Sunday, May 10, 2009

When Children Are Grown



Generations, by Loren Entz


Maybe you have no children, and have been taking care of the business of home for many years. All of a sudden, it seems like you are getting pressure from all sides to quit your job at home and go get outside work for wages. *Or, perhaps you have raised your children and the world sees that as a end to your duties at home. You are on the receiving end of remarks like, "When are you going to to get a job?" or, "Don't you know the economy is going to get bad? Shouldn't you get a job and help out?"



While this is typical of the remarks you might get from the world, it is disappointing to hear it from Christian women. Sometimes even elders wives and preacher's wives will advise women to leave the home and go to work when their children are grown. It shows how far away from the teachings of Christ that they have strayed. It shows how much they are paying attention to social reports and how little they are paying attention to God's word. It shows how dependent upon circumstances they are, rather than being dependent upon God.

You can read more about this in my article, "Do What God Says Do, And Let Him Take Care of the Rest." The comments there are also very informative.

There are many women who always thought they would enter the job market when their children grew up and left home, but they found out the work at home is never done, and only seems to escalate when the children are gone. While once the children mowed the grass, did the laundry, cooked, checked the mail, answered the phone, and even took over the driving for errands, now it is all left to the homemaker again.

She finds also that life after the children are grown begins to move much more swiftly, so much so, that she cannot keep up. She will find she accomplishes even less, now, as she must not only take care of the home, but catch up on things she put off while the children were home. If she never had children, she finds the demands on her time are enormous. She may have her husband's parents to tend to, to check on, or to take out on appointments. She may also have her own parents who depend on her.

Mothers of grown children find that they are still as active in their lives as they ever were, if not, more. This is because now that the care and training is finished, there are places to go and things to do with adult children. Some children who marry, prefer to socialize with their parents and grandparents. Most moms who raised their children in a Christian home, and many of those who educated their own children, find that these adult children prefer the company of their mothers. This takes much, much time. People who do not have this closeness, will not understand. They will want you to be out working and bringing in money. They will not understand the necessity of your being at home, creating an orderly life for your family, or taking care of the needs of others.

Sometimes there are grown daughters who are looking forward to getting married and having their own home, until someone comes along and intimidates them. "Why aren't you going to college?" they ask. I warn you not to say "I can't afford it," because someone will always find you a loan and then your daughter will be working for years and years to pay for it. Her dream will get further and further away as the interest on her Sallie Mae mounts. These people have been somewhat programmed by the messages they hear over and over that education is more important than families.

Feminism was a social engineering program to give young women careers instead of families, and it begins with the kind of education you allow your daughter to have. Public schools and many colleges have a great deal of feminist influence. From the very beginning of public school, girls are taught that they will be in a career. Very little, if any of that education, will help them have a long lasting marriage and raise good children with strong spiritual values.

I discussed how those college years take over the most fertile years of their youth, the years when they should be having children, carrying them, lifting them, taking care of them, in my article called "Don't Miss Out on Life". In this post, I showed how striving after more and more education, and then higher and higher career moves, takes up a major part of one's life. Even in the 1800's, women who made great accomplishments in life, were known to have said, "I would have traded it all for marriage and a home." (See the May edition of The Pleasant Times for more quotes like this.

If a young woman has training in a field that will never go out of business, she will still have a lot of competition to get the job and to stay in it.She will have to continually update her education in order to keep abreast of the career.This can be stressful and expensive. She may not stay in the career; she may grow tired of it and want a change, even after all that.

If your grown daughter wants to be home and practice for being a wife and mother or homemaker in her own home, she will not have any competition. Her home will be her own and she will be the queen of it. Think of homemaking as owning one's own business, without competition. Just when she thinks that homemaking and taking care of a family might be monotonous, things begin to change. People in the family mature, there are new family events, and things in the house change too. There is always something going on at home. There is also the opportunity to change your life whenever you want to, without taking it to a staff meeting or passing it through congress.

If intimidating comments are getting you down, you might try saying something like, "I'm still studying that question for a good answer. I do not have all the answers. I am determined to do God's will as it is laid out in His written Word. I want to be an example to my daughter by being a guide of the home."

Other answers might be:

"When I get everything caught up at home, then I'll consider getting a job outside the home."

"If there is an economic depression, there will not be many jobs available. I'll let the women who have no providers in their families, have those jobs."

"My husband has left provision for us in case something happens to him. Right now, we are able to live on his salary and it is a great source of satisfaction for him."

"I am still needed at home. I must do my duty."

"If it really bothers you, please come to tea and my daughter and I will be able to explain it to you at length."

If there are those in churches who are chiming in with the world's belief that women without children ought to be working, then they fall under the category of the "unbeliever." Of course, they may believe in God, and attend church, but in certain areas, they have doubts. The way to teach some unbelievers is the same way as winning unbelieving husbands: without the word, and by their good conduct. The way you live will make a believer out of them. (Ist Peter 3:1)

I cannot tell you how strengthening it is just to have one lady in a congregation who is staying home, dedicated to the needs of her family. That one woman makes others feel that it is okay to be home. That one dedicated life flows outwards to the lives of others and gives them courage. Just doing what you do exposes others to the idea of it. They get used to it. After seeing you, week after week, it starts to seem normal to them.

has some good posts to encourage women at home who have heard "those" remarks about going to "work."


