Saturday, September 23, 2017

The Loveliest of Days

(Pictures from Pinterest)

After all the fire and smoke, it rained for the first time in about 5 months (rain that could be measured, that is) and we are having the loveliest of days with some summer staying still. The air is so soft and fresh and the colors are clear and exciting. 

I didn't know what to title this but feel the need to answer the question of why I rarely address the subject of marriage.

One reason is that every couple has their own way of relating to each other.

What we have observed is that a couple can best work out how they will conduct their marriage.  

Counselling sometimes makes things worse, for some reason. The wife is often the one who instinctively knows her husband's marriage relationship better than anyone else.  If they can at least stay under one roof, there is a good possibility they can work things out.

From time to time, with the pressures of the outside world, one member or both, can get disoriented, distracted by other people or things, and emotionally detached. Marriages go through hard times and if the couple knows that, they might be able to form a philosophical attitude and call it "one of those crooks on the road."

Naturally there will be the occasional couple where one person does not want to be married and will do everything they can to wreck their marriage.  It has been that way since the beginning of time. While I know it's the ideal to remain married,  some people will not be able to, through no fault of their own.  

I try not to dictate to anyone what they should do when there are problems, because basically I think the wife often has it within her, to establish the atmosphere of the home and the relationship with her husband. There are some good verses in the Bible, particularly the love chapter of 1st Corinthians 13, which can be read for itself. If even one of the people in a marriage will apply it, it will have an effect.

The wife knows her husband better than any book or counsellor and can be a good adviser.

You cannot isolate any one verse of scripture about marriage and use it above any of the others, or favor a particular passage to the loss of another. Some people like to emphasize one thing to do with the wives but ignore scriptures addressing husbands. We have to keep everything in balance. 

One thing we have learned is to overlook faults and don't accuse, pick on or try to correct the other person unless it is really important. Another thing is to appreciate some of the little things that we don't really take notice of. 

For example, I usually fold over back of the collar of Mr. S. Sunday shirt so it covers his tie in the back. A lot of wives do that, but we don't take much notice of it.

 He buttons the top button of the back of a blouse or dress where I cannot quite reach it.  A lot of husbands do that but maybe it isn't really noted since it is all done kind of routinely or absent-mindedly.

This was brought home to me last Sunday when the grandkids were all here. Sunday morning was a lot busier with extra people walking around getting ready to go to worship.

The children were excited to be around Papa (because he is the favorite), and they all walked out the door with him, down the little path to the meeting house. 

He was out the door a little earlier that morning because the children were so eager to go. He left  before I could get his usual help, so I did not get the top two inches of my zipper pulled up to the back of my neck. I put a jacket on over the dress to hide it. 

 As I walked in the door where people were milling around still talking just before services, I saw Mr. S. putting the song page numbers on the board in the front. His back was turned to me and there was his collar up in back with the tie showing around his neck. He looked like he got dressed in a hurry, and so did I.  We usually straighten each other out before we let each other go out in public.

It reminded me of his parents, and how his Dad would go out he door with mismatched socks or shoes, or have part of the cuff of his slacks tucked into a sock.  His mother would have quite a fit as she caught him just in time and straightened it all out, checked his tie, and brushed any wrinkles or lint off his church suit.  

With the more casual way of fashion in the future, I wonder if people will have these amusing memories any more.

 I thought for a few seconds about just leaving him alone with his collar up and tie showing around the back of his neck. After all, we only see the front of the tie when he is speaking.  It was a very warm day and he and the other men were not wearing suit coats or any kind of formal jackets. 

 My conscience got the better of me and I walked up to the front area while people were still milling around and tucked his collar over his tie. This is just to say we really do not notice these little things unless they are not done. And we should appreciate the other person for such small considerate gestures.

Additional Thoughts:

If women will tap into their God-given senses, they often have within them the insight and answer regarding the behavior of their husbands. In my opinion, whatever gives her the most peace of mind and sense of well-being, will be a big clue to any problems. If their natural instincts are not clouded, they will pick up on anything that makes them uneasy that threatens the marriage. I think women have a built in caution system because they naturally are relationship oriented and sensitive when trust is being eroded in the marriage. She senses things and is made to feel uneasy. She picks up on the anything is not quite right, with anyone in her home, from husband to children.

Also, if the wife has her natural instincts in working order, she knows when to guide and guard her husband and family. A real helper will be a good warning system for her husband.

Concerning husbands, I never have quite figured out the reason for the demand that they all be "leaders" and make every decision, especially if they want their wives to help them make decisions. Proverbs says two are better than one, for when one falls, the other holds him up.

One problem we are seeing, is a happy couple with a good relationship will think the husband should be more of a "leader".  Maybe he is a steady-at-the-helm man who sees no reason to give orders or control everything and he is made to feel he must be more assertive and domineering in order to be a real "Biblical" man.  

Such men who are not used to behaving this way will try to become "leaders" according to some religious idea, and in the process leave their love behind. 

 Meekness is not bad: it is simply strength under control, and a true "leader" is one who is kind and dependable, who may also defer to his wife's preferences or her judgement. 

Sadly, some men who have not been taught, will get ahold of a few favorite scriptures in order to seek their own way rather than increase love and trust. 

There are also men who will use the Bible as a vehicle for their own selfish agenda rather than looking at it as a warm interaction between themselves and others and God. Immaturity with scripture is like adding alcoholic beverages to a mind that already lacks good judgement. 

If a husband is content to earn a living and he isn't abusing, verbally or physically, I think it is wise to leave him alone,  and not try to make some kind of dynamic "leader" out of him. Maybe I can talk more about this in the comments.  

Perhaps you older women can add your observations to this.

I don't think it's good to bash women over the head with the word "submission" or the men with the word "leadership" , which is something I see a lot with religious people on the web.  If a couple is happy and have settled into a mutally agreeable way of interacting, I don't feel comfortable correcting their way of operating together at home.

From an old church bulletin:

The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions, running down their friends, side-stepping responsibility, and pushing their luck!

 Author: Unknown


Jennifer Williams said...

What a sweet reflection on marriage. :-) I love to read your blog. We think alike and you are so encouraging. Thank you!

grand pam said...

I also enjoyed this post. My husband and I have been marries 47 years and I always put his collar down over his tie and get a kiss.
One special little thing leads to another.

living from glory to glory said...

Hello, What a sweet and lovely post!!
Yes, I think many times we can take all the little gestures that we do in our marriages for granted and with this illustration, I was reminded of how much they matter.
Truly a good marriage cannot be founded on just one portion of scripture, as we are all called to have one mind and having Christ being formed in us! And a good marriage is a great place to learn the love chapter!
We can see that when scripture is used in a very demanding way and it all becomes rote and we are no longer doing things in love than we are living under a master of man's own making!
If we love God, we will do these things as we learn and grow under the scripture truth and the love of being husband and wife.
Blessings Always to you and Mr.S

Lydia said...

Please excuse the typos as I was blogging from a phone for the first time. I will get all that corrected soon.

Lydia said...

Good comment and helpful advice Roxy

anonymous said...

Bravo ladies, great post.