Saturday, January 01, 2005

For Newcomers - Just a Reminder

Swedish Woman Writing With a Quill Pen
by A. Jernberg (1826-1894)




If you are not a homemaker and have no children or have not married, I would like you to know that just because I am married, am a mother and grandmother and am a full time homemaker, it does not mean that I do not approve of you because you are not.

If you have never had children, it does not mean that because I've had children that I do not like you. If you have not married it does not mean that because I am married I do not approve of or like anyone who is not.

If you like dogs in the house it does not mean that because I do not like a dog inside the house that I do not like you or your dog. If you do not enjoy glitter, it does not mean that I look down on you because I like glitter and glitz. If you don't like to wear dresses, it does not automatically mean that I dislike anyone because I like skirts and dresses and they do not.

If you like to shave your head and put posts in your skin, it does not automatically follow that I do not like you because I do not have posts or metal in my skin. Because I have not shaved my head does not mean I have condemned you for shaving yours. Because I cook some meals does not mean that I don't approve of you because you do not cook.

I hope by these ridiculous comparisons you can see my point. If you got on a blog where some woman was making cloth dolls, would you flame her and say that she was condemning everyone that did not make and sell dolls? Would you say she was putting you down because she did not give an alternative to making dolls? You would expect a doll making site to be about making dolls, wouldn't you? Would you complain that she didn't fairly offer alternatives to doll making, or allow other opinions? Would you flame someone who wanted to make her own bread instead of buying it, just because you do not make your own bread?

These are just a few points I'd like to bring out, especially for the very young, single women who have never had children, never run a home, and have not had the experience of a long marriage. This blog provides ideas to make being a wife, mother and homemaker the best it can possibly be. It does not have alternatives. I do not promise to give fair treatment to those who do not wish to be home, who are not wanting to marry, do not want to honor their husbands, and who do not want to keep house. It addresses those who really want to do it.

Take a break from this article and go here http://coffeecatholic.blogspot.com/2008/05/manipulating-others-using-hurt-feelings.html to see how one woman in the UK is handling the argumentive naysayers on her blog. They have the same "you are offending me" attitudes that the flamers on my blog have, and I think her post has exposed them. Also, look at the articles on her blog, here http://coffeecatholic.blogspot.com/.

A new way of thinking amongst many people is that if someone is doing very well, they are doing it at the expense of someone else. If someone is doing something successfully or has developed a nice skill, they are somehow condemning and judging everyone else. If someone has a successful marriage and family life they are being hateful toward those who does not. This is the kind of attitude that Marxists (see the Marxism/Feminism connection on Rob Fedder's blog "No Ma'am, and Vox Day's blog) depend on in order to create strife so that people will riot when they blow their bugle.

The "its not fair" mentality seems to be the pervading theme in the minds of many students, who are people you would think of as being open to new ideas and eager learners of truth outside of the things dictated to them through textbooks. Unfortunately, from my mail, it is apparent that many students think everyone that is doing something they are not doing is somehow putting them down. I do not know where this mentality comes from, unless it is a result of extreme isolation from the real world of marriage, home and family.

Some of the critics of this blog have a hatred for the past, particularly the Victorian era. One book they need to read to clear their minds is "Simple Social Graces" by Linda Lichter. I have explained how this book can clear up some of the myths about that era (i.e. that because most women preferred to be wives, mothers and homemakers, that they were not fulfilled, or that they were unhappy, repressed, downtrodden, poor, hated, beaten and starved, etc.)

This book shows how the 1920's generation rebelled against their authorities and brought down the niceties of the civilized era that they lived in. It shows how rumors were created about the past to prevent people from going back to the good ways, and to usher in the new ways. Many of these myths keep young women from following their natural desires to be wives, mothers and homemakers. This book needs to be added to their personal curriculum of voluntary learning.

I have said all that to counter-act the amount of frivolous mail I get saying that I am prejudiced against women who work, women who send their children outside the home for education, and women who do not do their own housework. If you are working outside the home, does that mean you hate all homemakers? If you are sending your children to government schools, does that mean you hate homeschool families? If you do not attend worship services does that mean you hate those who do? I doubt it!

Now and then there is a totally silly comment that people here are acting like they are above everyone else. I assure you that homemakers are a very private group that do not have time to meddle in other people's lives and do not have time to organize other people's homes. Mostly, their blogs are sharing what can be done at home that lift up the family and give a positive view of home keeping.

