Sunday, December 12, 2010

Needed At Home

Unexpected, by Edward Lamson Henry, 1841-1919

At seven A.M., I don't envy the mob
Who rise, shine and shower and go to the job.
In rain, sleet or storm, whether snowing or blowing,
I stay home and savor the joys of not going.

Cheers to you dears out fulfilling yourselves.
I'll bake me a cake, and I'll straighten my shelves,
I'll write some light verse and I'll practice some Bach...
If my neighbor drops in, I'll take time for a talk.

I'd rather have a family than fortune or fame;
I don't think my apron's a Red Badge of Shame.
You're welcome to banking, computers and math,
Guns, plumbing and business. I'll take a hot bath.

Art, music, letters--the good things of life
Are no less my own, since I'm mother and wife.
If I scrub, mop or dig in the garden, I'm free...
Remember, the choices were all made by me.

Helene Lewis Coffer 

These are a few of the verses in an old poem that encouraged me through the years, especially as pressures increased to get women to seek careers and pursue other interests and work away from the home and the family.

What does it take to be a successful housewife, who stays in it through every crisis and every rumour that would send weaker people running to the work place to exchange their time and their children's time, for a wage?  Well, it takes a few simple qualities that can be developed through practice:

It takes a deep belief in what the scriptures teach women to be and to do. It takes a strong respectful fear of the Lord and a strong concern your soul.  It takes women who know that believing  God exists is not enough; they must do what He commands in the scriptures.  Titus 2, First Timothy 5:13-14, First Timothy 2:9-10, and other verses are the same today, in a world crisis, or not.  When Jesus comes to reward his servants, he wants to find them working at the work that they were instructed to do. Women have been given a great mission: to guide the home. It is greater than anything else, no matter what other voices may say. Titus 2 has no loopholes and no alternatives. To be successful at home, a woman needs to know that God is her ultimate employer and that He is the great rewarder to those who do what is right, no matter what the cost.

Reminiscing painted by B. Saunders

It takes women of resolve. Outside pressures will sometimes shake a woman's resolve, and she will question herself. She may give up her time at home and her time with her children, to bring home money, but money is not what brings stability and strong spiritual values in a family. There are so-called official polls and reports in abundance claiming that more educated or high-income people will have more stable families; i.e. lasting marriages and untroubled children, but this is actually not true.  Even the most uneducated people can have a good life and a stable family  if they are faithful to the Word of God. Adhering to the statutes of the Bible bring stability and peace. Education is helpful only if it is based on the values of the scriptures, which teach how to live.
  There is that maketh himself rich, yet hath nothing: there is that maketh himself poor, yet hath great riches.  Proverbs 13:7

Girl Picking Poppies, by Daniel Ridgeway Knight 1839-1924

It takes resolute, persistent, tenacious,  valiant, undaunted, undismayed, unshrinking, fearless and daring, unmovable determination to be a wise and purposeful homemaker.  It is common to be asked: "Don't you know that our nation is in a financial down slide? Why are you staying home? You are living in a dream world! What about retirement money? What about benefits? What about the future? Why don't you wake up and smell the coffee?"

 All around us, today we see enticing advertising aimed at the housewives, trying to get them into college, and eventually, out working for other people. It is so important to know what you stand for, and not fall for everything that comes along and promises something great. Even if it is free, it does not mean you are obligated to take it.
Mother Playing With Children in an Interior, by Helen Allingham 1848-1926

 Sometimes "free" comes with a terrible price. Teen children need their parents more emotionally than people know, and this is often the time when mothers choose to go to college or to work. Some women lose their own children, spiritually, emotionally, and physically, in order to go after a degree. There is nothing in the Bible that demands that homemakers get degrees, but it is a big attraction these days, and it is, ultimately all about making money.  Many who have received these degrees have found that the jobs are not available which their education promised they would have. Titus 2 does not mention a "degree," but our nation in general, over-rates education, even elevating it above spiritual values.

Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord. First Corinthians 15:58

 Some friends, relatives and church members take a long time to understand that the basis of being a keeper at home is belief.   One sign of faith, or belief, is the way we live, and the way we act out those beliefs. 

  A homemaker may have some worried or "concerned" friends who are always urging her to "get a job," but she already has a job. The home is the most neglected institution on earth. Even those who stay home full time, admit there is never enough time in the day to do all the things that must be done. Many women do not even have children, or have children grown and gone from the house, and still realize they need to be home to keep it clean, orderly, and to look after their husbands.

 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.  Hebrews 11:6
It takes a belief that is stronger than the circumstances. Women are needed in the home, but there are constant efforts to undermine them and unsettle them.  They will hear that the circumstances don't allow women the luxury of being at home,or that the economy, the threat of war, the political climate, the uncertainty of having a stable family, or the fear of a medical disaster, warrant women ignoring the Word of God and going to work. Some reports claim that the government doesn't allow women to stay home. My belief is that if God commanded women to be keepers at home, there will always be a way to do it.  Today, people cave in to the threat of losing material possessions, or being shunned by society, and many other things. They do not see the spiritual benefits or the material benefits of being their own boss in their own homes full time.

 Sometimes people even say that they believe what the Bible says about the importance of women in the home, but only so far as "the circumstances will allow."  In other words: if it is easy, convenient, not controversial, popular, socially acceptable, and affordable, it is viable.  Many of us lived back in a time when people were much worse off, but the women, poor or rich, proudly kept house and were the queens of their homes. Leaving the home to go to work elsewhere was universally known to be disaster to marriage, home-life and children.

