Where She Found Her Prince -- A True Story

Hello Dear Ones,

Today a memory took up the (limited) space in my head while I was doing the yard work and other types of chores, and I thought I had better write it down and share it before it escapes altogether!

I chose the above painting (right click for the details) from Allposters.com because it looks so much like the location of this event: Cowrie Point, Tasmania, which I have written of previously on this blog.  We settled there in 1967 and moved elsewhere around 1970, but it was the most glorious experience living in a holiday "shack" with easy walking access to the beach every day!

In winter it was very bleak, and no neighbors, but in summer all the owners came and occupied their little beach houses whenever they could get away from their work in town.  I always looked forward to this because I met so many interesting people.

One such was a young married woman who was sitting in the sand looking out at the summer sparkles on the waves.  She looked over at me, also settled into the sand but reading a book and said she had not seen me there in previous years. I told her who I was and she said her family was from Smithton and that she had come here many summers as a girl and enjoyed the carefree summer days on the shore.

It would have been better if I, as a 16 year old, had kept a diary and written names and dates, but at that age, I thought a lot of things quite trivial--can you believe? After writing some of these memories I realize how unique they were, especially today.

When this lady, whom I will call Elise, looked over to see the title of the book I held in my lap as I sat near her in the sand, she was eager to tell me HER story!

"I see you are reading about a prince," she said, with laughter deep in her voice, "Well, I married one!  I spent 3 years travelling all over Europe looking for him, and then I found him at the beach right here in Cowrie Point.  

"I noticed the title of your book. That was the sort of title that got me intrigued about trying to find a Prince to marry."

I asked whether she would have settled for a common man, a duke, or maybe anyone who was at least a gentleman. 

"Yes, to all those, but here is what happened," she began. "I could not find a prince in Europe even though I stayed three years.  It was not a pleasant time for me, as I was unable to find the prince, so after all that time I came home.

 When I returned home and spent another summer at my parents holiday home here at Cowrie Point, I met him!  He was a home town boy whose family owned the holiday house right next to ours over on the north side of this beach. He had written to me several times while I was away, and kept in touch with me, and even teased me sometimes about finding a prince. When he learned I was coming home he wrote in his last letter, "Coming home to find your prince?"  I thought he was being awfully smug about my empty-handed adventure, and refused to call him when I got back.

I had no idea he liked me, but he came to the door of our holiday house with flowers. My mother knew it was him (I think they arranged it between the two of them) and asked me to get the door. There he with the happiest smile, and he handed the flowers to my mother so I was a little embarrassed  about having reached out my hand to take the bouquet!

(above: painting by Alexander Averin - Learn more of this wonderful artist and see his paintings for sale on the link!)  I chose this painting to illustrate what it was like that day on the beach, as far as I can remember.  It looks like Cowrie Point looked at the time, around 1968.

Oh how I wish I had captured those moments in writing and photographs but at the time didn't think much of it. It was not eventful nor dramatic, and you know how teenagers are (I was one)--its like their brains are asleep, not alert to the drama of daily life!  There she was gazing out to the ocean talking to me about meeting her prince, while I was looking at a book about a Prince (probably by Barbara Cartland).

Elise continued her story. She began to be cool to her neighbor and thought he was awfully bold to give her mother the bouquet, and wondered what he was all about.  He asked her for an walk on the beach, for old time sake; something they had done in the past years during summers.  As she got to know him again she appreciated how thoughtful he was about her welfare, bringing her a cover when the wind turned cold, offering her food and refreshment, or a ride in his car to town when he needed to do something there. "He persuaded me to come along for the company" she said.

She said he was so persistant in his interest, that she finally took him seriously. "Look," he said, why go off to Europe or somewhere else to find your prince, when I am right here."  

"Did you not think that was awfully arrogant?"  I really wanted to know.

"I knew him well enough that I took it as a laugh" she said, but eventually I learned he had been here at Cowrie Point in the summer hoping I would NOT find a prince and come back."

As she filled in details of how they came to be married, I saw him coming toward her with lunch. "I sent him to get some things," she said. "Who but a real Prince would have walked to the little country store down the road and brought back lunch?"

"Were you disappointed at all, in not coming home with a prince?" I asked her, truly curious.