I read in the news in the UK about a woman who merely had a blog about baking and knitting. Immature women flamed her constantly, posting rude comments on her blog, even though all she was doing was making her life better at home. She later wrote a book and was trashed continually in the news. This comes from envy, and I've said before, envy is immature.

If you cannot see what advantages you have in life, and indeed, blessings you have that others do not, you will never be happy. I watch some of the students blogs, particularly girls. They spend their spare time trashing other people and satirizing homemakers articles about cooking, cleaning, decorating and sewing. After some observation over a couple of years time, I noticed that about every five posts comes one where the blogger will tell how low they feel; how depressed they are; how they hope they do not end up in a mental facility. All this negative attitude eventually adds up to depression. Many of them deny the existence of God and mock the name of Christ all week. They sometimes become very, very ill later on.

You cannot put envious, mocking thoughts in your head constantly and hope to have a happy outlook on life. If young students spend the week days vilifying whatever is good and pure and lovely, it is no wonder that the thoughts will eventually pressurize their heads so much that they will be driven to drink all week end. I wrote several articles which have not been labeled yet, about how we have to be as careful what we say and think as we do putting pure food into our bodies. If a person feeds his body junk food all week, it will not be surprising that he feel sick on the week end. After a week of crude remarks and rude come-backs, these girls will naturally be so sick of life they will sink into depression, which always follows.

If girls engage in jealous mockery, and put their nose in the air in a superior attitude towards the natural, God-given roles of women, all week, they should know that it will come back on their heads by the end of the week. They will feel down. They will not feel life has worth. They will feel though they are put down by others, but it is they who put themselves down, and they alone.

There are always those who believe they know what is best for women. We have seen it in all generations, from Margaret Sanger and Margaret Meade, to Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem, women who wrote books that pretended to elevate women, erstwhile, bringing them down from the glory of the home where they could truly be the queen of their castles and shine out to the world.

The only reliable, never changing principles for women to follow are found in the Bible. They begin in the Garden of Eden where Eve was given the job of being a help meet to her husband. Throughout the Old Testament we see women who desired to have husbands and children so much that they cried out to God. It was the most important thing to them. They could have been out in the field driving cattle or fixing wagon wheels, and perhaps some of them did, but that does not mean that they did not find the office of home-keeper the highest a woman could achieve.

In the New Testament, the book of First Timothy 5:15 shows that women should marry, bear children and keep house, so that the adversary could not find fault. Throughout the Bible we see that God had ordered the man, beginning from Adam, to toil to provide bread for his family. The New Testament specifically states: 1Ti 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. The words "his" and "he" indicate that it is the man of the house that is to be the provider. That does not mean that women can never earn money or provide, but that it is the job specifically given to the man.

When we send our children to others to be educated day in and day out, role reversals should be no surprise. They have special classes to help the children understand that there are no differences between the roles of men and women, and that the home is an archaic, outdated institution that must be replaced by the state. I will post quotes from socialists/communists/Marxists that prove this agenda on their part. Their last stronghold is the home and the church and if they can institutionalize everyone and put every bit of knowledge and every relationship in an institution fostered by the state, they will have achieved their goal.

What this blog is all about is to say you do not have to wait until all your friends have jumped on the bandwagon and gone home to raise their families. You do not have to wait until some government statistic says families can now live on the husband's income. You do not have to wait to do what is right and what is best for your children. You do not have to wait until homeschooling is popular and approved. You can take hold of the Bible now and do what God says do and go back to the old paths, where the good walk is, and where you will find peace. Following what the government media and the society says and does will bring constant upheaval, as they change their rules so often. One week the world is going to starve, and another week there are not enough children being born. Another week, according to the media, the children are not skilled enough in math, and another week they are all in danger of getting the bird flu. If you follow the status-quo you will get only misery and turmoil. The only thing that brings stability is the word of God, which truly liberates women to be home guiding the house with all her creativity and intelligence. Christ freed her long before women's lib enslaved her.

If you come here and you think you are being condemned, think again. If you decided to be a homemaker, you would find yourself being accused of being an elitist, conceited upper classed woman with no brains. Yet I doubt any successful home can be run by a stupid woman who smokes and drinks and parties all the time. Take a good look at yourself and ask how you are preparing for the future of having children? All the drugs and drinking and late nights will effect your ability to have children. Also, those who do have children may have problems emotionally bonding with them, if they have had substances in their youth. It takes a long, long time to get it out of your system.

Home life will be difficult to understand and adjust to if you as a young girl are used to living to please yourself. If you drink when you want to drink, partner with anyone you want anytime you want, and take pills when you feel down, you will not be able to face the challenges of the home. Taking care of a husband or children takes a great deal of sacrifice. It means putting away your own selfish desires and doing what is best for others in your care. It means, in a sense, being the hero of the home. It means helping others in their destiny in life.

