Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Is It Too Late?

Spring Daydreams by William Magnum (allposters)

When women realize that they were not taught the natural alternative to the feminist agenda ,they want to be home and do all the nurturing and baking and homemaking things that they missed out on. They see their families getting older and wonder if it is too late for them to do the best thing. Then, they wonder how they can reclaim “the wasted years, which the swarming locusts have eaten.”*

Locusts could so completely destroy whatever food was growing, whether it be fruit trees or crops, that it would not grow again for some time. Yet the Israelites were assured that the years that it would take to recover from that spoiler, the locusts, would be restored, as if they had not occurred. That is like, if you will, a person who has lived carelessly with his money for a long long time, and then upon learning a better way to manage his finances, recovering quickly. In fact, he lives so abundantly that when he tells people, "I was once in debt, had nowhere to live, and job." The way he looks and lives would make it difficult to believe. Since he went in a different direction in his life, he reaped the rewards of a lifetime.

In the same way, a homemaker can live in such a way as to fill in all those gaps she missed while working, so that others will cannot even imagine her ever being away. I met a wonderful woman once who had a lovely home, and although it was modest and she was not rich, she managed to have well behaved children and a good marriage. I asked her what her secret was and she said, "I came home after several years as a lawyer. My life just gets better and better. Before, I had a terrible marriage and couldn't manage my home." I was all astonishment. She was such a natural and her family was obviously so well loved and attended to that she must have been doing it for a lifetime.

Sunlit Path (

When you pack up your things and come home for good, do not worry about how you will catch up. You will find that your decision alone erases a lot of the grief and loss of those "wasted years that the swarming locusts have eaten." Most women find their paycheck is eaten up by the time they get it, anyway. That is certainly like the effect of the locusts on a land.

Secret Garden by Gabriela (allposters)

A parable is told in Matthew** (a parable is an earthly story with a heavenly meaning) about a man who owned a vineyard. At various times throughout the day, he hired laborers. Those who were hired first agreed to the wage they would receive.

In the evening, he paid off the workers. The ones who came first were given the same wage as the ones who came first. The parable of course refers to the fact that even if a person were to wait all his life to do what was right, he would still get the reward.

Please don't get any ideas about being lazy and then wanting the reward at the last minute. This parable was talking about sincere people who were not hired at first because they did not know where the harvest was.

In the same way, sincere women who realize they have missed out on a lot of years with their families at home, will find that they catch on quickly to full-time homemaking and seem to overcome those lost years.

I used to think that children should learn to read by the age of 6 or they would be "behind." When my own children did not read until they were 9 or 10, I discovered that they enjoyed their new skill so much, they quickly caught up with, and surpassed the standard. When others heard them read fluently from the KJV Bible and classic literature, they assumed they had been reading since babyhood. A new homemaker who has not had marriage and homemaking bred into her during her youth, will find she quickly graduates from point to point until no one would believe that she just quit work a few months ago.

Is there anyone who would say upon seeing an autumn rose that it was not as delightful as one that had bloomed early in the season?

Although many people will not become Christians til later in life, God has promised they will still get the reward of Heaven that the lifetime Christians will get. However, let us not make the mistake of thinking, "Well, if the results are going to be the same, I might as well waste my youth, and live my life as I please. It looks like it all comes out even in the end." The fact is, that even though the late-comers will enjoy success in marriage, home and family, coming home early has many more advantages:

Years of getting to know your own children: really looking them in the eyes and learning their moods to discern where correction and encouragement is needed. Children shuffled from daycare to home in their childhood really miss out on the wonderful, quiet moments at home. As I said in my book, "Just Breathing the Air," my mother often said that her childhood, though one in poverty, was "one, long, golden summer." It cannot be like that for children if the mother is not with them.

-Years of learning to manage the home. Some women will work til they have a child and then come home, and find it all very overwhelming. If they would stay home from the very beginning, (see the story, "When Queens Ride By,") they would learn to manage just two people (the husband and wife) and when they became three, they would have a lot of tasks on automatic drive. The baby at home would only be a small adjustment.

