A Good Report is Good For the Home

Part of the old homestead road, later called the "home road."

It makes sense to put home life in a positive light. My belief is that it does no good to harbor resentment or to dwell on unhappy events. There were probably other women like me whose parents were careful to teach the value of creating something good to remember, out of circumstances that seem very dire at the time.

A view from where the windows of the house used to be. My father chose a place on a hill, to build a house, where it would get the most benefit from light, sun, and warmth. It turned out to be the very best spot.
I tried to capture the dew drop in the middle of the going-to-seed lupines. It glistened a lot more than this in "real life" than in the picture.

This is the place where Mama tied up her little canoe that Daddy built her when they first began their life in the wilderness. The metal post he put into the edge of the lake for her to tie up the boat, is still there. The tree roots created a natural stair-step path to the little cabin that they lived in temporarily while the "big house" was being built. This little cabin had a tent for a roof, and one day it caught fire while Mama was sleeping. She quickly got the children out onto the snow, on sleeping bags, and that is how our Dad found us when he came home that night. He wasted no time putting on a real roof, with a bucket for a chimney. I found pieces of the red tile in the ground, where this cabin had once stood.

In connection with this wonderful trip to remember the lives of my parents when they were in their early 20's, I got a sense that although they had hardship, they did not allow themselves to dwell on anything morbid or anything unhappy, for very long. Although I remember many things happening that were not pleasant, my parents insisted that we not speak negatively about any event in a way that would discredit the family, and my mother, in particular would answer people who asked how she was doing, by saying, "We are just fine! We are doing well."

There were a lot of people like that, in those days. We just assumed that most trials were normal to real-life, and did not waste time complaining. I think today, we as homemakers, have to remember that we are writing our own story, and that we contribute a lot to the negative view of being a guide and guard of the home, by complaining.

If we give a bad report, people will conclude that the role of a homemaker is not a lofty one, but a demeaning one. Of course, there will always be times when it seems you can be lost in a mountain of laundry, or an over-supply of tomatoes from the garden that need attention right now. There will be times when you are tired, sick, or discouraged, but there is no profession that will guarantee that there will be perfect rest, perfect health, perfect plans or perfect results.

There will always be those who wish break down the home, as there has been, from the beginning of time. In the book of Genesis, one reason that Eve lost her beautiful home, is that she wanted the one thing she could not have. In that beautiful garden there was nothing denied her except the fruit on one tree. She believed she was missing out on something. Because she took of that one fruit, she lost the whole garden!

Sometimes homemakers will think they are missing out on something, and start to complain, not realizing that they have so much that they will lose, if they go out into the working world. Many who have no choice but to work, will gladly tell you they are losing a lot of ground in their house keeping and with their children and other interests. The workplace takes up the major part of the day and the week, the month and the year. The homes that cost so much in monthly payments, can sometimes be barely lived in, when a woman gets a career.

I was just in an antique store, where I looked at some old school readers with very nice art in them. Some of them were dated in the 1920's. I like old books, so I thought there would be something of value in these. What a revelation I had when I read so many negative stories connected to home making and being a wife or mother. I thought to myself that the war on women at home began a long time ago, breaking down the image of the woman as the nuturer of the home, one decade at a time.

In one of the stories in this reader, a woman was shown in a very pretty gown sitting on a nice chair, looking out a window. It was a very peaceful scene in her home, and I thought maybe the story would reflect it, but instead, it was a story telling a woman that she didn't know what she wanted. It portrayed her as lacking contentment. The next chapter showed a drawing of a woman in what I would call a very stiff outfit, a suit of some kind, her hair shorn short, doing some kind of work away from her lovely home. The story put this woman in a good light, telling her that she knew what she wanted. Little elf-like creatures were sitting on the shelves speaking to her on every page.

Although it might have been hardly noticeable to a child, the seeds of discontent were sown in these stories that compared the woman in charge of the home to a woman away from home. Nothing was written in this reader about the many duties that a woman was responsible for at home. Nothing was shown about her responsibility and her achievements at home. She was shown in a negative light. She was shown as being discontent. If we are not careful, we can do the same. We can show home making in a good light, or show discontent, and perhaps lose that life at home. We probably need to give a good report to ourselves, our children or our husband, at the end of each day, about life at home. It re-enforces the belief that God created the home to meet the needs of mankind.

There is probably nothing we can do about those naysayers who do not want women to be able to stay home and see that it is run smoothly, but there is a lot that can be done about the way we portray our lives to others "from without." We can do a lot to give the home a good reputation. Everyone has a relative or a friend who seems to be just looking for a crack or a break in their lives to prove that marriage, or homemaking is just the worst choice a woman could make. We can not divulge our discouragement to people who are not on our side.

We can refrain from revealing problems with our children unless they are people who are going to really help us succeed. We can also refuse to reveal personal anxieties to our own children. The parents of the past tried to protect their children from their fears. They didn't think childhood should be disturbed by too much worry.

We can refuse to complain to anyone unless they are people who really believe in what we are doing. We can be careful about our appearance, which is an important part of giving a good reputation to our families. We can be sure to warn our children not to talk about their family problems to others, or to tell their family business abroad. We can at least have one room looking peaceful and tidy, so that when someone enters the house, it feels orderly and calm. There are many things we can do to protect the reputation of the home, ourselves.

In one of the stories in this reader, a woman was shown in a very pretty gown sitting on a nice chair, looking out a window. It was a very peaceful scene and I thought maybe the story would reflect it, but instead, it was a story telling a woman that she didn't know what she wanted. It portrayed her as lacking a steady purpose of life. The next chapter showed a drawing of a woman in what I would call a very stiff outfit, a suit of some kind, doing some kind of work at a desk. The story put this woman in a good light, telling her that she knew what she wanted.

It would be hard for a reader of a young age to see what was missing in this elementary reader. The woman who was not at home all the time, could also have been shown in a different light, going from job to job, and being told she just didn't know what she wanted. Instead, the homemaker was shown as discontent, aimless, and without purpose.

No matter what events occurred in our lives, many of our mothers made sure they ended on the up-side. The car may have gotten stuck at the end of the road, but the walk home could be pleasant. The plates might not have been washed, due to the fact there was no water, but we learned to turn them upside down and eat of the back of them. We may not have had money, but we learned how to use available things, to create what we needed. Many people in those days wanted to find a way to make a day end pleasantly, even if there had been troubles. Our night time prayers gave us great relief in troubles, and helped us begin the next day with a great deal of hope. The alternatives became future stories that were handed down to the grandchildren.

Of course, there are "giants in the land" in the form of government agencies, courts and judges, and various kinds of educational establishments, that seem always at work to divide the home rather than keep it intact, but like Caleb, I think it would do us more good to bring back a good report, particularly to those who seem ready to denounce the idea of guiding the home full time, and to insist that the members of the home only give a good report of their home life