"I traveled far from home and was gone too long. And no, I met no prince there. Yes, I felt disappointed. But I am happy. And my husband IS a Prince."

This was the first time I had ever heard a commoner called a prince, and I listened to Elise tell how an ordinary person is actually royalty, depending on their character. It took me decades to understand that, and finally when it sunk in, I began to recall this event, and now I write it to you.

painting by Michael Peter Ancher

I picked this painting because after  her husband came down to the beach and they had eaten lunch,  she picked up her blanket and books and went walking with him. (They had no dog.)

Elise eventually told me about her mother's letters while she was away. "He misses you" she told her, referring to the Prince at home. "I thought it was boring," she said, but now we are married a few years I do not feel bored at all."

A True Story

(Photos from Oriana website)

This is a true story about our trip to Australia on the ocean liner, Oriana in December, 1967.

There were 9 of us in our family, and my youngest brother was only 5 years old when we began our journey.

Several other American families went on this cruise, intending to settle in various places in Australia, along with our family who first went to Smithton, Tasmania. On the Oriana, children under a certain age ate in the childrens dining room apart from the older ones.

That was over 45 years ago, and just a few years ago my very grown up brother met a woman in his Australian home town, who had never been married.  When their friendship bloomed into romance, my brother took her to meet our parents.  While visiting, she found out they came on the Oriana. She, too, had travelled with her family from the U.S. on the Oriana.  She had saved the menus and other souvenirs, which were exactly like the ones my mother had saved from the trip.

By comparing memories, this lady found out that she ate in the same childrens dining room as my brother, on the Oriana in 1967.

They were married a few years ago,  and I call it a match made on board. They were both in their late 40's when they met.

I have heard other stories of couples whose paths crossed over the years, finally meeting and marrying. 

More pictures of the Oriana:

Afternoon Tea every day:

A Long Trip

 

Columbia River Gorge: needs a tea room with the view.

I have spent the first weekend in July driving over 450 miles for a family reunion, transporting young family members from place to place. I must have driven along the Columbia River Gorge and Cascade Locks four times or more. Stan drove the distance ahead of me in another car.

Road travel:  a long time ago the roads were "not as good" but the trips were better. Little winding ascents up and around hills, accented by plains and meadows with few curves made travel interesting. There were places to stop by the side of the road for artists and picnickers. How long has it been (if ever it ocurred in your lifetime) since you have see people stopped by a pleasant little situation on a road, having tea or taking pictures of each other with a mountain or lake or a cute house in the background?

(painting: Stephen Darbishire, available to purchase online) This scene looks like some lakes I've driven by. Buy this at Allposters and online stores.)

The driving is smooth and you never see a car broken down. That is the good part, but the bad part is the SLEAZY DIVES  you have to stop at for rest or essential purposes, that aren't very clean and have three times the price in an ordinary store at home.

(Painting: Stephen Darbishire, available to  online at Allposters and other online shops)

Because I was driving for very long stretches between stopping areas, I wanted to be able to look forward to a NICE, travel friendly, clean, cheerful and interesting stop, similar to Little America. That place was truly an oasis for the traveler. The gift shops carried items related to the location and to the weary driver the restaurant was a luxury.

This scene is like the lavender farm with hills in the background, which I have seen on a car trip.

(Painting: Stephen Darbishire, from Allposters and other stores online) I drove past scenery similar to this, thinking how appealing a nice rest stop, complete with luxurious amenities. So many people have recreational vehicles and trailers these days, so they may not feel the need for travel luxury, but the car traveler needs nice stops.

I always heard that you could succeed in life by "finding a need and filling it."  Travel comfort would be a great business to create in places where there is nothing to stop for.  Sometimes I would have to drive more than 50 miles before a stopping area. I was thinking how beautiful rest stops similar to Little America would make car travel more comforting, and especially reassuring for car of the car, fuel, bathrooms or just resting an overheated car.

(Painting by Stephen Darbishire, available at Allposters and other online shops) Familiar scene from highways around here.

The stopping areas should be refined and luxurious, but not overpriced. These places should all have a beautiful appearance, complimentary  surroundings.

Stephen Darbishire painted the perfect picture of what could have been a scene from a car. This looks like some parts of Mt. Hood.

