Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Born at Home


Many babies are born at home these days, and it is good to see the midwives back in business, after being absent from our society for decades. Our daughter is having her third child at home any day now, and I must say how impressed I have been with the confidence and professionalism of the women who assist in these births. The atmosphere is so wonderfully peaceful and calm. Everything is at ease.

There is one need, however, that I think the childless women or the older women without children, could fulfill at such occasions.

When children are born in hospitals, visitors naturally have to walk past the wonderful gift shop which presents all manner of irresistable gifts for the new mother. I remember that someone bought me a beautiful, large pink ceramic baby carriage (old fashioned pram) filled with pink rosebuds. I treasured it for a long time til I broke it. I certainly wish I had it back now. My room was filled with flowers in interesting vases and personal things like bath products in collectible containers.

Because the baby is born at home, visitors are less likely to intrude. It is not as public a place as a hospital. Women who are able, could perhaps make it a point to see that the new mother at home can get some flowers and gifts just like the ladies in the hospital. It is easy to overlook this because you aren't walking past a gift shop on the way to the room where the baby is!!

Another service would be hair and makeup. We never had any success finding a hairdresser that would come to the house and style my daughter's hair, nor someone who would come and do her hands and nails and give her a facial. She was really worn out from the delivery and in a few days expressed a need for something like this. She and many other new moms said they just felt washed out and tired and not very perky, and that the hair, the facial, the hands, really needed a makeover.

Perhaps also some really good food attractively arranged, to keep her blood sugar up, would be helpful. The new mothers sometimes experience depression and it is largely almost 100 percent due to low blood sugar, which can be easily alleviated by good, dense, high calorie comfort foods that will stick to the ribs, so to speak. They must eat often, if not constantly. A big bowl of really good fresh fruit and some vegetables and dip, as well as lots of good things to drink--maybe some herbal tea in a special teapot and cup that is presented to the new mother.

Sometimes when a baby is born at home, people assume that the mother will have everything she needs, but it is easy to neglect and overlook things. For example, in a hospital, a shift of people will share in looking after her needs--making sure she has a shower and the baby is looked after, or getting her meals, keeping the laundry caught up, and looking after the other children. There is a houskeeping crew that changes the bedding, a meal crew that brings food and takes away the empties, a nurse that checks her vitals, etc. However, in the home, these tasks sometimes fall to both mothers, and usually one mother has to go home after a few days, so it can be quite a hectic time for the husband and the mother or mil. That is where other women come in. Their help is so needed and appreciated at this time.

One other thing that would be very helpful is a baby basket, with all the needs of a newborn in it. Although women have baby showers these days, they often wait until after the baby is born. The newborn needs a couple of outfits to wear while it is waiting for its baby shower. Babies go through half a dozen outfits a day sometimes, and there can never be too few things for them to wear. Also, care should be given to see that the clothing is either 100% cotton and of high quality, or a natural fibre, so that it does not cause a heat rash or some allergic reaction.

If you know of any good baby products, be sure to show us where they are, in your comments.

57 comments:

Shannon said...

Lady Lydia,

What wonderful ideas. The state I live in midwives are illegal (can you believe it!) so home births are not very common. I know women who go to nearby states where the practice is legal.

The ideas are great for even moms and babies born in the hospital.

As a side note Mary Kay consultants will come and do facials. The catch is however, they legally cannot touch faces because of liability. I do know some who have taken out insurance so they can indeed touch faces. There are consultants worldwide.

Lady Lydia Speaks said...

Then maybe what is needed is a friend who will do hair and nails, facials, etc. without representing a company. This is more reason for young women to know a few things about this!

Anonymous said...

Lady Lydia,
What midwife will your daughter be using? I can't really find any information on the specifics of home birth and locating a midwife. Do you know of where I can find any?
Blessings,
Bethany

Roxie Morrow said...

My second daughter was delivered by a mid-wife. When we heard the option was available, we jumped at the chance. Such a great experience.
What great advice for new mothers giving birth at home. Next person I know who has a baby at home, I am going straight over there to give her a facial and paint her nails.
Thanks again Lydia for another great post today.

Mrs.Julie_B said...

I was also thinking what about a lovely set of pretty sheets for the bed as she recovers and rests after the birth. Even a lovely hand embroidered set of pillow cases

Carmen said...

I was thinking....What a great opprotunity for younger women (homeschool upper highschool or college age) to be a Mother's helper! All to often it would be nice to have someone in this age group to come along side to help out with light meal, light house keeping, and to do small runs to the store just before a baby is born as well as after.......a mother's helper would be priceless!

Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D. said...

Hi Lydia,

Thanks for the great ideas. Fortunately midwives are used in my area, even by some local hospitals.

I'm going to share your idea about gift baskets with the readers of my blog since they are gift basket designers and retailers.

Lady Lydia Speaks said...

Just type in "Midwives in (your city and state) and see what comes up. That is the way to find them. Some will not be online, but you can find out who they are by asking someone who has a midwife.

I know one woman who has had all 5 of her children at home, and another that has had 4 at home. They both say they much prefer it to the hospital, but still get left out when it comes to really being treated like royalty. Another thought is to have something delivered to the home--a gift, flowers, gourmet food, etc.

Lady Lydia Speaks said...

Maybe there should be a "First Day" gift basket or "delivery" gift basket with everything she will need on the first day. It is possible most home delivery moms have all that stuff, but in my experience it is usually scattered and hard to collect for that last minute need. Hooray for the lady who mentioned a sheet set. This is something that is changed after the delivery, and it is so refreshing to have a nice clean, and new set of sheets. Also, during home birth, received blankets are used in hoardes! They go through a pile of them in an hour and many of them get soiled so it is good to have lots of them. The midwife warms them on a heating pad and just peels off one at a time to wrap the baby it and keep it warm.

Anonymous said...

How timely! In an hour and a half, my husband and I will be going to have an ultrasound to see our baby's face for the first time. (How amazing is that?)

Thank you for pointing out about the correlation between postpartum depression and blood sugar. Hypoglycemia being a longtime problem of mine (I've actually hit insulin shock a few times by natural means), I will certainly now be able to stay on top of it. The question is, though...do I go high-sucrose, or do I try to do the "natural sugar" thing? There's only so much fruit I can afford.

I'm planning to ask the doctor on my next prenatal about midwives in this town. Our insurance will pay for it so long as the midwife is licensed! (The representative I spoke with on a different issue volunteered that information, btw.)

Mrs. Bartlett

Lady Lydia Speaks said...

Midwives now work in the birthing at the hospitals. There are different types of midwives. Some are licensed with hospitals, others are private but licensed with the medical board, and others are called lay-midwives.

Anonymous said...

I love this site! This is my first comment to a blog too.

A friend of mine had her 5th baby at home and said it was a wonderful experience.

I had a midwife for my 2nd birth (just over 2 months ago) but at a hospital. I think our next baby may be a homebirth as my labor was pretty easy and fast (amazing compared to my first with an inducement, epidural, and medically minded OB- which was horrible and traumatic). The worst thing about my last birth was the car ride, and I felt so good, I didn't feel like 'recuperation' in the hospital was needed. Although my husband says that's even more reason to stay in the hospital where I couldn't do much of anything.

Having someone visit with treats, help, etc, could help these homebirth mommies keep from overdoing things at home.

Amy

Anonymous said...

I am in the UK and have yet to homebirth, (all four times so far I was made to go into the hospital for different reasons, but did leave it until the latest moment I could. Number three popped out minutes after I got into the room!)
Anyway, my favourite baby thing has been a sling/ carrier - I have just started an online store for baby products that have helped my parenting life and my friends'. I'm working from home. The sling (and ergo back carrier)is the most practical thing that has made homeschooling and staying connected to my children possible throughout.
Not to mention the fact that cleaning seems impossible once you have a child, and the baby carriers mean that you just take baby around the house with you! I have prepared so many meals with a bigger baby on my back, or a smaller one tucked in against my heart!
Anyway, as we're in the UK, I don't think we will be useful to any readers, but if you want to see our baby company it is
www.ekernel.co.uk
The hug a bub is a very secure carrier, ( we hope to stock it in the new year) or the moby is a cheaper version. They take a little time to get used to, but then you can hike, wipe older siblings' bottoms, vacuum and pray - all with your little one close and your hands free. Not all at the same time though necessarily, of course!
And when they are a bit bigger, say when they start to crawl and swipe out to grab, then the ergo becomes the best thing to have with you at all times.
www.peppermint.com used to have a lot of slings and info on the differences. Maybe someone else can recommend a good site in the States?
Anyway, best wishes and prayers for the birth to go smoothly.
It's so exciting to have a new arrival!

Kate, UK.

Anonymous said...

And thank you for this uplifting site, and so many pretty pictures!
Kate

Lady Lydia Speaks said...

Yes, a sling, as well as a comfortable shaped nursing pillow are really really needed in the case of the new mother. Even if she has had children before, most of these things are very, very worn out and she needs new things.

