Subtle Frugality

I don't know how many people have seen the movie, "Cinderella Man," about a famous boxer during the Great Depression.(This film is not for children, and ladies beware if you tend to have high blood pressure. There is too much boxing. You could get really caught up in it and have a heart attack. My doctor told me to stop watching boxing matches!) Quite accurately, they portrayed the welfare lines with people dressed up in their suits and ties, and ladies in their hats and dresses and nice shoes.

No one really wanted to be poor, nor did anyone want hand-outs. Some people even paid back their welfare payments, because it was beneath their dignity to take money from anyone, even the government. Perhaps one reason they showed up in their good clothes is that the suits always lasted longer than the work clothes and didn't have holes in them. Another reason could be that in public, people always wanted to present a good front. They didn't want anyone to think they were ne-er-do-wells who just wouldn't work.

Most people were poor at that time through no fault of their own, yet they still wanted to work, if there had been any work to be had. There was still some of this dignity that carried over into the 1950's. I knew a lot of poor people but they tried not to let it show.

This may be hard for people living in this era to understand, but they didn't want freebies and hand-outs. They were fiercely independent. They wanted to solve their own problems. Though they accepted help from good friends and relatives, they remembered to pass on the favor to others in need when they got better off.

The posts on frugality have gotten the most attention than any other posts I've had so far, and there are over 400 of them. So, I thought while the interest is still high, I would make another article about this matter. This one deals with being subtle, or quiet, about frugality. There are several reasons for this.

Friends may despair of including us socially when they get tired of our frugal remarks ("You should wash out that plastic bag and use it again! Are you going to throw away that tin can? Can I have your leftover chicken?") It gets to be a big downer for others if we are so "obvious" in our frugality. So, my idea throughout all these articles was to disguise it so that you looked like you were living well. I suggested that the main thing was to remain happy and optimistic about life, and not be trying to remind everyone about your own hard times. We should not be trying to impose our own gloom on other people. In spite of financial lack, women at home need to be happy and optimistic, assuring others that there will be better times, just as there will always be daylight after a long night.

There are two extremes in this case: one can either be too vocal about being poorer, and appear to show it off, making others feel guilty if they have more, or, one can cry "poor" and still be trying to live an expensive lifestyle.

If you are trying to be more frugal and overcome a financial hardship, you can't go out buy something like a horse. I've known poor people who couldn't "make it" but they went out and got a horse. A horse has to have care and food and sometimes a place to stay, if you do not live in the country. These things costs money. A horse, or even an exotic indoor bird, is another mouth to feed. In hard times, I think you should be happy with an ordinary cat or dog or fish. Some people just want to buy something like that, because poverty can be depressing, and getting something exotic makes them feel better. However, I've seen, particularly with horses, people lose even more of their living. Several families I have known, seemed to go down-hill financially because they would not give up their expensive horses or animals that were costing them a lot of money. They didn't want to give up a part of their lifestyle that elevated them socially.

Other things people won't give up, erstwhile complaining to their parents or their families that they have fallen on "hard times" are tickets to concerts, nights out with friends, new clothing from expensive stores, and trips. When they ask parents or grandparents who have money (those people that saved the rubber bands and twist ties off things), the lenders don't want to give them anything because the couple won't pare down their expenses and live simply.

Young women who want to come home and be wives and mothers and homemakers, will often have two or three vehicles to "support" and have huge house payments. I heard a mother telling her pregnant daughter, "You could sell off two of your cars and sell your house, buy a smaller one that doesn't have as high payments, and stay home when your baby is born." The daughter wanted to continue working so her little child wouldn't have to suffer poverty like her mother had, when she was a girl. I'm sure this is a common story. I have listened to young mothers tell each other their plans for their children. They want them in all kinds of lessons and camps and activities that cost money and keep the mother running back and forth in a car. These are expenses that are not important, and will not guarantee a rich life later on.

People have a strange attitude toward poverty, as if it were a deadly or debilitating disease, leaving you marred for life. I smile. I was poor growing up and so were my parents and their parents. We didn't know it. Our parents kept it from us. Our mothers stayed home. Our lives were made richer by that. We thought we had it all. With a warm, cozy house, and a mother there at all times, what more would a child want?

I, and many other women my age are living proof that poverty doesn't hurt you. In fact, it can really be a great motivating factor in your life. If it had not been for poverty, some people would never have invented things. If it had not been for poverty, others would not have made up stories for their children. Many mothers would never have knit a sweater for someone they loved, if they had wealth enough to buy whatever they needed.

