Friday, August 31, 2007

Victorian Women and Their Sense of Duty




We have been enjoying seeing the occasional Queen Anne or Victorian home in our area. One thing the Victorian families left to us was their houses. In them, it cannot be denied that they cared so much about their own families that they created places for them. Little turns and alcoves, both in the garden and the house, created places for children that would one day be the source of sentimental stories of growing up. Porches remain where family courtships took place. There were rooms where babies were born or where the head of the house kept his records and paid his bills. Some rooms were just for play, and others were artists studios. There seemed to be room for everything in an era where houses were built up rather than spread out. These two and three storey homes also meant there was more yard space and more space between one house and another.





Easy Living




Easy Living

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Warwick, Dwayne


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Victorian architecture was a combination of several different styles, all which were built within the 19th century. Victorians had one character quality that is largely missing today, although it was so strong in them, that some of it still permeates our lives in the 21st century. This was a strong sense of duty. In a sense, their style of architecture reflected their sense of duty, although that would require an entirely different type of article.

In general, Victorian women felt a strong duty to be good wives and mothers. The culture of the family was reinforced constantly. Men loved to come home to a happy family, and appreciated the time a woman spent making that home beautiful, preparing "toothesome" meals, and dressing her children well. She had a little garden, as most people did in those days, which provided the best food for her family. She felt it her duty to be the guide of the home, a full time wife and mother who had power over society through her role as the homemaker.

In Victorian times, duty was a strong word. It was a sense of personal responsibility and personal pride. It was considered shameful to have gone back on your word.





Duty was such a part of the 19th century person, that society was generally ruled by it. Women who wanted to be good, felt it a duty to protect their children by personally nurturing them and seeing that they were taught manners, and that they offended no one. Men felt duty bound to build their family a house which would also provide part of the inheritance for future generations. Women felt it was their duty to be their husband's counsellor and closest ally. Children felt the duty deep within them to speak well of their parents and to honor them and to please them and avoid creating any kind of offense. Compare that to today, where shock value seems to be the order of the day, whether in the home or in the world.





Duty was such a part of their lives that a person was careful not to promise what they could not fulfill, and careful to look around first and test the repercussions of what he did. Your word was to be trusted. People rarely went back on their word. Probably everyone has experienced the inconsiderate behavior of someone who held them up by being late or not showing up at all. In the 19th century, there were those, as there always are, who indulged in such inconsiderate behavior, but they were not considered reliable and would not be regarded highly. I have been home waiting for repair companies or guests that never came. This was considered in that day the height of rudeness, but today it is part of every day life, and we are not happier for it.






Sunday Afternoon I




Sunday Afternoon I

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Brown, Robert


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We can learn a lot from the Victorian sense of duty. They carried this sense through their worst times. That strong sense of duty meant respect, reverence and regard. They would no more have thought of wearing shorts and flip-flops and a tank top to a church meeting than to someone's home. Even their walking gardens, parks and villages were so well laid out that it took a thoughtful walk through them to appreciate them.






A sense of duty caused them to be careful what they left behind for others to enjoy, or for future generations. I wonder, what will our generation leave behind and what will the next generation think of our clothing, our manners and customs, our hospitality, our businesses, our art and architecture? Without a strong sense of duty, people will be careless. They will say, "Well, when I am gone, I won't care." We may be gone, and not care, but others will care. They will suffer the consequences of the way were. We enjoy everything Victorian--their beautiful designs, their love of gardens and flowers, their love of art, music and poetry and their social habits of calling on one another, having tea, and their handicrafts, still inspire us.





Duty meant that they left things that would be loved and appreciated by others for generations to come.




Lakeside Retreat I




Lakeside Retreat I

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As discussed before, homemaking is much more interesting when it is done with an artistic eye. I believe the Victorian women felt a duty to beautify the home. I remember my own mother, grandmother, and great grandmother having time for many interests. Every year when the county fair came about, homemakers of all ages, even the little girls, entered their accomplishments. The sewing category was always full of the dresses that young women made, and it gave us so many stimulating ideas. There was a table setting display, flower arrangements, home decoration, cooking, gardening, etc. In some county fairs today, you can enter anything you want, and if there is no category for, they will provide one.
Peonies




Peonies

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Chiu


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Hobbies at home were the icing on the cake. We got our necessary work finished (ironing, laundry, dishes washed, cooking, etc) and made a little extra time to do the things we found most relaxing, such as sewing or doing up a room in a special way. Special interests often led to home businesses, another source of income. When women left the home and went into working away from home, many of these interests were neglected. I remember that my mother in law used to buy a special pan scrubber, which a woman made by crocheting nylon netting of different colors, into a circle. She bought these regular for herself and for gifts. There were other things that women sold from their homes, and it seemed like so many of these homemakers were proficient at least at one thing and would sell it to you.


