Wednesday, November 07, 2007

In Search of the Titus 2 Older Woman


Note: Ladies Against Feminism is now updated and you can read my article, "How to Stop Fretting About Politics and Live an Abundant Life." In it I show 7 things that people are trying to do to break down the home, and 7 things women at home can do to thwart them, without taking any time away from the home.

At this point I would like to address the comment from Mrs. Vawser, because I had the same experience. My upbringing was excellent and I was quite capable of managing as a wife, mother and homemaker. However, being married to a man whose job took us all over the world, I did not live near her.

In spite of the fact that I had good training, I still needed the older women in the church to be teachers of good things that would encourage me in my home. It would have given me some fuel to go on and some inspiration.
In an effort to learn more deeply about the Biblical role of women, I attended the Ladies Bible Class. What a disappointment! There were no classes taught on the many different aspects of guiding the home. Instead, many of the women wanted to study something "that applied to everyone." They would excuse it by saying that there were single, widowed, divorced women, students, etc. coming and they wanted something for the whole group.

As we moved from place to place, I heard this excuse and offered suggestions for Bible studies that would help the younger women. That way, all women would be involved. The older, though they may have been through women's studies many times, would never tire of it as they saw their opportunity to be used and to teach the younger women. As they repeated the lessons year after year, they would be able to do it without notes and add their personal experiences and observations as well. They would become better teachers over time. They would get great satisfaction from watching their young proteges succeed in making happy homes and contented husbands.
The older women, however, worked all week and were not interested in duplicating the Titus 2 instruction when choosing a topic for ladies Bible classes. Many times the classes were held in the evenings to accommodate the working women, and the young women needed to be home caring for their children and getting dinner for their husbands.
Prior to the 1900's, when women of the churches got together, it was to sew for the poor or teach the younger women. They shared homemaking hints and had tea together. Later, as I entered my 20's and attended some of the classes, I was very sad to see that they were no longer about such things. Instead of being taught by older women who were crocheting as they spoke, the older women wanted us as a class, to collect labels and turn them in, for some such cause.

Other times, throughout the years, these classes turned into cutting and pasting for the bulletin boards at church. There is nothing wrong with that, but I resented having to leave my house just to cut and paste in a group.

It was the older women who continually rejected the subject of teaching the younger women. Some said they were "tired" of the Proverbs 31 woman or bored with studying the women of the Bible. "We've already studied all that," they would say. However subject matter they chose and the study books they used usually didn't apply to anyone 's personal life, either! Sometimes it would apply only to one person. Most of the material was about how to be nice and kind to everyone but never showed how to prevent your children from rebelling or your marriage from falling apart, or wise use of time regarding house work and home making. The studies were not about the things in which women were needing the most: training in marriage, children and homemaking.

Instead, they chose topics that could have been heard in an adult Bible class or from the pulpit, such as a study of Jeremiah or a study of the symbolism in Revelation, or a study of the different kinds of angels in the Bible. All this is perfectly fine to study, but why in a LADIES Bible class, when such topics were usually already studied in adult classes or preached from the pulpit. In all the churches we attended, the preacher (my husband) usually asked for topics that people wanted to hear about, and even had a box in the foyer for suggestions.

The younger women, having better things to do, began to absent themselves from these classes, leaving the older women to study their favorite subjects. The older women then had no reason to change to a Titus 2 topic, as there was no one there to teach.

In the meantime, many young women were experiencing the tremendous force against marriage, home and family. Many of them could not manage their income, and many of them felt alone in their struggle to do well at home. Some of their marriages broke up. Sometimes one of the partners would come to the minister for counselling, but as qualified as he was and as excellent of advice he gave, he admitted it was a topic that would have been better covered over time with the older women in the Ladies Bible Study classes.

I could not understand why they wanted to study things that the men could teach. The older women had a responsibility to teach the younger women, but what exactly were they supposed to teach them? Titus 2 was very clear! Occasionally when I was successful in having a Titus 2 class, it was, to my surprise, the older women who made the discouraging remarks such as:
"I already know how to cook. I don't need to come here and discuss cooking.."
"I hate sewing. I don't want to waste my time studying about how to sew. I can buy everything I need."
"I can't stand Proverbs 31. It must be a myth!"