-All that time as a fulltime homemaker helped her develop patience and understanding. Changing diapers to her was not "a mindless job" as her young friends would claim, because she is helping someone who is helpless and developing a bonding with her child at the same time, a bond that, with proper care, will benefit her later on in life.

-Really learning about things like nutrition and food value, and ways to be frugal. When a woman works for years and years and then comes home, it is harder to adjust. That does not mean that she cannot do it. It just means that she didn't have the time to really develop cooking and homemaking skills that she needed when she quit work. There will be a lot of trial and error to coming home full time. She won't be used to making her husband's salary stretch. She may not have picked up any frugal habits. She may not know how to be resourceful. She may not have taught her children all the reasons they should keep the lights off in rooms not being used. She may not understand how her life at home can make or break her family. This is a good reason to raise up daughters who have a good understanding of home life.

When you come home at the last hour, you miss out on years and years of memories and blessings. That is not to say that a woman cannot come home later and have some reward. Of course she can, but let us not be careless. Let us pass on these values to the younger generation. Teach your daughters not to overlook their child-bearing years. Teach your children that the time to be home having a family and managing a home is in the beginning, not the end.

We have all seen the heartache of those elderly women who, through the influence of feminist talk, believed they shouldn't be "just a homemaker" and went to work most of their lives. Later, they retired, and there was no family to come home to. Not feeling needed, they went back to work. We reap what we sow. If we can be dedicated to the family, even if you have only a husband and no children, or only children and no husband, you will get back that investment in later years.

When home, you can learn as you go, just like a lot of people did. When I first began home schooling my children, I had no clue how to do it, but I knew it was the best thing for my family. I began to teach whatever was needed at the moment, from how to bathe and dress to how to formulate proper words (diction). When starting out, all you need to do is observe what is needed at the moment; what the most important thing is that needs to be done. Is it a meal, an ironed shirt, a made bed, the organization of paperwork?

Once you begin to see how a day goes, you will fall into your own routine. Your husband may come home at 4 p.m. and you will find yourself busy preparing a meal in anticipation of that. Maybe he leaves for an appointment at 9 a.m. In preparation you will need to see that he has clean clothes available.

Eventually, instead of doing things at the very last minute, you'll find it necessary to prepare hours and even days ahead. That gives you more free time to do creative things, write to your mother, show hospitality to someone, or do essential shopping.

One of the best examples I ever watched was a woman from Britain whose mother was an excellent homemaker. This daughter had developed habits without knowing it, just from the home life she had, observing her mother. When I stayed in her home I noticed that she had plenty of leisure time. She rarely had huge jobs to do or had to "climb out" of a pile of work. She managed this by never making a wasted motion in her house.

Once, she and I were going to watch a movie in her sitting room. As I was being seated in a comfortable chair, I noticed that on her way to her own chair, she straightened up a stack of books, removed some old papers, and put away a sweater that someone had left. Later in her kitchen, she did the same thing as we were merely walking through. If she were to go to one end of the house, she would surely take something on the way, or find something to put away somewhere else. She never saved up work for a cleaning day, but she was not always cleaning!

In my own home, I've had to learn the skill of not creating more work for myself. Instead of getting out an entire set of pots and pans I sometimes cook in one pan, beginning with the hardest to cook item, and ending with the food needing only minimal cooking. Instead of using an entire set of measuring cups and spoons, I measure out the dry ingredients in one big cup and then the liquid ingredients. One cup to wash is better than 4. Mixing and patting baked goods in one pan is also a time saver. It is not necessary to always do this, but it is good to know when you are creating more work for yourself than necessary.

The homemaker also needs to enlist the help of the other members of the family, as she is not there to do everything, but to guard and guide the home and to see that it gets done. Even if she cannot manage it altogether, and is not a particularly good cook or a brilliant teacher, just her very presence, and her attempt to be on her throne as manager of the home, will make a big, big difference in her own life and the lives of those around her.

*Joel 2:25

**Matthew 20:1-15


Anna said...

Wonderful post as usual! Thank you for encouraging us so faithfully!

Brenda@CoffeeTeaBooks said...

Great post!!!

Just Me said...

