Saturday, October 28, 2017

Less Anxiety for You

Rom 14:19  So then let us follow after things which make for peace, and things whereby we may edify one another.

Hello Dear Ones,

Less anxiety for you!  How does that sound? 

I have heard a lot about personal anxiety lately and how it can accumulate.  The Bible has the answer to decreasing anxiety and increasing peace, and that is what I am posting about today. It is a subject that is better taught audibly, as in writing, my thoughts race a lot faster than my hands can type.

Home should not be a place of conflict and criticism.  When this occurs, it can result in family members having a consistent level of tension in their minds and bodies all day and night.

Children should feel at home in their own homes, and so should the parents, but when one person, (even a parent) disturbs a peaceful scene by bringing up a problem that is not urgent, or does not edify and build others up, they can create unnecessary conflict. 

People at home enjoy small moments of joy, and sometimes there are one or two family members that are jealous and try to disturb the peace that others are having.

We have all probably experienced this at home, and wish that we could just be allowed to relax, be creative and happy minding our own business. Someone, a parent or sibling, sees the cozy family scene where no one is fussing, no one is upset, no one is causing trouble, and decides to break it all up. He creates a scene, starts turmoil. 

His or her goal is to mobilize everyone from their quiet places and get them all concerned about something in another room, or something that was said earlier in the day.  This is not always a problem started by immature children, but can be instigated by adults too.

In part, it comes from a belief that there is no progress in life unless someone is complaining about something.  Some people cannot stand peacefulness. And while we parents have God given authority, we should never use it with a heavy hand just because we can. We have to behave in a way that is right, not on a way to get our rights. The two will bring completely different results.

Learn: Just because you have a right to do something, does not mean it is the wise thing to do at the time.  Think of the future results of a moments rash behaviour. Think of having to live with the consequences and memories of mistakes you cannot undo years later. This seems like a sentence out on the air but you will see how it connects with the rest of the lesson as you read it.

Teach: Substitute the disturbing, accusing talk, for complimentary remarks.  

Practice: Replace an anxious thought or a resentful feeling with thoughts of creating something or something constructive.

Another reason may be a type of pay-back for a misery experienced. A man may have been unfairly corrected or criticized at his workplace, and does not dare create a problem over it, but, seething in resentment, he arrives home determined to give his wife and children the same mean treatment he got at work.

I am sure many of us have seen the resentful parent or child who just cannot be happy at home and resents the happiness of the others at home. 

In our home, the advice was, to do what you could to enjoy one another and to build one another up. You could not wake up and criticize or blame someone. It just wasn't a wise way to begin a new day.

Speaking of blame, that is a problem we are seeing so much.  Westerners used to be problem solvers who learned to fix things. Now, many families waste time blaming and nothing is ever changed. Every day, for example, a father may come home and find fault, and blame. Mother's do this too.  Blame doesn't make any progress.  This is the problem with many countries where things don't work. The traffic lights are never fixed, the electricity and water is often off, phones don't work, bridges are broken down, roads are crumbling.  They try to find someone to blame, instead of finding how to improve things.

Often when there is trouble in churches it is because one or two people start criticising and blaming and complaining instead of building one another up.

Fathers and mothers sometimes are more concerned with their own rights and authority than with perpetuating love and kindness.  They should use their authority to show love and kindness, which is good leadership indeed.

Wise parents and children will learn to eliminate the habit of hasty, sharp replies.  I have often wondered what the purpose of a hasty, rude reply is, and one thing it indicates is dismissal. It is a way of shutting down a subject that may have been quite benign, but the person is just impatient and rude enough to make a cutting remark.

Today I would like to ask Fathers especially to practice love and tolerance and kindness at home. Be tolerant of children and their sorrows and and be kind to children who need something. To come home from work and run everyone down, or look upon the wife and children with resentment and suspicion, is not very grown up. 

 Try to outgrow this attitude and you will surely grow in manliness. If you are obsessed with your own authority, you will find your family more willing followers if they know you are kind and will not constantly try to trap them in verbal arguments they can't win, or try to make the family unhappy. Strive for strength  under control rather than lashing out or curt replies.  One thing some of the older women and I discuss, is how a disgruntled parent will sometimes berate everyone, making them all cry, and then sing and whistle and be happy himself.  

There are also those in the family who think everyone should have an excited personality. He thinks  people are dull and unproductive if they live a quiet thoughtful life and have a deep inner faith. He wants to stir them up and get someone crying or upset.

Our rules were: if people at home are being quiet and not bothering you, leave them alone. If you are going to criticise, concentrate on correcting your own faults, and find a way to build up the other person, as the Bible says.

This is one of the things many families have contended with. We tried to have a peaceful family, but now and then an outsider would be jealous and try to disturb us.  I told you in a previous post about dinner guests who created an uproar.   I don't think meal time is a good place to criticise and upset everyone. It spoils the appetite or creates eating disorders by association. There is much harm from criticism in the home.  Gentle guidance is the way God teaches us in his word, and we can't improve on that by inventing wacky ways of conducting family life.