What they did not take into consideration is that the younger women sometimes could not cook or sew and did not have money and wanted to be guided into how to cope in those early years when there is not much money and the husband is just beginning in his profession, or the children are little. I noticed the older women were the ones the most resistant to the Biblical role of women!

They did not like classes about femininity or the distinctive role of women. They wanted to make the Deborah the Judge, and Lydia the seller of Purple , the role models for today's women. Yet there are no instructions for women to become judges or sell products....not that there is anything wrong with it! However Titus 2 was clearly a course for the young and the old as to the focus they should have.

Personally, I am not fascinated with Deborah or with Lydia, as it does not challenge me as much as Titus 2 does. Every word in there can be a unit study lasting for months, if one were to put it into a college course. There were reasons for each of the women mentioned for what they did, but the Bible nowhere recommends their careers as something to emulate.

In the book of Acts, Lydia was apparently hospitable, but many working women today are not. When women went to work, hospitality just about stopped, leaving the burden to the younger women who didn't have the time or the money. I saw younger women in the church trying to shop for church hospitality for a funeral or a wedding, while handling small children, and living on a very tight budget. The older women could have been doing this, especially if their husbands were retired, as they would not have been under the pressure of their husband's work schedules any more. Instead, they were all at work in their later years, and did not participate when there was a need in the church. I saw the Thanksgiving baskets delivered by the young women, because the older women were too tired on weekends to do it.

Finally, as a younger woman, I had my fill of sitting through Ladies Bible classes, and quit. I needed the time to work at home and get my house in the kind of smooth running order I needed, in order to feel at peace and give my family a nice home. I enjoyed sharing sewing and decorating ideas with my daughter. Sometimes other mothers would ask us to include their daughters in our projects, which we did.

Abut 16 years ago I was asked to teach a Bible class for women, and I decided that no matter what topic they decided to study, or what chapter in the Bible, I would do my best to enrich it with applicable teachings about women. I try to remind the older women what their duties are and the younger women what they should be concerned with. Time is so short and in just a few years a woman can make a mess of her life. The older women need to be able to detect when a younger one needs a bit of help.
Women in their 60's, 70's and 80's surprised me. I expected that they would stand up for the old ways, where the good walk is (Jeremiah 6:16) and encourage the younger women to be guards of the home, full time wives and mothers, etc. Instead, they did their best to object or water down the points in Titus two. They would say a certain part of it may have worked in the culture of the Bible times when it was written, but it didn't apply today because of the economy, or because women were now more educated and could get a career instead. They would say that a woman was contributing to the home as long as she was bringing in a paycheck. This came from women in their 80's. I wondered how they could feel this way when their own mothers and grandmothers were faithful keepers of the home. They, themselves were keepers at home, full time. They had sent their own daughters to college and encouraged them to have careers, which they felt was a "step up" from being a manager and guide of their own corporation, the home. Most of them were steeped in a type of Marxist Christianity. They even twisted the verse "if a man does not work, neither should he eat," to mean that women should have paying jobs outside the home.
I had no trouble with the younger women. They willingly embraced the Titus 2 model. They loved being home and wanted to be encouraged in that role. It was the older women who resisted the Biblical mandate. They were eager to find out how they could be good wives, mothers and homemakers.
One reason the Titus 2 instruction was given, was for the purpose of setting apart the Christian woman's duty in a society where women were brash and loud and domineering. Being keepers at home would protect them from the hardships of labour in the work force, and prevent their children from going astray, among other advantages. Older women do not understand fully the impact they would make by teaching in the manner of Titus 2.

Ladies Bible classes are nice, but they are next to useless if they aren't using the time wisely and training the younger women. They are not really necessary, however, and they do not have to be held regularly. I always thought it might be nice just to have a gathering once in awhile in your home to remind the young women of certain principles of the Christian home, and not have one every week.

If you are not happy with the subject material presented, you might consider having something in your home, as an alternative, once in awhile.

If the older women will not do their duty, then the younger ones can start practicing it. They can be the kind of women they wish the older women would be.


25 comments:

Mrs. H said...

Lady Lydia!

