Free to be Home

While the world impresses women with words of liberation and freedom, women at home are finding that true freedom is the freedom to be at home, to guard it, to keep it, to manage it, and to enjoy it. Feminists for years have taught their own version of slavery verses freedom. Slavery, they said, was being at home, and freedom was having a career. What the younger generation of women are finding, is that this was a totally false definition.What was supposed to be "freedom," became oppression. Women went in to debt and became a slave to the workplace with its regulatory life.

The wonder of such promises of freedom is that they actually force women to work. Many women say that although they wish to be home being a full time manager of the home and family, they do not feel they have a choice. So much for the elevated choice that feminism promised. Many women feel they have no choice but to work outside the home for a wage. Very few are working because they absolutely love dropping their children off at daycare, putting in long hours, going home to a dark house, scrambling to get the laundry and dinner, or paying all the expenses of going to work. Most women would like to have the freedom to be home and not be tied down to a job.

The feminists were thinking more about their likes and dislikes, then about their duties and responsibilities and the need for them in the home. Believing that being at home would stifle them or give them less economic advantage in their lives, many women went to work, only to find themselves slaves to time schedules and locations. They had no time for leisurely breakfasts with their families, and ended up shuffling everyone off to various institutions, and themselves off to a factory or an office or to work for the highway department managing traffic during road construction.

Many of us knew our grandmothers and great grandmothers and had knowledge of great-great grandmothers. They were not straining to go out and work. They did not demand to be "liberated" from their cozy homes. They didn't want to leave their children. They were not complaining that men had more freedom than they did. The men, actually, had a hard role to play because before this modern time with all the conveniences, many things had to be done without equipment and without electronics. The men worked literally by the sweat of their brow.

The wives and daughters and mothers who loved them, created a home base for them and helped them to be good providers by being homemakers. The only way that the powers-that-be could get the women of the next generations to reject the role of homemaking was to paint a bad picture of it. They were told by people like Betty F. (I never could spell that last name, and isn't it eerie how much it sounds like "freedom"?), that women were just assigned to drudgery jobs in dark houses and had no freedom and no status and they were required, unfairly to have children.

They were told that they shouldn't "have" to stay home and should be given a "choice," but that choice was usually a choice between different colleges and careers, not a choice between providing and home-keeping. The next generation of girls grew up in schools which regularly taught them to do something else, and played down the important role of homemakers, wives, and mothers.

Working outside the home was presented as freedom, while home living was presented as slavery. Now, most women who write in and say they are working, say that they feel that they have no choice. So, what happened that the great "choice" that they were given through education and career became a harsh taskmaster that they could not escape? The workplace became a place where women felt they had to go. They felt they had no choice in the matter. Many women say that they have no choice. Once they begin working, they cannot get out of it easily. It is very demanding and consuming. So much for the choice that the feminist leaders gave them. Now if you even suggest that you would like to go home full time, you are met with ridicule.

Relationships at work were second best to their own families, but they believed they were doing the right thing. They soon found that to join a company and work daily, was greater slavery and confinement, than to be at home seeing to the needs of a family. At least they were related to their family, and loved them.

It is easy to see, by looking over the many homemaking blogs, that many young women are not buying into the feminist doctrine that being home is being nowhere. They know they are somewhere important and that no one can take their place, emotionally, in the hearts of their families.

Even those without children, have a special feeling for the house they live in, puttering and cleaning and decorating, and making it the best atmosphere they could possibly want. She gets to choose the color of the drapes and the kind of furniture, and the meals that will be served, and usually only has to negotiate with one person, her husband. At work, she may have to go through many departments to get something done. At home, it is her decision and her hands that change things.

A homemaker can go when she wants, and stay when she wants. She is not confined to the perimeters of her house all the time. She can shop or have friends over, and even help her own husband in his work, if she wants to. At work, she will be let out of the building perhaps for 10 minutes twice a day and half an hour for lunch. She cannot talk to her loved ones any time she wants to. She will be restricted in many ways at work, that she is not, at home.