The student life does not adequately prepare women for marriage and family. It does not tell them how to prevent divorce and how to teach their own children. It does not teach them how to stay out of debt and built personal wealth within their own family. It does not tell them how to stay mentally balanced. The lifestyle that students are compelled to live and the living conditions are totally opposite to family life.

I would like to share something about the boys some of you young students are hanging around. You have a great power to influence these young men, if you would recognize and use that power. Instead of sinking to their level of crudeness, rise above it and inspire them to do so. In general, young men who drink and carouse around and party and go from girl to girl will not be good husbands and fathers and providers. If they are not responsible now, they will not be responsible later. Don't expect to meet a guy at a drug or drinking party and take him home and live happily ever after. You cannot make a purse out of a sow's ear. You cannot build a house out of rotten wood.

Many of the young men you look down your nose at because they are laborers or construction works, are more stable and more protective than the weak-willy-nilly men who do not want to exert themselves and make a home for you. If a man does not want to marry you and buy you a washer and a dryer and provide for you, do not flirt with him, date him, or live with him. If you meet a party guy, do not complain that he is irresponsible when you marry him. If you are a student, you should use some of that intellectual ability to discern between good guys and bad guys and save yourself a lot of grief.

A good man will not want to marry a party girl who does not have a purpose in life, so you will have to clean up your own act, as well. It might be fun to be carefree now, but one day you will desire a stable home and family. He that sows to the wind will reap the whirlwind.

This blog shares many people's experience of returning to the old paths, where the good walk is (Jeremiah 6:16) and their successes in the home. That is what it is for. It is not for the purpose of arguing. It is not for the purpose of condemning you if you are not doing this. But, if you want to do it, it is here with a lot of information, some of which might be something you are looking for.

The world needs more homemakers. Expensive homes are empty all day. The world needs more hospitality. In spite of women working outside the home, they suffer more loneliness and more doubts about their validity in their roles. The world needs more mothers at home. There are too many children with their faces pressed against the windows of the day cares they are left in, crying for their mothers to come and get them.

The world needs more older women teaching younger women how to love their husbands. In spite of the amount of dating and pairing up going on, there are too many divorces. Divorce used to be only in very extreme and rare cases. Now couples do not want to endure the difficulties, most of which could be overcome and make them stronger because of it. The world needs more women following the Biblical plan for women to be wives, mothers, homemakers. Titus 2 explains the role of older women and the task of younger women, perfectly.

The world does not need more women in the military, it needs more women at home. The world does not need more women in Universities. They have equalized the men now, so what else is there to prove? The world needs these young women helping young men to be good fathers and husbands, by being good homemakers and being serious about life. One of the best books I read when I was a girl was "Fascinating Womanhood" by Helen Andelin. The women's liberation had run roughshod over women, leading them to believe there was something better than marriage, home and family. Helen did her best to refute that, and although today young girls mock and sneer at the principles that she taught, (good character, house keeping, feminine appearance and attitudes, role distinctions, etc) the teachings have survived. This not because she invented them, but because she used the time-worn teachings that were handed down to us from the scriptures and from generations of women before us. Another book that was prominent at that time was called "She Hath Done What She Could," by Jane McWhorter. In this book she outlined all the responsibilities of women: care of children, care of husband, church responsibilities, helping the poor, teaching the lost, and much more. Lottie Beth Hobbs wrote, "Daughters of Eve," in which she described the attributes of the women mentioned in the Bible, and how they did God's will in the world. Some of these books are available still. Today there are a host of books available to help young women understand the importance of guiding and guarding their own homes: The Spirit of Loveliness by Emilie Barnes Creating a Sensational Home by Terri Willits Home Comforts by Cheryl Mendollsen Treasury of Homekeeping Skills Hopechest Legacy, and many more, too numerous to mention here.

If you are a young women who is not yet an experienced wife, mother and homemaker, it is important to educate yourself in these things before you can understand what we are talking about. I would not think of getting on your blogs and condemning you or accusing you of something. Occasionally I post an article on the dangers of feminism, but for the most part I like to show the joy of homemaking. I hope you will be blessed by it and not feel that anyone is putting you down. That is not my purpose at all. Most people become upset when they read something that they have a problem with. The things that we react to the most are usually the failings that we have.