Esther said...

Thanks you so much for your wonderful site you are an inspriration.
I'm expecting my fourth baby in June and this will be my fourth homebirth. They are wonderful experiences, so calm and warm. Not sterile and unpersonal. What I think would be wonderful after the birth is a homemade rice heating pad for the after pains. They are portable and have to weight to them so they would probably feel pretty soothing. Also books or puzzles for the older children to entertain them for a few minutes. Baked goods are also a much appreciated gift.
Thanks so all you do, Esther

Milehimama said...

When my 5tth child was born, a wise mother from my church came over with lunch on the first day my husband was to go back to work. She prepared lunch for her children and my children (9 kids under age 6!), brought me a cheesecake plus a dinner that could be put in the freezer, and brought a small, but busy and not messy, craft activity for the kids. And I took a nap while she did it!
The other best gift I received, was pizza money. By the time you have 4 or 5 infants, I had many receiving blankets, booties, etc. and had made a coming home outfit myself - but that pizza money was priceless! The giver wrapped it around the handle of a pizza cutter and included advertisements and phone numbers for the places nearby.

Tori's Mimi said...

Lady Lydia,
I really enjoy your blog. It is so helpful and uplifting.
I also wanted to reply to Mrs. Bartlett. We have two children, one of them grown and married, who are Hypoglycemic and we have always used a tablespoon of honey to level out the blood sugar. Also a good multivitamin with chromium picolinate in it is very helpful.
Denise

Lady Lydia Speaks said...

Sweet Necessi-Teas
your blog is really inspiring, and I like the tea apron. It is nice to match the apron with the table cloth and dishes! All of you ladies with blogs are such nice people. Sometimes my daughter and I call each other and ask, "Have you talked to anyone nice today?" and I can say I certainly have, today!

Pearl said...

This is great... one thing that concerns me, though, is the availability of Christian midwives. In my experience researching this type of thing, it tends to be closely tied to the New-Age movement, which I would think wouldn't be very reassuring during a birth. Does anyone know of any specifically Christian organizations, or anything like that?

Lady Lydia Speaks said...

This is true. We do think that the number of Christian women using midwives is having an influence on the midwives. Remember the midwives in Egypt were not of the Israelite faith, but because of their involvement in God's plan, they were given houses to live in. There is a crying need for Christian midwives. There is a gap that needs to be filled. So, women need not think there is nothing more to do than housework, because there is a lot to do!

Amy said...

The mid-wives at Labor of Love in the Tampa area of FL are wonderful Christian ladies. Problems during labor forced us to the hospital, but both mid-wives met us there to help give information to staff and pray with us before an emergancy c-section.

My first two children were born at a hospital with a mid-wife (one was a water-birth). She was a great advocate for us.

I am encouraging my ten-year old to be thinking about being a mother's helper when she is older and she has for seveal years been considering being a mid-wife when she is old enough to pursue it.

Annemarie said...

Oh, I am so glad I live in the Netherlands, and actually I am feeling a bit sorry for you.

Homebirthing is a very normal thing here. I started my labour at home, but had to finish it in the hospital. My midwife came with me.
Then, after a couple of days of hospital, I came home and the same day a professional came to take care of me and the baby. You have a right to have this person in your house for 8 days. (for 8 hours a day). This woman will teach you (and the father) all about caring for the baby, help you with breastfeeding, and she does a little houskeeping.

Also, since homebirthing is so normal, people will visit you at home!

Well, I hope you liked to read how things are going here, I sure like to read about your experiences!

Annemarie from the Netherlands

Anonymous said...

In reply to Pearl's concern...

I have been looking into studying midwifery for several years now (I hope to move forward when the Lord's timing is right!), and one thing I've noticed, is that most of the midwives who are "writing the textbooks" are very new-age, ultra-feminist in sentiment-- but a great deal of the practicing midwives that I've come across are actually Christian.

Interesting contrast.

A Young Lady at Home

Mrs. Wayne E. Hunter said...

Thanks again, Lady Lydia, for such an encouraging post! My husband is in the Army, so it can get pretty lonely when we have Babies, as we have no family around and are often moving (it takes time to develop friendships in new places). There have been duty stations that we've been at in which we couldn't even find anyone to help watch our other children while I was in the hospital after birth, so I had to be alone with our Baby and without my husband (he was watching our other children). That is sad to go through, but part of the military family experience. It would be nice for women whose husbands are military to form groups or just offer to help any other Army wife who is pregnant with childcare and housekeeping or meals after or during birth. I have done so in the past, but thanks to your blog, am eager to do so even more. Thanks again, Lady Lydia.

