It is still snowing in many parts of the country. It always reminds me of the days when women were home, providing a real home life for their families.
In those times you had to be confined together indoors a lot, and the parents of that generation knew how to thrive. Although we had cars and trucks, it was important to stock up on supplies, because the road would become inaccessible. A snow plow would come through once in awhile, but you could not be certain when, and then your truck might not start. Parents would fill their pantries full of supplies so that they could make just about anything to eat.
Mothers thought it was important to keep children busy in useful things that would develop their imagination and skill. They invented creative projects made from the cartons and the boxes and paper bags that the groceries came in. Sometimes we had extra things such as paints and glitter. If we had none of those things, parents of that generation knew how to make substitutes. There was always a way to make paint and make things sparkle or glisten. Lacking coloured paper for a project, we took our crayons and made it. It was interesting to see the variety of things we could make without fancy supplies.
We did go outside in the snow and had a wonderful time.Coming indoors was quite a treat, and many a child can remember their mothers preparing hot chocolate from basic ingredients, and melted cheese sandwiches from home made bread. Mothers staying at home made quite a difference, for they were in no hurry and didnt mind making things from basic ingredients.
When I have time, I will make a replica of the set of dollhouse furniture that was popular in those days, from empty grocery items, which were painted and glued in a way to make couches and tables and chairs. Women of that time knew how to make a stage with a curtain, so that children could put on a play with paper bag puppits or puppits made with cardboard attatched to popsicle sticks.
Winter brought on illness sometimes, and it was then that our mothers shone. They knew how to make a bed tray with foods and drinks that were not difficult to digest, and provide a pile of things to cut and paste or read, while in bed. The tray had to be pretty and the food presented in a lovely way on the best dishes. Favorite books and magazines saved from months gone by, were put in a stack beside the bed. Usually there was a child's page in the womens magazines, and Betsy McCall paper doll had such pretty outfits and pets. The boys liked the outdoor life magazines and books their father's read.
These pleasant, restful activities were essential in recovery from illness. Some mothers knew how to bathe the child and change the sheets with the little patient still in the bed. When the children were sick, it also gave mothers a chance to sweep the floor and get the kitchen cleaned up. Children of that time can remember calling their mothers from their sick beds and having them drop whatever they were doing and go to their sides immediately.
Meal times were a highlight of snowed-in winters. In northern climates it often would stay dark the entire day, so these meals provided dividing lines to distinguish one part of the day from the other. It could get discouraging if the darkness at 8 o'clock in the morning was the same as 5 o'clock in the afternoon, so those meal times kept us cheerful and in touch with what time it was.
Parents believed that children who were fussy either needed a nap, or more work to do. They would say that if you had time to complain or fight, you had time to work. If children were bored, they also worked. There was always plenty to do and mothers did not feel that they had to do it all. Children helped with laundry and cooking and learned to do these things as soon as they were six years old. If mothers got sick, a child between the ages of 6 and 12 could manage the home and look after younger children just fine. That could not have been possible if it were not for these mothers at home who took the time to patiently show the children how to clear a table, wipe a surface, sweep a floor, wash and rinse dishes, wash clothes, cook and keep younger children safe.
This leads me to the more important subjects of women at home. Eventually, even mothers will be home without children, as they grow up and get families of their own. The presence of the woman is still necessary to give the home a feeling of love and warmth. As she gets older, she has to think of her health. Staying home, even with no children, brings out the feminine qualities in a woman: softness, sweetness, goodness, lack of hurry or worry.
I do not believe that children can have the proper physical, emotional, social and spiritual nourishment if they are not at home with mothers who are willing to spend the time with them. It is tragic that women today think that making money is more important, and they are depriving their children of these wonderful memories. I do not even think that debt is a good enough reason to abandon your home life and go to work. Your children will know that money is the foremost thing on your mind, and what is that teaching them?
What kind of childhood will they talk about to their children? One of being rushed from one institution to another, or a happy, carefree child hood free from worry and heavy responsibility? I truly do not believe that God intended for society to raise our children. He appointed parents to do this. I know a single mother with two children who is at home with her children and giving them the emotional and physical stability they need for their lives. Debt can be managed, by making arrangements for affordable payments within your ability. Daycare of any kind is not good for children, as they bring home the manners and habits of those who look after them. It is better for children to relate to their parents than their day care workers. In the end, it will pay dividends. I have often thought that when you send your children to others to be cared for during the most impressionable times of their lives, they will one day turn their backs on you and institutionalize you, because they will not have time for you.
Staying home at first will take some adjustment. You have to be a self starter and an independent worker. You have to learn to live without being regulated by a boss. You have to develop self control and personal determination. One purpose of having children is to teach parents. Parents learn to how to be parents by training and teaching their own children. They learn the things that the mothers of old knew, by being cooped up with them on winters days, and having to be resourceful. There is an old saying, "Necessity is the mother of invention." This means that when you are looking for something to do that will enrich your childs life at home, you might invent something to do that is completely your own idea. You will be amazed at what is available within the home, to teach and train children's character.
by Elizabeth Gardner Bougeureau (wife of William Adolphe Bourgeureau)
American, 1837-1922
Mother and Child
by Emile Munier
Mother and Child
by Frederick Leighton
Father's Return
by Frederick Morgan
Madras
by Edouard Boubat
Maternal Affection
by Emile Munier
My Peace
by Sterling Brown
A Mother's Joy
by Bessie Pease Guttman
Moonbeams
by Jessie Wilcox Smith
Sweet and Low
by Jessie Wilcox Smith
Mother and Her Three Children Awaiting at the Garden Gate for Father
Playing With Baby
by Julius Berg
An Interior With a Mother and Her Child
Mother Wishes Her Two Children Goodnight
Mother Love
by Walter Langley
Three Girls Praying
by Pam McCabe
(buy at Allposters.com)
There has been a lot of scandal regarding the current trend of employing nannies in our society. What a shame that a can-do people have become so dependent on agencies, schools, nannies and babysitters to care for and raise their children.
The artists have captured a natural picture of love that mothers have for their children. While some people think that you have to be rich in order to stay home with your children, these paintings do not depict wealthy surroundings. Doing simple, natural things, like showing something of nature to a child, holding them, and sharing the simple things in life is all that a child really needs.
Young women need to marry and have children of their own, rather than desiring to become nannies. They can then be the nanny for their own children. If young women spend too much time raising other people's children, they be discouraged from having their own children. Mothers need to take care of their own children, because they were created for it.
Mothers and children were made to interact with one another, and each one will mature and grow from the relationship they form with each other. It is not natural for a mother to go to work for someone else while she hires another person to look after her children.
Mothers, won't you please stay home with your little ones? They need you so much, and no one else will do! You are not replaceable. There is no substitute for the mother in the most receptive and teachable moments of a child's life.
