Monday, March 01, 2010

I Shall Not Want









David's 23rd Psalm has been treasured in the hearts of men and women for centuries, the world over.  It seems to describe the perfect relationship between sheep and shepherd, man and God.  The millions of people it has comforted, throughout the tragedies of generations, cannot be estimated. 

The first line contains these words:  The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

"I shall not want" means I shall not have any need for anything.

If you truly believe that, then why, as a homemaker, are you succumbing to the doubts and fears concerning money?  It is not the wife's responsibility to worry about the living. It is the man's.  If the Lord is your shepherd, as you claim, then you must obey Him.  Man has no business altering God's plan for women.  The world is trying it, and it is a disaster: nervous women, troubled children, unkept houses, neglected hospitality.  I shall not want. If you quote that and then leave the home for the pursuit of money, you are saying you shall want, and that you do want.  The Bible stays the same and it covers all eras and all generations during all crisis and all circumstances. In stead of changing the pattern to fit yourself, try changing yourself to fit the great pattern.


Also, the book, "Is a Job Really Worth it?" by Sue Hill Boggs. Not everything in it will be agreeable to everyone but there are some good points about faith, in this book. It seems to say, "Oh ye of little faith. If God so clothes the birds of the air and the grass of the field, will he not also clothe you?"

In our country, there are no neglected widows or orphans. We do have government pensions and welfare system.  One would be hard pressed to even find an orphan, for they are all well cared for in foster homes and Christian childrens homes, or by relatives.  Women have taken to worrying about what will happen to them should their husbands die.


44 comments:

Candy ♥ said...

Very true, I couldn't agree more!

Anonymous said...

What is your suggestion to single mothers? Are they not to have a job outside the home? How should they support themselves and their children? I stay at home with my children and am blessed to be able to do that. But I wonder what your suggestions/ideas are for single mothers?

Anonymous said...

Excellent.

~ Ann

Anonymous said...

For our single mother...can you return to the home of your parents and make a wonderful home life for all there? Can you perhaps begin some sort of home business? Even if it doesn't make a full income, but would benefit you and your children while in your parent's home? Will they permit you to return to their home?

I began my single motherhood about one year after my daughter's birth and I lived at home with MY single mother, who worked full time...I didn't use that time wisely as a keeper at home but looked to get out after a while to my own place...and then spent the rest of my child's growing years and beyond in poverty and unhappiness. She too suffered from this, I am very grieved to report.
Do whatever it takes to stay at home in a home atmosphere with loving support....somehow...and NOT with a man. You will ruin your life and the life of your child!.

Perhaps you and a friend in a similar situation could share your lives? I know Lydia will have more to offer you in a way of advice.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Having removed my velvet gloves, I'm going to be flat out straight with everyone concerning this issue of single moms

It goes a long ways back to the parents. If the parents were rotten stinking good for nothings, its understandable that the girl cant and should not go home. She should try to make it on her own and she should train her children to be different. She might have to work but she also has alternatives. There could be other people in her life she could find, who would gladly welcome them in her home and let her raise her kids. I would open my home up to anyone in that position but only if she was homeschooling her children. Otherwise I would just be aiding a single person to leave her responsibility with me. SO if she was homeschooling i would certainly offer aid.

I was interviewed on a radio station where a laugh track was played every time I gave an answer. The callers were pre-arranged so that the questions were not the ones on the email I was sent and was prepared for. One question was about what a single mother should do. I suggested she go home to parents or grandparents and help them out and benefit them in some way. That was 5 years ago. They ran a laugh track and then the speaker mocked it quite a bit. But just a few weeks ago I heard Dr. Laura tell a young single mother the same thing.

Anonymous said...

To the single mums with children out there,

firstly, take heart and be of good courage, even though it can all feel heartbreakingly overwhelming in every respect more often than not.

Secondly, if your parental home is safe, and supportive of your return & way in which you choose to raise your little ones, without interfearing re home education plans etc seek to return if at all possible, as Lydia has also suggested.

if this is not possible (and there are many tragic reasons why it often isn't)_, enquire whether or not your local church has a programme to support single mums to remain at home; some parishes do in the US; don't know about Aus, the UK or NZ (I doubt it, unfortunately).