Mrs. P said...

Wow, hair and makeup... it makes me both want to laugh and cry. I'm sure these are all lovely things to do for a mother, it's just that I remember how I gave birth to my son and so many of the things you all consider normal (they go without saying with even a hospital delivery over there) would be luxury where I live. I've always wanted a large family, but after I gave birth to my first child I was so horrified and depressed by my public hospital experience (even private maternities are not yet legal here) that the thought of ever giving birth again horrified me. And not because of the pain, though that was significant, and nobody even offered me the option of an epidural, but because of the place and people there. What would you say about being in labor in a large drafty hospital room where your husband is not even allowed, where there are several other women, where no nurse looks at you much and you just suffer more or less alone, with the doctor coming now and then to check on you till it's time to get up on a table and deliver? And, by the way, someone finds a flee on her gown in the labor room? Then you are moved into a regular room with several women too. One of the windows is broken and a hospital man comes with two glass pieces to put them together with tape and frame them. Nobody gives you any shower, in fact there is only a sink that works, and you have to sacrifice a blanket to put over the window so the whole street cannot 'admire' you while you use the toilet. You try hard to not touch anything much and use sanitary wipes as much as possible. There are roaches roaming over everything, your food too, if you don't put everything in bags tied up. The hospital food cannot be eaten. You pretty much have to pay people for any small service. You bring your own sheets from home, you hardly get a clean one. The blankets hadn't been washed for years. They bring you the baby but feed him milk from a bottle and bring him full, and that doesn't help the fact he's lazy at nursing, does it? One of the women in the room likes to have her husband and her brother watch her nurse, that means also the rest of us are forced to put up with them being there. Nobody asks if we like it and when we say we don't nobody cares. I left the hospital depressed, having a cold, exhausted. Couldn't sit for 3 weeks. I'm praying for another child and at the same time being terrified of a repeat experience. And consider how the doctor I had truly was wonderful, I am so grateful for him, he is a blessing, I go to his private clinic but he doesn't have a private maternity and can only function in that filthy hospital with mostly indifferent if not nasty people. There were 3 nurses that helped and were kind, and the doctor did us the great favor of allowing my husband to be present when I was up on the table giving birth. He was uniquely kind in doing that and we are so grateful to God for that.

So all this was to say... every little thing you are able to have, the privacy, the cleanliness, the blessing of having your husband with you the whole time, things maybe you take for granted, each is a HUGE blessing and privilege, weather you get to have your hair, makeup or nails done.. or not.

Mrs. P said...

Oh, I failed to mention, you HAVE to give birth in a hospital where I live.

Mrs. Wayne E. Hunter said...

WOW - Mrs. Sherman - check out this link for Classic Baby Nurses in New York! Perhaps this is an area older or single women could fill! http://www.classicbabynurse.com/index.html.

Anonymous said...

It is inspiring to see that homebirths are becoming more popular these days, and more "accessible" via midwives. Myself, I wouldn't have one though. With my first baby, I had unforseen complications and would have died soon after my child's birth if I had been birthing at home. Emergency personel wouldn't have helped either. So, the idea of home birth scares me. I have had all my children in the hospital and have enjoyed and appreciated the care there. No complaints! This aside, one thing I can suggest as a gift for any mom experienced or new, is to bring dinner. It has been a long standing tradition at my church for someone to organize dinner for the new mom's family, for two weeks. Women volunteer to bring dinner everyday for the entire family. Most times there enough food for leftovers for lunches, snacks and freezing for future meals. This way, the family doesn't have to worry about fixing meals for awhile, and can spend the time enjoying the new member of the family. Mom can focus on recuperating and taking care of the baby. Also, she gets a visit from friends once a day, or her husband or family can pick up the food and bring it home, if they want more privacy. Thank you for a wonderful and inspirational site!

Leah said...

We were blessed with our 3rd son and our 3rd homebirth 6 short weeks ago. Our church family was amazing and provided meals for us for 1.5 weeks after I gave birth. Most families brought the meals right to our house and visited with us and met the new baby. My mom lives next door and came over every day for the first week or so to help out with the two older boys and the house. It was wonderful and I'm so thankful. :)

Milehimama said...

If I *had* to give birth in a place like that, I'd make sure I didn't make it to the hospital in time! In fact, my last two babies were delivered within an hour or so of arriving at the hospital. I find laboring at the hospital annoying; plus I like to move around and finish last minute things. I find it makes the labors quicker and less painful if I am occupied and not laying in bed staring at hospital art.