I hope this explanation has been enlightening, and you will gain further understanding about my rules for posting. Though flexible, I follow the main principle that they should be for the purpose of uplifting the homemaker and reinforcing the homeschooler and the daughter at home. They should be helpful and not calculated to insult those who want to be home and do the right thing. They should not in any way demean the homemaker or the wife and mother, or the Biblical purpose for home.

Sometimes a post will not be published because it leads to a blog that will be a bad influence on someone, or because the blog endorses things that are not holy. Sometimes a post will not be published even if there is nothing wrong with it, because it will invite objections and quarrels, which take up too much time to delete or post. If you can post in such a way as to not come across as attacking or creating any kind of strife, you are more likely to be published. You always have the option of emailing me. You should know when you come here that you are entering a biased area. Everyone is biased about one thing or another. We have no trouble being biased when it comes to the food we like or dislike, or the colors we like to wear or decorate with it. We have no problem with being biased about the people we prefer to be with and those we do not. So, it cannot be that hard to understand that this blog is biased in favor of homemaking, wives, mothers, daughters, families and churches of Christ. This blog will be biased because I am pro-homemaker and pro-home education and pro-private enterprise and pro-family business and pro-men as providers and protectors. When you enter here, at least you should expect me to be biased.

This blog is being posted from the private and beautiful sanctuary of my home, where we are trying to bless one another with encouraging words and good works. Sometimes there are children standing over my shoulder when I read your comments. Therefore, when you, as a young person enter my home, you have to be on your best behavior. You cannot come here and say whatever you like without regard to the impression you will make in my home. If you do not behave yourself, you will not be allowed back, any more than I would invite a rude guest back to my house after they had eaten my well prepared, free dinner all the while hurtling insults at me and my family.

I would not dream of going to your house and deliberately trashing it and then demand to be accepted again. In this world, we are accustomed to being free to do what we want without restraint, but one day you will find that it is nothing but a fantasy world. The real world, that is, our homes and our families and our home education, our decorating, our cooking, our house keeping, our sewing, etc., is controlled by restraint. Taking captive every thought and not letting every single feeling depress others, is part of the way we conduct our home life.

The blog is not for teenagers and students who just want to express themselves. We have no "rights" in the real world of free speech. Freedom is not the right to do and say as we feel all the time, but the responsibility to do our duty. You may comment if the comments will not stir up trouble, and you must learn to be careful not to create comments that will cause arguments. It will be a great exercise in human relations and a good lesson in communication. Finally, no blogger is obligated to allow posts at all, and no one has a "right" to post or a right of free speech unless it is refined. Many girls who are used to having blogs of their own will come aboard and expect to post in the same manner in which they are accustomed. They want to post smart mouthed replies, innuendos and contradictions disguised in clever speech. That doesn't work here. If you want your post published, you cannot write anything that mocks or derides the beauty of the home and the family. Your comment has to be clear. You have to write in a classical way that will not shut out other generations.

You have to write in a way that is not condemning. You cannot start out calling me a hypocrite. You have to have a foundation, even a historical one, for your points, and you cannot just come here and jump around, madly shrieking and casting dust into the air, crying about your your rights. If you want to be read, you have to write legibly and use a little punctuation. I'm not claiming to be the best at grammar or spelling or punctuation, but I do not type with one hand unless I am holding a baby in the other. If I get 12 letters full of this feminist nonsense that has no shred of intelligence, I will condense them into one comment for time and space sake.

A lot of times you girls are just spouting off things you have been indoctrinated with all of your life through friends and media and institutions around you. You have to look at real life sometimes and see how it is working. A lot of people are book smart but not people smart. They have never spent time at home raising children, teaching them, relating to a husband, making a marriage successful, keeping out of debt, and yet they want to tell homemakers, working within the freedom of their own homes and families, that they are brainless. I assure you that brainless people do not teach their own children at home, nor help their husbands be successful in their own businesses, or are alert to needs and emergencies without having to listen to a bell. There is a greater force in homemaking because it is motivated by love, not by social pressure or education. There is more knowledge in homemaking not because it was studied, but because it was practiced.

Take a little time and think about what you are writing. In years to come when you have had some experience in the real world, you may change your mind about a lot of things. Do you want to look back with shame on words you posted that you cannot take back? .Imagine that you get only so many words in a lifetime and that they are like dollar bills. You don't want to waste any on useless language that doesn't really count. Let your words be numbered and do not speak unless they really matter.