It has always been the Wild West out here so I don't expect much change but it would be a dream come true for some enterprising people. And if you could possibly, along with gas, food, a lookout point and clean restrooms, include  a tea room on the way around the mountain, the road along the coast line, in the forest, high desert, wheat fields lakes, rivers and prairie, I would appreciate it. Could you please include the option of a take-away tea for those who want to turn off on a little scenic area?

Above: familiar scenery in this Stephen Darbishire painting (available at Allposters and other online shops.) looks like something I have seen while driving.

The car traveler needs to look forward to the next nice place not so many miles ahead where they can stop and take on the scenes they are driving past, unable to photograph or record while driving. Having nice places to get out of  the car often to stretch, remove a coat, wash our hands and in general refresh ourselves really helps if we are driving a long distance.  

Stephen Darbishire painting, above looks like scenes we pass while traveling by car.  It would be such a refreshment to be able to stop in a setting like this and get some relief from the traffic noise.  This scene looks like places around here alongside the roads.

Stopping by the side of the road should be an experience to inspire artists, poets and composers.

Wooded scene depicted by Darbishire resembles roadside scenes here.

In Australia, the picnic business is a very big deal. You can buy a any meal of your choice  in a box that looks like a basket, some of them created to be reminiscent of bygone picnics and leisurely car travel.  That enterprise has not really gained much interest here but it would certainly be another opportunity for anyone keen on pursuing it.  

It would have been a welcome rest to have a place like this to stop and view the beautiful view. Instead of whizzing past, it would be a welcome stop for a weary driver. Stephen Darbishire painted scenes that look a lot like places a car traveler would drive past.  It is a loss to the senses and the mind that there is no place to stop by the side of the road and enjoy views like this.  We have the scenery. There needs to be more places to stop and rest the mind from driving.

(Find Stephen Darbyshire paintings at Allposters and other online stores)

Those who have recreational vehicles and trailers with their own comforts might not demand better stopping areas, but there are still more car travelers who need something more. We get aches and pains driving long distances and need some great rest areas that take advantage of the surrounding beauty and provide some luxury to look forward to: good water, clean facilities, comfortable and pretty places to stop and spread your own picnics to break up long distance driving time, especially to give us refreshment to be more alert on the road.

Added 7/06/17:  It appears from comments other people have the same complaints.  If only the rest areas complimented the scenery (like Darbishire paintings). We have everything in Canada and the US, from farmland to rivers and prairee, and there are areas that look like some other country in the world.  It's a cryin' shame, (yes, I said CRYIN', because it is a tragedy) the car travelled is reduced to stops even an animal would sniff and walk away from.  Like one commenter said, at least in the days back yonder you could pull off to a scenic area and lay out your own tea party or picnic, walk around and breathe in the wonderful air around a spectacular view, and get back in the car feeling revived.  

What I am saying here in this post is that while I am thinking it is 50 miles to the next halfway adequate rest stop, I am thinking how disappointing it will be, instead of something to truly look forward to. Some of you might have been to Little America when it was an oasis in the desert, a relief after many miles on the road. What a delight it was. Maybe you know the story behind it.

If I owned the series or franchise I would call it A Pretty Good Rest Stop. It would major in view, cleanliness, comfort, hot and cold drinking water, shopping, refreshment areas where a girl could comb her hair and refresh herself.  For those of us who don't have campers and motor homes, how about a place for a reclining lawn chair to stretch the legs. When I get out of a car, especially as a driver, I feel I am molded into one pose, so it would be great to have somewhere to recline for a few minutes. 

If such an enterprise where ever realized, think of the employment for young people in such a setting.  

We have great roads. We have good cars. We need better rest stops.  A woman who spoke to our tri-county chamber of commerce made a speech about how the east and west Highway 99 across the country was dotted with beautiful stops with shops. The coastal road had old coach houses tha sed to be overnight stops for coaches and horses, converted to inns.

Here are more photos taken from the car by a passenger:

Troublesome Guests

Dear Lydia,

I have been reading this post (from May  2017 about the conduct of outsiders in our homes) and rereading it since you posted it. It has taken me a month to finally be able to leave this comment.