Victorian women felt it was their duty to teach the next generation of women how to have a well-kept home and raise a good brood of children. Men and women had a high regard for one another. Men wanted to protect women and women admired the men and wanted to marry once and have a family. The women had a strong sense of duty that propelled them to stick through marriage, through good times and through hard times. They recognized that marriage and family would have to go through trials, because they saw the previous generation do it. Today we are not as bound by that sense of duty, but we can certainly learn from the Victorian Women.Enchanting Chateau




Enchanting Chateau

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Hilger


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You can read more about the Victorian sense of duty in the book "Gaining Favor With God and Man," which is a great study in the character of Victorian educators, statesmen, and women. The book cites Mary Lyon, a prominent Victorian teacher of women, as saying to her pupils: (which dashes to pieces the modernists belief that women were not educated! They were educated, but more in the character quality of duty to marriage, home and family, than they are today) as saying, "Go where duty calls. Take hold, if necessary, where no one else will." Duty, as a watchword and inspiration, she kept before them constantly. Personal obligation, instead of personal fulfillment or fame, she sought them to remember. We should all live our best, like the example of these Victorian women, not letting time be wasted. We should seek what is good and lovely and pure and bring others to want to know more about the Christian way of life. Women who have a strong sense of duty will feel a driving force to keep their homes in a beautiful way, and to to embellish them with the things that bring peace and harmony to the home.
(Just a reminder that you can purchase any of these prints on any article by clicking on it or the title. Some of them are only $7.00. They are a great thing for your home, to build up the values that you cherish, in your family. You never know if looking at such pictures will inspire a budding architect, or cause a young girl to want a home and family of her own one day. If you order by clicking on one of the pictures here or at my daughter's site, Lillibeth and I earn a little money, as an affiliate. We both try to choose prints that speaks to the heart of a woman who loves her home. My "store" is at the end of the page here and I hope to add more favorites to it. Also please do not forget to check her blog at The Pleasant Times , as she updates almost daily. I have not been able to do that but hope to get organized enough to post more often. )

14 comments:

Karen said...

This post reminded me of L. M. Montgomery's life. She lived with and cared for an elderly grandmother (from 1898 to 1911), even postponing marriage and a home of her own for many years. That is having a duty to others that is not present in the world today. Yet she still created her masterpiece "Anne of Green Gables" during this time.

On the other hand, one has only to look at the advertising of today - it's all about "me" - how can "I" have more (leisure) time for myself? How can "I" look better? How can "I" look younger, thinner, etc. The idea of serving others is sorely lacking.

Close on the heels of duty we also have sacrifice and humility, two more "old-fashioned" traits, worth studying further.

Lydia said...

Women should develop the sense of duty to fix up even the most unfortunate place they live in. So many of them are sitting there waiting for something better, and missing out on the joy and the fun and the inner strength they could get by feeling that duty to do well no matter what or where!

Lydia said...

Yes she refused to marry until she had taken care of her parents. She did have a difficult time but she said she could not be a good wife if she also had to care for her parents so she chose her parents. Later she did marry and had children and wrote more stories.

Anonymous said...

I loved this post. It did bring to mind this thought though-many victorian mothers, the wealthier ones, had their children looked after by nannies and/or governesses. Can you address this topic at some point?
Jo

Lydia said...

In response:

Every Victorian article gets a response which reflects a very negative opinion of the era. I was puzzled about where this was coming from...for example, nearly every time I posted about Victorian life and such, someone would comment that they all died of terrible diseases, there was no option for women but to stay home and the husbands were harsh and domineering, there was no where to go, life was terrible without government aid like daycare, medicare, retirement funds, benefits, etc. I found that on the web there were a couple of sites that stated this as blanket truth, without any facts or figures or any documentation to back it up. One site purporting to know about Victorian toys, stated that they were not allowed to play with them! I wondered if that were so, why the old toy on the site was so worn down, and one foot on the wood horse was missing.