Added: Here is the procedure that I follow regarding quarrelsome posts: If you post a question and someone here sincerely tries to answer it, I leave the post up. I will observe if you pick quarrels and seem to be looking for trouble. I may allow a couple of your posts to stick. However, once I figure out what you are up to, I will not only delete the recent post, I will go back to the very first time you ever posted, even if it was 3 years ago, and delete every single post you ever sent. This will make you understand how you can lose even your past prestige and privilege, and how I can remove your influence from way back. You may find whole threads of comments disappearing if you turn them into arguments. In the church, this is like first and second admonition. It is also casting out the scoffer, as Proverbs teaches. President Andrew Jackson told those who troubled our land that he would, by the hand of Almighty God, "route you out." On this blog, if you pretend to be amiable but later on your posts become devisive, you will be thoroughly routed out. Even your good comments will go bye-bye.

22 comments:

Lady-in-the-Making said...

*Stands and applauds* Bravo! Excellent post. I would like to reference this post on my own blog: Femininity Revisited (http://femininityrevisited.blogspot.com). Thank you for this insightful post. Your blog is one of my favorites that I visit each and every day!

Anonymous said...

Hear, hear! This is something that should be on every blog, in some form or another. There seem to be a lot of people who have nothing better to do than to surf the Internet, looking for blogs to post sarcastic or inflammatory remarks on, regardless of subject matter. I've begun to think that it's the same hundred people or so, because the writing style is so similar. They're everywhere, message boards, blogs, forums. They're very tedious, and I think they just like to say "no" when other people say "yes", like toddlers. I'm glad you took the time to make this post!

Anonymous said...

This is a good one. After having taught elementary school for twelve years, I have to say that never in my life have I worked harder than I do now with four children age five and under, and a husband working full time plus graduate school! Working hard?? Try staying home and you will know what hard work is! Good job, Lydia!

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

My daugher has four children and her husband is in graduate school, also. She is busy all the time. She also teaches her own children at home and it is a wonder to watch it. We share a lot of the work, and she lives nearby so it helps a lot.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your teachings. I wish I had been wise enough to listen to them. I even asked your advice about marrying someone who at the point did not support the fact that I wanted to stay at home with our children when we had them. You encouraged me not to marry him.

I was so stupid and I did so anyway. I married one of the weak willy-nilly men, and believe me, I am paying the huge price. I try to stay positive about our marriage, but there is not a lot to be happy about.

I encourage you to please keep teaching young ladies to marry men who want to take care of them, and who are hard working providers. They should not have it any other way.

Jill Farris said...

Dear Lady Lydia,

This was simply an excellent post. Why don't you change the title so that more of your readers are inclined to read it?
One thing I have struggled with (as I overcame my feminist upbringing) is understanding that a woman can be submissive and meek as well as strong in a godly way. You came across as a very strong woman in this post; you articulated your beliefs, you argued against the lies being propagated by the world, and you protected your "home" ie., blog. All in all you show forth a really excellent example of strong godliness which I think more aspiring homemakers need to "see".

Thank you and blessings to you!

Sincerely,

Jill Farris (Mrs. Doug Farris)

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Thanks for the good idea. It is an article which states the purpose of the blog, so maybe I will change the title or make it part of the theme article sections.
Your point about weakness vs. strength: the younger generation seems to be one of addiction and extremes. Moderation in all things is not understood. I've seen girls take submission to such an extreme as to give marriage a bad name. No one likes to be around girls who are constantly saying they can or cannot do something because their husbands won't "let" them. In reality, throughout history, women have always been able to control their families according to the way they conduct themselves. Even the Bible says that a husband can be won by the good conduct of his wife. In considering good conduct, there is much more to it than being agreeable. Good conduct means she knows what is acceptable and what is not. The wife was truly the guard of the home and she could not allow disruption, bad treatment, bad manners, etc. There is a gross misunderstanding of submission now, and it has been analyzed to death, so that girls end up being completely extreme in the way they do it. Women need to take control of the home and the family and guide it the right way. Men need to provide so that the women can do that. They need to then protect that effort and not let others impose on her or run her down, including the children. As for whether or not the woman should be home if her husband doesn't agree, I wonder what would happen if she, through conviction and belief in the scriptures, decided to have a clear conscience before God and become the guide and guard and keeper of the home full time. Would a husband who didn't agree get her out of bed, dress her and put her in the car and force her to drive to work? JUst as femininsm claims power and empowerment in one way, women have a power and empowerment in the home, if they would only take it. It is their realm, and they don't have to ask anyone's opinion about it if they know it to be right. It is sad that today to be a homemaker draws so much negative opinion, when everyone will agree that what we do is our own business. It puzzles me why anyone would object to a home maker blog and the influence it wields. After all, don't those who want to put women to work outside the home believe it is for her fulfillment and that it is a right? Yet if someone feels happier at home and more fulfilled, there are objections from people all around her. Instead, she ought to be congratulated and have a coming home party. She is being empowered and fulfilled, just what feminism teaches.

