Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Show Me

There are many good homemaking sites around that encourage women to return to the home and to dedicate themselves to being wives and homemakers. A problem arises when the wife, though confident in the decision to quit work and become a keeper at home, has to battle the doubts and fears of her husband, who may not understand a woman's role. In cases such as these, it is always good to point out to him that you are not trying to rebel against him personally, and that is not your purpose to create strife between you, but to do what is good and right to do. Then, suggest that you both give it a grace period to work out the problems of adjustment, and show him what you can do.

Many young husbands have not grown up with mothers and grandmothers who were truly keepers of the home, and nuturers of the family. They see only women in the workplace. Their own mothers and sisters always worked, and they cannot remember a time when women stayed home. Therefore, they find it difficult to understand the need for it or the reason for it. They may conclude that "taking care" of a family means making money. The wife may say she wants to stay home and take care of the house, but he may think that making money is the same as taking care of something. We are entering a generation that is trying to emulate and restore the Biblical pattern and the model of women before us; the women of the 1800's, before so many women went to work outside the home, but we also have to deal with several generations of people who have never seen this style of life in action. The "show me" method is always the best way to prove that something can be done.

Husbands whose mothers and grandmothers worked, and who are surrounded by working women, may conclude that being a stay at home wife is nothing but laying around all day. One woman I know, had to take care of her husband once when he got sick and had to stay home from work. After she got him some soup and brought it to him, he wanted her to sit with him and talk or watch television. She said she could not do so because she had to get her work done. She very busy that day washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning the floor, going to the grocery store, and fixing meals. She said, "After that day, he never asked me what I did all day."

While I do not condemn any woman who works, I would ask that both the husband and the wife take a good, hard look at what the fruits of this really is, and compare it to the wife being at home. Years ago, a prominent author did some hands-on research, in which she interviewed many young men and women in prison. She discovered that none of them had mothers at home, and that both parents were very busy outside the home. She then interviewed those who had made success in their lives and gone on to become responsible husbands or wives, and were raising a family of their own. She discovered that their mothers had been keepers at home, waiting for them guarding them, and watching after their souls. She interviewed men whose wives were at home, and men whose wives were away. The ones whose wives were at home, were confident, healthy and happy. The ones whose wives were away, were rushed and worried.

Begin your new life at home by keeping the laundry caught up. Most marriages suffer when the wife cannot spend any enjoyable time relaxing with her husband because, after work, she has urgent housework to do. She finally lands in bed exhausted, after doing all the things that she could have been doing during the daylight hours when she was, instead, at work outside the home. The simple act of opening a drawer and finding a pair of matching socks, or a folded tee shirt, can take a lot of worry and tension off home living.

Next, learn to iron properly, a man's shirt. Have a look at people in jobs at airports and other places where there is an official dress code, and see where the creases are and and pressed areas. For instructions on how to iron a shirt, click here Having a pressed shirt and pressed pants each day is one way of showing how your being at home is a help. Some people think that ironing is no longer necessary or important, but even if some kinds of jobs do not require it, pressed clothing is a part of good grooming and sends the message that you take pride in yourself and your work. He will feel differently in a pressed shirt, and be more motivated to do his best. In Victorian times, men would no sooner think of going in public in torn, wrinkled clothing, than they would attend a state dinner in a pair of shorts.

Showing results of your homemaking is a way of providing evidence that the role of women is a successful and necessary one. Thoughtfully prepared meals, a clean kitchen, well arranged rooms and good decorating, are an advantage to your husband. If you work, you cannot pay attention to these details.

Being at home takes part of his tiredness away, for when he gets up in the morning, he does not have to find clean clothes or put any in the washer, fish things out of the dryer, iron his own shirt, make his own breakfast, pack his own lunch. While he is at work, the wife can take care of his mail, pay his bills, and look after his property. She notices when she washes a shirt that it needs a button. She checks to see that she has everything in stock for preparing dinner. She may even plan a quiet evening at home with him, and his favorite interests or hobbies.

Making a list that shows the things that need to be done at home, is very helpful in informing the husband of the many needs of the home and family. Showing him what you accomplished while at home during the day can impress on him the importance and the necessity of the woman being at home.