*Wages are supposed to be an equal exchange of your time, for money. When you go to work outside the home, you give up the time you would spend maintaining the home, in exchange for money. If it necessitates putting your children in daycare, you are also exchanging their time at home for that wage. There are extreme exceptions and emergencies, but these are not the norm.
Brenda writes:
I've certainly enjoyed the comments as well. I have been thinking about something lately that bothers me, concerning all the emphasis put on having women in the work force (in addition to the very valid observations made here): it's as though we've allowed our pride in the well-known "work ethic" to be perverted in some cases, & to grow to monstrous proportions in others. This cannot be what God intended. For instance, think about the "self esteem" movement that governed every word an adult said to a younger person. I would hear the phrase "Good job!" spoken to someone who had done nothing to merit such praise [please know that I am not referring to the extremely young child, who needs lots of encouragment for many things :o)]. But then, we (society) turn around & rail against any woman who would dare to give her best, & use her intellect & skills to bring sanity, harmony, peace, & beauty into her own home. It's so twisted. I'm so weary of hearing & reading things that extol the virtues of family togetherness..."make time for your kids!"... & how "it's the little things that matter most", & then hold the person who can make all this a reality in such low regard.
I haven't, truthfully, been the recipient of very much negativity concerning my stay-at-home position. If so, I usually just smile & carry on with the facts, no different than if I'd been discussing the weather with the person talking to me. Still, it hurts to read about other women who DO feel as though they're being scrutinized & interrogated. Stay the course, ladies!!! Your husband needs you, your children need you, & yes, whatever country you call home needs you. :o)
My comment:
Brenda, You are right about the over concern that we are "working." Our own mothers and grandmothers were so much more natural in their roles that they saw more to it than work. Work was just a part of it. However in high school and some colleges, even guys are taught that a woman at home is just freeloading and that she should pull her fair share of the load. That is how perverted the woman's purpose at home has become in the eyes of those who teach contrary things.
A lower importance is put on the home guide because there is no "pay" involved. The one who gets money is considered more worthwhile, and of course, no one wants to be inferior or be accused of "not working." In the eyes of the world, pay and work go hand in hand, but in the Lord's eyes, we are valuable whether we are doing something for money or not. In actual fact, the homemaker is doing some of it for financial reasons, because her actions help the husband's money stay in the family instead of going out the door for every product or service. That way they can hang on to what belongs to them and not part with every penny as soon as it comes in. There is a lot more to it than finances the wife athome has been turned into a source of debate and politic.
I wonder when these paintings of the 19th century were done, if the populace felt the same way about women. Why would a painter put a woman at home in such good light, if the political climate thought she was not earning her keep, or looked down on being a home guide. Many men at the time sought wives to save them from a "bleak life" (a term used in stories of the era), of loneliness and comfortless homes.
To have a woman at home meant you would be looked after, in exchange for being provided for. Now the powers that be think they have a better system but look what it leads to: women not able to be free to be home, whether they can work every minute, or whether they just want to rest.
In our grandmothers day, as long as the woman was home, no one dictated to her how her day would be spent. and no one would have dared to ridicule or question her decision to be at home. Actually she didnt even have to make a choice or a decision. She was in a privileged position and she was allowed to be home, even wanted, there.
It is important for men to be able to earn a living, but some of that depends upon the woman admiring that and giving a man honor for it. When he has that responsibility, which differs from hers, it gives him dignity and motivation. There is a good article http://denisdutton.com/baumeister.htm where some explains what motivates men to achieve. It takes some concentration to read, but it would clear up some misunderstandings about the interests that women have vs. the interests that men have. I will add to that idea that in marriage, men and women gain similar interests regarding the welfare of the family and the building of the home life, but they still will find themselves drawn to different responsibiities.

58 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes Dear Lydia, "Mothers of grown children find that they are still as active in their lives as they ever were, if not, more." I would never have imagined this to be the case while enjoying my role when my children were little but somehow this IS this way. "I am still needed at home. I must do my duty." What a privilege. Thanks for this post. From Linda.

Lady B said...

Lady Lydia, thanks for yet another lovely post. True the ideal situation would be to have women stay at home. They do a great job in stabilizing the home and making it more like home. Speaking from personal experience...we were raised by our grand mum, who was a traditional stay at home mum, last year in April 24th, 2008, she went to be with the Lord, but home has never been the same ever since...It was always nice going home knowing grandma was there to welcome you, ask about your day, listen, comfort and present you with a hearty home made meal...not fast food takeaways that are becoming the norm these days...as more and more women join the work force and the home delights suffers...!

Home is not just the house...its the people who live their that make it more homey especially those of the female gender called MOTHERS...& GRAND MOTHERS...Happy belated mothers day!

Beth said...

Hello Lady Lydia,
I was wondering if you know of any churches that believe in women staying home. It seems churches don't teach being a keeper at home, most women work. I feel alone in staying home.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Beth, the Bible teaches the freedom to women to be home, and that is what we need for our standard. Most churches leave the decision up to the personal conviction of the individual according to how seriously they want to take the scriptures. Since everyone has a different level of maturity and growth, people will vary, within church groups. Some religious groups tend to have more women at home, even though some of them do work in shops and bakeries of their own. It is not so much what a church teaches that makes the difference,but what the women teach to other women, and what the mothers teach their daughters. In the local church I belong to, there are no women in careers outside the home. In some churches where there are women at home, it is not because they believe it is a woman's role, but because they are retired from their careers or had to come home to care for an elderly parent or a grand child. It depends to a large extent on what is preached or taught in a church, but even when a preacher delivers a sermon on the subject, there will still be women who will say it is just a matter of opinion and that times and changed and you can no longer stay home. I remember elderly women saying that women ought to work outside the home so that they could help their husbands bring in a salary. The scripture they were studying was Titus 2 and Ist Timothy 5. THe teacher then asked the members of the Bible class to give an answer within those scriptures, and not their opinion. THe answers are there, and they haven't changed. You might have to be an ambassador in the area where you live. Churches are just groups of people and people come from all backgrounds and some will have a bit of growing to do before they realize the importance of guiding the home.

Sharon said...

This is so true and a truth I struggled with for a little while. I wrote a little bit about my struggle in the post "sah mom vs. sah wife"(3/4/09). Thanks for sharing this. Women need all the encouragement they can get on this issue.

FJ said...

Lydia, thanks for posting on my blog. As I mentioned, the one I'd feel is more relevant to your readers is my Corrupt.org family blog.

I haven't read the rest of the post yet, but regarding the economic meltdown piece & how people encourage mothers to get a job, I say, the entire reason we're in this position - in part - is because of this new idea that families need to be dual-income.

Dual-income families became a hip trend in, what, the 70s? So suddenly there are more people in the work force. Families that choose to be one-income are at a huge disadvantage because more people in the work force = more short term productivity = prices rise because people can afford more "stuff". Real estate goes up with the rest of it all, driving one-income families (like the one of which I'm a part) into apartments instead of houses in desireable communities.

Now that we've had a meltdown because banks decided to lend to anyone with a pulse & encouraged people to borrow their wealth instead of build it slowly over time, people are finally realizing that it doesn't make sense for two parents to work so one entire net income can go to day care providers (day care prices have risen with a higher %age of two-income families & increased demand for their service).

So next time someone tells you to go to work, ladies, tell them you're actually doing the economy a long-term favor by living in a one-income household :)

Persuaded said...

