugs and medication (which wears down your internal organs and cause side effects), have a bad attitude, and in general think that life sucks. YOur habits NOW determine your future.


Dianna said...

Thanks you! As a younger woman, I was recently shocked to meet a couple of older women who act like teenagers in an orchestra I play in. They make jokes about the conductor behind his back and say flippant things to him during rehearsals. Their behavior, I think, is not becoming to their gray hair. I hope that I can learn to grow old gracefully so that I need not behave like they do! Their behavior was a wake-up call to me. Thanks for your article; it helped me to realize exactly what was wrong with the situations I've seen.

Unknown said...

Thank you for such a wonderful post! I know that the woman I will be when I am a lady of a "certain age" will be determined by what I practice today. I will print this to look at daily :)

Anonymous said...

Great post! This is a good list to look at over and over. The visitor you described would be most welcome anywhere and actually made me think of royalty. We are daughters of the King and should behave as such.

Mrs.E said...

Wisdom from our elder's is so very important. I can't tell you the number of young people who I see walking around with such horrible manners and vocabulary (as well as adults of course).I know it is wrong to judge and I do my best not to because I know that it is probably not their fault. Maybe they didn't get the guidance at home that they should have. Maybe their elders did not have appropriate values themselves. But I understand what you are saying. Without proper consious decision making and self presentation, where does that leave us?

I think a great idea would be that maybe it should be mandatory to send young people (the younger the better) to a class of some sort where they are taught said values because this society is running low on valued adults. Of course there are many who do live lives on the right path and thank goodness for that but we definitely have plenty others who would benefit from such education.

Thank you for such a wonderful topic.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lydia,

Your posts of late have truly done my heart good! Believe me when I say that ladies in their 40s and 50s need all the encouragement they can get to remain steadfast in their efforts to dress and conduct themselves in a polite and dignified manner, not only for the sake of our own families but in order to set a good example for the younger ladies as well.

I, too, have encountered the elderly women who have very little empathy for those of us who prefer to dress like ladies and remain at home under our husband's God-given authority. As you have pointed out, these women benefitted from being able to stay at home and raise their families at a time when all of society believed that was the logical thing to do, but now, many seem to have fallen into lockstep with popular culture and feminism, deriding those young mothers who are trying to live Godly lives as keepers and mothers at home. I am mystified as to why these elderly women, who should know better, have become so bitter and unhelpful regarding their granddaughter's generation?

Thank you so much for bringing these points to our attention! I appreciate the way you are able to articulate the problems we ladies are facing and, at the same time, give thoughtful recommendations for a remedy.

Kind regards from,

Susan T.

CM said...

Wow! Thank You for the convicting article! I'm going to print this one out and refer to it often.

The Proverbs Wife said...

This is such a wondeful post. My Mother-in-Love is just the type of hospitable women you describe in your post. She is always dressed and and smelling wondeful when she comes to visit. She always comes bearing gifts whether it be fruit or something for our home. I glean alot from her and really appreciate her. She visits with her friends and neighors weekly and is always sharing her knowledge of homamaking.

Anonymous said...

When I grew up you would not think of bringing disgrace to your family, your church or your country. It is a standard with which we were taught to live. It just was not done. So with that in mind that alone helped you from delving into things you know you should not. Also I heard a preacher ask ...If Christ came to visit in your home would he be comfortable with what he saw there {and would you be comfortable with him seeing your home?} and that included what you would be wearing and doing and acting like. To this day with all my relatives gone they, my church, and my country are still something I would not want to bring any disgrace apon. I wish I could write as beautifully as you do on subjects and convey more understnding on it but this is the best I can do. I just cannot believe how far we have come in my lifetime from the respect for our elders {because they deserved it} and the love and pride, and devotion to our country and the foundation of church and God. It brings me to tears every time. I think your latest article at LAF is excellent and brings hope and sound things we can all do to better tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

thank you for this. I've loved reading your recent articles on older women and how the younger women should prepare to teach what they have learned. I hope to someday be an older lady who can teach young ladies well. There are so many girls at my school I would love to share this article with; perhaps if they were to realize how the decisions they make now not only affect their own future, but the future of those looking up to them, perhaps they would rethink their weekend schedules. I think maturity is something lacking in many generations, from my high-school classes to those well out of school. I find it somewhat ironic, actually, that so many young ladies are trying to act older and more mature on the outside, while inside they're staying too young, too long.

God bless,

Lydia said...

You are welcome to copy it and put it in a notebook. You can buy copy paper that already has holes in it for a ring binder.

Anonymous said...

Dearest lady Lydia,

This is standard behaviour amongst many older Australian men and women - particularly those in public life (be it the media, sports, current affairs, popular social commentary, academia etc). The worst offenders are the (with all due respect to the fine English ladies who contribute to and read this Blog) older British women. I've a friend of my family who acts in the same manner you've mentioned, is past 60, was raised a God-fearing Christian but rejected it in her early 20's for a more liberal life when arriving here) and scoffs at those of us who try to live our lives in a more dignified manner with harsh comments like 'you're not normal' etc. This type of behaviour is disgraceful. her children (also with very loose and nominal Christian upbringing) are going the same way. it's all through most of my family as well.

