Strength and Dignity

Chrysanthemums

by  Daniel Ridgeway Knight, Pennsylvania, 1829-1934

(View more of this artist.)

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she shall rejoice in time to come.

~Proverbs 31 verse  25

Dignity

There are several meanings of the word dignity,  which is sometimes interchangeable with honor. Definitions can be read at the end of the post.  Today I am going to talk about the practical  application of this word, particularly in regard to the conversation of women. Bible classes, tea parties, friends, the telephone, blogs, message boards and instant messaging make it easier to "tell-all" or give detailed descriptions of personal things, but is it expedient to do so?  I believe there can be a danger in it. I believe women can have good conversations and give wise counsel without losing their dignity.

Christian women should seek personal dignity.

Some people have the idea that it is not right to have personal honor or personal dignity, but the Bible teaches that dignity and honor are to be sought:

"A gracious woman retaineth honour. [dignity]" Proverbs 11:16

There is a common belief that things involving manners or  personal dignity are shallow, superficial, lacking in depth, or snobbish, but according to Proverbs 31 dignity is part of being a woman of worth. The Bible speaks of honor as something to seek.

Julia Among the Roses

by Daniel Ridgeway Knight

The Trend of Transparency

In an era that encourages transparency and openness, women have lost their dignity and sacrificed their mystery.  The tell-all television shows have helped make it culturally acceptable to reveal every detail of every weakness; every mental anguish in life.  While modernists call this "honesty', it is not necessarily dishonest to keep some things private. Cautious speech is important when preserving dignity.

Someone recently sent me an email forward about the airport policy of making airline passengers walk through X-ray machines.  In view of the popularity of transparency--- revealing every thought, every habit, every thing we do, I was amused at this reminder of literal transparency.


There is a problem if we want to expose everything to everyone, in the hope that we might win some to our beliefs. Women lose their dignity when they do this.  Philippians 4:8  says to think about things that are honorable. It may not be honorable to discuss sinful things among a certain type of audience. Women need to be wise, and distinguish between what things should be said or written for the public, and what things are only fit for privacy.

One of the dangers of the new transparency is that those who seek our harm will use it against us.  Unbelievers do not understand repentance. They focus only  the sin. They may report things you have confessed and give you a reputation you may find difficult to live down. Converted women who have come up out of that watery grave of baptism should not live as though their sins are still clinging to them.  They should walk in "newness of life."  They should think like new creatures. They should avoid discussing personal things among acquaintances and online. They  need  to find ways to come across as being friendly and personable without giving up their privacy or losing their dignity.

Mending

by Daniel Ridgeway Knight

Dignity Should Fit the Description of a Godly Woman.

The phrase: "Strength and dignity are her clothing" is a figure of speech referring to the dignified bearing and personality of a worthy woman. One of the meanings of dignity is "honor." At the end of this post is an explanation of the way the Bible uses figures of speech to explain the meaning of something. Strength and dignity are referred to as clothing, so that the learner can understand the meaning of dignity as part of a woman's being. They should be dignified in the way they dress, the way they live and the way they speak.

The Village Seamstress

by Daniel Ridgeway Knight

Dignified Speech.

Obviously dignified speech eliminates things like swearing and popular slang, especially when it is suggestive. It eliminates graphic descriptions of personal bodily functions or things that are not part of pleasant, edifying speech.  James Herriot wrote in his book "Dog Stories" that he was happily reminded of the days gone by when people's sensibilities were too delicate to describe troubles with their livestock or pets in graphic detail.  "How different it is now," he wrote, "when the young farmer's wives often make me gulp with their recital of explicit anatomical details."  Public blogs and other forms of online communication can be a temptation to reveal personal things that should be private, or limited to a certain group of trusted friends.

Peasant Girls in a Flower Garden

by Daniel Ridgeway Knight

Dignity is Like a Covering.

Dignity is something Proverbs 31 calls "clothing." Those of us who are "in Christ" know that we are also "clothed in Christ." It means to be protected or covered. Ist Peter 5:5 refers to being clothed in humility.  Anyone that understands insurance coverage can understand the concept of being covered by something that is not tangible but is a protection. A worthy woman is clothed in dignity, a figure of speech that means held in honor.