This post was such a comfort to me (and continues to be), as we had a Very Unpleasant Incident take place in our home on Easter. I grew up in a home with a screaming mother and unending sarcasm from both parents, and so I have deliberately cultivated a home of peace, rest, and comfort. We have actually had to severely limit our little family's exposure to my parents and brother, as they refuse to acknowledge that their 'normal' isn't welcome the world over. I give this background to emphasize how important it is to me who enters my home. I guard our sanctuary diligently, and have made our little home into the type of place that weary, world-sick friends drop in on, sometimes unexpectedly, to escape their troubles and have a restful cup of tea. Sometimes we chat, sometimes they simply want to sit and, I think, feel protected. 

On Easter, we have a habit of inviting those without family to join our family for dinner. This year, we invited an engaged couple we knew and an older woman completely alone in this world (in her mid-60's). All of these people were from our church. The older woman can be a challenge at times, but I held my breath and depended on Good Manners to see us through the day. Imagine the trauma - yes, trauma - that was inflicted on my safe, restful little home when she unleashed her vitriol in an opinion that was directly contrary to the other female guest in our home. The table cleared quickly, with people getting up and walking away before dinner was done. I was shaking. I spoke with the younger woman, and she was angry with me for inviting the older woman and not telling her, as she always suspected the older woman had problems (but had never taken the time to speak with her). The older woman refused to leave right away, and the light-hearted, joyful feel to the day was gone. 

Throughout the next week, our little family struggled to get through the trauma of that day. It sounds absolutely ridiculous to state it in such a dramatic way, but there is no other way to put it. We all felt that our home had been violated. The day after Easter, I got an email from the older woman criticising our parenting and stating that we need to expose the whole ugly world to our sons and ourselves instead of shielding us all from it. I prayed, and then wrote her an email that I would no longer be tolerant of her criticisms of us as parents (it wasn't the first time), and that she was very poorly behaved in treating another guest so badly in someone else's home. She didn't appreciate my words of chastisement, and hasn't spoken to me since. I only laid out her actions against us and left it open for an apology and forgiveness, but she chose the other path. I have wondered if I should be more 'tolerant,' but figured if I can hold my own parents to a certain standard I should be able to hold others to the same without regret. 

So, Lady Lydia, thank you so very much for these comforting words. And I have an etiquette question for you that has niggled in the back of my mind: Am I wrong to not have told each guest who else was invited? I didn't realize people expected that. I've certainly never been given that information when invited to others' homes. One is expected to behave oneself no matter who the other guests are, and if one doesn't like the other guests, then one leaves as soon as is polite. Is that not correct? 

Thank you for your time, and I'm sorry I wrote an entire blog post as a comment. This has been weighing on my mind for a long time.

Shani

Dear Shani,

I like the rating you put on the visit: Very Unpleasant, and shall use VU along with VB (very bad) in my collection of abbreviations.

I agree with you about the trauma it causes.  I have walked around in circles unable to focus on normal life after one of those awful guest situations. That's what Is known as  "leaving  a bad taste in the mouth" -- a dinner turned sour!  It almost felt as if the Holy Spirit, who will not dwell long in an unholy place, got up and left the house. It takes days to restore the love of the home after a person of sour disposition, or an arrogant ego centered domineering person has had their way.

As far as I know, it was not a policy in the past to let guests know the guest list but there needs to be a new policy!  Most of the time we find out by word of mouth. The older folks of the previous era avoided a lot of social situations where they knew they would be treated badly, or where people they just didn't want to be around, were invited. There usually were ways of finding out who would be there.

 If they can scout out the guest list somehow, those who want to avoid a troublesome person can then opt out of the social gathering.  I am all for that. We should not be caught in something we didn't know about. Over the years I figured out several things and try to use each mistake as another lesson.

Here are some other social situations to be wary of:

Elderly  women who have been rude and bossy are NOT going to get better by your compassionate inclusion of them in your social events. They may suppose they have special privilege because of their advanced years, but I am in advanced years myself and never suppose I am allowed to be rude.

  My experience is these women always get worse.  If they are lonely and need companionship, they are so aggressive they can easily create their own social life. They don't "need" us.  To this day I avoid them because it is not my mission or my ministry or my role to make life better for them.  Such mean women who attack people can  wreak havoc at church and in the home. Proverbs warns against taking a dog by the ears. That means leave them alone lest they make more trouble.