Mrs. P said...

"If I *had* to give birth in a place like that, I'd make sure I didn't make it to the hospital in time!"

I understand what you mean, but it wouldn't make all that much of a difference. I still would have to go with the baby there and they keep you for five days! And there is no hospital art to stare to, just roaches.:-(

Mrs. Wayne Hunter said...

Sorry for the numerous posts on this subject, but one thing I forgot to mention was that the book All About Raising Children by Mrs. Helen Andelin is an EXCELLENT gift to give to new mothers. This book gives step-by-step details on raising happy, healthy children. It's not only good for new mommas, but any momma, as the information and advice in it is timeless. The book is available through Amazon.com or Mrs. Andelin's website bookstore (www.fascinatingwomanhood.net).
Another good book for expectant or new mommas is titled Home by Choice: Raising Emotionally Secure Children in an Insecure World by Brenda Hunter, Ph.D (no relation). This books gives scientific evidence on the importance of a full-time mother in her child's life. This book is available through Amazon.com but can be found for the incredible price of $.99 a copy at Christian Book Distributors at this time - here's the CBD link: http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=37217&netp_id=210222&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW.

And one last thing, and again I apologize for the numerous posts, but our family gives women who just find out that they are pregnant what we call a "Congratulations, Momma!" packet. It is a plastic bag that says "Children Our Most Precious Natural Resource" and in this bag we put a What to Expect When You're Expecting pregnancy calendar, a pretty sample bag of homemade, non-toxic soaps and lotions to pamper momma, a flyer on fetal development, a plastic model of an eleven to twelve week preborn baby, and a Bible for the baby as well as a copy of Home by Choice, and assorted other items such as a magnet that says "Children are a Gift from God", and so forth. This helps the momma to bond with her baby prenatally which is of significant help in raising the child and nurturing the mother/child relationship. The magnets, flyers, bags, and prenatal models are all very inexpensive but nice and available from Heritage House 76 (www.hh76.com).

Anonymous said...

mrs. p - I'm so sorry for your experience. It is also upsetting to hear about forced vaccinations for a newborn!

Is it at all possible you could be on vacation in another country at the time of birth?

Anonymous said...

Mrs. P - are you able to name the country?

Mrs. P said...

"Mrs. P - are you able to name the country?"

Romania.I don't want to badmouth my country, but this is for real how things are in my city. Many of our doctors are professionally very capable, and I never visit my own doctor's clinic without coming away happier and more encouraged then when I went, and always saying 'May God bless him, he's such a special man!' My husband feels the same way. This doctor has helped us and been very kind with us, he treats his patients like human beings and puts his heart into it. He is also one of the best doctors available here. But the system stinks and that's the truth of it.

And I haven't even gotten into what it means here to give birth prematurely. We have a friend whose wife had a very difficult pregnancy (her first one, too) and was confined to bed. Even so, she almost lost the baby and delivered by C-section prematurely. She had to stay many weeks there with the baby. The equipment was terrible: the incubator didn't even have a thermometer to measure the heat level!! Unfortunately, that doesn't excuse the lack of humaneness, the nurses that don't want to bother, they go out and smoke and then go from one baby to another and don't even wash their hands. Or feed the babies with tubes and then just interchange them at random, so your baby gets to use one that has been on another baby.

God has blessed us and protected us as we live here and I really do not want to be grumbling or sound like it. But these things weigh on my mind, they make me angry, and often cause me to sin by worrying about what the future may bring.

Mrs. P said...

I should have said 'tempt me to sin by worrying' rather than 'cause me to sin'. I know if I had more faith I wouldn't worry even so.

Lady Lydia Speaks said...

Romanian lady: these are the concerns that led me to seek out home birth and midwives at home. In the hospital, no matter how sanitary they try to be, babies come home with skin infections. You just can't wash all those blankets and baby clothes together, even with chemicals that are supposed to kill bacteria, and expect that new babies will not have a reaction to other people's bacteria. At home, at least, the baby is born into the family climate and can tolerate the family's "germs." A study was made on the common cold (I don't have reference to it now), and it was discovered that children in day care will drop a toy, and another will pick it up and put it in its mouth or chew on it, and they pass colds and infections around to each other. At home, a child can be playing with a block and his brother may handle it, but they are more tolerant of each other's bacteria. The family bacteria sort of protects them, too. I've seen this same thing played out in nursing homes for the elderly. The staff washes all those towels, blankets and gowns in the same tub, and even though they rinse carefully and so forth, the patients get staff infections and colds. An elder cared for at home has less of a problem. So, in general, babies born at home are in a better environment. Not to mention the lights and buzzers and bells and all the noise of a hospital at night--plus the hoard of personnell and staff coming in and out of the room and handling the baby. One is a lot better off at home, and I have seen first hand the excellent care the mother and baby get. The hospitals are like factories, with the staff going from one patient to the next. As for birth certificates, you can get one without being born in a hospital. But this article was not supposed to be a debate about hospitals verses home birth. I was trying to show that sometimes people forget those special gifts for the mother, when they birth at home. Flowers in collectible vases, and packaged baskets really helps reinforce the importance of what the mother has just done!