Jill Farris said...

Lady Lydia,

I think you've addressed a very important area that many younger women need to learn about. It is true that submission is taught to the exclusion of other areas of godly womanhood. For those of us who came out of feminist backgrounds we may over emphasize (or wrongly interpret) what godly submission is because we are trying to run as far away from the ugliness of feminism as we can. We grasp anything that is different than the angry militant women we saw growing up and we think it is godly submission. I'm not expressing myself very well but it's because I floundered around for so long trying to really grasp what a godly woman "looks" like and I still can't put a finger on where the teaching is really wrong.

I was fortunate (over a number of years) to observe several different women who were married to men who were heads of very large ministries. Every single one of them surprised me because they were all very practical, down-to-earth women. Several of them were beautiful and gracious but they weren't afraid to be straight forward in their speech as well as in their convictions. If you read anything about Ruth Graham (the wife of Billy) she was a very hard working, down-to-earth woman who was practical and, sometimes, forceful. She had to be in order to build a home (literally...she oversaw all the building of their large cabin), raise the children and withstand the pressures of being in the public eye while her husband was gone for months at a time!
We were members of Wycliffe Bible Translators and I was priveledged to go to tea at Elaine Townsend's home (the wife of founder Cam Townsend). She would tell stories of being on furlough and trying to dry cloth diapers as they traveled with their four children by holding the diapers out the window as they drove along. She laughed at those sorts of memories as well as living in a tent overseas for many years. She was another strong woman with a real faith who would be amazed that anyone would wait around and ask her husband permission to do every little thing. He relied on her to get things done so he was free to travel and see Bible Translation work started all over the world.

Please post on this subject of being a strong, godly woman. Many of us really are groping in the dark and many dear women (as well as men) are deceived about what it means to be a godly woman.

Still learning after all these years,

Mrs. Doug Farris

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this. May I ask advice here. I am a stay at home mother. I am more educated than my husband, he dropped out of college. When I married him I was a different person, I thought he would be someone I could control, I would have a career and he would do whatever I wanted. The Lord changed my heart once I became a mother, I could not go back to work and now I am homeschooling my children.

My issue is how do I put my ego aside and accept my husband as he is, even if he is not a professional with a high salary. He provides all our needs but I wish he was more ambitious. How can I gently guide him to be more successful?

Sometimes I think, I should just let go and let God. That I need to focus on my children and home and just accept whatever my husband brings home. I guess I get embarrassed sometimes by our lack of material wealth compared to our friends and acquaintances.

Your thoughts or advice is greatly appreciated.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Anwers from other readers are certainly welcome. I will post more when I have time.

Anonymous said...

Annonymous,

I'm going to jump here with my two cents worth!
Begin (of course) by praying for your husband. A helpful book with specific prayers is the book by Stormie Omartian The Power of a Praying Wife.

The chapter on praying for his work is very helpful and (as she mentions there) often when you see a man who has found his niche in life he has had a praying woman behind him...I started praying more fervently for my sons to find their calling early in life after I read those words.

Prayer helps us to put aside a critical spirit and accept our husband as he is. Your husband may have a very steady, complacent personality but that doesn't mean he has to "settle" for a humdrum life! He could be a janitor who has a great vision for his work and the people he serves...he could be a janitor with a calling! Or he could be a very wealthy man with many degrees who is only in it for the money....and he still wouldn't be happy and content. I'm sure you see the difference don't you?

Some men have become defeated very early in life and truly don't believe they live an out-of-the ordinary life. This is when a wife needs to keep herself encouraged in the Word and to ask God for a vision for her husband that will keep them both going until the husbands rises up into the position God has for him.

Remember that your idea of what a godly, successful man looks like may differ from the real thing! While you are praying for him and waiting on God you can raise his children and keep his house in such a way that he looks successful to everyone who knows him. Nothing is sadder than seeing a man who is successful in his work who has a chaotic, messy home and a down-trodden wife!

BTW-My parents were Ivy league "scholars" and I knew many people with Ph.D's from Harvard and Yale. Some of them lived in filth and practiced perverted lifestyles. An education apart from godliness is a curse.