The other day a package came to my door. I was outside and the delivery person did not notice that I was at home, so left it there. I was glad I was able to get in inside the house to protect it from the rain. Little things like this are very important, as it keeps you and your husband self-sufficient, instead of depending on others to look after your things.

If a husband comes home and smells something good cooking, it relaxes him almost immediately. If the house is orderly and it looks relaxing and comfortable, he will be glad that his wife is a homemaker.

Showing a savings of money is a plus, in being a stay at home wife. Consider that each time you take the car and leave the house, it probably costs you up to twenty dollars, taking into account the cost of fuel and the places you would stop. Instead of getting a $3.00 drink in a paper cup, you can make a pot of tea and drink it in a porcelin cup at home. The cost per cup is just a few cents. Staying home saves the family expense, because you can spot unnecessary expenses. For example, I found I could monitor the use of electricity and keep lights off when not in certain rooms, and use an electric heater rather than heat up the entire house with expensive propane. Not everyone can do this, but this is just an example of how staying home can save you money.

Still, even if the wife cannot manage all these things, her being at home does not have to be justified by cleaning and cooking, but because her very presence is the main factor in home living. Just being there, even if she is not well and can only lay down upon the couch, is doing what she is supposed to do: guard the home.

If the wife approaches her responsibility in a kind and loving way, expressing it as a way to not only make her husband comfortable and happy, but also to be able to be fulfilled as a woman, he will be more likely to concede.

post script: Your appearance does have something to do with the impression that is formed about homemaking. While it is not necessary to wear a power suit or the kind of thing you would wear in the workforce, you can use the opportunity to wear a nice skirt and a feminine top. Support hose and sensible shoes (sensible without being ugly, that is), will improve your own view of life at home and the perception that your husband has of you in that role. If he sees that it improves your appearance and your dignity, it will reinforce in his mind the importance of the wife at home. One old story written around 1930, called "When Queens Ride By," accessed online in several places. One is written in narrative, and easier to read, but at present I can't find the link to it. It tells about a woman whose husband wanted her to work outside the home, and how she refused to do so and why. A part of this play reads:

Saturday, January 07, 2006

When Queens Ride ByBy Olive White Fortenbacher[Note: This prize-winning short play was written in the 1930s, but it calls to us just as loudly today. What an influence one woman can have!]John and Jennie Mangrave had eager plans when they married and took over the old farm. But their great faith dwindled as the first years passed. John worked later and later in the evenings. Jennie took more and more of the heavy tasks upon her own shoulders and had no time for the home and children. They were no further on, and life had degenerated into a straining, hopeless struggle.One hot afternoon, Jennie was loading baskets of tomatoes to take to town when the children came running to tell her there was a dressed-up lady at the kitchen door. Wearily she followed the children back and saw a woman in a gray tweed coat that seemed somehow to be a part of her brownish hair. She was not young, but she was beautiful! An aura of eager youth clung to her, a clean and exquisite freshness. The stranger in turn saw a young woman, haggard and weary. Her eyes looked hard and haunted. Her calico dress was shapeless and begrimed from her work.Stranger (smiling): "How do you do? We ran our car into the shade of your lane to have our lunch and rest for a while. And I walked on up to buy a few apples, if you have them."Jennie (grudgingly): "Won't you go in and sit down? I'll go and pick the apples."Stranger: "May I go with you? I'd love to help pick them."Jennie: "Why, I s'pose so. If you can get out there through the dirt." (She led the way along the unkempt path toward the orchard. She had never been so acutely conscious of the disorder about her. She reached the orchard and began to drag a long ladder from the fence to the apple tree.)Stranger (crying out): "Oh, but you can't do that! It's too heavy. Please let me pick a few from the ground."Jennie: "Heavy? This ladder? I wish I didn't ever lift anything heavier than this. After hoistin' bushel baskets of tomatoes onto a wagon, this feels light to me."Stranger: "But do you think you should? Do you think it's right...? Why, that's a man's work!"Jennie (furiously): "Right! Who are you to be askin' me whether I'm right or not? A person like you don't know what work is!"Stranger (soothingly): "I'm sorry I annoyed you by saying that. If you were to tell me all about it--because I'm only a stranger--perhaps it would help. Why can't we sit down here and rest a minute?"Jennie: "Rest? Me sit down to rest, an' the wagon loaded to go to town? It'll hurry me now to get back before dark."Stranger: "Just take the time you would have spent picking the apples. I wish I could help you. Won't you tell me why you have to work so hard?"Jennie (half sullenly): "There ain't much to tell, only that we ain't gettin' ahead. Henry Davis is talkin' about foreclosin' on us if we don't soon pay some principal. The time of the mortgage is out this year, an' mebbe he won't renew it. And it ain't that I haven't done my part. I'm barely thirty, an' I might be fifty, I'm so weatherbeaten. That's the way I've worked."Stranger: "And you think that has helped your husband?"Jennie (sharply): "Helped him? Why wouldn't it help him?"Stranger: "Men are such queer things, husbands especially. For instance, they want us to be economical, and yet they love to see us in pretty clothes. They need our work, and yet they want us to keep our youth and beauty. And sometimes they don't know themselves which they really want most. So we have to choose. That's what makes it so hard. Just after we were married, my husband decided to have his own business, so he started a very tiny one. I helped my husband in the store, but we would both be tired and discouraged after a hard day at the office and we didn't seem to be having any great success. The house got run down and dinner was always a hasty affair, and soon we both started complaining and bickering with each other. Finally, we decided that maybe I should stay at home and let him take care of his work at the office as best he could. And then I worked in my house to make it a clean, shining, happy place. My husband would come home dead-tired and discouraged, ready to give up the whole thing. But after he had eaten and sat in our bright little living room, and I had told him all the funny things I could invent about my day, I could see him change. By bedtime, he had his courage back, and by morning, he was all ready to go out and fight again. And at last he won."

