Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Pressing Forward

(image from

Hello Ladies,

I have a few plans for blog posts and wanted to tell you I have not forgotten.  I still think a blog has unique feature over and above social media.  Blogs are like classy magazines you want to use again. 

Today it is on my mind to talk about some things older women have been telling me about the roadblocks they encounter in showing a light to the younger women.

Titus 2 teaches the older women to help the younger women know about the home.  That is a daunting prospect, and as we grow older we feel intimidated by our own inadequacy and our blunders and embarrassing moments in our youth. But as I have been discussing with friends, it does not disqualify the Christian woman if she has overcome adversity, overcome sin, and overcome foolish decisions.
woman can rise above past blunders and build a good reputation.  I have talked to many older women who feel they have no spiritual or emotional help to give to anyone, because they were not successful in areas of their lives, but what is important is that we use God's word as the standard for our values today. What is important is how you are living right now, not what you did in the past.

While we all blush in shame and mentally beat ourselves over words that should never escaped our lips, unwise friendships, and serious sins, beyond sincere repentance, heartfelt sorrow, and conversion to Christ (which is a daily thing for the Christian woman) we can only forge ahead, looking for opportunities to do well. Perhaps it can be our own housekeeping or personally forgiving those who have offended us or caused us trouble.

This is what the apostle Paul said about the subject of forgetting the past:

"Not that I have already obtained, or am already made perfect: but I press on, if so be that I may lay hold on that for which also I was laid hold on by Christ Jesus.

"Brethren, I count not myself yet to have laid hold: but one thing I doforgetting the things which are behind, and stretching forward to the things which are before, 

" I press on toward the goal unto the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:12-14

When a runner enters a race, he may get a slow start or make some bad moves but he hasn't got time to kick himself for it. The race only lasts a short time and he has to concentrate on the finish line.  He does not look behind him.

The audience is also looking at the goal, but not at each other. They are intent on the progress the runners are making. They don't look around at each other but straight ahead.

We can't get distracted by our own sorrows or by failures of our dreams.  Sometimes homemakers feel stuck in place, unable to make progress. In that case, make dreams smaller and goals more achievable so you can see progress each day. In a previous post I wrote about the concept of making your hopes and achievements portable. 

A friend gave me this helpful hint. She said when she feels discouraged she takes one hand and moves one small thing,  and little by little she gets the energy and the motivation to do a lot  more. It helps to make tiny, achievable tasks so that you can progress an inch at a time. A room in shambles can be put aright a square foot at a time.  

While the title of this post is Pressing Forward, do not keep the future in mind so much that you cannot enjoy the little moments of the present.  It seems we homemakers are either looking at the past or the future. Let us create a few moments each day to think of the present and of our gratitude for being here right now.

I do hope to have another episode of Housewife Radio and some videos, perhaps with Mr. S., if I can get him to slow down. I do not know what it is with these older men. They just find more to do!

Field of Flowers by Daniel Ridgeway Knight (from Allposters)

* This blog is registered with Allposters as an affiliate.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Important to Relax

Today I am continuing be theme of making a house feel homey. All pictures on this post are my own and Pinterest-able.
The Lily, which I received many years ago on Mother's Day, has bloomed this year. We have discovered the solution to plants that won't bloom is to leave them in Mr.S.'s office where they are neglected!

Our gnarled old swing makes a pretty picture today... a prop for pink Columbine...

...and an unused gate painted light green looks good propped against a shed.

These colors, light blue and coral, are an an unusual combination but look good together drying on the line.

I recently bought a new towel and picked this one because of the colors. Interesting how towels are being manufactured these days with designs on them.  Before this, housewives were adding fabric borders and trims to towels.  

Here is my utility wagon. Various people have attempted to abandon this wagon and have it hauled away. Each time, Mr. S. Has repaired it back to working use. It has even painted at various times in other colors.
Though quite green out here, it is overcast.

Sewing news: I am interested in the patterns we used in the 1960's and 70's. Here is a picture of one I found on the web but it was sold. During the mini-skirt era there were patterns for longer dresses. I am trying to sew front buttons and zippers these days, and will try to post instructions on how to convert the pattern to button or zip in the front of the garment. I have read that you add inches to the front and eliminate the seam allowance in the back. It seems easier to use a pattern already made the way you want it.