As a young wife and mother I remember meeting people and being asked "What do you do?". I always felt like I needed to let people know that even though I stayed at home with my baby I DID have a college degree. The day finally came when I realized that a degree didn't define who I was...I felt such freedom in releasing that to God and not mentioning it at all!

When we release our husbands they usually far surpass any hopes and dreams we have for them!

Blessing to you in your quest to be a blessing to you husband!

Sincerely,

Mrs. Doug Farris

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

To the one who thought there were only 100 immature girls posting the same trivial insults: I heard Basil Fawlty on Fawlty Towers say that "there is only one brain between the lot of them." It is possible there are only 20 such people who make life difficult on the web for hundreds of others, but they all say the same thing. Maybe they got the same programming. I find the homemakers a thousand times more intelligent in their posts and there is never a ridiculous reply amongst them. I wonder what makes them so smart. Probably, marriage, children and homemaking. I don't know how that works but it seems that after a few years of serious homemaking, their wisdom increases.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

I delete a couple of these types of feminist comments each week: - all lacking in cohesive thought, all lacking in intelligence and maturity, all rants with disjointed sentences. I think to myself: you went to college for THIS? No wonder people want to educate their daughters at home. I'd LOVE to get into one of those women's studies classes as a teacher and refer them to some other intelligence outside of their own. I would highly recommend "Simple Social Graces" which refutes modern feminism, and which trounces the fable that Victorian women were unhappy, starved and beaten, with no rights. They actually had more rights and freedom than we do today, and they were safer in society and at home. The young women certainly weren't full of the common gutter talk that they are today! ONce in awhile I let one rude comment stick, just to be fair and to show what is "out there" and what kind of "intelligent life" is coming out of colleges and Universities. However in order to protect themselves from being attacked by hordes of them on their blogs, all my friends have to resort to being anonymous when they comment.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lady Lydia,

What do I do now that I have been in college for six years? I have $45,000 in student loans, and with interest I am sure it will increase. I will soon have my degree, but I have changed my views on femininity as God has created it. I no longer wish to be a career woman. I have left one university to attend the one near my parents' home. I now live with them. My elderly father, who cannot work much longer, requires that I finish my schooling and that I pay off my loans. How can I be a daughter at home in this situation? I wish to work in a library because I have done so before and feel very comfortably feminine in that job. But it will take many years to repay my enormous debts. God has also called me to the single life. I feel very distraught about this. What suggestions would you have for those of us who wish to live out our feminine calling but our earlier choices have made it seemingly impossible? Encouragement and advice would be a great post for us.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Others who have personal experience with this might be able to add some useful insight.

I have written in several different posts that every time we charge or spend, we get closer to "the street" as I call it: having to leave the home and go to work to pay for it. In this case, it looks like you will have to pay it off.

Student loans are like sharks, in some ways. There are all these shiny brochures and all the opportunites reaching out to the girls who do not really have the money. They seem to swoop down on the student when they do not know exactly what they should do about the money. College costs go up when they know that students can get loans. They are getting loans, so why not up the price? They can get that price,if only the students will get the loans.



It is also incredibly easy to get a student loan and even the people who would not qualify for any other kind of a loan, can get them. They come at a time when young people are the most vulnerable and want to answer the question, "What am I going to do with my life." Both the military and the student loan companies know this is a time of transition so they send out cards with things on them asking if they know anything about their "future." No one knows anything about their future for sure, so they capitalize on that.

If you could possibly get someone else to lend you the money and pay the loan back, paying a lower interest or no interest to the person, you could get it off your back, but then you would have to pay the other person back and still have to go to work.

If a woman has debt, she has to pay it off, and it is better to pay it off before she gets married. Men do not like to come pay off a woman's debts, and it is not fair to them to have to do so.

If you live at home, it would help a great deal to pay off this loan, if you didn't have to pay rent.

I wish there was a way to reach the young girls before they get the student loans! They are a real trap, because they do not give you anything you can hold in your hand, like a car or a house or a business, etc. and you are stuck working to pay them off.

Now if there was a loan company that would come just at the turning point in your life when girls want to marry and have children, they could offer the loan easily to them for a HOUSE.

I do not know why they offer loans to students who have no way of paying it back --they are doing it against the expectations of the future: the loan companies expect the education will give you a great job with lots of money to pay them back, but in reality it is even harder to pay them back when you get a job because of the expenses of working, paying rent, eating, etc. But wouldn't it be better to give kids loans for HOUSES that they can sell later on? At least they wold have SOMETHING.

I've often said the girls would be better off buying a house than buying an education. An education is nice but there are other ways of getting it without a loan. And, a house can be sold and a profit made. The only way to make a profit from your education is to get a job, and it will take a long time to pay off the loan and get on your feet.