I am just blown away! I could really feel your passion in this post and could tell how much you truly care about younger women!
Your comments on younger women carrying the load in churches really made me think about some of my own experiences. My husband is an Army officer, and just finished two years as a company commander. The wife traditionally assumes the role of looking out for the families of the soldiers, which is now a formal role called "the family readiness group leader." I spent two years hosting monthly dinners and meetings by myself and handling various other situations. I can remember particularly when my daughter was still a baby spending all day cooking and hauling in the food and supplies into a meeting hall all by myself. It takes a long time to unload a car with a baby on your hip! After the soldiers left for Iraq, I was frequently called in the middle of the night with emergencies . . . everything from wives receiving death threats, to women going into a labor, to house fires. Very few of the other wives were willing to help me. They would certainly call me for help, but never got the idea that I was the only taking people to the hospital, cooking meals, and even digging through the remains of a burned down house! Along with that, I was dealing with nasty phone calls and emails from those who did not like how things were being handled. They were too busy with school and their own jobs. I was just a stay at home mom with one child, so I must have plenty of time. I must admit, I was nearly broken down by the stress of it all by the time my husband changed command! Remember, I am a former Army officer myself, and the stress of being a commander’s wife and having a small child was crushing to me! I think about minister's wives quite a bit because what I did for two years, and may have to do again if my husband gets a higher level command later in his career, is a lifetime commitment. So, thank you to all the minister's wives out there. I feel a bit selfish now, but all I really want to do is take care of my own home and child, at least for a while. I know I need to find a way to “serve,” but I feel like I need a break!
On another note, how do feel about formal classes? My husband’s Army base offers craft and sewing classes . . . and our local community college even has a half day seminar on hosting a Victorian tea!

Mrs. H

Angie Shope said...

Lady Lydia~

What a wonderful post! I sat nodding my head at every word, as I have found the same thing in ladies groups at church. It is so discouraging! I struggle with even being in church because I can't relate to ANY of the ladies there. 95% of them have "careers" and then spend their evenings running from one "event" after the other. They know nothing of cooking, sewing, decorating or working a budget to do her shopping. And they are very quick to tell you they don't WANT to know how either...that is so "yesteryear", I am told. That is why they have gone to work...so they can buy quick meals or eat out, buy clothes already made, pay someone to decorate for them,they say they go to work so they don't have to worry about a budget. They just go to the store and buy..pull out one of their credit cards and go home. It becomes very discouraging. I am so very fortunate that I do have a grandma who has really taught me what being a keeper at home is. I could sit and listen to her talk for hours about how she spruced up a tiny little shack with dirt floors when her and my grandpa first married. How she raised 5 kids in a two bedroom house with one bathroom (that you had to go through the parent's bedroom to get too.) How she cooked, baked, sewed on their very limited income. How she would stretch money. Going to work was never even a consideration..when money was tight you just "tightened your belt" a bit. She might take in some sewing or ironing. Sell baked goods,babysat, or mend clothes for the neighbors to earn some extra money when needed. But most times they just did without things when there wasn't enough money. You say that to women today and they look at you like you have lost your mind! WHAT!!!! Do without our cable and movie channels? Our high priced cellphones? Name brand clothes? Dining out 4 nights a week? Why, that is unexceptable!!! I will just put my kids in daycare and go to work!!! It gets downright lonely sometimes. I am in the transition period at home right now...I don't have babies anymore, now we have "tweeners" and "teens" but we are a long way from an empty nest yet. I would be more then willing to "mentor" some younger mothers...but most of them want mentoring about how to advance in their careers, juggle a career and a family, how to get their husbands to do more of the housework and care of the children. So I find myself feeling very much an outcast in most churches I go to. Having said all that...I want you to know how much of a blessing your site is to me! Reading your posts are so inspiring! Your stories about your growing up years in some ways are much like the stories of my grandma. (I hope to have the money to buy your book very soon!!!) Maybe many women don't want to hear what you have to say...but to those of us who do you are like a breath of fresh air!!! Many blessings to you!!!!

Ms. Angie

Anna said...