There are several good sources for truth concerning the 19th century, and one is as I've mentioned before, a very easily procurred book called Simple Social Graces or under another title called The Benevolence of Manners by Linda Lichter. I like her book because the put so many references in it and also you can prove it by looking around you for evidence today, of their love for mankind and their love for their families and their reverence for the Bible. She shows how you can see evidence of it. Another book is the one I wrote about today called "Finding Favor With God and Man." Also a lot of stories written in that period, particularly /Elizabeth Gaskell, who wrote Wives and Daughters and North and South and others. They show, even in fiction, the nature of the people and their problems.

As to the nanny thing. It may have been true in Europe, as it is still today, but in America, from the beginning, there was not supposed to be a class system. Most people raised their own children, and some had the help of an unmarried aunt or older children. Remember the middle class was very prominent in America because of the freedom to make your own way in life, so no one had to remain extremely poor, and the rich didn't have it all or control the poor. Everyone had a chance to make something of themselves. Having Biblical roots from their Pilgrim fathers, American parents knew God's command to teach their own children and to pass on to the next generation the values of the former. Victorians felt that duty most keenly, and a mother was revered...it was then that the saying arose that the hand the rocks the cradle rules the world. George Washington's mother, Mrs. Bell, taught him rules of conduct and raised him well. There were very few in America who turned their children over to boarding schools or nannies, compared to Europe. This was the new world, and families were independent, especially across the plains and in the West. There were some who sent their children away, but there were more who did not. On the phone a few days ago, Mrs. Alexandra in Europe and I were talking about how it never fails that any post on Victoriana stirs up some prejudice. I will quote from Linda Lichter's book, as to why she thinks that is:

"In the 1920's, "Victorian" became a dirty word, as the postwar generation set about dismantling their parents' ideals like children attacking a tower of building blocks...everyone wanted to be modern...and sophisticated and smart, to smash the conventions and to be devastatingly frank. And, with a cocktail glass in one's hand, it was easy at least to be fran." In our own day, "Victorian has become a synonym for repression...We devour Victoriana in magazines and period movies because they evoke far more than wistful images of safe, civilized streets, good manners and stable families. We also hunger for an era when people lived with dignity instead of just dying with it. We crave the beauty, grace, charm and passionate romance of the past. What gave this era its mystical aura, that loveliness of life so sorely lacking now? It wasn't simple the proper way to use a fork...In this book you will learn how the Victorians controlled coarseness, rudeness, crime and hateful speech with a shared code of conscience and daily conduct--a contrast to our endless nightmare of litigation and legislation....

Mrs. Licter goes on to show how duty, restraint and sacrifice made society better and life better personally, and exposed the false doctrine of self-esteem. "The Victorians would say that a culture of self-indulgence in which parents don't take responsibility for teaching character and civility eventually takes its toll on self restraint and social conscience...

So yes there were some who did not raise their own children but hired nannies. Even in my youth, you could tell the difference between the children raised by others and the ones raised at home with their parents. In those days your mother would point to a badly behaved child or adult and say ,"That is the result of the mother not taking care of him herself, " or something like that. Yes there were people who boarded their kids out or hired nannies but it was not the majority. There were those who took them to what we would call day care but it did not set the standard for everyone. It was an exception. There will always be those who will not look after or teach their own children within their families. There always have been and there always will be but it is not a standard or excuse to do it. The Victorian society for the most part was based on Biblical values of duty and honor, not on today's "I feel" or "I want to be happy and that is the most important thing."

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this and many other articles.
Every evening when we turn on the generator I quickly take a look to see if there has been a new posting. Thank you for your upholding of the wife and/or mother. Also, I would like to thank you for your using the beautiful pictures that you use. It so inspires me! I needed to do my mending and was dreading it when I thought of the picture you had a while back of the lady sitting by the window sewing. I grabbed my mending and sat out on our tiny porch and enjoyed it so much! I'm not sure that this is where I should post this, but I wanted you to know how much I love this site. It is my favorite.

Anonymous said...

I love your articles on the home and family! They have helped me find the beauty in my home when I thought there was none. My budget is limited, and my house is old and not perfect but I now feel a sense of pride to decorate it with the best of everything I own. Thank you!