My thoughts today on the home are concerning the pressure and tension that wells up in the homemaker sometimes within minutes after waking up. On reason for that is, her work is right there at home. Her work is all around her. The bed she sleeps in must be made, the sheets laundered. The place she sits to gather her thoughts and sip tea is a place of work. She can't ever really feel completely relaxed because there is always some work to do. The homemaker's husband generally goes somewhere else for his work and comes home to rest or at least to his own work and his own interests.

                 "A man's work is from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done."

I have several suggestions for how this can be alleviated.

First, for the ladies who are home alone, do not get into your work right away.  If you can, do your errands in town bright and early, and then enter your home with a renewed mind.

My mother was rather isolated in the homestead days but she went outside in the morning and walked around, sometimes taking her cup of coffee with her.  

When you sleep and wake in the workplace, you can lose your sense of balance. Going outside for a little while and then coming back home puts time lines in the day that distinguish work from leisure.

Some thoughtful men provide  their wives gazebos, parlours or rooms of their own where the women can withdraw from the sight of housekeeping for a little while each day.  19th century publications urged husbands to make sure their wives had time out away from home, and encouraged men to take them on regular outings.

We all wake up to work.

This can become discouraging but it can be alleviated by interspersing regular times of relaxation. 

While we love being home, we have to be careful not to allow the work to become all consuming. There are stages in life where things will be jumbled (moving, house repairs, illness, loss) and it will make you feel inadequate and stressed.   Homes are to be "kept" but they are places where real life is lived;  where we get out our supplies and pursue our interests. 

Discouragement can easily occur if you wake up thinking of all your work. 

Allow no one to intimidate or pressure you regarding your work. Homemaking has to come from the heart. It is a combination of inspiration, creativity and love. When someone pushes you, it robs you of personal desire and motivation. Remind others to give you the freedom to approach housekeeping the way that helps you the most. 

Call a friend and encourage each other to get ready for the day. ( A very patient and tolerating friend).

Plan rewards for yourself.

Put away money each day if you can.

Homemaking is self-employment and that requires totally different dynamics than the way the corporate workplace operates.  

What would motivate me?

I would like a newspaper with pleasant news, to have time to write a letter, to try a new recipe and a new sewing project, new dish towel and dish cloth ( hand made would be nice)  a daily reward of some kind (like a homemakers perk), a call from a friend, a visitor, someone to visit and drop off a basket of goodies, a kind word from someone, prayers. 

One friend told me she would like to get up in the morning and open the door to a surprise. No, not a car or anything like that, but a simple basket of plants or fruit, a container with something personal or some free groceries. 

Because this won't normally just happen, the housewife has to be self motivated and give herself her own rewards. Sometimes the reward is simply the satisfaction and pleasure of being in an orderly home.  

It is very good to be thoughtful of other homemakers, give them a call and some encouragement.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Making it Home

Pictures today are from Pinterest

This post is addresses a request by some readers regarding making a shabby house fresh and cozy.

The painting above, by Susan Rios, is her free printable Mother's Day card. She has many paintings of rooms you may like, pictures which make me remember of the way homes used to look without high-end interior design and commercial furniture.
It helps to think back to the  way our grandmothers and great grandmothers furnished their homes. 

In most homes there was a braided or rag rug, a rocking chair, a painting on the wall (usually scenery by a family member), embroidered or crocheted cloths to cover backs and arms of chairs, a table and chair set (colonial style was most prevalent),  curtains, a few lamps, a small book shelf, and a few other things. 

The floor, or scatter rugs were not sold in stores but created from old sheets torn into strips, or from fabric or old clothing.

Each rug was unique to that little house, and there was none like it anywhere else. A lot more could be found about these carpets by asking people who remember using them. More than a utility and beyond a decoration, they absorbed water dropped on the kitchen floor and bathrooms, covered cold, floors, and softened the sharp sounds of footsteps. 

 The threadbare textiles of the family were tightly woven or braided together for their most hardy use yet, before the final discard. That is the way I saw it. 

If you are a stitcher, you may have yards of fabric you need to put to use, which can be cut into long strips to crochet or braid into foot rugs, providing a colorful and homey look in a home. 

