Monday, January 23, 2006
Keeping Your Marriage
Obviously, most people repeat the lines "better or worse" during their wedding ceremony. Too often these days, the couple interprets it as meaning "only when things are going well for us." or "for me."
Marriage is serious business. You must stay in it even if you don't like the person anymore, or if you've grown apart. You cannot quit your marriage if you meet someone you like better. You can't give it up because your wife got sick and can't work anymore, or because she lost her looks and got fatter. You can't quit even if you are arguing a lot. If you are tired of being married, you still can't quit. You can't divorce because of financial pressures or poverty. You can't abandon your marriage even if you think you were married too young or too quickly. Many couples married during the war in the 40's in a hurry, without much of a wedding, and lived to see their 50th and 60th wedding anniversaries.
Just apply the above childish attitudes to your college or your work and see how it would turn out if you applied the same mentality to that commitment.
Everyone should be aware that there is a strong pressure being applied from all different sources on your marriage relationship. Remember that the enemy is not the people around you as much as it is the philosophy behind it all--divisiveness. You'll see it on television, read it in magazines, hear it conversations---the little snide comments criticising wives or husbands, putting them down, and ridiculing the marriage relationship. Add to that the in-law jokes and the sit-coms that portray in-laws as outlaws, and you can come away feeling that there is a war going on in your home.
Remember to speak only good of your mate to others, and to remind your mate to only speak good of you. Make that a hard, fast rule and don't let anyone believe for a moment that you are unhappy with your mate, or they will come right in there and put a wedge between you. Even jokes sometimes can lead others to believe you don't love each other.
Marriage is for better or for worse, but many people want to bail out when the "for worse" part comes. And what is the outcome for all this effort? Each time you overcome diversity in marriage, you strengthen it. Staying in it through thick and thin, increases its chances of survival.
If you don't bail out when there is trouble, but are willing to see it through, no matter what the cost, you will reap results that will make you glad you stuck it through. Later on when you are older, you'll have something to give you credibility: an enduring marriage. This makes you a good example to younger folks. This helps your family become stronger. Instead of his kids and her kids and separate birthday parties, you'll find a wholesome family attending all your social events. Instead of brokenness in the home, you'll be able to use your knowledge to reinforce the marriages of others.
So maybe you are wondering what the larger significance of a lifetime marriage is. It is significant because a nation of strong marriages will have strong families whose loyalties cannot be divided by new philosophies or twisted values. The enemies of our country know this and are ever seeking to find ways to convince people that marriage isn't worthwhile; that it is archaic and not to be taken seriously. The one thing that is necessary to control a nation is to break up the home.
Jane Adams, wife of John Adams, the 2nd President of the United States, wrote to her son when he was an ambassador in Europe, " The habits of a vigorous mind are formed when contending with difficuties." The challenge of marriage is to make it the best you can, and to present something good and beautiful to the world. This can often be achieved by the simple act of loyalty in word and deed. Those who stay together through all difficulties can develop good minds and good judgement.
Marriage is more than two people loving each other. It is the building of an estate together, and, in some cases, a family dynasty, a society in itself. Several couples I know who had problems, stuck together and came out much further ahead than their friends who decided to call it quits. Now they have their property paid for, and it is worth much more than it was 40 years ago. Divorce puts you debt and makes each party poorer. Marriage is not just about property and money. It is also a strong, protective barrier against outside stress and attack. The longer you are married, the more seriously you'll be regarded. How can anyone be trusted in business or with heavy responsibility that requires patience and longevity, if they leave their own mate?
There is an attack on older marriages these days. People who have been together 20 and 30 years or more, are getting divorced. They feel that the marriage is "dead" and that they must "move on." They believe that the person they are married to now is not the same person as when they married him. (Let us hope that he isn't, in some respects!)) If you abandon your marriage, you miss out on the different, progressing stages of married life that benefit you both physically and emotionally. Marriage was designed by God as a support system for one man and one woman, throughout the varying changes in their lives. Leaving the marriage only results in stunted growth. Marrying again and again leaves the marriages in a perpetually infantile state of maturity.
Note: I realize there are a lot of innocent people who have been divorced against their will, through no fault of their own. I'm not condemning the divorced, just the action of divorce, which devastates so many for generations.
Cherished by Susan Rios from www.susanrios.inc