Lady Lydia,

My mouth DROPPED OPEN when I read your post. Just yesterday when I was driving home, I repented of my selfish, feminist ways and begged the Lord to restore “the wasted years, which the swarming locusts have eaten.”

I am stunned. I feel as though your post was a direct answer to prayer.

I am 41 years old. My son is 16 and my daughter is 10. I have wondered at times whether or not it is "too late".

God bless you, Lady Lydia. I will cling to the hope in this post.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for the encouraging post! I especially liked this line:

"Even if she cannot manage it altogether, and is not a particularly good cook or a brilliant teacher, just her very presence, and her attempt to be on her throne as manager of the home, will make a big, big difference in her own life and the lives of those around her."

We don't have to be perfect. Just being home and trying our hardest at all we do is making a huge difference. A good thing to remember when the world is constantly telling you that you are wasting your time and skills and your children would be better off in daycare anyway.

I do wish I had stayed home before we had children though. That would have been very helpful. Oh well, can't change the past!

Thank you again. ~Ann

Lynn said...

A beautiful post, as usaul - many thanks - I know I shall be returning to read this again.

Anonymous said...

This is wonderful! Inspiring...encouraging...& very thought-provoking. So often I visit your blog, & come away feeling refreshed & ready for the work ahead. Today's post is just that for me.

many thanks,

Nadege said...

** Off topic**

I was unable to access "When Queen Rides By" - an error message appears.

Nadege Armour

Lydia said...

I just changed the link to "When Queens Ride By." It is also a show on DVD which was quite good, made in black and white, on the Loretta Young Show. It has "Letters to Loretta" and several other half hour shows. I did see the show when it first came out, and it followed the play very well and was very touching.

Cherish the Home said...

What an encouraging post! Posts like these is what makes your blog so unique and special. You are very good at painting beautiful word pictures.

Thank You!

Lydia said...

Lady in the Making: I thought you were one of the ones that requested that subject be addressed.

Anonymous said...

This has indeed encouraged, though in a different sort of way.

My sons are 8 years old and have only been in our family since October of 2007. There is so much lost time for which to make up, spiritually, emotionally, academically, everything.

Thank you - these roses that will bloom in autumn will be just as beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Your words are so eloquent. A balm for my soul today. This could have been written for me. I started staying home last May and I can't believe it has only been 9 mos. It seems like longer. I have battled regrets (about working) but after reading this, I am feeling better. I have learned so much and my dh calls me "Suzy Homemaker." I am not insulted by that. He is saying that he is proud of me and the job I am doing now. Oh how I wish I had had someone like you to encourage me when I was in my early 20's.


Tracy said...

Wonderful post!

Just Me said...

Dearest Lady Lydia,

Yes, I was one of the ones who requested that you would address this topic. :) You certainly did not disappoint. I have several of your posts printed out and inside of my household notebook. Thank you once again, from a grateful heart.

Anonymous said...

"and her attempt to be on her throne as manager" - isn't this the feminist type talk that you are so against? Isn't the husband the head of the house? Seems like you're saying here that the woman is the head (as we all know the one on the throne and the manager is the head). Just wanted clarification

Anonymous said...

Wonderful post, thank you.

Lydia said...


I notice you are also on a Christian blog where you start endless arguments. I have deleted a lot of comments from you but I will let this one stick for the sake of being fair. I would like everyone to be wary of this poster if you don't want to get embroiled in the problems listed in I Timothy 6:4 .(doting about questions and strifes of words that produce envy, strife, railings, perverse disputings, etc)

Now here is my answer. If you have any knowledge of life in the past, a kingdom usually consisted of a king and a queen. The king had his throne and the queen had her own, smaller more dainty throne. She had her duties and he had his. The queen was the wife of the king and although she had a lot of power and influence in the kingdom, she deferred to her husband if there was any conflict over a decision. That did not mean she gave up her throne, nor does having her own throne, or her place in life mean she usurps the authority of her husband. If you have thoroughly read articles on this blog you know that I've shown women that as queen of their own domains, the home, they are further ahead than if they tried to work their way up in a business. At home, they compete with no one, for God has given them a job already and no one else was given permission to dethrone her.