Thanks to a reader, Heidi, for providing that link to the entire story, that I had been looking for, here

GUIDE, v.t. gide.
1. To lead or direct in a way; to conduct in a course or path; as, to guide an enemy or a traveler, who is not acquainted with the road or course.
The meek will he guide in judgment. Ps.25.
2. To direct; to order.
He will guide his affairs with discretion. Ps.112,
3. To influence; to give direction to. Men are guided by their interest, or supposed interest.
4. To instruct and direct. Let parents guide their children to virtue, dignity and happiness.
5. To direct; to regulate and manage; to superintend.
I will that the younger women marry, bear children, and guide the house. 1 Tim.5.


Anonymous said...

This was one of my most favorite articles that you have written. I thank you! I so enjoyed reading it, it almost made me cry (in a good way)because it filled my heart up to read all the examples you wrote about that shows our love to our husband (and family) by being such a good wife, mom and home maker. I know Im doing a pretty good job as home maker but you have inspired me to give it my 100% instead of 95%. In reading your article, I found one area in particluar that I can work on. Im so motivated to do so right away!
This home making work for me is so enjoyable. I love making my husband and family happy but I also love making myself happy when I see a beautifully decorated and clean and tidy room that smells of home cooking each day. It makes my own heart smile :)
Thank you, I LOVED this article!

~ Candy (from Edmonton, AB, CANADA)

Vanessa said...

Lady Lydia,

Thank you again for such an appropriate and well timed post!

I know already that my being home will be a good factor for our family. My husband says that he will be jealous because of me no longer working. I pray that he will see that I will have a lot to do being home and that I will not be laying around all day doing nothing or watching tv, as he often jokes. I now know what I shall do to encourage myself and him in my endeavours of being a stay at home wife. I pray that God will direct me each day that I will be home (my last day of work is Dec 15) and can show my husband that I will be doing what I should be doing and that is to stay home.

My coworkers do not understand why I am choosing this path for myself and I tell them that this is my God-given blessing and duty, to be at home. I know they believe I will be bored but I doubt that. They say I can cook and clean for only so much then I will be bored! I know that God has other plans for me and I truly pray that I will stay home from here on in.

Your point about husbands that don't understand why a wife would stay home struck me. When I told my brothers of my desire to stay home they seemed confused! Strange, considering our mother stayed home and raised us, while doing work in the home and at home (she was a seamtress) My husband's mother stayed home and raised him and his sister, so maybe that is why he is more willing to give this a try. I hope that he will truly see the impact of my being home is a good choice for us and our family. We have already done the maths and it looks like we will be better off financially with me staying home. I know the rest will come from God.

