Saturday, March 18, 2006

Your Comments

Your posts are so much appreciated, but please note the following:

The blog here is designed to uplift and encourage those ladies whose dream it is to have a nice home and family, even if they have made mistakes in the past. We would like to keep it from constantly veering off into debates with feminists. If you want to debate or object, please post your feedback at on the feedback section.

Only comments on the articles that you can see on the page before you here will be posted. We can't be bothered to dredge up old stuff that has already been commented on.

We very much value you posting your blog sites. It is nice to know there are so many wholesome, cheerful blogs out there.

We are for marriage, home, family and honoring parents. We know there will always be broken homes, but we want to encourage women to try as best they can to get as close as they can to these ideals, no matter what situation they are in.

Thanks so much.



Anonymous said...

I am feeling very discouraged right now. I would like to continue staying at home but i am beginning to miss the "extra money". I just started staying at home 2 months ago, and I love it! But...I feel anxious about money. We don't have any debt (except our mortgage payment), but there isn't anything "extra" for vacations and other. Plus, my car is 14 years old and broke down yesterday. Sorry if this sounds superficial...I just feel overwhelmed right now and that I should go back to's hard for me not to feel this way.

Anonymous said...

For now, I have not any ideas to share with you, anonymous. But, I honestly, know how you feel. These feelings have come upon me. You have only begun to stay home two months ago; then this is a big change for you, and certainly quite scary. Is this your only car? How does your husband feel about all this? Does this car that broke down interfere with him getting to work? For many years we have had only one car. We still do. In the last five years, out of twenty, my husand has a company car. In my case, not having money for vacation, in the first years did not bother me so much, but, it bothered my husband. Actually, we still have very little money for vacations. I do what I can to make the home a get away from the hassles of life.
I am sorry my comment may not very helpful. But, I do want to express, that I know how you feel, I have felt these feelings too in the very early years. There were times that we had not one bit of savings, we had some debt, a school loan to pay off. Every penny went out as soon as it was earned. My husband would express frustration that he couldn't even buy a newspaper. But, things are better now, after 20 years. I treasure being at home more now, than ever.
You may not be investing in a project that will make money, but you are beginning an investment in your future. Which has value too, not necessarily seen in dollars. There may need to be some sacrifices; sacrifices hurt a bit.
You need support for your decision. These kinds of blogs do help, you have found a good one here.

Lydia said...

You can monitor the amount of electricity and water you pay for, also, by being sensible about the things you leave turned on or running.

Lydia said...

Also I would like to alert everyone to the fact that you can't depend entirely on a salary to help you prosper. At one time or other, some salary, or bonus, or tax return, should be put in an investment that will bring dividends, and eventually bring in a regular second-income. Real estate, or having your own home, can be one of them. You don't have to live in the same house, unles it has sentimental value and belonged to your grandmother, etc... nor do you have to keep living in it til you pay it off. You can sell it after a few years of building equity, and make enough to pay off your loan and then buy one you can afford, which will lessen your debt or eliminate payments altogether. I know one woman who did that. She got tired of high house payments, and her husband begging her to go to work to help pay them. So, they sold the house, and bought down. It takes quite a bit of humility to buy down into a lower income neighborhood, but they were able to pay all their debts, and the smaller house is easier to look after and easier to decorate. They were also able to put some money into an interest bearing account.

Lydia said...

By the way, it has become impossible to post pictures here. Iwonder if any other bloggers are having that same difficulty.

Anonymous said...

Lady Lydia,

That happens from time to time with Blogger. Just try again. If you are having problems consistently send them a message. Once I found a glitch in the program and they thanked me for pointing it out and fixed it promptly. I was impressed, as this is a free service after all.

Lydia said...

It is hard to adjust to controlling your own life at home, if you've always been controlled by others in institutions where there are bells and deadlines and paychecks and coffee breaks. It takes awhile to decide what works best for you. Some people are morning people and do their work in the morning, and wind down more in the evening. Others pick up speed in the afternoon. Then there are people in your family you have to consider. You have to know when it is time to get a meal and iron a shirt--and these things ought to be started early, so that you aren't rushed.

As for money, sell off everything you don't need. You can always replace it, if it isn't an important family heirloom. Don't buy things even if you think they are too much of a bargain to pass up. You might spend five dollars at the dollar store, but if you saved it, you'd have five dollars to buy a few groceries.