Even if you are single and have your own place to live, you are queen of it, are you not? If you should get married (although in your case, I would not advise it. Your critical attitude will drive a man away and ruin his life), your husband would be king but you would still be queen. Have you ever heard of a kingdom where a queen got married and stopped being the queen?

That being said, I would like to point out to you that the implication of the entire article was to share with women who had not been home how they could overcome the feeling of loss and get busy reigning on their thrones as queens of their own homes. That is a position that feminists tried to take away from women, putting them instead outside the home in instutitons and factories, where they would not see their families during the day. You have an amazing ability to pick out the tiniest little thing and capitalize on it for the sake of argument, as many of your deleted posts show. In the future you will have better luck getting published (see "for Newcomers, the last 2 paragraph,where I tell you how you can get your comments posted) if you will first try to figure out the main theme of a post is and do not get caught up in the details. I did say a few years ago in a post that reading a book or article was like looking at a painting. When you back up and look, you see the effect of the whole picture, but if you get caught up in the brush strokes, you see some going in different directions and it does not seem to make sense. So, dear Kristy, don't get caught up in the brushstrokes.

Some may wonder why my tone has been firmer with feminists and arguers lately. After some time of babying them, I realize that people who have an argumentive and hard heart will only milk you dry of your generosity and time and will only get worse. They are like little children: if they do not respond to the kind explanation at first, you have to be firm with them or they will aggravate and wear you out. Even Jesus was firm with some people who were only trying to trap him with questions Most everyone can tell when a question is a resentful challenge or a sincere quest for truth.

Anonymous said...

I know I have written this about ten times on this blog already, but here I go again...

I will never understand why people go looking for things that they don't agree with on the internet. There is so much out there! If you don't agree with a blog's main premise, then why would you read it? Find things that uplift YOU, that help YOU become a better person.


Lydia said...

Ann, they read things they don't agree with because it is much more interesting than their own view, and arguing is a hobby. Some people do not sleep unless they do mischief.It becomes an automatic response to argue and be critical, whether it improves them or not.

~~Deby said...

Eloquently written and I too am thankful that in a firm and tactful way you are not backing down to wolves in sheep's clothing. Press on dear woman to what you have been called to do. The Lord will take care of the rest.

Rosemary UK said...

I am always picking things up and tidying away as I go about the house,and when I am out walking in the countryside, I pick up twigs and dead wood for kindling and pick flowers or fruit.My daughter once asked me why I do this.I replied "My Mother said to me when I married and started housekeeping.never waste a journey,always notice things that need doing or collect useful items"For forty years I have followed her good advice,which she is still putting into practice aged 87 years.

NHizName said...

I love this post...and thanks for the link to John MacArthur's message...he is one of my favorites....

Anonymous said...


the purpose of Lady Lydia's blog is not to debate various view points or discuss theology. This blog is rather meant as a support group for like-minded ladies who already agree on basic things. Lydia doesn't normally publish comments which she thinks can stir a heated discussion.

If you like to debate things, you could go to a place which is specially meant for debating and where people love it. May I suggest this blog to you:

He never moderates or censors and you can debate there as much as you wish. It's a Christian blog which deals with various subjects including the influence of feminism on modern society and I think it will be interesting for you.

Lydia said...

Yes, Kristy/Kristie, do visit Vox Day. Also, I have rejected your last 4 argumentive comments. I only posted this one because it was not as argumentive as the other ones. I've called on other ladies to reject your comments. At first you appear to be some innocent who "just wants to know" but later you turn everything into a debate. No one appointed you to "make people think" as you put it. No one appointed you as a special missionary to my blog to enlighten me with your particular religious view. You can get your own blog and spout off whatever you like, and I would encourage you to do that.

JKaye said...

Thank you for this posting. I am 52and have just started staying at home full-time in the past year. I sometimes feel like a failure because I don't know how to budget my time and our money well. But, I also felt like a failure in the workplace, because there were many hardships and I just didn't love it as I was led to believe I would.