 Belief and determination have to be stronger than financial pressure or circumstances. We cannot allow  circumstances to rearrange our stability. We must pursue the course, steady on, ignoring distractions and threats of disaster.  I have now lived long enough to remember decade after decade of  "the world is coming to an end" news reports designed to mobilize people into certain decisions that would take them from their home and family. We have all seen  the real disaster when children are put out to pasture, marriages dissolved, and family members without stability. It has been said that for every thing God tells us to do in His Word, he also provides a way to do it. Sometimes people make things difficult or stressful by limiting their thinking to one way.

It takes resourcefulness: This means to look for ways to do things when supplies and circumstances seem impossible. Sometimes families will just give up when difficulties come.  Difficulties give us a chance to be resourceful. While it is painful to be without money or conveniences, once someone has gone through a period of reduced circumstances, they come out stronger, knowing better ways to live, more self-reliant and being less of a burden on others. Learning how to make everything than you can, limits your spending to only those items you could not possibly make, yourself.  

 Treating all household items carefully so that they will be strong and sturdy, prevents having to replace them, which is an expense.  Keeping the house clean prevents decay and deterioration. Being resourceful means to think further than your first instinct, when it comes to spending money. It means to think, "How can I do this, have this, make-do without something, or create something, with the things I already have, or how can I do it with practically nothing?"  Not all homemakers will have to do this. Many people live in relative luxury and comfort just because they are wise shoppers and do not waste.

These characteristics can be acquired through prayer and steady attention to the job of homemaking. 

Things to Be Aware of  When You Are A Homemaker

Homemakers must not see themselves in a limited light. Others may insinuate that women at home are locked up all day in a house, but they are less limited than women who work for others, as the above poem illustrates.  I am sure everyone understands that women who work at home are not necessarily totally confined to the house. They must go shopping, go to appointments, go on trips, and attend events that interest them.  They are less constricted than the working women, who must schedule in everything around their working hours.

Homemakers need to guard against being regulated by other people in order to prove their worth. Sometimes, in an effort to make others believe that what they are doing is important, women may forget that they need to rest. Rest, leisure time, and creativity is very important to replenish the mind and body. Why stay home, if you work as though you were in a factory?  Rest and leisure are important activities that can also be advantageous to the home and the family. Women of the past greatly valued their creative skills and displayed their handiwork around their houses.

Woman Reading, by John Ferguson Weir, 1865

 Women today need to do something relaxing and creative, and do not need anyone's approval to do so. However, these things need to be re-creative and not wreck-reative. Avoid vices like gambling, drinking, partying, and smoking. These reduce your femininity and your bank account, instead of building your capabilities as a homemaker and increasing your personal wealth. True recreation will be productive, even though it is restful. Reading a book, writing to a friend, taking a walk, knitting, or listening to music are soothing things that will increase your stamina for homemaking. 

Women are needed at home. Even without children, a house or dwelling place needs care. Windows, Floors and bathrooms need to be cleaned, dishes need to be washed and put away, and things need to be put in order. Meals must be prepared and clothes must be washed. The house needs to be looked after and it needs to look like someone lives there who loves the work and wants it to look good.  Women of the past cared for their homes, and whether it was just a shack in the desert or a cabin in the mountains, wanted to sweep and clean and hang pretty curtains, for this was their own domain. 

Woman in a French Interior by Susan Watkins, 1908

God gives the woman a special place in the world, which  gives her privacy and freedom from the oppression of others who would make demands of her time.  She only has to make her husband happy, and make sure he has the things he needs in order to pursue his business. This takes time and organized effort, but it is worth it to have well-planned meals, clean clothes, ironed shirts, and a well-kept house.  This special place is also a refuge and protection from the criticism and stress of the rest of the world.

 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.  Proverbs 31:11

Suggestion: Put the poem in one of your programs, make a border around it, and put it on your refrigerator, or, frame it and put on your desk.

For more responses on this post, go here.


Anonymous said...

Bravo! Well said. I love it when you write these encouraging articles. It is always a boost to my soul. I have remained at home even after my children have all grown up. I now have a granddaughter close by that I love to spend time with and I can whenever I want because my daughter and I are both homemakers! I do feel quite a push from ministries that want me to help out once a week and it makes me a little mad that they want my time, and it makes me also feel guilty that I resent it. It's a quandary for me.
Thank you once again and Merry Christmas!

Jaime @ Like a Bubbling Brook said...

So, so beautiful and encouraging.

I especially appreciated the poem; the last line you shared struck a chord with me, for this is a choice I made, and not an easy one at that. As a mama with a master's degree, formerly with a feminist mindset, there was much pressure for me to work outside the home full-time. "But you could be adding so much income to your household!" and "Wouldn't your children be better off with the luxuries your additional income could afford?" These are questions that, at one time, were very difficult for me to answer. But... I am making a choice, and every day I continue to make this choice, gratefully. I give honor to God for all He has done, and continues to do, in my life! His strength is made perfect in my human frailty and weakness.

And the passage you shared from Proverbs 13? I just read that in this morning's reading.

Thank you for such precious words of wisdom as I begin my day.

Jaime @ Like a Bubbling Brook

Anonymous said...

Thank you a thousand times for this post. I appreciate it tremendously. I am a full time homemaker and this post addresses many things I have been thinking and feeling for months now.

If just one woman reads today's post and decides to return to or remain at home full time, you made a tremendous difference. I admire your willingness to state the truth in the face of what is no doubt tremendous opposition.