If she chooses to spend the day outside gardening, the homemaker can do so, and does not need permission from anyone. This is her domain, and she is the manager. At work, not everyone gets to be at the top of their ladder, but at home, the homemaker is in charge of almost everything to do with managing the home.

While feminists loudly proclaimed liberation to women, they liberated them right into slavery. They had to get up, often not fully rested, and head off to work in all kinds of weather, and sometimes when they weren't really feeling well or had a headache. They stayed there til the bell rang for quitting time, and then headed home. By the time they got home they didn't want to make any decisions or think about anything. They then got up the next day and started the whole thing all over again.

The jobs "at the top" were few, even for the men, and most of the women went to work in very non-glamorous jobs. Home can be as uplifting and fun as the homemaker wants it to be, because, like anyone with freedom, she does her best when given the freedom to be creative and discover what works best for her.

Being a homemaker certainly does not mean that she will not ever be able to pursue her talents. Many homemakers are also interior decorators, crafts experts,designers, artists, musicians, seamstresses and writers. Homemaking offers the time and the freedom to really pursue some of these goals, whereas the day at work will not only leave one exhausted, but dull their creative side, if they have to conform to the rules and regulations of the job. Free to be home, she finds more freedom than college or work ever allowed, and many women are taking advantage of it.

I still remember part of a poem that I read in an old magazine: "If I sing, or dig in the garden, I'm free: Remember, the choices were all made by me."

Thankfully, younger women are coming to realize that the mothers and grandmothers who were fooled by feminism, had much less freedom, and much less fulfillment in their 9 to 5 jobs. They were not free to be home.

Think about how free a woman at home really is. She can come and go as she needs to. She is free during the hours of the day when other people need help--for example, her mother, grandmother, her children and grandchildren, and those who could benefit the most from having her being available during the day. Sometimes, even children cannot help their aging parents, even though they live in the same town, or even next door to them, because they are gone during the day. Children especially, need a home life that is not full of the rush-rush music of "hurry up, it's time to go," and "Where are your shoes? We will be late!" Mothers at home create the stability and the happy childhood memories that children really need to carry the through the difficulties of later life. The really free woman is the one who does not have to be at work or bring in a paycheck.

Comments are temporarily open, as time allows.

I will not limit myself to just posting handy dandy helpful household hints. I hope to persuade as many whose hearts are open, to take the Titus 2 and the I Timothy 5:14 of the Bible seriously. I mean to plainly speak the real philosophy behind homemaking--not merely a bunch of interesting ideas. This blog is not for the faint of heart but for those who really want to stay home or eventually come home. I'm happy to see so many young women carrying out this work and doing it so well, but unfortunately, it was the older women who espoused this so-called "liberated woman" and it is often they who are the hardest to talk to.
If you don't want to be home, and don't ever intend to be home, and believe the feminist spin about homemakers, but don't believe the Bible is serious about the role of women, this blog is not for you. Comments will be taken at my leisure, and when they are turned off, my email is available ladylydiaspeaks@comcast.net.

Please note: I am being particularly selective about the comments that I allow to stick, because they need to reinforce the Biblical standards, and not twist them or water them down or refute them, and I don't want to discourage young women who need the support to be homemakers. I realize a lot of women can't or won't stay home, and that has always been the case since the beginning of time. Even the Bible speaks about the women "whose feet do not stay home." If you have strong objections to the material here, you need to email me. If your comment does not get posted, it is either because I was not using the computer that day or because it required too long of a reply.

Do Personal Circumstances Change the Meaning of the Bible?

"One who wants, finds a way. One who does not want, finds a reason." (Russian Proverb)

When Jennie Chancey and I first formed LAFthere was the usual barrage of objections from feminist girls who knew nothing about the home and the family. In response to our articles about women as guards and guides of the home, the questions ranged from "What if my husband dies," to "What if my children become drug addicts?" Here is a partial list of these objections:

What if my husband gets sick?

What if my husband doesn't make enough money to support me?

What if I have talents beyond homemaking? Shouldn't I share them with the world?

What about the women in Victorian times who had to work in the factories?

What about the slaves in America? What about the slaves in Egypt?

What about the serfs in England who had to work in the fields?

What about Deborah, who was a judge, in the Bible?