I have read that some mothers who take their children to parks to play will see nannies with other people's children, and report them to their employers if they are neglecting the children in their care. Sometimes these nannies will be on their cell phones while the children are getting in harm's way in a play-park, or sometimes the nannies are just abusing the children.
A mother may be watching this and report a nanny to the employer (the child's mother) and the employer will fire the nanny. Then, the parent will hire a new nanny. In my opinion, it would be better to talk to the child's mother and impress on her the importance of becoming the child's own nanny and being a real mother by staying at home with her child.
Childhood is so fleeting, and mothers should be with their children in those formative years, doing simple things at very little expense. Women in the past have done it, with less comfort and less luxury than is available today. Our mothers thought that raising children was their duty and their responsibility and did not want to give the job to anyone else. There is an important influence that the mother has on her children, for she blesses them with her values and her beliefs.
Jane Austen (1775-1817) gave a low opinion of the nanny business in her novel "Emma," where a young, single woman named Jane Fairfax referred to it as the governess-trade:
"Governess trade, I assure you was all that I had in view; widely different, certainly, as to the guilt of those who carry it on; but as to the greater misery of the victims, I do not know where it lies."
There are certainly victims in the nanny business today: the women who become nannies can be held liable for injury or death of a child. A child in the care of a nanny is denied instant access to his mother, whom he needs in order to develop normally. The mother misses out on learning about her child's needs, and misses out of course, on the "firsts" of her child: first word, for step, first tooth, first waking moment, etc.
Gwen Webb wrote in her book, "Training Up A Child" (1977, The Old Landmarks Press) of a woman who kept on working even after her husband had found adequate employment. She had left her children for years, and even though she attended worship three times a week and heard many Bible lessons, she had somehow failed to be impressed with the importance of her mission of motherhood. In one of the Training Up A Child classes, Mrs. Webb implored the ladies to understand what God's expectations were for them as mothers. The woman's heart was so deeply touched, that she cried all night, and then resigned from her job with the airlines. It broke her heart to think what she had missed in all those years of leaving her children.
Later, she confessed that she was happier than ever staying home with her children and was leading a far more interesting life than she ever experienced while working away from home.
Mrs. Webb wrote in another chapter:
"No matter how highly a baby-sitting service has been assessed, it still leaves us with the fact that mother's devotion is superior to the best of child-care services."
She cited a conversation she had with a case-worker when she was adopting a child:
"Many of her professional services were rendered to juvenile court. Just a few doors away from her offices were courtrooms. As she talked, she gestured with her hands and said, 'In my judgement, the majority of the juvenile cases we deal with in the courts could be eliminated if mothers would return home.' "
Mothers have the important duty of teaching their children to believe in God and to pray and prepare for the life ahead. Who will do this if the Mother goes somewhere else for the main part of the day? God told the Israelites in Dueteronomy 6:6-8, to teach their children as they sat in their houses, as they walked by the way, as they lay down and when they rose up:
Now these are the commandments, the statutes, and the judgments, which the LORD your God commanded to teach you, that ye might do them in the land whither ye go to possess it:
And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
The duty was given to the parents, not to a substitute. They were not told to outsource their parental responsiblities. There is a lot more at stake than mere child care. A mother's presence is essential for the emotional and spiritual well-being of her children.
Post Script: I agreed to add this from an email I received:
It is even more shocking to see women who get degrees in "child development" and work for daycares and schools for children whose mother's work. These girls do not want to marry or have children, but they work all day with children. This is a bizarre twisting of the word of God, which states that young women should marry, bear children, and keep house (in that order!) Money is at the root of it, but no amount can ever replace a childhood.
Motherhood was once regarded in such high esteem that artists tried to capture the look and the feeling on canvas. Would any artist paint a daycare worker or a teacher with children in such a sentimental way as the paintings of Jessie Wilcox-Smith, Munier, Bougeureau, Bessie Pease Gutman, Frederick Morgan, Frederick Leighton, or Walter Langley? Those artists seemed to get mothers and children in real poses that still occur in real life when a child leans on his mother's knees, sits on her lap, or is cradled by her.
Money should not be the criteria in whether or not you stay home with your children. Be willing to live in something cheaper and maybe out in the country and get rid of the habit of trying to look trendy, with fancy clothes and shoes, etc. Cast aside the materialistic expectations and hold your children, read to them, talk to them as you do your housework, and notice every expression and every attitude, every movement they have. No social worker or day care worker or nanny can possibly be that interested in your child.There is no replacement for the mother.
Mrs. Webb also wrote in her book, "Training Up A Child":
Dear Daddy and Mother,
You have been very busy getting me ready every day for school. You say that it is very important that I get an educagtion. That is why you see that TV is not turned on until I have prepared my lessons for the coming school day. That is why you see that I get to bed early to prepare my body for the physical strains of school.
Yes, getting an education is a must, to prepare one for the social demands of this life; but tonight, Daddy and Mother, when I am asleep, won't the two of you tip-toe into my room and steal a look at my sleeping face? There may be a tear on my cheek, though my cares of the departed day have gotten lost somewhere in dreamland. Look at me, and ask yourselves how much spiritual education you are you giving me...Is it more important to be a doctor than to be a Christian?...Is it more important to be a nurse than an angel of God?...What kind of person do you really want me to be? Now is the time to educate me spiritually. After I have opened the door of adulthood, it may be too late.
Please, Daddy and Mother, I need Spiritual Education too, through regular Bible study and worship.
Lovingly, Your irreplaceable child...
If a child has a mother who is alive, it is she who ought to be caring for him day and night, not a nanny.
I grew up in an era where mothers stayed home with their children, and made great sacrifices to do so. These dear mothers did not care about personal career satisfaction or moeny-earning abilities. They cared about their children's safety and about what was going into their minds and how they were developing as human beings. They knew that emotional bonding was very essential to the whole child. If on occasion they had to get someone to stay with the children, it was a responsible older woman from the same community who already knew the family. The rare occasions would have been to help a sick friend, to attend a funeral, to go to the doctor or hospital themselves, or some other real emergency. These dear mothers were used to taking their children everywhere and including them in their lives. The children were so used to being with their mothers that the family could go to stores and restaurants easily and without a lot of fuss. This is because of the bonding between parent and child.
It is possible that mothers want nannies because they see it is the way of life today. But one by one, this awful trend can be reversed. If you are thinking of getting a nanny, please try first to find homeschool mothers on the web and learn how to live at home with your children. There are many good blogs that share this wonderful plan.
Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, but I will not forget thee. Isaiah 49:15
Do it yourself. In view of the strong individualistic nature of the people who once explored and settled this country, it is astonishing and sad that so many mothers are going to work and hiring babysitters to provide physical care for their children.
Remember the old saying: If you want something done right, do it yourself. You want your child cared for in the best way, you are the answer to your own child's needs; not a baby sitter, not a nanny, not daycare.