Regarding the medicating of our older generation, all but three of us in Bible study are elderly and all suffering with numerous ailments, medicated and very ill (many of whom have never drunk or smoked in their lives). heart disease, hypertension, type II is very sad.

Let us here be the new benchmarks in a world crying out for good, Godly examples.

As I inch ever closer to my middling years, I pray I conduct myself in a way not only becoming a Christian woman but also can be a witness even without words to those around me. Flippant talk is commonplace among people in their 50's, 60's and is man'bashing. I don't join in but defend my husband. They try and bring me in but realising it's futile, drop it. The cynacism, sarcasm, bitterness, contempt for Christianity especially and contempt for authority is entrenched in these generations right through my family and my husband's family. jest or not, how can they in all good conscience speak of their husbands in such tones in front of their faces and in company? I can but pray they all come back to the knowledge of God they were raised with but actively rejected and rebelled against.

Ascedia, Christian ascedia to be exact (along with generous scoopfuls of mesandry) seem to be the order of the day...and have been for the past 50 years. They claim the 60's liberated them from the opressive shackles of duty to and respect for government, church, family and authority, blaming things like vietnam and greed for their turning away. if they but knew the programme spelled out in your LAF article, they would not have thrown out anything but stuck by their guns even more, closing ranks as one in Christ, for the family and supporting fair leaders with Christian conscience over foul.

Oh, and any young lady considering tattoos, over time, the sharp crisp lines blur and smeer, the dyes and pigments fade and combined with the natural ageing of the skin, you will wind up with an unsightly amorphous mess. Even today tattoo removal treatment is costly, time-consuming, painful and mediocre at best. As for piercing, if you want to lose your teeth in later years, go ahead, pierce your tongue. if you want to invite infection, the formation of nasty scarring and cists, pierce your body and if you want to have a truly miserable time of it when you've got a cold, pierce your nose. It's ironic that European missionaries sent to Africa in the 19th century and early 20th century brought the Gospel and counsels upon good living to the nationals of those lands who are now themselves sent as missionaries to Europe, the US, Canada, Australia etc counselling against the very things they were counselled against a century ago - often shocked to speechlessness over the way the 'Christian'? west has fallen.

Our bodies are the temples of the living God! Do we want to be good tennants or bad tennants? Just a thought. Andd, as ambassedors and royalty (each one of us is a child of the King, hence an heir and a princess (the ocasional gentleman reader of course a prince) do we want to bring honour or dishonour to our King and Kingdom?


mrs. E.

Karen said...

Another wonderful article, thank you. I keep coming back to this blog because you are the only one I know who can write with Conviction but without Condemnation!

I enjoy learning about how to age gracefully and with wisdom. There is nothing wrong with getting older! But our media is so youth-oriented. We have to stop plugging into the media and start plugging into the Scriptures.

Anonymous said...


I read your comment and appreciate what you said. I turned 40 in 2006. I'm the same age as N.O.W. I grew up with a mother who has gone through all kinds of change, from traditional homemaker to divorced working mother and now remarried, part-time office assistant (she's really more like the office mom - takes care of everything and everyone from the plants to the highest paid real estate agent) but mostly keeper at home. She seems to understand the value of that, having lived through both worlds. I really respect her decisions.

What I'm amazed by is how much has changed in just my lifetime. In school, we used to do Christmas plays without fear of the ACLU. Common story books had a moral element rather than a political agenda. Things changed dramatically over my schooling years. We went from being able to say the "Pledge," to hearing noise about "under God," and then not saying it anymore. The school used to allow evangelists who handed out small New Testament Bibles out. Then, one year, they weren't allowed to come anymore. The reason? If we allow those men access to the student body, we have to allow Satanists to come in. My Fellowship of Christian Athletes group was no longer allowed to advertise meetings, so we relied on word of mouth. Eventually, the group died out. Score one point to the Marxists. Planned Parenthood was in charge of our sex-ed program. Fortunately, we had a teacher who absolutely preached abstinence, though we were all more interested in the act and how to prevent pregnancy - this was before AIDS was discovered.

By the time I entered college (because I was mandated to go to college even though I was nowhere near prepared and was scared to death and REALLY REALLY wanted to stay home for awhile), I was a mess. I hated college. If you have even a sliver of a moral upbringing, you lose it all in that environment. I remember good Christian friends getting drunk at parties, skipping classes, and sleeping over with their boyfriends. These were girls from good families, but, when you're in the devil's den, there's only so much resistance you can put up. Some friends went back home to live with their parents. They were considered weak. When you don't really know who you are, that's the last place you need to be.

