Answering Single Woman's Questions About Homemaking

Q: Can you offer any ideas for incorporating homemaking into my life, even though I am a single woman in my 40's who has to earn her own  living?

A. The following answer is not meant to imply any lack of character or any fault on your part, but is in general, things everyone needs to know.

Order and Atmosphere.

To give your dwelling a more domestic atmosphere, I would suggest that cleaning and putting things in order and making it appear to be occupied.  Too often the home becomes a place where people drop things while they rush away to another appointment or evening entertainment. This results in a house that becomes nothing more than a stop-over for a limited time. However, just cleaning a house is a very utilitarian and materialistic way of living. You cannot be happy with just a clean, orderly house. It has to be arranged in a way that is inviting and it must have elements of beauty and meaning: a favorite photograph, a blanket on the couch, a rug in the entry way, an attractive plant,  a table cloth and things that soften or brighten the house.

 I know several women who spend a certain amount of time outside their homes just to look for things that would make their homes more homey. When they are away from home, it is for the purpose of finding  something that is good for their home life, instead of spending money on office parties or get-togethers with co-workers.   It is certainly better to spend $20.00 on a set of cushions or a coverlet, a new shower curtain or set of glassware, a new broom or set of towels, or even a nicely framed painting on the wall, etc. than to throw it away on a night out with friends.

Remove Things That Remind You of the Work Outside the Home

Make your life more domestic by creating a haven away from the daily work outside the home.  Create a place without career reminders. Hide the uniform or paper work behind a closet door, and display things that make you feel far away from that other world.

Meal Preparation

To make home life better, develop a routine before and after work that will make life at home pleasant. This might involve leaving the home cleaned up, and then doing things in the evening which will make the home a place you really want to be. Although you are living alone, it will be a great advantage to cook a meal and serve yourself on real dinnerware, and will aid in your over-all health.  If all you do is make a sandwich, it is an act of homemaking which today, not everyone knows how to do. Eating at home increases the domestic atmosphere of the home. The beautiful scent of cooking will linger awhile and make you feel more of a homemaker.

Domestic Interests

Besides paying attention to what the house looks like, spend time in it doing homey things: create a writing area so that you can attend to correspondence, personal Bible study or favorite interests.  If you like to sew, set up an area with your sewing maching and ironing board and your supplies, and if you like to cook, leave out a set of mixing bowls or pretty measuring cups.  Supply a special table with tea things.  Find books about the home to put on your coffee table. These things will  reinforce and establish your desire to become more of a homemaker.

I think it is also important to hang pictures or paintings, needlework, and such, on the walls to make the dwelling more homey. It also helps to have curtains, even if you have built-in shades, because they give a more cozy effect.  Turning the heat on when you are home in winter or having a fireplace, even a electric one,  creates a domestic scene. I have seen single women who are trying to eliminate housework completely, so that their accessories and house items are down to the barest minimum, just so they will not have to clean them up. While I agree that too many things can take up too much time to look after, keeping too little just to avoid housework will make the home seem bleak and cold.

Q: What can I do to be more feminine while away from home at work?

A Softer Appearance

 The first and easier thing you can change is your appearance. Where others are looking harsh with their updated hairstyles and edgy-looking clothing and shoes, you can look for something a little more feminine. That does not mean you have to actually get something at an antique store to wear; just opt for the ruffle or embroidered blouse, pretty buttons, longer skirts and pretty shoes, instead of the masculine look that so many women are sporting today.

Modesty Yet Femininity

 There are many more choices out there than denim, black and brown or gray.Always dress modestly; no cleavage, no tight pants or short skirts, no revealing tops with straps showing, or any garment that looks like underwear).Find clothing that is more feminine than the common denim, black and gray that is so often touted as working wear, which is designed to match the grayness of the offices and buildings that women work in.

It will not be difficult to make your hairstyle and makeup and jewelry more soft, sweet, innocent and pretty. There are ways of making hairstyles soft and feminine instead of hard and boyish and edgy. In general, the innocent look will also make you feel younger, and in turn, give you more energy.