I am a single mom, and a homemaker. I feel most definitely called to be at home.. in fact I think you and I feel very similarly on the subject of women out in the marketplace. Even though I have young children at home, and I homeschool as well, I get some very snide comments and negative reactions to my choosing not to work outside of the home. I think it stems largely from the assumption that I *must* be on some kind of government assistance (I am not☺)

Sadly, I have even gotten this reaction from fellow Christians... one person quoted 2Thess 3:10 to me: If any will not work, neither let him eat. The church I attend now is somewhat better as we have many other homeschool families so at least no one there feels that I am not working, lol. However the pastor's wife works outside of the home, and she also has said that she loves doing so and feels fulfilled by it. She is a wonderful woman and I love her, but the whole lack of understanding as to the true vocation of women is so sad. My family are unbelievers and they do not understand why I am a homemaker... they feel it is wrong, actually.

I appreciate your post so much. The encouragement for women to be at home, making homes for their families is so needed! Bless you, dear♥

Anonymous said...

Hello,

I really enjoyed your post, thank you for always uplifting the homemaker!

A week or two ago, I attempted to email you regarding some Remain Publications magazines (Farm and Ranch Living, Country, Birds and Blooms) that I would like to give you but the email would not go through.


If you would like these, will you please email me?

farmhomelife at sbcglobal.net

Take Care,

Trixie

Mary at Civilla's Cyber Cafe said...

That was a wonderful post, Lydia. Many in my and my husband's family are surprised that I don't work outside the home even though my children are grown. Those were some good answers that you shared.

My husband is a pastor, and yes, it is dismaying that so many pastors' wives work outside the home now. But, you're right -- the Bible hasn't changed. I am glad for blogs like yours and others that encourage us to stay at home.

Yes, I have slowed down a lot and cannot do the amount of house and yard work that I did 10 years ago. I cannot imagine adding an outside job on top of that. There is plenty to do at home. Sometimes, the loneliness gets to me though, as there are no ladies my age to get together with for a coffee break or anything. Everybody works.

Women working outside the home and dual income couples, FJ, really started back in the 50's. I was born in 1953, and by the time I was in grammar school, it seemed like half of the mothers worked. As soon as the last one was in school, they got a job. It has escalated ever since. Many husbands pushed them out to work, wanting that extra income.

After women's lib, equal pay for equal work translated into everybody getting a woman's wage. Companies lost their commitment to paying a man a living wage, figuring "Ah, his wife can always work." We really shot ourselves in the foot with that one. Now, most women feel they have to work just to make ends meet or live in their cars.

Sometimes it is hard to fellowship even with other Christians, because they will pull down your resolve to stay at home.

Anonymous said...

I really like this response you shared:

"If there is an economic depression, there will not be many jobs available. I'll let the women who have no providers in their families, have those jobs."I'll have to remember that one, thanks! (o:

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Linda, I guess we have a picture in our minds of women whose children are gone, sitting around having tea with friends or shopping, etc., but the work gets piled up more and there is less help.

Lady B --There are more grandmothers today raising children, because the mothers cannot. They have not only raised their own children but are now drawing up the extra stamina to raise grandchildre. Some are too old and feeble to do so and some have no money. That is a good wake up call for mothers to be all they can be as mothers. Being raised by a grandmother must have been wonderful, and she showed you how to be a mother, by the experience of home that she gave you.


Sharon, your blog post will be great for women who are getting the discouraging words!


FJ The two income thingie is a myth. Lots of people have two or three or four incomes, just by the way they treat their one income and the way they live.


Persuaded: that scripture was interpreted by the Pilgrims in America to mean the men in providing for their own families. Of course it applies to women, too, and the DO WORK when they are at home. Whoever nitpicks with this verse is merely trying to say you should be making MONEY. That scripture does't mention money. IT says "provide". The woman does provide, in the guiding of the home. The man is supposed to provide the living, though.

Trixie, you can contact me at ladylydiaspeaks@comcast.net


Mary, when most women stayed home, big companies like Hersheys and Sears, would provide villages and houses for their employees to live in, so they could save money. They truly were committed to help a man make aliving for his family. WHen women started working, it made even the working man less compassionate toward helping a fellow man. He would just say, "You need to send your wife to work," when his brother was having financial difficulties, instead of helping through Christian benevolence.That is everyones answer these days. See how we run by our media and educational programming.

Michelle : I wonder what makes people think that in a depression there is suddenly going to be a lot of jobs available for homemakers? First of all, in the old depression, there were no jobs for anyone, male or female. Second of all, the career women will get the jobs because they will have trained for them. The homemaker will have to go through a training process and go to college, and then once she enters the workforce, she will not be allowed to give up the job. The husband or parents will say they spent too much on her education and training, to allow her to go in a differet direction, back to her home life. Thirdly, many jobs will shut down just because in a financial crises, people will not use so many services. They will become do-it-yourselfers, making their own meals, entertaining at home, watching Netflix, creating their own culture of the home, finding out how to repair their own things and mowing the lawn with an old fashioned motorless push mower, sewing their own clothes, etc. LIfe gets very interesting at home at crunch time. How would the homemaker find time to go to work in such a crisis? I see lots of photograhs of families in the depression times. The woman are still stirring the soup, and although everyone is very thin, it looks like some women still stayed home.It was probably due to some of these enterprising women that their families survived the depression.

However, the way people are talking, it is as though they think in a financial depression, all these jobs for women are going to be available. The men will sit at home with nothing to do, and the women will go to work?

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Persuaded: sorry, I mean, that scripture says WORK. People think it means the women have to provide for the family just like the men. However, they do work all the time at homek and everyone agrees women should not be lazy and should not over eat, especially if they dont do a thing around the house. You may be listening to people who have a disease like dyslexia, called "dyslogic" which my friend just told me about. It is only curable by a good dose of reality.

Anonymous said...

Lady Lydia,
I was literally in tears as I read this. It is really about obeying Him. I guess peer pressure was getting to me but I have to just follow the Lord no matter what. I was reading this and It came to me I am not alone. I have a daughter to share my thoughts with and a loving husband. I wish all those that leave comments to get together and have tea and encourage each other!! It is a sad fact that many churches are buying into the world perception of womanhood.
I needed this post so much. It is a blessing to have sisters in the Lord that help us depend upon Him more!!! Thank you dear sister and may you and your family be Blessed!!

Thank You ,
Mrs Julie B

Elizabeth said...

I'm so glad that you have brought up this topic. I think what you are talking about comes in part from people no longer considering it important to make a home for a husband, whether or not there are children. When I was a new bride, I loved cooking meals for my husband and setting the table with our wedding gifts. Some time after my children left home, I realized that I had taken to throwing meals together -- not planning them as I had when the children were living in our household. It dawned on me, "Why shouldn't I be just as excited to make a home for my dear hubby as I was when I was a bride, before our children came along?"