Anyway, I had a conversation with my mom recently about how much has changed and how much I used to take for granted but can't anymore. I pre-screen any fiction books my children check out from the library, because you never know if there's an agenda or not. So much current children's literature is just a waste of paper. There's nothing to it - no story, no substance, no morality, not even pretty pictures. Just ink on paper and nothing more. Useless, soulless, and boring. Just imagine the timelessness of a book entitled, "Captain Underpants and the Big, Bad Battle of the Bionic Booger Boy, Part 1: The Night of the Nasty Nostril Nuggets." My son's friend checked this out from his school library a couple of weeks ago. Need I say more?

I'm sorry, I could go on and on, but I won't. I'm just so grateful for ladies like you. I can't find you in the real world, but I'm sure glad I found you in the virtual one. God bless all of you!


Mrs. Anna T said...

Indeed, when I look at all the young women today, poorly dressed, with tattoos and piercings, speaking unpleasantly, smoking and drinking, I can't help but think how ridiculous it will all look when they are older, not even too old - say, in their 50's. Old habits die hard.

Grafted Branch said...

I'm just "surfing around" and must say that this post was a blessing to read! I plan to come back and read it again.

Tan said...

Great post Lady Lydia,
Mrs E, how about a blog? Id love to read it.

Tan said...

Australian Mrs E :)

Unknown said...

This was a wonderful post and so needed in today's society. I will be sharing it with many!

~~Deby said...

Excellant post....I love when I meet a gracious woman, no matter what age......the other seems so foolish...

Anonymous said...

I think that God will raise up a standard for the young people. Blogs like these help to do that, and our influence in our own homes and churches is of paramount importance. We need to pray for the young people and try to help them in whatever way we can.

We must never tire of talking to our children about what is good and right and true. I believe that if we share our values with them every day and live them consistently before them, we will impart these good values to the next generation.

None of us has an ideal life; sometimes those closest to us may not see the value in trying to guard the home, but we must do what we can and not tire of doing good. There have been times when I have been so discouraged, feeling as though Satan was laughing with derision as he systematically tore down whatever I tried to build to God's glory. I have wanted to give up so many times, but then I remember that God doesn't ask me to be successful, He asks me to be obedient. I keep showing up, therefore, and rebuild every day. Maybe Satan will give up before I do. I like to think of myself as being the last one standing.

So I would urge all of us to do the same. Honor God in everything, guard your home, love one another and keep on doing what you know is right. If all you can do some days is pray the Name of Jesus and put a simple hot meal on the table, then know you have done a good, useful thing.

Thanks, Lydia, again for writing with wisdom for us all.

Anonymous said...

Hi Lady Lydia

Just to let you know that there is a BBC adaption of Mrs Gaskell's "Cranford" on next Sunday on BBC1. People in the USA may be able to get the adaption on PBS soon, I should think.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to say that everyone is an "older woman". I'm sure there is always someone younger than you that you can be a godly influence on. My 16 yr. old granddaughter is a very positive and godly influence on her two younger sisters and younger girls at church. Then the young married women are good influences on her and so it goes on and on. At any age we never know who is watching us and how we are effecting the household of God.
My own personal opinion is that the ultimate fault lies with the church...that's you and me. We are willing to listen to half-truths and "glossings" from the pulpit and even like them a bit because they excuse us of our own favorite little sins. Until we are all truly willing to live like the "bride of Christ" young and old alike will be an embarrassment. If we truly love the Lord with our whole hearts and teach our children to do the same then we can make real change if only in our own families.
I am so blessed to belong to a Bible believing and teaching church, not a perfect church,(I go there)but one where the things you talk about in your blog really are a normal part of our lives. Our motto is "Raising a godly people one generation at a time". We need to pray for one another and hold one another up so that we have the strength to stand in the world but for our Lord Jesus Christ.
Gob bless you Lady Lydia for the time and thought and hours in prayer to be able to call us all to "arms" as christian soldiers.

bran said...

Enjoyed this post so much. Lots of wisdom to heed.

Mary said...

As a 55 year old woman, this was a very good reminder. Ladies old enough to be my mother smile and smirk when I wear a dress or skirt from time to time. There is a 95 year old lady in town who frequently wears dresses and gets made fun of by the other old women. This is so sad.

I am of the baby-boom generation --the generation that never grew up. Our country is so youth oriented. We are ashamed of being older, and feel like we have to act like the young.

However, none of us can totally escape being a product of our culture. We have to be careful that we are not totally taken over by it.

On the other hand, perhaps due to the continuing youth culture, I have a very hard time mentoring younger ladies. They know everything and resent anybody, especially an older person, saying anything.

We all think older women should teach younger women, as long as WE get to be the older women! I still need some mentoring at my age, and value the more elderly women with grown children and grandchildren.

Very, very good post, Lady Lydia. I'll remember it.

Lydia said...


If you will write me personally I would be glad to talk more about it.