Cultivate Softeness in Your Personality and Physical Appearance

Another thing you can do, which will take more thought and time, is improve the softness of your face and eyes. If you are used to giving harsh, critical glances and are constantly business-like and methodical, trying to manage others and bossing people around, you will have to develop a habit of responding with softness.

If you have a troubled complexion, with blemishes, try applying tea-tree oil mixed with lanolin to the affected areas of your skin, or find some thing that is affective.

Develop An Agreeable and Approachable Personality

To illustrate this, I will relate an experience of my friend, who rented a little cottage by the sea in a cold, northern town. Although she was well over the age of 40 and was not  married, she found that after learning a few of these tips, she was able to get along much better with people, rest better, and be more happy and content when she was home.

 While other single women in the area were being very pushy and harsh with people, she decided to be kind and loving, smiling tenderly and warmly at everyone she met.  She replaced sharp orders and snappy replies with words like, "Thank you for reminding me, " and instead of saying, "I already know that. Do you think I am stupid?" she replied,  "I know you are right about that." Complimenting others became easy for her and people responded to her in easy manner.  She rooted out every harsh answer and critical remark in her personality by repeating kind responses. She was especially careful to be kind to anyone who had helped her in any way and to always express appreciation for any small gesture of kindness from others.

Spend Spare Time in Domestic Pursuits

On weekends, while her peers were partying, she was taking care of her home and attending worship. Others knew that they could always find her there and found some comfort in her habits.  As her friends faces became more tired and worn from the cares of this world, she seemed to get only younger, more feminine and happier. 

Project Happiness on to Others

One day someone asked one of the single men in the village why he enjoyed being around this woman and why he paid more attention to her than to the other women that vied for his attention. Though she was not seeking attention she was receiving a lot of kindness in response to the way she treated others. Though she was not attractive in the popular sense, this man thought she was beautiful.

"She wears long skirts, which is a lot more feminine than the jeans women are wearing today,  and her hairstyle is soft.She has soft skin and her eyes express kindness. She sends out warmth in her personality and her voice is sweet and melodic."

This woman was always modest and agreeable rather than snappy and disagreeable. Men and women were ready to help her in any thing she needed and instead of encountering resistance to her will and her personality, she found that people were glad to have her in their lives.  

Focus on Things That are Lovely

Your skin and eyes can be soft, as you focus more on things that are lovely. Hardness in the eyes can also be a result of critical thinking. As you get older, it gets easier to think on the negative side of things and to become jaded  and complaining. Think of homey, domestic scenes like your little flower garden and your plans to improve your home and make it beautiful.  Read things that enlighten you and bring bright happiness to your eyes.  Replace the tendency to grimace or frown by relaxing your face and thinking pleasant thoughts. Constantly correcting others can also be a disagreeable habit that you might not even notice you have acquired.

Do not Boss People Around, Even if you are a Manager

The voice is important if you want to be different than the world.  People do not like women who scream at them or order them around. Being pushy might get you somewhere for a time, but eventually people will avoid you. Be careful not to push, manipulate, or try to manage people. Refrain from snappy replies that put others at a disadvantage. Practice bringing out the best in people.

 For young people, there is a tendency sometimes in the home to boss the parents and be critical of them. This is certainly a habit that will cause the perpetrators to be more harsh with others, later on in life. Learn to show deference to others and to respond in kindness, because not only does it neutralize a heated situation and prevents a potential blow-up or argument, it softens your own personality and puts you more in control of yourself. The voice must also be guarded against crude expressions, popular slang and cursing. Especially remember to say "thank you" to anyone who does anything for you." Along with re-creating the voice, be sure to re-create the mind with goodness and sweetness. Even  if you are in a position to manage people, remember not to herd them like animals, but to appeal to them for help. Wives and mothers have known this for generations, and get better results and more love in return.