Allow the family to help, if they are inclined. Grandmothers want to help their grandchildren, and will be more likely to do so, if the mother is making an effort to stay home and live on the income provided by her husband. It has been a tradition for decades for the grandparents to contribute money to the family. This is what grandparents live for and what they want to do. It is what they have saved for and looked forward to all their lives. If a mother goes to work, the grandparents do not see a "need" as strongly and will not be as likely to give gifts, and decide to invest their money elsewhere.
Many women today can testify to the fact that the gifts from the grandparents helped them buy clothes and pay bills over the years when the children were little. As more mothers go to work, the older people do not have as the same incentive to help out monetarily. Families were made to work together to provide strong social units, yet many people reject this system in favor of other ways of providing for the emotional and physical needs of the children. This does not mean you should expect, or even depend on money from grandparents. It only means that birthday gifts and other special gifts are very helpful to young parents when children are small. Some parents think that if a mother stays home, there is only "one income", but forget to count the many times family and church members have given them money, food, clothes, and gifts, which helps to stretch the income.
Your child needs you during the most developing moments of his life.
A Mother and Her Two Children in the Garden
from Allposters.com
You may not think that having a babysitter or using daycare is "raising" your child, but raising children is a mixture of physical care, emotional care and spiritual care. Materialism today insists that as long as you are "providing" for your child by giving him food and a roof over his head, that you are "raising" him. Your child is more than just a physical human being with bodily needs. There is an emotional part of a child that is even more important than clothing or a nice house. Often, parents are more concerned about physical neglect than they are about spiritual neglect. Children who grow up with nice things but without a mother during the most crucial part of their lives, can lack important elements that help them to distinguish between wisdom and foolishness, right and wrong, understanding and dull- heartedness. There is a big difference in the mental capacity of those adults who have had a strong family upbringing, and those who were farmed out to daycare, schools, and in general, raised by institutions. Emotionally and spiritually, the family-raised children tend to be more mature and more able to grasp important concepts of life.
God created children and their mothers to bond. Look at the creation around you: even the animals keep their families to themselves and do not find other animals to stay with their young. This was illustrated many years ago in a poem about evolution:
The Monkeys Disgrace
Three monkeys sat in a coconut tree
Discussing things as they're said to be.
Said one to another, "Now listen, you two,
There's a certain rumor that cannot be true,
That man descends from our noble race -
The very idea is a disgrace.
No monkey ever deserted his wife,
Starved her babies and ruined her life;
And you've never known a mother monk
To leave her babies with others to bunk,
Or pass them on from one to another
Til they scarcely know who is their mother.
And another thing you'll never see -
A monk build a fence around a coconut tree
And let the coconuts go to waste,
Forbidding all other monks to taste.
Why, if I put a fence around this tree,
Starvation would force you to steal from me.
Here's another thing a monk won't do -
Go out at night and get on a stew,
Or use a gun or club or knife
To take some other monkey's life;
Yes, Man Descended - That ornery cuss -
But, brother, he didn't descend from us!"
- anonymous
Mother and Son
Be a Full Time Mother until your child is grown. To turn your child over to someone else while you pursue money or personal fulfillment, is to ignore the example of Mary and Martha, in the Bible. Jesus said that Mary, who was listening to the teachings of Christ, had chosen "the better part." If you are bent on making money, you are worried about many things. Christians are not supposed to be worried about the things of this world, but to be more concerned with obeying the scriptures, which teach mothers to guide and guard their children (Titus 2:5). When a mother stays at home with her children, she is choosing "the better part." It fulfills other scriptures, because the children learn to obey their parents, not a host of other people all day, (teachers, bus drivers, coaches, etc). While it is not wrong to obey other authorities, the child must first learn to obey his own parents. Many times when parents have a struggle with obedience in their children, they find that there are too many outside authorities distracting and dividing the child's focus on life. While a child lives at home, his first allegiance should be to his parents (Deuteronomy 6, and Ephesians 6).
from allposters.com
God made mothers especially to go with their children. The children were not created to be matched up with nannies and babysitters or daycare workers. Some mothers say, "My child will be just fine, because I have a good sitter. She will get good food during the day and have her diapers changed. My sitter knows how to keep my daughter safe. I pump my breast milk in the morning and then she has the best nutrition from her bottle while I am away."
This attitude shows a lack of awareness of the human soul, and the spirit of a child. Let me explain further. When a child feeds at the breast of his mother, he is doing more than just getting nourishment. There is more to it than just filling his tummy with the best milk ever created. There are other things that happen. It produces a sense of security and well-being. It promotes healthy sleep, heals pain, and strengthens the immune system.
You have heard of the current popular phrase, "separation anxiety"---well, that should never be, because the motehr and child were not designed to be separated. It is normal to feel anxious when mother is not around, and wise mothers will not leave their children while they pursue other things. Childhood is so fleeting. You will one day turn around and wonder how your children grew up so fast, and how it all happened in such a hurry. Savor those years and be content at home with your children and you will not regret it.
Playing With Baby
from allposters.com
The emphasis on physical care can often diminish emotional care. It is true that changing diapers, feeding a baby, bathing them, dressing them, playing with them, and even holding them, can be done by anyone. However, in the natural form of things, a baby is designed to bond with the mother, while these things take place. Even an adopted child, when treated as though he were a natural born child, responds favorably to this bonding.
While a child is being fed, he looks into his mother's eyes. While he is diapered, he looks up into his mother's eyes. When he is being dressed, he looks at his mother's hands and arms. When a mother holds her baby, the baby is aware of the special scent of his mother. When playing or holding the baby, he knows how his mother's lap feels. He instinctively knows the difference between his mother's voice and that of a babysitter.
A Child's Moments are not Replaceable. So what is wrong with getting a babysitter while you go back to work? There are a number of things that both the mother and the child lose, when this happens, but first, it is necessary to understand that no place of employment is more important than the care of your own child. The work you do is replaceable. You can train someone else to do your job, and then stay home with your child.
When you leave your child, you miss a lot of his life: his first work, his first tooth, his first step. It might not seem like much, but all this was intended by God to give happiness to the mother. When she misses out on this, she misses out on a certain part of her own personal maturity and development. Worry is at the base of it. If a mother has a husband who has a job, she should learn to live on his income and not worry about bringing in more, herself. Her job now is to care for her children full time. One day that time of her life will be gone, and she will wonder how it went so fast. While the children are home, mothers need to be home, too.
Many women worry that they will not be able to return to their place of employment if they are away too long, but the moments of a child's life are never, ever retrievable. While you may go back and pick up where you left off at work, doing the same job you always did, a baby grows and changes, and you need to grow and change along with your child.
Places of work and industries change over time. What might have been a promising career may be on the way out, as things change, or jobs are eliminated due to mechanization or lack of money. It is foolish to depend on a job being there for the rest of your life, or to think that a company will look after you financially all of your life. Some companies go broke before they can even repay the retirement funds that the employees have paid into it. Mothers need to focus on the emotional and spiritual investment they can make in their children, instead of worrying about retirement, benefits, and insurance.