Mrs. P said...

Lady Lydia,

I am quite convinced that home births are best. I also know for sure my own home was much cleaner and a better place for our baby to enter the world. However, at this point I do not see what other option I would have (living here).

I am sorry if I sidetracked your post. I didn't mean to, just couldn't help commenting. Maybe it gives you all a slightly different perspective on things to appreciate when you give birth where you do.

Anonymous said...

Mrs. P - I'm glad you shared and I am praying for you and the conditions there.

Mrs. P said...

"Mrs. P - I'm glad you shared and I am praying for you and the conditions there."

Thank you, I appreciate that! :-)

Jan said...

I am all for home births and after having three in the hospital I could go there no more. My husband and a physician friend delivered the next one back in 1975. We had difficulty registering his birth because we needed an official MD signature and our friend was just there as a friend. We were told we couldn't have a baby with out a doctor! The next year my husband delivered our daughter without anyone present but he and I and , of course, the baby. This time the town hall just said. "Oh you've done it at home again, well okay."

Anonymous said...

dear romanian lady can you travel to another country for the delivery ?
Many expatriates in the middle eastern countries travel to their homeland to avoid the prohibitive cost. You could also work out some thing like that hopefully.

Vanessa said...

A great post! As a soon-to-be stay at home wife, thanks to God leading me to this site, I hope I can be of help to mothers in my community. We are hoping for a baby blessing of our own in His time of course.

Blessings.

Anonymous said...

Hi people
I do not know what to give for Christmas of the to friends, advise something ....

Anonymous said...

Mothers who deliver in the hospital face as many problems, if not more, especially if they deliver by c-section, which some must, to save the baby. There is a shortage of nurses and they do not always have the time to check on you or see to your care the way this article implies. If they do, it is a simple temperature check. We had garbage overflowing from the trash bin in our room and there was no one to remove trays as it was a weekend and there was not much help. As for homecoming, there was neither mother nor mil to help me out as I took care of a new baby and a four year old while recovering from a c-section and postpartum infection.Any mother who has that much help, even for a few days, ought to be grateful. I could not even think of a hairdresser or a manicure until three months, not three days after the birth of my first!

Anonymous said...

The last anonymous commenter who mentioned the lack of help...

My husband and I are trying to weigh the benefits/detriments of home birth vs. hospital birth. One thing I wish I could do is to visit the hospital and see what the conditions look like--rather like being able to tour a house you're considering renting. If we could see what the local hospital looks like (although I have NEVER liked hospitals!), it might help things out. But I doubt that would happen.

Our local hospitals have a good reputation, but even the best reputation doesn't preclude the possibility of infections and "expedient" C-sections (as opposed to "medically necessary" ones). It seems that more and more mothers I'm talking to had C-sections! I don't want to have anything to do with needles, drugs, or scalpels if I can avoid it!

To the topic: I know my mother will probably be hanging around after baby is born, so I'm very grateful in advance; though we may have to get a restraining order to get her to leave! *grin*

Mrs. Bartlett

Mrs. P said...

"dear romanian lady can you travel to another country for the delivery ?"

Thank you for your concern. That does not seem feasible at least for now. To go and deliver somewhere in Germany, for instance (where we do have friends) we could not afford. To go to neighboring Hungary... some Romanians do that. But we don't speak a speck of Hungarian and I would feel quite lost going to a place where I know nobody, to entrust this to a doctor I know nothing about and so on. I guess until God wills that private maternities appear in Romania, I will stick to my doctor, who is very competent and whom we trust a lot.

What I am about to say now is sort of off the topic, but it made a strong impression on me. Yesterday afternoon, our family watched a very impressive documentary by the Moody Institute of Science. It's called 'Journey to the Edge of Creation'. It was about the Milky Way and other galaxies. Absolutely stunning! My husband and I were both impressed with how ludicrous (that's really the word for it) it is to worry if your God is this God that created the world and stretched the heavens. He is quite able to intervene and change circumstances, control people and events, what need is there to worry if you really think how incredibly great He is? Unfortunately I don't think enough of that.

