When Children Are Grown

Generations, by Loren Entz

Maybe you have no children, and have been taking care of the business of home for many years. All of a sudden, it seems like you are getting pressure from all sides to quit your job at home and go get outside work for wages. *Or, perhaps you have raised your children and the world sees that as a end to your duties at home. You are on the receiving end of remarks like, "When are you going to to get a job?" or, "Don't you know the economy is going to get bad? Shouldn't you get a job and help out?"

While this is typical of the remarks you might get from the world, it is disappointing to hear it from Christian women. Sometimes even elders wives and preacher's wives will advise women to leave the home and go to work when their children are grown. It shows how far away from the teachings of Christ that they have strayed. It shows how much they are paying attention to social reports and how little they are paying attention to God's word. It shows how dependent upon circumstances they are, rather than being dependent upon God.

You can read more about this in my article, "Do What God Says Do, And Let Him Take Care of the Rest." The comments there are also very informative.

There are many women who always thought they would enter the job market when their children grew up and left home, but they found out the work at home is never done, and only seems to escalate when the children are gone. While once the children mowed the grass, did the laundry, cooked, checked the mail, answered the phone, and even took over the driving for errands, now it is all left to the homemaker again.

She finds also that life after the children are grown begins to move much more swiftly, so much so, that she cannot keep up. She will find she accomplishes even less, now, as she must not only take care of the home, but catch up on things she put off while the children were home. If she never had children, she finds the demands on her time are enormous. She may have her husband's parents to tend to, to check on, or to take out on appointments. She may also have her own parents who depend on her.

Mothers of grown children find that they are still as active in their lives as they ever were, if not, more. This is because now that the care and training is finished, there are places to go and things to do with adult children. Some children who marry, prefer to socialize with their parents and grandparents. Most moms who raised their children in a Christian home, and many of those who educated their own children, find that these adult children prefer the company of their mothers. This takes much, much time. People who do not have this closeness, will not understand. They will want you to be out working and bringing in money. They will not understand the necessity of your being at home, creating an orderly life for your family, or taking care of the needs of others.

Sometimes there are grown daughters who are looking forward to getting married and having their own home, until someone comes along and intimidates them. "Why aren't you going to college?" they ask. I warn you not to say "I can't afford it," because someone will always find you a loan and then your daughter will be working for years and years to pay for it. Her dream will get further and further away as the interest on her Sallie Mae mounts. These people have been somewhat programmed by the messages they hear over and over that education is more important than families.

Feminism was a social engineering program to give young women careers instead of families, and it begins with the kind of education you allow your daughter to have. Public schools and many colleges have a great deal of feminist influence. From the very beginning of public school, girls are taught that they will be in a career. Very little, if any of that education, will help them have a long lasting marriage and raise good children with strong spiritual values.

I discussed how those college years take over the most fertile years of their youth, the years when they should be having children, carrying them, lifting them, taking care of them, in my article called "Don't Miss Out on Life". In this post, I showed how striving after more and more education, and then higher and higher career moves, takes up a major part of one's life. Even in the 1800's, women who made great accomplishments in life, were known to have said, "I would have traded it all for marriage and a home." (See the May edition of The Pleasant Times for more quotes like this.

If a young woman has training in a field that will never go out of business, she will still have a lot of competition to get the job and to stay in it.She will have to continually update her education in order to keep abreast of the career.This can be stressful and expensive. She may not stay in the career; she may grow tired of it and want a change, even after all that.

If your grown daughter wants to be home and practice for being a wife and mother or homemaker in her own home, she will not have any competition. Her home will be her own and she will be the queen of it. Think of homemaking as owning one's own business, without competition. Just when she thinks that homemaking and taking care of a family might be monotonous, things begin to change. People in the family mature, there are new family events, and things in the house change too. There is always something going on at home. There is also the opportunity to change your life whenever you want to, without taking it to a staff meeting or passing it through congress.

If intimidating comments are getting you down, you might try saying something like, "I'm still studying that question for a good answer. I do not have all the answers. I am determined to do God's will as it is laid out in His written Word. I want to be an example to my daughter by being a guide of the home."

Other answers might be:

"When I get everything caught up at home, then I'll consider getting a job outside the home."

"If there is an economic depression, there will not be many jobs available. I'll let the women who have no providers in their families, have those jobs."

"My husband has left provision for us in case something happens to him. Right now, we are able to live on his salary and it is a great source of satisfaction for him."

"I am still needed at home. I must do my duty."

"If it really bothers you, please come to tea and my daughter and I will be able to explain it to you at length."

