Mood Swings

It might seem completely harmless to be "in a bad mood." I used to think this excused foul language, insults, bad behavior, rude remarks, pouting, not answering when spoken to, or lashing out in anger. After all, it is "just a bad mood." But, in home life, consider this: everything we do has an affect on others in the home, sometimes for life!

Our moods can rub off on others, and create problems for a long time. As a teenager, I used to think it was okay to "express" my moods and go the distance with a "bad mood," not realizing the damage it was doing to my relationships--relationships that I would desperately need to for support, many years later!

I discovered when homeschooling our children, that mood swings would have to be dealt with and controlled if we were to thrive as a family, being thrown together in every aspect of life. We ate together, were active together in mutual interests, and interacted conversationally. We would not survive as a cohesive family if mood swings were to controll us. If one person was "in a bad mood," the rest of us would end up catering to him, tip-toeing around him, trying to to "set him off", and so forth. The one with the bad mood would be controlling the atmosphere of the home.

My vision was not just for a temporal peace at home while the children were in our care. I was concerned about our future relationships as adults; the children with their own marriages and children. I did not want them to carry their mood swings into their next life as adults, affecting their children and creating despair in their own homes. I could just imagine their little children's sad looks as they said, "Daddy's in a bad mood. We can't ask him to take us fishing today," or, "Mother is in a bad mood. We can't talk to her."

To eliminate the effect of mood swings, I challenged our children to research and study the concept of "self-control." I emphasized that there is less control exercised by others over you, when you take charge over your moods and control them so that they don't impose on others. Mood swings can create havoc in families and go on to harm your future marriages. When children grow up with parents who have mood swings, they develop the same emotional reactions.

We learned so much from the study of self-control, finding poems and literature even from the 18th and 19th century, which helped boys and girls "school their feelings," as it was termed. Love and consideration for others became a priority. If someone was "in a bad mood", their best recourse was to go away to their own room and do it in private, rather than impose their anger and their "funk" on the rest of the family. They weren't allowed to plague everyone else with their bad mood. Consideration for others meant that we would not create a gloomy atmosphere in the home, at the table, in the car, or anywhere else, with pouting and resentment. If a person was to feel that way, he could go back to bed until he felt better.

Researching moods meant that we often got to the bottem of the bad mood, discovering the things that created bad moods, and correcting them. Sometimes a foul mood came from unrealized goals, lack of accomplishment, a disorganized room, unfulfilled obligations, unfinished tasks, disprespect to parents and siblings, or unreconciled relationships. Lack of worthwhile things to work for, can also result in frustration and create moodiness. Everyone should have something they are intensely interested in, or different things that have a noble end, to work for.

We also discovered the physcial aspects of mad moods, such as low blood sugar from not eating often enough or poor nutition, lack of sleep, worry, depressing movies or reading materials, too much attention to daily news broadcasts (where they loudly tell the public over and over of some assault, crime, or failure of mankind) unwise spending, lack of good use of time, dressing in a depressing way, or despressing decor. As we corrected these problems, we bgan to have the kind of rapore in our family that other people, peeking in, wanted to duplicate in their own lives.

As a child, it was a curiousity to me how some adults always seemed to be "the same" or even-tempered. When I asked someone once, "Aren't you ever in a bad mood?" she said, "Of course. But I would not impose that bad mood on you. I go somewhere private and do it." I used to admire certain women who didn't ever seem to be emotionally distressed, but I learned when I grew up that they were being careful not to let the cat out of the bag, so to speak. It was a generation that would not have imposed their problems on others, for the world. It was also a matter of propriety and politeness that they did not make the whole family suffer if they were in a bad mood. Of course, families should share one another's griefs, but bad moods, pouting, and that sort of thing that has people feeling jumpy and distraught, amount to a completely different thing.

Back in the 50's, and some of the people I knew were born in 1900. They were from the old school, where they were taught to harness their emotions and bring them into subjection. They knew what "taking captive every thought" meant. It meant you didn't lash out at others, among other things. Those who let their moods control them, and those around them, were considered rude and angry, and we were warned not to go with an angry man.