'"Fear of man brings a snare," the Bible says," but he who trusts in the Lord will always be safe." Sometimes a mother will take on a job and explain that it is "just for the insurance." This is not necessary at all, when insurance is available for the smallest income families, and if they shop around, they can find something affordable. To go to work "for insurance" is to give your days and your life to a place of business while you give your children over to someone else who is in the child care business.
Children belong at home with their mothers. In the book of Proverbs are many verses which instruct parents to teach and train their children, and to instill wisdom and understanding and knowledge. Babysitters cannot do it. Nannies cannot do it, and daycare cannot do it. A baby may not be able to understand some of the deeper aspects of something like wisdom, but by staying home with him, he develops the wisdom of his mother: my mother loves meand is myfull time caregiver. When you turn him over to someone else, his wisdom is developed in a different way: a babysitter is the way we look after children. From a very tender age, a child develops his values from those he is around the most. Who will your child copy, emulate, immitate, look at, and obey?
One danger of having babysitters, nannies and daycare when children are small, is that it makes it easier to turn them over to the State for the remainder of their youth, to be indoctrinated in the government schools. Through daily separations, mother and child become more detached from one another and in the end there are two people related to one another without a real relationship.
Feminist indoctrination from youth can make a young mother feel that she must go to work and put her child in the care of a babysitter. She has seen her mother and grandmother do it, all her friends do it, and it looks like a normal course of life to her.
In some cases, women who have worked for many years and waited quite awhile after they married in order to get financially ready to have children, will only stay home after their baby is born for a few months, and then go back to work. These women have already worked, and "served their time" in the work place outside the home, having taxes extracted by government and state to support all the welfare programs and free things the state provides.
Why do they want to leave the child they have waited so long for? In some cases, it is a life of indoctrination, or belief, that causes them to go to work in the office and leave their child with a sitter: They may have mothers who were feminists and pride themselves on their degrees, which cost them a lot of money, time, and effort, which they believe they must put to use at all times. They raised their own daughters to get such a high education that they think they too should keep plodding away at work, while someone else stays home and enjoys the changes and the growth of their child.
Young mothers may also be steeped in feminism, which robs them of their natural instinct to be with their own children during the most teachable and impressionable moments of the day. Growing up in schools and colleges, they learn to be workers outside of the home, instead of workers at home, like the Bible says, and they outsource their own children to other workers outside of their homes.
They may also feel compelled to leave their daughter or son with someone else so they can retrieve the job they had, and keep it until retirement. They worry about benefits and insurance, more than they worry about the love they share with their children. Women's studies classes in major universities promote the idea of working rather than staying home just to nurture and teach their own children until they grow up. Surrounded by feminist mothers and grandmothers, other career women, and their friends from college, particularly the women's studies classmates, who believe that children are best developed in daycare and schools, mothers have a lot of pressure as well as "support" to follow this path.
The love of money, the Bible says, is the root of all kinds of evil. This is another reason that mothers leave their children, but in the quest for money to pay their rent or house payment, they lose something very precious: the natural closeness they would have with their children. They do not know how much they will need this in later years. They tend to think their children are just like other children and we are all one big family. However, each child was made to mentally and spiritually and physically bond with their own mother, not with a sitter or a nanny. No sitter can ever love your child the way that child is supposed to be loved. No one can provide the kind of bonding that God created just for a mother and her child. Christian women should not be like Martha, worrying about the physical things of life more than about the spiritual things. When they become more concerned about insurance, benefits and retirement, than they are about every growing moment of their child's life, they are not choosing the "better part."
I pray that all mothers that are leaving their children today will turn around and go home. If you will do what God says to do, you'll be provided for.Many women have done this, and found out that the sky did not fall, and they did not lose everything or end up living in a cardboard box. It is an opportunity to test your faith.
There are many women who cannot have children and long for them, desperately. They see young mothers taking their child-bearing years for granted, and leaving their children so that they can go to work. These childless women grieve at this. Some women wait a long time to have children, and would not dream of doing anything else but raising them. There is a time for everything. During your child's stay with you in your home, is the time to be home with them.
A Little Coaxing
by Bougeureau
To read more about the other benefits of breastfeeding, go here
My husband was picking up pieces of trash at the airport where he works part time. He found a folded piece of paper that looked like it might have some importance, so he opened it up and read it. He brought it home to me because he thought it said a lot about women who have inner turmoil and conflict with their consciences when they go against their own nature. This letter must have fallen out of someone's pocket when he was being searched, and had been in that pocket for almost a year, as it was dated February 2005. He used this example in his sermon this morning to show how we must put first things first, and how no child cares a whit about the brilliant career of her mother or the income of their father. What they see as real love, is the presence of the parents in their daily lives.
No one remembers the latest car they drove or the nice furniture, or the affluent neighborhood, as much as they remember the moments with their mothers. They aren't impressed with this as much as they are with their mother's hugs and knowing they are in the house with them at night. Children need long, carefree days at home, not worrying about being rushed from place to place, getting up at the crack of dawn to be transferred to some waiting place so mother can go to work. Child labor was outlawed a long time ago, but the stress that a working woman puts on the husband and children amounts to more stress than child labor ever embodied.
Sitting on a swing and enjoying the sunshine in their own yard is better than any organized sport that mothers could ever enroll them in, but working mothers want to be sure their children have the best of everything.
In the end, most of these children have a hole in their hearts for their mothers, and the husbands for their wives. It is one thing for a man to come home tired and discouraged, trying to wind down after a stressful day at work, but it is worse if they both come home that way. It is better that at least one of them are rested and feeling normal, so that it provides an anchor for the one who must battle the world during the day.
This is all more reason for the wife to be at home as a full time career. When my mother was young, no one had to argue with her about staying home to look after her husband and the house. It was just so natural, you just did it. Anyone who didn't was considered irresponsible, unstable and immature, thinking only about her own wishes and not thinking of others.
Feminists have done women much harm. They've made life harder for them. They promise them everything, and give them nothing.
These young mothers are torn between their brilliant careers and their children, and it is a constant tug at their hearts. Feminism has so little to do with what a real, successful family is all about. They reckon it is all about money. I've never met one yet who thought feminism was the right to be supported by your husband and stay home with your children--the right not to be pressured into going to work.
I'm going to copy this letter and hope that by now this woman has decided to choose home. I am printing it because I know it represents the feelings of hundreds of young women today who are torn between taking a once in a lifetime opportunity to work and travel, and the duty to stay with their husbands, houses and children. A woman is replaceable at work, but there is no substitute for the wife and mother at home. Only she will do. There is no one else better.She was taylor-made for that particular husband, that house, and those children.