Many fathers would not have striven so hard to learn how to do just about everything so that they could always find work or offer something to sell, produced by their own hands. If it had not been for poverty, some families would not have learned to entertain themselves by singing. Look at the family of now famous singers: all poor, but they found something within themselves that they could do which eventually became something that brought prosperity. Many people today who are very creative and talented, grew up poor.

While practicing frugality, I think it is good to behave with dignity and not walk around like life is over. At the same time, it seems like a good idea to explain things once in awhile, to those who wonder why you don't go out to eat with them or buy new clothes. You might tell them you are trying to show an example to others of living within your income, and that you don't want all the world's goods anymore.

In the meantime, as I said before, it is so important to eat well, and eat right.Most cheap food consists of simple carbohydrates. Living on carbohydrates is not good for you. Products made of simple flours and sugars will eventually make your heart race and you will experience panic attacks. You may even develop a sleep disorder and a feeling of fear and anxiety. Even in poverty, there should be something to eat which is very good for you: fresh vegetables, fruits, fresh fish, meats and cheeses. If you eat bread, you should eat the highest quality you can bake or buy. It might cost more, but you don't need 4 slices of it to sustain you. You may need only one.

To make frugality a subtle art, it is good to keep up with things like entertaining and helping others, being creative, or sharing your talents and knowledge. You may not have much money but life doesn't have to stop.

Hospitality is especially important if you are trying to be frugal. It gives you the social life that seems to lift you, and others, out of discouragement. Like "When Queens Ride By," it gives the impression that all is well in the kingdom and that the Queen is still alive and thriving. There used to be people who would deliberately have a celebration with friends and loved ones when they met with hard times, just to show their appreciation for them. Afternoon tea is the least expensive kind of hospitality and is so elegant, an excellent gesture in times of hardship. This kind of activity provides a luxury that makes life seem rich. It does not cost much, either, and most people are happy to come over for tea made in a real teapot and served in your good china cups.

Some of you might remember watching a series in the 1950's called "Wagon Train," depicting the treacherous journey across America to Oregon or California, via the Conestoga wagons. Not all the travellers were rich, but at night when they had camped, they enjoyed music and fellowship that many rich people did not.

Others can remember when nobles and lords suddenly lost their fortunes, yet kept an air of propriety about them. Just because they had no money, did not mean they would not speak properly or refuse to bathe or suddenly become thieves. Poverty is not an excuse to become lesser human beings. Many of my generation would have been considered very poor by today's concept of poverty. We still had to wash our hair and faces, brush our teeth, keep our clothes clean, and keep a clean house and behave honorably to our parents. If there were no jobs, we at least used the time off to improve our own houses, work on the garden, or do something useful. It is important to dress up and look up and not accompany lack of money with a sour attitude or sink into depression.

You can still have people over for afternoon tea, which is so popular today, especially here in the U.S. where tea rooms and afternoon tea in homes have been going strong for 20 years and not showing any sign of declining. This kind of activity provides a luxury that makes life seem rich. It does not cost much, either, and most people are happy to come over for tea made in a real teapot and served in your good china cups.

Subtle frugality requires a cheerful countenance and a soul grateful for the rain on your face and the sun on your shoulders. Every family will have ups and downs financially. Remember the apostle Paul said that he knew how to "abound" (behave when he was well off) and how to be "abased" (get through hard times). So should we. We need to be heroes to those around us by showing how we can get through poverty and still become rich in many ways. It probably is not a good idea to complain about being poor, especially if you are a full time homemaker. People will always tell you to leave your children in daycare and get a job. They do not understand that there are some things worth more than money.

Being subtle means being hardly noticeable where wealth or poverty is concerned. Just as anyone would be dismayed at someone showing off their wealth and living to excess, wearing your poverty on your sleeve might be offensive to some. It is possible to explain your frugality with words like, "I have developed a liking for spending the evenings at home," when asked to go out, or "We haven't decided what kind of furniture we want yet. We are going to use this until we find just the right set," might silence those who put pressure on you.

There is one other thing that can be demoralizing to the family when talking about being more frugal: telling people that you are too poor and can't afford something, can be a kind of put-down to your husband, especially if he is the breadwinner. You may not mean it to sound that way, but it does send the message that he isn't a good provider. Instead of saying you are too poor, say that the item is too expensive.

Even when not enduring hard times, it is good to have a respect for our income and to use it as wisely as possible. Being generous and hospitable seems to create a feeling of living a lavish life, and what can be better than showing love toward others?