So many women are pressured to justify being at home to the world, and the only acceptable answer to the world is having young children at home. So, I think many home keepers think of themselves as "stay-at-home moms" instead of wives, mothers, and keepers of the home. Then, when the children grow up, they no longer feel they have a justifiable reason to be in the home. But, being a wife is important!

Also, in our later years, we may need to watch our health and our husband's health more, as well. If we want to accomplish all that we want to do for God and in life, we may need to be at home so that we can cook special meals, get a little extra rest, etc. That can energize us to be an influence in our churches and community. My husband has more responsibility in his life than he did when we were newlyweds. So, he tells me he really appreciates a home where he can feel at peace. I forget how important that is,, sometimes, because I have extra responsibilities, too. But, since I have chosen to be a stay at home wife, it is very important to me to fulfill my role as a wife. Because the Proverbs 31 woman was so skilled in managing her household, her husband was able to take his place as a leader of his community.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree that women at home provide the ideal home life and we ought to educate our girls and young women to strive for this ideal. The question that I ponder often is: How do we (as a society) educate boys and young men to be the providers that God intends? Unfortunately, many men expect that women should work outside of the home. Unless a young woman meets a young man who was raised by a stay at home Mom, she may find it hard to meet someone who shares her desire to stay at home. Thank you for your thoughts on this matter.

Anonymous said...

I am a stay-home homeschooling mother of four children, ages six to twenty months. I would like to point out, though, that sometimes there is no alternative to finding part-time work. My husband wanted to go back to school, and although he didn't see it immediately, it became obvious that the only way it could happen was if I started earning money.

He really wanted it, and it was up to me to support him in this effort, so I found a babysitter twice a week so I could tutor in the public schools. This proved insufficient, so now I am also freelance-writing (not easy with four small children) and have been selling some valuables I no longer needed and was just keeping around - which has REALLY helped with decluttering; plus it freed up some very needed money.

I think it is possible, if necessary, to manage "all of this" if you are super-organized. I learned to streamline meals, especially dinner, by doing as much ahead as possible and being "super-planned". I found the Flylady and SavingDinner websites to be absolutely crucial to helping me stay on track....if people have trouble with planning, these are great resources.

I guess what I'm driving at is that sometimes being our husband's helpmeet requires supporting his decision to go back to school...aftr all, the reason he's doing this is because he wants to provide better for our growing family. Sometimes a wife needs to go back to work at least part-time to make this happen, because the money will not come out of the sky. This is also true for the family in debt. When my husband switched jobs last, his salary plummeted and we could barely afford basic things -- no matter how much we scrimped, we seemed to keep running ourselves into the ground. When I went back to work, we were able to pay a large portion of that off.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Julie, If you will check the homeakers on the links on the side of this blog,you will find many other homemakers who say the same thing: too many women at work makes a lonely and neglected neighborhood and it is hard to find encouragement when you know you are doing right but others think you are strange. I mentioned a scripture in Ist corinthians a few posts ago: "wherein they think it strange that you run not with them." People think it is strange when you dont follow the crowd or the trends.

I will know there is a real depression when the government cannot issue any more welfare checks.

Elizabeth: that is a good point. We do not stay home just because there are small children to look after. Even without them, there is a great purpose in it.

Anonymous: to find mates for your daughters, just make sure that they agree to be the sole provider before they enter into any kind of courtship. Young men are sometimes very agreeable to this, especially when they consider the prize they will be getting for it, which is often a wife that is very capable of managing the money and the home. Such women have made successful men. I know one woman whose husband agreed to that, and he only made $500.00 a month. Through her encouragement and her help, he rose up very high in his profession. Today he makes a lot more money, partly due to her efforrts.

Anonymous. Yes, you can get debts paid off faster if you take on a job with pay. I do know a woman who has two children and no husband. Even in that crisis situation, she refuses to leave her children in the care of others. She home teaches her children and she is preparing them to be good breadwinners. She found ways to support them without having to leave her home. Where there is a will, there is a way. There are also women whose husbands are in school again, in order to update their careers, who are still staying at home. This is less stress for them, so that there are not two adults trying to get ready to go somewhere, and trying to keep track of running the home. I understand how there will be women who can manage this, but many women know they have limitations and do not have the energy or the strength to keep up such a pace. Some women need a lot more rest and do not do well with strict schedules. Some women manage just fine going to work, keeping the house, and have time left over. However there are quite a few young women whose peace of mind will suffer if they have to leave their homes or children. If a husband wants to quit work and go back to school, he should first make some kind of plan of provision so that his wife and children are taken care of during the austere times. While you are doing well by working part time, others may not have to do it. Some women thrive better with their children around them, and will not leave them for work, no matter what the emergency is. What I am getting at, is that sometimes the first conclusion people draw as soon as a man goes back to school, is that the wife will automatically have to get a job. There are always alternatives to that, and some women I know are not having to get jobs, even though their husbands work. I've tried some of the organizational plans you mentioned, such as flylady. THey work until the day that I get unexpected company or have to go meet my husband somewhere, or have sick children down with colds. Then it comes to doing only what is necessary to cope from moment to moment, according the the needs of the family. The schedule does work well if a woman is in good health and does not have a lot of other demands on her time. I appreciate your mention of these programs.

Anonymous said...

Elizabeth you said what I have been thinking about all day !! I really think I fell into this. I felt ok as long as I was sah MOM but isn't my husband my first priority??? He is the one that worked very hard to make sure I could be at sahm. Doesn't he deserve this time devoted to him???
I am so encouraged by what everyone has commented!! You ladies are truly the Titus 2 women!!
Blessings,
Julie B

Anonymous said...

It is interesting in this so called recession, how there are so many drug stores, such as Walgreensm etc. being build, while other places that supported entire families have been closed down. Could pharmacuetical companies have a lot of money?

Anonymous said...

Lydia,

I'm one of those who needs time and doesn't thrive wel under pressure (even the one day of study per week and being away from home is rather urksome - it is my prayer that my hubby will embrace 'at home' fully for me and give me his blessing - God works upon this little by little). Re saving, even without daycare costs etc, for a couple either who have no children or whose children are grown, savings can be made (with only one car to service and maintain, for instance, only one lot of incidentals). From my own experience recently, we've been able to knock off our credit card debt fully, are able to pay our house off at higher rates (even though interest rates have droppped) which means we are storming ahead in this area. My hubby works shift work that is not easy and has some rather dreadful hours. because I'm home for a majority of time, we're able to spend it together whereas for so many couples with both out working where shiftwork is a factor, they hardly see each other, let alone the children.