Dear James, It seems we have it all right now; good marriage, family is now complete, beautiful home and great jobs. You know, 6 months ago this was to be the dream jobe: corporate position and travelling. It is a lot more difficult than I had ever imagined. Leaving you and the girls gets more difficult each time I have to go away. The one thing that makes it somewhat easy is knowing you support me 100%. I know we are trying to provide and give to our family in a way we didn't have growing up, and I am working hard to do that. I just want you to know this is harder for me than I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and all the experiences I have in front of me and I don't regret our decision one bit; it is just I want you to know how hard it is for me leaving you and the girls. I just hope in 10-15 years we won't regret working so hard and wish we spent more time with each other and the girls; that is the only thing that haunts me. I keep convincing myself that I won't, because we will be in a position to enjoy our lives, and provide for the girls in a way we had hoped and dreamed for. I love you so much and hope the next few days go by very quickly; give the girls lots of hugs and kisses for me. Tell them every night I love them and to dream of me. I will be dreaming of all of you. With all my love, Your wife, Jane
I have printed this because I think she speaks for a lot of breaking hearts out there--hearts that are not able to enjoy fully the pleasure of careers or their marriages and families, because they are divided. They are not able to put their minds fully to either thing. While at work, she dreams of her husband and children.
While at home, she cannot fully abandon herself and relax and be a dedicated wife and homemaker, because looming in the future is the next trip she will have to take on business. At work, she wants the days to go by quickly, yet it is a job she dreamed of. This is the conflict women have today, but I hope they will all come to choose the better part and put first things first. There are plenty of unmarried women and widows, as well as men, who can fill the spaces in these jobs, but there are not plenty of people to replace her role in the lives of her people at home.
We are opening up comments to this one. My husband says the saddest thing he sees when he works at the airport, is the childrens faces pressed against the windows of the airport, crying for their mothers who are on the airplane.
(The photo above is of the children who were with their mothers at the Homemaking Tea in our home a few weeks ago.)
My subject today addresses the problem of people who touch other people's babies and children. I do not remember this being a problem when my mother had babies, maybe because so many other people were having babies and had children around them all the time. It also may be that the grandparents were usually near one of their children and had plenty of grandchildren to look after. Now it seems people are baby starved. They continually reach their hands out expecting you to hand over your child to them.
They get offended if you refuse them when they hold out their arms for the child. They will even try to pry the baby out of his mother's arms.
This is a serious problem because mothers today do not want their babies or children handled a lot by other people, and they are sensitive about their children picking up some kind of virus or bacteria. Having sick children at home is a trial they do not like repeating unnecessarily.
I never had an insatiable desire to handle other people's children. I liked holding my own children, but I did not like it that people expected to hold my children on demand. Sometimes I saw a sneaky trick: when I gave the baby to its grandmother while I went to do something else, another person not in the family (maybe someone who came over to visit) would manage to get the grandmother to hand the baby to them. I saw it with the fathers, too, who were unaware of this trick. The mothers did not want their babies passed around but when someone saw the father with the baby, they managed to get him to hand the baby to them.
Mothers are holding
their infants quite close to them in wraps and carriers, but even then, people are so rude, they reach around and find the baby's head, foot, hand, etc. and stroke it. The parents get more and more frustrated at this rudeness. One lady had a sign she made that she attached to her baby's clothing, and it read, "Please do not touch my baby. Thank you for your consideration."
I saw one father that caught on to the way people were getting around his rule to refrain from handling his child. He stopped someone who was reaching for the baby, by putting his arm in front of them as a barrier, stopping them from further intrusion. Putting your arm between you and the grabby person is a good idea if you want to stop the invasion of folks who just have to touch your baby.
Also, there are people who, though they have been told they cannot carry someone's baby around, will poke the child or tickle them or constantly try to distract them, hoping the mother will give up. This is very rude.
No one has a "right" to hold a baby unless it is their own. Babyhood is so fleeting, and Mothers should cling to their little ones while they are little, and not be eager to let them go to strangers and other people, even in church. Your baby is not part of "the village" but part of the family. No one "owes" anyone the privilege of baby touching or baby holding.
I have seen mothers turn away from imposing people who are aggressively trying to grab their children. They cannot seem to see that the mother has given them the message of rejection by turning her back on them. Because of the sad fact that many people today just do not read your expression or your body language when it comes to the word "no", you might have to explain more forthrightly to a persistent person, that you do not want them to touch your children. We ladies do not enjoy saying things that upset other people or that ultimately put stress on us, but sometimes, we must, if we want people to refrain from being too bold with us and our children.
If you have anything to add to the subject, please leave a comment.
Also, type in "How To Handle People Who Touch Your Baby" and you will see it is a huge problem.
There could be other factors besides health and the welfare of the child, when considering how many people to pass the baby around to: what about that intricate bonding that goes on between the child and its own family---can it be interfered with by too much outside handling? We do not know everything about this. But one thing that has come to light is that a child who gets used to going with just anyone who holds out their hands, may not have good discernment later on, and may go with strangers and put himself in danger. Never despair of a "shy" child who just wants to stay with his mother! That child will be a safe child.
My opinion is based upon personal experience and observation. I do not think we owe someone a "blessing" by being forced to give our baby to be held by anyone who is just longing to hold a baby. Believe me when I tell you there are many teen aged girls who think they have a right to grab children, and they get very miffed when the mothers are tired of it and the baby becomes very irritable and cries because of all the handling. I do not subscribe to the idea that it "blesses" someone if you let them hold the baby. Taking the baby to its real and aged grandmother is different. I feel I may bless them.
There are many good homemaking sites around that encourage women to return to the home and to dedicate themselves to being wives and homemakers. A problem arises when the wife, though confident in the decision to quit work and become a keeper at home, has to battle the doubts and fears of her husband, who may not understand a woman's role. In cases such as these, it is always good to point out to him that you are not trying to rebel against him personally, and that is not your purpose to create strife between you, but to do what is good and right to do. Then, suggest that you both give it a grace period to work out the problems of adjustment, and show him what you can do.
Many young husbands have not grown up with mothers and grandmothers who were truly keepers of the home, and nuturers of the family. They see only women in the workplace. Their own mothers and sisters always worked, and they cannot remember a time when women stayed home. Therefore, they find it difficult to understand the need for it or the reason for it. They may conclude that "taking care" of a family means making money. The wife may say she wants to stay home and take care of the house, but he may think that making money is the same as taking care of something. We are entering a generation that is trying to emulate and restore the Biblical pattern and the model of women before us; the women of the 1800's, before so many women went to work outside the home, but we also have to deal with several generations of people who have never seen this style of life in action. The "show me" method is always the best way to prove that something can be done.
Husbands whose mothers and grandmothers worked, and who are surrounded by working women, may conclude that being a stay at home wife is nothing but laying around all day. One woman I know, had to take care of her husband once when he got sick and had to stay home from work. After she got him some soup and brought it to him, he wanted her to sit with him and talk or watch television. She said she could not do so because she had to get her work done. She very busy that day washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning the floor, going to the grocery store, and fixing meals. She said, "After that day, he never asked me what I did all day."