I can attest to the truth of your words because I have been a homemaker for several years now and I am starting to see the results. My children and marriage are thriving when many I know are facing broken homes and all the heartache that goes with that. I hope more women heed your wise words today.

Anonymous said...

I read your blog all the time for the encouraging words. I love these homemaking articles that talk some about empty nest homemakers. As a retired homeschool teacher and stay at home mother, I can attest to the truthfulness of your words. I have chosen to remain at home now that my children are all grown. Last winter my husband strongly suggested that I ought to work at his office. After three months, my spirit was shriveling with the pressure of being both homemaker and bread winner. After a long talk, we decided that God is right in asking women to be keepers at home. Now I study herbs, horticulture, literature, history, art, music, and such. I am seeking a degree, but 100% from my home after my chores are complete. I'm learning to grow fresh greens in the house to keep us healthy all year long. I'm writing letters to my children and grandchildren. I'm writing a blog each day that reflects what I read in scripture. I'm feeding my husband well and making a welcoming dwelling. I'm frugal, saving us so much more money than I could ever make as my husband's secretary. I'm leading a fulfilling, spirit-building life.

Anonymous said...

Lovely and inspiring article, as always. I also agree with the previous poster...Homemakers must be especially on guard against all of the ministries and other volunteer "opportunities" that present themselves and choose carefully and guard our time wisely, according to our own circumstances and energy levels.

~ Ann

Anonymous said...

Dear Lady Lydia,

Thank you so much for these words of comfort and cheer~ They are a wonderful reminder to hold fast to the Word, and not the World's point of view.

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed this poem. I have missed your posts like this. I really needed to hear this today. Thank you.

Lydia said...

Ladies I am sorry I didnt have time to finish this post. It just got so long and so late, I had to quit somewhere. I will try to do the other half soon.

Lydia said...

My email program is not working, in case you've emailed me and not received a reply.

Lydia said...

P.S. Does anyone dislike the new Windows7 email program as much as I? I find it complicated and not very convenient. I wonder if any one else is contacting the site to complain about this...

Anonymous said...

What an article! And what timing!
Thank you so much. Every now and then, I begin to get nervous that I am just a stubborn woman, that just doesn't get it. Espcially, when I find so very few CHRISTIANS and born again believers encouraging woman to be home. I am accepted, but, the encouragement always goes to the woman going to college, or going off to do good outside her home, or finding a job.
There is always loud applaud for these activities. And a lot of statements about being thankful for our and women included. At times, I feel like my fellow sisters and brothers in Christ see me as having it easy, or a lazy person, or untalented. It takes some tears in prayer to the Lord to help me cope, when I hit those down times. Then, I find an encouraging article like this, today...which I believe is a gift from the Lord..
Thank you.

Anonymous said...

A degree can be a disadvantage for women who want to follow Titus 2. I have a degree and when things get tight financially or we run out of things, or we have to be more frugal, husband asks why I am not taking advantage of my degree since it would bring in so much more money!! A degree harms a woman who wants to stay home. A man sees dollar signs when he sees a degreed or pedigreed woman!!!!

Jill F. said...

Thank you Lady Lydia.

I have been a homemaker since the birth of my first baby 25 years ago. After being raised in a non Christian home I sorely upset my parents by staying home and raising eight children. My husband has gone through many job lay-offs and we have had financial ups and downs....I have been surprised by the temptation to work now that we are in our 50's and have no retirement saved. Somehow I thought I was beyond that temptation! So your wonderful post encouraged me!

We have four teens who need me and two younger children still at home...most of all I have a husband who walks in the door and immediately calls my name! He needs me! I have spoiled him;).

Beyond these precious reasons for staying in my home, I know the scriptural mandate and know that I must obey the one who redeemed me! I do not want to "malign" the word of God by working outside of my home. I know, too, that the next generation learns by our example and I find it precious that our two grown children believe that God will supply their needs so that they can marry and have the husband be the breadwinner. In the words of our 25 year old daughter, "I saw you go through hard times, mom, and I am not worried about staying at home and living on one income." Praise God for the harvest that we reap when we obey God's word!

Thank you, again, for your encouragement.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking along the exact same lines yesterday. I was thinking how rich you are, Lady Lydia, to have family, and a happy life. You can have everything you need this way, without much money.

We make quite a bit of money, but I feel so poor, because I have no extended family that will participate with us. If I need anything, even a person to feed my dog once in a while, I need to pay for the service, which uses up all of the extra my husband makes. I almost feel like they are resentful, and feel they shouldn't give of themselves as family members, since we have what we need financially. It sure makes it awfully lonely for us, and wondering, "What should we do, fail so that you will finally accept us?" We have no mother or father to come over and brighten our day, hold a baby, or do an activity with us, even if we offer to pay their way.

One day, as my family matures, we will feel the richness come, and that is what I'm working for. It has been your words that keep me headed in the right direction.

It really does take a few years to reap what you begin to sew, when everything feels barren at the beginning, but I am convinced it will only get better with time, doing things the right way.

One of things I had faith about, was to have more kids than I had expected to have, on faith that I would be glad I did someday. That has really borne itself out in my life, and I'm so glad I read LAF articles during my child-bearing years.

Anonymous said...

Lydia, this was a wonderful post! I am now following you again and have my (our) new blog up.

Ps: I also got you email - thank you

Anonymous said...