As for income, what we would have paid on credit cards, we're now investing and even in this ecconomic climate have, by God's grace, made good gains. this is our money for emergencies, and support in our older age, giving us a good buffer even if my husband's employment disappeared.

As for the multinational pharmaceutical companies, one suspects they're thriving on people's suffering and misery that this post modern rat race holds so many in.

Blessings,

Sarah. ,

Emily (UK) said...

Thank you for your wisdom again.Although I did attend college at the instruction of my father,I always yearned for home.Shortly after I graduated I got married and became a housewife.The disdain of my fellow students (sometimes even male students, and some even Christians!) at the idea of me staying home to look after my Husband after I graduated is something I never understood-I can positively say it is the best role in the world and I am so thankful to be home. Blessings and thanks,
Emily.
P.S The booklet you wrote is wonderful-I read a little of it each time I take tea-its so encouraging

Janet said...

Dear Lady Lydia,

My daughter is finishing up her 11th grade in homeschooling. She is already getting a lot of tiresome questions regarding getting a job, having a career, and going to college. I personally do not want her getting a job until she graduates, unless it's with a Christian lady and does not interfere with her schoolwork, or leave her exhausted. As I told my family this weekend, she does not have any bills, so why does she automatically need a job when she gets her drivers license? She does not want to go to college at all and really just wants to be a homemaker. She is considering taking some courses at home. What would be a good response to all these questions?

I am a single mother, who's been able to be at home with my children and homeschool them, even in my situation. I have a home business and am so thankful to be able to work from home, but it is still hard to manage it all. I struggle and just cling to God's grace. Your post and the comments so far have been such an encouragement to me. Thank you for being such a faithful voice for mothers, wives, the home, and the family. We just don't hear it much from pastors or even ladies in our churches today. Lydia, I believe you said it before--people can survive on one income; single parents do it all the time. Yes, they may struggle, but they are still doing it! It has been worth it all to see how my girls are maturing in the Lord and to hear all the wonderful comments on them. I hope and pray it continues.

mrs. c said...

i find it so interesting that people find it easy to make comments about what others "should" be doing, the audacity! why on earth should anyone fel qualified to judge whether a woman works for a wage or not..i usually answer that my husband wont let me work, you should see the hens start clucking then!! about what a male chauvanist he is, who is he to tell me what to do, etc. if only they knew it's a blessing to have a husband who WANTS me home, to keep life comfy for us, and keep him company. silly people, they need to learn to be content with simple things, of lasting value.

mrs. c said...

an addemdum to my earlier post,i am educated as a registered nurse, and over the years have carefully chosen my own hours, and days of work, due to working for a nursing agency. the work is always there if i need it, and occasionally i pick up some hours when we are in a cash crisis. i also add that i never had my children in anyone elses care, except my husband, or mother in law. even that was not sufficient, as the guilt over being out of the home is enormous, and frankly, a husband is NOT a mother. he can "babysit", but it's no the same. so eventually, as time went on, i found God created situations that made it impossible for me to work outside the home. luckily, as we were one income for a long time, and still are, my frugal skills are great, i can squeeze a nickle so hard i get two dimes out of it. when i was younger it made me feel poor,and crummy, now it feels GREAT knowing i have the skills to survive if need be. teh bills are always taken care of, im happy at home, and so is my husband. but the people who know im a nurse cant understand WHY im home, and using my "potential".

Anonymous said...

Janet,
I have wondered the same thing. What is a good response to our daughter not going to college. I personally have told them she doesn't want to but she may go some day just to get them off my back. I feel guilty because I know I am saying that just to avoid a HUGE discussion on the subject. People talk about living your own life. They dont respect it. They really mean if you choose to live like us. I guess we have to learn to really not care about what others think period and show them our lives and the fruit. It is so funny the people that give me the advice are covered up in debt and money struggles. I guess that is not the best place to get advice!!

BLessings,
Julie B.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Julie and Janet,

I spent a lot of unnecessary time, in the days when people first started asking those questions, explaining in tedious detail my reasons for being home. I was amused to hear a younger woman, just starting out in her married life, answer an impertitent young boy, when he asked her for a reason for something she did, say, simply, "Because I LIKE it, and because life is short." It is best not to overwhelm people with facts, because they are only thinking on the surface. They do think about the future, but we are told not to worry about the future. The Proverbs 31 woman goes further and "Laughs" at the future. I'm not sure what that means, but it does not mean she is irresponsible and doesn't care about the future. She simply knows she has made provision for the future by the work that she does for her family and her home. If you are doing what God says do, that he will take care of you and it will all fall in to place. One of the best things you can do is to write a thesis on why you are home, and what kind of life you want to have, put it in a book, and hand it out to those who have questions you don't want to spend a lot of time arguing about. Say, "here are some of my reasons, if you care to look through it. No, just keep it." There are so many printing programs now on your own computer, and you can write in newsletter style, including pretty pictures that depict home and family and domestic things. You can write as though you are answering these questions that you get.

If anyone does take up the challenge of writing their personal reasons for not joining the workforce outside of the home, please be sure to send me an email copy!

You can also blog your reasons and then make a little business card with the blog address and hand it to them. That way, these people can follow your interests and your progress. Eventually they will see that nothing bad happened to you even though you did not follow the world's system.

You could also invite them to tea and scones and then after you have them all warmed up you can say, well, now, as to your question...." Spend some time making a list of your reasons so that you do not have to fumble and stutter out your response. Above all, dress up, look happy and radiant and confident. You might also emphasise that your first reaction is that the question is quite rude, and in fact, you would not think of asking a career woman why she doesn't stay home, as you figure that she guides her life according to her beliefs and her convictions. You can say, this is what we believe and so the way we live is a result of that belief. It takes a long time for some people to finally get the fact that it is a result of a belief. They are mostly focusing on worrying about whether or not it is financially feasible, and some people worry that the woman at home is unfulfilled and uneducated. women at home are much more educated and informed. I have had so many tea parties with these kinds of women and their knowledge is just so broad, it is better than a college education. They read books, learn how to do just anything they want, and they develop wisdom along the way. You miss out on a lot of that when you are working for someone else. The money makes itself wings and flys away, as there is always a need and always temptations to spend it. Most of these homemakers have more spendible cash than their working counterparts.

Mrs. Anna T said...