Many young women seek the example of a dignified older woman.   Practice dignity in your youth, and you will become the woman whose personality is clothed in dignity. Be especially careful what you say in groups of women or discuss on public blogs. Private blogs will allow more leniency but even then, women need to be careful to make sure that their speech is pure.

The Flower Boat

by Daniel Ridgeway Knight

Practice a High Code of Living.

Part of dignity, or honor, is to rise above the  sinful things of the past and not dwell on them. If you are a mother, your children need to see dignity (honorable things) in you. To put the past away is not to be dishonest with them, because it is a way of protecting them. You have to be careful what you confess to your children, your friends, and yes, even church members, because of the way it can be used that is not edifying.

The story is told of a man who went to prison for selling drugs. While doing time, he was converted by a prison ministry. When he was released and attended worship, he let everyone know that he had been in prison and how he had been converted. He told his story so often that people began to refer to him as "the man who went to prison for selling drugs." His sinful but colorful past loomed larger in people's minds than his current change of life. We all need to be careful what we say, whether it be online or off so that our dignity is preserved and so that others will be thinking on things that are lovely. Women can do a lot to prevent a stereotype being spread about them, by not talking of the shame of the past, except in very personal situations.

Maria and Madeleine on the Terrace

by Daniel Ridgway Knight

Loss of Privacy

There may be young children or weaker members who can get the wrong ideas about confessions involving past sinful living.Their minds may dwell more on the dark side of the story than the bright side. Discernment and good sense should be used when deciding whether or not to relate past sins to certain ones. Some people have spread things around that have caused problems in people's lives, and that is a good reason  to keep some things private.

Previous Generations Were More Dignified.

Many of us have parents living who did not see the need to broadcast every feeling, every angst, every bitter disappointment, every plan, or every move they made. Children were not told how much money their fathers earned, how much the family car cost,  how much their father had in retirement funds, how much their mother weighed or how old adults were.  Adults kept a lot of things private and did not have to divulge personal things in order to remain interesting to their friends.  When impertinent questions were asked, it was common to hear the phrase, "That is none of your business."   Today, people think you are hiding something or being dishonest unless you divulge every personal detail of your life, but women need to cultivate privacy and develop personal dignity.

The Fear of Formality.
Grace Livingston Hill wrote in her book, "Re-Creations"

"You know formalities are good things sometimes. They are like fences to keep intruders out and hedges to keep in the sacred and beautiful things of life."

Do not be afraid to keep up your fences and keep personal things to yourself. The practice trains others what to speak and what to refrain from saying or asking.

Evening Hours

by Daniel Ridgeway Knight

Dignified Living Requires Cautious Speech.

Some mothers make the mistake of exposing their children to the knowledge of the follies of their own youth, not realizing that it may create in the children a desire to repeat the behavior.  Mothers are responsible to guide and guard their children. They need to pay special attention to building the character of their children. Without good judgement, children talk and spread personal things to others, causing great harm in a woman's personal dignity.

While women can be very particular about which magazines they allow in their homes that expose children to sordid things, they need to be just as careful not to expose their children to their own past sins. There is a danger that the children will lose respect for their God-given authorities. Women need to attain and retain dignity and honor so that their children will not lose respect for them. The apostle Paul wrote:

... this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14

The past can be valuable to remind us the pain of taking the wrong way, but we must be discerning in what we say to friends, to church members and to the public whether it be through casual conversations, the telephone or the internet.  There are some people who lie in wait to find some flaw in Christian women in order to spread malicious gossip about them, gossip which might cause great damage to them later on. There are those who look down on people who talk about unsavory, or sinful things. A gracious woman should seek honor and dignity, rather than causing others to think of sordid things.

Revealing Personal Things Can Harm Your Influence. 

Previous generations were more dignified in the things they talked about. They would have been horrified at the current transparency trend, knowing that it would cause loss of personal dignity and harm their future influence on others for good. They knew that if they expected to be an authority they had to live the part and retain personal dignity.

Gathering Flowers

by Daniel Ridgeway Knight

Parents Need to Exercise Caution.

Parents do need to use their knowledge to protect their children from the follies of feminism. In doing so, however, it is a very dangerous thing to describe every sinful thing that they did in their youth. It is not good to broadcast the details of their sordid past life to immature minds. Later, in a moment of resentment or rebellion, a son or daughter may think, "Mother did it, so why can't I?"  Or, a child may lose respect for their mother if they know that she once did the things that she is now telling her children not to do. Children also spread personal secrets to their friends, which can cause great havoc in a woman's life. Since a child's mind and reasoning is not fully formed,  parents have to be very wise in the way they portray themselves. They may lose their authority if they show the children a weak side of themselves, and they also lose their dignity.