Thirdly,

Take a look at
http://gleaningtheharvest.com/
This is an amazing organization that actually steps up to the challenge and meets it head-on - it is a 'doer' in this area, a rare gem of an organization indeed).

In former times, it was the local parish's responsibility to render aid to widowed, deserted or endangered single mothers. Additionally 'friendly societies' such as oddfellows were established to provide an income in the case of spousal death or disability (don't know if they paid out in instances of desertion).

In 1909, in Australia, the govt. took over the responsibility of administering assistance (initially for the aged) from the parish and friendly society.

The issues behind this takeover were somewhat double faceted; the parish had already begun drifting away from Biblical stewardship (in the UK and Aus/NZ the Austere church [Lydia will understand what i am referring to] had already dropped the ball) and secondly, the govt. saw it as its job to fill in the gaps - the role of a modern democratic state was/is seen as one in which it is the Govt.'s role to provide for the needy and marginalized); partially due to the fact that rather than come to their senses, i think the Parish model had already begun unravelling as the church became more concerned with wealth and prestige, and less about its community).

continued

Anonymous said...

hence, we are faced with a situation worldwide where 99% of churches are not fulfilling their stewardly obligation to the widow and orphan (a matter which drew the ire of prophet after prophet during OT times in Ancient Israel concerning similar mindset of the religious authorities of their day).

Secondly, many churches are battling to pay the minister's wages and keep the building over their heads with attrition rates etc. what they are especially in Western Europe and Aus/NZ that render it almost unthinkable to attempt to provide for the widow and orphan in their midst; not only this, but as govt. programmes exist, they do not see it as their duty even when the money is potentially available.

At the close of the 19th century, the rise of the Salvation Army and formation of the St. Vincent de paul society were necessary grass roots church responses to an overwhelming need. Similarly, the Red Cross has also in many instances established programmes of assistance, but these have grown into huge international concerns that, though they do incredibly vital work and do it well, have lost the Biblical vision for the single mum and the role of the keeper at home as vital and necessary to a smoothly functioning community. (re philosophy to get her into the workforce etc rather than encourage home education).

NGO's in developing nations (including all Christian NGO's) also use feminist, secular ideologies upon which to frame aid programmes; e.g. get mothers skilled and working while putting children in school, braking up traditional family and community structures then wonder why the men are listless and dissolute, rather than training the mothers to educate their own children, even training them first in areas of literacy, numeracy and health expressly so they can pass these skills onto their children in the natural environment, the family home).

I have written qquite enough, i think but coming from a community welfare and theology background, understand the workings and history behind the shift

Anonymous said...

I VERY much like your new heading phrase....Endorsing, etc. I think it's a definite keeper!

Anonymous said...

Lydia,

Your treatment at the hands of the radio interviewer you've written of was utterly disgraceful. You were set up, plain and simple. Funny how they're not laughing so hard now, as increasing numbers of 'experts in the field' seem to be alligning themselves with your outlook, which is the time-proven, tried and tested Biblical - and traditional model exercised by the vast majority of families the world over - or at least by those who haven't been swayed by the prevailing aborations.

Mrs. L said...

Lady Lydia, your new header statement is so clear and unapologetic. I love that.

I was horrified to read about your experience with the radio talk show. You have a lot of courage to keep up the good fight in spite of the persecution.

Tragically, where I live most churches do not even support married women with children staying home, let alone a single woman. I agree, when possible single mothers should move back in with their parents. The time will come when the parents are glad to have their daughter home to look after them, too.

They'll know we are Christians by our love... not our independence.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Maybe you could say something like "Life has lots of stages and seasons. This is the season I need to be home for my family."

Men have gone through several tactics to get their wives away from home to work

Years ago they said, "We can't live on one income anymore. This is not the 1950's"--to which I reply: our parents were poor and they did it anyway. Mama stayed home because she would have been horrified to leave her husband or children.