  It was not that long ago that rolls of fabric could be purchased and huge crochet hooks to make these rugs. These materials might still be available to crafters.

If you have a rocking chair, it works best in a corner, as the curved legs can be a problem with people tripping over them when walking behind the chair.

 Most homes had rocking chairs.  A rocking chair soothed people from getting too stressed, and when someone was irritable it was said they were "off their rocker." Maybe his mother didn't rock the child long enough, or perhaps an adult skipped his after dinner time in the rocking chair. It was thought that rocking may aid in digestion, as well. Many people believe a rocking chair is very important to relieve tension, balance the mind, and soothe the body. 

This recliner-rocker is the best, because the legs are covered, protecting people from tripping on them.

Most homes had a little wooden caddy beside the rocking chair where they kept books they were reading, or maybe their knitting. I personally didn't like them as magazine holders. In my observation they didn't really work that well. The magazines flopped over and didn't keep their shape. 

Paper flowers were the artificial flowers most used, and we learned to make them from tissue wrapping paper, stretchy crepe paper and construction paper.  They were eventually thrown out and new ones made. In summer, any free foliage from pussy willows to wild geraniums were put in the dining table in any vessel that could be found. 

As life changes from era to era, different needs arise in homes and other things are no longer of use. Today it is important to many of us not to have too much to look after in the house. If you find yourself always moving "things"  or always putting things away, you may want to streamline your household possessions to include only what you want to handle every day.

For those who are not concerned about "decor" here are a few things that help make an ordinary house look better:

-hide electric cords behind tables and shelves. Lamps look good when the cords are not showing.
-keep tables as bare and empty as possible so they can be used when needed.
-remove sticky notes from surfaces and gather papers into a container. 
-in general the arrangement of the house should be what you are happy and comfortable with.
-do not over-accessorize. These things become more to look after, and though they may look nice in a photograph, can be come tiresome to live with. 

When you are just beginning to establish a home, by all means furnish it with the newest and best you can possibly afford. New things are very uplifting and I am not suggesting you "put up with" broken down things in your home. If you need a new couch or table and chair set, by all means, spoil yourself and get it. The purpose of these last few posts was to offer ideas for ladies who needed ideas on how to get through the rough phase before being able to re-furnish their houses.

Friday, May 12, 2017

From Shabby to Chic - Making it Homey

Above: a florist bouquet from Pinterest. I always go first to the floral department when visiting the grocery store, because the colors and nature gives me such a good feeling.  However my little granddaughter brought me a bouquet from the lawn just before Papa cut the grass. She also brought flowering plants considered weeds, and I must tell you how nice they looked in her little clenched fingers. Vases do not do such offerings justice!
 I have a fond recollection of my own little boy with a bunch of wildflowers from a Texas field, and thought how pretty they looked in his hand as he walked toward me, swinging the trailing stems and roots of Texas Evening Primrose:

These little picks are one of the things that make the house homey. Besides that, they look nice in a tin or jar or small container of any kind. You don't need fillers or a special way of arranging them because they are just fine looking wild and askew without proper balance and color combos.

This week the white lilac bloomed and I was looking for fabric with a white lilac print. This one is from Liberty of London, but we don't have those fabrics here, and I won't be ordering it on the web. It would be nice if the background were blue or green, as that seems more in keeping with its natural setting.

Sometimes I wash a blanket that looks pretty outside on the line and let it stay there when I am expecting visitors. It is a nice thing to see from the dining window. My truck is still there and this year I am putting a homemade canopy on the back to create an interesting picnic spot. The view from the truck bed is very nice too, should anyone with an artist palette wish to record it whilst sitting under the canopy

The shabby furnishings do not matter as much as the acceptance the family members feel in the home. I have seen many shabby homes where the parents seem under less stress and are kinder to their children and to each other.  In one house the quilts on the beds were so worn, the cotton batting was showing, but the blanket was clean and smelling of fresh air and sun from being dried on the line. Made by a loved one, there is no way anyone would discard it. It was spread without wrinkles, proudly displayed with favorite cushions and dolls.

Those of you who have been here know my home is quite shabby but I have overcome some of it with paint and various embellishments to cover flaws. However, even without that, the way something is displayed or arranged can take the attention off the imperfect walls, windows and floors.

