Home Life Without Children

Welford Country Cottage

by Carl Valente

A home without children  includes women whose children now have homes of their own, those who have never been able to have children, widows and others who for some reason are home without children. I will also include in this group women who have not married and are home with their parents. The special role of these women at home are described in the following categories:

The First Year at Home: The first year at home is a time to enjoy being a keeper of your own home. With only two people in the home, it may not seem like there will be much work, but there is. Just cleaning up after yourself can be time-consuming, and cleaning up after two can be more. Therefore, there is plenty to do at home to justify devoting your time to it.

 Some young women want a detailed description of what they are supposed to do all day at home, but each family will be different, with different needs and different demands on their time. If you live in the country, it will take up quite a bit of time to do the marketing and to look after your property. There may be livestock to care for or a garden.  If you live near town, it will still take some time to do your essential shopping, putting away groceries, making meals, cleaning up after, and keeping the dwelling place clean and neat.

 If you have special interests, you will find that there is not enough time in the day to keep house and sew and knit and paint and write letters. Devoting your life to  homemaking can consume a great deal of time.  Besides all this, there may be home maintenance, which is the care of the structure of the home in painting, replacing things, and repairs.

Experienced homemakers will tell you that there is necessary work to be done, but that they try to get it out of the way so that they can pick up their knitting, or some other thing they have begun. When there is a lull in things to do, read and increase your knowledge in something that might improve the quality of life at home.  If you are learning to sew,  take some time to read over your pattern instruction and get an idea of what you will have to do.  If you want your home to be more visually attractive, then change around the furnishings and pictures and make new curtains with matching chair cushions and table cloths. If you feel it still does not fill up the time, concentrate on setting an attractive table or entertaining guests. Without children, there is still a lot to do to fill the day.

This first year is a time to figure out what needs to be done from day to day. The way to discover these needs is to observe what takes place from early morning to late at night and establish a dependable yet flexible routine. For example, you will noticed when you need to do the grocery shopping, when clothes need washing or ironing, when the kitchen needs to be cleaned, when bills need to be paid. You will be living with a man who will have schedules and needs that may determine what all needs to be done.


People are always talking about "furthering your education," and I agree. If you want to increase your knowledge in things that will really help you at home, consider taking a cooking class, a sewing course, or enroll in some kind of training that will aid you in creating an efficient but lovely home.  Even in the smallest of towns, you can find offerings of education in floral arranging, cake decorating, home interiors, garden and landscaping, quilting, furniture refinishing or upholstery. Small towns sometimes have events centers with yearly home shows where you can see home and garden displays that will inspire you to translate some of it into your own home. Consider taking a maid's class and learn the art of cleaning house. The possibilities for education in home life seems endless. Online, there is an enormous offerring of tutorials from art to sewing, that will keep you busy. Try putting everything you have learned, that works for your home, into a large notebook, to create a master list of homemaking skills that you can refer to often.

Daughters at Home
 Daughters at home have an opportunity to take over a lot of the duties for their mothers, thus freeing them to do things they never seem to get around to doing. Acquiring homemaking skills while growing up will mean a girl never has to wonder what she is supposed to do all day at home, for she will understand that one thing that is completed means another thing can be done, and so forth. The daughters who have learned daily homemaking along-side their mothers will be blessed with a natural inclination for homemaking, and will never have to ask the question, "Now that I am older and not married, what am I supposed to do next?"  If they really have a spiritual understanding of homemaking, they will always have a long list of things to accomplish at home. When they are finished with one thing, they will naturally find something else to do.  A beautiful persepective from a daughter at home can be read here.http://www.abowlofmossandpebbles.com/?p=4751

Women Whose Husbands are Away: Life at home can be very bleak for the women whose husbands must be away for weeks at a time, so it is really important that they find some things of interest besides cleaning and keeping house, that are agreeable to home life. Being a keeper at home is more than cleaning. There are numerous other things that go into making a house a home.

When he is home, you will want to enjoy yourselves together, so while he is away is a perfect time to clean the floors, rearrange things to your convenience, or sew something special.  If family is nearby, they fill the gap perfectly when the husband is away, and the wife should certainly take advantage of their company. Some families help put in a garden, aid in home repairs or painting, and in general make the quality of life better for the woman whose husband is away. This is a good time to do necessary shopping and develop your talents and creative side. Add something to the home while he is away, so that when he returns, the home is even more appealing. This can be in the form of a completed sewing project, home improvement, or learning some skill well.

Women Who Have Not Been Able to Have Children:
Today there are many resources available to the homemaker through the library, bookstores, internet, garden centers and local markets. Woman can learn to sew, communicate with her family if they live a distance from her, and find any information she needs online about creating a homey atmosphere. 