After that reason went around, they came up with "You need to use your degree. You will waste it. You have to keep your skills up," but we all know that things change so much that sometimes the job you trained in does not even exist by the time you get out of college and try to find a job, or by the time you think about going to work after your children are gone. There is no reason to get a degree and it is downright dangerous these days. Beta men who see a woman who has a degree make a beeline for her. They love nurses and professionals because they make 40 to 50 dollars an hour. They dont work, and why should they? Their degreed wives will support them. And they better use that degree!! Ive known several girls who got married because the man wanted the money she would make with her degree. Then they got divorced, and sometimes the girls make the same mistake again. If you have a degree and you aren't married, make sure that your future husband does not look at that degree as a money maker and expect you to use it or say you shouldnt waste it. He's after the money.

And these days I cant tell you how many men say that they have "no confidence" that their wives can be homemakers!! Its like they all went to the same "school of lines" where they learn a new line to throw at the women ha ha ha. But I am on to it. Its another ploy to intimidate and throw women off balance.

Basically the men are nervous about paying the house payment and other bills. But they are wired for such stresses and should not complain. They need to buck up and be men and take the responsiblity and not be weak and ask the wife to work. It just turns my stomach. Any man who asks his wife to work ought o hang down his head and cry for shame.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

As a church member, I try to make any homeschool material I have available to anyone who cannot afford it. That is one contribution others can make, and free up space in the bookshelf. I try to also get them to return it so I can lend it out again. I have materials from k through 12 so I could help a home school family for 12 years.

L said...

Yippee for single homeschooling, homekeeping, home business mommas. It is not only possible to do all of the above, it is plain good old fashioned fun. I love my life. I stayed at home and started 2 businesses over the years. I have been homeless as a single momma and buried a kid. Life is hard but God is good.

The bottom line is: ARE WE GOING TO DO WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS REGARDLESS OF OUR MARITAL STATUS OR ARE WE GOING TO FOLLOW THE ADVISE OF WELL MEANING INDIVIDUALS? I am so grateful that people care. However, they did not always agree with what the Lord told me to do. I started homeschooling in 1989, was dumped in 1992, and kept staying home and homeschooling. My youngest graduates from home school high school in 89 days. It is very possible to do all of these things. We do not do things like our married sisters. We can't. Our households and lives while similar are still vastly different. Yes, it would be nice at times to have an earthly husband to share the load but I have a Heavenly Husband who bears all of the load. It would also be beneficial to have a guy fix my two broken toilets. I don't need a guy to fix the toilets I am going to learn how to do it myself! I bought the parts and a book with pictures for a couple of dollars and plan on doing that this weekend.

Yes, the local church is not helpful at all. It is not a fun place to be as a single homeschooling momma. I could go on and on about the local church and what they should be teaching and putting it into practice.

I was left in 1992 in with 5 children ages 7 months-8 years old. I had no money, no food, and 2 dead vehicles. God taught me how to become a good businesswoman. I purchased a house 9 years ago and am currently killing the mortgage. I own a newer car debt free.

Yes, single mommas can stay home and homeschool and homebusiness. I am having the time of my life. I also plan on spending my Titus 2 years helping single mommas do the same thing.
L.
www.singlehomeschoolingmommas.com

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Kristi,

One reason God's women are to be keepers at home is so that the word of God be not blasphemed. Go to Theme Articles and click on the Titus 2 article that has a quote by Adam Clark, about the way the world mocks Christian women when they do not keep house or keep their families together under control.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

I smile when I find out that most people who ridicule the idea of women going back home to their parents homes, sometimes end up living with their parents, for one reason or another--financial or personal. They mock it because they dont fully understand why so many people are doing it, but they understand when it happens to them.

Emmarinda said...