There are other things you might want to be aware of, such as the sound you make with your shoes when you walk, whether it sounds threatening and authoritative, or whether your movements are gentle; the way you turn your face to listen to someone, and the way you use your hands: your gestures have a lot to do with how you are received and how you will become more feminine both at home and in the public.  In homemaking, you must learn to be gentle with your hands, as things at home are not exactly industrial-strength, and must be treated with care. Especially avoid pushing or slapping with your hands, even if you are just hitting a table.

Practice Hospitality and Everything Else You Would Do if You were a Full Time Homemaker.

Use your home as an opportunity to show hospitality, and share the joy of your home.  When I stayed in a campground for several months, I made sure that before I left, I entertained each woman I met there, with a small tea party. Due to the limited space, only one at a time could be entertained, but I did not let the small place limit my ability to extend hospitality.

I'd Rather Be Home

It might be summed in one thought: Incorporate the way you would like to live as a full time homemaker, into whatever time you have at home and aim to make your home look and feel as though it is cared for by a full-time homemaker. Leave an unwritten message by the way you keep your home, that homemaking is your real priority.

I hope I have answered your questions, but if there is anything further you would like to ask, please leave a comment. Maybe there are others who would be able to give you some ideas about being more domestic while in the position you are in.

In activating all these tenets, use wisdom and discernment. It is also necessary to be firm yet gentle with those types of people who may bring harm to you and your family. Kindness is important and can prevent a lot of problems from others, but one must always be cautious about letting others "in the door" to controlling your life.

To find the titles of the paintings and the artists, right click and save to your files.They will save with the name on it.

Things We Can Learn From Royalty

Beauty Primer

Pleasant Respite

 

This dry weather has enabled me to give my walls a fresh coat of paint, so I have been taking some time to rest from it, sit outside to read and try to catch up on correspondence. I did a little prep-work today by spackling holes and imperfections in the walls and washing away some of the dust. It would sure be lovely if a room that was being painted could mind its own business, but it always spills over into other rooms. I hope before too long that there will be places to sit and that things will be put away.

I am trying to keep from getting too anxious about it by taking a few moments each day to do something else. I can remember the days when my family and I could finish painting and cleaning up in just a couple of days, but now I think it takes me several months to recover from the upheaval.

Sometimes I illustrate personal letters with crayons because they are such a simple medium, needing no mixing and no clean-up.

 

It is nice to look through a pleasant publication...

and see something orderly, in its place. Magazines are inspirational but I like the homemaking blogs a lot better because ladies are showing what they are really doing at home with their own things and showing how they really live. Just a few years ago the only ideas that were available were from commercial magazines or furniture stores, where everything was staged, and there were only a few publications available. Now there are hundreds of blogs all over the world that show so many homes where people dwell and work and clean and create. Some of the magazines are now including people's blog posts. I like to visit the blogs when I have time because I enjoy seeing how women mix their inherited treasures with their every day things and how they make their homes beautiful and comfortable. There are so many more ideas being shared.

 

Above is the little novel I wrote for Drina, who took me to Miss Marple's Tea Room when I lived at the campground in Victoria, Australia. It was about an adventure or two we had together. The chapter about the movies centered on my wanting to take my purse with me. She said it was not necessary because she was paying for my ticket. I asked about at least taking my identification but she said, "I recognize you and I will identify you." Drina was originally from Croatia, and she had an unusual and lovable sense of humor. I sewed the pages together on the sewing machine with a fancy stitch. I rarely go to the movies, and I had not been sleeping much or very comfortqbly during my 2 months away from home. The seat in the theatre felt like a cloud, the room was warm, and I fell asleep, so I cannot tell you much about the movie.

 

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Lazy Summer Days

 

This is a planter container someone wanted to get rid of. I recently covered it with Krylon paint that has the primer in it, which provides the best coverage I have ever seen with spray paint.

I am still buying up wilting plants and trying to keep them alive enough to make it seem that the garden has been producing full, healthy blossoms all summer. Everything is very dry, but with persistence I think the flower beds will look full and lush very soon.