Today the talk shows and even the web encourages "rants" and letting it all out, no matter who it hurts. Are we any better for it? Are we more at ease, less upset, for "venting?" People do great damage to others and then claim, "I was frustrated." While this is understandable, we can still be frustrated and "sin not." We can feel angry, moody, pouty, and so forth, but we don't need to foist it on the rest of the family. This kind of rudeness seeps into our government and our court system. People get away with horrendous crimes because they were "in a bad mood," or "frustrated."

One wonderful avenue of expression is prayer. Another is those God has put in our lives, such as husbands, sisters and friends. These poeple provide wonderful listening ears without being judgemental. If we have them in our lives and our moods don't damage the relationships, this is good. I found it valuable to remember that mood swings can be caught by your children, and just as the mother is moody, so will the daughter be. There are some things that can be controlled in our lives, and moods are one of them. I'm not talking about grief, deep concern, and that sort of thing, but moodiness. I"m sure everyone has experienced calling up a friend, and hearing that her husband is "in a bad mood today." I think immediately of how the children will perceive this. Will a "bad mood" be an excuse for behaving angrily, and wounding the feelings of others?"

One test we took, while learning to "school our feelings," was to do something, some task, or attend some social function, even serving our own guests, in spite of our mood. It had an interesting effect. The more we did what was on our list of daily duties, in spite of our moods, the more in control we became of those moods. I attended a wonderful course on how to become more organized at home, when I was in my 20's. There, I observed that the women were learning to control their moods by controlling their homes. Instead of waiting til they were "in the mood" to clean out the refrigerator, they would wait until the date came up in the card file they had created, to clean the fridge. The mood was set aside, and the task was done, even if they didn't feel like doing it. When I learned this lesson, my moods stopped dominating me and depression failed to control me as much.

Another thing that really helped was the philosophy that life consisted of disappointments as well as happiness, and often the disappointments made happieness more enhanced when it came. Life was part good and part bad, and not always to our liking. However, we could eliminate a lot of problems just by controlling our moods

Studying the pioneer women and our own mothers and grandmothers was a great benefit to us. I learned that my mother suffered a lot of hardship when we were growing up, but she did her daily work anyway. She had responsibilities and there was no getting under the covers and burying her head while the family and the house were neglected. Many people did that, and I wonder if it was the best therapy. I still know these people, now in their 80's, and they seem stronger than ever emotionally.

To improve their moods, many women of that time would wash their hair, put on a dress, or serve tea. I never understood the washing hair thing, but one day I decided to try it. It had something to do with the way the hands engage the mind, in rubbing the head, while the head is tipped down into the sink. That sounds hilarious, but it works. It improved her mood. She then went outside and finished the process by drying her hair in the sun. This required her sitting somewhere pleasant and taking time to think. There was after that, the matter of styling her hair and putting clips to secure it, all part of improving the mood.

Mother had catologs she enjoyed looking at and always had a book to read. She had many interests and hobbies to distract her. She wrote stories and poems sometimes and wrote long letters to her mother. She found all kinds of things to improve her children's moods, as well, without money.

I think it is unwise to develop a reputation of being in a bad mood, or being moody. As I said before, it is not a matter of having shock or grief in your life, or intense worry. These are different than ordinary moodiness, which can be controlled. It is hard on others when they don't know from one day to the next where they stand with you. The moods that determine this can be controlled in childhood, and if not, good behaviour can be learned.

Looking for a poem called "School Thy Feelings," I found this beautiful poem on the web.

My message today is to let the only swing you have, be the kind in the painting ;-)



Our Life's Message


Our life is like a flower, from a little seed it grows.
Whatever will become of it, no human ever knows.
It’s fed and nurtured, given love and care;
Then as it blossoms, we’re suddenly aware
Of just what that life was meant to be,
For it now is made plain for all to see.
Yes, our life is a message that others will read,
And hopefully what’s read will meet some need.
So may our morals be high and our character strong,
Doing what’s right and avoiding all wrong,
For the time is short, it’s fleeting by
And like a flower, we fade and die -
But the message we leave for all to see,
Shall remain forever, through eternity.

"Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works,and glorify your Father which is in heaven"(Matt. 5:16)

Connie - May, 1996 (from http://www.inspirationalpoetry.com/faith1/ourlifesmessage.shtml)




Painting: Young Girl on a Swing by Francis W. Topham