And if there are unmarried ladies reading this, I would seek to encourage you in the most forthright terms to be careful whom you choose to marry and have children with. Please get right with God before you go looking for Mr. Right, and make sure you are hearing from the Lord in your decision of whom to marry. Some of the single motherhood problem comes from well-meaning, tender-hearted women picking unstable men to be the fathers of their children. For one reason or another, the mother and children get left, which is horrible. So I am just praying that men would start to act like men again and that women would begin to be wise with these most important issues, in order to avoid a world of grief.
To those who find themselves already in these difficult straits, I offer my prayers and added agreement to what Lydia has said. If possible, go home. Or seek refuge with another godly family or person - NOT with another man. A study was conducted a few years back that showed that after an intact mother/father/children family, a child's best chance for happiness lay in a single parent family wherein the parent does not remarry (or needless to say, shack up with) a new person. Many a godly widow or abandoned wife successfully raised good children in years past this way, my paternal grandmother being one of them. Did you think that sin and scandal appeared in the 1960's? Oh my, no, this was the 1920's.

Anonymous said...

I'm a single mother who has been able to stay at home for nearly 10 years now after a divorce. I have a home business, and have had a variety of them throughout the years. It's been hard, and I've had to have government assistance off and on, but I don't care! I'll do anything to be at home with my children! Most churches will not/cannot provide this. To those who say it's wrong for anyone to accept government assistance (which is not my desire, of course!), there are an awful lot of folks who accept unemployment checks, checks for disability, and checks for adopting children, but they criticize a woman who is trying to raise her kids right and has to accept assistance. If she's living right, trying to build up her home business, and is honest with the system, she should not be criticized.

Anonymous said...

My sister adopted a single women and her children as a secret Aunt so-to- speak. She listened when the mother mentioned sizes or needs to others and others helped her gather information on needs. My sister gathered homeschooling supplies and clothes and things the home or children needed. Little gifts the mother may cherish but not afford to get herself for herself. My sister had been a single mother after she had no choice but to divorce her husband. She understood what it was like. For years and years she helped in secret. I think my sister got as much or more joy out of doing it than the family did. My sister had had a secret person when her children were little who left toys and things on her door step. My sister never did find out who did it. She felt she had an earthly angel. I have passed on this tradition and done this myself with many sisters who need encouragement and help.

Anonymous said...

If we think as homekeepers we are lonely in our job the single mother must be more so. She must feel alone. Please encourage her. Support her. Love her and her chidren. We all have to know some women who could use us in one way or the other. I commend you Mrs Sherman for standing up for your's and the values of our Lord. I have seen several preachers go on shows being picked to pieces and you knew for certain they had planned it all out before the innocent person had come on to the show. Where is the shame? Have they hardened their hearts that much? Do they not have any fear of the Lord? No love in their hearts? It doesn't seem so does it.

Anonymous said...

Between the call to more hospitality being talked about more recently plus now the realization again that there are women and children out there I could be helping I feel this is a real wake up call for me to not just think about this but do more about it! Church starts with me. Even if my church does its duty for the widows and orphans what am I doing? I was gettting comfortable thinking I do my part. I do some but could certainly do more. Thankyou for the huge wake up call.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Re: the interview: They were not at all ashamed; neither could they blush.

Anonymous said...

I'm a grown daughter, and my mother wants me to get a "real" job and move out. My heart isn't in it at all, but it doesn't look like she will let me continue to live at home.

I was thinking perhaps I could work in someone's home as a housekeeper for a time, or maybe work on a farm. Any other ideas for how to keep developing my homemaking skills? Thank you so much.

Anonymous said...

For the young lady who is being pressured by family to find employment and move out of home, if you are in Australia, and living in Queensland, there may be one option to consider; our QLD college of TAFE (Technical and Further Education - the Aus equivalent to the US community college system) actually has a programme to train Governesses to then be placed with remote rural families and their children, living in, as part of the family, educating their children (via providing support for them as they undertake distance Ed and School of the Air (or the Christian equivalent offered by Grove or similar Australian Christian Academy schools - campussed schools which also offer distance and correspondance ed - it is a very ingenius way to get around anti-homeschool legislation difficulties for ladies in Aus; children are enrolled as distance ed students with said schools, even if interstate, and this should be enough to keep local authorities quiet).