 

There is a creature called a gopher that tunnels under plants or wherever there has been water. They pull up piles of nicely sifted soil, which I can use,but they leave huge holes and they create tunnels underneath the garden and lawn. Eventually it creates hills of soil and valleys where the lawn and gardens collapse. You can see the holes here, every foot or so, apart. Often a gopher will swoop the flower or vegetable straight down into its hole before your eyes. As a result of this, my garden was a desert this year.

Usually these wild sweet peas can withstand anything.

I saw this house for sale on my way home from the garden center.

 

Although I would not cotton to living in town, I think it would be great to buy this (if by some miracle I ever got such money) and fix up the interior and exterior, adding trim and fence (matching, like they do in Victoria) and either re-sell it or use it for a guest house. I would re-model some of the outside for a more 19th century effect. What do you think?

Or does it just need new curtains?

One of the scenes on my way back home.

Here is that poppy field again. I need to serve tea out here! Maybe when I am more caught up on my work, I will try that, if the field of flowers is still there.

I have a ton of things to do, but have jumped a few hurdles: I got dressed and wrote one letter, watered the garden and made a blog post. I just hope I have the energy to finally clean up one of the catch-all rooms in my house.

Someone sent a comment that I did not publish: "Don't you have children, dearie?"

My children have their own work to do and I try not to be a burden on them. I usually try to get my own work done and then offer my help if anyone (friends, rellies) needs it. My husband and I are still able-bodied, (his 70th birthday coming up) and healthier than a lot of young people we know, so we intend to keep house and garden as long as we are able. I have just returned from looking after my 83 year old Mama for 2 months and I feel like I am still capable of looking after my own house. It is always easy for others to tell you to let children and grandchildren do your work, but it is not that simple. Most things in a home are personal. In the matter of cleaning up someone else's clutter, you almost have to be able to read their minds. It takes personal judgement to know where to put your personal posessions, and there is the problem of preference, too. My home is an expression of my love and my preferences and convictions. I also think my children and grandchildren should spend time cleaning and perfecting their own homes.

 

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Part of My Day's Work

Because I returned from my Australian trip in the middle of our summer, I found myself quite a bit behind the time to plant. I was able to find a few abandoned-looking plants on sale, as the garden centers begin to clear out their summer things, so I am hoping to have good weather for the flowers and eventually get a summer flower bed that is full of bright flowers. I work outside while it is still cool in the mornings, and later in the evenings.

The housework is still quite a bit in arrears, and after the experience with packing up my mother's house in a specific amount of time, I am practicing the habit of doing something creative each day and trying to socialize a little each day either in person or by other means of letters, or electronic communication. Today I wrote another of the little books I have written for various people that I met, relating times we spent together. The one you see, above, is being sent to sweet Betty, whom you know of from previous posts. You can only guess what must be inside this little novel. I've used a pen-name as the author.

I have made new kitchen curtains, and when the kitchen is cleaned up I will post a picture of the whole thing, with coordinating fabric accessories.

It is too hot to be outside, and the temperature is 90 F and 32C. You see I have the drapes drawn on the front window to block out the western sun which can make it very hot indoors.

 

 

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Beautiful String Quartet on a Summer's day

July 4th, America's National Holiday

 

 

Today I am staying home and members of my family are providing our traditional home-parade, where we dress up in colonial clothing, march across the lawn with our flags and hats, fiddles and flutes. I plan to ride my tricycle (an adult sized one). After the parade, which we will film, as usual, there is an out-door buffet and dining area set up for our cold lunch, consisting of southern fried chicken, rolls, coleslaw, tomato-cucumber salad in olive oil and vinegar, dill dressing, and a watermellon lemonade punch from a recipe in Southern Living magazine.

 

 

Like last year, we will hear political, '"train-stop" speeches, using my front porch as the railings on the back of the train, as the podium, in order to imitate the political tours of candidates of the 1800's. This year there will be a presidential candidate speaking at the train stop, a speech from a woman about women's rights (it is not what you may think) and a message from an air force veteran who lives nearby.