Thanks again for your inspirational and truly encouraging website. I have gleaned more information from here and LAF to help me know that I am on the right path.


wendybirde said...

Thank you for this wonderful post Lady Lydia! I found this part so moving: "If a husband comes home and smells something good cooking, it relaxes him almost immediately. If the house is orderly and it looks relaxing and comfortable, he will be glad that his wife is a homemaker." And thinking of that really gives a woman a warm feeling, that her nurturance really does matter to him.

Living with chronic pain and limits I also deeply appreciated this part: "Still, even if the wife cannot manage all these things, her being at home does not have to be justified by cleaning and cooking, but because her very presence is the main factor in home living. Just being there, even if she is not well and can only lay down upon the couch, is doing what she is supposed to do: guard the home."

Thank you so much for this : )

Anonymous said...

The "Above Rubies" magazine is a magazine to strengthen families (donation basis). Presently they offer a discounted Bible study for sale, called "The Power of Motherhood," written by Nancy Campbell. It's $10 (normally $18) with $2 shipping.

Another resource they have that looks helpful is a DVD (also comes as a book) called The Family Meal Table.

Nancy writes in this recent issue, #68:
"Do not take your family life for granted. Treasure it. Enjoy it. Make the most of your times together. Don't spoil these precious times with rude or hurtful words. Instead, pour love, joy and blessing into your marriage and your family. What you pour in will be what you reap.

Every principle of God is an eternal principle that cannot be broken. God's Word in Galatians 6:7 will always be fulfilled, 'Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap.' What you sow into your marriage and into your family life is what you will reap. It will come back to haunt you or to bless you. It will affect not only the lives of your family, but your own life also. The blessing of your life depends upon how you bless your family...

[Nancy writes of God's love for the family and continues with:]
"Ask Him to come into your home and fill it with His presence. Ask Him to come into your marriage relationship and fill it with His sweetness and harmony. He is waiting to be part of your marriage and your family life. What joy when Christ walks in the midst of your home."

The Above Rubies site is

Anonymous said...

Lady Lydia-
just wanted to express how much I love your blog and the LAF site as well.
I am not a mother, nor a wife but am a 32 college student (recently gone back to get my Bachlors degree) but the information and stories I read on both sites are so inspirational for me. It's something I am learning and desire to be one day, God willing. While I am thankful for the chance God has given me to go back to school and I hope to use my degree to further His kingdom, I also am starting to feel strongly that I would not mind it either if God were to provide me a Good Christian God-fearing Husband to provide for us and I could then be the wife and hopefully mother that God is molding me into even now.
Thanks again for the articles and such. I have and am learning so much.

Much love in Christ-
Miss Jana

Lydia said...

Miss Jana,

The whole problem with young women working, is that when they get married, their husbands expect them to continue to work, and it is difficult to quit.

Some parents are overcoming this, by allowing their daughters to live at home until they are married. I saw the difference in the stress on our daughter and other girls her age. When she got married, her husband did not expect that she would work outside the home. It was natural to him that she would be a homemaker, for that is the role she was in when he met her.

Sometimes women work and then after they have been married for awhile they realize they need to be home. The husband objects and say that she "has changed," and he doesn't like it. He claims that they no longer have anything in common, because she wants to be a homemaker and he is the breadwinner.

If on the other hand he meets her when she is not working, and she states from the beginning that she will be a help meet at home, he finds it much easier to accept.

Lydia said...

In quitting work, make it not an act of defiance against the husband, but a rejection of the feminist program for women,which for years, has sought to remove them from the home, where they can have the most influence.

Anonymous said...

I feel very blessed that my husband appreciates the role of the homekeeper. He knows from firsthand experience that life can be good, even with seven kids (five boys, no less) on a seasonal carpenter's salary...

He has no expectations of great wealth. I think that nowadays, with our "high standard of living," we devalue living at all--giving rise to the pro-abortion argument of "It's not fair for the child to be born into poverty..."

(Was that a digression or was it? *grin*)

We met through, so we knew up-front what each of us expected. I was very careful to specify that I -expected- to be a stay-at-home mother--and I mean expected BOTH halves of that phrase. That kept away the "modern" guys, I believe.