If there is a Godly farming family in need of a Governess for their children, such would be a perfect match for a young lady whose parents are forcing them to leave or 'get a job'.

Queensland is the only state in Australia that still offers this option to young ladies, and it is a time-honoured way, especially for those girls in difficult straits.

Anonymous said...

I like this post a lot. I always enjoy your take on homemaking and finances because it is so true, yet so seldom heard.

Women who want to be homemakers should try hard to marry someone with similiar values before starting a family. There are other ways to do things, but it is far easier if the plan is in place from a young age so a woman makes decisions that will help her realize that goal. Once married, women should do everything possible to avoid a divorce if she is a homemaker and wants to remain one.

It is also very helpful not to take on too much too soon money-wise. Once a costly lifestyle is in place, two incomes really are needed to support it. It is especially important not to take on a home one cannot afford to pay for without two incomes. Student loans are another thing that cause a great deal of trouble for many.

I think Fascinating Womanhood makes very good points about this issue, especially where the book points out that women need to accept whatever home their man can provide for them and live within their means, making the best of things without complaining. That can be one of the hardest parts of homemaking, but it is absolutely necessary if a woman wants her husband to support her as a homemaker.

Kate said...

Oops, sorry Lady Lydia, I forgot to make my comment anonymous. Could you do it for me should you approve it? Thank you!

Kate said...

My humble opinion:

In our home my husband has appointed me the handler of finances. Whether or not others agree with that is moot because that's how it is in our house. As a quick side note, if you are a wife in this situation and you feel your husband should take care of this instead, continue to honor him by doing as he wishes, but keep strict books and keep them accessible so your husband can review them any time. Discuss finances with him.

It is also ridiculous to worry about finances, even though I am prone to, because the Lord does provide! Still, there is a difference between taking concerns into consideration (oh, that unexpected hospital bill really put a dent in the budget. I better not pick up any fun extras at the grocery store for a while. We'll just have to put off getting the new rug for the living room.) and being out and out worried over money.

As for single mothers, unfortunately we do not live in a perfect world. And our churches have failed in the caring for widows and orphans. Whether or not you agree with government assistance, it was put in place to help out the unfortunate. But now the fraud is terrible. My own in-laws live next door to 3rd generation welfare abusers despite several grown men fully capable of providing for their family living there. I could give so many examples of fraud and corruption in the system. It should be there to help out those who cannot find help anywhere else.

My cousin moved in with her parents after the loss of her husband. She has since remarried. My husband encourages me to move back in with my parents should he pass on. Reasons:
1. Our children will need a father figure...they can get that in the man who raised me.
2. I can help out my aging parents in the home not only physically but financially (which hubby's death benefit package, life insurance, the sale or renting out of our home, and anything else I'd sell.)
3. I'd have the loving support of my family and not have to go at it alone.

Granted, I have a beautiful situation laid out before me. So many women do not. And these are the women we should look to help. I feel it in my heart that perhaps someday the Lord will place a single mother in my path who'll need to work but need a safe, loving, Christian home for her children (as opposed to a sardine-can government day care system) and I will open my home as a caregiver for her children while she works.

Unfortunately, so many single moms are in less than ideal situations. It is HARD. My own dear husband is away for a time because of his career. Though I still have his love and financial support, raising our children alone during this time and taking care of everything in the home alone is very trying. My heart goes out to single moms.

Anonymous said...

To the last young woman who is considering options when leaving home, you might begin to pray about the possibility of becoming a companion to an elderly lady. This would not only provide an opportunity to hone your housekeeping skills, but also develop light nursing skills. An added benefit is time spent reading good books aloud to your elderly companion and an ability to become a good conversationalist, discussing current events from the newspaper, etc. There could be time for knitting, etc. during these times of conversation. This was once a more common practice; but with the LORD's guidance, a young woman could find a very satisfactory position with the right elderly woman, gaining even more than she gives.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear about the incident with the radio station. How awful. It sounds like you handled it with grace and dignity. I am glad you did not let that incident keep you from starting this blog.

Laura Ashley said...