While I do not condemn any woman who works, I would ask that both the husband and the wife take a good, hard look at what the fruits of this really is, and compare it to the wife being at home. Years ago, a prominent author did some hands-on research, in which she interviewed many young men and women in prison. She discovered that none of them had mothers at home, and that both parents were very busy outside the home. She then interviewed those who had made success in their lives and gone on to become responsible husbands or wives, and were raising a family of their own. She discovered that their mothers had been keepers at home, waiting for them guarding them, and watching after their souls. She interviewed men whose wives were at home, and men whose wives were away. The ones whose wives were at home, were confident, healthy and happy. The ones whose wives were away, were rushed and worried.
Begin your new life at home by keeping the laundry caught up. Most marriages suffer when the wife cannot spend any enjoyable time relaxing with her husband because, after work, she has urgent housework to do. She finally lands in bed exhausted, after doing all the things that she could have been doing during the daylight hours when she was, instead, at work outside the home. The simple act of opening a drawer and finding a pair of matching socks, or a folded tee shirt, can take a lot of worry and tension off home living.
Next, learn to iron properly, a man's shirt. Have a look at people in jobs at airports and other places where there is an official dress code, and see where the creases are and and pressed areas. For instructions on how to iron a shirt, click here http://www.napsnet.com/fashion/68355.html Having a pressed shirt and pressed pants each day is one way of showing how your being at home is a help. Some people think that ironing is no longer necessary or important, but even if some kinds of jobs do not require it, pressed clothing is a part of good grooming and sends the message that you take pride in yourself and your work. He will feel differently in a pressed shirt, and be more motivated to do his best. In Victorian times, men would no sooner think of going in public in torn, wrinkled clothing, than they would attend a state dinner in a pair of shorts.
Showing results of your homemaking is a way of providing evidence that the role of women is a successful and necessary one. Thoughtfully prepared meals, a clean kitchen, well arranged rooms and good decorating, are an advantage to your husband. If you work, you cannot pay attention to these details.
Being at home takes part of his tiredness away, for when he gets up in the morning, he does not have to find clean clothes or put any in the washer, fish things out of the dryer, iron his own shirt, make his own breakfast, pack his own lunch. While he is at work, the wife can take care of his mail, pay his bills, and look after his property. She notices when she washes a shirt that it needs a button. She checks to see that she has everything in stock for preparing dinner. She may even plan a quiet evening at home with him, and his favorite interests or hobbies.
Making a list that shows the things that need to be done at home, is very helpful in informing the husband of the many needs of the home and family. Showing him what you accomplished while at home during the day can impress on him the importance and the necessity of the woman being at home.
The other day a package came to my door. I was outside and the delivery person did not notice that I was at home, so left it there. I was glad I was able to get in inside the house to protect it from the rain. Little things like this are very important, as it keeps you and your husband self-sufficient, instead of depending on others to look after your things.
If a husband comes home and smells something good cooking, it relaxes him almost immediately. If the house is orderly and it looks relaxing and comfortable, he will be glad that his wife is a homemaker.
Showing a savings of money is a plus, in being a stay at home wife. Consider that each time you take the car and leave the house, it probably costs you up to twenty dollars, taking into account the cost of fuel and the places you would stop. Instead of getting a $3.00 drink in a paper cup, you can make a pot of tea and drink it in a porcelin cup at home. The cost per cup is just a few cents. Staying home saves the family expense, because you can spot unnecessary expenses. For example, I found I could monitor the use of electricity and keep lights off when not in certain rooms, and use an electric heater rather than heat up the entire house with expensive propane. Not everyone can do this, but this is just an example of how staying home can save you money.
Still, even if the wife cannot manage all these things, her being at home does not have to be justified by cleaning and cooking, but because her very presence is the main factor in home living. Just being there, even if she is not well and can only lay down upon the couch, is doing what she is supposed to do: guard the home.
If the wife approaches her responsibility in a kind and loving way, expressing it as a way to not only make her husband comfortable and happy, but also to be able to be fulfilled as a woman, he will be more likely to concede.
post script: Your appearance does have something to do with the impression that is formed about homemaking. While it is not necessary to wear a power suit or the kind of thing you would wear in the workforce, you can use the opportunity to wear a nice skirt and a feminine top. Support hose and sensible shoes (sensible without being ugly, that is), will improve your own view of life at home and the perception that your husband has of you in that role. If he sees that it improves your appearance and your dignity, it will reinforce in his mind the importance of the wife at home. One old story written around 1930, called "When Queens Ride By," accessed online in several places. One is written in narrative, and easier to read, but at present I can't find the link to it. It tells about a woman whose husband wanted her to work outside the home, and how she refused to do so and why. A part of this play reads:
Saturday, January 07, 2006 When Queens Ride ByBy Olive White Fortenbacher[Note: This prize-winning short play was written in the 1930s, but it calls to us just as loudly today. What an influence one woman can have!]John and Jennie Mangrave had eager plans when they married and took over the old farm. But their great faith dwindled as the first years passed. John worked later and later in the evenings. Jennie took more and more of the heavy tasks upon her own shoulders and had no time for the home and children. They were no further on, and life had degenerated into a straining, hopeless struggle.One hot afternoon, Jennie was loading baskets of tomatoes to take to town when the children came running to tell her there was a dressed-up lady at the kitchen door. Wearily she followed the children back and saw a woman in a gray tweed coat that seemed somehow to be a part of her brownish hair. She was not young, but she was beautiful! An aura of eager youth clung to her, a clean and exquisite freshness. The stranger in turn saw a young woman, haggard and weary. Her eyes looked hard and haunted. Her calico dress was shapeless and begrimed from her work.Stranger (smiling): "How do you do? We ran our car into the shade of your lane to have our lunch and rest for a while. And I walked on up to buy a few apples, if you have them."Jennie (grudgingly): "Won't you go in and sit down? I'll go and pick the apples."Stranger: "May I go with you? I'd love to help pick them."Jennie: "Why, I s'pose so. If you can get out there through the dirt." (She led the way along the unkempt path toward the orchard. She had never been so acutely conscious of the disorder about her. She reached the orchard and began to drag a long ladder from the fence to the apple tree.)Stranger (crying out): "Oh, but you can't do that! It's too heavy. Please let me pick a few from the ground."Jennie: "Heavy? This ladder? I wish I didn't ever lift anything heavier than this. After hoistin' bushel baskets of tomatoes onto a wagon, this feels light to me."Stranger: "But do you think you should? Do you think it's right...? Why, that's a man's work!"Jennie (furiously): "Right! Who are you to be askin' me whether I'm right or not? A person like you don't know what work is!"Stranger (soothingly): "I'm sorry I annoyed you by saying that. If you were to tell me all about it--because I'm only a stranger--perhaps it would help. Why can't we sit down here and rest a minute?"Jennie: "Rest? Me sit down to rest, an' the wagon loaded to go to town? It'll hurry me now to get back before dark."Stranger: "Just take the time you would have spent picking the apples. I wish I could help you. Won't you tell me why you have to work so hard?"Jennie (half sullenly): "There ain't much to tell, only that we ain't gettin' ahead. Henry Davis is talkin' about foreclosin' on us if we don't soon pay some principal. The time of the mortgage is out this year, an' mebbe he won't renew it. And it ain't that I haven't done my part. I'm barely thirty, an' I might be fifty, I'm so weatherbeaten. That's the way I've worked."Stranger: "And you think that has helped your husband?"Jennie (sharply): "Helped him? Why wouldn't it help him?"Stranger: "Men are such queer things, husbands especially. For instance, they want us to be economical, and yet they love to see us in pretty clothes. They need our work, and yet they want us to keep our youth and beauty. And sometimes they don't know themselves which they really want most. So we have to choose. That's what makes it so hard. Just after we were married, my husband decided to have his own business, so he started a very tiny one. I helped my husband in the store, but we would both be tired and discouraged after a hard day at the office and we didn't seem to be having any great success. The house got run down and dinner was always a hasty affair, and soon we both started complaining and bickering with each other. Finally, we decided that maybe I should stay at home and let him take care of his work at the office as best he could. And then I worked in my house to make it a clean, shining, happy place. My husband would come home dead-tired and discouraged, ready to give up the whole thing. But after he had eaten and sat in our bright little living room, and I had told him all the funny things I could invent about my day, I could see him change. By bedtime, he had his courage back, and by morning, he was all ready to go out and fight again. And at last he won."