Seated Girl With Flowers

by Daniel Ridgeway Knight



Women Need to Be Careful What They Say in the Presence of Men.

While we expect men to avoid using strong language in front of women, women too must be careful in their speech around men, or as some would say "in mixed company."  They should not freely talk about their hair or hair products,  make-up, their personal hygiene preferences, the details of women's physical problems such as their period or any surgeries, the size of their clothing and underwear, marital relations, old boyfriends, potty training methods, and much more. Often in restaurants women indulge in laughing loudly at things that are not even amusing, or talking about things in public that are embarassing. Women need to attain dignity, and to do so, they must learn to speak about things that are higher and nobler. The quiet and gentle spirit (1st Peter 3:4) in women is something God values greatly and it adds to their dignity.

The Duet

by George Knowles

Learn How to Make Good Conversation.

It may take a little study and research to find out how to participate in a conversation without allowing it to degenerate into disgusting talk,  and it may take some practiced skill to guide a conversation that has gone astray. This is a refined attribute that is essential in attaining dignity or honor. Acquiring the ability to speak with dignity is like practicing on a fine instrument to participate in a public symphony. Once the music is learned, the player hardly knows he is performing it. Gracious ladies will have trials and errors but eventually will be able to discern what to say and what not to say, and when to divert a conversation back to the right path, one of dignified talk.

Reduce Communication.

Constant communication is not good for women. (As some men would say, "They need to be making sandwiches" instead. ) Too much chatter, whether online or verbal, can reduce your alertness to your family and sap your strength. 

Young Women Need to Be Around Good Influences and Pure Speech.
 Young women need to remove themselves from places that are a bad influence. "Evil communications corrupt good manners." Ist Corinthians 15:33. If you participate in such communications, you will not attain personal dignity.  It is more likely that these people will pull you down to their level, than you will pull them up to yours.  Online chatter is wasteful and destructive if it is not pure speech.

Young women who participate constantly in online message boards (including Facebook)  that are full of off-color humor, vile messages, smart remarks, gossip and accusations need to close their accounts in those places and never go back. Scoffers and scorners are not going to get better just because someone nice is there.

A rotten apple spoils the whole barrel. It does not matter how many good apples you put in the barrel, it does not make the rotten apple any better. Sometimes, women make the mistake of staying in the company of fools, in order to make the foolish wise, but they are usually outnumbered, and at a disadvantage. Do not risk the loss of dignity by belonging to  message boards or spending time with scoffers that have never changed. There are things to do in the home that are more important that will add to your personal dignity as a woman.

Polishing the Urn

by Daniel Ridgeway Knight

Older women need to be the primary example of dignity, but if there are none around, younger women need to study and prepare themselves to be the example to their daughters. Applying good conversation principles in knitting and crafting groups, ceramics classes, ladies Bible studies,  restaurants, tours, visits and online can help women attain honor. Often these groups encourage the revealing of personal family information, and some of the women in these groups are not good advertisements for the Christian life. With knowledge and skill, wise women can guide the conversation into things that are lovely, good and noble.

The Honeymoon Breakfast

by Daniel Ridgeway Knight

Definitions of Dignity

Websters 1828 Dictionary: True honor; nobleness or elevation of mind, consisting in a high sense of propriety, truth and justice, with an abhorrence of mean and sinful actions; opposed to meanness. In this sense, we speak of the dignity of mind, and dignity of sentiments. This dignity is based on moral rectitude; all vice is incompatible with true dignity of mind. The man who deliberately injures another, whether male or female, has no true dignity of soul.

Wikopedia: 1.The state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect- a man of dignity and unbending principle- the dignity of labor; 3.A sense of pride in oneself; self-respect-" it was beneath his dignity to shout."

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Figures of Speech in the Bible

Today, we use many figures of speech in our language to describe an experience or to give a greater meaning to something. When a person says that a scripture "jumped out" at him, he does not mean that the verse literally came off the page. He is using a figure of speech. I have just written about the worthy woman in Proverbs 31 being "clothed" in honor. This is also a fugure of speech which is used to describe the character quality of dignity. The worthy woman was  wearing a garment of dignity;  a spiritual attribute described as clothing. When you are clothed in something, you represent it, you are covered in it, and you have acquired that personality. The worthy woman has dignity so much in her it is as if she is wearing it.