This is an excellent poem and accompanying article. in australia, it is estimated that over 200,000 teens and young adults are suffering from acute psychiatric distress in the form of self harm and severe anxiety. A few brave souls have dared come out and suggested that this is directly related to a lack of parental bonding in infancy that has knock-on effects into childhood and later. Commentators have skirted around the societal changes over the past 30 years especially that have taken place in our communities, that, I believe, have a direct relationship to these alarming statistics. Gen Y is the first generation to have been by and large placed in childcare in significant numbers and nobody has the guts to make the connection that, in my thinking, is obvious. Gen Y is one of the most fraught generations that has ever been seen.This message needs to get out and be revived across the Christian spectrum. We women need to take it seriously. Preachers need to preach it also, though. This teaching has been removed from the Pulpit over the past 30-40 years...'the people perish for lack of knowledge'.

Keep the articles coming!

Gerie said...

I have become so alarmed at what's happened in the world all around us, that I took it upon myself to start my own blog. I figured if everyone was too busy telling jokes from the pulpit and creating their own gospel that I would do what I could to get the true word out. I don't write anywhere near as good as Lydia, but at least I know that when I face the Lord, He will know that I did what I could, with what I had to work with,( I'm sick alot)
Today, I wrote about How dare the world treat our Father this way, and I meant every word of it.
These things have to be said, and no one else was saying it, so I thought I would.
I can tell you that people won't like you when you tell them the truth, but I'm not trying to please them anymore, now I live to please my Father in heaven.

Blessed Homemaking said...

Thank you for this, Lady Lydia. I so much needed to read this today! I love these kinds of posts you write.

Anonymous said...

dear Lady Lydia:

thank you for an excellent blog post! it was very encouraging and the Lord used it to speak to me today. blessings to you and yours!

Sandi said...

Dear Lady Lydia,

I have no words to express how timely and necessary this article was for me today. I'm a homeschooling mother to 3 children and my husband has asked me to consider returning to college to work towards a degree. His reason? He feels that I will be bored when the kids graduate (not for another 5-7 yrs!) and if I started taking classes now, by the time the children graduate, I could return to the workforce if I desired, or find a job that I could do from home. I have *no* desire to return to work and want nothing more than to continue to be a keeper at home, loving on my husband and children. He tells me that the decision is totally mine, I can go or not go, yet the silent push is to go part time and 'try' it to see what happens. I know what the Bible says, and I know the Lord has given me my job description ... the pressure is intense. Part of me wants to honor his request (to return to school) and the other part of me feels that I'm on the edge of a cliff and that I need to fight like I've never fought before to stay home!

Anonymous said...

As usual, & in concordance with many of your previous commenters, I find this type of article to be the best tonic for "what ails us". And what is that?...Doubt. That one negative thought, given plenty of room & enough time to grow, can become an extremely ugly part of our hearts. It can lead to depression, & disobedience.

I can say, quite honestly, that home is the most pleasant place for me to be. I am sometimes sad when I'm away from it for too long. And this, from one who actually enjoys going new places, seeing different things, & meeting a variety of people! Home is where I am at my creative best, where my family feels anchored.

My husband & I have been going through some very, very tough times this past couple of years. Suffice to say I could have gone out, I suppose, & gotten myself a fulltime job doing something. I'm not entirely convinced, though, that our family's situation would have improved very much. Our homelife would have suffered severely, & it's possible (even probable) that we may have lost money trying to handle things that way. I never did the math to figure such a thing out, but was never tempted strongly enough that I felt the need to.

My home is clean, mostly tidy, we eat real food off of real dishes, & always have clean clothes to wear. The children are happy, growing up to become fine young people, & we have a genuine family life, enjoying each other's company. This doesn't happen by dabbling in child-rearing or homemaking, as if those things were hobbies. Commitment to our work is what's needed.

I most earnestly implore those ladies reading this, who may not have considered how valuable the position of housewife is, to heed Lady Lydia's words. God bless all of you.


Anonymous said...

This article was very uplifing to me today as I have been really trying to get our finances in order so that I can come home. I hope to do so in about a year. The thing is, I used to be a full time homemaker and I succumbed and went to work--I'm telling you, if you do go to work when someone is putting pressure on you, it will take you years to get back home. The money you make is spent and new bills are acquired to absorb the "extra" money and then you are locked in -- you HAVE to pay for the stuff then or ruin your credit. Keep the great articles coming, Lady Lydia.

morningstar said...

Thank you This is encouraging, uplifting and very much on time! I love that these are words of wisdom straight from the bible.

Melinda said...

Thank you for this beautiful and encouraging post. I did copy and paste the poem and plan to print it and post it on the 'fridge. I might frame it and put it over my desk, since that is where I tend to fritter away time I should be using elsewhere. Is the poem untitled? Or is the title the same as your post?

Lydia said...

The title of the poem was "Ad Lib" --very apt

Anonymous said...