I'm a single mother. I would just like to say thanks to everyone's support and positive comments here. I often avoid reading folk's opinion on single parents because sometimes they can get nasty.
Some of us are trying to teach our children as well as younger women to not make the same mistakes we did. (I realize though that some are single through no fault of their own)
There is a 19-year old mother of a 3 month old at my work. She is living with but considering breaking up with the father. He isn't abusive or anything like that, but he does go out and party a lot. That has to be difficult, but I know her life will be that much harder without him. I wish there was a way for her to know that it is probably best for her to keep her family together.
I think any job that can have a flexible schedule is good for a single parent. By flexible I mean you can easily get someone to cover a shift if you need or you can change your hours of availability. Something like a hairdresser or nurse. The problem for me is I don't have time to train outside the home for a better job.
If you don't get child support, it is going to be just about impossible for a single mother to stay home. But if we work hard, maybe one days things will be easier.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

True, they are not laughing now: many more young women are giving up their rent and returning home to wait for marriage. Some are returning home while their husbands are deployed. Others are returning home to care for their elderly parents or grandparents. When I heard Dr. Laura a couple of weeks ago tell a single mom to move in with her parents so she could stay home with her children, I thought she had heard that awful intervew.

And as far as divorce goes: the first thing the judge will do is assign the wife to get a job. Then he will subtract what she makes from what the husband has been assigned to give her in support. She is better off to keep the husband, stay home with the children and have support. When people cant get out of a marriage they often work it out and make the best of it. Anyone married over 50 years will tell you they had the same problems that women have to day but they got through it without divorce. (continue)

Moderate Mouse said...

I just found an article regarding the homeschooling issue here's the link if anyone's interested:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20100302/us_time/09171196809900

Now granted, I'm from one of those families where being schooled outside the home (public school by default) was the norm, and it probably will be for years to come, but it's shocking to hear that in some countries homeschooling is either only legal under select circumstances or not legal at all. There's one family who has had to leave their home country and come to the US in order to still be able to homeschool their kids, a right that is very easy to take for granted in the US. If those of you who homeschool have never had to deal with legal issues associated with it, consider yourselves lucky.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Acknowledgement to a visitor

St Mary's University in Plano Texas

Anonymous said...

I have children, young children, and am homeschooling them, (not so well these days), but my husband wants me in college now and to get a job in a couple years (when the children are pre-teens) so that he can have all the luxuries, cruises, and stuff he sees his friends and family members with two incomes having.
I don't see how the children or I will benefit in any way from this, except I suppose he might be happier with this stuff. I don't know how to handle this whole situation. Me taking college courses has been very hard on our home, I have not done well in class anyway, and I was never a great housekeeper, and the children's behavior has become bad. He doesn't see the problems at all. His family doesn't see any reason why I shouldn't work, so they are no help (they go to one of those mega-churches which is all about having the women work so they can pay more tithes). I have thought of leaving, but I have no where to go--while I'm sure my parents would welcome us, my father isn't a Christian and I have sons. It was bad enough for me as a child, so I don't want to put them through that either. What do you suggest I ought to do?

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for the suggestions for a single young lady to:

- work for an elderly lady who would like a companion

- work for a homeschooling family as a governess

What lovely ideas! Thank you so very much!

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Yes, we are endorsing that. Women are not made to stand the rigours of the workforce. they were made to sit and knit and cuddle a baby. If no baby, they can still knit.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

I can go more into depth about various choices you might have, later, perhaps.

In the meantime I can briefly tell you that the Bible says that wives are to live in such a way as to win over their husbands to the right way. That takes a certain amount of confidence and control. Women lost control of their lives when so many of them went to work. Men no longer wanted to protect and respect them. In Victorian times, contrary to popular myth, women had a lot more control of the men and children, even though they were in a submissive role. They made the men go to work and suppor the family so they could stay home and keep house and guide the children. Women were safe from being sent by husbands to work. No husband would have dared. He would have been taken to the woodshed and tarred and feathered and left in the snow, by her brothers or father, even after they were married, if he had laid a hand on her or abused or intimidated her in any way. You didnt call the police in those days and you didnt get therapists. The family and society in general took care of the unruly man because women were respected, for the most part. As far as I can tell from research and reading, men of the Victorian era did not require their wives to work outside the home. We lost that when the femininists brainwashed women into working outside the home. Now the men feel justified in pushing their wives to work. Shame on them.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Concerning the role of the church in caring for widows, I have written posts on that and shown what the Bible says about it.

