Friday, April 18, 2008

The Answer of a Man

Lovely Whatevers is updated with new paintings for your home. I would like to introduce you to a site Paris In A Cup. This lady sends a newsletter also. Very nice!

In keeping with short posts, I'd like to provide one answer to those who make rude remarks about the role of the full time homemaker. Hopefully I will have time for more posts on this subject. There is a variety of answers that can be offered.

The best explanation I ever heard was from a woman my age, who said, "I really do appreciate your concern. I know that ultimately you are thinking of my welfare. I have always wanted to be the best wife, mother and homemaker I could be. I'm still learning how to do that. It has been my dream to have a strong family and a nice home. A job would take that away from me. I just could not do both, successfully. I need to concentrate on one and do it well."

Pro 15:23 A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!


Lydia said...

Another answer: It has taken me a long time to arrive at the decision to be a homemaker. It will take me a long time to explain it, but for now I'll just say that it is Biblical and I want to be in line with that.

Lynn said...

It takes a kind of art of sensing the tension surrounding that person.

And it takes time to notice this - and everyone is in such a rush they just can't be bothered - hence all the falling out & disputes that you see.

Thank you for this post.

JKaye said...

It's so wise of you to point out about sensing the emotional state of other people before we respond to their questions. We usually focus on what we want to say, but sometimes, we need to think about what the other person really wants to hear.

Is the questioner genuinely interested in why we are homemakers? Then we can give a thoughtful answer. But, if the questioner appears to be just setting us up for ridicule, then it would be best to give an answer like Lady Lydia's suggestion of, "That's an interesting question!..."

This applies to a lot of other areas as well, such as when people ask you why you have or have not made a certain type of purchase, questions about how you choose to educate your children, where you go to church, etc etc etc.

Lydia said...

The word "interesting" can be very noncommittal and nuetral.Too bad all the critics can't learn to use it more. It doesn't stir up so much dust.

troubling stars said...

It's true. These questions can be so painful, and I used to be one of the people who at least internally was asking them! When I found my soul increasingly called to the role of full time homemaker at the birth of my son at age 22 (barely!) I was shocked. I had always thought to be a valid contributor to our community I must have some sort of exciting career (in the not for profit world, but still an out of home career). I often feel that I have to rationalize my decision, esp. to some of my high powered fellow college grads, or that people think I am selling out to some sort of easy and non-valuable life. But, I am slowly learning to be a mom, wife, and blessing in and to our home and have recently started blogging about this. Please check in, I have lots of questions on there people like you might be able to help me with! Every day my heart is filled with more joy in this found calling of mine. Thank you for writing this blog to encourage me on this path. I have found that when I surround myself with people with similar delight in this area (even if its only a cyber connection) the journey is more beautiful and healthful. Thanks again.

Stacy said...

That was fantastic advice. Something I need to take seriously as well. I have a habit of speaking my mind to those around me, and often get shot down which makes me feel like others don't really respect me. If i know that disrespect is comming (which i do) Then i should learn not to fuel the fire. Thank you =D

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing this wise advice! I look forward to learning more gracious ways to answer those who question me about my occupation!

Fair Skies said...

Hi. I know a lady, now around 80, who truly fits into the description of what a "lady" is. She was educated to have manners. She knows how to respond to nosy questions. I have heard her be extremely polite, but noncommital, in answering rude questions, or in talking with people that I know she isn't fond of. She is a master at saying things like, "How fascinating," or, "That's intriguing." Those are words that sound like praise, but, really, she is expressing fascination or is intrigued by how rude the other person is!

I've always felt like I just had to explain myself, and sometimes then get into a conversation I don't want to be in. I'm trying to learn to be more like my mannerly friend.

Anonymous said...

I love these replies, "That's interesting" or from the comment above, "That's fascinating, intriguing." Leaves them guessing (or not) without a useless confrontation.

I am so tired of people saying that women should not be at home because they may find themselves abandoned and destitute one day due to reliance on another. They seem to think that the homemaker is stupid, and we don't realize that there is indeed some financial risk in our path, and we do it anyway, out of conviction and a place of love. I also do not believe that they are genuinely concerned about our well-being. They say these things only to affirm their own choices.

Which is why it is probably best not to engage when you can sense that people already have their mind made up on the topic!

~ Ann