How Much Distressing News Can You Take?

Hello Dear Ladies,

Are you one of those home bodies that just wants to be left alone to enjoy your family, a few special friends, and your home,  but have never been able to be free of the anxiety of distressing information? Some ladies complain that even in church, they cannot not reach the level of peace that surpasses all understanding, as evidenced in this comment recently sent to this blog.

"Lydia, Thank you so very much for your beautiful and encouraging blog (and videos). How do you mentally deal with issues such as human trafficking, abortion, etc.? While these issues must be disturbing to most all, they lay a particularly heavy weight on my sensitive heart. Do you simply pray when these things come to mind and then try to forget about them? In your opinion, how much attention should Christian homemakers/mothers/home schoolers give to these horrific issues? Our church highlights a different such issue each month. I want to do my part, but even reading through the material is so burdensome to my heart, I can hardly stand it. Thank you so much, in advance, for any response you have time to give. In Christ Jesus, Elizabeth."

I would like to hear from older ladies who have lived through the bad reports of their youth, and ask them to comment about whether they think paying a lot of attention to moral and political reports has benefitted their souls or the well-being of their children and husband.  

Please read what Roxy wrote about this subject here: http://livingfromglorytoglory.blogspot.com/2017/09/anxiety-verses-faith.html

How much time do you regret dwelling on tragic things or the moral problems of the time?  If you tried to do something about it, how much success did you have in eliminating the problem?  Did your anguish over any social problems in the world cause you to be less fully focused on the tasks at hand, and do you regret the time and emotion it took away from your home and family?  

If you could live those years again, would your response to the constant reports of tragedy and evil be different?  Are you emotionally and spiritually more stable because of social problems you tried to correct? If you could live those vital years with your young family over again, what would your priorities be?

Looking back on the causes you were concerned about, was any of it worth your time and has anything changed or improved?

Would you try to alleviate all the terrible social injustices or would you try to make your children more emotionally secure?

What would you do over again, if you could, for your husband, children, relatives? How would you spend time that formerly you spent on worrying all the bad things going on?

I recall in the 1980's a news story so dramatic it captured many young minds.  Many people tuned in to the daily news to keep up with the latest progress of the continuing story. There were even some homeschool mothers who included the event in social studies. 

The media stretched this story out for several months. Decades later, after all the anxiety the story caused, it was discovered that the entire thing was politically engineered and some of it was "staged", to create a national response for a desirable political change on the part of the instigators.  

All this time, these dear, soft-hearted parents were spending time in prayer and watching the event progress. What a waste of young lives at home. Their  children needed happy, carefree, secure childhoods, free from worldly worries. 

Years later, one mother told me how, after her children were grown and gone from the house, she regretted having spent so much of her time, her mind, and her emotions on the sensational report of the day. She wished instead, that she had spent the same amount of time and intense attention on teaching her children, who were also exposed to the unsavory moral issue. She claims she would have accomplished more, by taking her children on outings and teaching them about living.

The family needed to know more about  how to be loyal, respectful and kind to one another at home, how to be forgiving and tolerant of family members and how to value one another above others in the world. The weeks of time wasted on the news report and subsequent appeals from the church to contribute money, had taken up valuable time that would have paid better dividends if it had been given to her children and husband.

Today, the particular issue that was broadcast from churches and news rooms is no longer a concern, and a new social problem has taken its place in competing for her attention. 

Maybe reading these reports does not bother you.  That is just fine if you choose to be concerned about everything, but to the ladies who have to guard their emotional well-being so that they may effectively be "all there" and mentally present for their families, my caution to you is this:

Know how much you can take. Know your limits. Know when you have had enough stress, enough bad news, enough social and moral reports. Observe how it affects your personality and your love and response to your husband and children. Be able to sense if reading about or listenning to or talking about, thinking about such unlovely things is affecting your ability to be happy. (Happiness and joy are Christian virtues as much as weeping and mourning.)  Take a mental note of how your anxiety over these matters affects your children's moods. Remember your lives together at home are very brief. Don't use the precious time being anxious for things outside of your own duties at home.