Thank you so much for your sweet encouragement, dear Lydia. I have talked about a related subject a couple of days ago - how even women who stay at home look at this as only a temporary stage, a phase, and can't wait to get back to the "real" world once their children are old enough to go to school. Of course, with such an attitude it's impossible to truly enjoy home life.

Anonymous said...

Regarding a husband going back to college to advance or change his career: it is still a man's Biblical responsiblity to provide for his family. If his studies take up too much time and do not enable him to work, he should still find a way to support his family during that time. He should make plans to get financial support for himself and his wife, so that she does not have to undergo the stress of working out, and leaving her children. There was a trend in the past for men to continue their education after marriage, and the wife would work at some menial, meaningless job, to suppor the two of them and any children, but when he got a job, she was still unable to quit, due to expenses they built up while he was in school. The man ought to figure out how to get his wife and children cared for if he is going to go to school.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Sarah--good point about the childless couple--they wont have the expense of children, so why the pressure to make the woman get a job outside the home? The same with the ones with grown children. The daily expenses will be somewhat reduced. When children are grown, or when people have no children, other people always act like it is a state of emergency and the woman MUST get a job. Yet they perfectly understand her being home when there are children there. It is one example of the dyslogic that is going around these days. Wouldnt the expenses be so bad with children, that the reaction of outsiders would be to offer the mother a job to help the husband and take some of the burden off him? Funny how "they" also want the homeschool daughter to get out and work, too, when she probably doesn't have many expenses and could take care of her financial needs through many different enterprises at home.

Aelwyn said...

In reading this post, I thought of two points. First of all, I have a college and graduate school education which I do not regret, but I do think people are wrong to think that this is the only type of education. (I speak as a former teacher.) If a person has self-discipline, education through a variety of resources can be done at home and for free. Of course, a student has to be taught from a somewhat early age how to be discerning about the sources of education, but this is true for one who goes to a college as well as for one who is self-educated.

I also had a thought about those who criticize mothers at home. I really don't think they mean to be anything other than helpful in most cases. I find it easier to find support in a conservative circle of church friends, the majority of whom are stay at home mothers. I think those who are critical truly believe that "it can't be done". I suffer from those feelings myself at times when I disobey Christ's command to not worry about tomorrow, but to focus on the present moment and His grace.

Anonymous said...

I loved this post and the many wonderful comments. I am a Grandmother now and still at home. I wouldn't want it any other way. My husband agrees. I did work a couple years when my children were almost full grown. I realized from being an at home wife to working then again at home the difference it made in me. I am so much more relaxed and attuned to what is needed here now. I have more time to look out for the health of my husband and be there for him and he with me as now I am Here! Oh I always got the very basics done but it was a struggle. I have time now for the extra touches. He will soon be retiring and again our lives will be different. I will no longer be home alone during the day. I know I will miss this but this is a part of life and with this change there will be new joys. I am therefore working towards that. Making sure our home will be comfy for him when he is here 24/7. There is plenty to occupy my time even if I never left our home. I love our home. Since I am here I have time to watch our expenses and garden and keep at the other money saving skills I have learned through the years. Since this economy has disolved some of our planned future retirement money this is even more important. I do this in love not as a job. We will be able to be with the Grandchildren and family more.
We hope to help more young families to learn the older ways. The church can always use volenteers and shut ins always need some encourgement. Life is always changing but home is always home. Keep your home a shelter from the world where your family feels love and serenity. Jody

Anonymous said...

Thank you, my husband and I have no children and we both work outside of the home. But my work is still "homemaking", I take care of 8-10 alzheimer's patients in a home environment. They are another family to me, it is stressful and rewarding. And then ofcourse I am a housewife in my own home, where I help my in-laws, and my side of the family. I have a college degree, but I don't use it. Well, I do for church work, but my life's focus is to take care of my home and helping others. I can't believe though, how many people think my life is full of leisure when I get home because we have no kids. I think they think I eat bon bons and watch tv all day. NOT. Thank you for your inspiring post.

Farmgirl said...

Dear Lydia, Thank you for this post. All of us who have chosen to be home need to be ready with an answer. Thank you for all the great ideas. :) I have one grown daughter at home still, and she is a great help....but when she was gone to England.....I realized, YES, there was MORE work to do...then you have to pick up the slack. It is a full time job keeping home and doing all that is involved with that. I love just staying home (I rarely go to town) and keeping things up, baking, gardening...etc. In these times I agree, who would hire someone who has been home for 20 years over someone who has had experience in the last 5 years!! I feel it my calling and it is my passion as well to make our home a refuge and place of rest from the storm of this world as it is right now. I am working hard to grow our food and stay home more which cuts down on cost of living. For 30 years that is what I have done, cut back here and there, thrifted, and by doing that I have been able to stay home......it would probably cost more for me to go to work. LOL. There is a peace and a contentment in being home and doing things for those who are home. Also, when people do bother us about working....we should be able to state with confidence why we are home and why we feel it is where God wants us....as well as our husbands....most people will not argue that. Thanks for much to ponder. Janice

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Janice: what a good idea to tell them how you feel, when they ask questions for your reasons for being home. "It is where I do best", or "I am more fulfilled tending to the home and family," and "My family still needs me at home." Even if there are no children, someone always needs a woman to be home. Women can relate to this when their husbands call from work wanting the women to get to a store or post office during working hours, or retrieving something they left behind, or helping when a car breaks down, or making a dinner at the last minute for a co-worker who is coming.

I often wonder if all women went to work, what would be the purpose of keeping stores open from 9-5. The women at home do their shopping in the day time.

Emmarinda said...

Re: the stores being open. What a joy to shop during the week in the daytime. My mother always told me if was wise to be done with shopping and errands early, and to be home by 3 o'clock in the afternoon. After that, she warned, the clientele in the stores tended to change into the rougher element, including worn-out people in a rush! Besides, after that was tea time!

Alexandra said...

Unless you can go out and make at the very least $50,000, it's not worth it! I was making close to $40,000(social service/L.E. field), and it barely made a dent. BTW, the women in the office(same position) were all paid less than the men! People talk; I found out, but that's another story. Another reason working was not worth it for me.

We are doing much better financially on my husband's income since I quit work in 2001. Makes me wonder where all the money was going! I was always frugal, but working outside the home costs money - daycare, meals, clothes, travel expenses, tutors, cleaning people, etc.

Of course the benefits to the children are immeasurable. We are a much happier family with me at home keeping things running smoothly. My husband can relax knowing that I've got his back, so to speak. We are a team, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am so happy now! I feel very blessed.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Emmarinda, If a lot of women at home go to work, it will contribute to ruining the local economy. Shops will sit empty and it will cost them more money just to stay open. Businesses ought to be happy for the homemaker's business during the day. It keeps their business alive.