So thank you all for 'listening' to me as I described the conditions we have here, and thank you who have sympathyzed and said would pray for us, we sure appreciate that. I really pray that I'll give all to God more and not worry anymore. And then, when the time comes and He does bless us with the baby we pray for, whatever the conditions are, if one can have peace and praise God even giving birth in Romania, He will only be more exalted! :-) That's a perspective I needed.

Sorry, Lady Lydia, again, I didn't mean to change the focus of your post.

BoysMom said...

We just had a baby two months ago. I had him in the hospital, but stayed only a day. I've never stayed longer than that; hospitals are not at all restfull places. And of course, one has to pay for staying there.
Dinners would have been lovely, or help with cleaning, or even just a couple hours with someone watching the big boys, especially my 4yo who doesn't nap. My parents and my inlaws have both been able to come for short whiles and helped greatly.
Mrs. Bartlett, I've never had any problem touring a maternity wing of a hospital, even with toddlers in tow. The nurses appreciate it if you will call them just before you plan to come so they can tell you if they have a room available you can see. If they don't have the number in the phone book, just call the hospital operator and ask to speak to a labor and delivery nurse. (At least, this is how it works in the western US.)
If you have a midwife who practices at the hospital, or a doctor, have you told them you don't want a c-section or any other interventions unless it is medically necessary? The doctors and midwives I've seen have always been very comfortable with that. If your doctor or midwife is not, perhaps you can find a different one.

Anonymous said...

Mrs. P, thank you for your posts.

What a wonderful perspective you shared in your latest post. I have had similar inspiration and reassurance of how awesome God is, through photos of His vast universe. You might like this site that displays a new picture each day. Scroll down and click on Calendar to see previous photos. If you have time, December 1, 2006, and some in November are particularly beautiful.

http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/astropix.html

Mrs. P said...

Thank you very much for the link, I have already looked at some marvellous photos. My son will be very excited to see them.:-)

Lisa W. said...

This is not exactly on the topic, but related. We know several Christian families in our area who have become foster parents to babies whom they have eventually adopted in most cases. After much prayer and discussion, we spent many months taking classes and becoming licensed in our state, and three months ago a little baby girl was placed in our home. I want to share that even though I did not go through the 9-months of pregnancy and the labor and delivery process, the post-baby issues have all been very much the same as with my two natural-born children. In fact, even more difficult in some cases due to the high needs of receiving a medically fragile baby, which in most cases these little ones are, needing more care and attention than normal. Unfortunately I was insensitive myself with the moms I knew who had taken in another's baby to love for Christ's sake, and did not think of the fact that they might enjoy help, an offer of a meal here and there, a little gift or card welcoming the baby to the home, or a visit from friends to see the new addition. Also, the added stress of knowing that we could love and care for this little baby for as long as a year only to have it returned to the biological parents who were not caring for her in the first place is an added emotional stressor that could be reduced by care, concern and prayer of friends. I have had some friends who have done some of these things, but I have sensed that many people don't exactly know how to treat our situation. I thought it worthwhile to share since I know that many believers are being led to adopt these days, and hope that you might be able to provide additional insight and comments, Lady Lydia. Moms who adopt need that extra love, care, personal attention and friendship, too.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Lady Lydia ,

having read the multitude of comments concerning this latest article, I believe the wider picture dealing with the plight of many ladies in countries other than the US, Holland or UK has been somewhat misunderstood when replies have been offered.

As highlighted by ladies such as Mrs. P, giving birth at home is simply NOT an option, as such is ruled ILLEGAL in her nations and others where such dracconian laws are in force. It's all well and good to know in one's heart and mind the benefits of giving birth at home; cleanliness, calm, family support and care, intimacy of the home environment etc but it's of no use if its against the law for ladies to give birth at home and Midwives and even private clinics are outlawd. Simply a reaffirmation we're all singing from the same hymn book is of little comfort when one is forced to give birth in dirty, cockroach infested surrounds (far worsse for ladies who require c-sections or who give birth to premi little ones etc). What's to do when a lady cannot afford to go interstate or even into another country (or does not speak the language of another country where home birthing is permitted, or does not have family or contacts or the wherewithall to set up a network in time for her birth).