Thank God I recently discovered blogs devoted to keeping the home -- God knew I needed help! Now it's just occurred to me that I am not a failure as a homemaker -- I simply am not yet trained. I went to high school and college in the 1970s, so you can be sure I was not being taught about homemaking at school -- nor from my mother, who loved going off to work each day. (She told my sister and me that we could learn how to cook and do laundry by trial and error after we got married. Nothing like serving up a big dish of trial and error to a new husband!)

From this posting, I can see that I need to change my way of thinking to something more positive. Instead of thinking of myself as a failure, I can think of myself as queen of my home! Instead of being one among many workers in an office, I am the only one who can perform my duties! I just never would have thought of that on my own!

The thing is, not only was I not trained well to be a homemaker, I didn't get such good training to be in the workforce. Feminists and Hollywood try to make the role of the working mother -- particularly the single mom -- look so glamorous. As someone who was a single mom for most of my children's childhood, I know firsthand how unglamorous it is. It doesn't seem like feminists have really helped homemakers or those who work outside the home all that much.

Thank you for this post -- believe me, I will not waste everyone's time nitpicking and debating over this little point or that. I am thirsty for knowledge.

Unknown said...

Growing up as a farm girl was a blessing. I have been in the work off and on and hated it. My place is at home. I loved your article and it has many fine points. If society would stop making women feeling guilty about working at home there wouldn't be a need for this post. But yet I hear people commenting that the hardest job they ever had was being a parent. Stop thinking your children need every toy on the market or making them doing chores isn't child abuse families would be alot happier.

I had mixed feelings about my hubby's business because I would get stuck helping all the time. I didn't think this was right. I felt like a working mom and didn't like it. But because I have things running smoothly in the house and I am not helping 24/7 I was right were I am suppose to be. My children are learning how to take care of things. They are learning responsiblity and working as a family. As they get older they are helping in the shop. This teaches my sons what hard work is to make a good living some day and my daughters to appericate that her hubby provides for her some day also. As our business increases we find it very hard to find good employees to work for us. This is a shame. Parents need to be good role models for their children to follow. As parents we need to guide our children in these roles. It is never to late to teach our children. Mothers that come home can express their happiness by action and praise how wonderful it is to be home taking care of her children. It is a very good idea that they hear it also.
Once again you put words to a picture.

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! I was never taught how to run a home and am learning now. It's definitely trial and error--but luckily for me I have a wonderful Titus 2 woman helping me. I would encourage everyone to get or be one!

I think the most important thing I would tell someone who is going through the first years at home is to remember that although observing others at home and learning from others is great, there is no need to be exactly like them or put yourself down for not being as organized or efficient as other mothers. If you have young children at home and are running a homeschool, perhaps you just aren't going to be able to keep things as clean as the woman who has older children who can help out. Or maybe you just can't get the knack of sewing and are jealous of the woman who can make everything from drapes to bedsheets. Whatever your 'weak spot', just try and realize that we are all different and God gives us each talents! There's nothing wrong with working on your weak spots, but please don't put yourself down for not being able to do it or do it well. I think this goes for most things in life, but I've found that many women friends of mine are particularly hard on themselves when it comes to home matters.

Thanks again, Lydia!!!

Lydia said...

Yes comparisons are deadly. The way to overcome feelings of inferiority in homemaking is to just say "This is what God has given me, and this is what my husband, with God's help, provides." In many ways you will have advantages that the perfect homemaker does not have. And in many ways you can develop creativity and resourcefulness that the ones with perfect homes never have to.

Anonymous said...

It's very true! I have become a more creative, resourceful, organized person just through living in my imperfect household. I have sought out ways to solve problems and make things around here more 'livable', 'doable', or 'beautiful' and it has brought out a part of me that I didn't think existed. For years I've been told what to do at work and had my talents suppressed and I feel freer now than ever since I've become 'my own boss' at home. Every month I feel freer--like the world's shell is cracking and falling off of me and God's perfect plan is showing itself to me--God's perfect peace!

When you look around your home and say, "I did this!", or you child learns something new and you say, "I taught him that!", it is a wonderful feeling that you'll never get at a job.

I don't need a paycheck to feel like I've accomplished something because I can feel it in the way my husband talks about me, the way people feel when they're in my home, the way my son shows his happiness at seeing me morning, noon, and night. I cannot imagine getting joy out of a job when I think about all the joys of keeping a home and raising my children by hand!