There will always be a crisis on the horizon or very present, that will make women panic and think their world is going to perish if they dont leave their homes and get employment. There are many women whose husbands have lost jobs that just stayed put and weathered it. In the past, many women expected that their husband's employment was temporary from one job to another, and they knew how to cut back in hard times and how to thrive still, but very few of them thought to leave the home. Those without children were keepers at home, too, and the economy was better for it, because the jobs were mainly for men and breadwinners, not for families that already had income. Women who work make their husband's less concerned about money and more likely to get into debt. There were always those women who went to work but their children had a lot of problems. People today think its just "normal" for kids to be troubled and so they think nothing of mothers going to work, or of divorce, etc.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the poem and the posting. I was telling my youngest daughter about your article and we discussed the 10% current unemployment rate. I wondered aloud what number of jobs would be open for "men/males" if just 10% of the many women now employed by choice would choose to stay home.
When my daughters were younger and in the primary grades and secondary grades I could always tell who the daycare babies were, as it was definitely reflected in their behavior.
I think it is sad but a lot of women take a job for insurance, so they will have a way to take care of themselves in case they decide to not be married any longer.
I grew up in a very small three bedroom home, I realize now that we were quite poor and my father would have looked at someone like they were crazy if they had talked about my mother working. Believe me, things would get tough sometimes, but we always had enough to eat (though not always something fancy) and every now and then we'd go out to eat. We had clothes, toys, games and books (my father would do the bookclubs and let the cousins order books on his form so we could get the free bonus books). Even with us being poor my parents also gave a tidy little allowance so we would have some spending money of our own. My father believed that us having a little money would keep us out of many troubles. It was not connected to work, but we were expected to do our assigned chores. Most of my allowances went to craft and sewing and I was thankful to have my own money. If I spent it on something foolish my money was gone and I knew not to ask for more. Of course were knew some of it was to be put in church.
Savings for out family was savings bonds taken out of his check. In my innocence I one time thought we were rich because my parents had quite a stack of these bonds in a drawer. Simple luxuries were gotten with green stams from one store and gold stamps gotten at another.
I thoroughly enjoy your sewing and crafting articles, not only do they spark my own creativity, but they also give me ideas for my small mission contributions. And, I equally (if not more so) enjoy the uplifting postings you do on Biblical womanhood and other spiritual subjects. Again I say, "God has truely blessed you to bless us".

Anonymous said...

I read with interest all the comments on working outside the home. I especially sympathise with those who face pressure to work outside the home because their children are grown . I am also facing such pressures. I hear my husband talking about retirement benefits and it is stressing out our marriage. Please pray for all those homemakers who have to face this , from their husbands , their churches and organizations .
I am thinking of doing some work from the home as a compromise. Has anyone tried this?
Thank you for this posting today Lydia.. I was really sad today after another stressful discussion with hubby about working and earning an income with no more kids in the house. How does one convince one's husband who says there is less to do when kids are no longer home?

Anonymous said...

The has been well thought out and beautifully stated!

A real encouragement to those of us who stay home amidst all the contrariness that you mention, to the benefit of our families and because it is His will in our personal lives.

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU for the encouraging workds!

Kim said...

WOW!If there was a woman out there who doubted the importance of her job at home...she would need to read this post! Very nice! Thanks for sharing!!

Anonymous said...

Lydia, Here's my blog address again. I wasn't sure if you were able to get it through the email I sent you.

I have you and Lillibeth on my blogroll. :)

Unknown said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have been discouraged lately and uneasy. I am still transitioning from little ones at home to all the kids in school for the day. (I am the only one still adjusting it seems) I question why I am here at all when everyone is out of the house for the day. I think I am just having a rough spot of thinking. Thanks for the poem. It goes on my windowsill today so I can read it as I clean up the kitchen.

Anonymous said...

This post has stuck with me since I first read it. I think it is one of your best ever. I finally just printed it out and put it in a binder.

This really is a great time of year to be a homemaker. We have time to do all the "little" things that make for a nice holiday season. The baking, crafts, and cleaning that we can accomplish during our days at home make the holidays so much nicer for our families. I know my children and husband are happy to come home to a nice meal and a clean home at the end of a cold winter day. And it is so much easier to shop during the day than when everyone who works is out running around frantically, spending like crazy and trying to throw together a holiday.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Lydia. I have recently very foolishly over-committed myself to different little part-time jobs and also to ministries in the church, which combined with young people still in the home, animals to care for and some family problems, has got my heart literally pounding and racing all the time. My Christmas activities, the shopping, cooking, baking, cards and cleaning are all being attempted willy-nilly or not at all and as you might guess, I am quite miserable right now. I have a freelance writing assignment due by Dec. 22, and I pray I can get this done satisfactorily and then I have promised myself that I am quitting all these jobs and yes even these ministries. Would you please pray for me as well? Mainly that I understand and obey God's will for my life. Thank you.

Far Above Rubies said...

Thank you so much for this post. It's a confirmation to my heart during difficult financial times. My husband is self-employed and work is slow to nothing right now.

Friends have deserted us, and others are gossiping. I have had comments on my blog - not published - that if I truly want to help my husband - I would go to work; saying I'm a ridiculous woman for doing nothing to support my family financially.

It's been a most difficult time, but in the midst of it all - I believe I am the happiest I've ever been. I can't explain it, but seeing God work in ways unimaginable to the world - gives me peace and faith.

People can be cruel, but it no longer hurts the way it use to b/c I'm learning to lift up my face daily to a God that promises to reward me as I remain diligent and committed to Him and His ways for a woman, a wife, a mother, and homemaker. I'm so proud of my calling.

Again, thank you!!

Anonymous said...

To the homemakers under pressure to go to work outside the home, and to th ones that succumbed to that pressure and are tearfully leaving home each day: I fell for it the first time the pressure was directed to me, and I cried each day...after a week of seeing that my husband was at home doing nothing, I told him I was unhappy and would not go back. He gave me the big speech about "helping out" which, these days means "give me money"--which I saw right through. When a woman goes to work, the men relax and don't worry about money and the incentive is not there to find work. They dont feel the urgency.

Like Lydia has written before, sending your wife to work is very weak and unmanly.

MarkyMark said...

Like Lydia has written before, sending your wife to work is very weak and unmanly.

What are men supposed to do when they've borne 80% of the job losses in this recession (they call it the MANCESSION for a reason, Ladies!)? What are men supposed to do when all the good jobs go to women these days? What are men supposed to do when women get all the promotions? What are men supposed to do when they have no employment protections, while women have all employment protections? What are men supposed to do?