The Bible is more easily understood when you see the many figures of speech that is used to give a greater meaning to a word or phrase. For example, when a Pharisee told Jesus to flee because Herod was going to kill him, Jesus said, "Go, and tell that fox....."   he did not mean that Herod was a fox. He was applying the attributes of a fox to Herod's personality. Perhaps he meant that the king was sly or sneaky. Some would call this personification of the fox and others might apply it as symbolism, Herod's personality being symbolic of a fox.

Below are a few (there are many more) significant figures of speech in the Bible:

Allegory

Ambiguity

Condescension

Hyperbole

Metaphor

Paradox

Personification

Symbolism

Talking Happiness

Painting by Alan R. Banks

American, 1948-present

click on painting for a more detailed view

Alan R. Banks was one of the artists whose work was included in the Russian art exhibit in Moscow.

Description of Painting: The subject is a woman wearing a long skirt patterned with gold and yellow flowers, a white blouse and  a white hat with a dark green band of ribbon around the crown. She is seated on a black, wrought iron bench in a garden, reading a book. Her expression is one of contentment and peace.  Behind the seat are delicate white climbing roses, and the sunlight makes a pattern on the path beyond to a lattice fence. The thick green grass looks like a soft carpet for her feet. Beyond her is a lattice fence and more roses.  What a wonderful place to find quietness, sweet scents, and happiness.

Every decade has its bad news. No matter where you live or when you were born, there is something tragic going on in the news. The great painters, though  living in perilous times themselves, still brought loveliness into the world through their work. 


If you are a homemaker, you have to consider yourself an ambassador of your own kind. A gloomy attitude towards life will discourage others from joining the wonderful world of homemaking.

Speaking in a positive way can make a day brighter for yourself and others. This poem expresses it well:

Note: When reading poetry, it is not necessary to pause at the end of a stanza or line. Read fluently, pausing only at the punctuation marks. You will find that it make better sense.  This is a great read-aloud poem.


Speech



Talk happiness. The world is sad enough


Without your woe. No path is wholly rough.


Look for the places that are smooth and clear,


And speak of them to rest the weary ear


Of earth; so hurt by one continuous strain


Of mortal discontent and grief and pain.






Talk faith. The world is better off without


Your uttered ignorance and morbid doubt.


If you have faith in God, or man, or self,


Say so; if not, push back upon the shelf


Of silence all your thoughts ‘till faith shall come.


No one will grieve because your lips are dumb.






Talk health. The dreary, never-ending tale


Of mortal maladies is worn and stale;


You cannot charm or interest or please


By harping on that minor chord disease.


Say you are well, or all is well with you,


And God shall hear your words and make them true.


by Ella Wheeler Wilcox, 1850-1919

The author in the Victorian era expressed the same problems in speech that we have today.  Complaining about life, reporting on every physical problem, and  lack of faith are things that each generation needs to overcome.

There is no denying that life on earth can get very upsetting,  but we are stuck here while we live, so we have to make the best of it.  Within your grasp there is probably a Bible, and in it contain the keys to happiness, whether the circumstances be dreary or bright.



Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding.  Proverbs 3:13

Behold, we count them happy which endure...  James 4:11

But if ye suffer for righteousness' sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled.  Ist Peter 3:14

There are of course, some people who will never be happy. They love misery and they want others to be miserable too. However, Christian women are not supposed to be speaking of  gloom and doom.  Since talk comes from whatever is in the mind, the solution is to think about things that are lovely:

According to Philippians 4:8, we are to "think on things" that are: true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtue and praiseworthy. 

To train the mind to think on those things, try substituting a cheerful thought for a depressing one, or a good story for a scary story.  Think of careful living instead of careless living. Spend some time creating a cache of lovely ideas, places, things, happenings and dreams, to substitute when you find your mind drifting into depressing thoughts. If you have gotten into the habit of thinking on the dark side of life, it will take some time to break it, but by substituting the collection of happy thoughts, beliefs and ideas, it can be done.