Anonymous said...

I read the article and all the comments again. This is so refreshing and encouraging to me!!! It really comes down to our trust in Him when faced with adversity over our decison to be keepers of the home. Are we pleasers of men or pleaser of God? We cant serve both. I have never in my 20 yrs of being a Christian have never heard one sermon on Titus 2. I thought about that today. I am convinced it is fear that many would be offended and leave. That made me very sad. I think somewhere along the line things have gotten very jumbled up and men and woman are paying the price financially , emotionally and spiritually.

Julie B

Anonymous said...

A very fine post, Mrs. Sherman....& I've certainly enjoyed the comments as well. I have been thinking about something lately that bothers me, concerning all the emphasis put on having women in the work force (in addition to the very valid observations made here): it's as though we've allowed our pride in the well-known "work ethic" to be perverted in some cases, & to grow to monstrous proportions in others. This cannot be what God intended. For instance, think about the "self esteem" movement that governed every word an adult said to a younger person. I would hear the phrase "Good job!" spoken to someone who had done nothing to merit such praise [please know that I am not referring to the extremely young child, who needs lots of encouragment for many things :o)]. But then, we (society) turn around & rail against any woman who would dare to give her best, & use her intellect & skills to bring sanity, harmony, peace, & beauty into her own home. It's so twisted. I'm so weary of hearing & reading things that extol the virtues of family togetherness..."make time for your kids!"... & how "it's the little things that matter most", & then hold the person who can make all this a reality in such low regard.

I haven't, truthfully, been the recipient of very much negativity concerning my stay-at-home position. If so, I usually just smile & carry on with the facts, no different than if I'd been discussing the weather with the person talking to me. Still, it hurts to read about other women who DO feel as though they're being scrutinized & interrogated. Stay the course, ladies!!! Your husband needs you, your children need you, & yes, whatever country you call home needs you. :o)

sincerely,
Brenda

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Brenda, You are right about the over concern that we are "working." Our own mothers and grandmothers were so much more natural in their roles that they saw more to it than work. Work was just a part of it. However in high school and some colleges, even guys are taught that a woman at home is just freeloading and that she should pull her fair share of the load. That is how perverted the woman's purpose at home has become in the eyes of those who teach contrary things. A lower importance is put on the home guide because there is no "pay" involved. The one who gets money is considered more worthwhile, and of course, no one wants to be inferior or be accused of "not working." In the eyes of the world, pay and work go hand in hand, but in the Lord's eyes, we are valuable whether we are doing something for money or not. In actual fact, the homemaker is doing some of it for financial reasons, because her actions help the husband's money stay in the family instead of going out the door for every product or service. That way they can hang on to what belongs to them and not part with every penny as soon as it comes in. There is a lot more to it than finances the wife athome has been turned into a source of debate and politic. I wonder when these paintings of the 19th century were done, if the populace felt the same way about women. Why would a painter put a woman at home in such good light, if the political climate thought she was not earning her keep, or looked down on being a home guide. Many men at the time sought wives to save them from a "bleak life" (a term used in stories of the era), of loneliness and comfortless homes. To have a woman at home meant you would be looked after, in exchange for being provided for. Now the powers that be think they have a better system but look what it leads to: women not able to be free to be home, whether they can work every minute, or whether they just want to rest. In our grandmothers day, as long as the woman was home, no one dictated to her how her day would be spent. and no one would have dared to ridicule or question her decision to be at home. Actually she didnt even have to make a choice or a decision. She was in a privileged position and she was allowed to be home, even wanted, there.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Brenda, The 19th century forefathers would have been puzzled at the modernists striving for "self-esteem,"--feeling good no matter what, and instead would have endeavored to do good, in order to feel good. They left behind a huge culture of their works in their cities and neighborhoods, their architecture, art, poetry, fashion design, and thousands of inventions. Most of that generation cared what would happen to the next generation and the one after that. At the time, the self-esteem movement was making inroads in the universities but the home was strong enough to refute some of the false teachings like "if it feels good, do it."Fathers particularly were more respected. NOw, there are so many forces against the family, taking auhtority right out from under it. It can be reclaimed, though, family by family.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Lydia, I was wondering if you might consider printing your excellent comments to Brenda(listed at 5.43 am and 5.49am on my computer anyway)in the main body of your blog? Some readers may miss out on this wisdom. To have this information and encouragment more readily accessible would be wonderful. Just a thought.. God bless you and many thanks for sharing your convictions and ideas. Love from, Linda

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Linda in Australia, I took your suggested and did that a moment ago.

Emmarinda said...

Lydia, I remember your friend, Mrs. Alexandra, used to comment often that the idea of all women working outside the home was a pillar of the Marxist movement under which her country was subjected for so long. How foolish can women be, that they do not realize they have been put under subjection while the State undermines their homes and takes over the rearing of their children?
There is no way that a woman can do justice to her home and family if she NOT THERE! I am finishing up my temporary job tomorrow, and trusting the Lord to take care of finances, period. I will, of course, strive to be prudent with what money we have right now, but let my Heavenly Father take care of the rest. While at work as a supervisor, I had a young lady in my work group whose husband works at the shipyard (well paying jobs there) and yet she works as a waitress, has been working with us full time days, and has a baby not yet a year old at home. She has been falling asleep at the computer, and the other day had to leave because she was overwhelmed with a terrific migraine headache. As I gave her leave to go home, I whispered to her, "Honey, your body is still adjusting itself after the baby and you need your rest. I was making more than my husband when I quit work at the birth of our first child. We have managed, for the better part of our 27 year marriage on just his income. It can be done. I pray she will be able to do this.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Emmarinda, That woman can be replaced at work, but no one can replace her as a mother. Holdingher baby is more important than helping a company make money.

On the "education for feminists" section of my sidebar, somewhere there is an article about how the Rockefeller Foundation funded the feminist movement in order to get women out of their homes and create a broader tax base to support many socialist and marxist causes. Rockefeller himself admitted it was to get children out of the home and raised by the state in daycare and schools, to influence them against the family and create a state controlled people.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

the name of the article is "How Women Were Re-Engineered."

The Bible says that young women must be taught how to take care of their homes and husbands and children. Some women will say they are not interested in that, but their interest could be developed by learning more about it. People tend to believe the things they listen to or read the most. If they will read more about the responsibilities of women at home and the impact it has on the future, they will become more impressed.

Goosey said...