GUIDE, v.t. gide. 1. To lead or direct in a way; to conduct in a course or path; as, to guide an enemy or a traveler, who is not acquainted with the road or course. The meek will he guide in judgment. Ps.25. 2. To direct; to order. He will guide his affairs with discretion. Ps.112, 3. To influence; to give direction to. Men are guided by their interest, or supposed interest. 4. To instruct and direct. Let parents guide their children to virtue, dignity and happiness. 5. To direct; to regulate and manage; to superintend. I will that the younger women marry, bear children, and guide the house. 1 Tim.5.
The Letter, 1913, by Thomas Benjamin Kennington, England 1856-1916
God wisely provided mothers to train their daughters at home. A daughter should learn about home making, while standing at the elbow of her mother.
Mother-Daughter and Teacher-Student Relationship is Important:
There are several things that take place when daughters are taught at home by their own mothers. Firstly, they develop a relationship with the teacher, which is essential in any kind of worthwhile learning. A mother as a teacher is an authority that is tailor-made for the temperament of her children. If she has stayed home with them and nurtured them, discipled them, and taken responsibility to educate them herself, she is superior as a teacher, to anyone else in the world. A mother is a teacher who loves her child better than anyone else, for she has borne her and knows her from the cradle.
The Home Provides Whatever a Daughter Needs to Grow and Develop into a Future Wife, Mother and Homemaker:
Home is the best place for daughters, and there is nothing anyone else can provide for them that is greater than their home life. The colleges can't give them what they really need, physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
The military cannot give young women what they need to keep their marriages together and their children obedient and loyal.
Careers cannot give women the skills they need for home making. Any knowledge that these places claim you need, whether it be from the military or workplace, can be attained in other ways, if it is really needed.
Ministries are often large youth groups, where daughters are used for washing dishes and sweeping floors--work they could be doing at home, to help their own mothers. Though many claim that they are "counselling" or teaching younger people, they would still be better off under the care of their own families, rather than working in someone else's ministry. Ministries can be worse than the work place, in that they rarely pay the young volunteers. Parents often send money to support them while away from home.
These institutions do not support us in the belief that our daughters are raised to become wives, mothers and homemakers and should be home, practicing for that career. We must, therefore, stop expecting that any agency or person in the world outside of the home can provide the things our daughters need for life and godliness.
As soon as a daughter reaches her teen years, it will seem like everyone has their hand out, beckoning to her to come and join them in college, at work, the military, ministry, and apartment living with friends. These people want your daughter because they can profit from her in some way. If a daughter has learned from her mother to enjoy home making, she will have no trouble resisting the friends and relatives and church members who want her to leave home.
Rest by the Pool, by Friedrich Peter Hiddeman, Germany 1829-1892
Homemaking is a Spiritual Thing, Not Just a Mechanical Thing:
Daughters need to know that anyone can wash a dish or sweep a floor, but it takes a heart of love and concern for the family to become a real home maker. If home making is just a mechanical cleaning of sinks and cooking necessary meals, the heart of it is lost.
Study the Old Paths, See What the Good WalkIs:
Think about the things that produced a feeling of home, sweet home, in the past. It was the mother making homey things: sewing thoughtfully for her family's needs, and making her own table cloth and matching curtains. It was the daughters taking tea on a tray to a guest. It was the grandmothers who tended pretty flower gardens, which grown men can still remember in detail. It was the women who sat in a chair with her feet on a small stool, contentedly knitting, while her husband and children were around her.
Taylor Caldwell remembered the scene of her Aunt Polly's home: "I would visit Aunt Polly for the soothing joy of being in a real home, among soft voices and gentle music, among fragrances and graciousness, topping it off with a real British tea..."
We go into the past because there we find a record of many things that women did when women's place was proudly in the home. Things that factories produce today, women did at home to show their love for their families. Things like handkerchiefs, socks, shawls, sweaters, embroidered cushions, wall pockets, plant boxes, dish cloths, soap, aprons, painted plates, and much more, were lovingly hand made. Tables were lovingly set with plates and cutlery, adorned by hand made napkins. It was not so much the material things that made the house a home, but those humble touches, which made the memories, which made the home feel so differently than it does in our fast-paced world.
One reason I place the 18th century paintings here, is for a peer into the work and leisure time of families, when the women were home focused.
Home is a Place of Freedom to Develop Interests:
The Home Quartet, 1882, Mrs. Lushington and Her Daughters, by Arthur Hughes, English 1832-1915
Home is the best place for grown daughters to develop talents. No other place can provide the kind of atmosphere and encouragement needed to pursue her different interests. I have seen the productiveness of daughters at home. There, they are free to make a beautiful quilt, sew a pretty dress, design a scrapbook to display family memories, make cards and gift-baskets. Music is a wonderful by-product of daughters at home. I have heard sisters sing in harmony while washing dishes. I know women whose homes have that wonderful, homey feeling, because of the talent of their daughters. There is more time at home to perfect these talents.