What about Lydia, who was a merchant?

What about the prophetesses and the deaconesses in the Bible?

What about poor women, single women, women without living parents? What about the women who became famous opera singers, authors or painters?

What if I find I can't keep house?

What if I don't want to be a homemaker?

What if my husband makes me go to work?

What if my husband refuses to work?

What if my husband is lazy and will not work?

What if I have children, even though I am not married?

What if I don't have children, even though I am married? What will I do all day?

What if the government sends all the women to work and all the children to day care?

The list goes on and on, and as a young single girl, I can remember asking questions like this myself, just to sound very smart. Things change once your heart changes and you get married, and even those who have children and no husband, soon discover their minds changing about a lot of things. The presence of someone else dear to your life, will change your thinking in many ways. You are no longer thinking of "me" but of "we," and that makes a big, big difference.

There is no way to answer every single little detailed question in objection to the idea of women being the guides and guards of the home, and the men being the providers.

It matters not  what the Hebrew slaves did in Egypt, nor what  the women in the factories in Victorian times, or the women in the work houses in Edwardian times. What I care about is what the Bible teaches women about how to live. There are always two sides to history and there have always been women in every era who stayed home, no matter what other people were doing. Yes, there were factory workers, women, but there were also those who followed the Titus 2 way.

All these scenes that everyone presents to me to trip me up, remind me of the Pharisees and their attempt to trap the words of Jesus. They were just trying to justify their actions and get out of doing what was right. If a girl really truly wants to do what is right and will bring the greatest blessings on her, and is concerned about having a long marriage and a good home and good children, she will pay attention to what the scriptures teach women to do.

In a time when the non-believing women were loud and pushy and bossy and independent, the holy spirit told women to be busy at home. It was partly to make them different from the world and keep the word of God from being blasphemed, and partly because it is what is best for a woman's make up. We live in a nervous world today and it has increased since women went to work enmasse and left the comforts of the home.

It may have been true that some women worked in factories and let their children run in the streets or put them to work too, but there were, in every single era that has ever existed throughout time, women who followed the Biblical teachings. (We are more enlightened today: we send women to work and leave their children in daycares or the care of others; teenagers roam the streets or become "latchkey kids." )

Yes, there were women who worked in saloons in the days of the wild, wild west, but there were Christian women who did not. There have always been women who managed pubs or worked every day in the market, but those who followed the scriptures knew that their place was in the home. Just because women working as harlots was mentioned in the Bible, does not give women the authority to do it. Christian women will always be different.

Yes, there were women who were slaves, but those who were Christians, did what their Lord taught them to do: take care of their husbands and children and their own homes. So, in answer to the fact that women used to work, or that all women in your country work, I can say I am sure they do, but Christian women who believe the Bible and have a conviction, will follow what it says, not the dictates of the prevailing culture.

No matter what state we find ourselves in, the Bible teaches us that the woman's greatest and most powerful role is as guard and guide of her home and family. That will never change, no matter what the economy does; no matter what the government does; no matter what the prevailing culture does.

It is still possible to be all those things that the Bible teaches. You can give me the weirdest scenario, and I will admit there are always exceptions. Sure, Deborah was a judge, so is that teaching us to become career judges?

Lydia was a seller of purple, so does that mean we all go door to door selling cloth? And yes, there were the slaves in Egypt. Does that mean we should all be slaves and go to work in other people's houses for minimum wage?

We do know that the Egyptian women worked, for example, their midwives (who helped the Israelite women deliver their babies when Pharaoh told them to kill the babies), but we do not know for sure the Israelite slave women in Egypt worked. Many of them, such as the mother and sister of Moses, stayed at home and kept the home for their slave husbands. It is possible that even in the antebellum era in America, that many women stayed in their cabins having babies and fixing meals for their husbands in the cotton fields.

 It is impossible to prove that every single woman in the 19th century went to work because she was poor or because she had no husband. It is impossible to prove that every single woman has to go to work today just because her husband doesn't have a high salary.