Since you started this the subject of Titus 2 {and before} I have given it much thought. I didn't realize until I thought of it that I do do some things to help the younger women. I have not gone into their homes though as I am not able to get out much. I have instructed them on many subjects when asked or given the oportunity. I try to listen to their needs and interests and when I run across articles in magazines or on line I give it to them, also good sites such as yours. They do phone or ask me questions. I pass along good books on housekeeeping, budgeting, cooking and such even buying used ones of my favorites. I include notes I write with each, and recipes and such. Little things here and there. When I am clearing out the house I bring anything useful and the women pick out anything they can use. I try to be a secret sister to some of them, collecting little gifts and leaving it at church without telling them who gave it. Etc. Our church has a beautiful 3 year course they encourage all women to go to. Proverbs 31 is the basic reference and with in it they cover all the womanly subjects of home marriage and family etc. They also have courses just for the men. And many for the families and children. The families are very close and are in and out of each others houses and invite non menbers into their homes as well. They are a homeschooling church too. They participate or instruct in many other classes there in homemaking. Also at church and in the homeschooling programs the boys are taught home and motor repairs and even building as well as many other skills later needed in their future families. I have not been able to go to any of the classes but have seen the literature and been told much about it. I think you would find it meets the needs you listed. They show the woman also how to be Titus 2 woman to the women who are just starting out. It is a church maninly filled with younger woman. Ninty nine percent of them stay home and homeschool. I sure do wish I had been part of this church all the years I was raising my children but I did not know of it till recently. I will up my share of helping where I can be useful. This church has been such a blessing to just be around. Seeing the families thrive and grow. I will have to find more ways to help and will ask for God's guidance as well as from my fine pastor and his wife. Not ever having had this training myself, this church and its young women have taught this older woman many things. These young families living as the Bible instructs, are such a blessing to be aroound. I cannot hardly believe the difference this pastor has done not skirting the truth and teaching what he knows to be truth. I did not mean to go on and on about this one church but it still amazes me that there are oasises of order out there. Your writings feel like a breath of fresh air like that too. What a different world we would have if more of it was out there.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Lady Lydia,

Across 2 states, two denominations and in numerous congregations I've witnessed everything you've mentioned here! In short, the church has lost the plot (but for a tiny remnant of faithful women serious about the incredible role that we've had entrusted to us whether a teen, with children, without children or nearing ninety.

What's so good about stuff? what's so good about buying that plasma TV when you could by a new, reliable and far less power-hungry good ole cathode ray (with everything thrown in) for a quarter of the price? What's so shocking about waiting for something to break before replacing it? What's so good about a mc'mansion when there isn't a huge family to turn the halls of a house into a home? I just don't get it. I never have. Thank God for being raised poor! (in money and material only, Rich in love, acceptance and the presence of an extraordinary woman, my mother, who gave of her all that we may not go hungry).

As I'm thoroughly sick and tired of the commercial merrygoround, I enquired just today about whether Vision Australia can teach me sewing and knitting (hopefully crochet also) over the summer so I can make the type of clothes I like, mend and modify what we buy and perhaps give to those who don't have as I do. There is a dirth of T2, Prov 31 women in my church also. Even those that have stayed home and managed the family have sent their daughters out to earn an education and get a career as if their own position was somehow lowly, unfulfilling and a drudge). Guess why we've got an obesity epidemic, marriage breakdown, ructions in the family, even environmental strain? Because we've put the wisdom of man above the wisdom of God! The 'experts' are pussy footing around the truth for fear the feminists (Christian and otherwise) will devour them alive.

I revel in doing my bit that my husband and I have a lovely little refuge from the madness, a place of harmony and that I can make each day that little bit nicer.

Being home, working to my own schedule, thoroughly enjoying the ability to cook our meals (from scratch is still 'normal' in Aus) and engage in beautifying our humble home even with a camelia or two from the garden in a little vase is wonderful and soothing. I've experienced the worker rat-wheel and believe there are far more pressing needs in this life.