Mrs. Anna T said...

Dear Lady Lydia,

It has been a while since I visited; what a pleasure to come back! Thank you for sharing the link to "When Queens Ride By". I remember reading it a long time ago and would love to re-read it.

Sue said...

Thanks you Lady Lydia for encouraging people to realize that it is not too late.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your continuing inspiration. I will be "coming home" for good at the end of May. I have committed to finishing out the school year before I become a full-time homemaker. Posts like yours keep me going--this has been a rough year and I am very tired from trying to balance my home life, duties as a wife and mother and my job responsibilities. If I had the choice again, I would stay home from the beginning of my marriage. As it is, I have spent many years convincing my husband that the best place for me is at home. It would have been best " to begin as I wanted to go on" in the first place. Bless you. Keep up the good work. Miss Kris

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Dear Lady Lydia,
I discovered your LAF site early last year, as well as Homeliving. Someone had finally and eloquently put into words what I had been feeling for many years. I was raised in an ungodly home where I was taught feminism, though my parents probably did not see it as such. Homelife was terrible, and I made the a decision never to marry or have children. I became a career woman, holding a supervisory position for many years. Then I became a Christian, and met and married my husband at the age of 40. God in His mercy blessed us with a beautiful baby boy. I continued to work but became increasingly stressed and unhappy and considered divorce. Upon discovering your sites, and studying Titus 2, I knew my true place was at home. I talked to my husband and, after much prayer, he agreed that I would stay home. I have been "queen of my home" now since May of last year, and I have never been happier or more fulfilled. God has miraculously met all of our needs (He is able!) I am learning to make my house a real home and taking better care of my husband and my son,who is now 10 years old. God is truly restoring the years that the locusts have eaten. I am 50 years old. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO OBEY GOD! Please continue being a "teacher of good things". I have never made a comment on any of the wonderful blogs I have come across, but I wanted you to know that there are many women who read your blog that are being encouraged and refreshed DAILY. As for those who post on your site to cause strife and division,most are "ever learning, but never able to come to the knowledge of the truth". God bless you.

JKaye said...

Good morning. For so many years, I have put so much thought and worry into the question of, "What do I want to do?" as in, what kind of work do I want to do? It was just assumed by my family, friends, me, everyone, that I would go to college and study to get a certain job. So, I studied and trained for a career in a field I wasn't really that interested in, because it was what several other people in my family did. And, I was able to get a scholarship if I studied that subject. I didn't really like the work, but, I did get hooked on the attention I got from the family for going into this line of work, and carrying on a family tradition. When I finally told them I was unhappy, they said, But you wanted to do this, we didn't make you. Well, in a way they were right -- I did choose the field, but, believe me, I didn't feel I was given a lot of wiggle room.

When I finally gave myself the freedom to leave that line of work I still didn't feel that homemaking was an option. I just thought about what other career did I want to do. So, I have worked at other types of jobs, and have found the same dissatisfaction as the first career.

It finally has occurred to me that while I kept thinking about what I wanted to DO, I never put much thought into what kind of person do I want to BE? When I start to look at my life from that angle, I find that being a homemaker allows me to be the kind of loving, supportive, nurturing person I want to be, a better example of the kind of person I want to be, than I was ever able to be out in the workforce, where I just felt oppressed.

And isn't it funny that at the same time we are being told we are independent and can do what we want to do as modern women, we are given such narrow parameters in which to conduct our so-called independence? Be the modern woman and get a job. Don't stay at home.

Isn't it just the flip side of the narrow confines that the feminists say we experience in our repressed role as homemakers, when we stay at home, and don't get a job?

I still have a long way to go to get myself pulled together into the productive, positive person I want to be, but, I think homemaking is a better place for me to learn how.

Alexandra said...

You reap what you sow...yes! Great post. And very helpful in the area of making less work for yourself. Cleaning as you go here and there, using less utencils and gadgets in the kitchen, and just keeping things simple really helps! Good habits start early in life, and if you are blessed by a clever mother who teaches you these things early in life, you will have a much easier way. I pray I am a clever enough mom for my daughter.