Some people have learned the art of taking "mind-vacations" where they think of places they would like to go and things they would like to do when they need some relief from the stress of the world around them. Others use pleasant little rituals, like taking tea using their best setting, at least once a day, to remove themselves from the cares of life that could otherwise cause dark thoughts. 

 There are those who just know how to keep a song in their hearts, so that when stress is levelled at them, they concentrate on the words of the songs they have stored up in their minds.  

 In times of tedious tasks, people who sing will find the job almost done before they know it, and they did not have to suffer from unhappiness while doing it. When we were children, we had to pick berries in the wilds, and it just seemed to take ever so long to fill our buckets. We found that singing all the verses of all the songs we knew, helped to lighten the work.  This is one way to substitute something lovely for something that seems difficult and tedious. Forward this video to 3.52 on the dial, and hear the wife of Itzhak Perlman say "If everyone sang every day, the psychiatrists would be out of business."

One lady I know has a unique approach to life. With this method, she has accomplished many things and overcome many challenges.   With her permission, I will quote:

"When I have endured any suffering or reproach, I go home and draw plans for a new house. After I have sketched the house, I build it in my mind and draw it on paper. Then, I go through books and catalogs and find all the furniture I like and fill up my new house. I pretend that there is plenty of money for whatever I want. I build a beautiful house and fill it with all the kinds of things I've ever liked.  After that, I fill the closets with clothes for everyone in my family, and get myself a new wardrobe too. Then I write out invitations to people I like,, to come and have a banquet with me. At each place is a gift for each person, and they all enjoy a very special meal."

 She is thinking on things that are lovely, pure, noble and good. She has not changed the bleak ways of the world, but she has controlled how it will effect her.  The author of "Auntie Mame" wrote, "Life is a banquet, but most people are starving to death." This is a figure of speech that means there is a way to be happy but many people just do not see it.

The Bible is a source for refreshment and relief when the rest of the world is full of confusion. It is now more easily accessible than at any time in history. Most people have it right at their fingertips in the form of E-Sword on their computers.  If you want to know the secret to happiness, just type in the word "happy," and see what the source really is. It has nothing to do with riches, honor, or worldly success. It has a lot to do with training the mind. There is no reason to be starving for happiness when it is available in abundance. The only thing you have to do is put these things into practice.

In talking happiness,  it is essential to think on things that are good and happy. That is what Philippians 4:8 is all about. Many people are exceptionally familiar with this verse, but very few people remember the promise that comes in the very next sentence. It promises that if you do these things, the God of peace shall be with you. Think of things that are noble, lovely and good, and peace will follow.

Besides thinking happiness, we must speak happiness. Our speech is a gift to others. We can lift them up or depress them. The poem mentions the problem of complaining about ill health. This is something I heard one woman call "organ recitals"--referring to the state of the heart, the liver, the kidneys, etc. during a meal.   It is always inappropriate to discuss bodily functions, details of your recent surgery (how much blood was spilled, etc.) while people are taking tea or eating.  It is more encouraging  to give a good report. (Philippians 4:8)

If you are involved in a regular Ladies Bible Study, you need to be especially careful to give visiting ladies a good impression. I have heard outsiders say of these classes that they would have enjoyed it better if there had not been so much bad news discussed among the ladies after the lesson was finished. 

Sometimes when people are in a group, they forget themselves and get carried away with topics that are not appropriate or uplifting. Everyone seemed eager to report personal details of their lives that are not encouraging, or gruesome details of things that ought not to be spoken of in public.  This kind of talk can be corrected by taking Philippians 4:8 into the mind and applying it every time you are tempted to say something that would give a visitor a bad impression of the Lord's church. Before you speak about unsavory things, look around the room and see if there might be anyone there who is weaker or who may not be edified by what you say. Be sure that your conversation is uplifting and beneficial without being macabre.

 An outsider will think that Christianity must be a miserable life, when all they hear is women in the church talking about horrible things. God's people are not supposed to be morose, fearful, complaining  or gloomy. They need to talk happiness and overcome the world.

View this Susan Rios Painting Here

I am reading an old book online titled, "The Joy of Living," by Orison Marden, written in 1913. In it, the author chides her own generation for worrying about the future, and speaks of ways to enjoy the present to the fullest.  At the beginning of chapter XXV , which is titled "Turning the Water of Life into Wine,  is written, "If it is a dark day, never mind. You will add to the brightness."