As for formal training (mentioned by another reader) it was this that taught my late mother to make beautiful undergarments and many a woman to spin and weave. I'll also be seeking formal training (as mentioned above) as the folk at Vision Australia will have the time, patience and skill to teach me as a person without useable vision for said tasks to learn sewing, knitting and other endeavours I choose to turn my hand to. Homemaking gives us time to offer our help and assistance to those around us (in due season), write, paint, learn an instrument, a foreign language, astronomy, history, entre into a home-based endeavour, engage in gardening, woodwork and even blacksmithing (google 'shepherd's hill' and see the magnificent testamony of that family in the way they live their lives), help a neighbour, and countless other opportunities.

The home sphere is no place for a doormat, someone without ambitionand drive, it is not a drudge and it is real life with all its twists, turns, highs, lows, and everything in between.

Blessings,

Mrs. E.,
Australia.

Polly said...

Your comment about the older women now in their 70s and 80s really struck a chord with me. In the last decade I've been so disappointed with this age group - and then men too. They seem to be so much more liberal than everybody else. I can't figure it out.

Mrs. H. said...

Dear Lady Lydia,

I have to say a 'thank you' for a comment made during this post that I've never heard outside of my own opinion before. You stated that when many churches have Bible classes, it is in the evenings, when women are needed by their children and husbands. Thank you for that statement. My own mother has told me several times that I should have my whole family in church for Bible study on Wednesday nights, even though my husband works late hours and my children are all young (10 and under). She has even offered to take my children to church for me on these nights, but I will not allow it. They get very little time with their father as it is, and trying to get five small children ready for church, plus get dinner ready, then try to get everyone settled down and into bed after we return from Bible study, which often runs until 9:00 or later, would be immensely stressful on our whole family. Dh wouldn't be able to attend, so I would be there all alone with the children, while he came home to an empty house and ate alone. Then, when we got home, the children would be rushed through baths, pajamas, prayers, and bedtimes, having only enough time to kiss Daddy goodnight. We have chosen to opt out of this church service, and instead, spend time building our bond as a family, playing in the yard with Daddy, being there to welcome him home, and eating together. Dh and I believe that the most influental experience in a child's life is the time spent as a family, and that all those Bible classes (and youth groups, I won't even go there) may not do our children any good, but having spent lots of time with a loving mother and father who believe in God will be a great influence in later years. We believe that the family and home is the center of Christianity, and that it should be preserved at all costs.

Mrs. H.
www.theplacofh.wordpress.com

Lydia said...

I remember going to a Bible study where the women were studying the use of birth control (using the book Lies Women Believe). I was shocked to hear what the older woman were telling the younger woman, it was so unBiblical! Things like "you should live your own life a little before getting married", "if you have too many children you won't be able to pay for their college", "you are putting your other children at a disadvantage by having many children", "sometimes God doesn't want you to have children because they will interfere with your ministry to Him" and many more feminist lies. And yet the older woman leading started the "Bible" study by putting her hand on the Bible and saying "We believe the Bible, not what we read in books" then went on not to even open it during the whole discussion! It truly is sad to see the older generation so consumed with these lies and teaching them to the younger woman and not the Titus 2.

Anna S said...

Dear Lady Lydia, first, allow me to say how much I enjoyed reading your article on LAF today. Very uplifting. And this subject you discuss here is very important. I know so many young women who would love nothing better than to prepare for marriage and homemaking, but are discouraged by their parents.

Marcia Wilwerding said...

Wow. My daughter just turned me on to your blog, and I am just so excited about it. I haven't found one thing on here that I don't whole-heartedly agree with.

It encourages me that there are Titus 2 women on the Web who are mentoring in that way, also. Yet, nothing takes the place of one-on-one, in-person mentoring.

You have inspired me to look around a little more to see where I can be of some use.

Thanks!

Lady Why said...

Thank you for your timely post! It touched me so much and was especially insightful. My own dear grandmother who turns 90 this year has always encouraged me to have a checking account separate from my husband and was most unhappy when we had our fifth child... she isn't even speaking to me right now as we just had our sixth. I'm amazed by that and was interested to see that it's not just her as an older woman. I've been disappointed thinking that other older women would embrace our return to the 'old paths' of childrearing and homemaking. What happened a hundred years ago to prompt this change? I just didn't realize it went so far back!

Thank you again for your article! It was a breath of fresh air!

Strength&Honor said...