If there are those in churches who are chiming in with the world's belief that women without children ought to be working, then they fall under the category of the "unbeliever." Of course, they may believe in God, and attend church, but in certain areas, they have doubts. The way to teach some unbelievers is the same way as winning unbelieving husbands: without the word, and by their good conduct. The way you live will make a believer out of them. (Ist Peter 3:1)

I cannot tell you how strengthening it is just to have one lady in a congregation who is staying home, dedicated to the needs of her family. That one woman makes others feel that it is okay to be home. That one dedicated life flows outwards to the lives of others and gives them courage. Just doing what you do exposes others to the idea of it. They get used to it. After seeing you, week after week, it starts to seem normal to them.

Anna T at "Domestic Felicity"

has some good posts to encourage women at home who have heard "those" remarks about going to "work."


*Wages are supposed to be an equal exchange of your time, for money. When you go to work outside the home, you give up the time you would spend maintaining the home, in exchange for money. If it necessitates putting your children in daycare, you are also exchanging their time at home for that wage. There are extreme exceptions and emergencies, but these are not the norm.

Brenda writes:

I've certainly enjoyed the comments as well. I have been thinking about something lately that bothers me, concerning all the emphasis put on having women in the work force (in addition to the very valid observations made here): it's as though we've allowed our pride in the well-known "work ethic" to be perverted in some cases, & to grow to monstrous proportions in others. This cannot be what God intended. For instance, think about the "self esteem" movement that governed every word an adult said to a younger person. I would hear the phrase "Good job!" spoken to someone who had done nothing to merit such praise [please know that I am not referring to the extremely young child, who needs lots of encouragment for many things :o)]. But then, we (society) turn around & rail against any woman who would dare to give her best, & use her intellect & skills to bring sanity, harmony, peace, & beauty into her own home. It's so twisted. I'm so weary of hearing & reading things that extol the virtues of family togetherness..."make time for your kids!"... & how "it's the little things that matter most", & then hold the person who can make all this a reality in such low regard.

I haven't, truthfully, been the recipient of very much negativity concerning my stay-at-home position. If so, I usually just smile & carry on with the facts, no different than if I'd been discussing the weather with the person talking to me. Still, it hurts to read about other women who DO feel as though they're being scrutinized & interrogated. Stay the course, ladies!!! Your husband needs you, your children need you, & yes, whatever country you call home needs you. :o)

My comment:

Brenda, You are right about the over concern that we are "working." Our own mothers and grandmothers were so much more natural in their roles that they saw more to it than work. Work was just a part of it. However in high school and some colleges, even guys are taught that a woman at home is just freeloading and that she should pull her fair share of the load. That is how perverted the woman's purpose at home has become in the eyes of those who teach contrary things.

A lower importance is put on the home guide because there is no "pay" involved. The one who gets money is considered more worthwhile, and of course, no one wants to be inferior or be accused of "not working." In the eyes of the world, pay and work go hand in hand, but in the Lord's eyes, we are valuable whether we are doing something for money or not. In actual fact, the homemaker is doing some of it for financial reasons, because her actions help the husband's money stay in the family instead of going out the door for every product or service. That way they can hang on to what belongs to them and not part with every penny as soon as it comes in. There is a lot more to it than finances the wife athome has been turned into a source of debate and politic.

I wonder when these paintings of the 19th century were done, if the populace felt the same way about women. Why would a painter put a woman at home in such good light, if the political climate thought she was not earning her keep, or looked down on being a home guide. Many men at the time sought wives to save them from a "bleak life" (a term used in stories of the era), of loneliness and comfortless homes.

To have a woman at home meant you would be looked after, in exchange for being provided for. Now the powers that be think they have a better system but look what it leads to: women not able to be free to be home, whether they can work every minute, or whether they just want to rest.

In our grandmothers day, as long as the woman was home, no one dictated to her how her day would be spent. and no one would have dared to ridicule or question her decision to be at home. Actually she didnt even have to make a choice or a decision. She was in a privileged position and she was allowed to be home, even wanted, there.

It is important for men to be able to earn a living, but some of that depends upon the woman admiring that and giving a man honor for it. When he has that responsibility, which differs from hers, it gives him dignity and motivation. There is a good article http://denisdutton.com/baumeister.htm where some explains what motivates men to achieve. It takes some concentration to read, but it would clear up some misunderstandings about the interests that women have vs. the interests that men have. I will add to that idea that in marriage, men and women gain similar interests regarding the welfare of the family and the building of the home life, but they still will find themselves drawn to different responsibiities.