Below, you see removable wall stickers used to cover the area around the kitchen door handles. This area gets soiled the most, and the stickers can be removed.

After covering Grandmother's chair with a quilted blanket, I did not  want to remove it for a "shabby" before picture so you will have to believe the chair upholstery is worn, and it has to have an extra cushion on the seat.  

I found that a heavy cotton quilt with a little stiffness in it is a lot easier to keep its shape on a chair without having to straighten it out every time you get up or sit down. A commercial quilt stays tucked in better. I got this at Walmart years ago when it still had the lay-away program.

You remember when Mary Crowley, the sister of Mary Kay, created the Home Interiors and gift party selling company. The products were quite expensive back then, but recently are surfacing in the thrift stores and Goodwill stores. While these wrought iron candelabras used to be over $20.00 in the Home Interiors catalog,  they are now sometimes about $2.00. I have painted this one with a spray paint that is combined with a primer, and collected the stemmed glass votive holders from various yard sales or thrift stores.

Painting old baskets give them a fresh new look,  and if they have memories connected to activites you have had with your loved ones, it is just fine to keep them the way they are.

A lady I know showed me how she has a tea time travel kit she keeps in her car. She uses fabric and bubble wrap under it to cushion her tea cups, allowing the cushy materials to fold around the cups and make indentations to protect them.  She adds a layer of bubble wrap on top of the dishes and then pulls some of the fabric over the top.
That's a little tea bag holder, called a tea wallet, someone made for me.
While the picnic basket above looks charming, you can't carry it by the handle because the tea cups and pot should not change positions and should be laying flat, so I actually found a regular basket with an upright handle works better. Just put it in the back seat with the seat belt around it.
Now here are some more things you can do to shabby furniture. I won't be able to show you what the old couch looks like because it is too much trouble to tuck in the quilt and get it all smooth again, but the couch is an old wicker piece with a foam seat. Underneath the blanket on the back of the couch  are two cheap bed pillows to give the back some softness. You can get these new at reject stores and they are quite good. However, what I would suggest you do, is use the old worn out pillows for the couches (put them under the blanket coverings to boost the seating area and backs of chairs and couches)  and buy new pillows for your bedroom.

That is Grandma's crochet covering she used on the head area of her chair, to protect it from stains. It has two matching arm chair pieces for the arms of the chair.  I put a thin piece of clear shiny plastic covering purchased at the  fabric store. That way I can just wipe the dust with a damp cloth.

The piece of furniture below really needs to be painted but it is such an involved project I will not be doing it yet. In the meantime, I place a tin flower vase with colorful umbrellas next to it to brighten the corner.

Below: another shabby chair covered with a commercial quilt. The other side of the quilt is a lot more worn out and This side is arranged in a way that none of the shabby areas show because I draped them around the back of the chair.

Someone made this cotton dish towel for me and insisted it was for me to use every day in the kitchen. There is no way I am going to use this yet. The last time I got a set of hand embroidered  towels was way back in my youth. These are newly made but they are still a rare treasure and they look great on the back of this wicker chair.
Above and below: cushions made from decorator fabric at Walmart.  In showing this, I am by no means assuming to be any kind of decorating expert. I have instead, discovered some things about being comfortable at home while living with worn furniture. 
 One other way to make it homey is to use things your children made or used.

It is important not to be distracted by things that are being commercially promoted. There was a time when people viewed everything that was promoted, with attitude of skepticism. Myself and others lived before furniture stores for common folk. We had things handed down or hand made. It was rough but we covered the seating areas with quilts and blankets over pillows, and the tables and end tables with squares of cloth, and we hung pictures made with pages of scenery from magazines. I think one of the problems of being content with the shabby things is seeing the trendy things being promoted. 

That being said, if you can afford it, new things are not fixer uppers and will be easier to look after. My problem was being able to afford one piece, and it was worn out by the time I could afford a matching piece. Eventually I settled for the shabby chic style, which is what we did back in the 1950's when we gave furniture a fresh coat of paint or crocheted a new blanket for the old couch. Our first couch was the back seat taken out of an old car but we were awfully glad to have it since it was a lot more comfortable than sitting on a wood box!