I stopped attending our ladies meetings at church for all the reasons in your post. I am so disgusted with the older women I can't stand it. The only older woman I admired in our meeting left after she was literally shouted down for doing a Bible study on femininity and modesty (by the older "ladies"!). I thank God that there is still a remnant of older ladies left who trust in the Word, not the world.

Anonymous said...

The comments make me wonder if the older women were change agents in the churches, there to keep an eye on things and make sure that no one ever really got too serious about the Biblical role of women. In the world, the older women, even if they were not church goers, in the past, were at least dignified and good guides for younger women.

Robin said...

Thank you so much for posting this, and I'm reading with much interest the comments from readers. As I think about my desires over the years, I believe God has been working on me in this area for years. Technically, I'm middle aged, but my husband and I didn't have our first child until I was 34. My needs are those of younger women. My oldest is 7 and youngest is 3 months. I have desired a mentor for years. I spent my 20's working and building a career. I have no more idea how to make a keep a home than to build an aircraft carrier. I can clean a toilet, but I struggle with clutter, meals, and budgeting. I've been working part-time to help make ends meet for years, but I know we spend far too much on convenience. My problem is that I barely know how to function without those conveniences. How sad is that?

Now, I have the chance to be home full-time and begin homeschooling, and I have no role models. All the older women in my church sent their children to public school and most work now. They are only superficially interested in home matters. I'm sure there's one person I could ask, but I just don't know who she is.

I wonder if older women have been brainwashed so much that they believe housekeeping is so easy it's not something that needs to be taught. That anyone can do it. After all, they themselves have done it for years with no formal training, and the media/feminists/popular culture say it's drudge work, not worthy of respect. Rather than pass on their knowledge, they didn't take time to teach their own daughters how to do it (my mom is a great homemaker and never taught me anything). I can't tell you how many friends I have whose houses are as messy as mine. We all go out to eat often just to get away, and we never have people over, because we are ashamed of our houses.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Robyn,

Here is a site that covers everything you'll need to know about cooking from scratch, budgeting, planning a pantry, planning a menu and many other excellent topics. www.hillbillyhousewife.com It's good, realistic and the recipes work. Three books by Shannon Lush I can recommend are 'Spotless' (all about cleaning just about anything imaginable), 'speed Cleaning' (though many people prefer 'fly lady' (Google her for her website as i don't have the address) and the final title is 'comfy'.

if you really don't know where to start in the kitchen when it comes to cooking, Delia Smith's 'How To Cook' series on DVD (a BBC production) is lovely , easy, sensible and has every recipe listed. she also goes into detail about purchasing kitchenware, ovens, appliances and other kitchen and relevant subjects. The recipes are easy, they actually work, they're realistic and home-style and gently progress from the very very simple to more adventurous.

Many ladies keep schedules, homemaking folders and the like. I keep my schedule in my head - you can try a general schedule (but many people fall into the trap of underestimating how long a task will take, leaving themselves feeling defeated if they don't get through the myrriad checklists).

Shannon Lush works on the formula it takes 15 minutes per day to clean for each person. hence, in a family of four, it will take an hour, a family of six, an hour and a half etc.Lady Lydia has written many excellent articles dealing with scheduling, order of tasks, breakdown of tasks etc (I'm sure she'll be able to provide some links to this beneficial material). I break my daily routine into several sections. Kitchen, floors, bathrooms, other rooms such as bedrooms, study etc. I also tend towards setting aside two days for washing and an afternoon for ironing. Once you develop your cooking skills, there will be a cluster of recipes you become familliar with and gravitate towards without the need for using the cookbook. They say the average cook sticks to 7-10 recipes in any given season (though their repetoir may be much broader) The real trick is building up your confidence and skill level over time till you are no longer chained to the recipe book and develop an understanding of food preparation, what works, what doesn't, the characteristcs of ingredients etc. Another DVD that I can heartily recommend is Rick Stein's 'Food Heros'. Apart from also having excellent, doable recipes that are (like Delia Smith's) richly narrated, he highlights the individual, family run farms and cottage industries that are fighting the big supermarkets, and fighting successfully. Over our Australian Summer, I will be producing a series of articles for LAF taken directly from the 1947 Braille Recipe Book. Printed for the Kentucky School for the Blind by the American Printing House for the Blind, it not only goes through recipes, but gives maticulous instructions on how to plan a pantry, keep a home clean, entertain and much more. Though aimed towards blind homemakers, its rich descriptions and attention to detail are invaluable for any reader.