Even in Australia, home births are frowned upon, the establishment making it extremely difficult for women who wish to go through with a home birth or even for the registration of midwives (most afiliated with hospitals anyway). I believe the gravity of this situation is not fully apreciated by ladies in the US who live in a Christian utopia in many ways compared to us in other lands.

What we need are ideas and the mechanism by which states can be compelled to change such family and motherhood unfriendly practices, as we ladies are often prohibited by law in so many lands from making a stand by example.

Ladies like Mrs. P. need our full support and understanding, information about home birth vs hospital birth - these facts are not in dispute; it is simply that many states around the world frame the law to favour big ecconomy, big education and big medical (remember all those horrid homeshooling reports coming out of nations such as Germany, Belgium etc)?

It is this sort of woman's repression as practiced on a state level which needs to be addressed far more often in forums such as this, so women living under such systems (often even in Western Europe and the like) do not come away feeling powerlessly guilty, without hope etc.

Pray for such state-sponsored madness to end.

blessings,

mrs. E.
Australia.

Lady Lydia Speaks said...

Even in the US when home school and home birth were "against the law" there was no actual statute or law on the books that could be found, but if a person successfully homebirthed their child, there was never anyone who was prosecuted or put in prison because she did not go to a hospital or clinic to have her baby. Indeed, some women went into labor and had their babies before they even arrived at a hospital, due to the fact they had been on a trip or were not expecting to deliver so quickly. Check out your laws and see if you can find the exact law that forbids it. The same was discovered for homeschooling: there really wasn't an actual law forbidding it, but many people were being taken to court over it. Once in court, they proved that they had broken no law. Sometimes those involved even surprised the judge and the lawyers by researching the law and coming up with the one they needed to prove their innocense.

One way that home birth was given leeway in Oregon was that the midwives as a group went to court and proved that pregancy and birth was not a medical condition, but a natural condition. Now the midwives operate freely in Oregon and have high respect, even being used in the hospitals. Again, check out that law and find the exact words. It could be it is not illegal at all and no law was passed, but that it is assumed to be. Also find out how many women were actually jailed for having their baby at home, and check out the extenuating circumstances. Sometimes they may use a teenager who was irresponsible who did not want her baby, as a point to argue, but this is not the same.

Anonymous said...

Dearest lady Lydia,

I agree with what you've said, but come away deeply troubled at the fact it so often has to come down to one's tenacity when it's necessitated they're brought before a court of law. What a frightening situation to find oneself in; to have to go through all of that - bearing in mind the wheels of justice are not always quite as squeeky clean in some juristictions as they may be in the US or Australia. it's hard enough when one's having to cope with everything else pressing upon them with little ones etc. Then one has over-zealous state child protection agencies to fight against. Nonetheless, you hit the nail on the head - the medicalisation of reproduction, indeed everything pertaining to womans' health from pregnancy to menapause; as has been the overwhelming norm in Australia since the end of WWII.

In the centre of this whole situation, one can clearly see the hand of big-state socialism at work (never mind the fact a govt may be conservative or liberal) with its overarching ajenda to fragment the family - destroying it outright and bringing all under the state (or private enterprise as is here in Aust) umbrella.

On a deeply depressing note, just yesterday, the Australian Senate voted in favour of therapeutic cloning to be included in recently passed therapeutic stem cell research laws (including the raiding of 'terminated' unborn baby girls for their eggs; a last ditch attempt by opponents of this section of bill defeated by a vast majority. I felt compelled to raise this here; so horrified was I by the news broadcast. God help us.

Blessings,

Mrs. e.
Australia.

Lady Lydia Speaks said...

Mrs. E. in Oz, if they prosecuted the mother for not having a baby in the hospital, how could she nurse her baby?

Lady Lydia Speaks said...

To all ladies at home who think no one cares about them: this blog is not a place to express complaints about your lot, although we do try to address some of the things that women will need to make right in order to function well at home. One thing that ladies who have had a bad time need to know is that it can be sometimes their own fault. They have more rights than they realize and if they allow themselves to be a doormat and don't express their needs, the family will go on ignoring them and just living selfishly. Wives have to tell their husbands what they expect of them. Wives need not to live in such a way as to feel like martyrs. They have to have self-dignity. Some of the posts we are getting are just too bad to post, as they are also a bad influence on the younger women. We should remember that we cannot paint the life at home as a terrible life full of grief and sorrow and still expect women to reject feminism, and to want to marry, have children and be homemakers. Husbands have responsibilities too in marriage. Give them the book "Man of Steel and Velvet," which can be accessed online, as well. It shows how to be considerate to the wife, and especially to lavish attention after having a baby.

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