Btw, ladies, I have about two months until nearly-full retirement (I'm keeping on a couple of clients for the sake of our being friends, but I may pass them on if it gets too stressful or expensive). If any of you can spare a bit of prayer time for me, could you please pray that I don't totally lose my mind with my remaining "short-term" clients? They all just complicated on me again. I worry about the effects of the stress on Baby's health, so any prayers you can spare would be a true help to me!

Mrs. Bartlett

Anonymous said...

For the lady who asked Lady Lydia to pass along her email address to me..... PLease feel free to email Lady Lydia again with your email address and she will get it to me. I would love to hear from you!

Thanks :)
Candy (from: Edmonton, AB, CANADA)

Jenn said...

This was a terrific article, one of my faves actually. I have been fully at home for almost 3 years now. I also feel blessed that my dh values what I can do being at home. Even still, now and then my dh will mention me working a couple days a week....I think perhaps he thinks doing so might give me a "break" or something.

Give me a break! LOL I just tell him I do not need a break from my own family. I basically ask to please just let me enjoy taking care of our children and home. Then he usually doesn't bring it up for awhile. It makes me wonder how one would handle if their husband wasn't so understanding. If my husband ever demanded me to get a job I would feel obligated, although very resentful. I *hope* that never happens.

Ohiomom9977 said...

This was an awesome article - I'm printing it and keeping it to read again and again.

I worked for the first 4 years of my marriage and the first year of my daughters life. It took some comvincing to get my husband to see that home was a better place for me but the rewards have been great. We are now expecting our second daughter - something that never would have been possible if I were still working outside the home.

I am the only stay at home mom that I know (other than on the internet) and I am constantly getting comments like - "well you have time since you sit home all day" or "I couldn't stand to just sit around all the time" (I work much harder now than I did as a paralegal) or "I stayed home for awhile and got so bored". It's always hard to hear those comments and I'm always at a loss for words. It's blogs like yours that really help me feel like what I do is worthwhile.

Lynda said...

I just love reading your blog! I come here everyday!! I was hoping you were going to link the websites you were referring to in the article. I have some bookmarked, but was getting excited to see the ones you have saved also! I do doubt from time to time if I should be home or out "doing something with my life". These doubts do not come from my husband however. I do feel that it does come from society onto myself. I love staying home. I do get overwhelmed with my son though and that is when I look to spend time out of the home. I feel guilty about wanting him to spend time in daycare so I don't have to lose my temper with him. (I believe that he has ADHD and my husband doesn't quite agree with me, but he works long hours in the military at night and sleeps during the day so doens't really see his tendicies.) sorry for the long comment.

Lydia said...

So sitting in an office day after day, appearing in courtrooms, and consulting with clients (who usually have some unhappiness to complain about) is not boring? I admit it might be fun and different to do it one day, once in awhile, but to have a 20 year sentence of it, would be frustrating. Home, on the other hand, changes from day to day. It is never boring as some would have it. children don't stay exactly the same age or say the exact same thing. As weeks go by, things change at home, as people grow and change in different areas. Wives learn new things and different ways of doing things. The table cloth changes, the furniture changes, the meals change. I don't have the very same home or the same routine that Ihad 30 years ago. Home living changes according to the needs of the family. On the other hand, sometimes the routine at work is very hard to change, even if it is not efficient or doesn't serve the people as it could. At least at home you can be flexible and if one thing does not work, try another.

I am one that if asked to go to work, would not do it. I think, though I would not say "no," I would just make sure he knew that I needed extra money for gas and that the salary would not really balance the cost of going to work.

Anonymous said...

I didn't know any better and worked when I was first married for about three years. I had a stressful job and finally my husband gave me permission to leave although he wanted me to find another job. God blessed us with an unexpected pregancy at that time and due to pregnancy complications I was unable to work and have been home ever since (7 years and three children later). It has taken a bit of sorting out though because even though my husband really wants me to be home he would still tell me to go out and get a job if I asked him for some money for something for myself or if we were having financial difficulties that would require sacrifices on his behalf. I finally told him how upsetting his comments are - I explained to him that when we first met I was at Uni and I made career sacrifices to be with him and again in staying home with our children. I do not want to work and am happy being home but I want respect from my husband as well. I need him value my contribution to our life and the quality of our living. When he tells me to "get a job" I feel he is being demeaning and very disrespectful to me. I think he has finally understood this as he promised not to say it again and that was 6 months ago. I don't care what other people think about me being home but don't expect my husband to treat me like other people do especially when he is the benficiary of my homemaking. It is something that still upsets me and I am crying as I write this - it is such a paradox as I know my husband really does not want me to go to work yet he could still want me to go without and beg for things because I wasn't working.

wendybirde said...