When I was growing up, we didn't have "things." Housekeeping was very simple because it was more cleaning. The floor had to be swept and the dishes had to be washed, and the laundry done, and the beds made, but that was about it. Now with the accumulation of things, there is much more to do. It is okay to have more furniture and collections than your parents did, but only if you can control it and keep it from controlling you.

Lydia said...

Anonymous: you posted this on last month's page. I don't publish any comments from previous months, but I will put part of your comment here so that my daughter can answer it herself.

Lydia said...

Since she went everywhere we went, she was hardly left isolated. I had a rule in my heart and that was "if she isn't invited, then I won't come." Sometimes even if she was not invited, I took her. She was my companion to many fashion shows, craft and sewing and art classes, tea parties, musical concerts, etc. We also enjoyed travelling and shopping and for awhile had our own Afternoon Tea business at home, where she met the man who is now her husband.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lady Lydia,
My comment relates to the anonymous poster who is having second thoughts about returning to the workplace. I too have recently quit working to stay at home and there have been many moments when I've wondered if I should go back to work in order to get the money to buy this or that. If you have been working out in the world for any length of time it is very difficult to adjust to a homemaking environment. Please don't be discouraged; if you've only been home for 2 months then you are likely still adjusting to the life of a housewife. I made up my mind to allow myself at least 4-6 months in order to familiarize myself with the seasonal needs of the household and to develop a schedule of cleaning, errands, etc. Having only one working vehicle is not the tragedy most people would expect. When that happens to us we either plan to do shopping and errands on the weekend or else I will ride to work with my husband and take the car to do what I need to do and then he will drive me home at lunch or else wait until quitting time and I go and pick him up from his job. PLease don't give up. My prayers are with you! Mrs. T.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lady Lydia -

I am a SAHM to two wonderful small children. My husbands' income is not enough to cover our expenses, and we have 'downsized' as much as possible. (No cable, no TV, no cell phones, one car, no eating out, smaller apartment, no vacations, etc.) Most of our problems financially stem from student loans we incurred. We are prayerfully deciding what to do.

At any rate, my DH doesn't want me to go back to work. He feels that we are doing God's will by me being the keeper at home. He says "God's will - God's bill!" :) He insists that the Lord will provide if we are obedient.

Just for fun (and to prove relatives wrong who insist that I am 'lazy' and should get off my laurels and go to work to help) I researched what it would cost for me to go back to work. Here is what I found out:

Daycare would cost us $2000 a month. Then you have to factor in professional clothes, drycleaning, second car payment, second car gas, second car tabs/licensing, second car insurance, parking costs, toll roads costs, lunches for me and the girls, breast pump rental and bottles...which adds up to AT LEAST $3000/month total. Factoring in taxes....I would have to make at least $41,000 a year to break EVEN. To even have it be worth my while and bring home a little bit of money to help expenses I would have to earn at least $65,000 a year.

That is not going to happen. What my education and training is in won't even come close to $65,000 a year....the position just doesn't get paid that much.

When I read the above it makes my head spin. Look at all of that extra 'stuff' I would be focused on and stressed out by if I went back to work. NO THANK YOU!!!

Not to mention the precious chubby hands, pudgy cheeks, sweet laughs and big hugs I would miss out on all day.

No....not for us. I want to love my children and BE there WITH them. I would rather rent forever than have regrets at the end of my life that I missed out on my children.

Janet said...

I am a single homeschooling mother and I dearly love Homeliving Helper and LAF! God has enabled me to be a keeper at home, in spite of my circumstances. I give all praise to Him! If other single mothers want to be at home, pray ferverently and be willing to make any sacrifice in order to be at home.

Children of single-parent homes still need their mothers at home- maybe even more so than children from normal homes. I believe that the Bible commands women to be keepers at home, and that it applies to all women, married or single. (I do understand when the husband is disabled or when he demands she work that the woman may have to leave the home, but the Lord can make ways for her to work from home. I totally believe that God works miracles out of hard situations! Isaiah 43:19)


Anonymous said...