I posted this saying here because it is never good to tell your family they are no good, that they are a bunch of liars or that no one likes them. Always edify, build up.   You might want to do a study on how to build up others or how to be gentle and moderate. Make sure the family knows it is special and created by God and that they are loved.

I have gathered some verses about peace and find there is a lot more depth in this subject than I previously thought.  

Just look for the word "peace" in these verses and notice the results of following things that make peace.

Gal 5:22  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
Gal 5:23  meekness, self-control; against such there is no law.

In the following verses I notice the command to rejoice.  Often the home wrecker  who disturbs  peace in the home is  not rejoicing in the Lord. That could be a missing ingredient. The peace disturber is also not forbearing or understanding of the needs of those around him. This could also apply to a rude neighbor or a pushy friend. They need to be busy improving their own personalities.

Php 4:4  Rejoice in the Lord always: again I will say, Rejoice.
Php 4:5  Let your forbearance be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.

Php 4:6  In nothing be anxious; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
Php 4:7  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.

Php 4:8  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

I like this last verse, which is the one we rarely see: it says of you do all the above, the God of peace shall be with you.

Php 4:9  The things which ye both learned and received and heard and saw in me, these things do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

The critic, the blamers, the peace disturbers of homes, do not have enough to do. They need to be busy and prodictive, not fault finding , sharp tongued.  Gentle forebearance is taught.  

Remember, parents, your attitudes will not go unnoticed. Your children may use them back on you one day, to your great sorrow. Home  memories stick in their minds forever. They don't remember what it was you were so cranky about, as much as they remember your scowl, your harshness or rudeness. 

Remember you are raising future generations with the one generation you are in. They will go on to behave the same way.  Daily renew your mind with these verses.  Add some things to your faith that build one another up.

It truly helps to remember that, to the true believer, Christs blood is perpetual. It's benefits flow continually and can be tapped into through prayer, repentance and forgiving others. Emulate Christs sacrifice by being perpetually understanding, kind and loving, forgiving, overlooking personal resentments and irritations.

Find things that are peaceful and edifying.

Rom 14:19  So then let us follow after things which make for peace, and things whereby we may edify one another.


Mrs.O said...

Very good advice!

Melissa M. said...

Lady Lydia, thank you for this comprehensive teaching! I am sure it took a great deal of time to put this together. I have taken your teaching to heart and will look for ways to make my home more peaceful, as much as I can.

Adelaide said...

Thank you so much. This is a wonderful lesson of all that is true and good, how to tell when one gets off track, and how to bring it right through our Lord. What a blessing!

Lydia said...

Tell the critic to keep his mind on Christ and get his focus off others unless he is building others up.

Heavenly Home said...

Oh Lydia, this is such a good post, and something that has been on my mind a lot lately. I will have to come back and read it again, as there is so much wisdom here.

Unknown said...

i never tire from reading your uplifting, so helpful, so full of wisdom and love. wish i could meet you one day...i feel as though we are friends. love and God bless.

Lydia said...

As much as I like things here to be sunny and bright, I am thinking of exploring this subject more. Something has been missed by this generation, because our great grandparents had a way of controlling here controllers and the skills of laying down the law, putting your foot down and casting out the scoffer are not being used today.nthe home is held hostage by these types and it should not be so. The bible is full of examples of these types (Nabal, the surly husband, for example) and the unruly grown ups throughout its pages. We are intimidated by them all and need to learn how to prevent them from destroying home life. I do hope to write or video about it. My husband says he will discuss it on video sometime. If I can catch him and make him sit down. He got stung by a wasp on the hand and the poison is spreading up his arm. He has been treated by a good physician, but he is busy on the tractor mowing the grass and the church yard, just in case it spreads up to his heart and his brain. His Doctor and naturepath say it is not serious but it motivated him to get active so I don't know if we will get a video out of him. But he does know a lot about the passive aggressive,nthe narcissist, the people who cause trouble in homes, churches, garden clubs, work places, chamber of commerce, etc. they have always existed but we skipped a generation when it comes to dealing with them. They were not always allowed to control the atmosphere.mthey usually went to Washington DC and they are still doing that. 😉

Willow said...

Lady Lydia, thank you so much for this post. I look forward to any more teachings you give on this subject, as I have fallen victim to these types of people (passive aggressive, narcissistic, trouble makers) at the place where I used to keep my horse. Sadly, I no longer have my beautiful mare, but these people made my life an absolute misery, to the point where I became depressed and withdrawn. I used to be a confident person, able to deal with this type of thing, but they took all my confidence away, so that now I pretty much keep myself to myself and do not seek out company.
As always, a pleasure to read your thoughts and see your lovely photographs.