I do agree with alot of what you have said, I stayed at home for 18 years bringing up my 3 children and I do not regret a minute of that time. When they were much older I did return to work for 3 days a week as a palliative care nurse in a hospice. We prayed about whether this was the right thing to do and that God would open the door to a staff nurses job in a hospice if this was right (Hospice jobs are few and far between here in the UK). Well I was offered a job and have been happily working there for 4 years now enabling one of our sons to go to university with the extra money. I feel that with only being part time I am not tired or lacking in time at home. I have no wish to climb the career ladder and am happy to stay as I am. I am usually home when the family are home and my husband supports me fully. It wasn't that I felt 'unfulfilled', I did feel fulfilled when I was at home all the time, I genuinely feel God's hand on the path we took.
Hope this a helpful other side...I have friends who sre stay at home and are happy too.

Anonymous said...

If you only think of the role as one of staying home minding children, then we degrade the rest of it. And then of course, you open yourself up to all kinds of self-doubt about still being home once the children are in school, grown, etc. never mind attacks from the rest of the world.

For me, I'll be about 50 when my youngest is 18. Why would I want to go schlepping out back into the work force at age 50? I can't see the appeal in that. It's funny how we admire people who are so rich by the age of 40 that they can retire and travel and world, but if you're a woman at home, you should be thinking about a launching a second career in your mid-life. Sounds exhausting.

I'm not super high energy and my wants are few, so even without children who need a lot of care around the home, I will be able to find plenty to do. And yes, much of it will involve relaxing, walking, reading books and napping :)

~ Ann

Jeannie Jo Ann said...

I belong to a church that does not do well at encouraging the wives and mothers to be stay at home keepers... but because of this.. I look to all you wonderful ladies for advice and encouragement and I pray that the Lord will make me a better wife and mom even though I feel I fail so much at( my mom was pretty much a single parent raising 5 children so I didnt get taught some things that which I hoped to have been... but hey my sincere prayer always is that my children especially my daugher to be raised with not of my insecurities as I had...) So all in all girls thank you for your life stories... Great Post Lydia

alexa said...

Dear Lady Lydia,

I just wanted to tell you, what a blessing you are for me. I so much enjoy your articles and am so inspired by them. You are a great help for me, and make me feel much better and sure about my role as mother at home.
I was searching for a justification for my decision to quit my job as a lawyer for such a long time. I was always at a loss of words, when other people attacked me and made me feel bad. Your articles help me a lot.

Actually I have printed out many of them, so that I can read them in peace and quiet in bed.

I also like the beautiful paintings so much! They are so inspiring too. I look at them with my children, and they enjoy them too.

You also open a new horizon for me, when you talk about older woman, and why they are still needed at home. I haven't yet thought about my future much, you really open my eyes about it.

I would also like to become a grandmother, who is there for her children and grandchildren.

Have a nice Sunday, and warm regards from Switzerland,

Alexa

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Janice: You stated that you had scrimped here and there all your married life, and I wanted to make an observation about that. Your careful amd frugal ways have created luxury around you. When ever we attended a tea at your house, you always had prepared the best food and spread the best table and created an atmosphere of high living. Tat is the way it is supposed to be. SOme of the things that homemakers and farm wives do would cost a large amount of money if the service or product was purchased, packaged and labelled in a store. You were always dressed femininely and beautifully and you alway sseemed to have a song in your heart. Your husband is actually very rich!

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Alexa,

I am so happy to see a friend in Switzerland.

If the position you held as a lawyer is really needed, it will be filled by someone else quite easily. Your position at home can never be adequately filled by anyone other than the mother of the children and the wife of the husband.

If the position is not filled and the company you belong to goes out of business, it could be a market-demand situation. WHen something is not needed, people will not give it any business.

THe world is short of mothers and wives and true homemakers. These positins are sometimes filled by hired servants, but they can never have the heart of a wife and mother and homemaker. If you are cleaning house yourself, your children will pick up good habits from you. If you are attentive to your children and your husband and house, it can't help but have a huge impact on the next generation and on those around you. When you go to work, you are in a sense, locked up allday, without the freedom to do as you please. Homemakers can please themselves. If they aren't feeling well, or need more rest, they can choose a way to manage at home to accommodate those days. If they hve extra energy, they are free to accomplish as much as they wish. Be sure to check out the other homemaker blogs for some great articles on the subject of staying home.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Please pardon the typing and spelling on my comments--they are atrocious, I know. I am adjusting to a very tiny keyboard!

Anonymous said...

Daytime shopping used to be common when more women were home. We could get our shopping done before 3 o'clock and be home before the rush of all the people who shop after work. The shops nowadays seem silent and empty during the day, but with more women deciding to be homemakers, maybe the shops will pick up more daytime business. I remember when the day time shopping was busy, and the night time shopping was non-existent.

Jan said...

I can remember when the shops were open from 9 to 5. In the evening, the stores were closed and no one went out to town at night. This was when most women were home, during the day. The loss of daytime business, when women went to work outside of the home, has caused the shops to stay open in the evenings. People have to work late shifts to accomodate those who work outside the home, so they can shop at night. Jan

Janet Bernasconi said...

I just wanted to compliment your lovely blog. Absolutely wonderful. My children are still young and I am enjoying them as much as I can. Because before you know it they will be all grown up.
Hugs,
Janet Bernasconi
Janet's Creative Pillows

Kalianne@theBowerbird'sNest said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kalianne@theBowerbird'sNest said...

Dear Lydia,

Thank you for your continuing encouragement! I am a stay-at-home wife without children. After many years struggling with the issues raised in this post I can finally say that I do not feel the need to justify my existence to anyone anymore. My life as a 38 year old stay at home wife is full and productive.

Our home is a warm and inviting place where we are blessed to extend hospitality regularly. The produce from our garden, which I am blessed to tend, provides not only food for our needs but plenty to share.

I have many opportunities to serve not only at home, but also to bless others in our community. This year I've made handmade quilts for families that lost everything in the bushfires, prepared casseroles for families in need, organized a women's encouragement and walking group. I volunteer at the local community centre.

Another stay-at-home mum with a grown daughter faithfully visits the shut-ins in our community and now, at the beginning of winter (in Australia) she is overseeing the cutting and delivery of wood to the poor elderly in our area.

A stay-at-home wife is a blessing to her home and an asset to the community. Her worth is indeed above rubies. I am not discouraged by the standards of this poor confused world anymore. God's way is the best way and the way of happiness.

I hope my little testimony encourages.

Blessings,
Kalianne

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