Wasted Potential

With the tremendous energy and mind-power of youth, it is a tragedy that so much of it is wasted in church youth groups.

My first experience with a youth group was when I was in my early 20's and was invited to attend a youth group party. I was never at ease the entire evening with some of the things that went on in this group. The first thing they did is play a ridiculous game which involved getting the arms and legs of each person all tangled up with other people, until we all together looked like a giant octopus. I trusted the young minister who had organized this youth group and was sure he was about to use it as an illustration in an important spiritual concept! The game seemed more like something small children would do without trying, while struggling to reach for their own toys.

After this the group sat around and contributed complaint stories about all their problems, and in particular, their parents. The leader supposed that attending this group more often would help keep the young people in the church. I can't remember every detail of what went on, but I never attended another youth group after that one time. I just couldn't see what the purpose was. They did not study the Bible, and they did not talk about spiritual concepts, nor did they discuss useful things to do for the church or for others.

I consequently did not involve my own children in youth groups. Occasionally they were sometimes introduced to such things, through various circumstances, but I never saw that it enhanced their spirituality in any way, nor did it increase their Christian maturity. Exposure to the youth group was more likely to give my children unexplainable frustration than it was to ennoble them and give them the tools for mature living or the hope of a bright future.

I remember once a minister asked if I would take a turn hosting the youth group meeting in my home. I gladly accepted, thinking "Hmm. Meeting at the home with the family present, is a good thing!" I didn't know that I would be prompted by him to leave the room, along with the siblings of my teenage son. What was the great secret that necessitated the absence of the parents in this group? I asked about it and was informed that kids wouldn't "open up" with their problems when the parents were present. Being a homeschooler, our family was very close and loved to discuss many concepts and principles together. I was very saddenned that the youth group separated the young people from the parents, the very ones that would help them and give them wisdom, rather than turning their hearts toward them. In fact, I think that youth ministers, if they were scriptural and necessary, should be someone like Mr. and Mrs. Stanley Sherman, who have experience with youth in raising their own family. We love being around younger people and we don't like being relegated to our own age group.

I am aware that there is a movement away from youth groups, yet there are still some church groups desperately hanging on to the youth group method, insisting that they are necessary.

Anyone can do their own survey and look at the fruits of youth groups. Let us take a look at the girls, for instance:

-Are they good homemakers, able to manage a home?
-Are they helping their parents? Are their own rooms a mess? Some girls have not yet learned the habit of organization, and are out sitting in restaurants, going to movies, or at the bowling alley with the youth group.
-Do these girls learn wise use of time?
-Are they learning to be good wives?
-Can these girls care for a sick person in their home, such as an aged grandparent?
-Can they relieve their mother of the many duties of the home?
-Can they hold an intelligent conversation full of wisdom?
-While participating in the youth activitites, are they able to be different than the world, in the way they dress and act?
-Is their conversation silly?
-What do these girls in youth groups know about what God's plan for them is, as set forth in the Bible? Can they quote any scriptures pertaining to women? (Proverbs 31, or Titus 2, to name a few.)
-Do they know the names and stories of many women in the Bible? (Besides Eve, or Mary?)
_Do the ambitions of the girls in the youth group consist of becoming first and foremost a wives, then a mothers, and keepers of the home?


Now let us have a look at the young men:

- Can you look at the young men in youth groups and honestly see one as a responsible husband and father?
-Are they learning to take strong stands against the world?
-Are they dressing differently than the world?
-Are they going to the same movies as the rest of the world?
-Are they really living up to the full potential that is available to them as young men?
-Do they thoroughly know the books of I and II Timothy? Years ago, someone told my husband to read these books every month, to familiarize himself with the Christian attitudes and examples expected of a young man.
-Are the young men ernestly striving to honor their parents by exhibiting and practicing the Christian values they were taught? Are they keeping company with girls that their parents don't wholeheartedly approve of?


These lists are rather incomplete, but they may help you take a good serious look at whether or not a youth group can accomplish what God wishes for young people. If Christianity is a serious thing, then how can we encourage youth to spend so much of their time with other Christian youth sitting around in each other's houses without older people present, "hanging out" and being silly. As one person recently told me, "They are wading in shallow waters of foolishness, and if they keep on going in that direction, they'll drown." It is true that youth are incredibly frustrated these days, and unfortunately, a lot of it comes from the youth group activities--the very thing that was supposedly designed to help them be "strong in the Lord." God does not need us to develop a special youth group to help the youth. Youth needs wisdom, and wisdom cannot be attained in these groups where they are going to the latest movie, hanging around the apartments of other single people and remaining in their childhood.

Some people have admitted that, yes, homeschool families don't need youth groups, but those whose parents are dysfunctional do. I beg to differ. We should not even make such groups available to them. Those whose parents are dysfunctional can find refuge in other families that want to reach out and are looking for ways to serve. If we cover up dysfunctional families by providing artificial groups for them to function in, we won't see the need to raise up good families who will raise up other good families. Youth groups just cover up a problem rather than solve it.

I have yet to see one single achiever, inventor, strong family man, or a preacher with a thorough knowledge of the word of God, who was nurtured as a teenager in a youth group. I haven't seen good mothers or homemakers come out of the youth groups. I've never heard anyone say that a youth group was what they needed in order to know how to raise their children or how to behave in the body of Christ.

If people insist that youth groups are viable alternatives for youth, then let the youth show their faith by their works: let them take care of the elderly, help their parents, and otherwise be rich in good works. In fact, I have an assignment for your youth group. Give each of them paper and pen and ask them to list as many good works as they can. Then ask them to write down as many scriptures as they can remember. Ask them to write down the ways in which the youth group has helped them be stronger Christians, thoroughly equipped with the knowledge of the Word of God. Then, let's see just how much the youth group has taught them or benefitted them spiritually.

Whenever I see a youth group out on the town, I look with sadness, particularly on the young girls. They are wasting their time and potential. They could be making baby blankets for new mothers. They could be learning skills like knitting, sewing, cooking, care of the home, decorating, clothing design, etc.; things that will equip them for a successful marriage and family. Sitting around with youth groups in cafes and movie theatres is poor preparation for marriage.

Girls, if you are in a youth group because you hope to find a mate, you are wasting your time. Youth groups provide too much familiarity between the boys and the girls for their to be any serious spark of interest between them. They often show up in less than their best appearance, which does not endear the boys to them or vice versa. Hanging around a youth group will not get you nearer the altar.

My advice is to be aloof from this, and to provide socialization within the framework of your parents and family. Invite special ones that you like to your home and let them see the fruits of your labor. Spend your time in worthwhile accomplishments that will help you function as an adult wife and mother. Take over the house and behave as though you really were all grown up. Youth group activities will not provide the training you need nor the fellowship you need to accomplish the high calling of marriage and homemaking.

In reading some of the accounts of young ladies of the past, you'll notice that many of them were able to do adult things while still teenagers. I doubt that the pioneers coming across the Oregon Trail had much time for youth groups. The teenagers of that time were responsible men and women who accepted the roles of men and women gladly. Our modern youth groups fall far short of what young men and women need to accomplish in their distinctly male or female roles as outlined clearly in the Bible.