Another excellent cookery book is the Australian title 'The Common Sense Cookery Book', with accurate recipes for every occasion along with herritage recipes and cookery traditions that cry out for preservation.

I hope this rambling comment may be of at least some assistance.

Blessings,

Mrs. E.,
Australia.

L. Wood said...

Your comments have great meaning for me too. It's something I've thought long and hard about. When I became a housewife, my mother, who raised 7 children at home, was very disparaging. She said there was nothing wrong with daycare and, as possibly a form of silent protest, never visited me in my home while I was alone with my children during the day through all those lonely years. When we were growing up she always told us that maintianing a marriage was a sacred duty of the wife. But, when my sister left her husband after 28 years for another man, my mother applauded her. What happened to my mother's values? What changed them over the years?
I think it stems from a turning away from God. Those who were parents in the 50's and 60's were faced with a surge in materialism. Their faith was on shaky ground to begin with. Now as they enter advanced old age, many seem more shallow than people who are much younger. My parents have grown more superficial with age, something in my wildest dreams I never expected.
As I approach my older years, I want nothing more than to encourage younger housewives in any way I possibly can.
Thank you for your wonderful writings on this important subject.

Daughter of the King said...

this was and is the most excellant post I have read in a long time.
IT is hard to teach, when there is no one that wants to hear.
I truly believe the Titus 2 mandate, as I call it is as important as anything else that is spoken of in the Bible, ....yet it is brushed aside. When I was a young mother our church had a morning ladies study...and we studied about women of the Bible..oh so much that was Godly was studied and taught...Now all the women are working, at least in my church....it saddens me..and it saddens me also that preachers are not preaching the full counsel of God on this matter. I feel like I swim upstream all the time. I often wonder is it about the $$$...if families tithe and one would quit working....and stay home and raise their children..would church support go down? Could that be it? I know the enemy attacks through the family but I think this is a multi-faceted situation.
I just love your blog...thank you for making a difference..and please IF you receive awards ...come to my blog(it has changed)...there is an award for you...
Blessings and thanks to you and yours.
Deby

Civilla said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
feminineways said...

You've got to remember that some/a lot of these "older" ladies were young during WWI and II, the Great Depression, etc. And they were right in the middle of the "new" women's movement in the early 20th cenrtury. Yes, I have met some like these.

My own mother has opinions that make me shriek at times! She was a child during the Great Depression. She started working when she was 14 years old to have a better life and help support her parents and siblings. And even though she was very adept in feminine skills, she rarely ever wanted to actually teach those skills. My sister and I just learned from watching her, and our aunts, and grandmothers.

Some of this is cultural.

What I don't want to overemphasize, is that some of the men were truly self-centered, obnoxious and even cruel back then, and probably contributed to the feminists' way of thinking of the women. Once we are exposed to certain negative ideas such as feminism, I am of the notion it could take generations to change these negative concepts.

I also think that we either have the desire to be a Titus woman or we don't. Even though we are admonished to do so, we have women who would rather join in with the modern notion of just letting be, and making do.

Another thing about these women is that some of them resented being poor, and all of the things "we" admire so much, such as sewing, baking from scratch, and such, was representative of being poor back then. Now that things are so readily avaiable in the stores they see no need to teach women how for example to make homemade jam or jelly. They would rather have a job outside the home and buy what they want. And yes, these same women encourage their daughters and other young women to do the same.

I guess when we have been there in their shoes we can't really say why they are the way they are. We just have to say our piece and go on. We have planted the seeds and God will do the rest. And of course, do what we can to teach the ones who are eager to learn.

Great topic! Actually, it is probably best that those women didn't teach this subject.

An article I wrote on Titus 2 Women is on my old blog. Link in top right corner of new blog, then follow the link to Titus 2 Woman in red at top. All of this because I don't know if this will take a URL in my comment post.

Mom in the Shoe said...