Mrs MacKenzei I was so moved by what you said. Would you mind a reader here giving you a cyber hug? It goes straight to the core when men say things like that, "go out and get a job (or do without)". Its hard to even explain how deep, I dont even have the words. But it leaves me in tears too.

Maybe it is because love for a woman deep down is headship, protection and cherishing I feel. So when a man expects us to risk ourselves and be vulnerable or harmed out in the world working, or expects us to go without, either of these things feel like a huge giant "I don't love you and I am no longer the protector/cherisher of your well being, you are no longer under my active headship, that rightful wing protecting you is gone". And just like with your husband, thanks to feminism most men dont even realize they are even having this deeply hurtful and harmful impact there until we say something. Or even worse until, as in your case (it sounds like, wasnt sure) and in mine as well, an injury or illness steps in and speaks for us when we before could not.

When you said "I want respect from my husband as well. I need him (to) value my contribution to our life and the quality of our living" I wanted to say Amen. And I feel it is not wrong for us to expect a man to provide and protect, that that is what he is *supposed* to be doing, we should not have to beg and fight for this like we have to today. I know we shouldn't demand frivilous things (big vacations, beauty parlors, fancy cars, high fashion, unwise spending etc), but caring for our comfort and well being should be part of a man's providing and protecting--we should not have to "fight" for it and it is so deeply hurtful and harmful when we have to do just that. It's body hurt and it's heart hurt, and it goes so very deep.

I truly do pray things work out for you : )

Anonymous said...

I have been observing a trend recently that has me concerned. More and more women are starting work-at-home businesses. Now, do not get me wrong here, earning extra income while still managing your home can be a great blessing. Better yet would be a family run business where everyone works together. However, I know of women who are working at home and are seriously neglecting their families in the process. One well meaning woman I know has become so wrapped up in her business that her house is an utter disaster area and her young two year old has become an unruly child, to say the least. She hits her mother and is very unpleasant to be around. Her eldest daughter has spoken up that since mother has started her little business, she has no time for any of them. This is so sad. This woman truly does believe that because she is still home, the children can come to her if they need her and she is bringing in extra income that is providing the family with extra perks. As I said, a well managed cottage business can be a blessing. Unfortunatly, I see too many woman spreading themselves so thin that the home suffers. A house in disarray and children who feel neglected is not a blessing. I wonder how many other work-at-home mothers are managing their homes this way?

Lydia said...

I first noticed this trend back in the 70's. I was shocked when I visited a woman who had a business at home. She had the boxes of goods to deliver, and all the paperwork everywhere, but her children always seemed to be in their bedclothes, and the house was a mess. She thought making money was more important than keeping house. It is more important to keep house and provide good meals and a good atmosphere for your family, including uncluttered rooms to have peace in. This doesn't mean that she has to keep the sink clean or the laundry done if she is sick, but even sick women sometimes manage to get up and put in a load of laundry. Businesses at home for the women are a real deterrant to homemaking. Unless she is really organzied and has her home under control and her children aren't being neglected, it is best she concentrate on the home.

Vanessa said...

anonymous and Lady Lydia well said!

I frequent a site and feel 'alone' seeking ideas from those who are sahws or sahms as they all have businesses at home. This is one road I personally do not want to walk on as I feel my duty is to guard the home and not do what I was doing outside, inside. I mean, I have no problem with a little business that will uplift and encourage the wife or mother without causing stress and make her neglect her duties in her household, but as you stated when this effects the family and home, it is not good.

This truly is the only place where I feel that I can get Godly advice and encouragement in the ways of a wife's household.


Mrs. Wayne Hunter said...

Lady Lydia - where would we homemakers be without you??? Your insight, wisdom, and knowledge are awesome! You are definitely far above rubies!

Anonymous said...