Once again, I am not talking to you ladies who like to be involved in all the political and religious issues, who thrive in it and are able to do so and it not affect their emotional health.  This is for the ladies who have trouble focusing on normal life because of social issues.

Personally I think the most important thing is to put your energy and money into your own family and close friends you can trust. Even if you have grown children or grandchildren, they will need you. Your descendents are your best ministry, because they are the people you can interact with for the rest of your life. 

It is good to help in other causes, but perhaps you can do it as a family, or contribute to the church where you attend, and let the leadership distribute the money to the needy causes they choose. 

This is the way it was done in the New Testment church: when there was a disaster that affected people in a sister congregation, help was sent by taking up a collection for them or money was used that was already saved up for a future need.  In the church of which I am a member, a needy saint, (faithful church member) is given first priority with any kind of benevolence, and then what is left over is given to others.  

We limit benevolent help from the contribution,  to church members in distress and people we know. Individuals in church are always free to personally donate to any causes they desire, outside of the church collection.  For the most part, we allow the church elders to distribute money and we simply contribute every Lords Day. That is enough for most families, and it is one of the definite commands in the New Testament--to gather money to lay by for the church to distribute. 

Letting the local church make the contribution is good, and it probably is all the average person can afford to give to charity, beside what they do for their relatives, friends and neighbors.  If you are not able to do this, consider making a reasonable contribution to something or someone you trust and do not worry about supporting every cause you hear a plea for.

Your church contribution should be adequate social benevolence. If you give regularly to the church, you have helped people. The church makes it easier for you because they decide what causes to contribute to, with the collection. That keeps you from worrying about it. Letting the church take care of worthy causes is a good thing. You can limit yourself to your church giving, and maybe one other personal contribution. I like to have a little laid by in case someone comes to visit. It pays for the meals or the afternoon tea preparations. So, with me, it is church contribution and hospitality.  Perhaps you could decided on one or two things you can reasonably do.  I know someone who puts money and food aside to help one family every Thanksgiving or other special day.  

As for things like trafficking and abortion, these causes can be nipped in the bud from your own living room when you teach your children and influence your friends how to live. These moral problems will not go away without teaching, and I realize it costs money to produce films and books and places to help people in trouble.  Those who are able, can contribute, but some ladies need to know how much of this distress they can endure and what their limit is.  

Know how much you can take.

From a very young age we are all told in churches and schools that we should try to save the world. Sometimes women take this responsibility so seriously, they become exhausted with worry.

 I heard someone advise a young lady who was anxious about all the social injustice: "Your main responsibility is to your family and a few good friends. Do your very best for the family members God has already given you and it will prevent them from putting a social burden on others. Then, teach the children to help each other and to help you, when they grow up." This  was expounded upon with  great emphasis put on directing her emotions, time and money to her husband, children and parents.

It also goes for the gloom-and-doom, end-of-the-world prediction problem, too. (Probably worth another post).  One mother told me her children said, "We want to grow up and get married, have children, build a house, have a worthwhile life, just like you did. When you talk about the end of the world all the time, we are sad because we won't be able to have that hope for the future." This is a regrettable way to bring up children. We need to make them happy about the life they have. 

Just do the best you can for your own family and a few friends. That is the best save-the-world strategy. If you have any extra talent or service or money that is not being used by your own family, consider blessing someone you know: a sewing lesson, your own art work, an afternoon tea invitation etc. 

They say adrenaline is the "drug of choice" these days, and women are running on it and running out of it, landing in a state of nervous exhaustion. Some little gesture from your own hand--a gift, a visit, an invitation, etc. can do a lot. Also, try not to pass on this same habit of worry and running ragged to your family.

I look forward to your comments.