 

(Note: Anonymous comments are open today, so if you do not have a google account or any kind of online registration, please post.)

 

 

I do not think my sentiments and beliefs could be stated more eloquently than the words on this poster from an ad put in a newspaper by Hobby Lobby. Each statement is worth researching in depth. Click on to enlarge.

 

I was impressed with the following email from the Romans 16:16 blog , which shows the most important aspect of freedom:

Today, as Americans celebrate the 237th year since we declared our independence from the tyranny which once held our country in it's clutches. Let those of us who are'free indeed'' remember to fall on our knees and thank God for the freedom that we have in Christ.

May we give thanks for the freedom we have in this nation to worship Him in spirit and in truth. May we remember that all freedom is bought at a price and give thanksgiving for those who gave their lives that we may have this freedom. Let us remember to ask God to guide the leaders of this country and to raise up those who will lead it back to the one true standard. Let's praise Him for those who are daily working to do His will within our government. May we remember and teach, without fear and with all boldness of spirit, that true freedom can only be found in Christ Jesus.

Happy Independence Day

"Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed." John 8:36 NKJV

rsixteensixteen | July 4, 2013 at 12:29 p

Note: Thank you for this, and for all you do at the Romans Sixteen blog.

 

And now, I will relate a few of my own thoughts, on various topics.

 

Facing a shameful time in history.

It is difficult to write with any joy about "our" special national day, because of this shameful time in our history---not that the shame is on common citizens, but on a government whose actions do not represent our beliefs. The President also defies God's word in many of the things he promotes overseas. We, like Nehemiah want to remove this reproach. People in foreign countries who participate in their hearts and minds with the documents of our Founding Fathers (yes, "fathers") are also upset at the outrageous activities of the government which has trod on our freedoms and threatened the freedom of other countries. My husband and I and the rest of my family want the world to know that we think it is wrong for the U.S. government to spy on citizens of our country and expose their personal privacy, and spy and other countries, and that those who exposed this wrongdoing are heroes, not criminals (providing that it is not a total hoax, which is entirely possible.)It is ironic that a government that thinks we are not allowed any privacy can be so outraged when their own private evil is exposed. The Bible says to reprove the "unfruitful works of darkness." Ephesians 5:11

We who are disciples of Christ are in a better kingdom that benefits the nation.

While the wicked may be in power, let us not forget that the kingdom of light (those who are disciples of Christ) will always be at odds with the kingdom of darkness (those who defy the Word of God, which is the will of God.) Making disciples will put more people in the kingdom, and get more people out of the kingdom of darkness, so this is why having the liberty to teach the gospel and make disciples, is so important.As Christians we are citizens of a different kingdom with a heavenly passport and a holy constitution, the word of God, which much of the federalist papers (the rough drafts of the Constitution) were based on. Citizens in the Lord's kingdom will be better citizens in any country.

Do not think that a harsh ruler will allow you religious freedom.

Some people idealistically say that under duress and persecution, the church will simply grow in numbers and "thrive," and therefore, they feel it does not matter how the government behaves. What they do not remember is that the nations that live under dictatorships (North Korea, Zimbabwe, Cuba, for example) are not able to teach the gospel or send out missionaries. Under a socialist, communist, dictatorship, Christian parents will not be able to freely homeschool or teach their faith to their children. Parents will be imprisoned while the state takes their children. That is why it is so important to govern the government and keep it accountable and to maintain freedom. I believe that young men like Ted Cruz, Edward Snowden, Julian Assange and others are very brave to correct those who are elected and unelected. It impresses me that they are all so young, and that there is a young generation of determined and energetic conservatives.

True U.S. Citizenship.