And that is a round about way of saying, yes, you'll have to work and pay it off unless you can find another solution. I wish students would all together refuse to pay interest on those loans. Perhaps you can think of a creative way to get rid of this debt and still stay home. Many people are earning money off the web from their online shops. There are other ways of earning money besides being tied down to a 9-5 job away from home.

Anonymous said...

Excellent blog introduction,Lady Lydia. I have to say that the stay at home moms I know work harder than anyone I know, and they also have more opportunity to volunteer and help others during the day. I admire them greatly.

If the young lady above is at all interested in teaching she might consider living in Alaska for a few years because they pay enough to get rid of debt quickly, and it may be possible to have the debt reduced since it is not the most attractive area for new teachers.

Also, she might consider a degree in Communication Disorders because it is a way to serve others,is in great demand, pays well, and overseas job possibilities are available.

I'm in the same boat as the woman with student loan debts and since I'm older I know I'll like as not never be able to marry (only a rich man could pay off this debt and I'm not a goldigger nor do I travel in those circles),but after a divorce,fragile health, and with poor,older divorced parents , I needed to get an education so I can live decently (meaning in a safe neighborhood). My father cannot take care of me and his second wife would not stand for it even if he could.(I'll probably be dead before the loans are paid off.)

I wish I had done things differently and known better, but that's just the way things have come out.

Oh, I recently read the back of a vitamin water bottle and it actually disparaged the make-breakfast-in-the-morning mom as a loser. Sad.

Things Least Expected said...

Hi! I think that was a cool post.

Survivalwoman said...

Thank You For Accepting Me as I am , as God made me , and as god intended me to be. So Often I am shooed away for my non traditional stances and positions in life.

I have been to so many good blogs and sites that are filled with information and knowledge and passions that I share , just to be judged before people even know me. TO be shooed away or bombarded with irrelevant data that i have memorized just as well.

this is the first site where i have been welcomed , greeted with honesty and not made to feel automatically judged based solely on my station in life.

Thank You
May all See you as you are and may you always be blessed

Anonymous said...

Thankyou, so well put. I also enjoyed your book about your childhood that you kindly sent to Australia through your parents.

A Pretty Home said...

Dear Lady Lydia,
I happened to check your post today and was looking through your blog and came across this message on your sidebar. I just finished reading this and I have to say a huge Thank you. I almost cried when I read it, I wanted to stand up and clap and my heart was leaping because of what you wrote. Thank you for picking up for the homemaker and not allowing anyone to come to your blog to tear us down.
Its not easy being a homemaker in this day and age. People that dont understand yet the importance of this role seem to like to pick on us and put us down because its more "popular" to have a career instead.
And as a homemaker that is blogging, I dont need or want to read peoples comments that are trying to hurt me. I like to go to a blog where I get encouragement as a homemaker and I get great ideas for decorating, cooking, cleaning etc.
So I appreciate your stand. Thanks kindly.

Sincerely,
Candy

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

If you have an image of homemakers as ladies with their hair done regularly in a salon, or fake nails, lots of jewelry, and expensive clothes, you have not known any real homemakers. In real life, practicality demands simplicity. There is a type of reverse snobbery, however, often found amongst the young (especially those who think they are intellectual) to dress down and look as poor and frumpy as they can...it is a pity, since that will translate into the workplace where they are bound, and if they do decide to become homemakers, they will continue to dress as though they are beggars and not participators of the riches of the home and the family. We are not dressed to the hilt with showey clothes and nails and hair styles, but we are not hanging around in depressing clothing.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Interesting how much more highly respected the workplace is getting, than the home. One shocking example is that women who want to quit work, will not simply walk out or not show up.They feel obligated to give a month's notice, and in some cases, work things out with their employers (and end up still working). Employers are often deeply offended when people resign, and there are laws in place to protect them and laws to protect the women regarding sudden dismissal. Compare that to the woefully unprotected home and family. A marriage partner can walk out with out giving notice, without negotiating, and in many cases without a reason. He can walk out because he felt like it or because he wasn't happy. (As we all know, happiness no matter what is the goal of many people, no matter how unhappy you make others while pursuing your own selfish happiness)--in short, the home can be abandoned, the marriage can be abandoned, and it doesn't require by law, any kind of grace period or time to reconsider, anymore. Now, a husband or wife can simply walk away, and there is not allowed any kind of protest. The employment place gets better treatment than the home. How far we haven't come!

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