The church is not authorized in the New testament to provide a welfare system to care for single women or abandoned mothers. However, the individual IS commanded to show charity and to be generous. this is really MUCH simpler than trying to get a whole church to agree to a program to provide for people. the program can always be corrupted, but if individuals care for someone, it is easier to detect abuses and easier to detect needs.

The women who are so concerned about the back up plan can create a back up plan by putting some of their church contribution into their own benevolent fund for such cases. they can keep a room ready to host any young woman in need. I really get tired of that back-up plan business. Each time someone asks me what my back up plan is, I want to ask them to put aside a fund. They want you to go to school and get a job but they will not contribute a penny to this expense. They want you to have a back up plan but they want it to the be the back up plan of the prevailing culture: go to work. What is astonishing to me is that women who are over 60 years old are being asked the same question and yet by then, they have a savings and quite a good insurance plan and retirement money. Its all propaganda. Women CAN stay home.No one is going to arrest you if you dont go to work. No one is going to force you into a car and take you to work. I have heard women say that if God did not want them to work, He would prevent it. Yet they get up each day and farm their kids out 3 different way and go to work. they get in the car all by themselves and go to work. So ultimately it is up to the woman. No husband is going to find a job for his wife and then push her in the car and force her to go. Its all a mind control thing.

Anonymous said...

To the woman whose husband wants her to go to school and work: maybe you could just appeal to him to let you have a semester off from school, and then redouble your efforts at home to make a clean, organized and warm home life. Get some control back with the children and let your success at home and a sunny disposition speak to his heart. You can mention, in a very off-handed way from time to time, how rich and wonderful your lives are because you are able to focus on making a sweet home life. I would also really study how I could cater to him with good meals, freshly laundered and ironed work clothes and other things that only a stay at home wife can accomplish. Send him to work with delightful lunches that you lovingly pack. You can say things like, "I wonder if your coworkers are jealous of the way I take care of you?" "Or look how much money we are saving by me doing (this or that). Maybe you can show a bit of hospitality to his family or people from work. Let them see how wonderful your lives are because you are home. I know that all these suggestions mean work, with a capital W, but he needs reasons to want his wife home and his children homes chooled. We are to let our good works shine before men, that they may praise our Father in heaven.

Anonymous said...

I heard Dr. Dobson talking years ago saying each year on his marriage anniversary he and his wife quickly review all their financial and other considerations. That way she is familiar with where they are and both can ask if things need adjusting and such then. He wanted her to feel safe and secure. We tend to not want to think of what will happen issues. Just start doing something about them and keep working towards it through the years. Then if something does happen both of you will be better prepared. When we started doing so many years ago I thought we could not afford the even the small amount we put aside for it. But now it is just part of life and we don't think of it as money we do not have to spend at all. Also we have had so many instances where God has provided. It Had to be Him as there is no other way it could have happened. My husband says a man is a fool if he thinks his wife can have an outside job and take care of his family and home too. If he only likes to work at one job why would he make her do two? The work he does around the home or yard can be done at any time he can. Woman's work at home does not equal the kind of things he does for his home. Her work has to be done daily and in a timely manor. She cannot wait for the weekend or such to do for her home and family like he sometimes has to in many of his chores. The children need her to be there for them whenever they need her not at set hours. He said coming home to a home without the family to welcome him in would be misserable. Why would a man want his wife to wear herself out at a job outside her home then when he comes home she is too tired to even enjoy their life...and still have a full time job to do yet at home?

Anonymous said...

What an accurate post. I am very frightened about money, even though I am staying home and doing everything I feel God is calling me to do...I repeat the 23rd Psalm often but I am still fearful! It takes a lot of faith to live by faith!!!