I noticed that Ted Cruz was born in Canada, and that many people wrongfully believe that he cannot run for President. Having lived in Canada as American citizens, during a time when many other Americans were hired to work in the oil and gas industry there, I am certain that Cruz is a citizen. Our oldest child was born in Calgary, Alberta (as was Cruz) and is an American citizen. Just as children born to ambassadors serving in foreign countries to American parents are automatically American citizens, my child was considered an American, even with a Canadian birth certificate. Therefore, Ted Cruz, U.S. Senator from Texas, born of a naturalized American citizen father (from Cuba) and an American mother, is an American citizen and is qualified to be President, should the American people desire to elect him.

Re-establish your country with the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution.

Finally, I would like to remind you of the tiny country of Estonia, who threw off a foreign government by enacting their own culture of national songs, national flags, colors, sayings, constitution and beliefs. We are in a situation of being so demoralized by what those in D.C. are doing that we do not feel like singing the songs which proclaim the greatness of this country. We do not believe we ought to be blessed by God.

We do not believe that we have our country anymore and are ashamed to sing "God Bless America, " or "America the Beautiful." The first and easiest thing to do which will defeat a people is to demoralize them, making them think they are "no good" and unworthy and that they deserve to be brought low; deserving every evil thing that happens to them. That way, Satan and his allies can actually get us to cooperate with them in our own defeat.

We look at the things that the media publishes that are so shameful and we conclude that "we" are all wicked and that America is a wicked nation. We need to understand that this is a type of demoralization so that we will not feel we have anything to be happy about and will think we deserve to suffer. This kind of thinking will demoralize us and immobilize us so that we will not continue to pursue the various personal enterprises that make a country strong and great and good.

I was greatly encouraged by watching a documentary film called "The Singing Revolution", which recorded how Estonia re-established their nation-hood, their language, their constitution, their flag, their government, their songs and their culture. Although you will not agree with all of it, the main principle is to live who you are, and to practice your faith and to insist on your freedom, erstwhile getting those who oppress you to leave.

So, sing your songs and read the Constitution aloud today. Go to town and dress up like Yankee Doodle and take a copy of the Constitution and stand on a wooden box in front of Safeway or Dollar Tree or WalMart and take turns with your friends reading portions of the constitution and the Declaration of Independence. Bring your family and friends to sing songs and proclaim liberty throughout the land. Publish your opinions and beliefs on the Internet and spread the cause of freedom, just like the FOUNDING FATHERS did before.

From the Declaration of Independence are some applicable statements for today:

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

These words, written so long ago, serve today as a chastisement upon the current administration and past decades of elected and unelected people in government. I hope they will take note.

You might enjoy this video by a perhaps future president?

 

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Cooling Off For a Few Hours

I took this picture of a field of poppies growing across from our house.

 

A young country neighbor who is also a Christian wanted to know if I knew somewhere she could swim that was private. I knew of a clean, clear part of the Willamette River, (pronounced Wil-LAM-it), and we took a picnic lunch. While we were dipping in the river we noticed that, unlike most rivers we were acquainted with, the current in this river did not flow out to the west, toward the sea, but was going north.

 

This is a closer view of those poppies, which we passed on our way to the river.

We spent several hours cooling off in this river. Later, we enjoyed walking on the pebbled beach and picking up colored stones in aqua, red and yellow.

This river is close by my home and there is rarely anyone there when I go. My friend was happy she had the privacy, and aside from seeing a couple of brave people jumping into the water from the top of that sandy cliff opposite us, we were indisturbed.

We set up the quilt and picnic over there by the little cove. I completely forgot to get pictures of the picnic setting....

....but here is one of the sandwiches, made with garden-fresh tomatoes and cucumbers.

I hope no one is getting tired of tea pictures, because I always bring some kind if tea. This time, it was mixed berry herbal, which would also be great iced, so maybe we will do that next time.

We went back to our respective homes feeling cooler and a little more energetic for unfinished tasks. Mine seem to be hanging out laundry, making meals, and gardening. It is vital to take time out for recreation.

I found out after arriving home, that there are a few other rivers run towards the north, one of them being the Nile River. If you are homeschooling, this might be a a subject of interest. I found it interesting to see the current in the Willamette going the opposite way from what I expected!

 

 

 

 

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