Dear Mrs. Sherman,

I am trying to read your article on "How to Stop Fretting About Politics" but can't seem to find it. Could you provide a link to it?

I come from a family that is very politically active in just about every conservative political cause you could name, but is strewn with one divorce and several unhappy marriages. Hmmm....

Loved this article, it is so timely and it gives me such pleasure to be able to link your blog with mine.

LadyLydia said...

Try typing in the title, How to stop fretting about politics and live an abundant life. It's on the ladies agAinst feminism website and its here somewhere to. Try the search area above, right side

LadyLydia said...

Sharon has left a new comment on your post "In Search of the Titus 2 Older Woman":

I've had the exact reaction -- even from our former preacher's wife, who said the younger women wouldn't listen anyway. So why try? I tried to get our elders to encourage the women, as Paul gave Titus the edification to *speak* to the older men and women... these things you have said here. First, it was commanded to Titus to speak to them.

One time, when our ladies wanted a monthly class, and I still had a toddler in the home, I asked if we could rotate taking care of children while the women had their time together.

The response was overwhelming: "We don't want children here - it's our night out". More than that, one lady said, "Why would young women want to be with us older women anyway?" I was shocked and dumbfounded with that remark. I never went back - I still had teenage daughters, and a toddler to raise.

It is very frustrating, you are so right. Yet, it is a command for every older woman who considers herself a Christian. There's no escaping the command. We each must find a way to teach the younger women, as you do here with this wonderful blog. How I hungered for an older lady to teach me when I was first married. I wasn't as prepared for marriage as you were. Thanks so much for what you do.

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Posted by Sharon to Home Living at 8:11 AM

Sonja Keller said...

Lydia

Thank you so much for this post. I know it is old, but I am really blessed reading this. I am 53, with three grown children. I so often have people comment on why I am not going to work now that my children are grown. Even when I say my husband prefers i stay at home, they don't seem to grasp that. I have a dear friend and sister in Christ in my neighbourhood who has said "They really need more older Titus 2 women". We did have a Titus 2 bible study for a short time, but one of the women moved, and most as soon as they realized we were encouraging women to stay at home full-time, balked at that. One woman become quite annoyed when the subject of creation order and submission was brought up. We hope to one day soon start up another one. Sadly, almost all the young mothers in our neighbourhood work away from home. We live very rural, about 45 minutes from two small cities. Years ago, the majority of women who lived here were homeschooling mothers who stayed home. Now it is the opposite :( I have shared a couple of your posts with my friend, and she was truly blessed by them. we need to stand firm in our convictions. The LORD Jesus does not change, just because the times change. If we trust Him, He will show us how to manage money, so that we do not feel forced out of the protection of our homes to take outside jobs. I pray that more women, young and old would follow your Godly example. The LORD bless you....Sonja

Lydia said...

Sonja, as you mentioned managing money, I believe that even while a couple is in debt, the wife can stay home and in many ways that helps prevent more debt. I know in the past families have had financial setbacks but the women still stayed home. However you made a good point that we endanger our security at home when we get I to debt, and that should be a motivation to avoid it. These days you can get so many things cheaply or for free (craigs list, etc) it is easier to have what you need. I can remember when there was not as much available and the choice was nothing, or debt!

Sonja Keller said...

I agree with you Lydia. We made the choice to stay out of debt and live very frugal. We actually don't believe in debt, as it makes one a slave to the lender. i even avoid credit cards altogether. I would love to be able to share this with younger women, but so many are enslaved to the idea that we "need" larger homes, new cars, etc. I have had some folks who don't know me or even seen my home say " It must be nice to be rich " Ha, little do they know. Thank you again for your wisdom :) Please pray for us older women to be more courageous when sharing the truth so that more young women will stop listening to the lies of the enemy!!!

Lydia said...

Titus two and other New Testament passages regarding women were written for women in the church, those who follow Christ. Today we find many women outside of Christ seeing the Biblical role of women as the ideal, and want I g to follow it, yet many women in the church wanting to follow the world's way.

While I do not feel we can impose it on women who do not embrace Christ as those Lord, I think it is an advantage that all women try homemakers, whether they are Christian or not, because it is good for the strength of the home and can bring them closer to Christ and His teachings.

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