I just want to add another comment. I don't want my previous post to be misunderstood. My husband is a wonderful caring man who has been learning what headship means. He comes from a non christian family and although his mother stayed at home she did go out and work in times of financial hardship. I think feminism has done men a great disservice and it has been hard for my husband to change his thinking and see that I need to be cherished and protected. This is because his mother is a strong woman and our culture is quick to slap a man down for showing consideration to women. I am far from perfect either and still have a lot to learn about being a proper wife. I really appreciate my husband and thank God for the changes he is making in both our lives. Discovering the LAF website and from that many more sites on the internet has been a wonderful blessing for me in my christian walk. I grew up in a christian home with a SAHM mother yet I was still so ignorant. As a teenager when my sister told my mother that all she wanted to do was get married, stay at home and have babies, she was horrified and told her she had to go and get a job. My mother is very bitter about her life and although she was a SAHM and cooked and sewed and taught us those skills, something must have gone wrong for her. I want to be a happy mother and a happy and joyful wife and have my daughters see that being home is a very wonderful thing.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lady Lydia,

I so agree with having daughters stay at home until married. It creates a mind set of sweet submission and the desire and ability to be a homemaker. It clearly defines the expectations of a woman’s role.
It is a sad state of affairs that so many women leave home to make their way in the world, picking up masculine tendencies and independence. It really sets up the woman for a long life of a dual role which will wear her out and she will be fighting against the very nature that God intended.

Unknown said...

I remember wanting to stay home, take care of our child and home but my husband and I felt we need the money. There were many times I was making more money then him and it was a sore spot with me. When I suffered a work and car accident I decided enough was enough, informed my husband I was quitting my job and staying home. I now suffer from severe chronic pain and have a partial disability but I'm home and love it! My husband recently told me that he realized I never was happy working outside of the home and wouldn't want me to. Thank you so much for posting this message. Our teenage son has informed me that he wouldn't want another person raising his children and that it's cool that his mom is home.

A Higher Calling said...

I don't know if it is the version of the story that you are looking for, but I posted a similar story on my blog a couple of weeks ago. The link to my blog is: and the title of the post is "The First Duty of Wives". It is basically the same story but is worded a bit different.

Thank you for the blessing that your blog is to me.

Have a blessed day,

Anonymous said...

We recently had a client visit our home who said to me "Evertime I have come into your house I have smelled something wonderful cooking." It is very true that the smell of nice things cooking relaxes people and makes them feel more at home. It was certainly the case with this client. He left our home with a very good feeling towards us. He later told my husband that he never eats that good at his home. My husband beemed and I was very please to have been a blessing to him in this way.

Wendy's Quilting said...

I was so fortunate to be home with my children and to take care of my home. Those years though were not easy and in order to keep food on the table and shoes on their feet I had to find ways to bring in extra money. I ran a small daycare and also a small sewing business, I believe neither job took away from my family only added to it. Not all marriages are healthy unfortunately and when there is abuse esp. directed at the children a choice has to be made. As a single mom, I did go back to school and I worked in an office full time for awhile, those were my most difficult and challenging parenting years. Now I do run a business out of my home which enables me to be there for my now teenagers and keep my home, but I'm also able too keep the home and feed the family.
Please be careful in Judging others who may actually have no choice but to earn the living, maybe reach out to them instead and offer help...and consider yourselves truly blessed that you are in your own shoes instead of theirs.
I don't mean to offend anyone. But sometimes in discussing something that we truly believe in we can come across as judgemental and I believe that we aren't meant to judge oneanother.

Anonymous said...

I love the story "When Queens Ride By". I have that story still, first given me by an instructor of preachers' wives in the early 90's while my husband was studying in ministry. Although my understanding of it was much dulled by the feminism of my thinking then, it still made me stop and imagine the scene. Now, I understand much better.

CJ said...

That's nice... but what if your husband is sick or disabled, or his job just doesn't provide enough income in this day and age to live on? What then?


Anonymous said...

From personal experience, I have to say that you ladies are right generally speaking about home businesses - my mom, feeling pressure from friends, started one about a year and a half ago. It soon became terribly time and thought-consuming, draining her of the energy she needed to be directing towards her family. She has thankfully shut down the business and being a wife and mother again, which has all of us very thankful.:-)