Another settee padded with pillows and draped with a woven blanket. Many a child has stretched out in this wicker settee to read a book. I use it outside in good weather. Queen size blankets cover everything on normal size couches. You might need a king size or oversize blanket for an extra long couch. 

Gather things that clutter and place them in containers for color and freshness. 
Now the question comes to getting the feeling you want in your house. Just observe mentally what you tend to notice the most and what gives you a feeling of well being. Sometimes you may just need to clean house and then you don't mind the shabby furniture, especially if you add simple bright spots here and there.

I read in Helen Andelin's book in her homemaking chapter, to make your dreams portable. She explained that if you got stuck with an unmoveable idea of the perfect house, you would never be able  to find contentment. One way to make your ideas and preferences portable is to have furnishings you can use in any room. You can move a dresser to the living room, a chair to a bedroom, and you can even trade rooms, by switching the living room to the dining room.  

 Rearranging things and cleaning things can remove the feeling that you are "stuck" in a house that is not your dream house. As you know I wanted a Victorian House. I found ways to add hand made things, the way our grandmothers did. The only frustrating thing to me was the modern Windows that have no sentimental charm. I solved that with curtains that kind of make a shape over the big windows and frame the view in a soft way.

There is someone who lives not far from me whose house seems to be in shambles all the time but her children love the place for the belonging and comfort they felt while growing up there. They care not how shabby everything is, and the family never stresses over it nor attempts to re-do or paint. Family members like to be there at meal times because it is their family. If you will reassure your people regularly of how special they are to you and what a miracle it is to have a family, they will feel the same and will think there is something homey about the house.

The best things are the words that are spoken to encourage each other and build one another up.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Meal Times For Sharing Values

Painting: Stephan Darbyshire 

To sit around a table with family is a great privilege, but mealtimes are not just about food.

It is a time to share your beliefs about the home, about family, and the reason for multigenerstional relationships and good practices handed down.  It is about how you all came to be here (and where you got your good looks!)  No one is completely "self-made" for we all become who we are by the gracious contributions of others and by God's work in our lives.

We, none of us, invented ourselves. We get our humor and our love for our childhoods from our parents and grandparents. We get our code of living, and our feeling of belonging from our own  generations before us. 

 You have probably listened to someone go on and on about all their accomplishments, such as how long they have been married and how old they are and how much they have done, the work they do, the things they are accomplishing. 

None of us have got where we are completely on our own!  Parents, grandparents and siblings all put effort and money, at great sacrifice to themselves, making each other successful. Let us never throw away the times a brother or a parent were empathetic and kind to us, rescued us, helped us, or the time our own parents and grandparents spent developing our talents and interests.

Meal times are good times to share with your children how thankful you are for your valued childhood and the memories that give you a sense of well-being--the time a brother pulled you away from danger, or a parent protected you or went to extra effort and expense to make special times for you.

Unfortunately many people make mealtimes unhappy by their sharpness. Sometimes no talking is allowed, but consider how much conducive to sharing values a mealtime around the table is.  Any other time is nearly impossible to have everyone in the same place focusing on the same thing.  Meal times are shared values for all the family.  This is a time to talk about everything you share; not about the rest of the world and other people; but about YOUR people and your generstions and your history and your plans and dreams.

It is good to block out the "news" and share your own news.

Meal times are opportunities to get ideas from one another, amd encourage one another, bear one another's burdens, share one another's sorrows, and help one another with their issues.

Painting: Stephen Darbyshire 

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Cultivating Gentleness - 1

The pictures here today are from Pinterest

Continuing a theme of gentle words, I want to give a few hints on how to be more gentle,
-you don't need to raise your voice unless the person you are addressing is a great distance away. They can hear you when in the same room.