I never get in the car with anyone who has previously used a ride as an opportunity to berate me or others while driving. There is an old saying that tea loosens the tongue but I have noticed that driving loosens the tongue for some drivers who get someone captive in a car trip or ride , using it as an opportunity to criticize. For some reason, some drivers get mouthy and preachy and dictatorial.  

Another thing wise to decline is "the meeting".  These meetings are deceptive because when you get there, someone has it stacked against one person, with a file folder containing a whole arsenal of lists of offenses and accusations.  The person invited to the meeting is never prepared, but the inviter knows what he or she is going to say and sometimes has stacked the meeting with friends against you.

If someone wants to tell you something they can just call and tell you.  A meeting is not necessary if they are normal people able to talk and communicate as friends or family.  In the home we never needed a meeting because we were open with each other and talked freely as good friends.  We did not save up evidence and then call a meeting.  It's not scriptural anyway.  You are suppose to talk individually to someone first.  I think the meeting thing might come from the corporate world where they humiliate employees by dismissing them in front of other people.

For events you wish to attend where you know someone will be there who targets you for their "fix" or "supply" of trouble, you need to go at a later time or sit in the back where you can see them but they can't see you, that is, if it's something you HAVE to attend.  However If you are tough and able to keep from being intimidated, by all means, go.

Be careful not to put yourself at a social disadvantage where you know you will be hurt. That means avoid social situations that will deplete you of your sense of well being. That may mean scouting a bit to detect all possible ways the social situation could harm you and your reputation. 

A lot of times men do not notice these things because they are not being attacked. They may think their wives are at fault in some way and deserved the berating of the perpetrator. The women are most often attacked because they seem so more accommodating, especially if they are willing extenders of help and hospitality.

You might want to study how narcissists operate, which is something that the corporate began to suffer from, and has filtered into the church and home.  They are people who can only feel good when they are making someone else feel bad. They target nice people who are hospitable and giving and accommodating because they can get a lot of supply out of them.  To test whether someone is narcissistic, smile a lot and see if they frown.  Frown and see if they smile. Their goal is to make you frown. They will frown til they make you unhappy and after they have dealt you with a devastating comment they will smile and appear more at ease.  They will even sing or whistle a tune if they have made someone else unhappy by a rude remark.

We have a displaced sense of charity because we think we can be nice to people that have lost favor with other people. We see them as victims of unfairness and we think we can do the job when no one else can. I think that is called the Messiah complex, which is the belief we can save people that no one else can. Whether it be saving them from being alone or from suffering, we step in and invite them over. Someone told me he knew a person had some bad qualities that were very detrimental in social situations but he "didn't want to admit it" because the man was in the church.  Later this man humiliated him in front of others. We are not obligated to fellowship mean people.

Narcs go around testing the people they are with to see if they are vulnerable enough to be attacked. One sign of vulnerability is if you are sympathetic and empathetic, if you are pleasant and friendly. You look like an easy mark for someone to boss you or criticize.The solution is not to turn hard and mean yourself but to take note of such people and avoid them.

This has been going on since the beginning of time. Even a casual study of the book of Proverbs, and some of the epistles, will reveal who you should avoid. It says to "mark"  those who cause division and avoid them. To mark someone is to take note of it and flee from it.  Take note what your friendship with them produces ...does it make the rest of the family on edge?

The writings preserved from Victorian ettiquette practices indicated that with more social situations coming to fore in the lives of ordinary people, there needed to be some rules of conduct. They established these by observation of the problems that ocurred. You as the woman of the house have a legitimate reason for refusing the company of some people in favor of others and your observations are what you will be developing your guests list from.

Yes we all want to include  people  who are alone and left out, but we have to ask why they are not with their families or included in hospitality, before we decide we are going to be the big hero and invite them.  The formative years of your family are more important than the freedom and  pleasure of your guests. (Many of us wish we had known that.)

I am afraid Christian women want to fix these flawed people but the Bible indicates Gods way is to avoid them.  Over the years I was told that to avoid someone was not Christian but I observed that you only get in more trouble if you try to include these people. We can't improve what the Bible says about this. These rude people need to feel they are on the outside until they are well developed enough socially to earn their place on the inside of the precious social group of your family.  Their socialization is very corrupt and you should be very afraid of the effect it will have on your home.