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Yes we do have the best welfare system in the country. People abuse it. Our welfare system is such a great back up plan that millions of illegal immigrants risk their lives to come across the border to get it. So I dont know what women worry about. With earned pensions, workers comp, and other insurance and automatic savings plans, women wont be living under a bridge if something happens to their husbands. One problem is that there is SO MUCH welfare that our children will not want to care for us. They will reason that there is a government program in place and they wont have to do it.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lady Lydia,

Thank you for creating a blog where one can come and receive advice and encouragement without all the debate and argument. Debate has it's place, but I find I need much more encouragement and the need for edification these days.

I need some advice about my situation. My husband is unemployed, and has been for some months. Our needs are being met, praise God, and I am homeschooling our two children (son 17, daughter 14). My son will graduate this year.

We were both raised in households where we were taught feminist ideas. He was raised by a domineering stepmother and a father who stayed home and let her go out and earn money. I was raised by a SAHM, who still taught my two sisters and I that we should get our college education and then expect to work outside the home. I did just that for many years, but now I am trying to live by the word of God, and teach my children that too.

My husband, who claims to be a believer, is not demanding outright that I go to work, but I know he would welcome it and has made a few suggestions that maybe I should try and look for work "to help out" until he finds a job. I'm not opposed to helping him out, and I've set up an Etsy shop to try and sell some items I've sewn, but I think it would be wrong to leave the home to earn a living. My daughter, on the brink of womanhood, especially needs me here.

Scripture says I am to be a keeper at home, but also says to submit to my husband. I have prayed and still do not know what to do. I want to be obedient to God, first and foremost, and be pleasing to Him, so would you say the verse about submitting to husbands wishes trumps over the one about being a keeper at home? Or vice versa?

Thank you

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

Keep things in persepective: people are really intimidating and persuasive when they are trying to get you to give up your standards.

Firstly, you are right to stay home. That has never changed. Just because the world changes around us does not mean we flee our homes in pursuit of money. It does not necessarily give you a better life. It fragments the family so that home just becomes a place to crash and get ready to go somewhere else with other people not even related to you who only want your money or your time and care nothing about whether you go to heaven or hell.

Secondly, you need to realize a time worn truth: if a woman will work outside the home, a man will LET her. He will then stay at home waiting for phone calls from job applications, which never come. He will sit at home waiting for checks in the mail . Your house will deteriorate. He will expect to be fed even though he is not working.

Thirdly you do your family and him much harmm by showing the bad example of letting him remain unemployed while you seek employment. If he cant find a job, what makes him think you will be able to find one. If there are just no jobs, how is it possible that the wife can find one. It makes no sense. Men need to stand up and protest at all the jobs that are available for women but not men. Even 50 years ago the banks and post office and dry good stores, the hardware stores, the businesses in towns were manned by men. Even secretaries were men.

If a man will not work, he should not eat. Because you have no income due to his unemployment, stop serving the treats and just make the food as plain as can be. When he complains say you are really looking forward to the food he is going to bring home when he gets a job.

e1cfdd2c-fe2f-11e2-a22c-000bcdcb5194 said...

Julie said...I am a single mother of four, widowed three years ago. I never realized until becoming a widow that there is a government program for just this situation, called social security survivor's insurance. While being on a government program is not the ideal situation, it does provide enough income to stay home on, depending on your husband's income and his age at death. It does not last forever, but until your youngest child reaches the age of sixteen. This is usually long enough to have time to go back to school or set up a home business, etc. In some states, medical insurance is also provided for the children.
Since my father and father-in-law have both died, this was my only option. I am able to stay at home with my young children and to continue to home educate them so at least they have some stability and one parent at home with them. I have time to go back to school (online) as well, so when the money stops coming, I will be able to stand on my own two feet by then.
Again, while it is not the ideal situation and I was quite ashamed of it at first, I quickly came to realize what an enormous blessing this program is. It should be a comfort to know that some kind of help is out there for those ladies who find themselves in this kind of tragic situation.

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