I have more questions for the ladies on here. Where were you when the feminists were campaigning to get women outside of the home? Where were you when the feminists were spewing their trash and hatred of men-men who were/are your fathers, brothers, uncles, and husbands? Why did no women stand up and say THIS IS WRONG?! Why do you not stand up now? From where I and a lot of my fellow men sit, silence equals assent; silence equals support; silence equals agreement. Many men think that many women did not and do not oppose feminism because, in their heart of hearts, AGREE with it. Seriously, where were you?

Since you all are professing Christians, I shall allude to the story of Adam & Eve and The Fall. There's a REASON the serpent went after the woman, and not the man. Think about it...

Please do not construe my line of questioning as being against what you and LL stand for-quite the contrary, believe it or not. Not only do I believe that the old, traditional family model is the best way; it's the ONLY way. That said, we men have a lot of roadblocks out here, and no one-especially women-seems to know, care, let alone want to DO something about them. Sorry, but that's how I see it. Have a good day, Ladies...

Anonymous said...

Anon. 11:53, thank you for telling it like it is. I would love to know if you quit and what your husband did after that. I not only have this problem, but have grown children who lean a little too much on us, meaning me, since my husband, though collecting SS disability, could work a few hours a week if he really wanted to. Instead it is me who is working and worrying and depended upon because I too have a degree. The funny thing is, I have been home most of my marriage because my degree is pretty worthless (Drama!), and he was the one with the up to date skills. Nevertheless, he has no problem buying big ticket items and not worrying about paying things off. I have made up my mind, though, to come back home, pull back from all the outside stuff, and tell the "kids" to grow up and take care of themselves. I want to honor my husband, but somehow do not see how to do it without ruining my health and sanity.

Lydia said...

I wonder if there is a bit of a misunderstanding of the meaning of honoring your husband. There might be a big difference between honoring, as God intended, and honoring as the world (even the religious world) defines it. There is also a difference between honoring a person in light of the scriptures and what they require of men, and of women, and enabling someone to do contrary to the scriptures, in the name of "honoring," or "obeying." You can help someone but you don't need to take over their role or do the work FOR them.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Lydia, for explaining the honoring thing. That helps a lot. Marky, you seem to have wanted the ladies here to well, step out of their God-given role and start screaming and flaming the feminists. In short, to behave like the crazy women who seem to be running everything right now. We have stayed home and attempted to keep out the wolf at the door, talked to our children, and tried to set a good example with our lives. Some of us have been very intimidated by the turn of society in the last forty years, and have hardly known what to do in the face of it ourselves.

Lydia said...

The best evidence, the best teaching, the best defense of a belief is to live it.

If a woman is truly convicted that the scriptures guide her life, then she will not have much time to spare to attack certain issues. However, on the web, many homemakers are doing a great job of sharing the way of life in the home.

The home/work issue all depends upon what you are allowing to guide your life: the scriptures or the circumstances. Naturally in every family throughout the ages, there will be difficult times, in which the wife has to pull back a little on expenses, or sell a few of her hand made things, or give up some of the expensive things that require high payments.

In the 50's, the economy was no better, yet many women stayed home, especially the conservative Christian women. The families only had one car and sometimes it would actually work. Men tinkered with the cars and tried to get them to run, but now, have to take the car to someone else to have work done that they cannot do. So that adds to the expense. In the 50's people only had one of everything, instead of rooms full of electronic equipment. The men and women sometimes had one set of church clothes and a couple of every day clothes, and a washing machine that had to have the close hand-pushed through the wrinker. They would only wash once a week, because the washing machine had to be pulled out of its corner, hooked up, and filled with water, which disrupted the entire house and made a mess. Now they wash all the time, which is actually more expensive. There were MANY inconveniences in the past, especially the inconvenience of men having only seasonal work, but families still thrived and still managed to stay together. It all depended of course, like now, as to what spiritual concepts were really driving them, and how they responded to circumstances.

MarkyMark said...

WRT men working on cars in the past and not doing so now, that's easy. One, many guys don't know HOW to do so, because men and women have lost their natural roles; modern men can't fix or build anything, while modern women can't cook or clean.

Secondly, the cars of today don't ALLOW one to work on them as in the past. My first car was a 1966 Chevy, and it was easy to work on. All a guy needed was a good, basic set of hand tools, a timing light, and a dwell/tach to do 95% of the maintenance that car would require. I know, because I did most of the work on my first car.

However, that's not the case now. I have 2003 Ford (purchased used), and, other than the very BASIC maintenance (replenishing/replacing fluids, etc.), a guy cannot work on his own car anymore. Either one needs a special computer (costing thousands) to talk to the car's many computers; or, one needs special tools that cost a lot of money. A shop doing a lot of business can recoup these costs, so purchasing them makes sense for the shop. However, for the individual car owner, even if he can afford these tools and equipment, it doesn't make sense (as in dollars and cents) to purchase things that will not get used often. That means if I need work done on my car, I have to go to the shop now, whereas in the past, I could have done it myself.

Lydia said...

That men can no longer fix everything themselves, due to the lack of equipment for the modern repairs, is excuseable, but that women can not manage the home means something else. All the time spent in institutions, from birth til marriage, means that most of the domestic things were done for them by someone else, and that they will not have acquired the skills necessary to effectively run a home.

Lydia said...