 Without children, there is a great opportunity to extend hospitality to others, and that in itself can become a special interest on the part of the homemaker. With regular company, comes the need to keep house better and provide the kitchen with the things that makes serving and caring for others more enjoyable.

On line, there are weekly events that stimulate homemakers to "love and good works," as the Bible teaches. A worker at home can participate in a table-setting day, a show-and-tell homemaking day, or an arts and crafts day, and still add to the enjoyment of her own home. Some ladies online participate in things like sharing a schedule, a menu, or a hand-made item. There really is no reason to think you are isolated in the home, if you have no children. There is so much to do, there will not be enough days to do it.

Without children, wives can use the time to be attentive companions to their husbands and even spoil them a bit.


Women With Grown Children Gone From Home:
Even after children are grown, the responsibilities of the home seem to increase. By that time, there may need to be some changes in the dwelling itself: refurbishing and refurnishing. Home libraries need to be sorted through, and books need to be categorized, and new ones added, depending on the interest of the homemaker.  After a life time of use, kitchen items may need to be replaced. It is a good time for changes in the house, when children are gone.

This may also be a great time to include more people in your life that you previously had no time for.If the homemaker is a more of a private person and does not desire to have too much company, she will still find that the care of the home, the care of herself and her husband, and possibly the care of their parents, will take up all their time.


Widows:
The Bible teaches that younger widows ought to marry, raise children, and keep the house, but older widows in the church can put themselves in the category described in Titus 2 as older women. These women are responsible to teach younger women to be good wives, mothers and homemakers. Without children in the home, an older widow can find ways of using her house to teach something of value to other women, that will help them have happy homes.  How often a widow wishes to provide this kind of training will depend upon her health and her stamina and the other obligations in her life.

Widows can re-marry, but the Bible teaches that it must be "only in the Lord," which means that they must marry a Christian.  This is an overlooked command in the New Testament, and many widows have not been careful to choose only a Christian mate. Sometimes the feeling of rootlessness and loneliness can be so strong, that widows will marry into troubled situations. Being a homemaker and a teacher of good things to the younger women, will provide some protection for them, as God will bless their obedience to his Will. If they will show a good example of an older woman following the scriptures, they may see clearly to choose a mate wisely and not get into problems by marrying outside of the church.

Widows will find that there is still more than enough that needs to be done at home, but may lack motivation. That is one good reason to reach out to others and share a knowledge of life at home. If a widow has had a good marriage, she can pass on her advice to the younger women.

There is always a problem of finding those who wish to learn, but these days, blogging is a great way to pass on your beliefs to others who are looking for something. If she is not well enough to do anything this ambitious, or to teach at home, it is possible that she can enjoy life by being the best example she can be. That in itself is sometimes a great motivation.

A widow may never have had children, or may have grown children who do not live near her. Without children, she has to be especially careful about the choices she makes, so that she is not taken advantage of. It is best to follow the Bible's guidance for widows and not go headlong into some course of action or commitment that she cannot back out of.  Widows should be careful of the way things appear to others, because there are those who are ready to spread a rumour about just anything they see. Be careful who you are seen with, and who you sit on your front porch chatting with, that it is all above reproach and has only the appearance of good. Be always aware of what others may perceive and be careful to keep your reputation spotless. You will need it should you ever decide to teach younger women.

Women without children can and should have a very full and busy life. Without children, they have the opportunity to get plenty of rest and to have a more leisurely life if they choose to, and be able to do special things for other people. Think of all people you have known who had no children. That favorite Aunt would probably not have been able to spoil you so much if she had a brood of her own. The friend without children may not have been able to take you to tea or shower you with special gifts.  The women without children who were also full time homemakers made a great contribution in the lives of their relatives and friends, for they were always ready to go somewhere or do something, and many of them had wonderful domestic skills and made products that they shared with others.

See also http://makingajoyfulhome.blogspot.com/2011/05/keepers-at-home-are-necessary.html

Widows

I've been asked several times by different people to address the subject of widows.






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My sources for information on widows come from two places: the references to widows in the Bible, and the memory of widows of the past.

Every woman should be able to imagine how she will manage in the role of a widow.Much of what happens to a widow begins earlier on in her life. Her life before widowhood is her spiritual insurance policy. How she copes as a widow has a lot to do with how she lived her life. A life of seriousness and dedication to duty in the home will be rewarded in widowhood. If she has raised good children who have an honoring spirit, she will be paid back for her efforts should she ever be a widow. If she has taught good things to younger women, she will reap rewards as a widow.