A lot of things that happened in the Bible were not commands of God, but recorded acts of mankind in rebellion. It showed the consequences of man's behavior when he went against God's principles. Just because there were slaves in Egypt, or Miriam complained about her brother, Moses, does not mean God approved of it. It just showed what happened. It showed the consequences of it. Many times God used such things to make people go in a different direction than they were going.

Rahab ran a public house, and though she found favor with God for her heroic actions, it does not say that God approved of the way she lived, or that we should all become tavern keepers or harlots. The Bible tells the truth about people, but we have to be discerning about whether it is God's will for us all to be like the person in question. We have to read the circumstances around the situation and judge righteous judgement.

We can not say for certain that on every single plantation that every single woman and child worked in the cotton fields. Every one was different, and there were some Christian plantations where women were treated differently. But whatever happened, it does not matter, because Christians with conviction will follow the inspired word of God.

We do not know a lot about the circumstances surrounding these people in the Bible. For one, how old was Deborah? Did she have children at home? Was she neglecting her husband, or did she have a living husband? Was she all alone in the world? It does not matter, because the women who follow the scriptures, will do what God says do, and live by faith, not by sight.

As for whether your husband turns out to be a bum who will not work, Christians know that a man who will not provide for his own is in rebellion. His family will starve and it will be a shame to him. The church is supposed to discipline him. The wife should go back to her parents if her husband will not provide for them, as they did in the past. I knew several girls who took their children and went home to their parents when the husband began drinking. But you can prevent this if you will not marry a man who drinks. If he is lazy before you marry him, marriage won't motivate him for long.

He doesn't give us scriptures like, "The young women should marry, bear children, keep house...giving no occasion for the enemy (not bringing reproach and criticism by being a bad housekeeper)," and then make circumstances that are impossible. As in every society and every era, there will be women who will leave their homes and their children and husbands and go to work for money, but that is not a standard for the Christian woman.

The Christian woman will do as the scriptures teach (see Titus 2, which shows what the younger women are to be taught). Christian women sometimes find themselves in temporary situations that are not ideal, but they always have a goal of getting as close to the standard as they can. We hold up that ideal in our minds and look to accomplish the goal of the high calling of Christ.

Taking care of our houses and our children and our husbands is a high calling.

If you have a dream and you set your course, you will likely follow it. If you get started in a different direction, you can get trapped working forever, as many women will testify. You can always find exceptions, but Christian women will be different. That is the bottom line.

Yes, there were women in pioneer days who did not stay home, but they were the exception, not the rule. Christian women knew they had a duty to do at home and in the church. It doesn't mean they stayed in the house all their lives. We are all free to come and go as we need to. Home makers are freer than working women and not tied down to strict schedules. They contribute a great deal to the churches and to the world because of their flexibility and creativity. The blogs show this to be true.

There has been an attempt in the last few years, even by ministers and teachers, to make the Proverbs 31 woman into a real estate agent and a merchant and a full time weaver. They miss the entire principle of the passage: that she was busy and she cared for her own household and that she taught the things that were good and right.

In making her into a career woman, these people put tremendous burdens on young women, who need to be content as wives, mother and homemakers. In the past, when the passage was taught, it was taught as a guide for women to be keepers of the home, finding the best food and making good things for their families. Now, it is taught as an excuse for women to neglect their little ones and compete in the market place.

Women have always worked from home, and always made extra money, but the pressure now is to get them completely away from the family and out of their home for 8 to 10 hours a day. Women who follow God, will look at this chapter with a yearning to be homemakers, not a yearning to sell girdles in the marketplace. Those who follow the scriptures will do so with a discerning heart, not trying to twist them to suit their own will. There is an old saying that people try to change the Bible to fit themselves, instead of changing themselves to fit the Bible.

Titus 2, I Timothy 5:14, Genesis 1 and 2--the purpose of men and women established. Proverbs 31.

*********************************************************************************

If a person has a personal conviction deep enough, he can find a way to follow that conviction. If he cannot follow his convictions, it shows that they were not convictions, but preferences, which change with the winds of adversity. When things are convenient or easy, he finds a way to do want he knows to be right, but when it becomes difficult, he finds a reason he cannot.

"One who wants, finds a way. One who does not want, finds a reason."