As for "where were you when..."--remember that almost all women were inundated with feminism from the public schools and media most of our lives. Those who recognized the harm in it distanced themselves from it in order to abide at home in peace. It is too difficult to be a homemaker and fight the feminists at the same time, and association with it can be detrimental to a happy home. Ther were several prominent women who published helpful things against feminism and there are still those who are able to.

MarkyMark said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MarkyMark said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...


Where was I when feminists were spewing their trash and hatred of men? I was a child (born 1959), raised by a feminist mother, though she would never call herself that. She (and my dad) encouraged my two sisters and I into college and careers and to look out for ourselves. We were not encouraged or taught to be keepers at home.

I was educated in govt. schools that also pounded feminist ideas into our heads, as well as other destructive ideas.

After living a life of debauchery after and during college and for a while after marriage, God in His infinite mercy saved me and brought me to the end of myself.

I think the most effective way now for women to fight the scourge of feminism is to stay home, leave the jobs open to the men, make sacrifices, and raise your children by example of how families should be, in obedience to God's Word. He WILL meet your needs if you honor Him with your life. We recently lost our house, but we are not homeless. We have daily food, shelter and clothing, and are more content now than ever before.

I'm raising my daughter to be a keeper at home, my son to be a man of God and pray they continue to be after they are grown. I can't change what I've done in the past to contribute to the problem but I can change how I live now. That's how I'm fighting back at the damage feminism has done in my life, in our country, in our churches.

Anonymous said...

"It is too difficult to be a homemaker and fight the feminists at the same time, and association with it can be detrimental to a happy home. "

Exactly! What are you suspose to do about it anyway? Form a blockade and stop women from going to work?

Tending to yourself and your own family is enough. You will be known by the fruits of your labor.

Marhy Mark's comments are hopeless sounding and insulting to homemakers.

Women today can't cook and clean? That is news to me. I just spent the better part of the last 10 hours doing just that...

Anonymous said...

MarkyMark - "I have more questions for the ladies on here. Where were you when the feminists were campaigning to get women outside of the home? ..."

I was at home serving my family. Where was I supposed to be? Was I to take away from my time and energy devoted to my family and home in order to fight feminism? How? I'm not a gifted speaker nor writer. I'm sorry to have let you down, but please tell me in what ways and how much I should have neglected my family to satisfy your demand to fight feminism.

M @ The Mommy Experiment said...

Do you mind if I post this poem on my blog? I really really like it!!

Lydia said...

Please spread it around.

Anonymous said...

I have read Marky's blog just to get a sense of what these disenchanted men are saying. I would caution against going on, because it is kind of rough. Of course, they are entitled to their opinions, and have free will in their actions, and after all, it is a men's place, so I am not condemning them. The point is, when one tries to convince them that there are good women out there, they don't believe it, or feel its too much of a hassle to try for one or whatever. Kind of self-defeating, in my opinion, but I am not in their shoes. They will actually caution each other against getting married, saying they will be happier and safer staying alone all their lives.

Anonymous said...

When the economy is down, it is more important that women stay home and provide a nice place for the discouraged men to come home to--a place where they can be built up and feel important in what they are doing as men: working.

The Lady of the House said...

Lady Lydia, thank you! Thank you for this wonderful article.

M @ The Mommy Experiment said...

Forgot to say, of course I will link back to you :)

MarkyMark said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lydia said...

MarkyMark, I found the question "Where were you when..." difficult to answer because feminism sort of took over without anyone's consent. It is backed by a lot of money, the media, the schools and colleges. There is no way to compete with them except to retreat quietly to the home and mind your own business, while teaching the next generation the truth. Most people that appeared to be feminist leaders, such as Gloria Steinam and someone named Greer from Australia, were just being used by those that orchestrated the movement, which continues to roll over everyone whether they protest against it or not. There could even be a national vote against it and it would do what it wants to do, because it has the money and the power. It is a political movement, hiding behind words like fairness or equality or poverty, freedom, fulfillment, etc. There's a lot more to it than what you see.

Some people saw the problem back in the 1800's and attempted to expose it, such as the man who wrote "The Bostonians." This was made into a movie in the 1980's and concerns a southern gentleman who visits a cousin who is wrapped up in the feminist movement. The story shows how he convinced a young woman who was being used to promote the movement, to leave it.

Anonymous said...

Lydia, speaking of The Bostonians, here's a footnote mentioning that book, and it's part of an excellent article, "The End of Courtship," by Leon R. Kass:

"Truth to tell, the reigning ideology often rules only people's tongues, not their hearts. Many a young woman secretly hopes to meet and catch a gentleman, though the forms that might help her do so are either politically incorrect or simply unknown to her. In my wife's course on Henry James' The Bostonians, the class's most strident feminist, who had all term denounced patriarchy and male hegemonism, honestly confessed in the last class that she wished she could meet a Basil Ransom who would carry her off. But the way to her heart is blocked by her prickly opinions and by those of the dominant ethos."

Lydia said...

Thanks for that review. I do believe something went awry when men could not resist the feminist movement; indeed, congressmen and all, acquiessed to their demands, just to be nice, and sometimes, the wealthy, powers that be, orchestrated feminist movements to capture the following of women. Then, they could control them. Today, some women think it is oppressive to have a husband and to have to confer with him in decisions regarding the home, yet, they have no trouble bowing to other kinds of pressures outside of the home. The Thinking Housewife has made several good posts on the subject of feminists and the gentleman, Basil Rathborne.