-These are human beings created by God, with souls you may be damaging by your outbursts.
-No one will seek your company if they have been a recipient of your wrath.
-Children, siblings, parents, grandparents are traumatized by a rage that no one seems to be able to appease.
-Letting out a stream of insults is like emptying a feather pillow in a rage. It is easy to empty it but never possible to gather all the flying pieces and put them back in.  When warning young women about the letting out every hateful thought, told Greek story of Pandora's box comes to mind.
-Keeping meanness to yourself is better than harming other people with your words.
-Avoid verbal entrapment, which is the technique of manipulating an answer to make the other person guilty, by framing a question that gets a desired answer and "puts words in their mouth." In such a situation the other person ends up bewildered and unable to escape a trap into an argument they do not want.
-You don't need to raise your voice if the person you are addressing speaks the same language and is not resisting you or attacking you.
-Learn the practice of empathy. People who are shrieking are not really caring about the one on the receiving end.
-Harshness is a lack of gentleness. It can put children and others in a state of shock.
-Your respect authority can be destroyed by lack of gentleness. You become a "clanging gong". You might want to look up the meaning and history of the noisy cymbal and clanging gong.
-There is no need to go into a screech or a tantrum if the person you are addressing is looking at you and is not arguing back.

Before you erupt in a rage and say insulting things, consider this:

-you are creating memories for someone.
-you are sullying the atmosphere of a home someone loves.
-you may be destroying someone's faith.
-you are ruining yourself, and you will have to later make amends.
-you lose your femininity...softness and sweetness.
-you are not helping the other person. You are dealing out punishment the other person cannot escape. Remember God gives grace and you are not greater than God.
-false accusations escape your lips when you are in a rant. This creates more problems because the  accused is left with a bad reputation he cannot clear up.  False accusations and cruel sarcasm are what Christ endured at the mouths of the enemies of God.  May you never resemble such people.

Saturday, May 06, 2017

View From My Table

Good Morning, Ladies,

I want to share a few more of my own pictures here. As you can see from this vantage while I type, the weather is a brighter albeit cold, so I am not ready for a picnic.

Some scenes around the house today:

Someone recently made a set of embroidered tea towels for me. This one is a teacups and spoon.

A dresser I embellished with some knobs:

Years ago someone told me that if there is something you like, put a picture of it in a frame, and maybe one day you will achieve the goal. This is an advertisement from a paint company I found in a 1990's Southern Living magazine.  I got the frame at the dollar store and painted it white.  This is quite a suitable house for me, but I must tell you the idea of setting your goal in a picture doesn't exactly work. This picture has been here for 20 years, and no Victorian house yet. At least I will never have to wash the windows or clean the floor.

I was having a conversation with someone today about the importance of watching your words. We both remembered these witty poems:

“If you your lips would keep from slips,
Five things observe with care;
To whom you speak, of whom you speak
And how, and when, and where.”

(William Edward Norris)

"Be careful of the words you say,
Keep them short and sweet.
You never know, from day to day,
Which ones you'll have to eat."

These poems contain figures of speech. A figure of speech is a word or phrase that is not literally meant but exaggerates the point to emphasize the meaning more clearly. The Bible uses many figures of speech to get the points across, as when it refers to the tongue as a fire, or words being seasoned with salt.

What does "eat your words" mean? I hope we have not stopped using this old expression, because it is a very good illustration. It means when you let out words that are rash, hasty, untrue, vilifying, or accusatory, you will regret it.

 You will blush in embarrassment when you remember what you said. The cruel words that went out of your mouth will have to be "taken back" or repented of, with bitter tears. "Take it back!" someone says, when your words are not true. That is like eating something that has been spit out. 

So, eating your words is not pleasant. The poem says be careful to make the words sweet in case you have to eat them. This is a contradiction of words, to emphasize the meaning. Of course you won't have to take back the sweet words and eat them: only the bitter ones! The Bible also uses contradictions to emphasize lessons. 

Years later the memory of unkind words may burn in your mind. You digest them again and they do not settle well in your mind. To eat your words is a figure of speech that means you will have to recall them and be sorry for the and it will not be a very tasty experience.  That is why we so carefully teach our children about being kind and gracious with words.  Those awful old words can give you heart burn. You will have to humbly and sorrowfully repent of them before God when you start remembering.

There is an old saying: "Loose lips sink ships."  Loose lips is another figure of speech. It means just blabbing on whatever comes into your mind when you are upset or feeling superior. Loose lips are open, not closed.   Loose lips, where unedifying words are allowed to flow unhindered, cause worse trouble than you know. They can cause loss of income, loss of friendship, church trouble, family estrangement, lost of people's confidence in you or in themselves, and loss of faith. They also do sink ships, which is something you can research yourself.