Yes, it is correct to politely excuse yourself and leave, if you know another guest is going to trouble you.  Also, if you know one guest can be irksome, the others should know she or he will be there.

Lydia

Tiny Tea for Two

A tea for two at my house today. 

Hello ladies. Here is the site to keep up with Susan Kissinger's health, for those of you who have an 

interest.

https://www.caringbridge.org/public/susankissinger2 

We got old enough and numerous enough to organize a family reunion, however, the current "old folks" are still not as interesting as the previous generation born in the early 1900's. They made life so much more interesting!  We still miss all the grandparents, aunts and uncles. It's strange to be old enough not to have any aunts or uncles or grandparents. Now we are it, but we just never had the wit of those people.

However, Stan now has enough stories and jokes to last approximately an hour, in case of awkward silence amongst the younger set. 

While some of the children played Irish fiddle music, the adults put money in a hat. The little ones with no money threw in some corn chips, which was really a bigger sacrifice, since the snack bags are so tiny. Out here in the sticks the band can't do much with money when they get hungry, so we decided corn chips was a better idea.

One of the old folks told us the difference between a violin and a fiddle:

The violin has strings.

The fiddle has strangs.

You probably won't get that unless you have been around fiddle people.

After viewing our book collection, tea cups, fabric and old things, our cousin concluded with this advice:

"Don't get a tiny home."

"

Good Day

I do not have anything very wise to say today, as I am busy with yard work.

I have plans for this area, which I hope to show here soon.

We have been on a trip to California, which isn't saying much since it is only four hours away, but it was, shall we say, refreshing. As they said in some parts of New Zealand, back in The 1960's when I was there, "it was a bit blowy," but away from the beach the weather was tropical!

We came back up the coast of Oregon:

I love old towns and was always asking the driver to stop whenever we saw one. He stopped in only the Grants Pass old town where we were allowed to walk around, but I wanted to stop in Coos Bay old town and some of the others.

How progressive that there are now used Lego stores.

There was an antique car rally and I managed to get some pictures. I was looking for the ones with the picnic baskets on the back.

Back home again.

Stopping for a gas fill up in Grants Pass was quite an experience.  Stan asked the attendant, a huge fellow at least 7 feet tall and not at all skinny, if there were any Sasquatch sightings in the area. The man replied, "They are in migration right now so you won't see any." I asked him if he really thought Sasquatch existed and he said, "I know they exist. I used to raise them."

Honestly. Some people! Has the whole region gone mad?  After that, we noticed more large men like him walking on the streets of Olde Towne. There must have been a village of them

My husband and his cousin, who was with us, both have wry, dry humor.  When he told his cousin he was born in Grants Pass but never got attached to the place because his parents moved away when he was still a baby, his cousin replied, "You got out while you still could."  Those two kept me laughing and scurrying to write down everything they said on the trip.

Include Some of These Things in Your Days

Pictures today are from Pinterest.

We all know what it is like when home life becomes mostly work!

Being keepers at home is not supposed to be continual labor, but a variety of things where work and leisure are combined.

There will always be meals to make, laundry, rooms to clean up, and things to take care of each day.  We know that, and think about it all the time, but it is good to include other things in your day at home,

...such as setting a fine table, at least once a week. It is good to keep the table setting habit in practice, and not let the table cloths and special dishes go unused. 

Treat yourself to a tea time with your favorite snacks and hot tea, and serve it in a real porcelain tea cup.

Sit on the swing. We can spend so much time cleaning up the porch we forget to enjoy it.

Other things to include in your week, besides work:

-phone a friend.

-a care package for someone by shopping your house for things you no longer need.

-creativeness in sewing, cooking, or some other interest.

-time outside.

-rearrange something, add flowers, scent, music.

-read something.

-Plan something 

Everyone has to sweep, clean the kitchen, clean the bathroom, and do the general housekeeping, but it doesn't have to be grueling if you have some leisure things planned.

If you find yourself getting snappy and tense and an unbearable attitude, stop for one of these leisurely things, even when surrounded urgency of a mess from unpacking or rearranging or just normal living.

When I get tense I stop for tea and use the most elegant cup I can find in my cabinet, and the best tea, and then I call a friend.

I posted this because I have let seasons pass by without doing the simple things traditionally done such as writing a letter, sewing a skirt, talking to someone or drawing a picture.