Hi there, this is the same "anonymous" that initially stated how frustrated/overwhelmed I feel with staying home. I want to make it work, because I love it! I have been doing this just 2 months now, and love it. But what is overwhelming me is anything that is "unplanned" financially and we just had 2 big doozies this Friday and Saturday. One is car related and the other is real estate related and will likely require an attorney. I have done many of the things folks mention (e.g. be mindful of energy/water/gas consumption) and my car is used 1/2 for me 1/2 for my husband (our second vehicle is a LARGE TRUCK and my husband is not willing to part with it. I have tried but no dice it's non-negotiable). We never go out to eat anymore. All meals are here or at other friend's homes. I haven't bought anything new, and I do sew and don't even have enough money right now to go buy some fabric for a new project (due to the unplanned car expense). We have a really nice financial cushion but I'd really like to not have to touch it, I'd really like to just live off my husband's income without touching it. Anyway thanks ladies for the advice. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a mole hill, or just feeling sorry for myself.

Anonymous said...

Lady Lydia,
You said that you ran an afternoon tea business from your home. When you have time, could you share more about that experience? I would love to do something related to tea from my home as a business and I just wanted to know how you got started, did you enjoy it, was it pretty profitable, etc. Anything that you could share would be greatly appreciated.

Anonymous said...

I wanted to address to things that have been discussed here.

Firstly, Elizabeth, I thought your response to the negative comments about your childhood was magnificent! How people have gotten convinced that children have to be "socialized" into the world from birth, and what a dangerous and damaging notion that is. I find it shocking that people think it's great for young kids, even pre-teens to "hang" at the mall, but consider them being at home with their families to be "smothering" and negative.

I would give anything to have had a childhood like Elizabeth's, with parents who wanted to be with her and who nurtured her interests and well being. I had "mod" parents in the 1960's, who were mainly interested in "doing their own thing", and that didn't include considering their children. We were left with babysitters until that became expensive, and then we were left at home alone. My mother liked to sleep in mornings, so we had to rustle our own breakfast and we ate some terrible stuff. Meals had to be catered around our father's tastes, which were invariably red meat and fries, no vegetables or fruit, so as adults, his children have digestive and other health problems. We were always made to feel as if we had ruined our parents' lives by being born, that we were in the way, that we were "millstones" around their necks keeping them from the freedom to do whatever they wanted. These sentiments were often expressed, and both parents acted as if having children was a terrible drag that they couldn't wait to be free of.

For a child this is agony, and for an adult who has survived an upbringing like that, it is near-crippling. One of my siblings has absolutely no sense of self worth and allows himself to be used by anyone who comes along. I have serious problems trusting people and tend to be a loner. That was the easiest way when I was a child - to stay out of the way and be no trouble. I truly believed something was inherently wrong with me as a child, since my parents didn't want to have me with them, and that I deserved ill-treatment from others. I have tolerated a lot of abuse as a result, and have only just begun to understand my own value at the age of 46.

Children learn what they live, and if they live without parental love and involvement, they do not value themselves at all, or consider themselves worthy of love. Elizabeth is so very, very lucky and had such loving and good parents!

For the anonymous who has been home for two months - I just read your second post, and I well remember how hard it was for me when I was at home and such unexpected expenses would occur. It's truly disheartening, and even frightening. But these times will pass. Sometimes you just have to put projects and such to the side until you get past financial hurdles like this. There might be something you have that you could sell that would help - sometimes it helps to look around with what I used to call "new eyes", try to see your home with the eyes of someone who is not used to looking at it. Is there anything there that you could afford to let go in exchange for money? It might even be something that is just part of the landscape, but that you don't really need or want any longer.

I don't think you are just feeling sorry for yourself - such times are very worrying, and it always seems as if these extra financial problems all jump out at once.

Lydia said...

Some children just have a different nature than others. Some want to be near their mothers. I don't think that should be discouraged. It is a natural way they have of protecting themselves. Others are a little more confident and independent. I think you should go with the nature of your child, and work with it. She liked to be around us and so we didn't push her away.

If a family can encourage each other to stay out of debt, it reduces the stress of family living. Most people have some debt, but if they could stop before attempting to add more, this would really help. I don't think college debt is wise, either, as it gives a couple a bad start in marriage. College is close to marriage in time, and so a student often goes from college to marriage, carrying that debt, which puts a strain on marriage. I think it takes advantage of a student to offer him a loan, and most students accept the offer, unfortunately.

Lydia said...

Also, not all children are alike. It was because of her nature that we homeschooled our children, at last. I could see it would be a terrible trial for us over the years to put her in school. I could see that it would break her heart.