You have heard the saying, "My lips are sealed."  It is a figure of speech, because lips are not naturally sealed. They must be sealed by closing them before words escape. The best way to seal the lips is to guard the thoughts and not allow them to escape through the lips. The New Testament says to take every thought "captive" which is yet another figure of speech. It means do not let them out.

We talked about how unkind words deal a crushing blow to someone and send them into hours and days of grief; and how we were taught never to say things that put doubt in someone's mind about their own sanity.  We were severely warned by our parents and church members of how such words violated our relationship with God and put our soul in jeopardy. While many a time in foolish days of youth we tried out those accusations and cruel put-downs, we later repented of it, and the memories of eating our words taught the lesson again and again.

Later on I hope to have this lady as a guest  on Housewife Radio who will discuss this issue with me.

We as older women can regulate the culture and the society in some ways, and the language we use will be a teacher in public and at home. By language, I am talking about throwing out words that crush someone's heart or dampen their happy outlook on life. There have always been people who see happiness sitting on a post and want to knock it down.  There will always be people who, when they know something helps you or gives you contentment, will yank it out from you. They use cruel accusations to unsettle you and keep your emotions in a turmoil.

If we simply follow a couple of good things from the Bible, we can overcome the loose lip syndrome.
The first is to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. The next is to build one another up. Another is to be loving and forgiving. Also, love is patient, love is kind.  I remember someone being severely bossed around, who was trying to understand, not resisting or fighting, but patiently enduring the diatribe of accusations and snarling questions with verbal entrapment etc.  The boss-ee quietly asked the boss-er to be more patient with him.

Many people get in a frenzy throwing out words, and have mentally checked out and gone into what my husband calls "the far country." This alludes to the state of mind in the parable of the prodigal, told by Christ. The person is blinded by his own headlines and independence and cannot have an understanding heart or sympathy for the person he is attacking.  One symptom of being in "the far country" spiritually is the loss of empathy, as well as the acquirement of the desire to always punish someone in order to feel justified.

"The far country" is an expression, another figure of speech meaning "far gone" from their good values. It means they  have spiritually run away from home, as would someone on rebellion. They have left their good training. Proverbs says such a state is like a bird that wanders from its nest.

My friend and I had quite a discussion about the way people talk today--so many things being said that we would have been too ashamed to say when we were taught restraint. Today the word "crazy" is thrown around as a slang word, but there was a time you never would demean anyone's mental condition. You showed respect and empathy to those who truly had some mental problems, and you never casually imputed that someone was crazy, for fear it would push them over the edge.

God knows how intricately created we are in our emotions and minds, and that is why there are so many instructions on the New Covenant to build one another up, and to not cause someone to be so sorrowful that they cannot recover.   See 2nd Corinthians 2:7. Parents need to memorize this because a reprimand sounds harsher to a child than it does to an adult, and it may cause such sorrow that it makes recovery hard, if you do not reassure them.  Simply said, the verse teaches that you ought to show forgiveness, and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by sorrow.

There are some parents who think their authority is more important than their kindness, but lack of kindness undermines authority and detaches people from loyalty. Harsh unloving words to emphasize authority are not as affective as love.

We also shared this gem:

People who have accusations are usually guilty them. When they let out a torrent of accusations they are revealing what they, themselves, are guilty of. 

Of course we do not want to be overwhelmed with sorrow when someone we love and have invested a lot of our souls and hearts in, has accusations.  We cry because we are not yet hardened, and may we never be too callous to cry, or too insensitive to feel the pain of the unkind words. But let us also chalk a lot of it up to immaturity on their part. We can rise above it by being an example. When they enter "the far country" they do not know what they are doing. 

You can comfort yourself knowing you would never stoop to calling anyone any derogatory name or description. The other person knows this too, and will try to get you so upset in order to make you lose your integrity and stoop to accusations, like they do.

As Christian ladies we cannot sleep at night if we know someone is upset with us, but we cannot reconcile with those who are in "the far country" because they have rebelled against good sense. There are those people who like to keep nice ladies upset and never allow them to make things right, because they enjoy keeping others in turmoil. In cases like this, it helps to see what Christ thinks of you  and base your perception of yourself on His Word, not the words of someone in the far country.


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