Staying home and raising children to think of men and women and the relationship of husbands and wives in a Biblical view, helps to breed the notion into the male or the female. It is easy as the professor said, to agree with the eyes and the intellect, but the heart is sometimes hardened by years of indoctrination. It takes a change of heart, and if the beliefs of femininity vs. masculinity are not bred into a person, they have to put it into themselves by consistent practice in the way they act and think, much like developing a good habit.

Lydia said...

(continued)...In America especially until the 20th century, men in general were family men, and sought to protect the women of their homes. The feminists were funded by someone quite powerful, and although it was frowned on for the first part of the 20th century, there were people coming out of the education system, going into the courts and the lawyer business, who became change agents for the agenda that they had been indoctrinated to believe in.

Nonetheless, we have an anchor that keeps the soul steadfast: it is the Bible and it was written for all eras, all ages, all time past and future. It is principle we follow, and the general principle for women does still work if they will work it, but they have to want it bad enough to do it.

There are those who say the Bible does not apply to modern circumstances, but if that is so, then they are going to have to tell a lot of religious women who have been home for years , and whose daughters are being taught to stay home, that it doesn't work. What do you mean it won't work? they will ask. We are doing it.

I'm doing it. The neighbor down the road a ways is doing it. The women at church are staying home. Our daughters are homemakers. Our homeschool friends are doing it and their daughters are at home too. So if God's word does not apply to us today, it is news to me. If we change with the times, we will never have stability, for one day the news says we have a good economy and another day its got everyone in a panic because it says its all going to crash. A woman has to decide what she believes, and stick with it, through good times and bad. the apostle Paul said he knew how to abound and how to be abased. In the past, I watched our grandmothers get along when there was no money, and get along when their was money. Ultimately it is all about money, isn't it, when it comes to those who say it is not possible.Times were MUCH harder back in the early part of th 20th century, and many of us lived in the wilderness areas without communication and without conveniences, but there was no talk of leaving the home and going to work in a factory or an office. Sometimes women needed extra money but they figured out ways to do it without leaving home.

Anonymous said...

Are there any example in the Bible of women trying to persuade other women of anything?

I beleive women are to guard their own home- not try and stop feminists in the rest of the world.

MarkyMark said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lydia said...

Ladies please be cautious about the link provided by is not edifying or wholesome, especially if you are trying to cut down on stress.

Marky Mark, I think you are a nice guy but I think you are very disappointed and not optimistic about finding a good wife.

The readers here are just nice women who like sweetness and light and have made a utopia in their homes and families, have created shelters around them and are diligently paying attention to the home.

I do plan to refute, in a future post, the belief that women should go to work to "help men out." In hard times, there won't be jobs, and women won't find them either.

Anonymous said...

Mark, Lydia is right though.. feminism just took us all by storm. I was raised by a feminist mother and was indoctrinated for almost 25 years before I became a traditional wife and mother.
I ask: how does making traditional wives and mothers go out into workplace bring more jobs to men ?
I think there are already too many women in the workplace don't you think?
As to the dearth of good women, have you considered 'taming' a woman aka Taming of The Shrew?And by this I don't mean beatings or the like( so please whoever reads this, I DID NOT SAY BEATINGS).Most people don't realise that being a husband is hard work because it is he who has to guide and cherish his wife . Christian women still have to be guided by their husbands ; they respond to leadership . I always tell my husband "I love a man with a plan"
and he always has one. We have been married almost 20 years.
I exhort all good men to stand up and do what you are all good at. Stopping the bad guys.
You ask where a traditional woman is doing about feminism?
Well, Sir, we are teaching our kids to grow up respecting the position of men in the household and in the culture, in our churches, and in our country. We are raising them to remember the sacrifices of soldiers and brave men everyday who save lives.We are making a difference doing what we are best at.
We need you strong big guys to stand up and say to the feminists.. NO MORE.
We will all be vilified and hated but isn't that what being a Christian is?
We seek God' s praise , not the world's.

Anonymous said...

Yes the feminists want women to be more masculine and the men to use their feminmun side. ...putting down some of the masculine behavior only they thought was too much. Now they want little girls to think like boys do. Wait a minute...these are the men/boys they said were silly and male shovanists and they wanted to change. So now it is ok to be like them? We teach little girls to be like boys...not to be thought of as dumb women. They teach that little boys act dumb and silly. Do they hear what they are teaching??? God knew what he was doing when he created male and female. He also knew what he did in making men the head of the home. Now that feminists have pushed and shoved their way into that spot and any authority spot they can,.. do you think we are better off? I think NOT!

Anonymous said...

Pray for mercy for all the misguided souls, and join me in thanking God that we have received His mercy to understand His will for us in regard to our femininity and roles. May the Lord bless each of you and your precious loved ones this Christmas!! And may the Lord bless and keep you as well, Marky and may you find His will and be granted the desires of your heart.

Anonymous said...

I thought of the comment on young people in Australia with psychiatric distress when I read this:

Raising Babies: Should under 3s go to nursery (daycare)? by Steve Biddulph, ©2005
"(Steve Biddulph, the respected Australian parenting expert is) angry about the increasing use of day care for babies. He argues that placing children younger than three in nurseries risks damaging their mental health, leaving them aggressive, depressed, antisocial and unable to develop close relationships in later life. This, indeed, is the subject of his new book, Raising Babies..."
-- From the 13 March 2006 edition of the famous United Kingdom newspaper, The Daily Telegraph
(Also titled Raising Babies: Why Your Love is Best)

Just Me said...

I have linked this post on my own blog.

So well said.

As a reluctant working mother, this is the honest truth. God bless you.

Just Me said...

In regards to MarkyMark....

I was in diapers. :)