Lydia said...

And just a gentle reminder that Americans did not have a class system where the upper class behaved differently. Even the presidents and congressmen were from farmers and homes most humble, in Victorian times. Rather than being rulers, they were considered "servants" of the people. While mothers hired help at home if they could, that does not mean children were raised by nannies here in the US. The Victorian women were most particular about being a strong influence in the lives of their children. Many books and periodicals were written at the time about mothers raising their children, and the preachers and ministers talked about it frequently. Since America was largely a country being settled even at that time, people were self-sufficient, which meant they took care of themselves, raised their own food, built their own houses, sewed their own clothes, and looked after their own children. It has only been recently that nannies have come back into vogue here in the US. I don't believe in the nanny business and I think it is terrible that women would think so much of their career or business that they would neglect their children and turn them over to a nanny. Women have such a fleeting time with their children. I know there are even women who turned their children over to their grandparents to care for, while they went to work. This goes on quite a bit now, but grandmothers were not made to raise or care for children in the same way as the mothers. They are there as advisory capacity and for wisdom, not for the hard work of raising children. The Victorian women as a whole felt a sense of duty in raising their own children.

K said...

While no era in time is perfect, I'm sure the Victorian era has it's faults as any other period in time. I think the real issue is that in our "modern" society we've through the baby out with the bath water as the saying goes.
Today so many old and wonderful ideals such as duty, manners, frugality, industriousness, and feminity are being lost or now they are considered bad characteristics. It is a shame becasue along with them are following wonderful skills and arts such as sewing, kniting, homemaking, and cooking properly.
I suppose on the up side of all this, if our society keeps going like this it will leave nothing behind to remember it by.
Kelly

Lydia said...

I did a post called "Miss Catherine Beecher" in which I listed the bad side of Victorian life, fostered by those who rebelled against duty: Marx, Darwin, Fraud (deliberately mis spelled), etc. and all the things they did to rebel against the Biblical teachings of the forefatehrs of the 19th century who left so many good things. Feminism also rose up in the 19th Century and there were a few Victorians who caused the eventual downfall of the family through their teachings. While there are those who trash the Victorian era, they at the same time believe all the things that Marx and Fraud taught and still carry on some of those beliefs. They were Victorians but they were even at that time, looked down upon because people knew their beliefs would destroy the home and family as it was known.

Mrs. Anna T said...

Thank you again for a lovely post, Lady Lydia. While I don't glorify a certain era, I think the Victorians contributes a legacy of much beauty, order, and wonderful customs, many of which we can revive today, and which can greatly contribue to my home life.

By the way, I changed my blog's name to 'Domestic Felicity'. It's an expression I found in one of Jane Austen's books, and it simply enchanted me!

Anonymous said...

Apropos of nannies, if I may...

When the show was on the Discovery Channel, I would watch "It Takes a Thief"--that show where this gentleman named Jon Douglas Rainey would break into a house, with the owners' permission, and steal what he could. He could usually clean out a house of its valuables within ten minutes.

One episode grabbed hold of me hard: he walked right into a house where the children were being cared for by a nanny. She literally walked right past him several times, and didn't even notice him or the debris of his activities!

And worse yet, one of the little children was still in bed, while she was fiddling with ten other "friends" of the other child outside!

Mr. Rainey wound up making off with tens of thousands of dollars' worth of loot, even having a hired car collect him at the front door--and the nanny never even knew about it!

Don't ever assume that someone else can care for your children like you can.

Anonymous said...

The Victorian period did have some good qualities but I still appreciate our modern conviences. I love my computer, tv, car, refrigerator, air conditioner, plumbing,etc.

Lydia said...

Anomymous: These were all invented during the Victorian era. The forerunner of the computer was also called a computer but it was a machine made to compute figures. Everything else had its beginnings during that period. They had a lot of conveniences at that time, also. They weren't cave people living with no sanitation and they weren't ignorant of things like refrigeration. Electricity was discovered before the Victorian era so they had a lot of ideas from the past. Almost convenience we enjoy today had its beginnings in that era, as the Victorians were very keen on invention. Somewhere on the web is a long list of all things invented during that time: the car, the sewing machine, the telephone, and of course running water existed before that, even in the times of the castles in Europe.