Young women need to really take seriously the role of wives, mothers and homemakers. If they spend their youth partying and getting into one relationship after another, putting their children in the care of others, and neglecting to be good house keepers and good homemakers, they will not find the comfort and honor they will need later in life, should they become widows.

For that reason, young women would do well to live their lives above the world, tending to matters at home, and really do all they can to make their houses real homes and their families really interested in serving others through hospitality, having a good knowledge of the scriptures, and wanting a Christian education. In the end, the movies and the parties and the shopping and the social life, even the BALLGAMES, ladies, will be meaningless. These sort of things do not "pay off" when one becomes a widow. Hospitality, teaching, working quietly at home, diligently training children in manners and respect, and making the home a home, will come back to bless you in your old age.

Although we seem many generations away from the last era that practiced any kind of widowhood etiquette, we can still find principles to follow in the case of widowhood.

Being a steady, faithful church member as a young woman, is important because as a widow, that sort of background will qualify you to teach others. Being a woman who maintains Biblical principles while you are young, is an investment for your old age. As a young person, you can study and practice things that will help you develop the character and the skills you need to become a woman worth looking up to when you are older. These can be things like:

-being on time and being a good steward of time.

-managing money well.

-managing a home, and being a good homemaker, including neatness, orderliness, cleanliness, cooking, sewing, caring for the sick in the home.

-looking after property, and keeping the house in good repair.

-finding ways to influence others.

Just from an over-all reading of the Bible, one can conclude that widows should behave in a dignified way, not being silly, not out in the bars drinking, not partying. In the Old Testament, widows sometimes went back to live with their parents until they found another husband. One reason for a young widow to remarry was to have help and guidance with any young children the couple had. Another was to keep the young woman safe with a protector and a provider, a husband, over her. Without marriage, she might take to wandering from house to house, talking about things which should not be talked about, and being idle.

This seems to be good advice for single women, even if they are not widows. Without a husband, house and children to care for, it is very tempting to be footloose and fancy free, using spare time for socializing and partying. If young girls learn to do this, the habit is not easily broken once they marry. They become discontent and restless and do not know how to occupy themselves as wives and homemakers. This is not to say they will be inside of a house every minute, as most of us certainly are not, but it shows that many women do not know about the millions of things that can be done as full-time homemakers.

Widows who are older, who have had long marriages, will be incredibly lonely after the loss of a lifetime mate. This can make them vulnerable and many have jumped into second marriages out of a feeling of loss and desperation. A portion of these have made very happy, lasting matches.

However, it is still important that the widow be very careful. If she has children and grandchildren who occupy her time, she may not benefit at all if she remarries. Remarriage means his children, her children, step this and step that, and a whole complication of relatives. Remarriage may involve problems of the family she marries into. If she remarries, her time will be occupied by her new relationship. If she is a grandmother, she may find her time even more divided. If she has a good relationship with her children, and they have reservations about her remarrying, she needs to consider this.

Another thing a widow needs to be careful about is relocation. Although friends and relatives may urge her to rid her house of all her husband's things and move to a smaller place, it is not always the right thing to do. If she has been happy there and if she loved her husband, and if it gives her security to have the familiarity of her own home and his things around her, why should she leave? Change is a trauma in itself. She has already lost a husband and is adjusting. Moving will create another adjustment problem. It is better if she stays put. I know one widow whose husband provided a house for them in their retirement. His plan was to have a place for her should she ever be a widow, and he had it made with ramps for easy access to the doors, and every convenience for her. After he died, her grown children talked her into selling it. It sold so fast she did not have time to find another place so she was talked into buying from a realtor a place much further away from the town, the children, and the church she was used to. The first night she was there alone, a robber entered the house, but she called the police and he was scared away. The distance she had to travel took its toll on her car. Eventually her children had to help her move to a small apartment in town where she could be checked on more easily.

Other widows I have observed who have stayed in their own houses, have lived much longer and in better health. They do suffer from missing their husbands, but it is not accompanied by the anxiety that packing up and moving around causes. There are exceptions, of course, and personalities are different. Some widows really need to move if the house is run-down and dangerous or if the children really want her badly to come and live with them, or if they are living a long way from relatives. Some widows feel they have stayed home enough in their lifetime and prefer to travel, but it is generally better not to cause too much upheaval in an already shocked and grieved woman.

One reason it is important for young women to develop some kind of thing that she can use as a service to others, whether it is hospitality, teaching sewing, crafts, or teaching younger women, is to give them practice. Then, when they are widows, they have their experience and talent to occupy them. They will have a driving purpose in life. They will be full of life and enthusiasm for the home and the family. They will be able to encourage younger women.