A Daughter's Presence Warms the Home:
Many women can recall the bleakness of the neighborhood when women went to work, en-masse. Going for walks was a cold and lonely experience, when passing darkened houses with no homemakers to light the home. Daughters at home make it a bright, homey place just by being their for their Papas and Mamas, to provide a pot of tea and serve a snack. I know some girls who are not particularly interested in hobbies, like painting or other arts, but they love to keep house. They get their buzz from seeing a clean floor or a polished table; a cooked meal and a freshly arranged bouquet of garden flowers on the coffee table. There is nothing wrong with that. They will always be happy, as long as there is house work to do. Others find some kinds of work tiring, and will need to have the perks of fancy work or pursue artistic and musical interests. It does not matter, as long as they know that the care of the family and the keeping of the home is what God expects of them. To neglect it is to put God's Word in a bad light.
The Test, by Thomas Armstrong, British 1831-1911
The Privacy of Home:
It is important for daughters to be at home to protect their own privacy. At college, a work place, in an apartment with other girls, in the military, and even in a ministry, there is gossip and false teaching. Remember that the world does not support the real needs of the young woman who has been taught to pursue the Biblical excellence of being a wife, mother and homemaker. If she has been taught these things, there is no reason for her to leave home, except to go into her own home some day when she gets married.
No Need to Ask, "What Will I Do Now That I'm Grown?"
If a daughter has eagerly developed the art of homemaking, there is no need for her, or her mother, to ever ask the question, "Now that I have finished my home education, what should I do? " for she will be busily putting to practice the many things that she has learned. Grown daughters can now let their mothers rest and re-create with their own past times, by doing much of the housekeeping.
Colleges cost a good deal of money, and even the scholarships are not completely free. The little it prepares a girl for a long-lasting marriage and the skills to have a stable home life, it would be better to use the money, if the parents have it, to give to her at her wedding, to help with a down payment on a house.
News From the Front, by Alexander Rossi, Italian, 1870-1903
Look to the Homes, to Find the Wives:
Men who are looking for wives, should inquire of parents if they know of any parents with daughters at home. College, the work place, the military, and sorrowfully, even churches, are not providing the kind of women whose goal is to get married and raise up a generation for the Lord. If you are a man, hoping to find a homemaker for a wife, you will not likely meet her at work, because she will be home with her mother. This is the training ground for future wives. The college is not. The military is not. The workplace is not, nor are ministries or apartment-sharing friends. Women who are learning to be wives, mothers and homemakers, will be at home, helping their mothers, until they are in their own homes with their own families. Young women who have been home, caring for her own family, will adjust more easily to caring for their husbands in their own homes. They will have had the training and the practice that makes it natural and easy to be contented at home.
Expect Insults and Intimidation:
Home is where God put the family. There are forces that have always worked to destroy the home, so that children will no longer respect their parents and follow their guidance. We should always hold on to high standards regarding the responsibility toward daughters. The rest of the world does not think this is "healthy" and wants to separate these young girls from the care and protection of their fathers and mothers, to get them under the control of colleges, employers, captains, ministers, and friends.
God placed parents in their lives for more than just feeding and clothing them and teaching them up to a certain age. As parents grow older, they become more wise and wary of the snares of the world, and are able to advise their daughters better than anyone else. You can expect a lot of resistance to your beliefs, so do not be astonished at the tactics that are used to intimidate you.
Those Phrases:
Such phrases as: "Don't you think your daughter is old enough to decide for herself" really mean, "I want to decide for your daughter. College recruiters want to decide for your daughter. The military wants to decide. The ministry wants to decide." When you hear phrases like that, you know that they are trying to get the daughters out from under the teachings of their parents, and get them in their college, their factory, their office, their army, their ministry, and their apartment. No one decides for themselves. Either they decide the way they are taught, or the way someone else has taught. There is nothing new under the sun,
Another phrase, "It is none of your business, now that she is 18" is designed to put you off so that they may insert their agenda for your daughter. They say it is none of the parents business, but they are making it their own business. The Bible says to train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. The college recruiters (usually a handsome young man recruiting young women, and a pretty young woman recruiting the men) do not believe that your daughter should continue in the homemaking way she was trained. The military does not want her to stay home and follow the way she was taught; the ministries do not support the family in their efforts to teach their daughters to be keepers at home; the workplace will not reinforce the way she should go. They are all telling her to depart from it. There is no substitute for the government of the home. It is mighty. It produces sons and daughters that marry, have children, practice a religion, make a homelife, and teach their own children to do the same. The family has a right to train up their children in their own beliefs. The world does not think the grown children should continue in the way they were taught. They think they should depart from it.
A Mother's Duty:
As a parent, you are obligated to guide your daughters into the right way of life. The Bible says that younger women should marry, bear children, and keep house, in that order. The world says that young women should spend their youth in colleges, workplaces, military, ministry and apartments. This is a waste of good womanhood, when it should be used to strengthen the home.
The Bible, The Ultimate Guide:
One can present all kinds of reasons for daughters to be home under the care of their parents, but the Bible is our last stand. There is no example of sending daughters off to work, to the military, to college, or even to ministry, just because they are not married. That is a 20th century plan, and a trend, which needs to be unsettled and thoroughly refuted.
Things Daughters Need to Be Doing:
1. Continuing in the good homemaking habits they have been taught by their parents.
2. Making their parents home a clean and lovely place. A mother with more than one daughter ought to have the nicest, cleanest, prettiest house. A large family should not mean a messier house, if daughters will do the work.
3.Making things for their mothers and her home: clothes, quilts, decorative items. They can also make things to sell, like the Proverbs 31 woman. Remember, she gave her products to the merchant, to sell. She did not sit around all day in a shop.
4. Start getting curriculum ready for future children.Make Bible lessons for littleones, complete with little illustrative crafts. Begin a notebook with things in it they might use.
5. Make her wardrobe. If marriage comes suddenly, she will not have time to sew, and if children follow quickly after that, she will be glad she had plenty of clothing.
6. Keep her own room clean enough for it to be a good testimony to her homemaking skills.
7. Learn new skills: ceramics, sewing, knitting, painting, making things from nothing, cooking from basic ingredients and not mixes or cans.
8. Learn to manage money and to substitute no-cost things, such as making cards and gifts, or making her own curtains.
For further research, some readers might find this of interest: The Mis-Education of Women
Tooley, British professor of education, takes to task the U.S and British educational systems for succumbing to feminists in the last 30 years and misdirecting young women into early careers instead of marriage and motherhood. The result is what he calls the "Bridget Jones syndrome," young women suddenly realizing they're squandering their prime opportunities to marry and reproduce. Refuting educational policy in the U.S and Britain that promotes gender equality, Tooley argues that boys and girls are different and should be counseled differently on life and career choices. He counters the arguments of famous feminists Simone de Beauvoir, Germaine Greer, and Betty Friedan with Bridget Jones' Diary and vignettes of unhappy young women who have sacrificed personal lives for careers. Echoing Friedan, Tooley announces that the "problem that has no name" is the misdirection of feminism. First published in England to scathing criticism, this book is sure to spark vociferous debate in the U.S. as well. Vanessa Bush
